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Month: June 2018

Submission Defined By Elisabeth Elliott

Submission Defined By Elisabeth Elliott

Written By Elisabeth Elliot from her newsletter in 2002

“Submission”—what does it mean? The question, asked of me by women only, never seems to refer to submission to civil law, military officers, the boss, or the schoolteacher. It’s submission to a husband that is the sticking point.

Instead of resorting to Webster this time, I’ll give you Oswald Chambers’ definition: “Etymologically [looking at the basic meaning of the word], submission means surrender to another, but in the evangelical sense it means that I conduct myself actually among men as the submissive child of my Father in heaven.”

Let’s look first at the Son of God, perfect in His submission to His Father. His whole life on earth demonstrated an unconditional surrender to that glorious will: “Then said I, Lo, I come (in the volume of the book it is written of me,) to do thy will, O God” (Hebrews 10:7).

Do we want to follow Him in this? “Yes,” we say. But then, what if the will of the Father happens to be our submission to the will of a man?

Nothing could be less to our liking. We search for every loophole.

“Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22).

Many are the discussions I’ve heard on this one, almost all of them directed to what it “can’t possibly mean,” rather than to the plain word of the Lord. The statement is simple. Not easy for women like me, but simple, that is, I understand it only too well. (As Mark Twain said, “I have far more trouble with the things I do understand in the Bible than things I don’t understand.”)

Worst-case scenarios are immediately put forward. “What if my husband asks me to do something immoral?” Heads nod vigorously. Cases are described. But the question was what submission means. Chambers has put it well—that I conduct myself as God’s child. The spirit of God’s Son was the spirit of submission, no questions asked as to His own safety or comfort, no effort to engineer things for Himself, but rather an utter handing over of all His powers to His Father, a perfect confidence that the consequences of this obedience lay in His Father’s hands.

“But my husband is fallible,” some say. So is mine. But my submission to him is obedience to God. How far am I prepared to trust myself into my Father’s hands? That’s the real question. We must learn to submit our “what ifs” and “yeah, buts.” To the humble and honest soul who does not proudly and arrogantly assume that God’s arrangement of things will not “work” in her case, the light of grace will always be given.

“But Elisabeth, you don’t seem to realize that my case is an exception!” Is it? Then it’s not my business. I try to stick to what the Bible does say, not to what it doesn’t say. He didn’t give us any footnotes. Take your special case to the foot of the cross. Have a long, honest look at it there. Let the light of Christ illuminate your situation.

Why should a wife submit to a husband rather than the reverse? Are we not equal? No, not equal in the sense of interchangeable. The heart of the matter is a mystery: the mystery of Christ and the Church. Try reading Ephesians 5:22-24, reversing the nouns. It’s nonsense. God arranged husbands and wives in different positions, each representing a tremendous verity: the husband represents Christ; the wife, the Church, His Bride. This is a divine assignment, not chosen, earned, or deserved by either husband or wife, not conferred by either on the other, but designated by God Himself. I am thankful for this arrangement because I know it is a revelation of divine wisdom and love, given for our freedom and peace.

I have been thinking, talking, writing about this for years. I confess that I am not Exhibit A of the submissive woman, but in my old age the Lord in His wonderful patience and mercy is showing me how simple it is just to keep my mouth shut. That’s what it comes down to most of the time. Sometimes, of course, my responsibility as a helper for my husband requires my calling to his attention something he has overlooked. Even if he ignores my advice, do I fall in with it graciously? Most of my testings come in the little things, when I automatically want to put forward my own preferences, arguments, logic, clarifications.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
Ephesians 5:22

Why Don’t Women’s Bible Studies Study the Bible?

Why Don’t Women’s Bible Studies Study the Bible?

There are so many “Bible Studies” for women but few of them study the Bible. Why is this the case? In Hosea 4:6 God tells us that His people are destroyed for lack of knowledge and I see this happening in the churches. Too many women don’t know the Word but study false teachings that make them feel good about themselves and in tuned with their “feelings” instead of learning how God commands that they live and love.

Many today don’t believe that Scripture is sufficient. They try to read things into what the Bible clearly states and have “personal revelations” about it. This is a dangerous practice since we are warned not to add nor subtract anything to the Word of God. His Word gives us everything we need for life and godliness!

Some studies of the Bible will have women read a passage in Scripture and then be asked, “What does this mean to you?” This is the wrong question to ask. They should be asked, “What is God teaching us in the passage?” We want to know His will, not what we think it may be based upon our own private interpretation.

I posed this question to the women in the chat room and received many good responses.

Paula: Just my opinion: 1) I think most people these days don’t even read their Bible (way too busy) so it’s hard to find a woman that even feels comfortable enough teaching it to other women; 2) it’s easier just to buy a women’s “Bible study” book to mindlessly read through as a group that appeals to women’s feelings and emotions.

