The Transformed Wife

Women have asked me why I support homeschooling because they don’t believe there is any biblical support behind it. Oh, really? God commands fathers to raise their children in the nurture (to educate; to bring or train up) and the admonition (gentle reproof; counseling against a fault; instructions in duties; caution; direction) of the Lord. He commands younger women to be keepers at home and love their children, i.e. be the ones home to love, protect, and raise their children.

The greatest passage in the Bible against public schooling is found in 2 Corinthians 6:14-17: “Be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? Or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? For ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.”

We are also warned that bad company corrupts good morals and we are also commanded to walk with the wise. We are told to teach the Lord’s ways to our children continually. “And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up” (Deuteronomy 11:19).

Joel Belz in his article A History of Separation wrote, “My very first exposure to the general truth of that assertion (that splitting up family units has always been a specialty of what we used to call ‘liberal’ political interests, but which many refer to as ‘progressive’) came some 70 years ago when I overheard my father talking with my mother and other folks from our church. ‘There’s just no way,’ I remember Dad’s saying, ‘that we’re going to keep tolerating our children being swallowed up by those big yellow monsters—just to go and be taught an alien gospel.’ Several local public schools were in the process of being consolidated into just one, and for Dad, the big buses that would haul us to a more distant town were grim symbols of a government stripping from parents their God-given rights and duty to shape their own children’s education.”

There’s nothing in the word of God that calls us to ship our children off to strangers five days a week for hours a day for all of their childhood. The purpose of having children is to raise godly offspring (Malachi 2:15) and how will they become godly if they aren’t being raised full time by godly parents? God has been kicked out of the public schools yet Christians all over the place continue to send their precious children, who have soft, teachable hearts and are so impressionable, to be taught the ways of the world.

The peers that your children will be with all day long will have a great influence upon them which is not good either. You all can see the garbage that is on the TV, movies, and the music people are listening to but most parents don’t censor any of this for their precious children. These children will share this worldly garbage with your Christian children. Children in public schools are not being protected from the evil of our culture by their mothers! As culture grows darker, we must be all the more diligent to protect our children from Satan’s influences.

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.
1 Peter 5:8

Written By Ken

Here are some of the things we believe have really helped us with raising godly children:

1) Love them and accept them fully, finding ways to praise and encourage their strengths while regularly working graciously on their weaknesses. Never allow a weakness of sin to go unchallenged, but do it in a loving and accepting way.

2) Discipline. Make sure your children understand that so long as they live in your home they must follow your simple rules, especially the rule that in our home we will do “all things Christian.” Teach a disciplined life, especially over emotions. No cross word or anger should be allowed to go unchallenged without speaking of God’s grace and His desires for how we treat one another with love and respect.

3) When you see a child starting to fall in with the world, with bad friends or desires, jump right in and talk and talk and talk to them. I had 60-90 minute talks at times with my child to work not on their behavior but their thinking. All bad behavior or wrong desires comes from bad thinking, so find the lies they are telling themselves and replace them with the truth and the truth of God’s Word.

4) You and your husband should establish for your family what you as a family are all about. For the Lori and Ken Alexander family we were about four things, and our children could rattle these four things off with ease. We could appeal to them when they violated one of these four things and ask them to reflect on their own purposes in life. They knew they could one day choose to accept or change what is most important to them and their family some day, but while they lived with us, they were to live by these simple precepts:

 Love God and Serve Him
 Do what is Right
 Be the best you can be
 Treat others the way you would like to be treated

5) Pray for each one of them every day and let them know you are praying over them, and what you are praying for their lives.

6) Live your life joyfully and confidently in the Lord. Lead them by the example of Mom and Dad and how much joy and love they have in the Lord Jesus. The greatest gift we can give our children in life is have them watch our faith in action, and if we really believe what we believe, we will be singing and praising and playing and praying all in the joy of the Lord. Believing that no matter what may come, our God is in the struggles of life with us all the way, for we are in Christ, and Christ is in us.

