The Transformed Wife
Her Pastor and Elders Helped Her Win Her Husband
Recently, I shared a post on social media about Debi Pearl and her angry dad. He worked hard to support the family, but would flare up in anger and even cuss at her mother and children at times. Yet, Debi’s mother remained cheerful and kind. She eventually won him over with her godly behavior. He never became perfect (imagine that!), but he was a far better man due to Debi’s faithful mother. Some felt her mother should have gone to the elders.
I asked this question on my Facebook page and Instagram: “Should wives, who are married to disobedient husbands, ever go to the elders of the church about it? Have any of you ever done this and had success? I’m just not sure how it would help a marriage. It seems like it would just make the husband bitter? I do see it happening if a husband is an elder or pastor at the church. I tend to believe that wives winning their disobedient husbands by their godly lifestyle have a better chance of saving the marriage, as stated in 1 Peter 3:1,2.” This is what one woman, who was in a difficult marriage, answered privately to me:
“I’d like to answer these questions but want to remain anonymous. Yes, I had to go to our pastors/elders. It was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, and I didn’t go until many years after first trying to win him without a word and never saying a word about what he was like to a single soul. My husband did not begin the process of change until the pastors knew. He was angry at first, but now he is glad that I did. That accountability, dragging things into the light, is what began to sanitize his severe sin habits (just as God’s Word tells us bringing things into the light will do).
“The truth is that general marriage principles, which produce great fruit in a relatively healthy marriage, do not tend to produce the same when someone is dealing with addiction, abuse, or unfaithfulness. Yes, respect and submission still apply— AND more is needed. 1 Peter 3 is clear that we are not guaranteed to win him without a word. God tells us that we ‘might’ win him, but that means we also may not.
“My husband and I both deeply regret the years that I kept his sin a secret (even eventually sharing with an older, wiser woman was not at all enough). I was trying to do the right thing, but I did not realize that in cases such as abuse, addiction, and adultery, much deeper work and help are needed. The roots of these things go much deeper than most people realize.
“In the end, my covering his sin only made it possible for him to continue in it for longer, and for both of us (and our children) to suffer as a result. We both regret, with agony, the years that we can never get back, which may have been much sweeter had we only known. We love where we are now and all we have learned, but there is much heartache and damage to heal from, which could have been avoided if I had not been so set on ONLY trying to win him without a word. I realize this is not true for everyone, but it was for us. I know more than several other couples for whom this was their story as well. Sometimes praying and waiting result in change and repentance. But, more often than not, especially in circumstances such as ours, more is needed. So many have suffered and died, never knowing what could have been. Addicts and the like need a ‘big stick,’ if you will (not from the wife, of course); theirs is very, very rarely a case of being won without that. People need to know.
“And yes— it was a good pastor and good elders that we were blessed with! But they pointed us to resources that were outside the norm. That’s what really did it. Honestly, if we had stuck with a method that looked at it as a ‘marriage problem,’ we would still be stuck, because in our case, it really was a set of sin issues that were specific to my husband, regardless of what I was doing, and they started long before I came along. If we had continued within the normal rubric of biblical counseling, we would not be where we are today. Not because the Bible is insufficient, not at all, but because we needed counsel from people with experience in our extreme circumstances— people who could apply biblical principles correctly to what was going on.”
We both agreed that this wouldn’t be a good thing if the husband was not a believer and not a member of a church. Thankfully, this woman’s husband was. One woman came to me who was in a difficult marriage. Her husband was an angry man. One of my good friends mentored her for many years. A few years ago, I asked my friend how this woman was doing. She told me she was doing great, not because she had won her husband but because she knew how to handle the situation by finding her joy and strength in the Lord.
Another friend of mine won her husband from a deep porn addiction through help from her pastor and a counselor. Her husband did go to church and claimed to be a Christian. You can read her testimony HERE. Another friend of mine won her husband “without the word” while he was openly committing adultery. He claimed to be a Christian and was involved in a church, but she never went to the elders or pastor. She won him over with her godly behavior, and he later thanked her profusely for doing this.
