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When His Life is Out of Control

When His Life is Out of Control

TheJoyFilledWife and her husband went through some difficult times in their marriage. Her husband was deeply addicted to pornography and it was devastating to her. Often, addictions, such as this, make those who are addicted mean and controlling. During this time, her husband agreed to see a counselor with her and this counselor turned out to be amazing. It’s almost impossible to find one who will teach the hard truths to the husband and the wife but the one they found did. Here are some things she wrote to me about her counselor and what she learned.

You couldn’t be more correct that counselors, like the one we had, are very rare indeed. In fact, my husband and I saw several counselors before we came to the one that the Lord used mightily. They are a gift from God and I never took that for granted for a second.

Truth be told, our counselors were introduced to us through an association that we keep. I would love to share more about them, but that would make it impossible for me to keep my identity anonymous. I may ask them if they recommend any resources for people who are in need of some truly Godly counsel.

One bit of material my husband and I went through individually is the workbook “The Mind of Christ” by T.W. Hunt. I warn you – it is not for the faint of heart! Much like “The Excellent Wife” book, it will challenge you to your core. It will turn you inside out and expose all the sins inside of your heart that you thought weren’t even that big of a deal. Even if your spouse refuses to seek counsel, I recommend that you do this workbook on your own if you want the Lord to do a mighty work in your heart.

The workbook is not easy to find. I had to search on Amazon in the used section to get it. Sometimes it’s available and sometimes it’s not. It will blow your mind and could even overwhelm you, if you don’t seek the Lord’s guidance as you go through it. Ask the Lord to work through each sin in your heart one by one. I couldn’t recommend this enough to the believer who desperately wants a heart and mind transformation to become more like Christ.

My counselor explained to me that my husband felt like his life was out of control and that my rebelling against his unreasonable micromanaging would serve no purpose but to feed the desire to control more. They emphasized the importance of me always checking my heart and that I needed to remain as “behind the scenes” in my habits that angered him as much as possible. If I insisted on putting up a fight, even though he was unreasonable, it would only serve to drive him further away out of feeling like he also was losing his authority in his marriage. I decided to keep snacks in my bathroom drawer and my purse so I could take a few bites while I went out to get the mail or was in the other room. Was he unreasonable to become upset about me eating a slice of bread four hours after my last meal? Yes. But my counselor helped me see that I needed to avoid being a distraction as God worked on my husband’s heart. My husband apologized to me later that night for being controlling about the bread.

Because my husband’s addiction caused him to become a man he wasn’t proud of, he would often take his inner frustrations with himself and project them verbally onto me. He would blame me for things I had no part in, would become angry that I didn’t meet an expectation he had failed to communicate to me, and, on one occasion, belittled me in front of our guests for not having dinner completely ready when he walked through the door with them, even though he had failed to call me and let me know they were heading over, as agreed upon.

My counselor explained to me that my husband was projecting his feelings of failure and inadequacy onto me because he was not happy with himself and the choices he was making. Pornography addictions are built upon a foundation of selfishness and it was easier for my husband to shift blame than to own up to his own failures, when he already was overwhelmed by the shame of his failure to resist his sinful addiction for so long. The counselor guided me to not respond to my husband in front of others or to fight with him when he lashed out at me. Instead, I was to calmly and firmly explain to him, privately, that I was not responsible for the failure he was angry about and how it made me feel when he belittled me in front of others. After that, I was not to carry on or get into an argument, no matter how much he wanted to fight. The counselor warned me to keep my heart and spirit in the right place in these situations, so the devil would not gain a foothold with me and perpetuate the situation further. I was to be an instrument of peace. Not a doormat to walk all over, but a wife with inner strength that uses her tongue to impart peace amidst the war within my husband’s heart.

My husband was very unhelpful with our children during the time of beginning to overcome his addiction and would gripe if I asked him for even a small favor. I did not ask him often, but there were times when I was incapable of accomplishing two things at once and he would refuse to help out. My counselor showed me that taking care of the children was my God-given responsibility and that I could show my husband respect and build him up as a husband by taking on all of the responsibilities in this area and thanking him for how hard he works to provide for us.

I’ll never forget the counselor’s first words to me when I asked what I should do when my husband refuses to help: “Don’t fight a battle that’s not worth dying for!” Those words rang over and over again in my head. God had bigger things to work on in my husband’s heart than unhelpfulness. I did not need to dwell on the smaller things and make them as big a priority as the serious stuff. The small stuff would be ironed out over time after the Lord refined my husband and helped him break the chains of his addiction. We are currently at the place where God is working on the medium to small things now and it has been such a blessing to come home now from running errands to children that have been bathed and put to bed!

