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Sweating Bullets While Teaching Submission

Sweating Bullets While Teaching Submission

If you read other biblical marriage blogs, you will see that most of them have warnings all over them about abuse and what submission doesn’t mean. If you notice, my blog doesn’t have this. I have written many posts about submission and never even mentioned the word abuse on most of them. I do this purposefully because abuse and submission don’t go together as many today try to do by twisting and perverting the beauty of submission. (Yes, I have a post on my side bar for those who are in marital crisis but it has nothing whatsoever to do with submission since even wives who aren’t submissive are physically abused.)

David Wegener wrote, “Our pastors preach through books like Ephesians and Colossians and sweat bullets as they approach Ephesians 5:22-24 and Colossians 3:18. And if they do preach on the topic, they talk mostly about what submission does not mean. So the final result is, ‘wives, be nice to your husbands.'” Yep, this is what it has come down to today. Most preachers are afraid to teach what submission is and what it looks like in a marriage. Forget teaching 1 Peter 3:1 about women who are married to disobedient husbands yet are supposed to be living in subjection to them.

I would much rather focus upon what submission is than what it is not because this is what changes marriages for the good. Women don’t need to hear more reasons to disobey their husbands. They need to hear that they are commanded to obey their husbands “Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement” (1 Peter 3:6).

Then forget about hearing about wives submitting to their husbands “in everything” (Ephesians 5:24) without first being taught how loving, kind, and sacrificially husbands should be towards their wives as Christ loved the church. Therefore, wives are the ones who get to decide if they should submit and are even taught that their submission to their husbands is dependent upon their husband’s behavior.

Women say that what I teach is “dangerous.” No, living in rebellion to the Word of God is dangerous; for we reap what we sow. Many today falsely believe that all suffering is evil. No, suffering refines us and makes us like Jesus. Read 1 Peter. We are responsible to follow Jesus and obey Him regardless of the cost to us; for in this there is great reward!

We are responsible for loving our husbands according to God’s definition of love: long-suffering, kind, bearing all things, enduring all things, hoping all things, and believing all thing; for love never fails. It’s obeying Him even when we don’t feel like it. These are hard teachings in today’s feminist “hate the truth” environment in which we live but they hated Christ, so they will hate all those who teach the hard truths of God’s unchanging Word.

His ways are good, women! They reap beautiful fruit. He’s our Creator and He knows what is best for us. Your husband’s eternal soul may be at stake if he is an unbeliever. Live like Jesus in front of him as His power works mightily in and through you. You have nothing to fear because God is fighting this battle for you. He promises to never leave nor forsake you. Learn to be a godly, submissive wife in the good times as well as in the hard times. You will be rewarded for your obedience.

Loving an Addict

Loving an Addict

Some women have extremely difficult marriages. Some of their husbands are drug addicts or addicted to some other harmful substance. Some waste their money on their addictions and keep their families from having all of their bills paid. Some are addicted to porn, alcohol, cigarettes, and any number of things they can get addicted to and it’s hard. Life is hard for these women and their children.

How does a wife in this situation respect her husband with these struggles, and remain submissive and not get resentful during this? Can she even do this or is it impossible? I know some of you have these struggles. I hear from you and I’m sorry. Some have reached out to me asking how they are supposed to be godly, submissive wives. I will try to encourage you the best that I can.

Everyone goes through trials and suffering. No one gets through life without them. God uses sufferings in our lives to refine us and cause us to depend upon Him more. There is no out (divorce) in the Bible for women married to men like this. If they are in danger of their lives for some reason or unable to get the basic necessities of life, then yes, separate as soon as possible and get the authorities, family, friends, and/or church involved, if need be. But know that as long as you are living under the same roof with him, he is being sanctified by your presence. He is seeing Jesus in you and you need to remind yourself that you are fighting for his eternal soul.

Prayer is your greatest tool. Every single morning lay your requests at Jesus’ feet and then leave them there. Be confident that He heard your prayer and is working on your behalf. Ask the Lord daily for wisdom, joy, and strength in this battle. You are going to need it; for you aren’t going to be able to handle it in your own power but with Christ working in and through you, you will.

You must also be consistently in the Word and find wisdom and encouragement there. Let the Word of God dwell in you richly. Grow your roots deeply into Jesus so that you can stand strong through the storms of life. Win your husband without the word by your subjection to him (which will most likely blow him away since he knows he doesn’t deserve it) and your godly behavior (which will come as you sit at the feet of Jesus and learn from Him). Read 1 Peter over and over again until you have practically memorized it.

In 1 Peter 2, servants are told how to deal with mean masters. They are to be subject to them will all fear; “not only to the good and gentle, but also to the froward (mean). For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully…but if, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God” (1 Peter 2:18-20).

