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Men Need Gentle Women in Their Lives

Men Need Gentle Women in Their Lives

Many women who want to be home full time with their children have a problem with their husbands wanting the same things. Most of these husbands had mothers who weren’t home full time to nurture and give them emotional support, therefore, they don’t understand what they missed but it does affect them deeply. They usually have a hard time being emotionally close to their wives because of lack of motherly care and affection.

Dr. Brenda Hunter in Home By Choice explains how important it is for full-time mothers to have husbands who are supportive of their roles at home. If your husband is not, give it to the Lord daily in prayer and ask Him to convict and change your husband’s mind. Also, your appeal to him to stay home will be more accepted if you are living as a godly, kind, and submissive wife to him.

Then the author goes on to explain the horrible effect feminism has had on men. “American males are not only angry and confused, but they are exhausted from trying to live up to performance standards they feel women impose. Modern men must be sensitive, but not wimps; they should exhibit ‘tempered macho,’ and be super successful in their careers.”

Men are not supposed to open a woman’s door or help her out of a chair. If he says anything to her when she is immodestly dressed, he may be considered for sexual harassment. In short, men are not supposed to act like men, according to feminism. They want men to act like women and women to act like men! They don’t know what they want because the further one wanders from the truth, the more difficult it is to figure life out. What’s right is wrong and what’s wrong is right.

The author’s solution for men these days – a gentle woman! “A gentle woman can teach a man to be gentle, respectful, and reverent of her womanhood as complementary to his own manhood.” You know, that winning them without a word by godly, chaste behavior and having a meek and quiet spirit. God knew exactly what men needed when He provided a mother to raise them and a wife to be a help meet to them when they married.

Studies have proven that boys suffer more than girls if their mom returns to work. Boys all the way up to men were created to need women in their lives to care for and encourage them. “The point of this brief examination of male vulnerability (from the book Home By Choice) is to assert that sons and husbands need the women in their lives to nurture them, appreciate them, and express interest in their lives. As little boys or as high-powered executives, males suffer from female neglect…all men need sensitive women in their lives.” Sadly, few of them are receiving this these days.

Then she shares about the “father hunger” that so many men suffer with today. “Many men suffer from father hunger, not only from fathers who were absent, but also from fathers who were passive or uninvolved.” This is so common. In fact, she stated that there are few people today who were deeply loved and nurtured by both mother and father. Are you one of the few who were loved by both parents? If so, you are very blessed!

If a man is denied his father’s affirmation and blessing, he will search for it all his life. The absence of a father’s acceptance and unconditional love can cause a man to become an overachiever or a convict. I have never met an inmate who loves his dad.” This, my friends, is why you do everything in your power to keep your marriage to your children’s father strong and intact. Your children need their fathers in their lives. Fathers are not expendable as our culture tries to make them out to be.

If your husband has left you, begin memorizing and learning 1 Peter 3:1-6 and become attractive to your husband by your sweet, gentle, and feminine ways as I have written about many times before. If you are married, never take your husband for granted. Stop being critical and fault-finding of him. This will never make a good marriage. Once you love him just the way that he is and allow the Lord to be the one to convict and change him, you will find peace beyond comprehension and joy unspeakable!

And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient.
2 Timothy 2:24

Their Affection For Each Other

Their Affection For Each Other

Last Sunday, our church held their service on the beach at Lake Michigan. We are in Door County, WI where we’ve come almost every summer since I was a child. My grandpa built a cabin up here in 1959 and then my dad built one right next door thirty years ago so we’ve always loved coming here.

During the service, there was an older man with long, gray hair in front of us sitting next to his wife who had long, wavy blond hair. I noticed that he was continually putting his hand on her back and around her waist. It was easy to notice how much affection he had for her. Her Bible was laying on the ground in front of her and was all marked up so I could tell she was a woman of the Word. When she sang, her arms were lifted high in the air praising the Lord.

When the service was over and they turned around, Ken asked if he was a part of the Gaither Band. I then remembered last week someone telling me that the young, tall handsome man who sings up front was one of the sons of Guy Penrod who sang in the Gaither Band and then it all made sense. The couple I was admiring was Guy and his wife, Angie!