During the progression and height of my husband’s addiction, I was denied sexually almost every single time I asked. There was always an excuse made why he couldn’t do it. Usually he would say that he was too tired or in a bad mood, even though he would stay up for hours afterward doing other things. I tried not to nag him about this, but did come to him several different times and let him know that I was struggling greatly with temptation from lack of intimacy in our marriage. He would simply respond, “Maybe in the morning.”

My counselor explained to me that, while my husband was clearly sinning by defrauding me, the selfishness that comes from porn addictions, as well as the fact that he was already meeting his sexual needs through that outlet, was responsible for his sin in refusing me. He had trained his mind to mentally “dispose” of images that no longer excited him in search of a more exciting image. When you train your brain to become aroused by two dimensional images, it’s a lot harder to be interested in your real life relationship with your wife. It had nothing to do with my value as a person or my physical attractiveness, but he literally trained his brain to seek arousal and fulfillment from things that will never satisfy.

When he had just met his own sexual desires in sinful ways, he no longer felt a need for intimacy with me. As hard as it was to do, my counselor told me that when I felt temptation coming on, to go into the other room after my husband falls asleep and work out as hard as I can to release excess energy. Once I finished that, I should spend time in the Word and in prayer for myself and my husband. I needed to memorize Scripture and inundate my mind with the Truth. That was the only way to resist the enemy.

Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.
1 Corinthians 15:58

*You can read more of TheJoyFilledWife’s posts HERE.

A Husband Bears NO Responsibility For His Wife’s Submission

A Husband Bears NO Responsibility For His Wife’s Submission

It’s much easier to put the responsibility of a wife submitting to her husband on the husband’s shoulder. After all, most marriage books and pastors teach that if a husband is loving his wife as Christ loves the Church, then it will be easy for a wife to submit to her husband. Or if the husband meets all of his wife’s “needs” then she will willingly submit.

Here is how many preachers/teachers of the Word teach biblical submission: “When husbands are doing what God commands them to do in their marriage and they are doing it rightly and biblically, most wives love it and are happy to respond to it enthusiastically.” Therefore, the wife’s submission is incumbent upon the husband’s behavior. Our obedience to God is NEVER dependent upon someone else! It’s our responsibility to obey God regardless of the circumstances we are in and putting the burden on the husband simply makes it easier for women to shirk their obedience in this area. She then becomes the determiner of whether or not he is worthy of her submission. It is never the husband’s fault if the wife isn’t submitting to him. It’s her fault alone.

I have mentored women for many years. Many of these women are married to kind and gentle Mr. Steady’s but these women wore the pants and were very unhappy with their husbands. Most women’s natural inclination is to want to be in control and be discontent with their husbands. Once they learned true biblical submission, that it has absolutely zero to do with a husband’s behavior, then they learn to appreciate their husbands’ good qualities and begin to submit to them out of obedience to the Lord.

If it were true that wives should only submit to their husbands when their husbands love them as Christ is loving the Church, then what about 1 Peter 3:1? Wives who are married to husbands that are disobedient to the Word are to win their husbands how? by living in subjection to their husbands. So this blows that theory out of the water!

No, a husband can’t make his wife submit to him unless he is cruel and uses force which is wrong. He can tell her to submit to him as her leader but true submission must come from a decision by the wife to obey God even when it’s hard. Obedience to God isn’t easy in our wicked world. Living godly, set apart lives isn’t easy. Walking on the narrow path that leads to life isn’t easy. Living our lives to love and serve others, even our enemies, isn’t easy. No. And for ministers of the Word to water down biblical submission and tell women that their husbands should make it easy for them to submit goes against the clear teachings of the Word. They need to read and study 1 Peter 2.

“For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps: Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth: Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again: when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously” (1 Peter 2:21-23).