Then we are told how Christ suffered for us. “For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps” (1 Peter 2:21). We are actually called to suffer! The very next chapter begins with “likewise” and explains that some wives will suffer under the subjection to a husband who is disobedient to the Word. How is a wife to deal with this? “Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously” (1 Peter 2:23).

Know that Jesus sees your suffering, women. He is right there with you comforting and giving you strength. Trust Him to lead and guide you in all wisdom. Have compassion on your husband because he is in bondage to his sin. Don’t speak evil to or about him but do good instead; for this is heaping burning coals upon his head and you will reap what you sow.

But and if ye suffer for righteousness’ sake, happy are ye: and be not afraid of their terror, neither be troubled.
1 Peter 3:14

***Don’t give up on your husband. If you can, watch Connie Hultquist’s powerful and inspiring story of waiting for a wayward husband for many years through Christ’s power living in and through her. “Each evening when my husband was gone I’d fix supper for him and put his plate at the head of the table. No one was allowed to sit in his chair and no one was allowed to bad mouth him. I ran the house as if he were home.”
— Connie Hultquist

Help Your Husband Be Chaste

Help Your Husband Be Chaste

This post was written by two men who commented on my post Women Withholding Sex From Their Husbands. I believe it’s good to hear how some men struggle who are married to women who routinely deny them sexual intimacy. Please, don’t be one of these wives.

Being a man I will just say that I think this article is very well written AND I will add one big Caveat (especially for women like Brittany who are struggling with a husband who seems disconnected and/or not interested in sex).

CAVEAT:

It’s important to keep in mind that we live in a digital age when and where men can very easily (and literally) take matters into their own hands and turn to pornography and masturbation as a means of satisfying their need. Over time a man can become addicted to pornography and/or masturbation to the point that normal sexual relations with his wife no longer appeals to him the way it did in the beginning. Many men today experience erectile dysfunction (that is more mental than physical) because they have become accustomed to pornography and/or masturbation. I know because it happened to me.

It wasn’t until I quit looking at porn and masturbating that I got back my passion for my wife. Now that I have stopped looking at pornography and stopped masturbating (yes, I am serious) I am dealing with the very problem that this article addresses. I no longer resort to satisfying myself and instead only get relief OCCASIONALLY (sometimes only once a month) when my very distracted wife feels like having sex. That is what led me to this article. I was hoping to find an article that specifically addressed a Christian woman’s responsibility to care for her husband’s sexual drive (which can make it difficult for a man to live a chaste and holy life).

So if you are a Christian woman reading this and you sincerely care about your marriage, please try to help your husband to be chaste by actively seeking to keep him satisfied.

I can tell you from personal experience that it is VERY difficult to remain chaste and faithful when my need is only satisfied once or twice in a month. It was MUCH easier when I was satisfying myself regularly through porn and masturbation (yes, I know that is an oxymoron but at the time I didn’t view porn or masturbation as being unfaithful but now I do).

Now that I have chosen chastity over sin, it is so VERY difficult. I feel constantly in need. My wife has no idea just how difficult it is. How many wives wish they had a chaste husband who NEVER looks at porn or masturbates and just wants to have passionate sex with them every day and night?

I want to be with her constantly and VERY badly but she just isn’t interested. I hope this will be helpful to someone. If your husband isn’t showing an interest, it could simply be that at some point in the past he got tired of not having his sexual needs addressed and took matters into his own hands (literally). If you want to get him back, it will take time and patience and at some point you might even have to openly address whether or not he has turned to taking care of himself and possibly even looking at pornography.

For me, if I wasn’t a devout Catholic I know that I would be handling things for myself on a daily basis but I have come to believe that ANY sex outside of marriage (including sex with myself or my hand) is sinful; it is not what God created me (or my beautiful wife). The ONLY sex that is right before God is sex with my wife. One man and one woman.

I hope and pray that someday she sees an article like this and realizes what I am going through. Until then I will feel this intense need that nags at me constantly, every minute of every day. The enemy knows that I have chosen love for Jesus and my wife over satisfying my flesh and so many temptations come my way but I love Jesus and my wife and kids and will continue this struggle in faith. Hopefully this helps someone.

God Bless.

This comment is from Tiny Tim:

Thank you for this article. As a Christian man married to a Christian wife for whom sex is not important to her, I can speak from experience that you are 100% correct in how you express the effects of a sexless, Christian marriage on the husband. A “good year” for us is only two to three times a year, always at her convenience. I do a mountain of chores around the house and have tried to be a better husband to her in all ways I think of (including the many “list” articles on websites about all the ways men need to act differently), but to no avail.