7) When the teenage years come, it is time to teach them one more principle that “there are a lot of stupid people in this world, don’t be one of them.” They will watch their friends want to do stupid and risky things and they need a mind that can process why they do not just go along with the crowd. They need to realize that just because their friends are drinking and doing dope, or having sex before marriage that this does not prove anything except that there are a lot of stupid people in this world doing stupid things. It will give them a reason to make good choices seeing the wisdom of God vs. the folly of this world as so well seen in the book of Proverbs.

8) Hide the Word of God in their hearts. Take them to AWANA or do your own Bible memorization competitions in your own home. Consider paying prizes for memorizing the book of Ephesians or at least the first 3-4 chapters and Colossians 3, and any verses that speak of our new life in Christ. Help them understand who they are in Christ Jesus and out of that reality they will live a new life, abundant and freed from sin and the appeal of this world. Study together Michael Pearl’s great commentaries on the matter especially listening to Romans 6-8 which are audio MP3’s on his site, but also get his DVD’s called “Sin No More.” No this does not mean we will never sin, but it does mean that if we are in Christ, we will walk a righteous life that is dead to sin and alive to Christ.

9) Never give up, and never lose hope. Show your children what a walk in the Spirit looks like as you shine the fruit of the Spirit in your life. Tell your children daily to begin the day and the rest of their life “with the end in mind.” “What do you want your life to reflect today and what do you want your life to look like at the end of your days?” Keeping a heavenly focus and perspective is the way to live a victorious Christian life as the struggles of this world come our way.

10) “You know I will always love you.” These words were the last words my children often heard at night as I tucked them into bed and prayed with them. “That no matter what may come, no matter what they may do, Daddy will always love you, even if he has to kick you out of the home someday.” Unconditional love is the foundation upon which children can grow up to have healthy self-worth and self-being. It is the unconditional love of our heavenly Father that we must give our children and love and adore them greatly, while always correcting sin as gently but as firmly as necessary to stop it in its tracks.

Our children are the greatest gifts God could ever give us, and they are the gifts that keep giving with beautiful grandchildren who are also walking with Jesus day by day. There is no greater joy than to know that our children and their children love God and His ways. Invest in them in these ways early and often then leave the rest to the Lord to honor your faithfulness. “Expect nothing, but hope for the best!” For our hope is in God and not the things of this world.

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4

“Let’s say an 18 year old woman came to you seeking out your advice. She loves the Lord. She doesn’t want to go to college as all of her friends are doing. The Christian colleges are way too expensive and the secular colleges are too godless, plus she has no interest in having a career. All she wants is to be a wife and mother, if the Lord blesses her with a husband. How would you advise her?”

Luba: “Use this time for the following:
* Hours of Bible reading and prayer
* Learning all you can about running a household
* Learning to cook healthy meals
* Be a blessing to parents
* Help an elderly lady at church with cleaning and errand running
* Learn all you can about being a godly wife
* Be content until God brings you a husband
* Pray about starting a business (being a nanny, cleaning – the possibilities are endless)”

Amanda: “This sounds like my 17 year old daughter! She was thinking she would go to university next year and study nursing. I didn’t try to talk her into or out of it, but just prayed she would follow God’s lead in her life. In the last few months, I have seen her change. She talked to my husband and me recently and explained she no longer felt university was for her. She wants to be a wife and mother first and foremost.

“I have advised her to stay home while she waits for God to bring her husband along and in the meantime, learn all she can in the way of managing a home and caring for a family. I have told her to make sure she spends a lot of time in God’s Word and covers her future in prayer and commits it to the Lord. She is also reading some really good Christian books on Godly Womanhood, like Preparing to be a Help Meet, Let Me Be A Woman, Godly Woman 101, Girl Defined, and Love Defined. And you know what, since she has decided not to go to university, she looks so much happier and at peace. She joyfully helps me with laundry (she says ironing is her ‘happy place’!), loves to bake, and clean. I have seen very positive changes in her, and it’s very encouraging.

“Note: she is still in school completing her last year (Christian School), and works casually on Saturdays and after school at (none other than?) McDonald’s. She has learned piano for many years and will be able to conduct piano lessons from home if she chooses.”

