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Were Old-Fashioned Women Happier?

Were Old-Fashioned Women Happier?

There is an interesting article in the Daily Mail about a woman who just turned 60 years old and compared herself to her mother back when she turned 60 years old. This woman, Liz Jones, is beautiful and puts me to shame (since I just turned 60 years old) if we were measuring only by appearance. She is in perfect shape and looks amazing for her age but at what cost? (She has spent a TON of money on herself to look this way!)

Dr. John MacArthur defines women like her perfectly. (Yes, this was written in 1996 but is still relevant for today.)

“What kind of woman is the prototype of the ‘90s woman?  What is the modern super-woman supposed to be?  Maybe something like this: she works, builds her own career, demands equal pay, refuses to submit to her husband, demanding equality with him in everything, has an affair or two, and a divorce or two.  She exercises her independence, relies on her own resources, doesn’t want her husband or children to threaten her personal goals, has her own bank account.

“She hires a maid or a cleaning service, eats out at least 50 percent of the time with her family or without them, makes cold cereal and coffee, the standard breakfast for her family, quick frozen meals usual dinner fare, or she calls Domino’s Pizza, expects her husband to do his share of the housework. She is tanned, coiffured, aerobicized, into body-building shape, shops to keep up with the fashion trends, makes sure she can compete in the attention-getting contest, puts the kids in a day care center, makes sure each has a TV in his room, or a radio, or a CD player so they can be entertained. She is opinionated, demanding, wants to be heard, eager to fulfill all of her personal goals.”

This is how Liz Jones admits to living her life except she never had children as many are choosing to do today in the 21st century. She followed the feminist mindset and did life her own way. Her mother, on the other hand, was an old-fashioned wife and mother.

“She would no more have worn a swimsuit, or put on sun cream, than fly to the moon. Having had seven children, she had no desire to look young or thin. In this photo, she already had a full set of false teeth and grey hair. Normally, she wore glasses.

“My mum was born on December 23, 1919, and in the photo she is 60. She has shortish grey hair that has never been dyed. She is wearing a touch of red lipstick, and a smudge of mascara from an ancient block she had to spit on. She is wearing a home-made shift, and her head is tilted towards the sun – it would never occur to her to hide from it.

“Her toenails are not polished; she couldn’t reach her feet by this stage, as she suffered from arthritis. My dad had to help with the stockings, and place a built-up shoe on each foot. You can’t tell from the photo she had already had a hip and a knee replaced. She was in constant, excruciating pain. And yet she is smiling.

“My mum had never heard of grooming, except when it applied to horses: her beauty routine extended to using Pond’s cold cream and letting any make-up ‘wear off’. She had never had a massage. She owned one handbag, one pair of shoes. She never drank water, still or fizzy, but subsisted on tea and Rich Tea biscuits…Having endured rationing, she certainly never dieted. She never owned a pair of trainers, a tracksuit, or jeans.

“I had always imagined that, turning 60, I would suddenly look like my mum, which terrified me. Now I’ve arrived, I realize what should have worried me was not turning out like her – loved, happy, content – at all… I know I will continue to battle to keep the years at bay. Why? Because I’m not where I should be: I’m single, not secure, not loved. I can’t relax. I have to keep trying.

“Passing 40, I panicked, lied about my age again, and hurriedly married a younger man who cheated on me. When I told my mum what he’d done, all she would say was: ‘Just be patient, darling.’ It wouldn’t have occurred to her not to forgive, not to expect a man to provide, to chauffeur her everywhere, to map-read, to book hotels and holidays, to nurse her when she could no longer walk.

“When, coming round from the breast surgery, I phoned my husband, he replied with a distracted: ‘Who’s this?’ It’s not just women who’ve changed; men have changed with us. As we’ve demanded less they’ve given up, retreated.” (I disagree with her here. Liz’s mom probably didn’t demand anything of her husband. She was reaping what she was sowing. She served him. He served her. This is an eternal principle.)

“It had seemed a good idea at the time, being so very different from my mum, rebelling against her lack of vanity, ambition, selfishness…My mum was content with her lot, she lived in the moment, she didn’t put off life, thinking: ‘As soon as I’m eight stone… As soon as I’ve bought that new house…’

“My overriding feeling, as the Big Day came and went last week, was that my generation of women was sold a lie. We were told our mothers’ lives were disgracefully submissive. We were told we must battle our bodies into submission, land a career in order to hold all the power.”

There is only one reason that Liz’s mom lived a much more satisfying and fulfilling life than Liz did. Her mother lived a selfless life and Liz has lived a selfish life. May we all become more like Liz’s mom and less like Liz by learning to live a selfless, self-sacrificing, and self-denying life. In giving our lives away, we will find the life that Christ tells us to pursue, to be like Him, because the servant of all is the greatest of all!

 For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?
Mark 8:36

Women’s Trajectory Toward Worldly Success Rather Than Being a Wife and Mother

Women’s Trajectory Toward Worldly Success Rather Than Being a Wife and Mother

Ever since I was a young girl, all I ever wanted to be was a wife and mother. Having a career held no appeal to me. I wanted to find a husband so I worked towards finding one! I even pursued guys I found attractive during high school and college. No, I didn’t call them or ask them out on dates. I let them know I was interested by going out of my way to be kind to them and hoped they noticed me. Some did and some didn’t, but I knew I was going to do everything in my power to attract a husband since this was my greatest desire in life and pray a lot in the meantime.