Lindsay: My guess is that there are a few reasons: 1) The teacher is often not familiar enough with the Bible to be confident teaching it directly, so they rely on a book or study that was pre-written for them. This is true for a lot of Bible studies and Sunday school classes, not just those for women.

2) The teacher for a women’s Bible study is usually a woman, and as a woman, she tends to like things that make her feel good and uplift her. Since the Bible has all kinds of things in it which are not purely for feeling good – like doctrine, history, and calling out evil – it is “safer” to pick a study that is on a comfortable topic to ensure that it will feel good.

3) Not only is a female teacher more comfortable with a feel-good lesson, so are her female listeners. She thus wants to please them so they don’t go elsewhere.

4) The books marketed for “Women’s Bible Studies” are usually light on doctrine and heavy on emotion. Women think that is what they are supposed to study because that is what is being marketed to them.

Cheri: The church where I had recently attended, the women’s “study” group wasn’t interested much in the Bible, rather what others (mostly women writers) interpreted what they thought the Bible said. And even with that the thought was to sift out and take only what they would like to hear… things that made them “feel good” about themselves. I tried to gently challenge the woman “leader” of this group to seek a deeper/scriptural study but she seemed only interested in the number of women she could get to attend, therefore it had to be only feel good stuff.

Stephanie: I think that most women’s Bible studies are not accurate because it is not based on the Bible, rather emotions or what appeals to them and like you said those things that make them feel good. I have yet to find a study that is based off of Scripture rather than what makes us feel good.

Tammy: Most women get together to share feelings and personal opinions and don’t really want anyone talking about ways we need to improve.

Lindsay: Yes, women are very much tuned to relationships and smoothing things over, so they avoid confrontational topics that might make someone uncomfortable. That’s fine in a lot of situations, but bad when people need to be taught Biblical truth.

Paula: Yes, and the group often turns to complaining about their husband’s. Sigh.

Nicole: It’s because women’s bible studies are lacking a male bible teacher!

Jamie: For me, I used to teach ladies’ study and there was no one wanting to learn about being submissive to our husband, not nagging on them, and instead having a gentle and quiet spirit and pray, plus there was way too much chit chat and gossip. That was regardless of the topic. Scripture says there’s a time and place for everything and God is a God of order not disorder. So I backed down from teaching and now I teach my girls.

Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom.
Colossians 3:16

“Families Can’t Make It On One Income”

“Families Can’t Make It On One Income”

This is the comment I receive the most whenever I write about women being keepers at home: “Families can’t make it on one income!” I asked the women in the chat room how they’ve been able to stay home full time and live on one income.

Stephanie: It’s hard but it’s doable. We do without things a lot but we have what we need. He’s enough. We give when we can and somehow God always sends us what we’re lacking. We didn’t know how we were going to pay rent last month. My husband took on extra hours at work without asking for anything in return (no extra pay) even though we were short. He bought breakfast for his team. He ended up with a bonus he didn’t expect for doing these things for his boss. We made rent. It’s about doing things Gods way. Give and don’t expect. It’s hard and uncomfortable but He always comes through.

– Cook from scratch
– Use things up and fix what you have instead of just throwing something out and buying new
– Stay home instead of always going out
– Simplify and be creative with your resources – you really don’t need all the things you think you need

Danielle: My friend Megan does this so well! (She used to be part of this group but went off FB.) They have a huge garden, they shop at yard sales, and don’t eat out. She’s such an inspiration in this area. Her husband teaches and coaches at a private school.

Taylor: buy kids clothes/shoes on consignment
Cook all 3 meals
We don’t have cable or netflix.
We go on vacation once every 2 or 3 years not every year.
Shop at Aldi for groceries.
We bought our cars with cash.
My MIL cuts our hair for free but if she didn’t I would do it.
I don’t get my nails done or anything like that.
My kids don’t have very many toys, but they don’t know the difference.

Carlee: -Don’t have debt. If you can’t afford it, don’t buy it.
-Meal plan, coupon, cook from scratch, and don’t eat out anymore than you can afford.
-Stop going shopping unless you have a specific need, budget, and list. Don’t wander around the mall aimlessly.
-Don’t buy things just because someone asked you to support them or do a fundraiser. Learn to say no.
-Stay home or visit friends at their homes instead of always going out and about to do things. When you take a long trip to do one activity, it usually ends up costing way more than you planned for because of gas, eating out, snacks, etc.
-Learn to be content with what you have.
-Give up junk food and sweets and pop. People spend insane amounts of money on pop at the store when water is free, even at most restaurants.
-Don’t feel obligated to buy your child things every time you go out. Buy their needs, and they’ll be happy with what they have.
-Buy quality items when it counts but cheap things when they’ll do just fine.
-Don’t care what people think of your car/house/lifestyle/choices.
-Don’t pay for TV.
-Live on a written budget.