I then found out that they have eight children! Many of them were standing right in front of us next to their parents; all of them were very tall boys. They have seven boys and one girl. There was a baptism after the service and I saw Angie come up behind Guy and wrap her arms around him. Anyone watching them could tell they have a strong and happy marriage.

It’s rare to see a couple interact the way they did and knowing they’ve been married a long time and have so many children makes it even more special. They are witnesses to all around them the value of having a good marriage and children. Their children are blessed being raised by parents like them. This shouldn’t be rare among Christian couples but it seems to be, unfortunately.

Guy wrote this on his Facebook page on his 30th wedding anniversary: “When Angie and I married almost 30 years ago now, we could have never known how much we would learn from one another about love, life, and God Himself. As believers, whether you are married or single, God has chosen to show us how He wants to relate to us by using the model of marriage.

Angie and I hope that you will press into the presence of God more each day of 2015, remembering that good communication done often, is the key to an ever deepening relationship of any kind. Love God, and each other, the way He says to and the rest falls into place! LOVE NEVER FAILS! (1 Cor. 13:8)”

Here is a video of them from 2006 and Guy said about his wife Angie, “She feels like she was put on this earth to be a mama!” Yes, the picture above is one I sneakily took of them after the church service. They are a beautiful family and I felt privileged to be able to have a small glimpse into their lives.

Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
Proverbs 5:18

Good or Brawling Wife? It’s Your Choice.

Good or Brawling Wife? It’s Your Choice.

We all have the freedom to choose whether or not we will be a good or bad wife. Each morning, we wake up and can decide if we will control our emotions and feelings or not. We can choose to be thankful or complain. It’s our choice and as godly women our choice should be to please the LORD in all that we do by walking in the Spirit instead of the flesh. The Bible gives us examples of good and bad wives. May we learn from these to put on the good and take off the bad.

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD (Proverbs 18:22). “Whoso findeth a wife,…. A good one; … even a good-natured one, wise, prudent, careful, and industrious; a proper helpmeet, a virtuous woman; whoso seeks after such an one, and finds one, especially one that has the grace of God, which he should seek after among his friends, and by their assistance, and by prayer to God” (Gill’s Exposition).

Would your husband say that he has found a good thing in you? Would he call you good-natured? Are you “naturally mild in temper; not easily provoked” by allowing the Word of God to guide your lives and not your emotions or circumstances? We must learn to be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry; for anger does not accomplish the righteous life that God desires. Most husbands would love being around a good-natured wife who doesn’t get easily offended, accepts him as he is, and doesn’t try to control or manipulate him.

The contentions of a wife are a continual dropping (Proverbs 19:13). “The quarrels of a wife spoil a man’s happiness, like perpetual droppings, which wear away what they fall upon (Benson Commentary). Are like rain continually dropping upon a house, which by degrees marreth the house and household stuff, and driveth the inhabitants out of it (Matthew Poole) Such are the contentions of a peevish, ill natured, and brawling wife, who is always scolding” (Gill’s Exposition).

A wife such as this one is miserable for her husband to live with. She is not content, unhappy, and never thankful. She is selfish because she only concerns herself with her needs and desires. She is controlling and argues about every little thing.

House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD (Proverbs 19:14). “A prudent wife is from the Lord; one that behaves well to her husband, manages the affairs of her house with wisdom, and brings up her children in all orderly manner: such a wife no man has from the care and provision of his parents; nor so much from his own good choice and industry as from the kind providence of God, to which he should ascribe it; his parents may give him houses and lands, but it is God that gives him a wise and discreet woman to be an helpmeet to him” (Gill’s Exposition).

Did the LORD give your husband a wise and discreet wife in you? Are you careful with his money and treat him with kindness? Do you spend a lot of time training and disciplining your children in the ways of the LORD? You have a big responsibility, women, and it must be taken seriously. Your children and husband depend upon you to look well to the ways of your household and not eat the bread of idleness. Don’t grow weary in this work the LORD has given you; for in the end, it produces beautiful fruit!