A Christian mother wrote and said that one of her daughters fears getting married and having children. Her daughter wants to become a nurse or doctor and the parents are encouraging her in this direction. Sadly, this daughter has been influenced by the feminist culture we live in. What is there to fear in being married and having children? This is God’s will for most young women.

In Lisa Anderson’s book, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan For Pursuing Marriage with a Purpose, Lisa wrote the following:

“Sadly, as I immersed myself in girl power at school, I received little at church and beyond to counter it. Most of the well-meaning couples in my parent’s circle saw no reason to question my trajectory toward worldly success; many of them outright supported it. I was told… to focus on my education and career. Here are a few of the mantras I commonly received–see if any of them sound familiar:

‘Make sure you can support yourself; it’s a tough world out there!’

‘You’re so smart; you don’t want to waste your intelligence [implied: by getting married too soon].’

‘We’re expecting big things from you.’

‘You have your whole life ahead of you–have fun while you can!’

‘Relax; marriage will happen when it happens.’

‘I wish I’d had all the opportunities you have.’

“…my mom finished college, but marriage was a next step. It was always a priority. It was talked about, planned for, and expected. She didn’t mess around when she spotted my dad; she got busy.

Lisa, who is still single at 46 years old, was asked what she would tell her 28 year old self about dating which I believe should have been told to her 18 year old self:

“I’d say, ‘Dating takes effort for both men and women.’ Dating was hardly on my radar in my 20s. I was too busy chasing a career and thinking I was too awesome to need a man. I didn’t make the effort to get to know men. I don’t remember ever saying I wanted to be married. I turned dates down because I found some miniscule flaw in the guys in question. And then I wondered why I was still single at 30. God puts people in our path for a reason. Many of them are probably good marriage candidates. But when we give all our attention elsewhere, we cheat ourselves out of a healthy pursuit of what is for most of us a God-given life goal. Marriage is a good thing, and biblical, intentional dating is a great way to get there. But it takes work. And that work should start earlier rather than later. Learn from my mistakes on that one, folks.”

Many women today, including Christian women, are pursuing higher education and careers and aren’t even considering getting married and having children since they aren’t being taught that this is something they should consider early rather than later. It’s a rare young girl these days when asked what she wants to be when she grows up would answer, “a wife and mother.” No, nowadays, this answer would be frowned upon and they would be asked, “What if you never get married?” or “What career choice do you want to pursue?” As if being a wife and mother weren’t good things to desire or even pursue.

In order to want to get married and have children, young women must be willing to sacrifice their time, energy, and maybe even their gifts, and most young women don’t seem to want to do these things. They also must learn to be a help meet to their husband and serve him by learning to have a meek and quiet spirit if they marry. They must learn to sacrifice their body, time, and energy to raise godly offspring which is difficult. Yes, marrying and bearing children requires a lot of sacrifice that many young women have no desire to do these days, sadly. (It’s heartbreaking to me.) Instead, they would rather sacrifice their time, money, and energy for a career that may keep them from marrying and raising their children, if they do have children.

Yes, being a godly woman who wants to be a wife and mother is a good goal for young women to pursue, contrary to popular opinion, if their goal in life is to marry and have children but unfortunately, most young women have believed the feminist’s lies and believe that having careers and pursuing worldly things are far superior.

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
1 Timothy 5:14

Watering Down Truth to Be Liked

Watering Down Truth to Be Liked

God has a good reason for all that He commands. He is good and we can trust Him. He commands that older women teach the younger women biblical womanhood for a good reason. I see younger women sharing some controversial posts with truth in them then begin backtracking when others who comment start to give them a hard time. They care much more about being liked than speaking truth.

The younger women fail to understand the importance of speaking even the hard truths and combating the lies of today. They are younger in their faith and experience and I don’t blame them for wanting to be liked. It’s difficult to speak the truth of God’s word and be constantly slandered, argued with, and even hated. But “true Christianity will cost a man the favor of the world. He must be content to be thought ill of by man if he pleases God. He must count it no strange thing to be mocked, ridiculed, slandered, persecuted, and even hated” (J.C. Ryle). Our aim in life isn’t to be well liked or popular and you can be assured that you won’t if you share the truth of God’s word.

Some young women shared critical but truthful reviews of a popular “Christian” author’s book that was not biblical at all. Some of the young women who were commenting were saying how much they liked this book even though they didn’t agree with it fully. The younger women who shared it would then respond by saying “Oh, yes, take what you like and spit out the rest” or “Yes, there probably are very good things she shares.” NO! She is a false teacher and we are warned over and over again to not have anything to do with them. If they are teaching things opposed to the word of God, flee! Never water down what God clearly commands.

“Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them” (Romans 16:17). These truths are hard for younger women to write to their Facebook “friends.” They don’t want to offend anyone but truth will always offend those who don’t want to hear it so we must not allow this to stop us from sharing truth. The older women do not seem so easily offended by those who hate them and the truth. They have developed more of a backbone from aging, wisdom, and experience which is how God intends.

