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Beware of the Strange Woman

Beware of the Strange Woman

To deliver thee from the strange woman, even from the stranger which flatters with her words; which forsakes the guide of her youth, and forgets the covenant of her God (Proverbs 2:16, 17)

There are many strange women who are forsaking and divorcing their husbands today and forgetting the covenant they made with their husbands. Many more women are divorcing their husbands than husbands divorcing their wives and the reasons are all too common: “I am not happy” or “We were incompatible” or “He drank too much” or “He watched porn” or any number of reasons but not one of them is a biblical reason to divorce.

Which forsaketh the guide of her youth,…. Not God, the God of her life, and who had provided for her from her youth up; nor her parent that had taken care of her in her infancy, and had been the guardian of her virgin state; but her husband, to whom she was married in her youth, and to whom she gave up herself to be guided and directed, ruled and governed, by: and as it is an aggravation of evil in a man to deal treacherously against the wife of his youth, and the wife of his covenant; so it is in a woman to forsake ‘the friend’ or ‘companion of her youth,’ as the phrase may be rendered; who loved her and espoused her in his youthful age, and with whom he had lived long in love and friendship, and in great happiness, but now forsakes him; her affections being alienated from him, leaves his company and bed, and associates with others” (Gill’s Exposition).

God said in His Word that what He joins together, let NO man tear asunder, yet too many women have no qualms tearing apart their marriages and leaving their husbands, then going after another man to marry, thus committing adultery with him. Women, this is serious business in the eyes of the Lord. He created marriage to be an example of Christ and the Church. As the Church must never forsake Christ, so wives must not forsake their husbands.

Don’t allow anything into your thought life or actions that will cause a schism between you and your husband. Watch for those little foxes that spoil the vine, such as a disrespectful attitude towards him, critical and negative thoughts about him, questioning and even rebelling against his decisions, or undermining his authority in the home by usurping it and doing things your way.

I seriously doubt many wives have given themselves up to be “ruled and governed” (as Gill’s Exposition stated in the comments above) by their husbands even though this is what the Lord calls them to do. God has ordained wives to be their husband’s help meet and not vice versa. Our main ministry in life is to our husbands to make their lives as good as we can and help their lives to be easier. Our husbands are the decision makers and we are called to obey and support these decisions joyfully and willingly, just as we do the Lord’s decisions and commands to us.

We also need to protect our marriage by dressing modestly in the company of other men. We must be careful to not flirt with other men in any way but only give ourselves to our husbands since they are the husbands of our youth. We must never allow “strange woman” be used to describe us. We don’t lust after other men, nor do we spend any time being entertained by them in our thought life but we take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. Any man who attempts to flirt with us in any way, we flee; for we refuse to break the covenant of our youth.

“And forgetteth the covenant of her God: not the covenant made with Noah, in which adultery, as well as other things, were forbidden; nor the law of Moses, or covenant at Sinai, in which it was condemned; but the marriage covenant, which she entered into with her husband when espoused to him, and when they mutually obliged themselves to be faithful to one another: and this is called ‘the covenant of God’; not only because God is the author and institutor of marriage, and has directed and enjoined persons to enter into such a contract with one another; but because he is present at it, and is a witness of such an engagement, mid is appealed unto in it; which, as it adds to the solemnity of it, makes the violation of it the more criminal.” (Gill’s Exposition of the Bible)

God created marriage between a man and a wife until death do they part. It’s a commitment we entered with our husband and the Lord on the day we married each other. We love our husbands and what is love? God has clearly spelled it out to us in 1 Corinthians 13:

Love endures long and is patient and kind; love never is envious nor boils over with jealousy, is not boastful or vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it (it pays no attention to a suffered wrong). It does not rejoice in injustice and unrighteousness, but rejoices when right and truth prevail. Love bears up under anything and everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything (without weakening). Love never fails (never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end).” (Amplified Version)

This is a good passage to memorize since love has NOTHING to do with our feelings and emotions. Not one woman who lives out this definition of love would ever divorce her husband or go after another man and be called a ‘strange woman.’ She would be kind, forgiving, loving, cheerful, and her hope would be in the Lord, not in how perfect her husband was supposed to be.

If her husband had been lured away by a strange woman, she would put on the full armor of the Lord and fight for her husband’s eternal soul by obeying 1 Peter 3:1-6. She would understand that his eternity is more important that her earthly happiness and determine to not be a covenant breaker. Yes, she would let him go if he wants to go, as the Word commands that she does, but she would pray and ask the Lord to restore their marriage and then go about winning him back without a word by learning to have a meek and quiet spirit which is beautiful in God’s sight.