It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house (Proverbs 21:9) and repeated in Proverbs 25:24. “It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop,…. The roofs of houses in Judea were that, encompassed with battlements, whither persons might retire for solitude, and sit in safety: and it is better to be in a corner of such a roof alone, and be exposed to scorching heat, to blustering winds, to thunder storms and showers of rain, than with a brawling woman in a wide house; large and spacious, full of rooms, fit for a numerous family: or, “an house of society” (u); where many families might dwell and live sociably with each other; or a house where a man, his wife and family, might dwell together, and have communion with each other; it is opposed to the corner of the housetop, and the solitariness of it; as the scolding of the brawling woman, or “a woman of contentions”, who is always noisy and quarrelsome, her violent passions, her storming language, and thundering voice, are to the inclemencies of the heavens, to which a man on the housetop is exposed; and yet these are more eligible than the other” (Gill’s Exposition).

Brawling means to quarrel. God does not want us to quarrel. He wants us to be at peace with each other and this is why He designed for the man to be the head over his wife and the wife to submit to her husband. When couples are following His prescription for them, there is peace. There is one decision maker who is the leader and one follower. It’s perfect and it brings peace with no arguing.

Whenever I hear from a woman who tells me that they argue a lot, I tell her to stop. As she argues with her husband, she is sinning by not being under her husband’s leadership. She needs to learn to state her opinion and then let it go without arguing her point. It is better to not get her way, live at peace with her husband, and allow him to make the decisions than getting  her way, living in turmoil, and disobeying God.

 Don’t lecture or scold him, which is easy to do, because you aren’t his leader. If you are prone to “violent passions” or “storming language” or “thundering voice” you need to be in the Word daily and allow Him to transform you into a godly woman who has control of her passions, language, and voice. Stop watching disgusting TV shows because bad company corrupts good morals and instead dwell on the lovely, the good, the pure, and the holy. Fill your mind and home with good things.

My sister told me she never watches the news. While she is in the kitchen baking bread and preparing meals, she prays over those she is preparing it for. When she is washing dishes, she praises the LORD for hot water and dishes to clean for her loved ones. She doesn’t want anything to steal her peace. She understands that politics isn’t her life; Jesus is and giving Him glory and praise throughout the day. She is building up her home and walking in the Spirit.

My Mom isn’t doing well but yesterday, she told me that Philippians 4:8 is her favorite verse. She has never been much of a complainer. She has always loved taking care of her home and family. She knew it was right where she is supposed to me. And now, she loves my dad deeply. They hold hands and praise each other often. Growing old together is a treasure that way too many women are throwing away these days. Build your homes up, women, by searching the Scriptures on how to live your life instead of learning from our decayed culture.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Philippians 4:8

Too Many Angry Wives

Too Many Angry Wives

Older women are to teach the young women to love their husbands. This does not come naturally nor easily for most women. They look and act their best before marriage but after marriage, many no longer care about looking or acting their best for their husbands. Instead, they spend their time being angry and upset with their husbands because their husbands are not living up to their expectations and the wives fail to realize that love is a commitment and an action, not feelings or emotions based.

Jamieson Commentary wrote this about Titus 2:3: “That they (the older women) school (admonish in their duty) the young women to be lovers of their husbands, etc. (the foundation of all domestic happiness).” Older women are to admonish (instruct and direct) younger women to be lovers of their husbands since this is the foundation of all domestic happiness. (I had to repeat this because it is a profound statement and if women believed it and acted upon it, their marriages would be dramatically changed for the good.)

I know that all those years when I was continually upset with Ken, I was not a happy person. Nothing is right in our lives when there is strife with the person we are one flesh with and now that there is no strife in our marriage, life is much happier and more enjoyable for both of us!

The problem with most women is that they spend their married years being mad and upset with their husbands. Why is this? Why do so many women spend so much time and energy being angry with their husbands? I asked the women in the chat room and here is how some of them responded.

Debbie: We are trained with every book, show on television, and movie to be ‘our own women’ and no one tells us what to do. We are also trained to think men are stupid, weak, and in need of manipulation through our feminine wiles. When we get married with this secular, sinful mindset, it’s easy to stay mad, because men just aren’t naturally wired to obey everything we want. Even when they don’t know it, they want to be in charge, and when we are the bosses, nothing will ever be truly peaceful.”