So, I don’t believe there’s a perfect answer to every situation. Each wife in a difficult marriage needs to seek the Lord in wisdom and use all avenues that are open to her, then wait upon the Lord. Trust Him to convict and change her husband while He is working on her, too. He promises to give wisdom to those who ask.
If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.
James 1:5
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Solution For Sleepless Nights Due to Painful Muscles
Recently, my upper right arm began hurting. On Sunday, I began massaging it with some of my fingers. By the time I went to bed, it was extremely painful. I only slept a few hours that night. When I arose from my bed, I nearly fainted from the pain and lack of sleep. When I was able, I went to get the book you see above.
I have been using it for many years for all types of physical and muscular pain. Years ago, when my neck was fused, I had a frozen shoulder that was incredibly painful. I researched everything about it. There was no way I was going to let a physical therapist work on it. It was simply too painful to bear. Thankfully, I found this book. It took a month for the pain to go away completely and for me to be able to raise my arm above my head, but it was worth it! This is the updated version, and it’s fantastic! To figure out the trigger points, I found this page:
I had no idea what could have caused this, so once I found out where the trigger points were, I wanted to figure out how I would have injured my upper arm so severely. I never lift anything heavy or do any hard labor with my arms due to my neck. I try to pamper it all the time, or else I pay a heavy price. This is what the book said:
So, it made perfect sense! I read a lot. I hold up my Kindle so I don’t have to look down and harm my neck. I usually don’t rest my elbows on the arms of my chair, so they’re just hanging there and stressing the muscles in my upper arms.
I also found that over-massaging it can inflame it, which I did on Sunday. It instructed me to do the trigger point therapy more gently and ice it afterwards. So, I did that all day on Monday (trigger point every three hours, then icing). That night, I slept nine hours straight with no pain! If you struggle with headaches, tendonitis anywhere, foot pain, or any pain, I encourage you to buy this book!
Sometimes, I wonder why I am given so much pain. I decided it must be to help all of you who suffer often as I do!
For the joy of the Lord is your strength.
Nehemiah 8:10
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Am I a Cult Leader?
A man wrote a LONG, boring post trying to convince people that I am a cult leader. Michelle Lesley used his post to support her claim that I am a false teacher. So, I want to ask you if you think I am a cult leader? Many accuse Bill Gothard of being a cult leader, too. Some of you may wonder why I even bring up Gothard’s name since most seem to despise him. It’s because he was the first one who taught me about modesty, the value of marriage, children, and being a keeper at home, and warned us about secular music and television. I was 17 years old. My family attended his week-long conference. It was a breath of fresh air. I was not being taught these things anywhere else.
It’s the same reason I defend the Pearls, whom many call a cult, too. Debi’s book transformed my marriage at the age of 45. Michael’s Bible teaching taught me Scripture as no one else had, and who I am in Christ. Both of these were life-changing. I appreciate them greatly. When Bill Gothard was giving his conferences, it was in response to the 60s revolution. I lived the results of that wicked movement through high school. It was ugly and destructive to many, so to hear what he taught excited me. I didn’t hear anything more about the truths he taught until I read Debi’s book.
A woman on YouTube has made a bunch of videos seeking out the truth about the accusations against Bill Gothard and IBLP. One of the videos examines the accusation of Gothard being a cult leader. I don’t believe any accusations about others unless the accusations are backed up by the accused person’s own words and in context. (You would understand if you had as many false accusations made about you as I do.)
So, do IBLP, Gothard, and I fit all of these characteristics of being a cult leader?
Gothard was charismatic just as Billy Graham, Charlie Kirk, and many others who weren’t cult leaders. I sure wouldn’t call myself charismatic! So let’s give Gothard a yes on that one.
Did IBLP have dictatorial control over the people whom he taught? No, IBLP had a board that could overrule him at any time, and they did. So, he gets a no on that one. I sure don’t have control over any of those who learn from me, either. I simply teach what God has commanded me to teach.
Did Gothard require isolation from family and friends not involved? No, he never required that, and neither do I. Another no.
Did he have no tolerance for questions or criticism of cult practices? No, in fact, the woman in the video has a clip (proof) of Gothard encouraging those who were learning from him to be a Berean and search Scripture to make sure that what he taught was scriptural, that it matched with Scripture. I have encouraged women to do the same with what I teach. Another no.