A wife’s submission is not always easy. It’s giving up her rights for his. It’s giving up control and allowing her husband to be the leader. Yes, some husbands are a lot easier to submit to than others but this has no bearing on whether or not a wife should submit or not. If she wants to live a life of obedience to her Lord and Savior, she willingly and lovingly submits to her God-ordained authority, her husband, regardless of his behavior.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Ephesians 5:22-24

Feeling Guilty For Having Sex After Married

Feeling Guilty For Having Sex After Married

Hollywood makes sex out to be absolutely amazing with fireworks the very first time a couple has sex so young people grow up to believe that it must be amazing always, UNLESS they are raised in a godly home by Christian parents. I was out to lunch with some friends the other day and they were all taught to be pure until marriage. They taught their children the same thing. The problem was that they weren’t taught that sex was supposed to be fun and enjoyable once married and they didn’t teach their children, either, so on their honeymoons and for a while after, it was difficult for them to enjoy sex because it was always forbidden in their minds and they felt guilt.

I asked the women in the chat room if any of them were raised this way and felt guilt once they were married and had sex, since I had never heard of this before. I was raised by a mom who clearly let us know that sex was wonderful in marriage and we taught our children the same. Many of the women in the chat room said that they did have guilt feelings concerning sex after marriage and it seems to come from the lack of being taught by their parents.

One woman wrote, “I was raised this way. Sex was never talked about except in terms of waiting till marriage. When I got married, I very much enjoyed sex, however, I had a feeling of guilt I couldn’t shake for probably a few months, like I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to do. I’m determine to have much more open conversations with my daughter.”

Another one wrote, “Yes! I was definitely raised this way and I’ve been married 17 years and still sometimes feel guilty or feel like a bad person when I do have sex with my husband. My mom made me so afraid to have sex that when I actually did (I waited until I was married), I was terrified of it.”

Yet another, “I was told very little but I knew you weren’t supposed to have sex before marriage and my mother said that once you’re married, ‘Everything is okay.’ I didn’t know what ‘everything’ was but I knew it wasn’t bad. Labels like ‘pure UNTIL marriage’ contribute to this issue. I think we are so used to them that we don’t realize what we’re saying. Yes, we are to be pure before marriage but sex in marriage IS pure. We need to teach our children that married sex is an extension of purity and not the end of it.”

The following comment was written by a wise, older woman named Paula on this YouTube about sex after marriage and children: “You treated this subject very tastefully, Kathryn, and this is the opinion from a 70 year old~~not quite Victorian woman! I would like to add that physical intimacy does not always have to be WOW to be beautiful, good for a couple’s health and closeness, and to be rewarding. Just having each other and being able to hold and love each other is a gift. You did not mention performing, but I think some people think that is necessary. Love and caring are key.

“Also, women need to appreciate that their husbands like their bodies and not try to hide them or be embarrassed by them. Do not make negative statements to your husband about your body, and be grateful for any compliments, even when you do not see it the way he sees it. In this case, remembering that ‘love is blind’ is helpful! One more tip, if you will: asking God to give you grace to bless your husband in this way, even while experiencing physical intimacy. This is a prayer He will gladly answer with a ‘yes’.”

Mothers, it’s your responsibility to be open with your children about sex at the proper age. It’s usually when they begin asking questions. You don’t have to go into details (unless they are asking right before they get married) but let them know that they are to be pure before marriage and make sure they know all of the benefits to this. God’s commands are ALWAYS for our best! Then, tell them how wonderful sex is after marriage and how God created it for us to enjoy. Teach your children to not deprive their spouse since this is a command from God (1 Corinthians 7:5).

Make sure your daughters know how very important sex will be to their husbands and that they need to be available to them even if there are times, like after birth, that they must be creative. Help them to make the decision in their minds that this will be a priority in their lives. They need to understand that their husbands should not take the place of a back burner once their children are born. If they have time to watch their favorite TV show or scroll through Facebook, then they have time to bring pleasure to their husband!

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.  A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.
Proverbs 5:18, 19
Are You Like Sarah’s Daughter or Lot’s Daughter?

Are You Like Sarah’s Daughter or Lot’s Daughter?

Abraham “hearkened to the voice of Sarah” (Genesis 16:2) and slept with her maid because Sarah couldn’t bear children. She thought this was a good plan but nothing good came from it. Hopefully, she learned her lesson to not try to manipulate her husband after this. Twice she obeyed Abraham when he asked her to lie and tell people that she was his sister because he feared for his life. Both times, God protected her while in the Kings’ harems.

One day, the LORD came and visited Abraham. Abraham wanted to feed the LORD and the two men who were with him. He went to Sarah and said this to her, “Make ready quickly three measures of fine meal, knead it, and make cakes upon the hearth” (Genesis 18:6).  He didn’t say “Please” or even “Can you do this for me?” No, he told her what to do and I imagine she obeyed him immediately and made the bread. Most wives would not like being told what to do by their husbands in this way!