To make matters worse, I have yet to hear any teaching in the church that puts any responsibility on the wife. We brow beat the husbands to death, with lessons and dire warnings on not straying, not looking at another woman, etc. And that’s great and Biblical, but that’s where it stops. No teaching for the wives on why abandoning the husband is not acceptable. What is a Christian husband to do when the only person that I can look at/enjoy without stepping outside God’s loving boundaries wants nothing to do with me in this regard? I’m starving, and suffering all of the emotional hardships you write about. To be fair, she shows her love in many other wonderful ways, and I appreciate them fully (and tell her so).

Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
1 Corinthians 7:5

Marriage Keeps Families From Poverty

Marriage Keeps Families From Poverty

The joke is on feminism. We’ve been brainwashed to believe that women NEED higher education even if it means going deeply into debt. They NEED careers for all of the “what ifs…?” So now that many women have received higher education and careers, how is the state of our country? Is there far less poverty due to feminism’s influence upon women? NO! Everything feminism has taught is a big, fat lie!

In an article written by Glenn Stanton in The Federalist, Mr. Stanton wrote,

“Professor Bill Galston, President Clinton’s domestic policy advisor and now a senior fellow at Brookings, explained in the early 1990s that an American need only do three things to avoid living in poverty: graduate from high school, marry before having a child, and have that child after age twenty. Only 8 percent of people who do so, he reported, will be poor, while 79 percent who fail to do all three will. Sociologists have referred to keeping these things in proper order as the ‘success sequence.'”

Imagine that! The best chance people have of avoiding living in poverty is by graduating from high school, getting married, and having children, according to the latest research! Therefore, women don’t NEED to be taught to pursue debt-producing educations and careers, if it’s not what they want. Christian women need to learn to have meek and quiet spirits, be chaste, discreet, sober, good, and learn to be good homemakers. This will make their chances of getting married and having children much higher since most men are attracted to these types of women than they are to feminists. Women of godly character build up society, whereas feminism has degraded society.

“A consistent and irrefutable mountain of research has shown, reaching back to the 1970s and beyond, that marriage strongly boosts every important measure of well-being for children, women, and men. Pick any measure you can imagine: overall physical and mental health, income, savings, employment, educational success, general life contentment and happiness, sexual satisfaction, even recovery from serious disease, healthy diet and exercise. Married people rate markedly and consistently better in each of these, and so many more, compared to their single, divorced, and cohabiting peers. Thus, marriage is an essential active ingredient in improving one’s overall life prospects, regardless of class, race, or educational status.”

Should any of this surprise us? God created marriage and He called it good. He created Eve to be Adam’s help meet. Men need a help meet. They don’t want a competitor; they want a wife. The best wife is one who takes good care of her husband, children, and home. No, higher education degree or career makes women better at any of these. God’s recipe for younger women is to “I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully” (1 Timothy 5:14) so we shouldn’t be surprised that this is the healthiest way to live in every single aspect of life!

Marriage generates wealth largely because marriage molds men into producers, providers, and savers. Singleness and cohabiting don’t. Nobel-winning economist George Akerlof, in a prominent lecture more than a decade ago, explained the pro-social and market influence of marriage upon men and fathers: ‘Married men are more attached to the labor force, they have less substance abuse, they commit less crime, are less likely to become the victims of crime, have better health, and are less accident prone.’”

Dennis Prager has frequently said on his radio program that the quickest way to mature men is for them to get married and have children. If they are married to a godly, submissive wife, the chances for them to become great men is even much greater since women are huge influences on men for good or bad; Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands (Proverbs 14:1).

“Working for healthy, well-formed, enduring marriages is one of the most effective ways we can do the work of social justice. That the effort is not hip and trendy has no bearing on its ability to change lives for the better. Decades of research and the lives of real people make the case over and again every day, for good or for bad. Let’s resolve as a nation to choose and work for the good and halt the ever widening chasm of class.”

I have noticed that many Christians these days have a big concern for “social justice.” If social justice means how many define it, it is wrong since it leads to socialism and communism and is accomplished through the government’s redistribution of wealth. This has failed every place it has been tried since it discourages hard work but it’s being taught in the universities so the younger generations are falling for it hook, line, and sinker. There is no wisdom being taught there.

If social justice means individuals helping the poor and needy and speaking out against abortion and other evils, then it is good since this is what Christians are called to do but the greatest social problem our country currently is experiencing is from the breakdown of the family.

When families are healthy and intact, cultures are strong since families are the building blocks of cultures. Feminism has broken down these blocks and unless the family becomes healthier, our nations chance of recovery is slim. As they have thrown Christ and His ways out of everything, everything begins to crumble.

