God Never Promised a Convenient Marriage
On Saturday morning, I decided to go through the new comments on my old blog Always Learning and either approve or delete them. I seldom do this but I found one written by Pat on the post titled “Should Husbands Ever Discipline Their Wives” (and no, it’s not about domestic discipline, as many know today). It was so good that it was worthy of a post of its own!
“It’s amazing to me after looking at all these old yet current comments, just how many people simply do not know the word of God like they think. It’s sad that in this day and age, there are more and more people who just want to rebel: rebel against God, rebel against their spouse, rebel against a better and more structured way of doing things. God NEVER promised anyone a convenient marriage. If Jesus didn’t have it easy then what makes so called Christians think that THEY will? But it can be more gracious and bearable if you simply do what you’re supposed to do and called to be.
“Where there is no structure, there is no room for order and God is in fact a God of order. All of the people who have commented negatively on this thread should keep that in mind. Just as Adam was made the leader in the garden, and Jesus was and IS the head of the church, so too is the husband the head of the wife. Scripture plainly says this.
“If a woman can submit to a job, submit to a friend, submit to a cause, submit to a store, submit to a credit card, submit to her pastor, and submit to a TV show that she KNOWS she shouldn’t be watching, then she surely can submit to a husband that loves her, takes care of her, and provides and protects her. STOP with all these second grade excuses. Everything I just mentioned, women in general submit to on a regular basis. Regardless of what anyone tells you, no marriage under God can survive for too long, or thrive for too long without structure and order. That’s not to say that the husband is to be a dictator, no. There’s people who go around thinking and believing that God never told the woman or wife to love her husband. But the book of Titus clearly says the opposite.
“And people in general have forgotten or are too busy to notice that the war between Heaven and hell rages on and we are in the middle of it. Truly following Christ comes at a cost and not many of us are willing to pay that cost, as evidenced by the continued rebellion going on in the body of Christ. When are we going to get it right? When are we going stop with the excuses, get out of our own way AND God’s way, stand still and be renewed? There are men and women who say they don’t like structure or that they shoot from the hip. But the very universe was BUILT AND DESIGNED off of structure and it functions off of structure. The human body functions off of structure.
“But you mean to tell me, that husbands and wives or in this case wives can’t submit themselves to their own husbands when it’s God who’s telling them to do so? So if he tells you he’s going to buy you those new pair of shoes you were looking at if you fixed him a sandwich, how fast would it take for you to fix it? But to honor him, respect him, AND your calling, that’s too much, huh? As long as there is rebellion and pride, no marriage under God will be very secure.”
Then a woman named Kathy wrote that a wife’s submission depends on how good her husband is and if he is loving her as Christ loves the Church. (I hear this often.) Pat responded, “No, not necessarily, Kathy. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how good of a servant leader a man or husband is. If that woman or wife doesn’t want to submit then she’s not going to submit. If a woman or wife is rebellious, then there’s nothing that a husband can actually do about it. This is ultimately between her and God. In that type of woman’s mind, she sees submission as a form of weakness or more common, control. It only amplifies her real relationship with God as a result. When you’re that stubborn or that bullheaded or that rebellious, it’s not going to matter. And rebellion is ALWAYS the real reason for lack of submission.”
Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Ephesians 5:22-23
11 thoughts on “God Never Promised a Convenient Marriage”
Entitlement and selfishness ruins most marriages…Especially when the wife wants to usurp the husband’s role in the marriage…
I think men and women would do well to have even just a small amount of sympathy for one another. Right after he addresses wives and husbands, Peter calls all believers to a unity of mind, sympathy, tenderness, and brotherly love. How beautiful our marriages would be even with that! I don’t think it helps much to have the opposite sex calling out the ills of the other sex, although as much as the truth hurts, it does us good to try to listen because we need the perspective of the other. The human body DOES function off structure and order and God’s good order is for marriage to be between one man and one woman. Yet how many men out there struggle immensely against monogamy? Do they not struggle with feeling robbed of much pleasure and opportunities because God has called the man to a life of chastity and faithfulness? Both genders have a lot of refining that needs to happen in their lives, and marriages is one of the ways God works that refinement in us. All of us just need to trust Him, repent our deep sins, and get to work in letting His work be done in us.
Not sure if you intended it or not but Pats comment ended up on the post (Should Husbands Ever Discipline Their Wives).
http://lorialexander.blogspot.com/2014/01/should-husbands-ever-discipline-their.html#idc-cover
Thank you, Trey! I will add that to the post.
“…wrote that a wife’s submission depends on how good her husband is and if he is loving her as Christ loves the Church. ”
Not to put too fine a point on it but–1) Scripture never gives wives an exemption if your husband is well, a crappy husband–real or imagined. I would say that a wife that structures her submission as a reward for correct behaviour, lacks compassion and grace; and should perhaps be focusing on that “log” in herself. And 2) Scripture never says that wives get to define (judge) what is “good” and what is “not good” husband behaviour.
Men (husbands) are not nearly as stupid as unsubmissive, bossy, hard-hearted wives think that they are.
Excellent insight, Robyn. Thank you!
Good post. There are a few blogs of yours from the Always Learning days that stayed with me. The two most powerful were the one you posted about the Three Types of Men (from Created to Be His Helpmeet), and the post where you said in all your years of mentoring women and writing on the blog you’ve decided that a woman’s greatest problem in marriage is her need to control. I had never thought of that in such a global way. But it is true with me, and so many other women in my family.
100% honesty here, you just described me. I am really seeing this lately and I am trying so hard to get out of my own way and stop listing all the faults and justifications that “cause” my actions and just start being better myself!
Hello, my name is Ana Lígia and looking for Blogs about modesty I found yours (as soon as I saw myself in other posts), what a joy to have found it, I’m here enjoying incredible content.
As long as women do not truly turn to God, they will never be able to live the proposals and teachings given by Him.
The world lacks women who fully live their marriage as God has dreamed. Today what we see is a need for the “modern woman” to have control of what is proper to the husband.
Ive never commented on a blog, ever. However, this struck me in my current situation. I am on a minute by minute journey with the Lord right now. My marriage is at best difficult most days as my husband has taken up a past sin as a daily behavior. Ive tried to control or manipulate the situation to “help,” but GOD through a dear friend reminded me he doesnt want nor need my help. All He wants is my obedience (submission). Believe it or not, I’m finding there is great peace and joy to be had on a daily basis when you simply worry about what God expects of you as a wife.
I agree with you wholeheartedly that the wife is commanded to submit to her husband, and the husband to lay down his life for his wife. Of course, we know in the Bible, that no authority is absolute. Just as Paul argued with the Roman government and stood up for his rights, ladies are also allowed to stand up to their husbands if their husbands are being abusive. The word Sub-mission, means the wife is under her husband in a mission to build God’s kingdom. The man’s authority is not for his own comfort or convenience. So, ladies also need to be careful not to be Saphira. She submitted to her husband and God killed her for it. God wanted her to say “No!” Don’t join your husband in sin! Don’t lie for him. Don’t cover for him. Sometimes iron sharpens iron. Sometimes we must be an Abigail, if our husband is putting our family in danger. David was impressed with her wisdom. She was wise to not submit. I think it’s important to mention these things even if they are “exceptions to the rule” because there are women out there in trouble who need to hear it.