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Sex is Basic to Marriage

Sex is Basic to Marriage

We know of some couples who are going through some very hard times and the wives refuse to be intimate with their husbands. Yes, we can try to guess what the husbands are doing wrong that the wives don’t want to have sex with them but we must still focus upon obeying God even when the other spouse is not in some areas. Most times in these situations, the wives don’t want to talk to me because they know what I will tell them, so we pray.

I read an article by a woman, who is not a Christian, entitled What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity. She prefers married men because she doesn’t have to worry about the long-term emotional attachment since they have wives, children, and mortgages. She wrote, “What surprised me was that husbands weren’t looking to have more sex. They were looking to have any sex…I suppose I would hope his needs would involve fishing trips or beers with friends. But sex is basic. Physical intimacy with other human beings is essential to our health and well being. So how do we deny such a need to the one we care about most? If our primary relationship nourishes and stabilizes us but lacks intimacy, we shouldn’t have to destroy our marriage to get that intimacy somewhere else, should we?”

The answer is no. God is clear that we are not to deprive each other sexually. She found that most married men simply wanted sex and would prefer sex with their own wives. They live with them day in and day out and are attracted to their wives. This is what happens when members of the opposite sex live in the same house, dress in front of each other, and sleep in the same bed. This shouldn’t surprise women.

Men have ten times the testosterone than women and their sex drive is typically much higher than women’s. Wives need to know this so they will keep their husbands sexually satisfied at home so they won’t go elsewhere looking for it. No, the husbands shouldn’t do this but even God’s Word warns us about this. “Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency (1 Corinthians 7:5).” When wives deprive their husbands, they are opening up their husbands to be tempted by Satan. This is not good at all! We are to do nothing to cause our brothers to stumble, no, not even our husbands.

The author said these husbands didn’t tell their wives about their longing for sex and finding it elsewhere because they didn’t want to hurt their wives. The author thought the lie was worse than the affair. Most husbands probably tell their wives how much they want sex but not to the extent since they know how their wives will respond. More rejection. This is why God commands older women to teach younger women to love their husbands which includes satisfying them sexually. Husbands go to work daily even when they don’t feel like it. Wives need to be sexually available to their husbands even if they don’t feel like it. We lives our lives based upon obedience not feelings.

Yes, there are some men who will have affairs even if their wives are available sexually and there are times when a wife simply cannot be available sexually because of health issues, giving birth, and issues such as these. I am not speaking about these specific cases but if you are married to a man who loves you and wants sex with you, I am writing to you.

Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
1 Corinthians 7:3, 4

Only Weak-Willed or Bullied Wives Submit?

Only Weak-Willed or Bullied Wives Submit?

A lie that many in the world believe is that only weak-willed women or women who are being bullied by their husbands are submissive. I read an article about this and asked my husband if I submitted to his leadership because I was weak-will or he bullied me. He laughed! I am not weak-will, nor has he ever bullied me. He doesn’t have a bullying bone in his body! I submit to my husband in obedience to the Lord. It actually takes a strong woman grounded in the Word of God and filled with His Spirit to be able to submit to their husband as unto the Lord.

A wife’s decision to be submissive to her husband does not mean she is weak-willed or that her husband will bully her because of her submission. Men who bully will bully women regardless of whether or not they have submissive wives and yes, may take advantage of a submissive wife but his bullying isn’t because of her submission. He’s a bully and she may need to seek help! And godly women who choose to be submissive are not weak-willed as many falsely believe today.

  I asked the women in the chat room if they lived in submission to their husbands because they were weak willed or bullied and here are some of their responses.

Debbie: “Lol. No one that knows me would ever accuse me of being weak-minded or try to bully me. Biblical submission is a reflection of a heart choice of a God-focused woman.”

Rebecca: “My husband has NEVER bullied me! And weak minded? I don’t think so! It takes great strength sometimes to be submissive but just like many other things in life, our lives are much better when we obey God.”

Katrina: “I try to be submissive because I love God and want to do what pleases him. ❤”

Paige: “People say the same things about Christ- what kind of God would die for his enemies? What kind of master would wash the feet of his servants? What kind of king would make peasants his co-heirs? His humility is why we serve. Not because we are weak or our husbands are mean, but because He is our example of servanthood.”

Lindsay: “I’m a very opinionated and strong woman. Nobody would get away with bullying me. I’m certainly not weak-minded. I submit to my husband because it’s what God’s word tells me and because life just works so much better when we all have our proper roles and aren’t fighting one another. I don’t want to compete with my husband or control him or fight with him. I married him because I love and respect him, so I wouldn’t want to undermine that respect by keeping him under my thumb, even if I could. I want him to take the lead so he keeps my knees weak and my admiration strong. A weak man I could control would not be very appealing to me at all.”

Verna: “Definitely not.”