It’s extremely difficult even as an older woman to teach women the truths of biblical womanhood. There aren’t many who will teach women to be “keepers at home” because of the backlash and strawmen arguments that are constantly used against them. When they do try to teach it, they will teach all of the exceptions so that almost everyone fits into the exceptions, therefore, few women are keepers at home. The same goes with submission. All of the exceptions given wipe out the clear commands of God for women to submit to their husbands in everything and be obedient to them. Instead of focusing upon the exceptions, let us be bold with the truth of God and allow it to convict and change women’s hearts and minds. Watered down truth does nobody any good at all.

Beloved, believe not every spirit, but try the spirits whether they are of God: because many false prophets are gone out into the world.
1 John 4:1

Men Prefer Attractive Wives

Men Prefer Attractive Wives

This title won’t be as contentious as my other title that beings with “Men Prefer…” since I doubt any men prefer their wives to be unattractive. Those who will find it to be contentious are those who falsely believe that men aren’t allowed to have any preferences at all and if they do, they are somehow evil. (This came out loud and clear on my viral post.) This is not so! We all have preferences.

However, “attractiveness” is in the eye of the beholder. On my birthday post, I mentioned that my 60 year old husband still finds his just turned 60 year old wife attractive. I decided to find out what he meant when he told me this. Here is how he answered me.

The most important thing that keeps him attracted to me is my joyfulness! I laugh at his jokes and smile a lot. I even sing loudly at church although my voice isn’t great. (He did tell me on our walk yesterday that he liked my voice. I was shocked!) I don’t get moody so he doesn’t have to wonder what my mood will be.

The others things he finds attractive about me in order: I keep myself in shape, intelligence, ability to carry a good conversation, and how well I take care of the children and grandchildren. I asked the women in the chat room what their husbands find attractive in them and they had a variety of answers from how they wear their hair, makeup, what clothing they wear, how they were treated by their wives, cleanliness, and many other things.

Men will have a variety of things that attract them to their wives but I remember hearing that the number one thing that men find most attractive in women is their cheerfulness. It’s probably the one thing that women find the hardest to keep since they are easily led by their emotions and feelings. I sure was when I was younger but not anymore! Thankfully, the Lord kicked it out of me when I was able to see how ugly and wrong it was. Plus, being in the word of God daily helps me to continually renew my mind with truth. Being thankful and continually taking every thought captive to the obedience of the Lord Jesus are vital to remaining joyful.

One woman in the chat room wrote that her demeanor and attitude is what attracts her husband no matter what she looks like. If she is cheerful and laughing, he is attracted to her even if she is in her pajamas but if she is sour and grumpy, she is not attractive to him at all.

I do think most men are attracted to their wives when they try to stay in the best shape that they can. Men are visual. It’s a fact of life no matter how much women try to say men shouldn’t be this way. They are. God made them this way! So do the best you can and if you struggle, at least keep trying and never give up.

Ask your husband what makes you attractive to him then ask him what makes you unattractive to him. (I asked this of my husband, too, and still need to work on a few areas!) You want to learn what pleases him so you will want to work on becoming more attractive to him and less unattractive to him. Remember, this is the man that you promised to be committed until death do you part and you were created to be his help meet. Desire to stay attractive to him, even in your old age. Joyfulness goes a LONG way even when you have gray hair, age spots, and wrinkles!

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.
Proverbs 17:22

Snatching Ambiguity From Clarity

Snatching Ambiguity From Clarity

During the Judge Kavanaugh’s hearings, the Judge gave an interesting phrase “snatching ambiguity from clarity” as he discussed textualism, the theory that the interpretation of the law is based primarily on the ordinary meaning of the text when it was written. He was referencing those who want to find every reason why what the law actually says is not what it actually means.

Unfortunately, it seems that we have the same issue in the Church today where too many people want to take what is so clearly stated in the Word and twist and turn, reach and hypothesize, all to conclude that they know the mind of God on matters clearly written in God’s Word and they have discovered that God’s mind is the opposite of what is clearly stated.

This is especially true concerning modern biblical womanhood where, of course, modern Western thinking is said to have nothing to do with their conclusions as they stretch for ambiguity to try and upend God’s intent with the plain meaning and make it say the opposite of what God clearly says. In other words, the are “snatching ambiguity from clarity.”

Amiguity means “doubtfulness of uncertainty of significance; double meaning.” Some women love to make other women doubt God’s clear commands and cause them to be uncertain and question if they are true and relevant for today. Clarity means “clearness” which God’s word is to us; most often clear as can be!

I teach women to be submissive to their husbands as it is clearly taught in the text of the word of God but it amazes me how many now love to make it ambiguous. They love to cast doubt on what God has clearly commanded by giving all of the ifs, buts, and exceptions.

“God wouldn’t command women to be submissive because it can lead to abuse!” Is your husband abusing you? If so, quickly seek help. A wife’s loving and willful submission does not include subjecting herself or her children to abuse. But if your husband is not abusing you, stop using this excuse to wipe out the clear teaching of God’s word.

“What if a husband asks a wife to sin?” Is your husband asking you to sin for him or with him? If so, just say no. Submission does not mean we go against God’s clear word and sin.