Wives Submit…as it is Fit in the Lord

Wives Submit…as it is Fit in the Lord

In Colossians 3, Paul is clearly explaining to us how we should live our lives as believers in Jesus Christ. This is a wonderful chapter and worthy of study. He encourages us to seek those things above, get rid of all sin in our lives, be loving and kind to others, and let the Word of Christ dwell in us richly. Then he wrote, “And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by Him” (Colossians 3:16).

Right after this verse, he wrote, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord” (Colossians 3:17). Wait a minute! There’s no verse above this one about being subject one to another and no verse below it that tells husbands to submit to their wives. How could this be? Doesn’t the Bible teach “mutual submission”? Aren’t husbands supposed to submit to their wives, too? NO! Husbands are NEVER commanded to submit to their wives.

Now that it’s very clear to all of us that wives are to submit to their husband and this mutual submission in marriage isn’t biblical, what does it mean that wives are to submit “as it is fit in the Lord”?

…in the Lord— In obedience to the Lord, and in all lawful things” (Benson Commentary). Yes, some have tried to convince us that wives should submit to their husbands in everything, even if this includes blatant sin against the Lord. No, a wife should never submit if a husband asks her to do something that is evil or harmful. Other than this, I firmly believe that it is the husband who has the authority to lead his wife since he is God’s designated head over her.

What about a wife’s convictions concerning modesty, being a keeper at home and not having a career, watching a movie that she finds inappropriate, and homeschooling her children even when her husband doesn’t want her to do this? What if the husband believes her modesty standards are too strict? What if he wants her to work outside of the home, watch a few movies that have some questionable elements in it, and send her children to public schools? Should she stand her ground and do as she is led? NO!

God gives a wife in this situation clear instructions. Likewise, ye wives, be in SUBJECTION to your own husband; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives (1 Peter 3:1). Subjection means “the state of being under the power, control, and government of another.”

So what if a husband asks a wife to dress not quite so immodestly? She needs to dress as modestly as she can within what her husband wants but continue to live in subjection to him with godly behavior. What if he wants her to work outside of the home? She needs to work outside of the home and pray the Lord will convict her husband by allowing her to come home but in the meantime, she needs to go about winning him without a word. What if he wants her to watch a questionable movie? One godly friend of mine has a husband who wants her to snuggle with her and watch some of these types of movies. She closes her eyes during those parts and prays for her husband. What about sending the children to public schools? She sends them to public schools without fighting him but living in subjection to his leadership and gives it all to the Lord in prayer.

Subjection of wives to their own husbands is ‘fit’ and proper in its own nature, by reason of the original creation of man, and of the woman from him: man was made first, and then the woman; and the woman was made out of the man, out of one of his ribs; and so, though not to be trampled under his feet, but to be by his side, and an help meet to him, yet not to be head, or to rule over him.

Moreover, the woman was made for the man, and not the man for the woman; add to this, that the woman was in the transgression, and the means of the fall of man, which gave a fresh reason for, and made the obligation to subjection to him the stronger: and it is also a ‘decent’ and becoming thing for wives to be subject to their husbands; for as it is giving honour to them, it is a real ornament to themselves, and is one of those good works which women professing godliness should adorn themselves with; and makes more comely and beautiful than broidered hair; gold, pearls, or costly array, yea, than their natural favor and beauty: it is what is fitting ‘in the Lord.’

It is what he requires, not only what the law of God requires, see 1 Corinthians 14:34 and which was enjoined originally, see Genesis 3:16 and was charged as a duty under the legal dispensation; but is what is commanded by Christ under the Gospel dispensation, and is to be observed by all those that are ‘in’ him, that profess to be new creatures, converted persons, that so the word of God be not blasphemed, and the enemy have no occasion to reproach, see Titus 2:5 though this phrase may also be considered as a restriction and limitation of this subjection; that though it reaches to all things, yet only to such as are agreeable to the will of the Lord, and not contrary to the Gospel of Christ; for in these they are not to be subject to them, but to Christ the Lord; but in all other things they are, even as the church is subject to Christ: and when this is the case, such subjection is regarded by Christ as if it was done to himself; and indeed his honour and glory should be the governing view in it; see Ephesians 5:22” (Gill’s Exposition).

As godly women who are in Christ, these are our instructions. We are to submit to our husbands in everything unless they are clearly in violation of God’s Word and not simply our own convictions. Yes, some women try to pull small passages from the Old Testament to form their modesty standards but if God wanted clear modesty standards for the Church, His bride, He would have had the Apostle Paul or one of the other New Testament writers clearly state them.