Katie: “Raised in an atheist, feminist home. Strong minded enough to choose my own path, make my own choices, and go against my family’s ways. Would not class myself as weak minded at all.”

Chanse: “I probably wouldn’t be married still if it weren’t for Christ. It’s only through His power and submitting to His will that I continue to persevere and forbear through my difficult marriage. So, no I’m not bullied or weak minded. If I were, I’d be divorced.”

Robin: “These people just don’t understand how much strength and self control it takes for a woman to submit to her husband!”

Monica: “None of the above. I submit to my husband because God requires me to do so. This model has resulted in us having a very beautiful marriage. I would rather the wisdom of God than the foolishness of man.”

Kylene: “One of the reasons I’m submissive is because I used to be a feminist. I came to see feminism and the egalitarian (i.e. ‘two-headed monster marriage’ model) as being epic system failures that were detrimentally affecting both our culture and the Christian church. I’m no less than my husband. He seeks my perspective and input on everything of importance (the same way a CEO would brainstorm with the COO or other top executive) and then makes the final decision.”

Andrea: “My SIL was bullied by her husband, and lived for several years in submission because of him. She began to seek God and submit as he would have her, and their marriage was totally transformed! They are happy and doing wonderful. It’s amazing to see what a submissive heart can do.”

You see, women, these lies that only weak-minded women are submissive or women who are being bullied by their husbands are lies that the enemy of our souls wants women to believe. Satan doesn’t want women to obey God and live in submission to their husbands. He hates the Lord’s ways and comes to kill, steal, and destroy. Stop listening to the lies of the enemy and those whom he is using for his purposes. Listen to the Lover of your soul instead and do what He has commanded you to do. Only in Him will you find the peace and rest you are so desperately searching and longing for.

Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
1 Peter 3:6

When Should a Wife Disobey Her Husband?

When Should a Wife Disobey Her Husband?

The question of when a wife should disobey her husband comes up frequently. It seems that people are more concerned about when a wife should disobey her husband than obeying and submitting to him. We are told to submit to our husbands in everything (Ephesians 5:24), be obedient to them (Titus 2:5), and we are Sarah’s daughters as we obey our husbands as she obeyed Abraham (1 Peter 3:6). We are told that our husband is head over us (Ephesians 5:23). God has made it very clear that the husbands are the ones to lead their families, not the wives. But when should wives disobey their husbands?

As you know, I fully teach and believe that women should be keepers at home and raise their own children. What if a husband asks his wife to put their children into daycare and work full time? Should she disobey him because she believes it is sin? What if he asks her to fully vaccinate her children even though she believes this would be sin to pump her children “full of poison”? What if he asks her to put their children into the public schools even though she knows how sinful they are? What if he asks her to not spank their children when the Bible clearly tells us to use the rod on them? There are many things that are clearly stated in the Word of God that we should obey but what if the husbands ask their wives to disobey them?

I believe the only time a wife can disobey her husband is if he asks her to disobey a clear command of the Lord such as given in Romans 13:9 because God’s clear commands trump a husband’s. “For this, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not kill, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Thou shalt not covet; and if there be any other commandment, it is briefly comprehended in this saying, namely, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.”

A wife never has to obey her husband if he asks her to do anything that will defile the marriage bed as in having an affair, watching pornography, engaging in anal sex, or participating in a threesome. She would never have to obey him if he asked her to get an abortion, steal, bear false witness, or do anything that is clearly evil. Anything that is not loving others (harming the children or others), she would not have to obey BUT she must obey him in everything else.

Yes, she would have to work full time and put her children in daycare if he asks her to do this in submission to his leadership. Yes, she would willingly vaccinate her children if this is his will. She would put her children into public schools if this was her husband’s desire. She would not spank her children if he asked her to not spank. If he wants her to wear leggings and skirts above her knees, she would obey him. He is the one who will decide if she wears a covering on her head or not, what church they attend, where they will live, how to spend the money, etc. He is responsible for how he leads his family and she is responsible for submitting to his leadership. God is very clear about this! If she doesn’t like some of his decisions, she gives them to the Lord in prayer and allows Him to convict and change his mind if this is the Lord’s will.

If she wants to be a keeper at home and homeschool her children but her husband wants her to work full time, she lives carefully within his income and asks the Lord for daily strength and wisdom while she submits to her husband and works full time. If she must vaccinate her children because this is her husband’s desire, she feeds them as healthily as she can and gives them a lot of healthy probiotics like kefir to help keep their immune systems strong. She daily prays protection over her children whether they are in daycare, public school, or vaccinated. If they go to public school because this is what her husband wants, she reads the Bible and prays with them every morning before school and reminds them to clothe themselves with the full armor of the Lord daily. She continually teaches them the truth of God’s Word. If she can’t spank her children because her husband doesn’t want this, she is consistent in making them obey her even if it is time consuming and tedious. If he likes her to dress in clothing that she considers immodest, she wears it as modestly as she can but still pleases him. Remember, he will answer to God in how he leads her.