“That was written only to one church, not to the whole church of God!” No, it was written to all churches. Six epistles clearly state that a wife is to be submissive to her husband’s leadership. Four were to specific churches who were told to pass them around to other churches, and two were to two of the apostles who were Paul’s main proteges, Timothy and Titus, and both were responsible to lead multiple churches.

Perhaps nothing creates more ambiguity with the text than the cry for “mutual submission.” God says one time, “submitting yourselves one to another.” “See! We don’t really have to be submissive to our husbands at all!” They have snatched ambiguity to overturn the clear meaning of seven verses on a wife’s submission by appealing to one verse that also tells her to be submissive! That’s right, “submitting yourselves one to another.” How can such a clear verse now come to mean: “I do not have to submit at all”? These women have in their minds created doubtfulness, uncertainty of significance or a double meaning, and ambiguity; all in an effort to excuse why they refuse to accept the clarity of the text.

The worst case of creating ambiguity with the clear teaching of the word is the massive attempt to justify women holding places of church authority and teaching men in the church even when the plain text says, “Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection. But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence. For Adam was first formed, then Eve. And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression” (1 Timothy 2:11-14).

“Women were the first to preach to the disciples about Jesus rising from the dead!” How much more ambiguity can you find than a simple message of the resurrection turned into a speaking engagement? Actually, wasn’t it an angel who preached to the women and told them to go tell (not preach) to the disciples that Christ had risen?

“What about Deborah, Junia, and Priscilla!?” All great women used by God but we have not one instance of any woman preaching in the churches or a scrap of any message they gave. Did you miss the part where all the priests of the Old Covenant and all of the apostles were men?

“Junia. She’s an apostle!” Or maybe she was “of note among the apostles”(Romans 16:7)? Or maybe she wasn’t a she at all but Junias, a man? But for those looking to snatch ambiguity from clarity of God’s Word on these matters, they have found enough. They have muddied the waters just enough to create a whole theology for women preachers/teachers and leaders in the churches all out of an ambiguous text.

“Those commands were cultural and only for that church.” Yes, it is the only possible ambiguity that is not dishonest, but it also is not part of the the actual text. There is no place in scripture that God tells us that one day women would lead the church and do it better than godly men can do it. An appeal to the texts being cultural and no longer applicable to our day presumes that Western culture is superior to all other cultures and that God in all His ambiguity could not have clearly given us instructions for marriage and the Church that could endure throughout the church age. No, what was good for almost 2,000 years is no longer good for today as feminism has freed the church from its yoke of biblical culture.

But here’s the “cultural” catch. The apostle Paul’s justification for why a woman was not to exercise authority over a man or teach him predates culture. Paul takes us back to a time before culture began and only Adam and Eve were in the garden. Did Paul lie to us? Or was God giving us His will and His way in a clear manner explaining why He wants male leadership in Christian homes and churches? And if you say Paul lied or was mistaken in his words, you have just opened the slippery slide that will take you away from all of the churches’ teachings leaving you with nothing more than the red letters of Jesus. All these years the Bible could not be trusted by the Church, and you just discovered that for us by all your ambiguities? I do not think so, and we have the mind of Christ (1 Corinthians 2:16) who founded His church upon His apostles as stated in His word.

We live in a culture where everyone has an excuse and a justification for why they will not do the right things in life. Divorce is rampant. Children are left in daycare are all day. Debt is skyrocketing. The unborn are being killed for getting in the way, and every form of sexual sin is being thrust upon us by a pleasure-seeking society where everyone is doing what is right in their own eyes. But some of you want us to believe that this culture is so much better than the culture that Peter and Paul preached to and admonished. That we have progressed to an evolutionary point in the church where we can adapt the Church to this sinful culture and make it better. This world needs Jesus and God’s instructions to us more than ever. Don’t throw out God’s clear admonitions but embrace them as a people called to be separate and holy, set aside for God. His ways are always best.

God is clear what he wants for the role of women in the churches and it is for our good. The clarity of the plain speaking word of God is far more valid than any ambiguity can challenge. Take God at His word, dear women. The New Covenant teachings begin in Acts when the Church was established by the apostles. Everything we need for life and godliness is found in God’s word, not in wishful thinking and a stretch for ambiguity. The New Covenant and the New Testament are our guide giving us all we need for life and godliness. Let us not allow culture to dictate what God’s word says, but rather let us allow God’s word to influence us to stand firm against modern culture by studying it and obeying God!

Women are No Longer Marriage Material

Women are No Longer Marriage Material

Feminism (sin: wandering from God’s ways) has caused women to no longer be marriage material. Unfortunately, most men have been influenced by feminism and don’t even know they need a wife (“it is better to marry than to burn,” the Bible states, and most men burn), what to look for in a wife, or what they want with their lives. Men, if they were unaffected by feminism, would want to marry in order to have a wife who would help them throughout their lives and would willingly bear and raise children for them. They would want a help meet, a sexual partner, a homemaker who will cook, clean, and care for their home, and a family. Many women no longer want to be nor do these things.

Feminism has caused women to want to be equal with men. They want to have careers and be away from their homes. Many no longer want to bear nor raise their children so why should men want to marry since they can have their sexual needs fulfilled so easily by the many available women who are choosing not to save themselves for marriage?