Then we look at Lot’s wife. Two angels came to Lot’s house to warn him of the impending doom on the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. Lot begged them to come into his home and “he made them a feast, and did bake unleavened bread, and they did eat it” (Genesis 19:3). Where was Lot’s wife? Why didn’t she make the bread? (After so many years of teaching women biblical womanhood, I notice these things quickly!) If Lot had told his wife to make bread for the guests, would she have obeyed him? I doubt it since she was known for her disobedience.

Lot and his family were corrupted by the cities in which they lived. When the men wanted to have sex with the two angels, Lot offered his two daughters instead. Lot tried to get his two sons-in-law to go with him to flee the cities but they mocked him. In the morning before the devastation, the angels tried to get Lot to hurry up but he and his family “lingered” so the two angels grabbed their hands to get them to leave. More disobedience. They were told to not look back at the city and escape to the mountains. God rained brimstone and fire from the heavens and Lot’s wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt. She was a rebellious wife and didn’t obey God nor did she seem to be a help meet to her husband.

Then instead of fleeing to the mountains as Lot was instructed, he fled to a small town for a while but shortly afterwards, he fled to the mountains as originally instructed. Later, his daughters got him drunk and had sex with him because they wanted children. No, Lot and his family are examples of “bad company corrupting good morals” (1 Corinthians 15:33) when living in and immersing oneself into the wicked culture around them.

 Lot’s wife and his daughters were disobedient, but this is what the Apostle Peter wrote about Sarah in 1 Peter 3:6, “Even as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.” When God told Abraham to go, he went and Sarah followed, living in tents and wandering in the wilderness for many years. As godly women, our greatest desire is to walk in obedience to the LORD. It’s the least we can do for Him after all He’s done and is doing for us. Therefore, we obey our husbands and call them lord. Well, most husbands probably won’t want to be called lord but we should at least treat them as our earthly lord, with obedience and reverence as commanded by God.

Lot’s wife is only known for not serving her husband and disobeying God. Sarah is known for serving her husband and obeying God. She adorned herself by “being in subjection to [her] own husband” (1 Peter 3:5). Are you more like Lot’s daughters or Sarah’s daughters? Lot’s wife and daughters’ were earthly minded and did what was right in their own eyes and Sarah was heavenly minded and obeyed God.

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
Proverbs 31:10

*Susan Rios Painting

Desiring to Promote Your Husband’s Happiness

Desiring to Promote Your Husband’s Happiness

Let’s study God’s instructions to us about sexual relations in a marriage. 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 shows us clearly what these are. If you don’t like them, you will have to take it up with the LORD since I am simply teaching what He commands.

“Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband.” God forbids all sexual relationships outside of marriage. He wants one man to marry one woman. This is His plan for us. “For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh” (Matthew 19:5). What this means is that sex is a very important part of marriage. It helps us to avoid fornication. Marriage is a safe and holy place where a man and woman can enjoy each other’s bodies.

“Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.” What does due benevolence mean? The 1828 Webster Dictionary defines it this way: “The disposition to do good; good will; kindness; charitableness; a desire to promote another’s happiness.” Do you desire to promote your husband’s happiness? Do you have a disposition to do him good? Do you show him kindness? Men enjoy sex. IF you want to promote your husband’s happiness, do him good, and show him kindness, you will be available to him sexually.

Years ago, a bunch of my friends went on a trip together and during one dinner, we were talking about how often we have sex with our husbands. We had all been married for many years by this time so we were considered older women. One of the women piped up, “We have it every day!” Another woman asked her why and she quickly responded, “Because it makes him happy!” This woman promotes her husband’s happiness. I know this man. He is very happy with his wife!

“The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.” Your husband has power over your body, women. Most women recoil at this idea. They want to be in control of their own body but God tells us that our husbands have power over our bodies. Therefore, we are not selfish with our bodies. We allow our husbands to freely enjoy our bodies. We don’t insist on having sex in the dark. Men are visual and your husband likes to see your naked body. Be naked and unashamed with your husband. This pleases God.

“Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.” Defraud means to “deprive of right; to withhold wrongfully from another what is due to him; to defeat or frustrate wrongfully.” When you withhold sex from your husband, you are defrauding him and depriving him of what is rightfully his. This is sin, women. So many women do this to their husbands. I know. Ken hears from them often. This must not be the case with us! You are frustrating your husband wrongfully when you do this and withholding what is due him.