In all areas, she does her best to submit to him in everything, even the hard things that she disagrees with him about and in the areas that she doesn’t believe are biblical. Remember, we are told how a wife is to “win” her husband who is disobedient to the Word and it isn’t by disobeying him. No, it’s by living in subjection to him – obeying and submitting to his leadership (1 Peter 3:1-6) so she works hard to obey him in everything as long as it is not evil or harmful to others and prays daily that she will win him without the word. In the meantime, she finds her strength and joy in the Lord and doesn’t allow anything or anyone to steal her joy!

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
1 Peter 3:1, 2

Watered Down Wedding Vows

Watered Down Wedding Vows

“I just went to a wedding where the officiant talked about headship and submission. He told the groom that he was to love his wife unconditionally and sacrifice everything for her. He told the bride that submission did not mean she had to be a doormat and it did not mean her opinion didn’t count and it did not mean her husband was allowed to bully her. He said absolutely nothing about what submission really meant, only what it did not mean.

“This is also a problem with sermons about Ephesians 5 that spend 90% of the time talking about the husband’s responsibility, 9% about mutual submission, and 1% listing the things submission does NOT mean.”

Mitch made this comment on my post Why I Don’t Make a Disclaimer on Every Post About Submission. Can we ask ourselves why pastors and teachers of the word and even Focus on the Family are so afraid to teach about biblical submission? Has feminism impacted the Church so heavily that there are few preachers who teach the truth about a wife’s submission to her husband without softening it so much that it’s hardly recognizable and gives the wife many ways out of obeying her husband?

My husband married my youngest daughter and her husband four years ago. He laid out all of the biblical commands concerning biblical submission to his own daughter during the ceremony. It was great! Unfortunately at the reception, one man made statements against what Ken had said in the ceremony during his toast. It seems that almost everyone wants to water down what God has to say about it. They seem to fear women, instead of fearing God.

No, we don’t need to try to soften God’s Word and give all of the exceptions. This isn’t our job. It’s our job to speak the truth in love. Yes, wives are to live in submission to their husbands and be obedient to them. They are to submit in everything. They are to reverence their husbands and learn what pleases them. Let’s focus on doing this and see how many marriages improve instead of giving all of the exceptions and allowing women to be the decider of when to submit and when not to submit. (Of course, a wife should never submit to a husband who asks her to do evil or something that could harm herself or her children. God’s will always trumps man’s.)

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Ephesians 5:22-24

Which Proverbs Woman are You?

Which Proverbs Woman are You?

There are two types of women described all throughout the book of Proverbs. One is a godly woman and one is a foolish woman. I read through the entire book and noted all of the references made specifically to woman excluding Proverbs 31. First, I will give you the verses of foolish women to make sure none of these describe any of us!

“It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman” (Proverbs 21:19).

Contentious means given to angry debate and quarrelsome. It’s easy for us to want our own way and to be right but this isn’t what God calls us to do nor be. There are so many Christians books and articles about how to “fight fair” in marriage but according to the Word of God, we shouldn’t be fighting at all. “And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men” (2 Timothy 2:24). Strive means to struggle or fight vigorously. As women, we are called to have meek and quiet spirits, therefore, we must not quarrel or fight with our husbands.

“It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house” (Proverbs 21:9)

Brawling means the act of quarreling. Again, we are told to NOT quarrel. It should have no place in our lives. If you struggle with quarreling with your husband, ask him to call you out on it every time you begin to quarrel and immediately stop! It’s a hard habit to break (I know), but worth the effort. Peace in a marriage is a beautiful thing!

“It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.” (Proverbs 25:24)

This verse is given twice (Proverbs 21:9)! Again, we are warned against quarreling.  It would be better for a man to be exposed to the harsh heat of the sun, wind, and winter on a roof rather than live with a quarreling wife in a big and beautiful home. It will drive a man crazy! God commands wives to submit to their husband and when wives do this, quarreling stops immediately since they understand his headship over them.

“The contentions of a wife are a continual dripping” (Proverbs 19:13)

“A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike” (Proverbs 27:15)

Twice we are told that a quarreling wife is like a “continual dripping.” I am sure you have heard a faucet that drips, drips, drips and it can drive you crazy because it is so constant and so annoying. This is what you sound like to your husband if you quarrel with him. Choose to bite your tongue rather than quarrel with your husband. Let him be right all the time if need be. Big deal!

“As a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion” (Proverbs 11:22)

Discretion means being wise and having common sense and good judgement. A woman who has no discretion (isn’t wise and doesn’t have common sense or good judgement) is compared to a piece of jewelry in a pig’s nose. As godly woman, we are called to be discreet. We are to be wise in avoiding errors and evil and do what is right and good according to God’s Word.