Robin: “Anger boils down to I’m not getting what I want when I want it, and I’m mad about it: whether it’s husband or wife. People can be angry at God, misplacing the blame on Him for giving them this spouse to begin with. (“Lord, the woman YOU GAVE me…”) is the oldest example of this fleshly response. Women can often misplace their Source, trying to make their husband the source instead of CHRIST, THE SOURCE of all for women.

Anger is fear: fear is the satanic anointing opposite of Love, Who is Christ. When someone is angry, they are fearful underneath the anger. Basically this indicates a lack of trust in God in whatever the area of anger is manifesting. There is a righteous anger, at evil. Even if a woman’s husband is actually enslaved by evil, it is possible to redirect the anger to the real source, hell, and have compassion for the husband while she wars for his freedom from a place of compassion, as Jesus did.”

Sarah: “I agree with what other ladies have have said. It seems many of us from the day we are born are taught to be independent and not let a man tell us anything! We also have all kinds of media that tells us what love *should* be and causes expectations which are not met then we get upset because our husband is not textbook romantic or some other quality.” 

Expectations, selfishness, desire to control, fear, and bitterness are all of the reasons why many women live in a state of constant anger towards their husbands. How does a woman give all of these up and change into a woman who truly loves her husband? She confesses it to her husband and asks for his forgiveness. This is the first step to getting rid of sin in our lives. Once it is recognized for what it is and then exposed to to the light, it has a hard time of continuing.

Then practice being loving towards your husband. Every single time a negative or critical thought about your husband comes into your mind, kick it out and replace it with something good. Don’t allow it to take hold of your thoughts. Keep practicing not allowing yourself to be angry with your husband and over time, you will one day realize that you are no longer angry with him at all and that your marriage is bringing you both happiness!

For the wrath of man worketh not the righteousness of God.
James 1:20

Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice.
 
Ephesians 4:31

To Warrior Wives of Straying Husbands

To Warrior Wives of Straying Husbands

Written By Robin Jennifer

I just want to encourage any wife who is standing for her marriage in the face of infidelity. Personally, I know the pain, as this is why I divorced my first husband twenty-three years ago, (and at the time, in my ignorance, I felt completely justified). He went on to marry The Other Woman (or the “strange” woman, as the Bible calls them) after our divorce was final; I may never know if he may have chosen differently had I chosen to stand in faith for our marriage restoration. The LORD has redeemed the years that the locust ate, in many ways, yet my adult son still suffers from our choices.

Ladies, if you are standing for your marriage, trusting the LORD to use you to be a minister of reconciliation, may I offer suggestions for what NOT to do, and what TO do, as you stand:

1. Resist insecurity. He isn’t with her because you are a failure as a wife, or because she’s prettier, or sexier, or better in bed. He isn’t with her because you are less than her. He isn’t with her because you are boring. He is with her because he has been ensnared by the LIAR and is being used by the THIEF to try to steal your marriage. Period. It’s not about you. So, turn your thoughts to rescuing him: ezer (ancient word used in Bible for helper (wife) means, according to Rabbi David Freedman, the word ezer is a combination of two roots, meaning “to rescue/to save” and “strength”. The Hebrew word ezer is a combination of two roots: `-z-r, meaning “to rescue, to save,” and g-z-r, meaning “to be strong.” So, be strong for your man and “rescue” him from the snare of the fowler by cooperating with the Spirit of God within you. Kenegdo (the second word in “help meet”) means “corresponding to him”, “suitable to him”. So, think of yourself cooperating with Jesus to rescue/save/be strong for your husband, as YOU are the one God made to be suitable for this job for him! What an HONOR and privilege! The LORD is your security; your Strong Tower and place of Refuge as you are rescuing your husband.

2. Tame your tongue. The power of life and death is within the tongue (Proverbs 18:21). NEVER speak insecurely or victimized around your husband. You ARE more than a conqueror in Christ! Take these thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ immediately. IF you are tempted to say, “I just want you to love me like you love HER!” or “I see the way you want her – why don’t you want ME that way?”, TOSS those thoughts BEFORE they become words. Remember point one: you are STRONG, and working as rescuer for him, and God is YOUR rescuer when your husband needs you to be strong.