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
Proverbs 31:10

Can a Wife Disobey Her Husband if He Asks Her to Get a Job?

Can a Wife Disobey Her Husband if He Asks Her to Get a Job?

Should wives disobey their husbands if their husbands ask them to leave their homes, their children in the care of others, and get a job? This is a difficult question to answer. I do believe this would be a sin on the husband’s part since he is the one called to be the provider unless he is unable to do so for some reason. Women are instructed to be keepers at home so they don’t blaspheme the Word of God so the Lord takes women being keepers at home very seriously.

Lady Lydia wrote a post about this a few years ago and doesn’t believe a wife must submit to her husband’s request to be a provider: “The scriptures do not give husbands authority to turn their wives into co-providers. When a man asks a woman to ‘help-out’ financially, there are a number of ways to do this without leaving her post at home and working elsewhere. These include preventing the income from going out as fast as it comes in by reducing expenses. Many women can stay home, but do not want to do without visits to the nail salon, hairdresser, restaurants, daily coffee’s at drive-ins, several vehicles,  extensive travel expenses, shopping at high-end clothing stores, and entertainment. These things can all be substituted in other ways that will not involve the wife going to work, which can perhaps be explained in a future post.”

There is nowhere in the Bible that instructs women to make money. Yes, the Proverbs 31 woman made a little bit of money but she was never told she had to do this; for she was known for “looking well to the ways of her household.” Any mother who is asked to leave her home and her children in the care of others will most likely not make that much money from the expenses it will take her to work, the work she won’t be doing in her home, the taxes taken out of her pay, the fewer meals from scratch she will be able to make, and a whole bunch of other ways that frugal wives can make ends meet by living simply and carefully within their husband’s income.

In my heart, I want to tell women that they don’t have to submit to their husband’s request to find a job but I’m just not sure this is the right thing to do since in 1 Peter 3:1-6 women who are married to men who are disobedient to the Word are told to live in subjection to their husbands without the Word and with a meek and quiet spirit. I know of women who didn’t go to church because their husbands didn’t want them to so the wives stayed home and ministered (served) their husbands instead. I know that some of these men have come to believe in Jesus Christ because of this.

Wives must remember that their husband’s eternal souls are the most important thing, yet I know that their children’s eternal souls are as well. A husband certainly couldn’t force his wife to go to work each day but I believe the best thing for a wife in this position to do would be to make her home such a sanctuary of peace and rest for her husband along with delicious homemade meals that if and when she must go to work, he will immediately notice the loss to his home life without her there full time. This is living in subjection to them and winning them without the word by her gentle and sweet behavior which seems more in line with God’s Word to me.

This is why the only times I encourage women to disobey their husband is if they ask them to do something evil, unlawful, or harmful. In all of the time I have been mentoring women, there’s only been one time that a woman asked me if she should obey her husband and I said, “NO!” Even then, I’m not sure I was right because what he asked didn’t fall into those three categories but I do know that some husbands ask (rarely demand) that their wives do something that falls into these categories.

I may be wrong and Lady Lydia may be right but each woman who is in this situation will have to prayerfully consider her actions and seek the Lord in prayer along with wisdom from older, godly women. Granted, Lady Lydia wrote a post on CAN a husband ask his wife to work and her answer was “NO.” She didn’t write about what to do IF a husband asks his wife to work (except for this line in her post, “Her response should be to fully carry out the duties of home keeping and to do it well, giving him a good example of a Christian woman’s duties to the home and family”) but women have come to me because their husbands do want them to work and asking what to do. We can’t control what husbands do nor control what they ask their wives to do. All we can do is encourage them to seek biblical counsel and do what the Lord would have them do in this case, not what they want to do.

 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Titus 2:4, 5

She Just Kept Rowing

She Just Kept Rowing

Written By Heather

I would like to preface this post by saying that I’m not writing it to hurt anyone or shame anyone. I have hesitated about sharing this because I have been scared of hurting some people but in hesitating, I have been refusing a chance to glorify God, share the work of His grace, and show what happens when you obey Him above all.

As I have mentioned before, I do guest blogs over at radical christian woman from time to time for my friend and fellow blogger, Elaine. I’ve been working on one today about how your tribe affects your vibe (it isn’t done yet) when the thought of maintaining the courage of your convictions came to mind.

Y’all that’s one of the single hardest things for a Christian to do!!!

I know this because there was a season in my life when I had to stick with my convictions even when I was told repeatedly to give up, that I had heard God wrong, that God would want me to be happy (I’m not even going to touch on that load of dookie), and so on and so forth.

Thinking on that season of my life has reminded of the faithfulness of God and how imperative it is to obey God even when everyone around you tells you you’re crazy.