Julie: “I am a firm believer that college is NOT necessary. However, I do think it’s important to learn how to work and earn money. Developing a good work ethic and financial responsibility is never a bad thing, in my opinion. It doesn’t necessarily need to be like a waitress or a grocery store clerk, but maybe earn money babysitting/nannying, or maybe house-cleaning?”

Vickie: “When I first decided to stay home, we needed some extra money and I cleaned two houses a week. With only one child at the time, I brought him with me and made enough to pay for all of our groceries. My daughter is like this, too. I agree with all of what Luba said.

“In addition, we live on a small farm and raise animals. She is taking on some of that so she can sell some livestock and with our goat milk we have started a small business selling soap and other natural products. She can do most of it from home and is getting a website started. This way she has been able to make some money of her own and if it continues she could do this as a wife and mother if she chooses. Another thing she has talked about is being a hairdresser. You can go to technical school and that is something she could also do from home with a family.

“She has bought old furniture from yard sales and refinished it and resold for a good profit. There are many things out there like this and she really enjoys being helpful. She does not have a boyfriend but she is looking forward to it. She isn’t sitting around dwelling on it either. She keeps busy and feels when the timing is right, the Lord will let her know.”

Christina: “I’d tell her great. The only thing I would advise to do that if she does decide to go, watch where she goes and for what. There may be a day that she needs to have a degree to homeschool so that a teaching degree may be at use or a nursing degree which also could be useful to use at home, too. But if she doesn’t feel she should go, great! But be in God’s Word and in prayer. Make sure she is being the BEST godly woman she can humanly be.”

Dawn: “Much will depend on her parents and living situation. If coming from a girl whose parents are not on board with waiting, praying, and helping around the home until marriage, she will need to attend college and get a job. I would say chose a college degree/certificate that could be ultimately useful in the home or for her future children’s education. Even better, a certificate program rather than a typical four year liberal arts education which will avoid many of the less desirable teachings. Care-taking and administrative type jobs can also build skills for the home.”

Samantha: “Pray a lot, and I mean a lot. Save your heart for the man God wants to put in your life. Learn to cook well, how to manage finances, and how to keep a tidy home. Learn the basics of home keeping if she hasn’t already. Pray over any potential relationship with a man; do some soul searching and be sure he is the right man for you before ever getting engaged. Be friends first and foremost, because if there is no friendship to base the relationship on, then is he really the one God puts in your life and intends for you to marry? Don’t just go out in the world and date willy nilly; be friends first. Build your relationship with God and draw closer to him. Let God guide you and your natural instinct about situations and people in your life; your gut instinct is usually right.”

Paige: “I’d tell her to be open to what God calls her to do. There are many ways to prepare for motherhood: caring for children by babysitting, serving people in her church by helping them in their household, working with her own mother.”

Rebecca: “There are three ways of thinking about it: 1) becoming educated in case you don’t get married; 2) being educated so that you can teach your children at home; 3) not overeducating, thus providing your husband a temptation for you to work because your salary would be so significant. But if you don’t have access or finances to go to a Christian college, being educated isn’t all that good of a thing. There are many things to think about, that’s for sure.”

Tammy: “As with any career, it’s always possible to learn more. As a stay-at-home, homeschooling, mom I can think of some experiences and classes that would have benefited me or had been fun. Cooking classes or working in a nice restaurant would be a fun way to increase cooking skills. Taking some teaching courses online would increase her “qualifications“ to homeschool in some states. Working in a preschool or as a nanny would give her some more insight into caring for different personalities. Cleaning homes is a good way to learn techniques and make good money. Personally. I don’t think any of it is necessary but I do think it could be fun and increase confidence.”

Christine: “Love all the advice above. I want to add to it by saying, if she needs to work, retirement homes, daycares, someplace that she could learn about caring for others in a different way would be a good way to go. This will also help prepare her for the future as a homemaker, wife, and mother.”

Kim: “She might also look at volunteering. There are so many places where she can use her gifts. Many times, those that are in need of volunteers and would love to see younger faces. I have been volunteering at a local church run foodbank for 12 years and when I first started I was the youngest! I was still home schooling, so I brought my kids to help. It was a great way to get them involved and teach them empathy.”