Many women, me included, can easily make a case from scripture that God wants younger women to be keepers at home, raise our children in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord (not public schooling), and not watch any movies with any type of ungodliness in them but for a woman who is married to an unbeliever or a husband who is disobedient to the Lord, she has little hope of winning her husband to the Lord if she is continually fighting his leadership and demanding her own way based upon her convictions and the Word.

I believe this is why God specifically calls her to live in subjection to him in order to win him “without the word” (not constantly sharing her convictions or the Word with him) unless he asks her to do something evil or harmful to herself of her children. I believe this is why God used Sarah as our example in 1 Peter 3:6 of obedience to her husband. Abraham clearly asked her to do something that was against God’s clearly stated Word (tell a lie) and we are called to live in subjection to our husbands, too, and not to be “afraid with any amazement” but to trust in the Lord and His protection.

Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
1 Peter 3:6

***Picture by Daniel Gerhartz

Why are so Many Women Divorcing Their Husbands?

Why are so Many Women Divorcing Their Husbands?

Yes, more women are divorcing their husbands today than men divorcing their wives. Statistics show that women are 70 – 80% more likely to divorce their husbands. I searched the Internet for reasons and was given many but I will focus upon one in particular called 6 Reasons Women Leave Their Marriages, According to Marriage Therapists. (When skimming through some articles written on this topic, there were numerous reasons given but this article seemed to sum them all up well. The points the article made are in bold and I give my thoughts for those who may have the same complaints about their husband.)

The wives feel taken for granted and overly responsible for the relationship. Many women come into marriages expecting their husbands to be Prince Charming to them who continues to romance them. They aren’t taught to accept their husbands just the way they are, take their eyes off of their supposed needs, learn to serve joyfully, and do whatever they can to make their marriages strong. They must remember that they are the ones who were created to be their husband’s help meets, not the other way around.

They keep having the same argument with their partner. This is an easy solution – stop arguing! The husband is the head over his wife and she is to live in submission to his leadership. The Bible compares a quarreling wife with a continual dripping, rottenness in his bones, foolish, and it’s better for a husband to live on a rooftop than with a quarreling wife. Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement (1 Peter 3:6). If we truly believe and love the Word of God, then we will treat our husbands as our “earthly lords” as God created them to be and would never dream of arguing with them!

They’re not satisfied with their sex lives. This isn’t a reason to divorce a husband! We must not look at Hollywood or Fifty Shades to measure sexual satisfaction. It’s way more important to the Lord that we please our husbands sexually, treat them with respect, and live in submission to them. When a wife is kind, loving, warm, and affectionate to her husband, most men will do anything they can to make a wife like this happy; for we are promised that we will reap what we sow. Besides, most of sexual pleasure comes from the mind and the good and loving thoughts that a woman sows in her mind towards her husband during the day, the better her sex life will most likely be.

They don’t talk and emotionally connect with their husbands like they used to. Men aren’t women. They aren’t emotionally connected as women. Most men don’t talk as much as women. If you’ve married a man, expect him to act like a man and not a woman. Besides, there’s nothing about “emotionally connecting” in the Bible that states this is a requirement for a good marriage.

They’ve outgrown their partners. What does this mean? They are better than their husbands? They know more than their husbands? This is an excuse to divorce the husband of their youth? They have fallen for the lie that there is something better “out there” wherever out there is. I can tell you from watching my parents being married for many years and Ken and me being married for almost 37 years, there’s nothing better than growing old with one man, the man of our youth.

They get to the point that divorce is the only way to put themselves first again. “Often, longstanding issues like addiction or uncontrolled anger will simply push women over the edge.”  Unfortunately, addictions and uncontrolled anger are common today in our culture and much of it is due to children not being raised and nurtured by their mothers full time and having a mother and father in the home. Many children today are coming from divorced families and divorce causes anger and emptiness in the children’s lives. Addictions are a way to escape reality and porn, drug, and alcohol addictions are rampant. Women have their addictions and anger problems, too, for all of the same reason. The answer isn’t giving the children the same broken life that the parents had. The answer is stopping the crazy cycle and remaining committed for life even during the bad times. You know, “for better or for worse.” Just because marriage gets hard doesn’t mean we are to bail out. This is pure selfishness. Women will never find happiness by putting themselves first since the greatest of all is the servant of all. The more we learn to forget about ourselves and care for others, the more fulfilled we will become. It’s the way God created us to be! (Read this if your husband is a very angry man.)

Love is a choice, women. Love isn’t a feeling or emotion. Love is a choice to be selfless, serving, forgiving, generous, sacrificing, and loving unconditionally. God commands two things from us: that we believe on the name of His Son Jesus Christ and love one another (1 John 3:23). We are commanded to love our husband and even reverence him. Our  love, submission, honor, and respect towards him will have a much better chance of changing our husband into the man that God wants him to be than anything else we can do.