“She is loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house” (Proverbs 7:11).

This is completely opposite of having meek and quiet spirits. We aren’t to be loud. We aren’t to be stubborn and insist on having our own way. Our feet are in our homes as keepers at home where the Lord has commanded that we be. We don’t go out marching for our “rights”  and demanding that we be heard. No, we work quietly and hard in our homes taking care of our families while giving all of our concerns to the Lord. He is mighty to save! We study to be quiet, do our own business, and work with our own hands (1 Thessalonians 4:11). We don’t have a sense of entitlement and wanting things for free but are content with our lot in life; for godliness with contentment is great gain.

“A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing” (Proverbs 9:13)

Clamorous means speaking and repeating loud words, being noisy and turbulent. Without Christ’s Spirit working mightily within us, we will not be meek and quiet spirited women. As our culture spirals downwards, women become more loud and turbulent. This is why we need to be in the Word and allow His Spirit to transform us into His image.

“Three things the earth is disquieted…an odious woman when she is married” (Proverbs 30:23)

Odious means hateful, offensive to the senses, and disgusting. There seems to be many women who are hateful and disgusting these days. You can see it all over Facebook, during the feminist marches, and watching them on TV with their immodesty, unfeminine behavior, and foul language. I can tell you one thing, it’s so very ugly! The poor, poor men who are married to odious women. What a pity.

“A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones” (Proverbs 12:4)

Virtuous means morally good, practicing the moral duties, and abstaining from vice. Are you good? Are you washed by the blood of the Lamb? Have you been cleansed from your sin and walk in newness of life? Do you love the Lord Jesus, His Word, and seek to obey Him in every area of your life?

“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands” (Proverbs 14:1)

With wisdom we build up our homes. Where do we find wisdom? We find it in God’s Word. We must be in His Word daily, then we must apply it to our lives. We must continually renew our minds with truth and take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. We must seek counsel and learn from godly, older women who have walked the path before us. If we don’t do this and instead are led by our emotions and feelings, we will be foolish women who tear down our own homes.

“Whoso finds a wife finds a good thing, and favour of the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22)

Yes, marriage is ordained by God. It was not good for man to be alone so God created a help meet for him. Unfortunately, many women don’t understand their created purpose but for those who do, their husbands are blessed men indeed!

“A prudent wife is from the Lord” (Proverbs 19:14)

Prudent means cautious and practically wise. She has common sense, lives within her husband’s income, obeys biblical principles, and loves her husband deeply. She is a pleasure to live with.

“A gracious woman retains honor” (Proverbs 11:6)

Gracious means she is kind, friendly, and forgives easily (merciful). She is not easily offended, doesn’t hold onto grudges, and lives her life for eternity. She loves people more than things, is not envious of others and what they have, and has learned to be moderate in all things (1 Corinthians 9:25).

My question for you: Are you building your home up with wisdom and sound judgment or are you tearing it down with your emotions and feelings? Which Proverbs woman are you?

Forsaking the Husband of Her Youth

Forsaking the Husband of Her Youth

Women are filing 80 percent of divorces! This should not be. Many today have conveniently forgotten the vow they made to God and all of the witnesses that were at their wedding. The vow that they would remain married to their husbands until death do they part, even through the good times and the bad times. More people are covenantbreakers (Romans 1:31) instead of covenantkeepers which is tragic on many levels.

Women in past generations needed their husbands as their providers and protectors. This is the way God intended marriages to function and it was good. Feminism has convinced women that they are better on their own and an original intention of feminism was to destroy marriages which they have successfully accomplished. God has warned us about women like these.

Which forsaketh the guide of her youth, and forgetteth the covenant of her God.
Proverbs 2:17

“Not God, the God of her life, and who had provided for her from her youth up; nor her parent that had taken care of her in her infancy, and had been the guardian of her virgin state; but her husband, to whom she was married in her youth, and to whom she gave up herself to be guided and directed, ruled and governed, by…and forgetteth the covenant of her God: not the covenant made with Noah, in which adultery, as well as other things, were forbidden; nor the law of Moses, or covenant at Sinai, in which it was condemned; but the marriage covenant, which she entered into with her husband when espoused to him, and when they mutually obliged themselves to be faithful to one another: and this is called ‘the covenant of God’; not only because God is the author and instituter of marriage, and has directed and enjoined persons to enter into such a contract with one another; but because he is present at it, and is a witness of such an engagement, mid is appealed unto in it; which, as it adds to the solemnity of it, makes the violation of it the more criminal.” (Gill’s Exposition)

As John Piper wrote in his article Staying Married is Not Staying in Love:

“The most ultimate thing we can say about marriage is that it exists for God’s glory. That is, it exists to display God. Now we see how: marriage is patterned after Christ’s covenant relationship to the church. And therefore the highest meaning and the most ultimate purpose of marriage is to put the covenant relationship of Christ and his church on display. That is why marriage exists. If you are married, that is why you are married.