Was there unquestioned adherence to the leader’s dictates? He taught women to dress modestly, but it was then the parents’ decision how their daughters should obey this command from God. Parents were to decide if their children watched TV, listened to rock and roll, and everything else. He didn’t enforce anything. He taught his convictions from Scripture, as I do. Some children were given strict boundaries by their parents, who enforced what they taught, but these were their own convictions. Other children were not given such strict boundaries. (She played a video of two people who grew up under IBLP. One had grown up in a stricter home than the other.) We had strong convictions with our children and always tried to back up those convictions with Scripture. As you know, I dictate nothing to nobody! Another no.
Were there punishments for leaving the group? Families could come and go as they pleased in IBLP. There was no punishment or being excommunicated from the group. I sure haven’t punished anyone for stopping learning from me either! I do ban those who are cruel or constantly harassing me.
IBLP had no boundaries where the families could live. Gothard encouraged that families live together as husband and wife with children. He certainly didn’t take all of their money and assets. And contrary to popular opinion, he was not a rich man. The only money I have collected from some of you is from my books, and we give that to a local prolife organization. So, we both get three nos on these, too.
In conclusion, Bill Gothard, even the Pearls, nor I are cult leaders. It simply seems to be a way to criticize and try to destroy our ministries. Do I agree with everything Gothard and the Pearls teach? No. We all must search the Scriptures and come to our own convictions. We’re just trying to lead people away from worldliness and towards godliness as imperfect people. Thank you for reading.
These were more noble than those in Thessalonica, in that they received the word with all readiness of mind, and searched the scriptures daily, whether those things were so.
Acts 17:11
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My Response to Elizabeth Prata’s False Accusations Against Me
1. I am not a Pelagian and believe that we all have inherited Adam’s sinful flesh.
2. Michael Pearl is not a Pelagian, and he, too, does not believe in or teach sinless perfectionism.
3. I believe in salvation by grace alone through faith in Christ Jesus and that we were made for good works as God’s workmanship.
4. I love correction from God’s Word, and all who know me personally see a vibrant life full of joy in Christ Jesus through much pain and illness. But why would I want to receive correction from liars and trolls? Show me where my life does not match up with God’s Word, and I will readily change it.
5. You have obviously not read my book on biblical womanhood that teaches from over forty passages of scripture. And I have shared many more passages on what it means to walk in newness of life. Only a troll would lie so blatantly after reading me for so many years.
6. You need to repent. I have done nothing but love you, particularly when you were in financial need. I did nothing against you, yet you choose to lie about me. Why Elizabeth? Why? I still love you.
Michelle Lesley also needs to take down her post accusing me of being a false teacher based on Elizabeth Prata’s false accusations against me.
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Make Money By Saving Money
Written by Lisa Vitello in her “New Harvest Homestead” newsletter from 2005
One of the most useful lessons I have learned over the years is the concept of making money by saving money. Our 25 years of marriage have been marked by financial ups and downs. When I was a young, first-time mother, I joined the La Leche League. The Lord really used that lovely group of ladies to set me on a course for the rest of my wifely and mothering journey.
I was introduced to a wonderful book called “The Heart Has Its Own Reasons” by Mary Ann Cahill. In it, she tells the stories of dozens of mothers who made it their ambition to live on one income so they could stay home and raise their children. It was from this book that I learned to be watchful about where our money was going every month. I now call this The Checkbook Challenge.
Most of us conduct the majority of our daily transactions through the use of checks or debit cards. At the end of the month, take out your checkbook. On a piece of paper, start making categories for all expenses like groceries, gas, mortgage payments, etc., and then add up the totals. When you are done, you should have a fairly good idea of how and where you are spending your money – if it has been an average month for you.
Now, here is the hard part. Make two more columns on your paper, one marked “Essential” and one “Non-Essential.” You must be brutally honest with yourself at this point. All items that absolutely must be paid for, like your mortgage or food, can go in the “Essential” column. Everything else that you didn’t absolutely need, like coffee from Starbucks, obviously goes in the “Non-Essential” side.