Women are also the ones seeking divorce so this makes marriage even more undesirable for most men. I look around me and see few young people marrying and bearing children. Men don’t want to get married and then give half of what they own to a woman who will then divorce them, raise their children away from them, and may even remarry so another man raises their children. Way too many young Christian couples are divorcing after only being married a few years and it’s tragic.

“There is no denying that marriage is a very, very bad deal. When you get married you immediately give your wife all the power over your money and your children. ‘No-fault’ divorce really means ‘his-fault’ divorce. If your wife is to decide she wants a divorce she can have all the benefits of being married and none of the drawbacks. Divorce is theft from the man. It’s a redistribution of wealth from men to women. She can live off of your paycheck via alimony and child support and she can keep your children and raise them in a single-mother or step-daddy household.

“She has the complete and full support of Papa Government behind her. In the eyes of the law she can do no wrong and you can do no right. And there is nothing you can do about any of that. That’s why you have to choose the right wife in the first place to eliminate much of that risk.” (written by Victor Pride. I am not linking to the article because I don’t agree with all of it – like men waiting until 30 years old to marry – and some of the language isn’t appropriate. I also don’t know what else he believes or supports, but the article has some good points such as this quote concerning divorce.)

Even Christian women are choosing to divorce instead of being married “until death do they part.” They aren’t considering the long-term impact that divorce will have upon their children. God’s ways are good and He commands we be married to one person for a lifetime. Too many women go into marriage thinking that divorce will be an option if they want out.

God’s ways make women beautiful marriage material. God encourages younger women to marry, bear children, and guide the home with a meek and quiet spirit. I love watching the Duggar children marry and bear children on their TV show “Counting On.” Most of them are marrying young and having children as soon as the Lord blesses them. They count children as a gift.

The young women don’t go away to college and then have careers. They find productive work in and around their home. Once they are married, they are all full-time homemakers while their husbands provide for the families. The women have meek and quiet spirits and they are joyful because they know who they are in Christ and follow Him. They respect their husbands. They are obeying God’s plan for their lives and it’s a blessing to watch since it’s so rare these days.

No, I don’t teach men but I would like to ask them a question: Would you prefer to marry a career woman who had little time for you, your children, or your home because she was so busy with her career or would you prefer to marry a woman with a meek and quiet spirit (not argumentative, contentious, or quarreling) who loved to take care of you, your children (which includes the willingness to have children), and your home where you would come home at night to a clean and tidy home with a homemade meal? I believe most men would far prefer a woman who followed the Lord’s plans for her since most men want a peaceful home and share it with the wife of their youth but they have been made to believe lies due to feminism.

“Maximize wife’s happiness with her wifely and motherly duties (the complete opposite of everything you will see, read or hear). It’s not about empowerment (or any other buzzword designed to kill the traditional family), she should be completely devoted to her family. True happiness for a woman comes from her family, it does not come from her career, or her ‘independence’, or her sexually liberated point of view.” (Victor Pride)

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
Proverbs 31:10

Lazy Husbands, Hungry Kids, and Hopeful Wives

Lazy Husbands, Hungry Kids, and Hopeful Wives

Written By Michael Pearl

Dear Pearls,

Is it normal for wives of Visionary men to face homelessness? My husband has not worked at all for 2 years. Our car died and there is no money to fix it. Our savings are almost gone. We are very behind on our rent, and my husband has made it clear that he does not want me trying to get any kind of government assistance. Nor does he want me asking him any more work-related questions of any kind. He wants to work from home and will not consider doing any kind of other work to make ends meet. I am really trying to keep my mouth shut but am struggling as of late. We will be facing eviction soon. My parents live very close by and are aware that my husband is either sleeping or on the computer. My mom doesn’t say anything but often offers us food, which is well-received. I make a small amount of money working from home, but it is not enough to keep us afloat.

Should I just quietly allow this to happen to us? I wouldn’t worry about it so much if our children were not so young. They are 4, 2, and 1. My husband is not a Christian, but I love him and think he is a good man, but he is making me crazy! If you have any advice on what I can do, please let me know.

Dear Sister,

Your problem is part of a growing epidemic that can’t be blamed on the economy. God tells us in I Timothy 5:8, “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”

In Micah 4:4, God reminds us, “But they shall sit every man under his vine and under his fig tree…”

Clearly God meant for every man to work and provide for his household. So you and God are agreed, but that doesn’t mean your husband is going to jump up and get a job just because you tell him what God has said. So, what is a wife supposed to do? Basically nothing—nothing in word and nothing in deed. Just stay cheerful and loving. Your situation is better than most, for you have parents who, while not pushy, are willing to help. First, thank God for that wonderful mercy.

The Apostle Paul dealt with this issue in the early church. He reminded the Thessalonica church, “For even when we were with you, this we commanded you, that if any would not work, neither should he eat. For we hear that there are some which walk among you disorderly, working not at all, but are busybodies. Now them that are such we command and exhort by our Lord Jesus Christ, that with quietness they work, and eat their own bread” (2 Thessalonians 3:10–12). It is certainly not your responsibility to keep him from eating, but neither is it your duty to bail him out of his laziness. Tell your mom how much you appreciate her generous offerings of food, but ask her to give foods that only the little ones will eat. Make the food plain and basic. Slip over once a day with the children but without your husband and eat heartily. When there is no money available, allow your own kitchen cabinets to become bare.