“Staying married, therefore, is not about staying in love. It is about keeping covenant. ‘Till death do us part,’ or, ‘As long as we both shall live’ is sacred covenant promise — the same kind Jesus made with his bride when he died for her. Therefore, what makes divorce and remarriage so horrific in God’s eyes is not merely that it involves covenant breaking to the spouse, but that it involves misrepresenting Christ and his covenant. Christ will never leave his wife. Ever. There may be times of painful distance and tragic backsliding on our part. But Christ keeps his covenant forever. Marriage is a display of that!”

What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Mark 10:9

Egalitarian Marriages Cause Contention

Egalitarian Marriages Cause Contention

Most couples have had arguments about their roles in marriage. Most wives want their husbands to help with the home and children. Some husbands want their wives to make money and contribute financially to the home. This usually causes a lot of conflict, especially for women who want to have careers and aren’t interested in being full-time mothers or homemakers and husbands who see dollars signs instead of the value of having a mother home full time with his children.

As believers, we know that God has ordained men as head over their wives. We know that He has ordained that women be keepers at home and look well to the ways of their household. Wives are to be submissive and obedient to their husbands. Men are ordained to make a living for their families. These are God’s perfect ways. We always get in trouble when we depart from His ways. Lindsay Harold gives a great illustration of this.

“Egalitarianism (mutual submission) is like having a shared lawn with your neighbor while complementarianism (wives live in submission to their husbands) is like having separate lawns.

“If you share a lawn with your neighbor, you might have an expectation that he do half of the work to maintain it, and if he does nothing or very little to maintain the lawn, you are likely to feel anger towards him for not doing his share of the shared work. But if you have your own lawn and your neighbor has his, then you work on your own lawn and he does his. And if he ever comes over to mow your lawn for you, you feel grateful for his help and it builds goodwill between you. Why? Because he did something for you that he didn’t have to do.

“In a marriage, it works much the same way. If you feel that all work should be shared equally, and none of it is solely any one person’s job, then you’ll be checking to see if the other person is doing their fair share and you’ll get angry if they don’t. But if you have separate chores for him and for her, then not only is there less strife over who is doing enough of the work, but when you get help from the other person, you feel gratitude. It’s not just grudgingly accepting that they did what they should have done, but actual gratitude and goodwill. And that makes a huge difference.”

As a wise pastor once taught, “Expectations are resentment waiting to happen.” Don’t allow expectations to destroy your relationship with your husband. The Lord has made him head over your and He has called you to submit to his leadership. When this is followed, there is peace.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Ephesians 5:22, 23

Wives Suffering Under Patriarchy

Wives Suffering Under Patriarchy

The word “Patriarchy” has very bad connotations these days. The word simply means “the male head of a family or tribe” but feminists have fought hard to get rid of Patriarchy because of the “cruelness” and “unfairness” of it. I asked the women in the chat room this question: “Can you all share with me the pain and misery you are suffering under Patriarchy? I need to make a blog post about this to warn women of God’s ways.”

Verna: “A happy marriage. It’s dreadful.”

Nicole: “On the contrary, I’m suffering from being OUT from under Patriarchy! I anxiously await the day my husband will be restored to his rightful place in our home as head over our family.”

Diane: “I am suffering terribly with this man who gets up every morning at 4:30 am and works from 5:00 am until anywhere from 4:00 to 6:00 pm every day building machines. He also leaves me on Saturdays from 4:00 am until noon. Then he comes home and does things like cutting out a wall to put in a new sliding glass door for me. Then he takes me to church every Sunday morning. He says he loves me. He gives me a nice vehicle to drive and a credit card to buy all the gas I want. He pays all the bills and gives me more grocery money than I need. He takes me away on trips now and then and always remembers my birthday and our anniversary. I get to stay home, homeschool, keep house, and cook everyday. I have had the joy of raising three daughters, and now I get to enjoy grandchildren. Someone rescue me from this pain and misery!”

Taylor: “Yeah I never have to work a ‘real job’ another day in my life and I don’t have to trust strangers with my children. It’s the WORST 😜.”

Candis: “I don’t have cable or dish/tv, can you believe it? He makes me live without it. He makes me go on cruise ships, stay at home with my twin girls, drive a brand new mini-van. And I didn’t get anything for Christmas but a brand new bathroom! He only asks that the bed be made and ice tea…Save Me! lol”

Kylene: “I get to stay home with my children and homeschool them. I get to teach them, influence them, cook nutritious meals for my family, etc. When my husband is off work, I get to be with him instead of at work (and so do my children because they’re here, too). We’re all so oppressed. 🙄”

Christine: “When I’ve been so scared I couldn’t talk, he was there with words.
When I couldn’t see straight because of tears, he lead me.
When I couldn’t find the time, he made time
When I didn’t have the energy, he lifted me.
When I thought I couldn’t love enough, he showed me how!
He loves me just like Jesus loves his church.”