You may be quite shocked at how much money is frittered away every month. I still need to take the checkbook challenge myself from time to time because it is so easy to become complacent in this area. It’s a few dollars here and a few there, but those seemingly minor expenses can add up to hundreds of dollars every month.
I have known many women over the years who have reluctantly taken on part-time work in the belief that it was necessary to make ends meet. However, after doing the checkbook challenge, most found out that their income was really just going for extras and luxuries rather than true necessities.
When you factor in the costs for transportation, wardrobe, child-care, take-out meals because mom is too tired to cook, and the extra taxes due to being bumped into a higher tax bracket, that “extra” income really amounts to very little after all. This hardly seems worth the stress, guilt, and sacrifice many mothers experience when taking a job outside the home, or a time-consuming in-home occupation.
It is all a matter of choice, to be very honest. Do you want to be home and available to your husband and children with all of your heart? If the answer is yes, then you need to be willing to scale back, economize, and do without.
When Guy and I realized we could no longer afford our ranch house in the suburbs of Southern California on one income, we sold the house and moved to the rural Pacific Northwest. Some might say we “bought down,” but we feel like our quality of life soared.
For the first ten years, we lived in a 60′ X 14′ trailer with a couple of rooms tacked on. We had only one car for a long time. We never went out to dinner and a movie or took vacations. I economized at the grocery store by passing on the pre-made foods like cookies, frozen food, chips, and soda. I learned to make a lot of things from scratch. There was no pizza delivery way out here, so I learned to make homemade pizza. I didn’t even buy paper towels or juice. I used cloth napkins, and we drank water, milk, and herbal teas.
But, I had my beautiful little homestead, my garden, my chickens, and, best of all, the blessed joy of being with my babies 24/7. I was there for every first step, first word, all the scraped elbows and skinned knees. Those are things you can never get back once they have passed. My oldest is now a beautiful 20-year-old woman, and I am grateful to God every day for leading us in His ways. I do not feel like have been deprived in any way.
As I shared in the opening article, I believe when we take the Lord at His Word, we will see that it is His will for wives and mothers to be home-centered. He has designed families to function best under these circumstances. If He has made it plain in His Word that this is His desire for us, will He not also make a way for us to achieve that goal once we have set our hearts upon it? I know for a fact that the answer is an unequivocal YES!
Wealth gotten by vanity shall be diminished: but he that gathereth by labour shall increase.
Proverbs 13:11
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Going Through My Photo Albums… Life is Good!
Today, I decided to go through some of my old photo albums. I did shed a few tears, especially for the ones who have passed away. Life goes so quickly by. I’m sure when God puts us on the new earth with Him, we will be thankful since life there will be far better.
From the time I was young, I loved to teach. When I got home from kindergarten, I would have my sisters sit down and teach them everything I had learned. In the summertime, I would gather all of the neighborhood children and teach them in my “school” or have Vacation Bible School. Here is a group of them with my sisters, of course.
During the Christmas vacation of my freshman year at college, I came home, and the pastor’s wife had invited my family to come to her home for dinner. She wanted to show us her new deck and jacuzzi, so we all went to her backyard to see it. It was very cold out, so after I saw it, I ran back into the house, but I didn’t know the pastor’s wife had shut the sliding glass door. I slammed into it and was thrown onto my back. I broke the bone between my eyes in three places and had to have surgery on it. I believe that this is what caused my brain tumor. Tumors are often the result of trauma. If you go straight back into my head where I broke the bones, lies my pituitary. The tumor grows from a diseased sella where the pituitary gland lives. Moral of the story: make sure you don’t run into a plate glass window running full speed!
My mom loved feeding everyone! In fact, a few of my sisters’ childhood friends told her recently that they wanted to move into our home when they were children. My mom made our home a warm and inviting place to be. She listened to our friends and fed them great food. Many families, even back then, came from broken homes, or their mothers worked full-time outside of the home.
The young women in the picture below were my college friends in my home. Our favorite thing to do was to go to each other’s homes on the weekend and raid the refrigerator! We missed being in a home. I was never a fan of dorm life or the classes, but I loved my friends!