The best thing a woman can do is allow the situation to come to a head as quickly as possible. Don’t be an enabler by seeking further income. As long as he can keep the family together in any dwelling and provide food, continue to cheerfully follow his lead.

But what if a worst case scenario develops and you are evicted and find yourself homeless with no place to go but the streets or a homeless shelter? That puts your children in danger.

There is an example in Scripture that is often overlooked. In 1 Samuel 25 we read of a woman named Abigail who was married to a man who offended David by refusing to feed his hungry men. When Abigail heard what her husband had done, she knew their lives were in danger. So, without her husband’s knowledge, she directed the servants to prepare food for the 600 men and hastily deliver it. David received the food and readily acknowledged that she had saved him from shedding blood. When Abigail’s husband suddenly died of divine/natural causes, David took her to be his wife.

If your husband’s actions put your children in real danger—not just discomfort or inconvenience—you should protect the children by respectfully disobeying your husband. To broaden the subject for our readers, the same would be true if a drunken husband commanded a wife and children to ride in the car while he drove. Respectfully disobey. Likewise, if a husband commands a wife to leave her children in the care of questionable babysitters, follow your maternal instincts.

If your present circumstances deteriorate to the point of homelessness, I suggest that you quietly arrange ahead of time for your parents to invite you and the children, but not your husband, to come and live with them. Let him live in a homeless shelter until he can provide a home for you and the girls. If he insists that you live with him on the streets, tell him your children come first and you will take them to your parents, dreaming of the day when he has a place for the family to be united. Perhaps you could have your parents invite him for dinner and a conjugal visit once a week but not to stay the night. Sometimes a man needs to lose his comfort zone (computer and TV) to appreciate his responsibility to maintain that zone. Most women make the mistake of jumping in and providing, and then they become bitter toward their lazy husbands.

I know I am going to get a lot of flak for this. If you have a better answer, I would like to hear it. We will publish worthy answers that vary from my own. I am glad God made me a husband and not a wife. Every woman deserves to be loved and cherished, and every child deserves to be protected and nurtured. Some husbands deserve to be whipped, but that, dear lady, is God’s job, not yours.

But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.
1 Timothy 5:8

The Entitlement Attitude of Women

The Entitlement Attitude of Women

The reason my viral post had such a strong visceral reaction was because many women have an entitlement attitude that says they can live however they want and suffer no consequences. They can sleep around, get into huge amounts of debt by going to college (since everyone else is doing it), tattoo their bodies, and still expect a good man to want to marry them because they deserve it and “God’s grace covers all of their sins.”

“The reason so many people got upset at reading the Lori Alexander piece is because upwards of 90 percent of all American singles fail to meet her simple, tried and true standard for maximizing marital success. Rather than take a little humble pill, they are defiant against God and his simple-to-follow rules. They want to equivocate, obfuscate, and make themselves the exception to the rules. It’s totally understandable. We all have that desire.”

Yes, God’s grace covers all of our sins once we believe in Jesus Christ as our Savior but it doesn’t mean that we won’t bear the consequences of our sins. It also doesn’t give us the freedom to continue in sin. All we deserve is hell and damnation except for Christ’s shed blood for us so get the entitlement attitude that is so prevalent today out of your mind. If but for Christ, we would all be lost in our sin without any hope.

I sure had preferences for the man I was hoping to one day marry. I wanted him to be a godly man, a virgin, hard-working, athletic, and taller than me! Was I wrong to have these standards? No! And neither are any of you but you must expect high standards for yourself, too; for we are promised that we will reap what we sow. I asked my husband if he would have wanted to marry me if I had slept around, had high amounts of debt, and tattoos and he said, “Absolutely not!” No, none of us will ever be perfect but some sins are much more destructive to the happiness of a future marriage than others.

Mychael Klajic wrote a well-thought out response to my article. She wasn’t a virgin, had debt, and a tattoo when she married. She clearly understands the consequences of her sin and doesn’t try to hide this fact. We all live with regrets of past actions because sin is destructive. We should never try to minimize sin and say that it is not harmful. It is! We must repent from our wicked ways and seek to live holy lives as His Spirit works mightily within us.

“If you are a typical 30-something girl who had been playing the field in your twenties, the ONLY way you have any chance to marry a high quality, high status man is to humble yourself in the presence of any man you might like to marry, and answer any and all questions he has for you. At any point, he may decide that is too much baggage and walk away.”

Mychael grieves about her past sins and how they affect her today. “In fact, even if you do all that, you will still have the second and third order effects of that life FOREVER. You can never get the pictures of your spouse with someone else out of your mind. You can NEVER really stop wondering if you are being compared. You can mentally control it, and minimize it. But it’s always there. Then there are the children. Someday, they will start asking questions about their step brother’s origin. It breaks my heart to think of that conversation. And it should break my heart.”

For me to teach young women to be virtuous seems to be forbidden in many churches today apparently, as is teaching women to be submissive towards their husbands, silent in the churches, and being keepers at home. Something is so wrong about this! I completely disagree with this sentiment and will continue to teach younger women the ways of godliness because they are good and for their good!

