Marriage Kills Commitment?

Marriage Kills Commitment?

My friend, Carol, has been married over 47 years. When asked what her secret is to keeping such a strong and happy marriage, she answered, “God is first, then her spouse, her children, then ministry for her, then self in this order.” In contrast, many couples today prioritize their marriages with self as first, then work, children, spouse, and then, maybe God at Christmas and Easter.

According to Goldie Hawn, who has been living with her partner Kurt Russell for over 33 years, marriage kills commitment. “Marriage is an interesting sociological thing. If you need to be bound to someone, then it’s important to be married,” Hawn said while sitting front and center on the show’s panel. “If you have independence, if you have enough money and enough sense of independence and you like your independence, there is something psychological about not being married because it gives you the freedom to make decisions.” She also said if she had wed her partner of over 33 years, Kurt Russell, she would been “long divorced” by now.

Did you marry your husband to be “bound” to him? If you are a believer in Jesus Christ you sure did! What Hollywood fails to realize is that marriage was created and defined by God and this will never change. A man and a woman will become one flesh until death do they part. This is God’s definition no matter how much our culture tries to redefine it. When you become one flesh with your husband, you are bound for life through good times and bad times, sickness and health, poverty and plenty. God is first in your marriage and then your spouse.

“Marriage does take away your independence.” Ms. Hawn is right about this. When you get married, you are your husband’s help meet and live in submission to his leadership. “Blech,” says the world, “that sounds miserable!” (Yes, they use much worse expletives towards this teaching.) She doesn’t understand that God’s ways are good, and acceptable, and perfect since she has been deceived by the prince of the power of the air, Satan, who is the Father of lies. He distorts all of God’s ways and makes good look evil and evil look good.

I can’t tell you how their “relationship” is working behind closed doors but they’ve been together a long time. Others may think this must be the solution since there are so many divorces all around them. It’s not the answer. Living together as an unmarried couple and marrying knowing there is always the option to divorce isn’t any different. But if you are a child of the Most High, you are different.

Yes, we are bound to our husband. We have taken his name, bore his children if blessed with them, and are growing old together through good times and hard times. We have willingly given up our independence and the freedom to make many of our decisions with our husband’s input. This is the way God designed marriage and it is good. It’s a sacrifice and denying ourselves but this is how a believer in Jesus Christ should live their entire lives; marriage is no different. Self is last with a believer, just as Carol’s marriage has prioritized.

If you want a strong and godly marriage, put your priorities in the same order that Carol put them. Hollywood’s priorities are upside down and destructive to the majority of marriages. And no, marriage doesn’t kill commitment. It is commitment.

Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.
Matthew 16:24

19 thoughts on “Marriage Kills Commitment?

  1. Very sad! The radical feminists also treat marriage as dating 2.0! Not a lifelong bind between a man and woman. This is the root of many broken homes and the “any family is a real family” propaganda!

          1. Daniel, intellectually, the attitude is not the “step further” … attitude is the seed of the fruit; the fruit that emerges as grown is the actual truth– the walk not the talk (habits, character, behaviours). As said in my earlier comment and will now say a different way. There are many (not few) unbelievers within the church culture — those that sing out “i’m a christian, i’m a christian, i’m a christian” to everyone. Yet the fruit of their lives (which is what we are told to “observe instead of judge” for the simple and singular purpose of sussing out True believers over false ones) is easily seen by the resemblance of the world they demonstrate for all to see: the way they order their life. One of the things false believers do, is make fantastical claims of a Saviour but don’t give their lives to His Lordship. So, when the trials and fire comes the foundation they’ve built on, the sand is visible … to true believers. It is not the judgment of the person, but rather the claim of Christ that says, “He never knew them.”

  2. Hollyweird has virtually no idea about anything. They are completely clueless about marriage, education, and politics. Yet, Americans keep giving them money and our attention, as if they matter.

    Imagine how great America would have been without television!! We would be far wiser, far more virtuous, and marriages would be in much better shape. Also, we wouldn’t have to listen to Goldie Hawn lecture us on relationships when she has no real relationship to speak of.

    Does anyone think Kurt Russell has been faithful during these 33 years? I certainly don’t. However, in the mind of a feminist, men being faithful isn’t that important. There are many feminists who arrange for their husbands to have sex with other women. One of the first feminists was Sarah in the Bible, who was a Godly woman, but had her moments. She wasn’t patient, and Abraham didn’t want to cross her, so when she couldn’t have a child, she arranged for Abraham to sleep with her servant Hagar who went on to conceive Ishmael. As a result of Sarah’s feminism, we have had 1,400 years of war between Christianity and Islam, and we have no end in sight.

    Great article, Lori!

  3. Focus on the Family has an excellent resource entitled “Five reasons you need the PIECE of PAPER.” Briefly, it discusses why living together isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Those who are truly committed are willing to demonstrate it by NOT living together and waiting to make it “official” to do so. You can access this informative booklet on the web @ http://www.heartlink. org Thanks for your post today, Lori, and for allowing your readers to comment.

  4. I have been married for nearly 34 years. Through unbelievable joy, and crushing lows. We work together as a team. We both have strengths and weaknesses. And wouldn’t have it any other way. Love changes over the course of 30 odd years. And yes we both have habits that annoy each other! Right now, we are on a quick break to the country. And while I slept, my lovely hubby did the dishes. Little things like that are lovely. In our marriage we both do housework, shopping etc . And it still works after 33 years.