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
1 Timothy 5:14

“The mums on the SAHM forum are not alone in sharing their feelings of regret. Over on Facebook, a community called I Regret Having Children boasts over 10,000 members. ‘This page is here to let all the mothers and fathers know that regretting having a kid(s) is not abnormal and shouldn’t be a taboo subject,’ it reads.”

When I was a teacher, most of the teachers I worked with felt the same way about having children; they regretted it. I suppose there’s a very important reason that God commands older women to teach younger women to love their children – love your children enough to have them and to raise them correctly. We are selfish by nature and bearing and raising children is an act of unselfishness and sacrifice.

We can understand clearly why unbelievers would feel regret over having children, as one woman clearly stated below, but this should never be said among us.

“‘For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools..’ (Romans 1:21-22). When you reject God, He gives you over to a senseless, darkened mind and unnatural affections follow, which remove natural affections.”

As the Bible states, people will become lovers of themselves. They will only want to do what they want to do and take no thought about what is best for others or society but as believers in Jesus Christ, we are not this way. Our reasonable service to the Lord is to learn to be unselfish and live for Him instead.

Children are throw-aways in our culture as seen by the millions of abortions that are performed every year. In God’s eyes, children are blessings to be welcomed and loved with open arms. I want to encourage you in a few ways that will make it easier to love your children. It’s difficult to love and enjoy children that are not trained and disciplined properly.

First of all, be diligent in training and disciplining them when they are young. While you are raising your children, you will be continually teaching them to make right choices. Make sure they understand “no” and obey you. Let them know that they aren’t the boss of the family. Deal with disobedience quickly and consistently. A few good spankings usually deal with this the most effectively. The faster you teach them self-control, the more you will enjoy being around your children.

No, your children don’t need to be constantly entertained by you or technology. Let them learn to entertain themselves. It will develop their imaginations. Don’t let them whine and complain. Make them sit in the “whining and complaining” chair quietly for ten minutes every time they whine or complain. Do this consistently. It’s your responsibility to teach and train your children to be self-disciplined adults in all areas of their lives.

When they are young, insist they all have naps or “quiet times” for two hours a day, then put them to bed early at night. Every mother needs some time to herself and rest if needed. You must not let your child to dictate his/her schedule. You must dictate it.

No, raising children is not easy but it is good. The narrow path that we are called to take isn’t the easy path. It’s the path that leads to life! Raise your children to be godly – to know God’s Word and obey it. Then you will find that your children are the gifts that keep on giving! As you are raising them, you are storing your treasures in heaven; the best place for treasures to be stored and you will not have one moment of regret for bringing them into this world.

Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
Psalm 127:3

Written By Rusty Thomas

Someone asked about the significance of our children being shot out from the bow of family and church meant based upon our interview with the Texas Homeschool Magazine. Here is my answer and hope that it blesses many.

“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, The fruit of the womb is a reward. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, So are the children of one’s youth. Happy is the man who has his quiver full of them; They shall not be ashamed, But shall speak with their enemies in the gate” (Psalm 127:3-5)

Psalm 127 compares children to arrows, kingdom ammunition to raise up in the fear and admonishment of the Lord. Eventually, we are to place them in the bow of the family and church and shoot them towards the gates of the land.

Gates in the Old Testament represented the three-fold seat of authority, political, judicial, and commerce. It was there that God would use our children to subdue the enemies at the gates to establish righteousness and justice in the land.

Once Christians understand this significance, the reference of Jesus building His church and the GATES of hell will not prevail takes on a whole new meaning.

This is also the main reason why Satan goes after the seed of man by promoting birth control, abortion, and the deathstyle of homosexuality. He knows what the church has either forgotten or has purposely rejected by adopting the same anti-child ethic of the world.

Far too many Christians believe that children are a burden, rather than a blessing. The same reason why the world marches into death camps to murder the preborn is the same reason why a lot of Christians prevent having children. They do not possess a Kingdom worldview nor understand the battle to fulfill the Great commission in our poor fallen world.