“It matters to your future husband what you did before you met him. Do not pretend that he should just take you with all that baggage because you are sooo awesome. You created most of it yourself. The previous two or three generations of men were conditioned by their baby boomer parents to believe that it doesn’t matter. But the ones under forty have been warned. The party’s over, girls. And Lori’s three markers are a really good way to screen for that stuff. Are you the exception? Who knows? Why should you burden your future husband with the task of figuring it out?”

For God hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness.
1 Thessalonians 4:7

What Men Thought of My Viral Post

What Men Thought of My Viral Post

There was definitely mass hysteria among Christians surrounding my viral post. It’s a clear example of how easily women are led by their emotions and feelings instead of the truth of God’s Word. A man who runs a popular blog for men wrote about this hysteria: “Lori Alexander set the Christian Feminists clucking with her recent post Men Prefer Debt-Free Virgins Without Tattoos. The furious response was entirely predictable precisely because what Lori wrote is true. Feminists can’t stand the idea of giving young women good advice on how to compete for the best husbands, as this puts the feminist dream of having it all in jeopardy.”

The following are some quotes from men who commented on his post. These comments show these men get it in a world that is quickly losing the point of Christianity. Since most of you have only read the numerous articles and watched YouTube videos attacking me for writing the post, I thought I would give you a different perspective.

“A spot on article. These ladies act as though, for the majority of history, tattooed, in-debt, whores were all the rage and now this article is going against the grain! Quite the opposite! Its a sad view on where our society, and modern Christianity, have ended up.”

“I have never seen such a concerted attack on Christian sexual ethics as I have in response to this article. It’s never been more obvious to me just how far gone the Western church is.”

“Reading comprehension isn’t popular any more, apparently; this is the third woman [who wrote an article against Lori] to read ‘men prefer’ and somehow transmute that into something like ‘God loves only….’ There are a lot of women who really want to tell men what they should prefer…or else!”

“Neither Lori… nor Lori’s defenders once said that women who have had premarital sex, or women with debt, or women with tattoos are impure, irredeemable, irretrievably corrupt, worthless, cannot marry, or should not marry. No one says these women are unattractive.

“All that was asserted is that Christian men PREFER tattoo free, debt free virgins FOR MARRIAGE. And that has been distorted and bastardized into ‘nonvirgin women with tattoos and debt are worthless, corrupt, impure, ugly, awful and terrible.’ No one anywhere said that or anything even close to that.”

“I do have some sympathy for the reaction this article of Lori’s has caused. I would feel incredibly guilty too if I had deviated from what I know to be right. It is natural to feel guilty when you know you have done something wrong. I guess we have all experienced this in one way or another.”

A man responded to the quote above: “I don’t feel any sympathy, but exactly the opposite, because exactly the WRONG reaction is triggered. When you FEEL guilty, maybe it is because you ARE guilty of sinning. In such cases there’s only ONE thing to do: repent and ask God for forgiveness! NOT trying to argue it away or accuse people of heaping shame on sinners for calling out the sin. The latter is the WORST you can do, and the LEAST we should expect from Christians. I cannot believe such basics of faith are not comprehended.

“No, the real problem is that Alexander puts her thumb squarely on a sore spot for soft complementarians and Christian feminists: resentment of the judgment of men.”

“Sleeping around, debt, and tattoos indicate a lack of self-control and wisdom. They’re undesirable. If a man is willing to overlook red flags, then fine, but just like with any other vocation it takes two to tango, and it’s not wrong to reject a former [loose woman] for marriage any more than it is for a company to reject hiring a former thief as its accountant. Sometimes you do stupid stuff and it comes back to bite you, even if you’re forgiven by Christ. That’s life as an adult, ladies.”

“They should just name their posts: God wants you to be a virgin and that’s exactly why you shouldn’t be one. Notice that it is ‘prefer’ (men prefer), not that men will only accept such.. but still, just that men prefer something to something else sets them ablaze. Men are not allowed to have a preference at all apparently.”

“You can set a clock on the predictability of these people and their hysterical responses to cold hard truth. Of course men find women more desirable if they look feminine (no tattoos), act feminine (not a crazed man hating feminist), and haven’t had countless men [have sex with them]. In any other period of time, when sanity ruled, people would have read this and rolled their eyes that something this obvious even needed to be said.

“These contemptible, screeching women always fall back to the old tried and true line that God is a God of grace and He forgives you regardless of your past blah, blah, blah. Yes, He is a forgiving God and full of grace, but He still lays out His preferred (i.e. the optimal) way of doing things. He clearly says to not engage in premarital sex and speaks against tattoos (Leviticus 19:28) and lots of piercings while encouraging modesty (1 Timothy 2:9).

“In light of these few examples, it’s difficult to argue Lori is wrong with the stance she takes in her article. It’s no sin to marry a college educated, non-virgin tattooed woman, but anytime you deviate from the God-prescribed way of doing things, you are just asking for serious problems.”

“People (of both sexes) like to delude themselves into believing that because God forgives them of their sins (if they REPENT – another inconvenient requirement churchians want to flush down the memory hole) that this also automatically removes temporal consequences that arise from their sins. Nope.