Patricia: “We had a terrible hail storm last April. It destroyed our vinyl siding, roof, and screens on the house. Because of patriarchy, I didn’t have to deal with insurance adjusters, roofers, and contractors. I was able to be in the house making my husband his favorite rice pudding during the final inspections. It’s rough, Lori Alexander ❤”

Carlee: “It’s so hard to get to be around my child all day and not have to worry about him being in someone else’s care. It is the worst when he’s sick and I don’t get to go to work and hope someone else notices his symptoms the way I do. And my husband is so controlling – he insists I take time to care for myself and will occasionally force me to rest while he picks up dinner on his way home. I get to have a clean house at my leisure and home-cooked meals daily! I never get to experience the heartbreak and confusion of casual sex or wondering where I stand with this guy I hooked up with. I get to have the same man all the time and he comes with a legally binding commitment to me. How boring! 😫”

Molly: “I have received more blessings than I ever deserve because of my father and husband. I’ve been loved, cared for, and valued by both. I can’t stand the disdain our culture seems to have for men in general. It’s so dumb and no different than old-fashioned bigotry of hating entire groups of people just because. I thank God everyday for my husband, who is humble and hard-working. Last week, he took off time from work to go with me to a doctor appointment because I was scared. He drives me wherever I need to go and is much calmer and wiser than I am. It’s clear that God wants me to look up to my husband and listen to him, and I regret that I didn’t always treat him that way. Thank you, Lori and friends on this page, for showing me the light! I feel badly for my friends who never married because they are missing out on that provision and love.”

Libby: “The cruel Patriarchy I grew up with is a loving father who is to this day affectionate and kind to myself and my daughters. And I have a wicked, wicked husband who provides a comfy life and works his booty off for me. It’s so difficult when he helps me around the house even when I don’t ask him, and he goes out of his way to bless my day with happiness.”

Chelsea: “I’m provided for, I have a kitchen full of food without ever needing to make a paycheck. My children have never gone without yet I never have to leave their side. I have a doting, loving husband who kisses my forehead and cuddles me all night. I’m able to fulfill all of my dreams with his help and support and I have the freedom to do everything I’ve ever wanted. I’m living out my purpose every single day and get to go to sleep at night feeling fulfilled knowing I have healthy, intelligent children because of my ability to spend undivided time with them. It’s terrible.”

Nicole: “I get so tired, I take a nap most days after we are done homeschooling and the little ones are napping. It’s awful. 😴😂”

Sonja: “No pain and suffering here. I’m so thankful that I am protected from the world by a man who is happy to have me at home.”

Here are some thoughts on Patriarchy by Ken:

“One hears a great deal today about ‘the end of hierarchy… This is blatant nonsense. In any institution there has to be a final authority, that is, a ‘boss’—someone who can make the final decisions and who can expect them to be obeyed.” (Peter Drucker, Management Challenges for the 21st Century). If the greatest mind we have had on management and organizational structure clearly says that we need “someone who can make the final decision” in every organization, why not the family and marriage?

As we were walking tonight Lori told me she posted a tongue-in-cheek question in her chat room asking “How are you doing under Patriarchy?” I am not a big fan of the word Patriarchy as I don’t see the word in the Bible and it carries with it a mix of false connotations and some real sins committed by false religion under the guise of Christianity. If Patriarchy means a father is the head of his home and he rules it with servant leadership, I am all in. If it means a father is in any way unloving or unChristian towards his wife and family I want nothing to do with it and neither should you.

The Patriarchy of the Old Testament was necessary for tribal leadership. Imagine that we had all our four kids and soon to be seven grandkids all living under one roof or compound and issues came up that needed to be decided. The idea that we would all get together in a room and talk it out is a great American ideal, but so impractical, as not only does “decision by committee” take a lot of time, but what do you do when you cannot get consensus?

“We are running out of grazing land and food for the family and animals and need to move on, Dad. Should I call everyone together to decide when and where we should go now?”

“The Amorites are attacking from the south and will be here before dusk! Should we have a family meeting to decide what to do?”

Patriarchy in the Old Testament was the result of a necessity that God addressed by making the men of the family the leaders, and the oldest of the men, the elders, the final decision makers. It was a necessary model of organization that served the tribe well and kept disputes and conflict under control while providing direction and leadership. Remember, much of the family in these days worked within the family business too, and that business was owned and operated by Dad.

I do not see the OT model of Patriarchy in the New Testament, nor do I see the necessity or benefit of a father making decisions for his grown sons and their families who are not living under the same roof. For that matter, a Christian father should be trying to distance his influence over his sons and daughters as they become adults and allow them to create and govern their own family units. My job of being Patriarch ended the day that my child left home for good, and now they must make their own way in life, hopefully God’s way. I certainly am available to them for counsel if they choose to use me as their sounding board, but I have no intention of making any family decisions for them.