Malachi reveals, “Yet you say, “For what reason?” Because the Lord has been witness Between you and the wife of your youth, With whom you have dealt treacherously; Yet she is your companion And your wife by covenant. But did He not make them one, Having a remnant of the Spirit? And why one? He seeks godly offspring. Therefore take heed to your spirit, And let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth” (Malachi 2:14, 15).

Notice that His desire is for a godly seed to populate the earth. This helps to explain the battle between two seeds, the seed of the serpent vs. the seed of the woman (Genesis 3:15). The only question that remains is what seed are we? We must be born-again, another reference to seed if we will be translated from being the seed of the serpent to become the seed of the woman.

Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.
Psalm 127:5

*Rev. Thomas has a father’s mantle and spreads a patriarchal vision to reclaim the masculine identity that has been neutered by the feminization of America. He and his wife, Kendra Thomas, home schooled thirteen children at the Thomas Nation’s University of Righteousness.

There is nothing biblical about going to college so let’s just get that out of the way. There’s no command that tells women that they must get a job or even make money. Yes, there are examples of women who made money in the Bible but no commands from God that women are required to make money. Women going to college and making money are not biblical concepts so let’s not try to say that they are or are of any value to God.

Women have told me that college makes better mothers. Is this true? I don’t believe so at all. All that is required of a mother to be a good mother is for her to love her children deeply, sacrifice for them, and want to be the one who raises them full time. Yes, some want to raise them full time but are unable. I am not referring to them. The key word is “want.” Many mothers don’t want to be the ones raising their children and I believe college has made this much more common.

As I have stated in previous posts, most colleges are extremely expensive so mothers come into marriage with a lot of debt. This debt often prevents the couple from having children sooner rather than later and if they do have children, the mothers most likely have to keep working to pay off the debt. This doesn’t make a good mother.

Dennis Prager stated that people go into universities knowing the difference between male and female and come out not knowing the difference. So this is a big negative for secular universities. The Bible warns us to not be equally yoked with unbelievers (and no, this isn’t concerning marriage but that is true, too. Look at 1 Corinthians 6:14-18.) We are repeatedly warned against listening to false teachers and those who manipulate the Word of God which are both rampant in the universities.

The colleges teach women nothing about biblical womanhood (how to be a good wife and mother). In fact, even the Christian colleges teach women more about how to be a feminist: how to be independent, how to make money, and how women don’t need a man. This was true even many years ago when I attended a Christian college. As believers in Jesus Christ, this is not what we are commanded to learn. We are taught to depend on the Lord Jesus Christ and then if we get married, to depend upon our husband’s protection and provision.

Children are more insecure and emotionally unstable than they were in past generations and I believe it’s due to mothers not being home with their children full time. Dr. Brenda Hunter in her book “Home By Choice” proves this to be true. Of course God wants mothers raising their own children! I’m not sure why so many women are offended by this truth.

Colleges, debt, and careers have taken mothers from their children and this has been devastating. Marriages are crumbling and children are abandoned. It’s a very high price that our children have had to pay so women can go to college and have careers.

No, I’m not telling women to not go to college but warning them about the consequences. Many young people who were raised in Christian homes walk away from the faith in universities. This is the worse consequence of all but how can we expect anything different when we disobey the Word of God (1 Corinthians 6:14-18).

If you can get through college without any debt, get a career that you can quit immediately when you have your first baby, keep a solid foundation in Jesus Christ and a good godly support system around you, and don’t allow the filth in the universities (if you go to one) not affect you, then go for it but there are things women can do without going to college if they aren’t married.

Our nation idolizes college (as I could clearly see from the responses from my viral post) and, as believers, we should not. We need to carefully count the cost before making any decisions such as this. My mom never went to college and has been an excellent mother which is way more important than any college degree or career she could have had. No, women who go to college don’t automatically make better mothers. That is a myth that can be easily seen by looking at the sad state of our culture and children.

For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. For it is written, He taketh the wise in their own craftiness.
1 Corinthians 3:19

Many today feel a deep sense of emptiness so they try to fill it with drugs, sex, entertainment, money, and many other things. Why is this so common today? Dr. Archibald Hart in his book “Me, Myself, and I” has a good explanation.

