Our Obedience Never Depends on His Obedience

Our Obedience Never Depends on His Obedience

There is a false and destructive teaching about submission that is prevalent in our day and age as this one woman stated: “Women do not want to submit because they don’t feel safe and they don’t feel that they can depend on the man. If men want women to submit, they need to make her feel safe (physically and emotionally) and they also need to be dependable in areas such as family income and finances. When these happen, a woman will naturally.”

Our obedience NEVER depends upon someone else obeying the Lord. Never. As Theresa responded to this woman’s comment: “A woman should submit to her husband because she loves God and is obeying Him and not live in disobedience to the word of God until she thinks her husband meets her requirements. Oh how I wish people could see and understand the beauty of submission in faith and obedience to God!”

Then KB responded: “‘When these happen, a woman will naturally submit to her husband.’ There is simply no evidence or basis to this statement. Should men also love their wives ONLY if they meet certain criteria? Point is, love and submission to our spouses are both done because of obedience to God’s word – and not because the other party deserves it, or does something to ‘earn’ it.”

Ken has mentored men who have rebellious wives and he teaches them to only act in a Christian way towards their wives. We have yet to see one of these women submit or begin to be kind to their hard-working, kind husbands. Unless a woman decides to soften her heart and become the wife the Lord has called her to become, there isn’t much a husband can do about it. A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. Whosoever hideth her hideth the wind, and the ointment of his right hand, which bewrayeth itself” (Proverbs 27:15, 16). What does the second part of this verse mean? 

 “Whoever attempts to stop her brawls and contentions, to repress and restrain them, and hinder her voice being heard in the streets, and endeavours to hide the shame that comes upon herself and family, attempts a thing as impossible as to hide the wind in the palm of a man’s hand, or to stop it from blowing…all attempts to stop the mouth of a brawling woman does but cause her to brawl the louder” (Gill’s Exposition).

“If he tries to hold or stop his wife, she escapes him like the oil which you try in vain to keep in your hand…An old adage says that there are three things which cannot be hidden, but always betray themselves, viz. a woman, the wind, and ointment” (Pulpit Commentary).

It’s impossible to stop a woman who decides to be contentious (given to angry debate; quarrelsome, perverse) no matter how badly she is destroying her family. Yes, there are many women who are choosing to live in rebellion to God’s plan for them and will often use the excuse that their husbands aren’t loving them as Christ loved the Church.

Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands (Proverbs 14:1) If you want to be a wise woman, obey the Lord and begin living in submission to your husband’s leadership. Don’t wait until he’s the perfect husband that you believe he should be; for you will one day stand in the presence of the Lord to give an account for how you lived your life, not how your husband lived his.

12 thoughts on “Our Obedience Never Depends on His Obedience

  1. Thank you for sharing this today. I have been to several Christian weddings and have noticed the trend for couples to write their own vows. What is alarming about this is the omission of the word “submit” and/or “obey” on the wife’s part. I also appreciated yesterday’s post, Lori. The verse in II Tim. “…She shall be saved in childbearing…” is such an interesting portion of scripture. Its meaning is a bit of a mystery, wouldn’t you say?

    1. Yes, most wives have no desire to obey or submit to their husbands, Holly, but they like the idea of mutual submission which means their husbands submit to them!

      After studying the verse about being saved in childbirth and writing that post from yesterday, I don’t see it as much of a mystery. God has a created order and His order for women is to be in the home taking care of their husbands, children, and home.

  2. In addition we see so many good solid Bible teachers and Bible based family organizations teaching that a man has to continue to earn his wife’s respect. How does he do that? It is up to the wife to decide if her husband has done enough to earn the right for the respect / submission. She can give her submission / respect to other men, preachers, etc. just because of their position. Yet the husband has to continue to earn her respect the way he did when the couple was courting.

    By the way, I have noticed that as we have gotten further away from formal churches to more of the come as you are type churches, we no longer see traditional vows. Also, I noticed that the first words dropped and changed was the words were submit and obey. It was changed to respect and then more towards mutual submission. Since we men are marrying our sisters in Christ we are to mutually submit to one another.

    1. The ironic thing is if women really believed in mutual submission, as they say they do, then they would be submitting to their husbands regardless of whether or not their husbands submitted to them since they are responsible for their part in “mutual submission.” But they aren’t interested in it at all. They seem to be only interested in their husbands submitting to their will, just as God said in the beginning: “Her desire will be for her husband…” There’s nothing new under the sun!

    2. “Love, honour and cherish” were the words in my wedding vows. My husband and I both spoke these words when we got married 15 years ago. I had no intention of being an “obedient” wife in those days.