So what does the New Testament teach? It teaches that a husband is to be the head of his wife and rule his house well, with love, joy, peace, goodness and all of the fruit of the Spirit flowing through him. He is to be the leader of his home, yet his leadership depends mainly on a wife who loves, respects and willfully submits to his leadership. The husband as leader of his home is to be the final decision maker that is necessary for a healthy organization and family, but his decisions should not be self-serving, but rather focused on the family as a whole and the well being of each of its members.

I much prefer the word leader to Patriarch for our NT times, and I can’t over-emphasize that a Christian wife following her husband is voluntary and cannot be forced. If a wife chooses to be difficult and disobedient to God’s Word, a godly husband’s recourse is limited to conversation, prayer, and perhaps allowing her to suffer the natural consequences of her rebellion to his leadership. Just like Christ does not appear to be zapping us for our disobedience towards Him and His Word, so, too, a husband must be patient to wait upon the Lord to work on his wife’s heart to bring her to a desire to be Christian in her behavior.

“All things Christian” must be the motto of our homes, and when one or the other spouse goes away from what is clearly taught in God’s Word the family suffers. But what does it look like when a wife accepts her husband’s leadership in her life and marriage? Hear it from the words of those who are experiencing God’s blessings by doing things God’s ways. God’s ways can’t be put into a word like Patriarchy, or even leadership.

When the Spirit of Christ is flowing in and through two of his children who want to make for themselves a fabulous marriage and family, the results can be spectacular as the women shared above. I was not Patriarch, but I was a faithful servant of my God and I lead my family well, even when my difficult wife at times refused to follow, then became the best wife I could have ever imagined. The result of God’s work is now four other families who love doing things God’s ways and are extending God’s promises down to another generation of God’s family.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
Ephesians 5:23

The Beauty of Being Virgins on the Wedding Night

The Beauty of Being Virgins on the Wedding Night

God’s will for us is to only have sex within the bonds of marriage. My Mom taught us to wait for sex until we were married and I’m glad she did. I knew sex outside of marriage was wrong and would only give myself to the man who put a ring on my finger and vowed until death do us part. We taught our children the same thing. It’s safe boundaries for them. Children need and want boundaries, especially in this highly-sexualized culture we live in.

We are commanded in 3 John 11 to “follow not that which is evil, but that which is good.” So we follow the good, right, and holy in what we fill our minds with, what we see, and what we do. Before marriage, we follow sexual purity in all of our relationships. These are for our good! All of God’s commands to us are for our benefit.

I asked the women in the chat room, “If you were a virgin on your honeymoon, what benefit did you and have you found from being one?” Here are many of their responses:

 “I remember on my honeymoon night thinking, ‘I am so glad I am married to this man since it’s SO intimate and we have LOTS of time to practice.’ 🙂 I also loved and love knowing that neither of us have anyone else to compare with and there was no chance of sexual diseases.”

“Knowing that I kept myself pure for my husband! It’s a great feeling still when I think about it now.”

“It’s a special gift I gave my husband.”

“I remember waking up on my wedding morning so thankful that I was a virgin. I would say that since we have both only with each other we trust each other a lot more than some of of our friends who did not save sex for marriage.”

“I am thankful that I saved myself for marriage. My husband was the same way so we both were able to learn only about each other.”

“Starting my marriage and faith in Christ with no baggage of sexual immorality is a blessing. It’s a great feeling that I did not fail in this area before coming to Christ and that I was pure for my husband to be solely his.”

“I think just knowing that we are the only ones who have ever seen each other in this way and definitely having no one else to compare with. It just makes it so much more special knowing that we saved ourselves for each other.”

“It made me feel safe because it’s so vulnerable that I couldn’t imagine sharing that experience with someone who didn’t just vow in front of God and witnesses to love you forever. I must say I was so nervous about leaving our wedding because I suspected most people knew we waited, so it was so awkward. I know I shouldn’t have been, but it was, at least for me.”

“Knowing that we will never have to worry about comparisons to past partners is something that secures us. Having something you’ve shared with literally only ONE person in the entire world is pretty amazing!”

“I felt like it was a very special gift we have to each other. There was no comparison, no pressure, just pure love and marital passion. 🤗”

“You are all very blessed!!!! I pray my kids will be able to make comments like this one day!”

“I loved that we both waited for our wedding night. I remember the day after our wedding night and being so aware of that oneness. In a day and age where so many people don’t think twice about sex before marriage, I trusted God’s ways and waited. And I was blessed more than I thought I ever could be. I am the only one in my family who waited until marriage and I love the fact that when we have children and discuss this issue, we can tell them that regardless of what the world says, we obeyed God and His word.”