This is a little off topic, but I love this quote from Dave Ramsey: “People are buying things they don’t want with money they don’t have to impress people they don’t like.” Stop this madness!

Corrie: I think when asked this question everyone seems to answer the same. God provides. Go without. Cook from scratch. And all that. People who want to fight about this want hard facts. Let’s share numbers and areas of the country. To convince people you have to give them unarguable facts. Here’s mine:

My husband and I live in GA, have 4 kids and collectively we’ve never made more than $40,000. For the last 4 years, we’ve also been paying down $50,000 in consumer debt. Since my first child was born I haven’t worked full time outside of the home. At the most I had a super flexible (like go in when I felt like it) part-time job at a police department. I’ve done transcription work from home and have sold my extra breastmilk to a pharmaceutical company. Every month I never saw how our budget would work on paper but every month the bills got paid and we ate. Through prayer and trust, God can and does provide.

We have recently sold our home for full asking price which will allow us to completely pay off all of our debt and have money left over. We were given an amazing opportunity to purchase a broiler farm and are being allowed to live and work there until we can get financing in order. I buy all our clothes and furniture from thrift stores although we are given so much from friends I rarely have to do that. We have two vehicles. One is paid for and the other has a small payment. I do my best to price shop everything: insurance, groceries, household items. If something breaks I’ll contact the company who made it to see if they will replace it for free. 90 per cent of the time they do. Even without warranty. If I can buy something online, it’s almost always cheaper and it saves me from going into town. I’ve also breastfed all my babies. That’s saved thousands.

Meredith: When we had our first baby my husband was a stocker at a grocery store. We qualified for every government assistance available, but managed to not use any of it by being frugal and buying only things that were truly needs. We lived 40 miles from his place of employment because the cost of living was much cheaper. We rented a very modest apartment. We didn’t spend money on much besides necessities. No cable. No internet. No eating out. No vacations. We had two (paid for) older cars, but I hardly drove mine. I walked where I could, pushing my baby in his stroller in order to save on gas. When my husband’s transmission broke, we went to one car for months until we could afford to get his car fixed.

Despite money being tight, we had fun. We learned to find things to do for free like parks and libraries. We took lots of walks. I learned to cook from scratch and shop at thrift stores. My husband makes over five times what he made then, so we have lots more discretionary money now. But I look back on those times fondly. We aren’t any happier now with more money than we were then with much less. And in lots of ways things were simpler then. I actually really miss those days.

Jessica: It’s just priorities. Most people are so convinced they have to have expensive things. You don’t NEED cable, or a smart phone, or fancy clothes, or the latest car, or a huge house, or electronics, or a million toys. Put God first, your family second, and keeping up with the Jones’ at the bottom of the list and you will be amazed how it all works out! My husband hasn’t had a “real” job in a year. He’s been doing odd construction work. He is on track to make about $20,000 this year. We just paid cash for a nice used van (that we actually had to have with our fourth child on the way) and we are in the process of buying a cute three bedroom house so we can quit renting. God has provided above and beyond this year ❤.

Corrie: I’d like to add this: I see a lot of no cable and no cell phone. Even those things are okay. For example, we have Dish Network. I pay $34 a month for it. That’s AFTER fees and taxes. We have good channels and locals as well as a DVR for that price. We also have smart phones. I currently have an iPhone 5S. It’s not the latest and greatest but it was $100 a couple years ago. My family is also on a cell plan with Cricket. We pay $100 a month for five phones with data. That’s $20 per person and that’s no kids. It’s my mom, dad, myself, husband, and 20 year old step son. I make the 20 year old contribute $25 since that’s still way cheaper than any other plan he could get. All the good stuff is totally attainable. You don’t have to pay $150 a month for cable or $100 a month for a cell phone.

Stephanie: Family of eight and my husband works. Money is tight and has been since I quit teaching 13 years ago. We don’t have a smart phone, cable, or satellite television, go out to eat at all, shop for fun, or take a vacation. We have done the following: 1) Pay off debt, don’t use credit cards or loans; 2) Grow our food, hunt for meat, and can or freeze our food; 3) Most meals are made from scratch; 4) Most clothes the children wear are hand-me-downs from friends or bought at a garage sale or thrift store; 5) Limit snacks and sweets; 6) We have Netflix as our only television…. A lot of it in the mindset that you have.

If you want to make it work living on one income, you can do it, but you must both be on the same page. We are happy spending time together as a family. We have two vehicles both are older and paid for but they work. We do not take government assistance, but just because we qualify for it does not mean that we need it. Have an emergency fund. Follow Dave Ramsey. He is a life saver.