To give you a real life example of this, I’m going to share a testimony with you…

JUST KEEP ROWING

August of 2015 I was in an utterly desperate place. My husband was lost as all get out, totally self-centered, a narcissistic alcoholic, and sometimes just plain ole’ mean. He never hit me but he was abusive in other ways and very demeaning. It was awful and I was completely miserable. I was ready to leave. I had one foot out the door until I went to church one night during the revival we were having at that time.

During that service, the preacher was preaching on when Jesus fed the 5,000 and how after that, He sent the apostles on ahead to Bethsaida. Because of the storm on the Sea of Galilee, the apostles rowed and rowed and rowed but they couldn’t get anywhere because the wind was against them. They rowed for nine hours and only got three miles. Then they saw Jesus walking on the water. We know what happened then. Peter walked on the water with him and we like to think that was the miracle in the story but as Dr. Mills said that night, another miracle happened…

When Jesus got in the boat, they immediately landed on shore.

The next words that preacher man spoke lodged in my heart.

He said, “I don’t know who you are but God told me to tell you to just keep rowing.”

I felt that message was for me so strongly I found myself looking around to see if anyone at church was looking at me!!!

God confirmed it the next morning, though. Some of us from one of the ladies’ missions group met to volunteer at the community kitchen and one of the women looked at me and said, “That message was for you last night.” I am so thankful for that friend!!!

Now over the next SEVERAL months, I would need to go back to that moment over and over because my husband just continued to get worse and worse.

I had friends and family encourage me to get a divorce and call me crazy when I wouldn’t. Some were gentle and compassionate about it. Others were outright rude about it and basically just told me to suck it up, and still others encouraged sin and disobedience (that one hurt the most because that person above all should have been encouraging me to obey God) but there were a few godly friends that encouraged me to obey God and hang on.

Towards the end, I was ready to give up. It was just too much. I was literally sick from the stress he was causing in my life and I was ready to call the lawyer the next morning but a precious friend said to me if God told you to keep rowing, you really better keep rowing, because the consequences for disobedience could be worse than this current situation.

I told God I would keep rowing. I told him I might beat B half to death with the paddle but I would keep rowing.

Fast forward a few days later to June 30th 2016, he was arrested for a DUI.

The night he was arrested, Satan was very busy. He knew things were about to change in our lives and that old devil was bound and determined to keep it from happening but praise God Almighty, He’s still on the throne!!!

I had went to the grocery store and B was supposed to be right behind me. I kept waiting and waiting but he never showed up so I went on into Aldi. I had been shopping for almost an hour when he finally called me and I could tell something wasn’t right.

He was so mad.

When he finally got to the grocery store, I was horrified. He was so far beyond drunk. I don’t even know what you would call what he was but he was terrifyingly mad and EXTREMELY messed up and there was a look in his eye that told me a violent beast was about to break free.

For the first time ever, I feared for my life. I remember standing in the checkout line at Aldi and praying for an officer. I asked God to send an officer, or to have someone call the police because people could see him jerking the cart around and hear what he was saying to me. Just anything to get the law there.

I knew that if he didn’t go to jail, someone was going to die that night.

After I got my groceries bagged, I made a beeline for my car and left that parking lot as fast as I could and drove over to Walmart, hoping he wouldn’t follow me. I called one of my best friends and told her what was going on and she told me to get some clothes and come to her house.

I was too scared to argue.

AN ANSWERED PRAYER: GOD SENT AN OFFICER.

When I left the Walmart parking lot, I was hysterical.

I had one thought and one thought only: get home and get out fast.

I wasn’t paying any attention whatsoever to how fast I was going.

Remember my prayer for God to send an officer? Well he did. I got pulled over.

When I rolled down my window, the officer saw me and was taken back by my distress and ask me if I was okay. It was like word vomit. I still don’t know what all I said but I know he went looking for B.

I drove back toward Aldi and at the red light, I told the officer that B had said he was going to Ingles and that I was going to look and see if he was over there. I drove around the parking lot but I didn’t see him so I waited at the end of the parking lot for the officer to show up so I could tell him.

The Bible tells us that God can do more than we ask or imagine, that He can go above and beyond what we ask of Him and He did that night. When the first officer showed up at Ingles, I saw that he brought a friend with him.

God didn’t just send me one officer, He sent me two officers.

Thank God the second one was much larger than the first because my husband is very big and he was drunk and he was MAD.

I spoke with the officers briefly and left to go home and get my clothes and leave.

As I was pulling out of one side of the parking lot, I looked over and saw B pulling into the parking lot on the otherside.

God got me out of there at exactly the right time. He spoke to my heart and told me he was getting me out of there just in time for me to see B but for him to not see me.