  3. There is a false and destructive teaching about love that is prevalent in our day and age as this one man stated: “Men do not want to love because they don’t feel respected and they don’t feel that they can depend on the woman. If women want men to love, they need to make him feel respected (physically and emotionally) and they also need to be dependable in areas such as family income and finances. When these happen, a man will naturally.”

    See what kind of screeching when you flip things…

    1. jeff- that is actually true, in my experience.

      A man finds it difficult to love a woman who doesn’t admire and respect him. Men need admiration to feel manly. Without it, men DO find it difficult to love their wives.

      In an article I was reading the other day about men cheating on their wives, the number one reason for the affair was that the “other woman” admired the man, when his wife didn’t.

      To a feminist, that need for admiration makes a man sound a bit pathetic. But it’s actually true – men DO need admiration and respect from their wives to be able to truly love them. It’s so easy to see the difference in my own husband when I admire him (even when I’m watching him split wood or something equally manly) than when I’m belittling him or even just mad at him for some reason.

  4. Agree with KAK. My marriage has been better since I make sure to admire my husband and tell him how much he is appreciated. It really matters to men, I believe, to feel needed and wanted.

  5. I love your point that our obedience has nothing to do with the disobedience of others.

    I address the 2nd part of your post here, though, with my thought: The healing of the church starts with women.

    I have always been rebuffed on this statement for the roughly 3-4 years I have realized this, but your statement of your results of counseling women and your notation of Proverbs 27:15-16 point to this, as well as Doug Wilson’s 35 years of marriage counseling and his words in his 6-20-16 post at Dougwils.com ‘The Peril of Zero Sum Counseling’

    “repent and believe is one that can still be delivered to men. But that is not the case anymore with women. Any counselor who actually tries to address feminine shortcomings in a dysfunctional relationship is a brave counselor ….my wife has seen the same reaction that I have, and sometimes more quickly ….the thing that usually wrecks the woman’s joy …[is] the fact that her sin is untouchable. We are dealing with a culture-wide insistence that women not be held responsible for what they do …even into the conservative wing of the church, and has now been weaponized.”

    I will add, if men are so bad to women like the world and church make them out to be, where are all the scriptural warnings to women about men wanting to destroy their lives? I’ve noticed none. Did God not see this coming and put them in His word? Or is it simply a false issue. When I Google search “Scriptures warning women about men” all the results are similar to these priority and actual results: “25 verses about evil women”, “47 verses about seduction,” “Proverbs warning men about female nature,” “Homewreckers,” etc.

    This by no means deflects the condition of men that needs infinite attention and obedience to God’s word. But I suggest that the notion that this will occur in mass BEFORE women begin to submit is simply not scriptural.

    Scripture does warn men about men as false prophets and as liars, thieves, adulterers, deceivers, etc. But it is not specifically charged as warnings to wives and women, as the condition of women is to men in scripture. Accepting that is learning about and accepting our Lord. And thereby receiving peace and joy.

  6. I find it pathetic that the church has adopted the notion that if men please their wives they will naturally care for them. Men are a picture of Christ and woman the church, I find no where in scripture that God pleases us and our every whim and we come running to Him giving Him great love and pleasure. Nope if we draw near to Him He will draw near to us, my sheep hear my voice and obey me. Christ died for the church that He might sanctify it by the washing of the Word. Most wives won’t let their husbands wash them with the Word let alone obey him. I see most wives tearing down their home with their own hands and on judgement day they won’t be able to blame anyone cause Gods voice is as many waters, the one time a voice of which they can’t shut down, shut out or talk over. I believe we are living in a day where the churches have allowed that prophetess jezebel to teach. The churches have become silent not wanting to look bigotry as the liberal shouts loudly teaching amongst our people the doctrine of devils, jezebel the one who knows best. Here’s why I believe this, in our churches the older woman teach not the younger but all are taught by the pastors where our wives respect the pastor but not the husband. Nothing is said against woman working, daycare, woman serving in church night and day leaving husbands to fend for themselves, public schools, etc. we silence the cry’s of our children as we offer them on the alter of Baal with programs, sensual music, plays and activities. All the while our kids see mom ever continually undermining dad, disobeying him and much disorderly conduct then going to church acting all spiritual. Husband and children both know along with the church that if mom ain’t happy ain’t nobody happy, if that’s not jezebels teaching then I don’t know what is.
    I’ve been in a marriage almost 3 decades and doing a work for the Lord with the help of a Godly wife is not yet possible though both of us claim Christianity yet no unity still only pain and sorrow.

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