Putting Away Our Childish Ways
In the first ten or so years of our marriage, I would cry if my husband did something that hurt my feelings or I didn’t like. I never do this anymore and haven’t for many years! “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things” (1 Corinthians 13:11). I no longer use my emotions and feelings to try and manipulate my husband in order to get my way, thankfully!
I asked the women in the chat room, “What is something you did in the early years of your marriage that you don’t do anymore? Actions that prove that you have put childish ways behind you?”
Maicie: “If I got mad about something I would let it effect me for days. Now sometimes I may go to bed upset (not mad and angry) but I do not allow it to carry on into the next day.”
“Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26). The only things you should be angry about are sin and Satan. Yes, be angry if you find out your husband has been viewing porn but then hand it over to God and pray for your husband. Don’t get angry if he didn’t hang up his towel, help you with the children, or watches too much TV.
Sabrina: “I was beyond disrespectful to my husband. I cringe thinking about this and am now diligent about my behavior when it comes to this.”
“…and the wife see that she reverence her husband” (Ephesians 5:33).
Cassie: “I had to have everything my way. I wore the pants and totally disrespected him all the time. One of the biggest ways I have changed is that I used to ask my husband how he wanted to handle something, say a behavior issue with our son, then I would ask my mom. If her thought was different than his (which usually it was), I would do it the way my mom said and just ignore my husband’s opinion on the matter.”
“Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing” (Ephesians 5:24).
Jennifer: “I never took time for him. I always put everything before him. Now he comes first. Even if I am busy or on the middle of something, if he speaks to me, I give him all my attention.”
Sarah: “I used to leave a note for my husband when he got home from work (he works nights and has our entire married life) with all the chores I ‘needed’ him to do for me.”
“And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him” (Genesis 2:18).
Denise: “I used to argue about anything and everything that didn’t go as I wished. My husband always says he doesn’t know who I’ve been listening to about being a good wife but he sure is happy things have drastically changed. A lot of my new found wisdom comes from this page and an open heart and mind to obey God’s true meaning of my role.”
“She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:12).
Andrea: “That’s such an awesome testimony ❤️ if more women would take godly advice instead of arguing and getting upset. God’s way is the only perfect way and godly advice will never harm us but help us. I used to nag at him and get so upset because he did things I thought were wrong (hobbies) instead of paying attention to me ??♀️ or being more ‘spiritual.’ I was a mess!”
“It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling (quarreling) woman and in a wide house” (Proverbs 25:24).
Meghan: “Thank God I’m not how I used to be but I still have way more growing to do in this area. This group has been a great help to me. Thank you all for sharing! It’s very encouraging!”
“But exhort one another daily, while it is called Today; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin” (Hebrews 3:13)
Paige: “I always found something to be angry about. I lost my temper often over little things. I didn’t appreciate him but expected him to be my servant basically.”
“A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike” (Proverbs 27:15).
Evangela: “I use to lecture him if I didn’t feel heard. I’d say the same thing over and over in a different way and just keep talking endlessly. He’d zone out, and I’d talk more. Now I just say something once and then drop it. If he doesn’t want to hear me, I’m not insulted. If I have something really important to say, I use only three or four sentences. It makes me think before I speak so I know exactly what I’m saying.”
“She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness” (Proverbs 31:26).
Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
Proverbs 31:10
9 thoughts on “Putting Away Our Childish Ways”
Marriage takes time to mature into a lot of the time. We all will make selfish mistakes, which we must fight against and fix in order to have a happy marriage, not one of selfishness and demands and lose the spark! My grandparents said the key to their 60+ year marriage was putting the other before yourself! The issue today is many marriages are merely dating 2.0 and build on selfishness, “What can he do for me?” vs. “What can I do for him?”…. This is leading to the me generation of broken homes and hook up culture where marriage is devalued! Indeed quite childish!
I think I have learned much about marriage from reading scripture and godly women. And honestly it’s hard to find such so many are like ” dripping faucets”. I’m even uncomfortable to be around them.
Since I don’t do Facebook, it’s nice to read here what the ladies wrote. Thank you Lori and Facebook ladies.
Wow, was this post a wake-up call for me. I would cite one thing I’m working on changing since my heyday in marriage (although it will be 13 years next week the change in my attitude has only been regretfully recent, but praise God it has happened at all!) is that I try to hold my tongue now, whether it is by spoken or written word. The tongue truly is a restless evil, as God’s Word states. Unfortunately a few minutes before I read this post I backslid and sent a sarcastic-laden text. 🙁 But look how the Lord chastens those he loves! As I said, this was a wake-up call. Lori, your blog is a real blessing to women, thank you as always for sharing God’s light.
God Bless!