I knew the friend I was going to stay with was at Lowe’s on that end of town so I called her and asked her to go down there and see if they were arresting him and sure enough they were.

I felt peace wash over me in that moment. I knew I was safe.

I also thought I was done with him for good. I just didn’t see how I could stay with him after that. The next seven days were torment for me. I alternated between being scared to death of him getting out of jail and trusting God to protect me.

What I didn’t consider was the work God was doing in B while he was in that pit.

When B was being arrested for a DUI, an old, retired preacher was being arrested for carrying all his medications in one bottle and some of those medications were narcotics and that’s highly illegal.

God knew exactly what he was doing though because that old preacher ended up sharing a bunk with my lost and dying husband.

Despite what people think, jail is not a vacation. I’ve seen the inside of that place and it is AWFUL. I cried myself sick thinking of B being in there but there was no way I was bailing him out. I couldn’t even if I wanted to. It’s a good thing I didn’t because God was doing such a miraculous work while he was in there.

That preacher spoke a brutal truth into my husband and led him to the Lord right there in the middle of that jail.

I had no clue that was happening though. I had the Jeep, the keys, B’s phone, his wallet, everything. I knew when he left that jail, he would make a beeline for my Dad who owns a business within close walking distance to the jail and sure enough, that’s exactly what he did. I had already warned Dad of what was going to happen and I told Dad to tell him I was done with him and that I didn’t even want to look at him.

Please keep in mind that I had no clue at this point that he had gotten saved.

My phone rang that evening and I saw it was Dad so I answered it but it was B using Dad’s phone. The first words out of his mouth were, “Please don’t hang up on me.” Lord, how I remember that moment. I could tell something was different right away and something told me not to hang up. I know now that it was the Lord.

That’s when B told me he had gotten saved. I agreed to come talk to him and I am so glad I did because the Holy Spirit witnessed off of him right away. I knew it was really real.

I think back to everything that happened the night he got arrested and how I can see God’s hand at work and how today, I see him pray. He has traded pornography for the Word of God. Now, instead of scrambling to turn off the TV when I come upstairs, I find him studying his Bible. Instead of drinking all day everyday, he turns to the Lord in prayer. I see him changing constantly. Before, I would have to beg him to go to church. Now, he’s eager to go. Before, there was cursing. Now, we are so blessed.

If I had of listened to the people who spoke defeat into my life, if I hadn’t of maintained the courage of my convictions, I wouldn’t have experienced God in the way that I did. B would probably still be lost and drunk and possibly have died and went to hell. But thank God, when I was tired and wanted to stop rowing, he kept sending someone to speak life and encouragement into me and I kept rowing, even when people called me crazy. B and I came out victors because of it.

So today, if you are reading this, if you feel tired of rowing, I hope this has encouraged you to keep rowing and to keep trusting and obeying, even when the people around you call you crazy, even when you are sure nothing is going to change because God is faithful.

Just keep rowing,

Heather

Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ.
Philippians 1:6

Distracting Women from Truth

Distracting Women from Truth

Nancy Campbell wrote an encouraging post on her Facebook page about wives smiling at their husbands.

“Recently I read about a wife whose husband was unkind to her and didn’t want to spent time with her, choosing to spend all his evenings in other company. She went to a counselor. He didn’t spend hours counseling her, but instead gave her one simple message, ‘Always treat your husband with a smile.’

She began to put it into practice. A few months later she returned to the counselor to say that her husband no longer sought other company, but longed to be with her and treated her with constant love and kindness.

This secret works wonders for a problematic marriage, but also enhances a good marriage. Try it.”

I was the first one to comment and wrote, “Whenever I mentor women in troubled marriages, this is the first assignment I give them: begin smiling at your husband every time you see him. One woman came back a week later and after asking her how it went, she replied, “He knew something was different about me so he asked, ‘Have you lost weight?!'” 🙂 

Then right under my comment a woman named Hazel made this comment, “With a marriage that needs a bit of fine tuning, this will work. However, in an abusive marriage, this will only make things worse. I tried Love Dare. The further I got, the worse things became. He soon learned that it didn’t matter what he did, I would still treat him kindly. I did this until it nearly killed me. We’re now divorced and this is the best I’ve felt in years. Yes, life is hard but I no longer have the wet blanket of verbal abuse. The ‘shut up and forgive’ thing only goes so far. It never, ever applies to an abusing marriage.” She received a lot of likes on her comment.