I dated this guy during my sophomore year in college. He pursued me for a while, but I wasn’t interested. Finally, near the end of the year, I became interested in him. In this picture, I had brought him home to meet my parents. He was a great guy and loved the Lord. He asked me to go with him to the year-end dinner. At the end of the year, he told me he wasn’t coming back. He was going to go to college in Colorado, where he lived. I was sad about that. I saw him one time after that at Hume Lake, where he was working. We both liked each other, but it just wasn’t meant to be.
This is Mark. Our families were friends for years. When we both grew up, he decided to date me during the spring of my junior year in college. He was a great guy, too. He loved the Lord and came from a good family. We had fun together, but in the end, we decided we weren’t headed towards marriage. He married a godly woman, had a few children, and was an elder in his church. Thankfully, my heart was never broken by a guy. The only one who could have done that was the one who became my husband.
I’m sure you recognize this guy! We hit it off on our first date in February 1980, and the rest is history! We could tell quickly that we were “molded for each other” as he often told me. I have no regrets! I am thankful the Lord led us to each other, and we are both covenant keepers. We enjoy life so much together these days. He told me recently that my steady, joyful spirit makes it easy for him to live with. I wasn’t always this way, as you all know, but nothing good and lasting is easy, but so worth it!
Well, that’s a bit of my life. It seems that as I grow older, I reminisce about my childhood often. I don’t know why, but it’s fun to do. I have a lot of good memories to remember. I have some hard and painful memories too, but I don’t dwell on them. Since my mom is no longer around, I love thinking about her and what a great mother she was to me. God is good. I love living for Him.
For all flesh is as grass, and all the glory of man as the flower of grass. The grass withereth, and the flower thereof falleth away: But the word of the Lord endureth for ever. And this is the word which by the gospel is preached unto you.
1 Peter 1:24,25
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The TPUSA Women’s Leadership Summit
Last weekend, TPUSA held a Women’s Leadership Summit in San Antonio, Texas. I shared this on X the other day: “TPUSA used to be run by men, mostly Charlie Kirk. Now, it’s run by women. They just had their Women’s Leadership Summit. This isn’t good and not God’s plan for women who claim the name of Christ.” Then, I added a picture of one of the women speaking at this conference.
One woman, who had attended the conference, criticized me for sharing this. I asked her, “Were there older women teaching the women to be keepers at home so they don’t blaspheme His Word (Titus 2:5)? How about being silent in the churches or having meek and quiet spirits? What about being obedient to their husband as Sarah was to Abraham? Dressing modestly?”
She answered: “Older women were teaching the younger women how to keep their home, yes. Do you acknowledge that your initial tweet is false?”
I responded: “There’s a huge difference between women being taught how to keep their home and actually being keepers at home. That’s easy and doesn’t offend anyone. Teaching women to be ‘keepers at home’ offends most, but it’s what God commands older women to teach younger women.”
She told me I shouldn’t offend anyone. I told her truth will always offend most.
Women’s Bible Studies and conferences should be older women teaching the women to be sober, love and obey their husbands, and what this actually looks like, love their children, be chaste (sexually pure), discreet (includes modesty), good (meek and quiet spirits and silent in the churches). Keepers at home, so they don’t blaspheme God’s Word, as God commands older women to do in Titus 2:3-5. Few, if any, Women’s Bible studies or conferences obey God.
Spencer Smith made a video about this conference. What he found about some of these speakers will shock you! He does reference my book “Biblical Womanhood: A Study Guide.” (I guess he didn’t know I had published it already seven years ago!)
One of the women who spoke is a pastor. This is what John MacArthur had to say about this: “Perhaps women pastors and women preachers are the most obvious evidence of churches rebelling against the Bible. I can’t think of anything that’s as far-reaching and transcends all denominations as the woman’s rebellion against the Word of God with regard to women preachers. Women who pastor, women who preach in a church, are a disgrace, and they openly reflect opposition to the clear command of the Word of God. This is flagrant disobedience. It has been acceptable in our culture, and now it is acceptable even in the evangelical world.”