3. Bless your husband whenever possible. The word for bless is eulogeo, from which we derive the word “eulogy”. No one ever speaks poorly of another in a eulogy; we are to “speak well of” the one who is “despitefully using you” and “persecuting you”, separating the person from the principality trying to bind them to wickedness. Further, bless the other woman. Do not speak poorly of her; pray the Word over her life that she might enjoy salvation. This is loving her with agape love. Oh, you can do as Jesus did and curse the root and fruit of the (lust-based) relationship, and trust that it WILL dry up and die (the sinful relationship), just as the fig tree that Jesus cursed (Matt. 21:19). But when speaking of the other woman, to curse her is to cooperate with the adversary instead of cooperating with the Holy Spirit. This can only be done by His power and strength in you, but He is well able to empower you by His limitless grace! The LORD is your Source of the Word of blessing, even as you feel cursed. Remember point two, and SPEAK LIFE!

Be encouraged, Warrior Wives of straying husbands. The LORD is your Salvation as you war in rescuing strength for your husband’s salvation! The LORD is your Helper (John 14:26) to contain your thoughts and tongue, teaching you all things as you wisely navigate these waters. The LORD is your graceful Source of LIFE and blessing, giving sweet and Living Water flowing out of you toward your husband, and even the other woman, as a minister of reconciliation!

The LORD shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace.
Exodus 14:14

Were We Created to Marry Young?

Were We Created to Marry Young?

Guest Post by Celina Hernandez

Not long ago it was the norm in America (and still is in a good part of the world) to be having sex (and having children) at sixteen years old. Our grandparents (or great-grandparents for the younger ladies) were married with several children by the time they were 19-20. And so it has been since the dawn of time up until about 50 years ago.

Awhile back, I was thumbing through my mom’s senior-high yearbook from 1959. These high school seniors looked like 30 year old women. And they acted like it too in many ways. Our immediate foremothers displayed maturity and skillsets in terms of resourcefulness, frugality, wisdom, and homemaking abilities at age 18 that the modern 35 year old American woman would be hard pressed to display. A lot has changed in a short time.

I do not believe that God made a mistake when he designed our bodies to mature fully by the mid teens. This is when we were designed to meet the person we were to marry and begin life together and that has not changed despite our culture changing. The undisputed optimal age biologically for a woman to have a baby is around age 16. This age demonstrates the very best outcomes for mother and baby. Yet we now have women having their first child at age 35 and the age is getting pushed back further and further. And now the expected age of emotional maturity in American society is also being pushed back further and further with “kids” in their 30’s living in their parents’ basements and the inability to launch into adulthood altogether.

Also, the oh-so-common phenomena of the “teenage years” is unique to America and NEW – originating in the last 50 years- referring to the time of intense clashing between parent and child. It has originated because at this age the “child” is not meant to be a child anymore.

It is extremely unnatural to NOT begin having sex at 16 according to the design that God Himself created. We are the ones who have created the crisis of teen sex outside of marriage. We minimize the legitimacy of teenage love/ attachment and label sexuality as something that must be resisted, with no viable alternative of marriage at this now unacceptable age. Teenage love is tritely coined as “puppy love” and when these relationships inevitably end and the teen is utterly devastated we pat them on the head and explain that this heartbreak is a rite of passage. It is not. The love that occurs between two teens at 16 is real and powerful because it is meant to stick for life because God originally designed it that way.

It’s time for us to treat our young people as young adults and acknowledge that they are no longer children when we see them maturing physically and displaying independence. We must guide them to godly independence, encouraging and acknowledging rather than denying. We must raise our expectations of them to their capability, which is far higher than we give them credit for.

The American culture of late age (if any) marriage with impossibly long courtships is a sure recipe for fornication for even the godliest of people. It’s unnatural and nearly impossible. I will be encouraging my children to find godly mates young.