What was Hazel’s goal in writing this? Was it to warn women to not try smiling and being kind towards their husband since it may make it worse? Was it to water down Nancy’s encouraging and wise words to wives in order to distract women from truth? We can’t know for sure but it’s a consistent behavior among many women today. They do it to me frequently, almost daily actually. If I mention the word submission, being kind, loving, or serving our husbands in any way, women scream “abuse” or selfishness on the husband’s part. Why do they have to say anything? It’s as if they believe it’s their job to protect women from our teachings as if our teachings cause harm and abuse.

Smiling and being warm towards our husbands DOESN’T cause abuse. Submitting and serving our husbands DOES NOT cause abuse. Even obeying our husbands DOES NOT cause abuse. Sin causes abuse, period, yet try to encourage women towards becoming godly, submissive wives and some women always have to warn women about abuse and put a negative twist to it. Yes, I know abuse is real and I have posts dedicated to this topic but it’s completely unnecessary and unproductive to write about abuse or husbands maybe or made up faults every time I teach women about treating our husbands with kindness, love, and respect. It takes away from the truth and turns it into something ugly which seems to be their intention.

For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.
2 Timothy 3:6, 7

Married to Angry Men

Married to Angry Men

The road that we walk as believers is narrow and it’s not easy. Everyone goes through trials and sufferings, but as believers in Christ Jesus, we don’t run from them and try to numb ourselves as those on the broad path are prone to do. Debi Pearl added a great chapter to her book Created to Be His Help Meet for women who are married to very difficult and angry men. I want to post a few meaningful paragraphs from this book to encourage you who are in this situation to buy the book and find encouragement from her.

For any of you who are being physically and/or emotionally abused or fear for your life in your marriage, please click on this link.

Debi gives three responses how women who are married to angry men typically react: become a doormat and cower in his presence, fight back and cause more tension, and a third one which I recommend.

“The third response is the road to healing; your healing first, and then the kids and possibly your husband’s. This is the hard part. It will take a woman filled with the Holy Spirit and the grace of God. You will have to endure abusive words without feeling abused. You will have to live in the love of God when you are not getting love from your husband. You will have to gain your self-image from what God thinks of you instead of what your husband says in his selfishness and anger. You will need to put on the whole armor of God to stand against the fiery darts of the wicked one – yes, the devil in your husband.

You must wear two hats at the same time: the loving, submissive wife who honors her husband, and the prophet who will not cover sin nor call evil good. You will not hide his sin from your children nor make excuses. When he acts inappropriately with you or the children and you see they are hurting, later, in private, explain to them that he does not have the love of God in him and that he is being controlled by an evil spirit. Let them know that it is his problem and not theirs, that he is unreasonable and they are normal. Tell them to try not to provoke him and together you will seek his healing. They should understand that their daddy is temporarily possessed of a debilitating moral disease that God can heal.

Stand taller. Look him in the eye. Do not return to your corner or wear the dunce’s hat. When reviled, return a blessing, when persecuted, suffer it without bowing your head or apologizing ( 1 Corinthians 4:10-13). Look your antagonist in the eye and let him see compassion and forgiveness, but not fear, not guilt, and not apology. You should grow taller as he gets smaller.

I do know one thing for sure: Total surrender to God and a walk of faith will cure any and all marriage diseases. A good Christian is a good spouse, a good parent, and a good friend. We have seen terminal cases of marriage malignancy cured through loving God with all of one’s heart. Where Christ is there is wisdom, judgment, forgiveness, grace, love, mercy, and especially joy. The power of holy joy exceeds all human ills.

So before you blame your husband, and decide to stand up to him, make sure you are kneeling in the presence of God, seated in heavenly places, and standing in faith. If grace is not your daily diet, don’t expect that you can work wonders in another blighted soul.”

And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Either how canst thou say to thy brother, Brother, let me pull out the mote that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote that is in thy brother’s eye.
Luke 6:41, 42

***Here is another good article by Michael Pearl on this topic, The Devil’s Hug but gives this warning: This article is rated R—not for children under 18, and possibly not for any unmarried person who wishes to remain in innocent ignorance. (The most tragic part of this article is the fact that the number of angry men is increasing due to pornography and I also believe due to rampant divorce and the break down of the family and biblical values. Divorce makes children angry who grow up to be angry adults.)

***If your husband is having an affair, click here.

***If he is a persistent porn addict, click here.

Divorcing Second Husband to Remarry First Husband?

Divorcing Second Husband to Remarry First Husband?

There are people who believe that if a woman has been divorced and then married another man, she is living in continual adultery and needs to divorce her second husband and try to be reconciled to her first husband or remain single for the rest of her life. Because I don’t agree with this, I have been accused of supporting divorce and remarriage so I want to set the record straight. I hate divorce as God hates it and do everything I can to strengthen and save marriages.