  5. I share a view like Michael pearls. None of his children are married with a state issues piece of paper. Not one of them acquired a marriage license. But all 5 were married in the sight of God and all those present. The idea that you aren’t married unless you have a state issued piece of paper is a falsehood. Just another way Government tries to control something invented and ordained by God. Government has nothing to do with it. As long as a couple demonstrates their love and commitment to God and each other in front of family and friends, I have no problem with couples being ‘married’ without that piece of paper. Mind you, my husband and I obtained a piece of paper. Had we known of the idea beforehand, we may not of bothered. But we didn’t know until we heard Michael pearl speak on it.

    1. Legal marriage can be beneficial depending on your situation. It gives husbands and wives certain rights for medical and monetary decisions, protects children, provides tax incentives, allows for insurance coverage, etc.

      Some couples may choose the path of only marrying before God, but not having a legally recognized marriage. This is a unique decision that most couples would probably not choose for the factors listed above.

      1. I definitely see the benefits of marriage with a paper. Certainly there are legal ramifications for not doing so. However it made me rethink couples living together before marriage. The situation would be rare, but there are couples who are absolutely committed and are in it for the long run. I would have to know the circumstances and I think counseling should be offered beforehand. However if the circumstances were right, I wouldn’t condemn a boyfriend/girlfriend living together. If they took their time making that decision and were actively doing what they can to make a wise decision. But treating unwed couples living together like a pair of lepers all because they were deficient in a piece of paper is abhorrent. Most live in couples today make that move hastily and based on feelings and hormones. With little regard to the ramifications. And break up soon after. I have no problem with Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell living together, but I disagree slightly with her views on a marriage certificate. And as for the comment above, how many times has he cheated on her? If he was going to cheat, I don’t think a piece of paper would of stopped him.

        1. What people don’t seem to understand is that the bible makes too clear distinction s between cohabiting women and married women.

          Ever heard of the concubine and the wife. The concubine was living with the man and had less rights technically speaking to the wife.

          I see no evidence of any rights given to her in the bible bar for the man to officially make her his wife.

          There is evidence that concubines live with men who did not appear to have a wife. Perhaps the wife had died or something and it did not end that well in one case.

          Personally if some one has a problem going down to the register office to get a licence to confirm you are married, I would be quite concerned. We do not buy a house or a business without a contract so why do people have an issue with it in terms of marriage?

          And as for covenant marriage or no licence marriage, let’s go back in 5 years and see what happens?

          Why isn’t Kent Horvind onto his third wife now? The second was that kind of marriage. She walked out and that was it bang! Next wife!

  6. I went to dinner with my brother-in-law the other night. My husband (not me!) asked him how his relationship with his girlfriend of 3 years is going.

    My brother-in-law immediately starts talking about their new apartment (they just moved in together) which segways into how they want a bigger apartment, and then how he wants to buy a house in a certain neighborhood in the future.

    Do you notice that both Goldie Hawn and my Brother-in-Law mentioned Finances when talking about their relationships?

    That’s the problem. My brother-in-law is dating his girlfriend for MONEY not Love (and some sex on the side…but not love.)

    My husband’s father is a douchebag who is all into ‘Business’ and married two full-time working women I suspect largely so he wouldn’t have to provide for all his kids. So my father-in-law has really Bashed “Women Are To Be Used for Money” into his children’s heads.

    Me and my hubby had a nasty little fight before we got married…I said that he used his ex-gf of many many many many years for the sole sake of ‘Getting onto the Property Ladder’ and ‘Showing to his Family and Friends how Wealthy He was (Your not wealthy if you need a woman’s salary to buy a house!)’ and my husband got SO ANGRY…enraged…almost kicked me out of the car.

    But…later….my husband realized that I was right. He had used his ex-gf to get onto the property ladder (and she him…my husband ended up losing money in the deal when they broke up…and rightfully so for being dishonorable!)

    You can’t let a man look at you as a Horse to Mow the Fields with Financially.

    It’s a nasty, nasty, gross, and disgusting way of looking at the person you are dating.

    And it never ends well.

    I did speak up about the brother in law not marrying his girlfriend at the dinner, and he didn’t like that AT ALL…which really says more about his feelings about the girl then anything else. I said to my husband ‘Hey, I had to speak up…you know full well if I don’t say it out loud NO ONE else will’ and my husband acknowledged that fact.

  7. Lori, it is sad today that people have taken it upon themselves to redefine things already defined by God. Take love for one. Love is first and foremost vertical; whilst we were yet sinners, God loved us. We love Him because He first loved us. If anyone loves Christ, He will keep His word, and the Father will love him; and make a home with him. In the absence of this vertical foundational aspect, ALL horizontal portrayals of love will naturally be unfulfilling at best and/or destructive at worst. If Ms Hawn loved and obeyed God; she would have no qualms about wedding Mr Russell and with God’s grace endeavouring to conduct herself as a wife and mother, in a manner worthy of the calling of the Gospel. When people claim to be Christian (not Ms Hawn) and live with people they are not married to; it’s a sign that they possess a form of godliness but deny the power thereof. They need to be evangelized urgently.

    1. So, no one is married in the sight of God unless they have a state blessed, (if you can call it that) piece of paper? And if they don’t get that piece of paper then their salvation is to be questioned and they are to be evangelized? I’ll bet Mary and Joseph never had that magical piece of paper. Probably didn’t exist back then.. My my, all those wicked, heathen people that didn’t have that paper. (🙄groan) said paper has no purpose other than to enable you to obtain government assistance etc. That’s it. It has nothing to do with salvation or God giving His blessing. God can bless a couple without it. But they need to acknowledge him before witnesses that He is the entire of their relationship, that they will serve Him and forsake all others. Otherwise all of Michael pearls kids would be unsaved and he would not be biblicly qualified to preach.

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