Look at the last phrase in this verse and why we should never deprive our husbands: “that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.” This means that if we are withholding sex from our husbands, we are allowing Satan to tempt them. Do you want Satan to tempt your husband to look at porn or go have an affair? NO! Now, this is no guarantee that if you are available to him sexually, he won’t look at porn or have an affair BUT we are only accountable for our own actions and as far as it depends upon us, we don’t want to do anything that will allow Satan to tempt our husbands sexually.

God created sex for marriage to bring pleasure and produce children. This is very good. Satan distorts what God calls good, uses sex to destroy people’s lives, and convinces women to prevent having children. Satan has completely divorced sex from marriage and sex from having children in our culture. This is not from God. Sex is good and to be thoroughly enjoyed by married couples. Children are good and a beautiful fruit from sex between married couples. All of God’s ways are good, and acceptable, and perfect!

She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.
Proverbs 31:12

Discontentment is a Marriage Killer

Discontentment is a Marriage Killer

Divorce always begins with seeds of discontentment planted in our minds by ourselves or others. Feminism flourished because it appealed to wives’, mothers’, and homemakers’ discontentment. “We can no longer ignore that voice within women that says: ‘I want something more than my husband and my children and my home.'” (Betty Friedan, The Feminine Mystique)

As soon as we allow discontentment into our thought life, we are on the path to nowhere good. “He is not as romantic as he should be.” “He doesn’t treat me kindly all the time.” “I am not happy.” “He ignores me too much.” “He watches too much TV.” “He doesn’t help me with housework and the children enough.” “I am bored at home.” “I could accomplish so much more than simply raising these children.” “There’s got to be more to life than housework.” And on and on the list of discontentment goes.

Discontentment comes when we stop being thankful: discontentment for the life we have, the husband we married, the children we are called to raise, the home we live in, and the blessings we have been given. In Romans 1:21, we are told that being unthankful is the beginning of turning away from God and living a life of sin: “Because that, when they knew God, they glorified him not as God, neither were thankful.”

Discontentment is self-pity and as Oswald Chambers wrote, “Self-pity is satanic.” Feminism hasn’t made women happier and more content. No, it’s made them more unhappy, discontent, and full of self-pity. Life and our circumstances aren’t about making us happy. They are about making us more like Christ.

Eve stopped being thankful for the position that God put her into in the garden and seeds of discontentment were placed in her mind that reaped tragic consequences. Satan beguiled her with the question: “Hath God said….?” His desire is to kill, steal, and destroy. He wants women asking, “Hath God really said that young women are to marry, bear children, and guide the home? Hath God said that women should be keepers at home and silent in the churches? Hath God said that wives are to be submissive to their husbands in everything?” Feminism is simply acting as Satan’s agent of destruction.

If a woman believes she is “dying inside” and blames it on her husband, she has made her husband an idol instead of finding her satisfaction and fulfillment in Christ. Women naturally rebel against their husbands (Genesis 3:16) and try to find fault with them so we must always be on guard against doing this. God wouldn’t have had to tell us so many times in His Word for us to submit to our husbands if it came naturally and easy for us.

Discontentment among women in marriage is a common malady today since 70 – 80% of divorces are initiated by women. We must constantly be aware of this in us, women. We must do everything we can to fight against Satan’s questions and doubts he tries to plant in our minds and put on the full armor of God every day. Remember to be continually renewing your minds with the truth of God’s Word and taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. Let the Word of God dwell in you richly, meaning frequently meditating, reading, and studying the Bible.

Learning contentment is a deliberate choice, as believers in Jesus Christ, to be joyful and content and to love our husbands as stated in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, even if we aren’t feeling loved by or love for them. It’s learning to say, “The JOY of the LORD is our strength” and believing it. It’s learning to live for the Lord and His glory, not our own.

Be thankful. Dwell on the good and the lovely. Live a life of service to others. Rejoice. Count your blessings. Learn contentment in God’s good, and acceptable, and perfect will for you! Never allow discontentment to kill your marriage.

But godliness with contentment is great gain.
1 Timothy 6:6

No One Ever Told Her to Marry and Bear Children

No One Ever Told Her to Marry and Bear Children

Young women are made to believe they can have everything they want but almost always, they find out the hard way that they can’t. On the Dennis Prager show last Friday, a young man called in and related a story about this issue. He was out on a business lunch and a woman in her forties sat next to him. She was a very successful business woman. Somehow the topic of marriage and motherhood came up and she sadly said, “I missed out on being a wife and mother.” The young man asked her, “Why didn’t you get married when you were young?” She answered, “No one ever told me.”