“God’s forgiveness simply means that His grace has redeemed your soul. That has nothing to do with earthly consequences of sin. A prostitute who contracts AIDS in the ‘line of duty’ might be redeemed after accepting Christ as her savior, but that doesn’t automatically mean that she’s cured of her disease or that she magically becomes marriage material so that some Christian man should wife her up.”

“What is funny is that in most of the rest of the world (outside of the West), not only is this centuries-old norm understood, but people would be surprised that anyone thinks otherwise.”

“Would these ladies be freaked out by an article titled ‘Women dig financially independent guys who stay fit and don’t watch porn?'”

“Isn’t Alexander also the woman who advocated not expecting your husband to do chores? That makes the second time she’s provoked a strong and bitter reaction. Unlike parents touting their boys prancing about in full makeup, or women describing their abortion, I would call her post courageous. Funny old world, when depravity is normal and virtue shocking.”

“Most these responses are upset that someone said a truth they don’t like. Few are disputing that men really do prefer debt-free virgins for marriage. They are railing at reality. They are arguing for men to change their mind, but most accept this is what men want for a spouse. For Christian men, it’s not even close.

“Of course, we live in a fallen world and some will make mistakes. But the ideal should be very clear for men and women and we should all celebrate those who are chaste and work to restore that as the norm.

“I think so many have sinned so much that as a society we try and minimize sin instead of accept our dependence on Christ. ‘Oh, fornicating before marriage is no big deal. Everyone does it. They were in love.’ If you truly experienced the realization of your sins and Christ’s grace, you would do everything in your world to convince men and women to avoid these serious sins. You would never make excuses. You would beg and plead that young women went to marriage virgins. But we just blithely smear grace over everything we do and forget the price paid.”

“The new tack Christian feminists take is that virginity isn’t important. Following God’s rules isn’t important. If you point out someone isn’t a virgin (more likely that they were promiscuous at one or more points in their lives), you’re ‘attacking’ them and focusing on ‘all the wrong things.’

“We bear the scars of our sexual pasts. Repeated heartache and pain of breakup and loss. Trust issues. Inability or unwillingness to bond. Inability/unwillingness to trust one of the opposite sex. Incurable STDs, especially herpes, HPV, and a host of others. Sexual ‘hangups’ or reservations caused by bad experiences in the past. Rape. Unwanted pregnancy. Abortion. Never learning healthy relationships with the opposite sex.”

“And it’s not so much people saying ‘if you’re not a virgin you’re forever corrupt and impure and dirty.’ It’s people saying ‘the Biblical rule is no sex outside marriage, and you broke that rule, and there are consequences to breaking that rule.’

“All one has to do to find the consequences of it are to go to your local family court and watch the endless parade of fractured hearts, souls, and families. Check out Planned Parenthood. Check out a local clinic. Twenty five percent of American women are under the care of a mental health professional and/or are on antidepressant medications.

“Women have more personal liberty and freedom now than at any other time in human history, and yet they’re miserable. They get unhappier by the year. They can have sex with literally anyone they want, anytime they want, anywhere they want. And it still isn’t enough to make them happy.”

“Lori Alexander told the truth. Gotta give her credit for going against the flow of feminism.”

“Obedience to God is a manifestation of worshiping God. Getting a good man is one fruit of that obedience. Besides, these days, a virgin is just about as rare as a Proverbs 31 woman. I am sure there is a correlation to this.”

Who can find a virtuous woman? For her price is above rubies.
Proverbs 31:10

Becoming Women Who are Feminine with Meek and Quiet Spirits

Becoming Women Who are Feminine with Meek and Quiet Spirits

It is in a young woman’s nature to want to attract the opposite sex. It happens around thirteen years old or so when puberty hits. I believe it’s God’s plan since He created woman for man (1 Corinthians 11:7-9) and most woman want to be loved, protected, and provided for by a man. God also created marriage and said that it is good.

The problem is that many women go about trying to attract the opposite sex the wrong way. They dress sexually and act provocatively. They are willing sexual partners. They become loud, aggressive, and flirty. Yes, this will attract men who want easy sex but it won’t attract men who want to marry them, especially godly men.

As believers in Jesus Christ, God calls women to be feminine with meek and quiet spirits. Not only does this please the Lord (remember, all of His commands to us are for our good), but it will attract godly men and, most likely, all men. I’m not sure any man enjoys loud and aggressive women, especially being married to one since the Bible tells us it’s better to live on the corner of a roof than with a contentious wife (Proverbs 25:24).

Young women desperately need to be taught to be chaste, discreet, and good. They need to be taught to act like godly women, control their emotions (not be led by them), and be kind and loving. The most beautiful women I know are feminine women with meek and quiet spirits and it has NOTHING whatsoever to do with their looks (besides, looks fade quickly). It has to do with their calm and gentle spirit. Their husbands adore them!

Women, God knows what He is talking about. He created us and He wants us to act like feminine women the way He describes them with meek and quiet spirits. Sarah was known for adorning herself with this and her submission to Abraham. Not many women want to adorn themselves this way but this is what makes a woman beautiful to her husband. No, it’s not being a doormat but choosing to lovingly serve and submit to her husband, as Christ asks us to do. When we do this, we are lovingly serving and submitting to the Lord.

Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel; But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
1 Peter 3:3, 4

*Image by Daniel Gerhartz