What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Mark 10:9

Our Obedience Never Depends on His Obedience

Our Obedience Never Depends on His Obedience

There is a false and destructive teaching about submission that is prevalent in our day and age as this one woman stated: “Women do not want to submit because they don’t feel safe and they don’t feel that they can depend on the man. If men want women to submit, they need to make her feel safe (physically and emotionally) and they also need to be dependable in areas such as family income and finances. When these happen, a woman will naturally.”

Our obedience NEVER depends upon someone else obeying the Lord. Never. As Theresa responded to this woman’s comment: “A woman should submit to her husband because she loves God and is obeying Him and not live in disobedience to the word of God until she thinks her husband meets her requirements. Oh how I wish people could see and understand the beauty of submission in faith and obedience to God!”

Then KB responded: “‘When these happen, a woman will naturally submit to her husband.’ There is simply no evidence or basis to this statement. Should men also love their wives ONLY if they meet certain criteria? Point is, love and submission to our spouses are both done because of obedience to God’s word – and not because the other party deserves it, or does something to ‘earn’ it.”

Ken has mentored men who have rebellious wives and he teaches them to only act in a Christian way towards their wives. We have yet to see one of these women submit or begin to be kind to their hard-working, kind husbands. Unless a woman decides to soften her heart and become the wife the Lord has called her to become, there isn’t much a husband can do about it. A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike. Whosoever hideth her hideth the wind, and the ointment of his right hand, which bewrayeth itself” (Proverbs 27:15, 16). What does the second part of this verse mean? 

 “Whoever attempts to stop her brawls and contentions, to repress and restrain them, and hinder her voice being heard in the streets, and endeavours to hide the shame that comes upon herself and family, attempts a thing as impossible as to hide the wind in the palm of a man’s hand, or to stop it from blowing…all attempts to stop the mouth of a brawling woman does but cause her to brawl the louder” (Gill’s Exposition).

“If he tries to hold or stop his wife, she escapes him like the oil which you try in vain to keep in your hand…An old adage says that there are three things which cannot be hidden, but always betray themselves, viz. a woman, the wind, and ointment” (Pulpit Commentary).

It’s impossible to stop a woman who decides to be contentious (given to angry debate; quarrelsome, perverse) no matter how badly she is destroying her family. Yes, there are many women who are choosing to live in rebellion to God’s plan for them and will often use the excuse that their husbands aren’t loving them as Christ loved the Church.

Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands (Proverbs 14:1) If you want to be a wise woman, obey the Lord and begin living in submission to your husband’s leadership. Don’t wait until he’s the perfect husband that you believe he should be; for you will one day stand in the presence of the Lord to give an account for how you lived your life, not how your husband lived his.

He Hearkened to the Voice of His Wife

He Hearkened to the Voice of His Wife

There are two very famous men who hearkened to the voice of their wives and caused much devastation as a result. The first man was Adam who listened to his wife and ate of the forbidden fruit. When God found Adam, He said to him, “Because thou hast hearkened unto the voice of thy wife, and hast eaten of the tree…” (Genesis 3:17) and then God gave the consequences of listening to his wife. Thus, the world was cast into sin.

The other famous man was Abraham who knew that God told him he would be a father of many nations yet had no child so Sarah suggested he sleep with the maid to have a child. “And Abram hearkened to the voice of Sarah” (Genesis 16:2) and did what she suggested which became part of the lineage of those who fight against God’s chosen people, Israel.

Often when I teach about women being submissive to their husbands and obeying them “as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord…” (1 Peter 3:6), they want to find wiggle room in this by saying that they have a right to state their thoughts and opinions. “‘Without the word’ doesn’t mean we can’t say anything!” I believe God’s intention for us as wives is to obey with gentle, quiet, and submissive spirits as unto the Lord. I believe this is His perfect will for us.

Does this mean we can’t give our thoughts and suggestions? No, but if we are continually questioning, arguing, and giving alternatives or wanting our way, we are in sin. This isn’t how God wants us to live in submission to our husbands. If we want to give our thoughts or suggestions, we must be careful when doing this, making sure it’s wise advice and not just what we want, and don’t do it often. We don’t ever want our husband to be rebuked by the Lord for “hearkening to the voice of his wife.”

Men typically want to please their wives and will do whatever it takes to make peace. But God made it clear that we are to have “quiet” spirits which means we are at peace, not wanting our way, and are willing to follow our husband’s lead and choices. As John Piper preached, “This is how the holy women of old used to adorn themselves by submitting to their husbands. The deepest root of womanhood is hope in God. That’s where we start defining Christian womanhood – hope in God. 