Dennis immediately replied, “NO ONE tells young women to get married! NO ONE!” (I was driving down to the airport by myself and I was raising my hand and exclaiming to the radio, “I do! I do!”) Then Dennis added, “If anyone does teach young women to marry, they are accused of patriarchy.” Young women who don’t read my blog or maybe a few others blogs, and have never read the following verse commanded by God, will never hear anyone telling them to marry and bear children. “I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully” (1 Timothy 5:14).

Most churches aren’t teaching this, although, I remember listening to a sermon John MacArthur gave years ago and he sure was telling the young people in his congregation to get married but I think it’s a rare pastor who will teach this these days. “Oh, that verse (1 Timothy 5:14) doesn’t mean what it says…” they will say and try to make us believe that it isn’t relevant for young women today.

No, most young women are taught to seek higher education, get a career, travel, and just have fun. God commands young women to marry, bear children, and guide the home but few are willing to speak these words aloud. I love seeing young women on Facebook using their platform to teach women about biblical womanhood. They get mocked and ridiculed by the many feminists in their midst but they don’t care. They know they are spreading God’s truth and His ways are good, and acceptable, and perfect (Romans 12:2).

I know there are some young women who are reading this post who are in their late twenties or maybe even thirties. They would love to get married but no godly man has asked them to marry. What about them? My encouragement to them is to wait upon the Lord. I would have loved for all of my children to be married by their early twenties like Ken and me, but it didn’t happen. Two of them were 24 and the other two were 27 when they got married. It was all in God’s perfect timing BUT those single women must make themselves available where godly men can find them. Go to big churches in their area. If friends or family want to set them up with someone they think would be perfect for them, GO! Even if it has failed many times before. This may be the one!

The most important thing, however, is to learn to be content while being single. Paul had to learn contentment in a prison. You need to learn to be content while single just as married women who can’t have children need to learn to be content and mothers who are busy doing the same thing day after day with little children need to learn contentment. Older women like me with no children in the home and who can get lonely, we even need to learn contentment. You will be much more attractive to a godly man if you are cheerful and content!

I will continue to teach young women to get married! It seems to be a dying institution in our culture. My parent’s generation all got married in their early twenties and immediately began having children. Many in my generation got married in their early to mid-twenties and began having babies shortly after marriage. This generation is not doing either of these! I know many children my children’s ages who are not married or if they are, they aren’t haven’t children. NO ONE is teaching them.

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
1 Timothy 5:14

A Legacy of Love

A Legacy of Love

In my book and in previous posts, I have shared how my parents didn’t get along when I was growing up. There was little harmony between them but a lot of contention instead. However, in the last few years of my mom’s life when my dad was taking care of my mom, she deeply grieved for the way she had treated my dad all those years. She grew to greatly appreciate him and saw what a kind, loving man he was as he tenderly cared for her. In fact, a few months before her death, my sisters and I were complaining about our dad (which I know is wrong) and she came out and scolded us!

One of the last conversations that I had with her, she was telling me that there was a strange man in the house and it frightened her. I asked her who it was and she told me it was my dad. She said after a few hours, she realized it was her beloved and was so heartbroken that she didn’t recognize this man that she loved so much. She died within ten days of this event so she was spared ever losing her mind completely which we are so thankful for.

In their family room, they have a huge blown up picture of all of the family with my two sisters, our husbands, our children (their grandchildren), their spouses (the last two are newly engaged so their spouses aren’t in the picture), and all of their great grandchildren. (It is also missing the many new little additions to the family since it was taken a few years ago!) They love this picture and looked at it often, exclaiming how blessed they were. When I was in high school, my mom mentioned divorcing my dad but thankfully, she never did or else this picture would have never been taken with the two of them in the center of it cuddled together. Many people at her funeral commented on the beautiful legacy she left.

Our legacy isn’t in the stuff we leave behind. No, it’s in the love we have invested in the lives of our family and those around us that we leave behind. My mom and dad have left a legacy of love. No, they didn’t have a good marriage during most of their 66 years of married life but they are both so thankful they stayed together and were blessed because of it.

My dad has told me several times that every day he has made a commitment to pray for the thirteen couples to will walk faithfully with the LORD and that their marriages will be strong until death do they part. He knows if they do, there’s a good chance that his great grandchildren will grow up to walk in truth and this is all that matters!