I strongly believe in the permanence of marriage until death does a couple part and what God has put together let NO man separate. This is what I will teach until I no longer have a voice. Divorce is devastating on all involved even affecting future generations. “Divorce, no matter what the reason, does something to children that is unholy” (Michael Pearl) and this is why the Apostle Paul urges believers to stay with unbelievers because they sanctify the unsaved spouse and children by their godly presence. God allowed divorce only because of the hardness of heart and gives an out for adultery and abandonment but never recommends, encourages, or commands divorce.

I am going to share what three godly men wrote about this issue because I believe they say my thoughts about it better than I can:

Michael Pearl in his book Divorce and Remarriage wrote this: “If you come to Christ having been the guilty part in terminating a marriage, and discover to your shame that you committed adultery when you remarried, Paul says you are to remain in the state you were in when you came to Christ. The adultery is initial, not perpetual. Your original sin of adultery is forgiven when you repent, and your marriage is now sanctified. ‘Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God’ (1 Corinthians 7:24).”

“There are some cult-like groups that have committed great abomination and defiled marriages by insisting that a man or woman in their second (or more) marriage should leave their family – spouse and children – and return to the original spouse, insisting that they are living in adultery otherwise. While God has permitted divorce and remarriage on account of hard hearts (in the case of adultery and abandonment), he has never permitted a man or woman to leave a second spouse and return to the first. That remains an abomination. Anyone who would encourage a man or woman to leave their present spouse due to a former marriage is an enemy of God (Deuteronomy 24:1-4).

Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the Lord (Deuteronomy 24:4).

“If it were true that second marriages are not marriages at all, and that a person remains married to their first spouse until death, and their relationship with their second spouse is an ongoing state of adultery, then Jesus missed the point, for He acknowledged that the woman at the well had indeed had ‘five husbands,’ and the man she was presently with was not her husband” (Michael Pearl).

“Divorced people who have married again should not break the second marriage. The second marriage has broken the first marriage. God Himself holds the second marriage binding. To break it would do no good, but would do great harm…DO NOT BREAK THE SECOND MARRIAGE! Two wrongs never made a right. It would usually be impossible to restore the first marriage, and the Bible does not command it, even if it were possible. Confess the sin of the past, but do not sin again by another divorce or separation” (Dr. John Rice).

“The prohibition of a wife returning to her first husband even after her second husband dies (because it is an abomination) suggests very strongly that today no second marriage should be broken up in order to restore a first one” (John Piper).

Switch Submission to Respect?

Switch Submission to Respect?

One woman’s husband read a post about submission that she had written and responded this way to her:

I think the word submit is outdated, respect is a much better alternative.” 

A very wise woman responded:

“Here’s the thing, ladies (and this is coming from someone who is NOT in a Christian marriage, and has lived a life of submission for the past ten years of our 22 year marriage – I’m 51), we can’t pick and choose and substitute words in Scripture like that and when we look at any topic in Scripture, it’s important to look at all Scripture on it. In this area God is very clear and He’s not just talking to wives of Christian husbands and I’ll show you why.

God knew what He was doing when He wrote the Bible. He knew what words to use and He was in control. There are words that He used in the Bible for respect (esteem, fear, honor). If He used those words in other areas but not this one, are you saying that He made a mistake? No. It simply serves to ‘justify’ our lack of giving up control, if we change it.

Revelation 22:18-19 is very clear on this!

Now, regarding submitting to a non-Christian husband, here’s what God says about it –

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.
1 Peter 3:1-2

I’ve counseled and mentored many women and, sadly used to think the way that they do starting out. I often hear: ‘I’ll submit as long as….’ (they don’t tell me to do something against God; they don’t ask too much; they don’t develop a ‘god-complex’…).

I’m here to tell you that that is not submission of any form – it’s negotiations and it doesn’t say to negotiate with your husband. It says to submit and in this case, the instruction has more to do with your relationship with God than it does with your relationship with your husbands.

Why is it that in areas that we don’t ‘like,’ we still conform to the world because it’s more comfortable?

Ladies, this is experience talking. Before I totally submitted to my husband, the area of God was a battleground for us. He always tuned it out but, when I submitted to him, as to God (which means completely), God started working in his heart in huge ways.

So the choice is to obey God or not – that’s what it really comes down to.

Please, don’t try to change God’s Word to fit what you think; it’s supposed to be the other way around and trust me, that way works better.”

Why would we ever falsely believe that we can somehow improve upon God’s perfect ways, words, or will for us?

Hardness of Heart is the Root of All Failed Marriages

Hardness of Heart is the Root of All Failed Marriages

There are two posts I recently read that were powerful explanations about the trauma of divorce and ways to prevent it from happening in the first place. I want to share these two posts with you and some of the quotes that I found convicting and challenging.