A Christian woman does not put her hope in her husband or in getting one. A Christian woman doesn’t put her hopes in her looks. Remember my favorite verse in the Proverbs 31 woman? ‘Strength and dignity are her clothing and she laughs at the time to come.’ ‘Everything that’s coming at me, I’m laughing!’ She doesn’t cringe. She doesn’t run. She’s not naive about what’s coming and she laughs because holy women of God hope in a Sovereign God who promises to help women whenever she needs Him.”

If we trust God Almighty and His will for us, we will trust our husband’s leadership instead of always having to give our input. God is wiser than us and maybe, just maybe our husbands will make great leaders if we let them and stop fighting them.

Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
1 Peter 3:6

The Devastation of Premarital Sex

The Devastation of Premarital Sex

Asked by The New York Times in 1992 of what he was proudest, Hefner responded: “That I changed attitudes toward sex. That nice people can live together now. That I decontaminated the notion of premarital sex. That gives me great satisfaction.”

Hugh Hefner had a hardened heart to the truth of God’s Word. What has been the result of premarital sex and living together? Has one thing good come from it or does our Creator know that fornication is wrong and it hurts us? Who do you trust: God or Hugh Hefner? If you trust Hugh Hefner and have no problem with premarital sex, your chances of disease, lovelessness, abortion, divorce, and even poverty go way up. These sure don’t sound worth it to me.

Instead, if you choose to follow God’s will and wait until marriage, you will not acquire sexual diseases, your marriage will most likely be much stronger and loving, and your chance of poverty goes way down according to George Will in his article Listen up, millennials. There’s sequence to success“First get at least a high school diploma, then get a job, then get married, and only then have children. Wang and Wilcox, focusing on millennials ages 28 to 34, the oldest members of the nation’s largest generation, have found that only 3 percent who follow this sequence are poor.”

Daily I receive many lewd and cruel comments from those who have hardened hearts and hate the Lord and His ways. I have been reading through the book of Mark and have noticed that Jesus spoke about people who witnessed Him raise people from the dead and heal others from diseases yet continue to have hardened hearts. Even in Revelation during the Tribulation when horrible things are happening on earth, angels are sent to preach the gospel yet the people keep hardening their hearts.

But truth never comes back void for those whose hearts soften as some women in the chat room* shared yesterday. Some found me when my post went viral in the past. Molly wrote: “Shamefully, I was a woman who once scoffed at the idea of submission and had no idea why it was written in the Bible. I just ignored that part. 🙁 The only thing that made me willing to listen was Lori. I don’t know why I kept reading her blog even when I disagreed (not that I wrote that on her blog!). When she wrote that we are to have soft, teachable hearts, some hardness inside me broke. She drew me to Christ and to my role as a wife when I used to be so angry and driven to succeed in worldly terms. I was hell on wheels to those around me at times.”

Jessica wrote right under Molly: “I followed for a while silently, and Lori softened my heart. She’s the motherly figure I always needed in my life. A woman who teaches me how to be a woman that is joyful and kind. She alone walked me right into God’s words. I have never known such peace.”

Our ways will never be better than God’s ways. Hugh Hefner most undoubtedly died a lonely, troubled man unless he repented and believed in Jesus Christ on his death bed. Eternity in the lake of fire is a long time to suffer for having hardened hearts to the truth. Thankfully, there will always be a remnant who hear the truth, the seeds begin to sprout, and take root! They begin to love the Lord and His ways and walk in them. They have tasted and seen that the Lord is good.

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
John 14:27

*The chat room is only for those women who have soft, teachable hearts to the ways of the Lord and want to learn about godly womanhood. In order to join, you must ask to join, then fill out an application and even allow a moderator to friend you to see your Facebook page.

Women Obey Their Lying Emotions

Women Obey Their Lying Emotions

Dennis Prager states on his radio program frequently that men’s battle is with their sexual nature and women’s battle is with their emotional nature and I believe their desire to control. Douglas Wilson has written an absolutely brilliant piece about this titled Miserable Wives. I was once a miserable wife. I allowed my emotions and feelings to be the authority in my life instead of my husband and I see many women destroying their marriages doing the same thing.

Women are 70% more likely to divorce their husbands than husbands divorcing their wives. Their husbands aren’t meeting up to the expectations they have created and these false expectations are tearing apart their families. Many women don’t believe they need men in their lives anymore and can do it on their own but sadly, they find out quickly that it’s not that easy. Douglas Wilson wrote this article about an entirely fictitious person but I can tell you that it fits me almost to a tee and I am sure it does many of you as well.

“You say that you know Jon loves you, but then you say in the next breath that you feel unloved. And in every battle between your knowledge and your feelings, which one wins? You take the word of your lying feelings over the word of your accurate assessment, over against your knowledge. Your feelings are your authority, even when you know they are being deceitful. Worse yet, Jon takes them as authoritative as well.”