I know a lot of you are in difficult marriages. Do everything in your power to keep it together if at all possible. Live in submission to your husband. Don’t argue with him. Make a decision to love him through the good times and the bad times. Love is a choice and an action. Be a covenant keeper. Find your comfort and strength in the LORD; for God is love. Leave a legacy of love.

But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:3

Accepting Mediocrity in Motherhood, Marriage, and Faith

Accepting Mediocrity in Motherhood, Marriage, and Faith

Written By Hayden Ritchie From Hippie Hayden

This post is very atypical of my usual kind. But, it is something that has been weighing very heavily in my mind for the past two months or so, that I’ve decided it’s worth sharing with the internet.

There’s a trend in society right now, especially all over social media, to accept mediocrity. Specifically, mediocrity in motherhood, marriage, and faith.

As a younger woman, I’m very troubled by the lack of Titus Two mentorship exhibited or offered by older women, but also by younger women who foolishly brush off seeking wise council or who easily fall prey to ungodly council. I see younger women who DO want to strive for righteousness but are often mocked by seasoned mothers/married women who have accepted mediocrity that “your expectations are too high” or “the higher you place yourself, the harder you will fall” or “just wait till you have kids, then you’ll understand.” There’s a myriad of ungodly excuses I’ve personally heard that are all the more distressing. Yes, there are probably cases where expectations are too high, but better striving for excellence than just okay. After all, the Bible has things to say about striving for excellence.

We’ve got an onslaught of ungodly ideologies and advice hurling itself at us via social media all day. Things like….

• You need booze/wine at the end of every day to tolerate your family/children, when the Bible specifically admonishes older women to instruct the younger to be sober minded.

• It’s perfectly fine if we haven’t done much all day; we’re a mess, the house is a wreck, and the children are running amuck, so long as they’re fed (dry cereal).

• Anything the world offers takes priority over your family.

• Women are incapable of lying, so believe all of them regardless always.

• Gossiping is fine.

• You need all these shiny things to make your life easier and happier or make your kid’s lives easier and happier.

• Being financially irresponsible is cute or funny. Max out those credit cards, girl!

There are many more bullet points I could make but those hit the big ones.

With all that garbage fed to us regularly, we are in desperate need of stable, firm-footed, godly women who are more than willing to point out sin and ungodliness, but also who will encourage those who are striving for excellence and raising a higher bar for themselves and their families. If many older women are falling prey to these wicked ideas, will those of us who are younger fleeing these things have to fend for ourselves?

I’ve watched women I once admired accept and defend ungodly ideologies, practices, and political propaganda only to justify their newfound beliefs without scripture. I’ve watched them fall prey to ungodly “teachers” who preached a false god and now publicly accept these heretics. I’ve watched them slowly morph into something I don’t want to become myself and as a result had to distance myself as necessary. After all, show me your friends’ character and I’ll show you your future.

I recognize without a doubt that people are fallen and will make mistakes. I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about women who have turned their back, seemingly so, to everything they once held dear, their first love.

I have a rubric of sorts that helps me identify if an older women is one I want counseling me or someone I want to keep close company with. I also use this to identify whether or not just about any female is sound company. *not in any specific order of importance*

1. Do her (older) children rise and call her blessed? If so, great! If not, why?

2. Does her husband also rise and called her blessed and praise her publicly? Does his heart trust in her? If so, great! If not why?

3. Do her (older) children follow the path in the way they should go and do not seek to depart from it? A sign that they’ve been well-trained and admonished in the Lord? If so, great! If not, why?

4. Does she worry and exude anxiousness? Or is she steady in the sovereignty of the Lord trusting him for the future? If so, great! If not, why?

5. Is she wise financially? Or does she frivolously spend her families hard earned money? Is she materialistic? If no, great! If yes, why?

6. Does she do her family good and not harm? If yes, great! If not, why?

7. Does she manage her home and family affairs well? Or are things in disarray and chaotic? If managed well, great! If not, why?

8. Does she fear the Lord? If yes, great! If not, run.

9. Is her husband sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness? If so, great! If not, why?

10. Does her husband teach what accords with sound doctrine and does she affirm this? If so, great! If not, why?

11. Is she prone to slander, gossip, and drinking too much wine or other alcohol? If no, great! If yes, run.

12. Does she posses a teachable spirit herself? Does she receive instruction/correction with a contrite spirit and quickly ask for forgiveness when necessary?