Women standing up on stage and speaking to a stadium full of women is preaching. Even if I were asked to speak at something like this, I wouldn’t go. I don’t want to be associated with female preachers, and God doesn’t call me to do that. He commands me to be a keeper at home, so this is what I am. Technology has made a way for me to be at home and teach biblical womanhood, but I do interact with the women online daily and mentor many. It’s far different than traveling and getting up on a stage to preach. No, thank you.
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My Fishing Hole
There were five different women I was able to speak truth to this week. I love it when God puts women into my life! I took a few of my grandchildren to the park down our street three times this past week, and each time I found a young woman to speak truth to. I guess I will call the park my “fishing hole!”
The first one had two young children and was pregnant with her third. Her husband is in the military, so she is living with her mother-in-law. Her husband is the youngest of eight children, and none of his older siblings are married. Her parents are divorced, so she has no role model of a solid marriage. I told her about my life and marriage, and then encouraged her to be married for life since it’s a commitment. I also encouraged her not to argue with him but to learn to appreciate him instead. She thanked me.
The second woman was a young, beautiful single woman. She is a nanny. She’s 25 years old and wants to experience the “big world.” I explained that her most fertile years are from 18 to 25, and she was created to be a wife, mother, and homemaker. She listened but wasn’t interested. The world was far more interesting to her.
The third woman was another young, beautiful woman who is 22 and wants to be a lawyer. I shared what I shared with the other young women, and she said she would love to be a wife, mother, and homemaker! I told her maybe she’ll meet a husband at law school who will want her to be those things and support her fully. She’s not thrilled about college and a career, but it’s what she’s been told she’s supposed to do. She doesn’t understand what happened to her generation. Few want to get married and have children. It’s a sad situation.
The fourth woman was a 56-year-old gynecologist at my yearly appointment. (I wouldn’t go except I can’t get my hormones unless I do.) She was an OB until she was 46, but said she was constantly in a fight or flight state of mind. Being woken up in the middle of the night from a deep sleep and then having to be fully present just became too much for her. Now, she’s just a gynecologist with normal office hours. Many female doctors quit by 46 because the stress is too much. I don’t blame them. Women were created for the home.
The fifth woman was a 22-year-old woman just out of college. She wants to be a PA, so she’s a nurse now with my gynecologist. The topic of virginity came up when I mentioned I don’t get pap smears because my husband and I were virgins until marriage, and she told me she was never taught about sexual purity, but she’s a Christian now. She has a boyfriend whom she wants to marry. They are waiting for marriage, but it’s difficult. I told her about my book “The Power of the Transformed Wife.” She was interested. I explained about becoming the wife God calls her to be. She was warm and friendly with me, as were the others, except for the one who wasn’t interested in what I said at all, but we’re just responsible for planting seeds. I definitely felt a closeness with this one since we are on the same page, and she’s eager to learn.
We don’t need a pulpit or platform to speak truth to others. We just need to be open and friendly with those we meet while living our normal lives. I have spoken to some in my neighborhood, as I have shared before. Once I have shared the truth with them, I try to remember to pray for them. Once you get started, it becomes enjoyable! I love meeting new people and sharing the truth that I know. Young women desperately need this these days.
The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things. That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Titus 2:3-5
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My Action on Social Media Recently!
This post is for those who don’t read my writings on social media! The comment section is open for those of you who would like to discuss anything. Does anyone even read blogs anymore? I do!
Beth Moore: “You have beaten the drum loudly about what women in SBC churches cannot do. So, what CAN they do? Clarity here is essential. What is a woman to do who has been gifted BY GOD to teach the Bible, especially if her church has moved to the community group model and there is no Sunday school to teach?”
God: “The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.” (Titus 2:3-5)
Women who become doctors and lawyers steal jobs away from men who need them to support their families, and then often these women decide they want to be home with their children. Women are far less reliable in these jobs than men. It’s because they weren’t created for the stress of the workforce.
I would rather be home making bread and cooking healthy meals for my family, teaching my grandchildren about the Lord and His ways, keeping my home clean and tidy, and teaching women the beautiful ways of the Lord than doing anything in the workforce. 🤩
God is a Patriarchal God. But I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. (1 Corinthians 11:13)
This is the dress I wore yesterday to church. I always wear a camisole under it. If you have a dress that’s low in front, I encourage you to wear one too. I was at the bank last week, and one of the tellers bent over in front of me to sign off my check, and I could see it all. I felt sorry for all the men who would see this. Don’t show your breasts to anyone but your husband. Be modest as God commands us to be.