“Psychologically, this inner vacuum (feeling of emptiness) is exacerbated by a strange cultural paradox: the self in our time is expected to function in a highly autonomous and isolated way. As the defined norms for health, we ‘individuate’ and ‘differentiate’ very early in life. Most of us are forced to separate from the family, to stand alone, and ‘be ourselves’ by being sent to school.

“Much of what we now see in clinical practice are not major aberrations of the mind, but rather disorders of the self – ranging from sexual identity problems, to feelings of being uncared for, or trying to escape one’s existence through various addictions. Most modern people suffer from a profound erosion of self-worth, interpersonal success, conflict, and identity problems.”

How can we expect to raise healthy children into healthy adults when most parents send their children off to schooling for most of their childhood and the children have to fend for themselves at young ages instead of being nurtured, trained, disciplined, and cared for by their parents in the safe environment of their home? How can we expect anything different from the results we are seeing in our culture when many children are being raised without a mother and father? What about children not being raised full time by their mothers but instead being raised by strangers who can’t possibly love them as much as their mothers love them?

It’s the parents’ job to raise their children in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. It’s their responsibility to give them self-worth by giving them plenty of love and affection along with protecting them with boundaries and discipline. Many parents have abdicated this role to strangers and we, as a culture, are reaping bad fruit as a result.

How come when I encourage married couples to stay married until “death do you part” as God commands, do women have to swarm my Facebook post about them or someone they know being in an abusive relationship and are so thankful they got out? Why can’t they just leave it be and hope it encourages the many who are divorcing because they are not “fulfilled” or not “happy” or have found “their soul mate” who is not their husband, hopefully be convicted by what I write at least for their children’s sake? Am I not supposed to teach women to stay married until death to they part because some women have been or are in abusive relationships (yes, they need to seek protection)? I will continue to teach the truth of God’s Word and pray it will convict those who read it.

God tells us that His people are destroyed for lack of knowledge. Many today who hate God’s ways aren’t having children but Christians still are. The problem is that many of these Christians then send their children off all day to be educated by those who hate God and His ways then lose their children to the world.

Women, we are a remnant and must live in obedience to God with His Spirit working mightily with us! We must stay married, bear children, and raise godly offspring as God has commanded that we do. Protect the remnant from the evil of this day and age. Read the Word of God instead of learning the wicked ways of this world.

Therefore shall ye lay up these my words in your heart and in your soul, and bind them for a sign upon your hand, that they may be as frontlets between your eyes. And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.
Deuteronomy 11:18, 19

There is a huge mistake going on among many parents today. They don’t want to say “no” to their children. They don’t want to correct them. They don’t want to discipline them or use the rod on their bottoms for disobedience. They don’t want to link sin and pain together. They want to be their children’s friend instead of their parent. They want their children to have “freedom of expression.” This is not raising children in wisdom; for God’s Word tells us to raise our children opposite of this foolish way.

“The rod and reproof give wisdom but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother” (Proverbs 29:15).

“The rod and reproof give wisdom,…. Are the means of giving wisdom to a child, reproved by its parent with the rod; and of driving out foolishness from him, and of making him wiser for the time to come; he shunning those evils for which he was before corrected, Proverbs 22:15; So the children of God grow wiser by the corrections and chastisements of their heavenly Father, which are always for their good; and he is a man of wisdom that hearkens to the rod, and to him that has appointed it, and learns the proper instructions from it, Micah 6:9” (Gill’s Exposition).

I had previously thought that parents were not allowed to use anything but a hand to spank their children if they live in California but I was wrong. “Spanking your child with an object other than your hand is also legal, but it must not be excessive in relation to the circumstances which led to the punishment.” We are still allowed to use a “rod” on children anywhere in America as long as it does not physically injure the child. I pray this never changes since this is biblical! Spanking must bring short-term pain to a child in order to accomplish long-term gain.