13. Does she affirm Titus 2:4, 5? If so, great! If not, RUN!

“For the grace of God has appeared, bringing salvation for all people, training us to renounce ungodliness and worldly passions, and to live self-controlled, upright, and godly lives in the present age, waiting for our blessed hope, the appearing of the glory of our great God and Savior Jesus Christ, who gave himself for us to redeem us from all lawlessness and to purify for himself a people for his own possession who are zealous for good works. Declare these things; exhort and rebuke with all authority. Let no one disregard you.”
‭‭Titus‬ ‭2:11-15‬ ‭

We as women, desperately need Godly fellowship and desperately need older women willing to speak boldly over the lies culture speaks, even though they are so far from popular truths.

To those of you who already do this, thank you! Thank you for being steadfast ♥️

Warnings Against the Feminization of America

Warnings Against the Feminization of America

People all over America will go to the polls in a week from tomorrow and vote. I have heard women proclaim that people had to fight and die for women to have the right to vote as if this were a God-ordained right. This isn’t true. There was never any civil war over this issue nor is it a God-ordained right. Women “fought” (meaning they left their homes, raised their voices, and shouted for their “rights”) for the right to vote since they felt they knew better than men. They didn’t trust men to lead them in the right way. They wanted to be leaders and run things.

In 1920, this poster was made by the Southern’s Women’s League For Rejection of the Susan B. Anthony Amendment against the Women’s Suffrage Movement. Remember, this poster was being spread around by women who opposed the right for women to vote and they sure did have wise insight into the catastrophe that would ensue.

 “A vote for federal suffrage is a vote for organized female nagging forever. American pep, which was the result of a masculine dominated country, will soon be a thing of the past. With the collapse of the male ascendancy in this country, we can look forward to a nation of degeneration…The effect of the social revolution on American character will be to make ‘sissies’ of American men – a process already under way. Women Suffrage denatures both men and women; it masculinizes women and feminizes men. The history of ancient civilization has proven that a weakening of the man power of nations has been but a pre-runner of decadence in civilization.”

Elaine Weiss, author of The Woman’s Hour: The Great Fight to Win The Vote, wrote, “‘But it also goes deeper than that, because these anti-suffrage women are saying the vote is going to disturb the American home. It’s going to alter gender roles in a way that is disruptive and unhealthy,’ Weiss explains. ‘It’s going to make women compete with men—the anti-suffragists argue there will be more divorces because husbands and wives will argue about which candidates to vote for—but even deeper, it unsettles the idea of what the family is.'”

This is exactly what has happened. The family is no longer clearly defined as roles have become blurred. Ask yourself, have women stopped nagging and wanting their way since they achieved the right to vote? NO! In fact, I saw a poster recently that Iceland has complete gender equality but I am sure it hasn’t made women any happier and less complaining. Women are louder and more demanding (example: the Women’s March) than ever before even though they have more rights than ever. It’s a deep pit that is never satisfied. The further women go away from God’s calling on their lives, the unhappier and more discontent they become. God is their Creator yet they outright reject His will for them.

Let’s look back at the beginning of time and see who God created to be the leaders. The first human begin He created was Adam, a man, and he was to be the leader. He named all of the animals. Then God created Eve to be Adam’s help meet to support Adam in his work, not to usurp it.

Then God chose men to be the leaders as priests, kings, prophets, patriarchs, apostles, elders, deacons, and husbands. It seems clear to me that God made men to be the leaders. Jesus could have easily chosen a female disciple but He did not.

What are my thoughts on women voting? I have been asked this frequently. I am not a fan at all. Women overwhelmingly vote Democrat. They vote for big government to take care of them which means higher taxes and more laws and regulations which means less freedoms. They vote for free health care and abortions. They vote for leftist policies which are highly destructive to the family and culture. Socialism hasn’t worked any where that it has been tried.

Do I vote? Yes, I vote to support my husband’s vote and try to overturn a vote that is against all I believe in. I encourage conservative, Christian women to vote for life-affirming principles, smaller government, and more freedoms. I know that voting or not voting is not a sin in any way and each vote is not that meaningful. I am saddened by what our country has become. The Southern Women’s League was right in trying to prevent the Women’s Suffrage Movement. Men are becoming more feminine and women are becoming more masculine. What good can possibly come from this? Men were created to lead. Women were not.

As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths.
Isaiah 3:12