There is nothing wrong with having sex at age 16 if you are married. It is not the age that is the problem. It is that we have stigmatized young people to believe that they are incapable of commitment. Society sold the lie to “live it up” first and not get tied down young. Yet we can look to our grandparents lives – many married at 16 and married for 65 years, and their parents before them and so on. They lived and loved fully and richly, and worked hard, giving their lives beauty and meaning. Instinctively we (society) sense they had it better somehow- that they were more fulfilled despite having less materially and having to work harder- but the “why’s” are elusive to the majority, even to those in the church.

We need to return to God’s order.

Luckily, the “pendulum swings”.

Thus saith the LORD, Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls. But they said, We will not walk therein.
Jeremiah 6:16

Rebellious Women Defraud Their Husbands

Rebellious Women Defraud Their Husbands

The defrauding of one’s husband of sexual intimacy had severe consequences back in the day. A wife who deprived her husband was called rebellious, then sent away and was left destitute. As believers in Jesus Christ, we should never take any of God’s commands to us lightly or frivolously; for we are promised that we will reap what we sow.

All of the biblical translations use the word “deprive” in 1 Corinthians 7:5 except the KJV which uses the word “defraud.” Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

The definition of deprive is “to hinder from possessing or enjoying.” The definition of defraud is “to withhold wrongfully from another what is due to him.” Defraud is a much stronger word than deprive and defrauding our husbands of intimacy should be taken very seriously by all those who claim to love the Lord Jesus Christ.

Gill’s Exposition further explains defraud this way: “it is what both have a right to, and therefore, if either party is denied, it is a piece of injustice.”

A similar verse comes just two verses before this one. It is 1 Corinthians 7:3; Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

Gill’s Exposition interpretation of this verse: “And, likewise also the wife unto the husband; she is not to refuse the use of the bed when required, unless there is some just impediment, otherwise she comes under the name of a ‘rebellious wife’; concerning whom, and her punishment, the Jews give the following rules: a woman that restrains her husband from the use of the bed, is called rebellious; and when they ask her why she rebels, if she says, because it is loathsome to me, and I cannot lie with him; then they oblige him to put her away directly, without her dowry; and she may not take any thing of her husband’s, not even her shoe strings, nor her hair lace; but what her husband did not give her she may take, and go away: and if she rebels against her husband, on purpose to afflict him, and she does to him so or so, and despises him, they send to her from the sanhedrim, and say to her, know thou, that if thou continuest in thy rebellion, thou shalt not prosper? and after that they publish her in the synagogues and schools four weeks, one after another, and say, such an one has rebelled against her husband; and after the publication, they send and say to her, if thou continuest in thy rebellion, thou wilt lose thy dowry; and they appoint her twelve months, and she has no sustenance from her husband all that time; and she goes out at the end of twelve months without her dowry, and returns everything that is her husband’s.”

The reasons noted in 1 Corinthians 7 for getting married in the first place were to “avoid fornication” (7:2) and for lack of self-control (7:5). The Word also tells us that it is better to marry than to burn. God created sex for marriage and when a husband is deprived and defrauded for any reason other than ill-health or injury, a wife is definitely being rebellious and living in sin which is a dangerous place to be in. Please, heed the scripture’s warning, women, and love your husbands as God commands that you love him.

Looking Good for Our Husband!

Looking Good for Our Husband!

It’s a fact: men are more visual than woman. I read that one woman told her husband that she has never been attracted to another man and her husband responded, “Neither have I!” Women can see a man without a shirt on and admire his physique but as one woman shared in the chat room (who has a very honest husband) that when he sees a beautiful and immodestly dressed woman he mentally undresses her and pictures himself having sex with her. Yes, this was before he became a Christian so now he is much more diligent about not allowing his mind to do this but it’s the truth that many men struggle with.

Since we know this about men and if we are married to a man, we should do what we can to stay attractive for our own husband. The Federalist wrote an article called, Staying Fit for Your Husband is One of the Best Gifts You Can Give Him. I agree with this and I am sure a lot of husbands would as well. “The unspeakable truth is this: a spouse’s physical appearance is much more likely to be important to men than women. Maintaining their figures and beauty—through reasonable efforts—is one important way that women can make their husbands happy.”