Women who truly love the Lord and His Word are NEVER offended by any of His commands to them, no matter how out-of-date those commands are.
They’re sober. They take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. They are controlled by Truth, not emotions, alcohol, or drugs.
The love, submit to, and reverence their husbands.
They love bearing and raising children.
They dress modestly and are discreet.
They’re sexually pure.
They’re keepers at home.
They’re silent in the churches.
They have meek and quiet spirits.
If God doesn’t want women in authority in the churches because He created Adam first and the woman was deceived (1 Tim 2:11-14), and He created husbands to be head over their wives (Eph 5:23), then why would He want women in authority anywhere else?
Meditating on God’s Word heals your mind.
“For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a *sound mind*.” (2 Tim 1:7)
God promises us a *sound mind*. How are we transformed?
“And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the *renewing of your mind*, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.” (Romans 12:2)
We’re transformed by renewing our *minds* with Truth, God’s Word.
This is why you must let His Word dwell within you richly, and learn to take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.
“Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose *mind* is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.” (Isaiah 26:3)
The battle is in the *mind*.
“Bless you, ladies. We want you soft, emotional, tearful, and sympathetic, but we don’t want you for our judges, president, or for our pastors, because there are things that need to be dealt with in a manly fashion. Right and wrong, not how I feel about it. Good and evil: ‘Shouldn’t we be nice?’ Women will let things go that shouldn’t be let go, because they don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings. This creates an effeminate culture.” (Pastor James Knox)
Many women have written to me asking for advice. They went to college and have a large debt. They married, and their husbands want them to keep working to help pay off the debt. So, instead of being home and having a greater chance of pregnancy (less stress), they must stay in the workforce. Can’t you see what a trap feminism is, women?
We’ve been watching this series. It’s decent: no sex, immodesty, or foul language. It was good until the third season. Then it tanked. The woman engaged to McGregor bought the newspaper, runs a farm, and is the schoolteacher, so she doesn’t want to marry him yet.
Having a career and making money is far more important, even though he is a wealthy cattle rancher. Hollywood invented this message for women a long time ago. Independence and money are more important than building a family. And women believed it. 😞 (Many of the episodes are great! However, you will need to point out the feminism if your children watch with you. It’s on YouTube for free and has many exciting episodes!)
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A Christian Marriage by One of the Greatest Preachers Ever!
Saint John Chrysostom (c. 347–407 AD) was a prominent early Church Father, Archbishop of Constantinople, and one of the greatest preachers in Christian history.
An appreciation of the mutual need that man and wife have for each other can serve to resolve and strengthen love and harmony between spouses. “God divided the activities of our lives into two areas, public and domestic. Wives were entrusted with the household, and men were given civic duties, in commerce, in the courts, in councils, in war, and such things. A wife may not be able to throw spears or shoot arrows, but she can operate a spindle, weave cloth, and successfully engage in similar domestic duties. She cannot give opinions in the councils, yet she can advise at home, and often when the husband suggests something concerning the home, it turns out that the wife’s suggestion is far superior. She cannot manage the state treasury, but she can raise children, notice ill intent of maidservants, keep watch over the honest behavior of servants, freeing the husband from all these troubles, personally taking care of the pantries, the handiwork, the cooking, keeping clothes presentable, and all else which is unworthy of a husband to do, even difficult for him, no matter how many times he undertakes it.
“In other parts of the Old and New Testaments, the husband is given great authority over the wife, for example: ‘thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee” (Genesis 3:16). Paul also makes this distinction: ‘Let every one of you… love his wife…; and the wife see that she reverence her husband’ (Ephesians 5:33); and here nothing more or less is meant than that there be one authority. Why? Because previously he spoke of chastity. In other areas, says Paul, the husband has the prerogative, but not when it concerns chastity.