From the day Ken married me, I knew he loved me but he didn’t show it to me in the way I wanted him to show it. Therefore, I would be continually upset with him when he wasn’t acting like I wanted him to act and I wasn’t getting my way. These feelings would swirl in my mind until I made a mountain out of a molehill and spewed my irrational contempt towards him in a fit of anger. Then I would give him the silent treatment until he apologized appropriately. I was allowing my lying emotions to destroy our relationship.

Ken tried to speak truth into my life but for some reason I was deaf to what he said. He would say the same things over and over again but my emotions and feelings blinded me to my sin so we would continually argue about them. He was a good man. He worked hard. He was faithful to me. He deeply loved his children and was very involved in their lives but I all I could see were his faults and my emotional lies.

“But not only is he up against you—and you are, remember, kind of a force of nature—he is also up against the entire secular world and most of the Christian world. He is up against all your marriage counselors to date. He is up against the medical profession, including your doctor who prescribed your anti-depressants. In short, he is pretty close to being the soldier trying to explain to his drill sergeant how it is actually the rest of the army that is out of step. He is in a difficult place.”

No one spoke truth into my life other than Ken but he was “just” my husband and he didn’t understand how I “felt” because he wasn’t a woman. Yes, we went to counseling and they usually looked at Ken and told him to love me more or tried to figure out my childhood interferences. He sought out older and wiser men’s advice and they told him to love me more so he tried but it never worked because he always fell short of the expectations I placed upon him.

This is why I believe God has commanded older women to teach the younger women to love and obey their husbands (Titus 2:4, 5), not counselors and psychologists. Older women understand the struggles younger women have with their emotions and desire to control and can tell them plainly what God commands them to do instead.

“Now here is what you can do, and I am afraid it is an unpleasant prescription. You can submit to your husband, entirely and with a whole heart. You can determine that you are going to follow and obey him. He is good man. He is not going to take advantage of you. He is no jerk. His one great failing is not one that places him anywhere in the neighborhood of being an abuser. On top of this, your deliberate withholding of a submissive spirit is why things can never be smooth between you.”

After I read Debi Pearl’s book Created to Be His Helpmeet and I was no longer blinded to my sin in our marriage mess, I knew that I had to learn to become a submissive wife who reverenced my husband. The first thing I did was apologize to him for my behavior and allowing my emotions and feelings to hurt our marriage so badly. I had to begin treating him with kindness and warmth. I had to learn to trust him because he was trustworthy. He was my head; the head that the Lord had given me and I chose to marry. My unsubmissive and rebellious spirit had caused havoc on our marriage for way too many years so I had to give it up and obey God.

“And so what I am building up to is the fact that you need to stop listening to your own heart, and start listening to your husband. Whatever doubts you have about him as a husband, he will treat you ten times better than your emotions treat you. You need to break up with your emotions. Talk about an abusive relationship.

You need to go to Jon and seek his forgiveness for being so disrespectful of his efforts, apologize heartily, and tell him that you have resolved before God to obey him in everything. Ask him to help you to do that. I am quite aware that giving this kind of counsel is probably illegal in all fifty states, so I would be obliged if you didn’t post this on the Internet. I have enough troubles.”

If you aren’t taking your thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ and renewing your mind with God’s truth, you are allowing the lies of our culture and your own emotional nature to control your behavior. Instead of doing this any longer, determine to begin obeying your husband even when you don’t feel like it. We don’t obey God just when we feel like it but because it is right. Yes, I asked Ken to help me learn to respect him, not argue with him anymore, and submit to his leadership. I not only didn’t hide this, I wrote a book about it (that all those who hate truth and God’s ways love to speak evil about and slander me but it’s to be expected so I rejoice!).

“Men and women are God’s invention. He designed us, and He designed us to function in a particular way. When we abandon that way, we lose our way, we lose our grip. Deserting our assigned sex roles is like painters abandoning paint, brushes, canvas, and going in big for conceptual art. The results just get increasingly silly and incoherent. The greatest accomplishment of feminism as such conceptual art is to make women miserable. Many of them have figured out that the promise ‘you can have it all’ is a lie, and have blamed feminism for lying to them, and have turned away from feminism. Other women, including many Christians, and I would place you in this category, have blamed their husbands for feminism’s failures.”

Begin obeying God by obeying your husband. Make your husband your authority instead of your lying emotions. You will one day find that you are no longer a miserable wife but one that enjoys being married to the man you chose as your husband until death do you part. Let this be no longer be said about you: 

For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.
2 Timothy 3:6, 7