I began following Danielle Walker (Against All Grain) on Instagram recently. She gained 65 pounds while she was pregnant and soon after her birth, she shared that she had already lost 30 pounds and wanted to lose the rest so she would feel good and look good for her husband. Her  plan was to not eat sugar and eat Paleo. Women went berserk over this and ridiculed her for saying this! “How dare you want to lose weight for a man!”

Instead of being ridiculed, she should have been applauded for wanting to make her husband happy! Women should not be ridiculed for wanting to look good for their husbands or for wanting to please them. Why do we think there are so many divorces today? Even Christian woman don’t make much of an effort to look good and serve their husbands because selfishness and “it’s all about me” is the motto of our day and age.

Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world (Titus 2:12).

We are not talking about being skinny or looking like a model. No, we are talking about eating healthy, exercising, eating only your portion (not overeating), and looking the best you can with what you have been blessed with. It’s called moderation and being temperate in all things which we, as believers, are called to do. Knowing that it’s important for your husband should give you even more incentive to stay in shape and look pretty for him (not in sweats and a t-shirt all day long).

 I can’t tell you how important accountability is in this battle against weight. Weighing yourself consistently is vital and even telling someone is good. Yes, it’s difficult but important to stay vigilant and it’s a lot easier to eat smaller portions and lose weight if you only have a few pounds to go rather than having many pounds to go. If you say you don’t have the discipline and self-control, you are lying to yourself. If you are a believe in Christ, one of the fruits of the spirit is self-control so Jesus inside of you has the self-control to eat less and lose some weight!

She that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
1 Corinthians 7:34

Do I Promote Marital Rape?

Do I Promote Marital Rape?

For the past six years, I have published a post almost every day. I love writing, researching, and mentoring women in the ways of godly womanhood. The past few days, my viral post has gone viral again and a few other posts have as well. As of right now, my Facebook page has received two and a half million hits. I want to discuss one of the posts that has gone viral since I am being accused of promoting marital rape from this post:

I believe in God’s Word. I want to live in obedience to it; for it is the least I can do. God commands us to not deprive our spouse sexually in 1 Corinthians 7:5 so I teach women to not deprive their husbands sexually. Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control (1 Corinthians 7:5). This isn’t marital rape. God doesn’t say that husbands should force their wives to have sex. He commands the wives to not deprive their husbands and husbands not to deprive their wives for lack of self-control.

 This is teaching women to lovingly serve their husbands and submit to them. We reap what we sow. If we sow love and good-will towards our husbands, we will most likely reap love and good-will from them. There is nothing evil about this. Plus, I only teach women, therefore, every single thing you read on my blog and Facebook page is geared towards women.

Most women, unfortunately, are in rebellion to the Lord’s ways. They want to go their own way and do their own thing. They don’t want anyone to tell them what to do, especially as it concerns their husbands because they are supposedly liberated. Liberated from what? Being good, cheerful, and loving wives?

“Normally some eighty-six percent of all divorces in America are gotten by wives, with not over fourteen percent gotten by husband…It seems certain that the greatest single cause of unhappiness in homes and of divorce is rebellion on the part of the wife…Wives cannot win their husband either for the Lord or for themselves if they do not learn to submit to their husbands and obey them. Real godliness in a Christian woman will enable her to do what God has required of her, yielding submission and loving obedience to her husband.” (Dr. John Rice)

Submission isn’t forced. Not depriving our husbands of sex is not forced. Obedience to the Lord and to our husbands isn’t forced. They are given freely and in love. If Christ asks us to carry our cross and be willing to even die for Him, the least we can do is to be sacrificially willing to make our husbands happy by not depriving them sexually.

It’s a choice we make. “Where the will goes, the heart will follow. God will help any woman’s heart to love her husband if she will turn her will to the obedience which God commands…Wives, love your husbands; and if that seems hard, obey them, and let God put love in your hearts.

Let the wife see that she makes home happy. What God requires is not a cold and austere obedience. What husbands want is not the meticulous service of a slave. A husband wants devotion, wants sincere heart desire to please and make him happy. The wife whose love is often spoken and always shown by her service, the normal and proper need of admiration and praise and deference to the head of the home, will find her cares richly repaid.