“…but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame; a child that has the reins thrown upon his neck, is under no restraint of parents, but suffered to take his own way, is left to do his own will and pleasure; he does those things which his parents are ashamed of, one as well as another; though the mother is only mentioned, being generally most fond and indulgent, and most criminal in suffering children to have their own wills and ways; and so has the greater share in the shame that follows on such indulgences.” (Gill’s Exposition)

I have personally witnessed parents who do not spank and discipline their children. Their children grow up to have little to no self-control and live a life of destruction. They don’t fear sin because they weren’t taught to fear it as a child. Most of them have grown old with many regrets.

Yes, it’s usually the mother who doesn’t want to “harm” the child because women are more sensitive and emotional. I have also seen women interfere with their husbands’ discipline of the children and this is devastating for the children’s future. We must never be led by our feelings or emotions but live by the truth of God’s Word. The Lord knows that children need a rod when they misbehave because He knows the seriousness and the destructiveness of sin. The sooner parents nip this in the bud, the better for all.

“Correct they son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul” (Proverbs 29:17). We are commanded to chasten our children as God chastens us. Chasten means to inflict pain for the purpose of reclaiming an offender. We chastened our children with a “rod” when they were young and disobedient. It hurt and it worked! None of them would say they were physically abused and none of them are abusive as many proclaim of those who were spanked. Child raising was a pleasure for us since our children obeyed us and were pleasant to be around. They definitely brought delight to our soul!

“Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest,…. Ease of mind, satisfaction and contentment, freedom from all anxious thoughts and cares; the correction being taken in good part, and succeeding according to wish and design;

“Yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul; by his tenderness to his parents, obedience to them, and respect for them; by his prudent behaviour among men; by his sobriety, diligence, and industry in his calling; by his fear of God, and walking in his ways; than which nothing can give a greater delight and pleasure to religious parents.”

The pain of a spanking has to be greater than the joy of their disobedience. “I believe one of the reasons the Bible speaks so clearly about child discipline is that it doesn’t come naturally to most mothers. We don’t like to see our toddlers cry, and we don’t like to be the cause of their tears. But firm, loving discipline at this age saves many tears and much heartache later on.” (Helen Aardsma)

Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.
Proverbs 19:18

Written by John Rosemond

Given that this is the first column of a new year, I’m proposing a number of parenting New Year’s Resolutions for my readers to consider. The list is by no means comprehensive. It’s just a good beginning on what is probably a much-needed family revolution:

1. We will not throw expensive “event parties” for our children on their birthdays. Instead, we will confine all birthday celebrations to our family, including extended family. We will keep it uncomplicated: a special dinner of the birthday boy or girl’s favorite food, a cake, the song, and a few simple gifts, mostly clothing or other useful things.

2. We will spend at least as much time helping our children develop good manners as we do helping them get good grades in school, which means we will cut back significantly on the time helping with the latter (in consideration of the fact that good manners, which are expressions of respect for others, will take one further in life than will good grades). Each week, we will work on one specific social courtesy, such as saying “excuse me” when you walk in front of someone. Taking two weeks off, that’s 50 courtesies a year!

3. We will show our love for our neighbors by properly disciplining our children, insisting on proper behavior, and reprimanding immediately (even if that means in front of other people) when they behave otherwise, and on those occasions we will also insist they apologize appropriately.

4. If we have not already done so, we will assign a routine of daily chores to each of our children (at least those who have reached their third birthdays) and we will insist that the chores be done, and done properly, before they engage in recreation or relaxation.

5. When our children ask us for cell phones, we will tell them that they may have cell phones when they are able to pay for them as well as the monthly bills.

6. When our children complain that they are the only kids who don’t have cell phones (and do chores), we will tell them that learning how to be different is character-building.

7. Our children will not be able to order customized meals unless we take them to a restaurant. At home, they will eat what we are eating, and they will sit at the table until they are finished. We will do this so that when they are invited to eat at someone else’s home, they will be the best of guests.

8. We will surely bond with our children, but we will not bond with them in the marital bed, nor will we bond with them in their beds.

9. In keeping with number 8, we will put our marriage first and our children second, for their sake as well as ours. They will revolve around us; thus, they will not grow up thinking the world revolves around them.

…bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4