I’ve been married for 3 years and in the first couple years, even before we married, I had a tendency to runaway. It was a habit I’d developed after my own mother. I would just walk away if I couldn’t handle my emotions, the topic, or my husband’s perspective. Once, even getting out of the car at a stoplight and staying at a hotel. I’m not proud of these moments. I still struggle with a desire to runaway, but I’ve learned to fight it or to humble myself and return (and apologize) as soon as I realize my error. Most of the time now I catch myself before I even walk out the door or get to my car. I remember once looking back at my husband and seeing the pain I caused by walking out on him when he was spilling his heart to me and that image of his face has never left me. I wondered what must he be experiencing knowing he can’t depend on me to stick around? I still have many childish habits to kick. Most of them I don’t even notice as childish or unreasonable, but my patient husband loves me so much that he sticks around as I learn to be a better wife. Someday I hope to learn to manage my emotion and help any daughters I am blessed with to learn from the wisdom God gives me.
Humbled Wife,
I read your comment and that was me early in my marriage. I hated confrontation and I took my husband’s disagreements with me as just that, confrontations. And I did leave and stay at a hotel one time! I will be praying for you sister? I no longer do that and we have been together 25 years. I realized I had to face what was happening and yes, I lost my temper at times, but I got hold of that also. I read a book by Jeff&Marge Barth, “Becoming Heirs Together to the Grace of Life,” and it changes the way I saw my role as a godly wife. It is out of print , but maybe Amazon has a used copy or Ebay. Your husband is your greatest cheerleader, be his. Xx
Yes, be angry if you find out your husband has been viewing porn but then hand it over to God and pray for your husband.
You’re missing the part that you do to prevent the temptation to sexual immorality so that Satan may not tempt you both . The selfishness of sexual denial, regardless of who is doing it, leads to temptation. Whether it is the temptation to an affair, pornography, hating your partner, revenge, or just more selfish denial of the one-flesh unity in the marriage.
1 Corinthians 7:2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband. 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
We men are easy to please. Just give us respect, sex, obedience, and be helpful,(like making food) and most men will be completely head over heals in love with you. If you consistently fail at any one of those things, don’t be surprised when your husband is disappointed with you.
I have heard that the secret to keeping a man is to keep his stomach full and his **** empty. I believe it.
Most husbands would rather have relations with their wife than turn to porn. Usually if they turn to porn it is because they have been repeatedly rejected and are avoiding the rejection but still wanting sexual release. Unlike many wives, Porn is always there for them, and never rejects them.
Even if your husband prefers porn to you, show him the verses above that say his body is yours for your sexual usage, and request it. Attack him with desire, tell him how badly you want him, interrupt his porn habit with an over the top sex life with you. Wear him out. Don’t leave him any unused sexual energy. Many people never think to try the obvious. That is why I believe our Creator spelled it out for us in the Bible. There might be a man somewhere who is so selfish that he would deny his wife’s sincere request for sex and insist on sticking with porn, but I doubt that there are many, and if that is your case, try getting your husband help through the leadership of your church. But don’t try getting him help if you haven’t first tried fully doing your part. Nobody at the church should be expected to lessen your husband’s sex drive but you. Your husband’s need for sexual validation may have been increased because of your rejection or selfish lack of interest in him. Showing a healthy sexual interest in your husband may actually satisfy part of his craving for sexual validation.
No man is going to derive much validation from a wife who acts unwilling to enjoy sex with him. And there is always someone out there willing to give him that validation if you are denying him.
The best marriage advice I ever received from a mentor was to trust God as the God who is sovereign over all things including my husband and his ability to lead, as well as my ultimate Provider and Protector. This has helped me immensely when I struggle with decisions that my husband has made or when I disagree with him on something. I’m not saying I get it right every time, but knowing that God is the one who ultimately protects and provides for me, through the earthly means of a husband, gives me great comfort. If my husband makes an unwise decision, I can share my opinion if he asks for it, and if he proceeds with an unwise decision, while it’s hard and painful at times, I know that if it was the wrong decision, God will convict and humble him, and I don’t need to do that. And that God will provide for us (of course, there may be consequences) throughout all of our decisions. It is hard because it is not in our nature to submit, but that has been my ongoing prayer, that I would have a humble heart, willing to submit to my husband. Understanding that this submission can only flow out of a first submission to Christ has helped my perspective immensely.
Hello Lori,
I have struggled being sensitive my whole life. I’m no longer super sensitive, but my husband is very black and white and realistic and sometimes what he says does really hurt and it makes me cry. I really try not to, but when I’m pregnant and overwhelmed (2 young children and 1 with severe health issues) I cry more easily. Any encouragement to not get weepy when your man is saying hard things to hear? Thanks 🙂
Picture your shield of faith in front of you and every time he says words that hurt, picture those words pinging straight up to God and unable to penetrate your shield of faith. God can handle them!