Wife, is it hard to love your husband? You loved him once! You found then certain qualities of mind, certain attractive ways that seemed to you irresistible. And if you let him go, some other woman will find him just as attractive and brave and wonderful as once you thought him. Why not let him be your lover? Why not forgive the wrong, forget the past, and set out to love where you ought to love? God will make home sweet, and love will blossom again, when Christians do right.” (Dr. John Rice)

This is God’s perfect plan for us, women. Yes, it’s completely foreign to most Christian women today, since they don’t study the Bible for themselves and they don’t have older women who are obeying Titus 2:4, 5: teaching the younger women to love and obey their husbands. These are God’s instructions to you. They are not mine; they are God’s. If you refuse to obey them, you will not enjoy the blessings on your life that God has for you such as peace, joy, and a good marriage. Choose God’s ways.

I will be taking the next week or so off from posting anything on my blog. If you have privately messaged or emailed me, I will reply to you in a week or so. It’s the perfect time for me to take a break, step back from the thousands of vile comments being written on my Facebook page, and simply enjoy life with my family and friends. Blessings to you all!

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Proverbs 3:5, 6

Her Sunny, Gladness Bringing Presence

Her Sunny, Gladness Bringing Presence

If you are married to a disobedient husband, you are not alone! Read about Abigail’s husband. Now the name of the man was Nabal; and the name of his wife Abigail: and she was a woman of good understanding, and of a beautiful countenance: but the man was churlish and evil in his doings; and he was of the house of Caleb (1 Samuel 25:3).

 I loved the description of Abigail so I thought I would study it further since she didn’t seem to lose her “beautiful countenance” even though she was married to a “churlish” (selfish, unfeeling, rude, rough in temper) man.

Elliot’s Commentary had this to say about her: “Her name, too, which signifies ‘whose father is joy,’ was most likely given her by the villagers on her husband’s estate, as expressive of her sunny, gladness-bringing presence. Her early training, and the question respecting the sources whence she derived her wisdom and deep, far-sighted piety.”

Whenever I read about a woman with a sunny and cheerful disposition, I think to myself how much I want to be known for this but the unique quality about Abigail was that she was able to keep this beautiful attitude in spite of being married to an evil man. How? She put her hope and trust in the living God and not upon her husband or the state of her marriage. Therefore, she was able to keep her joy in the Lord and bring gladness to others.

Look what the Apostle Paul wrote while he was in a prison dungeon. Rejoice in the Lord always: and again I say, Rejoice (Philippians 4:4). We can’t hope to find our joy and happiness in our circumstances, our husband or marriage because these will at times cause us conflict, heartache, and/or sorrow but Christ never will. He is the same yesterday, today, and always.

My viral post is going viral again. It’s tragic to see how many angry, mean, and crass women there are today. They have no clue what being women of discretion and goodness looks like. The words that are being written on my Facebook page in the past few days are disgusting. Foul language spews out of their mouths and they have no problem ridiculing and trying to destroy others. I can tell you one thing about them, they have no joy. They aren’t cheerful because they can’t be happy while being so angry. They feed on being cruel and unfeminine while going around with a scowl on their faces and hating the ways of the Lord.

This type of behavior should have no part of our lives, women. When we disagree with someone, no foul word should ever exit our mouths. We are to be defined by kindness and speaking the truth in love. We are to hate what is evil and cling to what is good; for when we are clinging to the good, we will most likely be cheerful and joyful as we remind ourselves that the joy of the Lord is our strength.

I watched a movie the other day about a sad and disheartened man who began to spend time with a very cheerful woman. She changed him and it wasn’t by trying to control him. Her sunny disposition brought joy and happiness into his life. Do you bring joy and happiness into your husband’s life and other’s? Being joyful is a choice you make each and every moment. You can’t be joyful if you are critical and controlling so give up those ways and choose joy! Sing and make melody in your hearts unto the Lord even if you are married to a churlish husband or in difficult circumstance.

A merry heart doeth good like a medicine.
Proverbs 17:22