“It was wonderful to be able to tell our children that in this sexually saturated culture that we waited until marriage and all of our children waited, too! They knew it was possible!”

“Purity, honesty, and loyalty… The promise of a complete and whole marriage that was not contaminated by immorality but filled with a true and lasting friendship that only he and I would experience with each other.”

“I thought it was a special gift we saved for each other and was so excited and nervous at the same time; to learn and enjoy one another in the most possible closeness with God’s blessing and permission.”

“I love(d) that my only experience has been how he/we like it. I don’t have to worry about past experiences clouding my mind.”

“I love that my memory of my first time is one I can remember fondly with him, not one I have to feel ashamed of.”

“Well…. I wasn’t a virgin, but I’m going to do everything I can to teach my kids how important it is to wait. These stories are beautiful.”

“Yes, my husband and I both were. It’s nice to learn it together, with no expectations and nothing to compare to. It’s special to only share that with your spouse. As with other ladies here, I agree pornography addiction definitely feels like an invasion and betrayal of that pure, private experience though.”

“We both were virgins and I think that has helped me completely trust him with myself, body, soul, emotions, etc. We both had insecurities about our bodies which the other was able to love unconditionally. I love the fact that he has been the only one I’ve ever been with so intimately! I have no images or emotions to overcome from past relationships. I’m also glad I can tell our children mommy and daddy understand the struggle but waited and are so thankful we did and encourage them to do the same. I remember we were so ready that we didn’t even stay very long at our reception! Like only one and a half hours and we were out of there!”

Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.
Hebrews 13:4

Do Women Have to Compensate for Men’s Weakness?

Do Women Have to Compensate for Men’s Weakness?

A woman wrote the following comment to me trying to explain why she divorced her husband and why feminism is so badly needed.

“Let me say this though, I was married for 14 years and it ended in divorce in 2015. While we were married, he believed that all he had to do was provide and then his ‘obligations’ as a man were covered. Always obligations never with gratitude or recognition of his blessings. It seems to me a lot of men believe that providing is enough.

“Men put provision on such a scale and uplift in an attempt to guilt trip the women in their lives from complaining. I was holding down the home with three young kids. Cooking, cleaning, homeschooling, and completely exhausted by the end of the day. He wanted 30 minutes to unwind before being bothered with kids and family when he came home. Thirty minutes turned into hours in the garage tinkering with cars always with a promise to eventually join the family. When he finally joined us he was p**** off for having to do so and treated the kids with disdain.

“Every Sunday, I dragged his sorry self out of bed for church and got everybody ready by myself. He’d still be laying in bed and make us late for church week after week.

“Now I am a single mom with three kids and I have the added luxury of being a provider and student as well. The providing is the least of my difficulties, if all I had to do was get my self out of bed and go to work while my spouse did EVERYTHING else…it’d be an easy life. Now I do it all.

“Men today are such crybabies and that’s why the feminism we’re experiencing today is so extreme, the men are weaker so the women have to compensate.”

So let’s see, she divorced her husband because he wouldn’t do what she wanted him to do. Let me ask you a question: Is this woman’s life easier or harder since she divorced her husband? When she was married, she had to do everything concerning the home and children, but her husband provided the money for her to stay home full time. After she divorced him, she still had to take care of everything concerning the home and the children but now she had to do the providing. She tried to use her example to prove that her husband’s life was easier than her own, thus her husband was weak and this was a reason for divorce.

In reality, she had it made when she was married. She had the entire day to take care of her home and children. She didn’t need to worry about making money to pay the bills or the stress of working outside of the home. Did she ever show her husband appreciation? Did she ever ponder how she treated her husband and the words that she said to him? I seriously doubt it. If she had he may have been much more willing to help her and even want to be around her when he got home but if he came home to an angry and disappointed wife every day, it’s not much motivation for a husband to want to be around.

Has feminism become popular because men are so weak, as she claims, or have men become weaker because of feminism? I believe it’s the latter because feminism has confused the roles. They have caused women to not appreciate husbands who work hard to provide. Too many women now expect their husbands to come home and help with the children and housework and they are continually angry at their husbands when they don’t live up to their expectations.

I know there are many similar cases as this one because of my viral post. The fact that I would suggest that wives be content if their husbands don’t help around the home sparked outrage. I expected my husband to help around the home for the first few years of my marriage and was continually upset with him which tore down our marriage. This is what I was taught in culture and by others. These expectations only harmed our marriage.

Oh, and can I let you in on a secret, women. Most men like to have at least 30 minutes after a long day at work to rest and have peace. Let him have this time to himself if this is what he needs. Men are out there “slaying dragons” as Dr. Laura used to say and it’s not easy to carry the burden of providing for the family. Greet him with a hug and a kiss then let him rest. In this way, he will look forward to coming home and being with you!

Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
Proverbs 14:1