HARDNESS OF HEART IS THE ROOT OF ALL FAILED MARRIAGES.

I have always believed this especially since Jesus is the one who said it. Divorce wasn’t ordained by God and is never promoted in God’s Word. For what God hath joined together, let no man tear asunder. Moses allowed a certificate of divorce but only due to the hardness of their hearts. As believers, we should never be accused of having hardened hearts.

“Resentment is an egotistical indulgence. Our ego is the womb that is always ready to receive the seeds of resentment. In there they grow and grow, until they become all-consuming and affect every area of our lives. Many wives are chock full of resentment towards their husbands…Feelings of resentment have to be dealt with immediately or they will take root and grow into destructive forces, such as hatred, anger, unforgiveness and bitterness” (Genevieve White).

The author of the article above then makes a list of all the things that prove someone has a hardened heart. I believe bitterness is the root of it all for it defiles many and we are warned about it in God’s Word. Whenever you feel resentment and bitterness creeping into your minds towards your husband, break out in praise and thanksgiving. This is the best antidote to bitterness. You can’t have bitterness or critical thoughts in your life if you are singing praise to the Lord and are thankful for all that He has blessed you with.

The effect of divorce on children is devastating“Divorce breaks a chain of both future-building and legacies of the past, which the next generation would normally benefit from. When this continuity is broken, the culture itself fragments-and it happens in one or two generations. The betrayal of a divorce pulls the rug of security and commitment out from under children, and they in turn do not believe in commitment nor do they have the tools and example to be successful in a  long-term relationship. The ability to overcome the more destructive elements of human nature is damaged or ruined. “

My parents didn’t have a good marriage for many years but they modeled to the three of us commitment even when it was hard and they didn’t feel in love and weren’t “happy.” They knew there was more to marriage than just seeking self-fulfillment and doing what was best for them. They had made the commitment to each other until death do they part and now they are blessed with three daughters who have been married over thirty years each and ten grandchildren, eight of whom are very happily married. (Two still are not married.) There are rich blessings in obeying the Lord for He is the one who promises that we reap what we sow.

My niece (my sister’s daughter) posted this picture of my parents on Facebook the other day and wrote this about them: “These two. Nana and papa. Believe it or not, my mom told me they use to fight nonstop growing up…And here they are in their mid eighties and they couldn’t be more in love. ❤️ I walked in on them snuggling the other day. They kiss and hold hands and care for one another daily and tell each other how much they love the other…Touching? Yes. Inspiring? Of course. A miraculous work of Jesus in their hearts, lives and marriage?! Absolutely! I pray for this same kind of love and tenderness between my hubby and me now and tomorrow and down the line when we’re old and gray!”

On the other hand, Leila Miller wrote, “My parents’ divorce taught me that we should be saving the majority of our ‘yeses’ for God, each other, and our family. If we pour out too much of ourselves to the outside world, we have nothing left to offer God and our spouse.” This is why feminism and careers have been devastating to what matters most. Many women spend their time, energy, and money on everything but their family. They have little time to be help meets to their husband (the reason God created them) and mothers to their children.

What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Mark 10:9

What Do Husbands Think About Their “New” Submissive Wives?

What Do Husbands Think About Their “New” Submissive Wives?

What do husbands who have wives who have become submissive wives think about their wives now? Do they like the “new” wife or do they miss the old one? A woman asked this question on my Facebook page so I decided to ask the women in the chat room to ask their husbands. Ken answered the woman on Facebook:

“I can tell you that my marriage has been revolutionized since Lori has chosen to be a submissive wife. No more arguing, peace in my home and in my own skin, love where I know that she desires to put me first now instead of last. I used to be stressed out constantly hoping I would not upset my wife by saying or doing things she didn’t like. It wasn’t overt so much as a frown on her face, a snide remark, or becoming distant and aloof. I don’t have to fear that anymore and she is so much happier knowing she doesn’t have to be in control of my and our lives. Instead, harmony reigns.”

Maggie wrote: “My husband would say that he gets to eat dinner at home. Years back I never considered starting dinner until after he arrived, then he would eat dinner at his mom’s every night before he came home and I’d be livid. It put a wedge between my MIL and him and me. Now that I know my role, he comes home to a hot meal and he doesn’t take it for granted.”

Evie: “I’ll ask him when he wakes up (still on his night shift schedule) but the main thing he always mentions is how the arguing is now nonexistent. We have literally nothing to fight about thus far because most of our past arguments derived from household chores and decisions being made.”

Molly: “My husband said out of the blue that I was much more ‘live and let live’ instead of bossy. I was really happy to hear that.”