The husband doesn’t own his own body; the wife does. Here, there is total equality and no prerogative. “Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time” (1 Corinthians 7:5). What does this mean? “Let not a wife decline to fulfill the will of a husband,” he says, “and a husband not decline to fulfill the will of the wife.” Why? Because terrible ills result from this kind of abstinence – adultery, fornication, and destruction of homes.”
The causes that tempt husbands to be unfaithful did not escape the caring eye of Chrysostom. First among them are theaters, in which immoral songs were sung, and seductive shows were put on, often featuring naked women. Chrysostom cautions husbands against such entertainments. Our age also has many similar temptations against the chastity and faithfulness of husbands. Thus, not literally, but in their essence, the condemnations and warnings of St. Chrysostom are relevant to contemporary society.
Because she lives in the quieter environment of home, and because she is meeker and more tender in her essence, the wife has the full opportunity and the essential obligation to calm the husband, harried as he is by the burdens and cares of public life. With her tender involvement in his affairs, she can foster in him a renewed energy to take care of business and a new desire to work. The wife should conduct herself so that the husband sees his home as a safe harbor, a place where he can always find love, peace, calmness, and numerous other joys, so that, having completed his affairs, he hurries home to her, his wife, and does not seek entertainment in other places.
“Nothing can be more injudicious and harmful to the happiness of family life than when a wife meets her husband after his labors and tasks not with love, but rather with capricious wants or reproaches, irritations, discontentment, and even scolding. If this occurs, she has only herself to blame if her husband flees from their house, and her family’s happiness is destroyed. A husband, spending time in commerce or in the courts, is buffeted by worldly concerns, as if by waves. But the wife, staying home, as if in some school of wisdom, and focusing her thoughts deeply within herself, has the opportunity to pray and read and pursue other pious activities.
And just as she can cultivate these virtues in herself, she can also, meeting her care-worn husband, soothe him, comfort him, distract him from crude thoughts that are harmful to the soul, and then release him again into the world rejuvenated with positive thoughts and emotions.”
The wise love for her husband serves as the underpinning of all good qualities of the wife. In illuminating the words of the Apostle, that wives should be modest, clean, tidy, care-takers of the home, and kind, Chrysostom says: “All this creates love. The wife can be kind and attentive in taking care of the household. For modesty is born of love, and love will stop any arguments.
If her husband is a pagan, he will soon believe in the truth (the Christian faith); and if he is a Christian, he will become a better one. If the family life is happily settled, then spiritual life will also become settled, and if not, then the latter will not be sturdy. A wife who is the caretaker of the home will be modest and a good housekeeper. She will not pursue luxuries, imprudent expenses, and such things.”
But, to earn the love of her husband and, through it, obtain moral influence on him, a wife should not only in word, but also in her actions, show that she loves all that is good and just, and should try to be pious. “It is not so much with words,” says St. Chrysostom,” but rather with deeds, that one should improve a husband. How? When he sees that you are serious, not wasteful, indifferent to jewelry, and do not require a large income, but rather take joy in the present, and when you do not ask him for gold, pearls, or expensive clothes, but rather when you will love modesty, chastity, and gentleness, then you can demand the same from your husband. Then will he listen to your advice with patience?
Chrysostom especially disdains extravagance and love of clothes in women, justly seeing in these faults the cause of trouble and discord in many homes. So he explains to the wife: “If you want to please your husband, then you should beautify and adorn your soul, not your body. For it is not gold jewelry that will make you pleasing and appealing, but rather moderation, attentiveness to him, and the willingness to even die for him. This is what conquers husbands most of all, while jewelry pains them, because it brings harm to their bank account, causing great expense and trouble. In this way, family affairs and income are in their best shape when gold is not worn on the body and around the wrists, but rather on necessities, such as keeping servants, educating children, and other needs. If, on the other hand, it flashes before his eyes and tortures his heart, what use is it?”
“The shine of gold cannot entice a sorrowful heart. Know and be sure that though you may be the most beautiful of all women, you will never appeal to him whose soul you distress; for this you need a cheerful and calm spirit. But when all the gold is spent on jewelry for the wife, and this contributes to shortages at home, there is no pleasure for your husband. So, if you want to be loved by your husband, be pleasing to him, which you will do when you stop attaching too much importance to clothes and make-up.
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