Kayla: “’Smoother, not so much stress, and hardly any fighting’ is what my husband said. Man of few words but I’d never really asked him if he noticed a change and it’s nice to know he has.”

Michelle: “My dear husband says that there is more peace in the house. There is rarely any arguments between us. I also demonstrate my role as a wife and mother by being more joyful.”

Debbie: “He said I don’t get upset or mad very easily anymore. He likes that I get ‘upset’ now if he doesn’t let me get his food or drink refills. Being open with all things financial (purchases, etc), asking him for permission instead of just going out on my own about everything.”

Libby: “He told me our home is more enjoyable. He said before I found this group, he knew I was trying to let him lead, but he said once I found y’all I have really stepped into my proper place. He also said he is enjoying that I am teaching this to our daughter as well; that we need to take care of dad, and be happy to see him.”

Rayma: “Mine says he doesn’t believe it yet…(looks like he needs some time…I only asked for his forgiveness for my rebellious, disrespectful, unsubmissive behavior a few months ago, at which point he said he can’t forgive me, because I couldn’t change the past). BUT I can see in his actions that he is actually simply enjoying being home more. He talks to me. He has moved back into our shared room. He lets me know what his work schedule is like. He spends time with me and the kids taking day trips – things that never happened before! The BIG WALL OF BITTERNESS we both built to distance ourselves is finally cracking!!!”

Cassie: “He said that I don’t think I am in charge of the marriage any more.”

Some men have responded on my blog that they don’t want submissive wives. They don’t know what they are missing!

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Ephesians 5:22-24

Privileged to Serve Your Man

Privileged to Serve Your Man

One woman’s husband works a lot and is away from home. They have many children, a big garden, and a big home. She struggles with her marriage and disciplining and training her children. She is unhappy with her lot in life. Happy Homemaker had some very wise counsel for her.

Stop with all the negative thinking and grow a backbone with those kids. Remember, you fell in love with the man for a reason, so think back to that if you have to. Also, THINK and I do mean sit down and TRULY think of all he does for you. I am just basing my words on your post, but you said he works twelve hour shifts and you stay home.

Now, I am a housewife and I know it’s not a piece of cake, but it truly is MUCH less work and stressful than what your husband does. Really think about that, and I don’t see how you can not appreciate him. Those children can learn chores and help you around the house. Even a toddler can be taught to pick up their dirty clothes and toys and much more if you teach them.

If you haven’t read Lori’s book (The Transformed Wife) or Debi Pearl’s (Created to be a Help Meet) then I highly, and I mean highly recommend getting a copy. Created changed my life and marriage, and it was exactly what I needed because I needed a good kick in the rear and to be told I was wrong. If you’ve already read both books, re-read them. Find encouraging Bible verses and memorize them. I will give you my favorite one (and I had to memorize it when I was letting my negative thoughts and feelings let me become depressed because I would only dwell on the ugly in life and not all the many wonderful positives that the Lord had blessed me with.)

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.
Isaiah 26:3

If you don’t get rid of those nasty thoughts, they will turn into more negative thoughts and it will eventually be all you think. Don’t let that happen. So, right now stop thinking anything negative, if you have a negative thought, replace it with something positive. My favorite example: if there are dirty socks on the floor, when you start thinking how ungrateful he is to have left them, remind yourself that there is always someone out there that would LOVE to pick up her husband’s dirty socks (widows, unmarried ladies) and that it is a privilege to get to serve your man. And it truly is a privilege; I honestly believe that now.

Another thing I have learned the hard way is that not only is love an action word, but so is JOY, you can choose to be joyful. Yes, it is really hard at first and seems impossible (trust me, I’ve been there) but the more you choose to be joyful, the easier it becomes next time.

I don’t normally like to share my prayers, as prayers are a personal conversation with God, but maybe it will help you. When I pray, I ask God to help me make our home a joyful and peaceful place for my husband and I also ask Him to help me to not nag and complain, but to be joyful and glad. I also ask God to help me to obey and submit to my husband JOYFULLY and to help me to honor and reverence my husband in all things.

You see, I don’t want to JUST submit to my husband, I want to do it joyfully. As far as desire for intimacy goes, maybe you don’t feel desire because deep down you know something isn’t right and that you need to change? For me, nothing stirs up that desire more than knowing God created me for my man — I am his and I was created to serve him, there is nothing better than knowing this.

Now, as far as kids go, I haven’t read To Train up a Child by the Pearls, but I hear a lot of good things about it. Yes, this too will be hard, but worth it. If you get those kids under control and behaving better, that too will help with your relationship with your husband (or at least from people I have spoken to, that’s the case).

Above all else, pray that God change your attitude and mindset. That He helps you get your joy back!

As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.
1 Peter 4:10