This makes it sound like we never have fun. We do have fun. We are surrounded by lakes, woods, and trails. We ride our dune buggy, go to our children’s sporting events, attend church functions as a family, host a lot of get-togethers at our house, sleep in a tent out on our property. We do puzzles, play with Legos, and work in the garden. Anything can be fun with the right outlook!

Christine: I think if you say you can’t live on one income, you don’t want to. Most Americans are worldly people. They are into themselves and WANT but don’t need things. It’s all in the mind.
It’s a proven fact that you CAN live on one income no matter where you live. But do they really want to?
I say, try living with one income, while having two. Save your income for a year, test the waters!
If you truly want to stay home and just have one income, you CAN!

Sarah: We have been on one income for 12 years now with four kids, and even though my husband’s income has increased over the years, our lifestyle has not. We are debt free other than our mortgage. We don’t have cable. We don’t have internet other than the data on our phones. We don’t eat out often and we don’t pay for hundreds of activities for our kids. I cook from scratch, and we have a very large garden. Living on one income is less about how much you make, and more about how much you spend. When I stopped working, we had debt, and expensive tastes and felt like we “needed” everything we had. Working for years to pay it all off and learning the difference between needs and wants made all the difference.

Sarah: I think people also forget it costs money to work. If you take out your work expenses, how much are you really bringing home? When I worked at the hospital, we had childcare, my scrubs, good shoes every four months because I was on my feet 13 hours a day, ordering food at work, paying for more convenient foods at home, because I didn’t have time to cook from scratch. Then gas to get to work and back, my training every year…it adds up so fast.

Shannon: We live on one income AND in Southern California where the typical rent (not mortgage) for a 3/4 Bedroom home/apartment is around $2,300.00! We make it work by the grace of God. We scrimp, don’t take vacations really, and don’t waste too much in the added things in life: used cars, but nice ones 🙂 Just being content with what God has provided is how we do it.

Kim: These are all great ideas! I’d like to add something I have done in the past. Meal plan! Use the grocery ads to plan your weekly meals. Also stock up on the items that are on sale…..keep a list of prices to check the sale cycles and buy enough, with coupons hopefully, to get through to the next sale. 🙂

Heather: We’ve been living on one income for the past year. Before that, I would have told you it can’t be done. Now, I would tell you it can’t be done without being willing to make lifestyle adjustments. I think a big key is to gather all the paperwork/bills/statements and take the time to figure out exactly where your money is going. That was VERY eye opening for us. It gives you a great roadmap for figuring out where to cut. Here are some things we learned:

– “Mind the pennies and the dollars will look after themselves.” Making our own laundry soap, baking bread, using the clothesline, unplugging appliances except when we’re using them- they all save a few cents at a time, and don’t feel like they’re worth it. But all those pennies add up if you keep at it month after month.

– Buy food, not “food products.” If it comes ready made in a box, you’re paying waaaaay more than if you bought the ingredients and cooked from scratch. It’s also healthier, tastier, and better for the environment.

– Buy less meat. It’s crazy expensive. Look for vegetarian alternatives and legumes instead. Or combine- mixing half ground beef & half lentils, for example.

– DEBT. My goodness! I had NO IDEA how expensive it is to have debt. And I just accepted debt as normal- everybody does it. Until I sat down and looked at where our money was going. Our *minimum payment* on our student/consumer debt each month was actually more than our mortgage payment. And if you’re only making minimum payments, you actually go more into debt each month. This is probably the biggest thing. I know so many people who only need two incomes because of debt payments. It’s nuts. It’s slavery. If you have debt, you need to be ruthless about paying it off as quickly as possible. Dave Ramsey’s snowball method has been really helpful for us.

– You do not need a cellphone. Just because “everyone has” something, does not make it a need. For our two phones and a modest data plan, we were paying $110/month. I bought out my plan, and now I use Fongo. It’s a VOIP provider and I can call or text anyone I want for FREE. My husband does need a phone plan due to his work, but he dropped data and reduced his plan to the smallest minutes available, which shaved over $30/month off his bill.

– Walk, bike, bus instead of drive.

– Do you really need a second vehicle? It may be convenient, but is it a need?

– Do not take on debt to buy toys. A holiday trailer, a boat, a quad, a gun…are not needs.

– Call around about your bills. We were able to find slightly lower rates on all our insurance and major utilities, and cut our internet bill in half by shopping around and comparing companies.

– If you have debt, call the credit card/loan company. Most of them are willing to give you a lower interest rate just because you called and asked. This blew my mind!

– Use your house as an income source. We live in our basement and rent out our main floor. Sometimes, I get annoyed about the lack of space, but the benefits outweigh that.

– You don’t need to spend a ton of money putting your kids in lessons and activities. There is such cultural pressure to enroll the kids in everything to give them some sort of imaginary leg up in adult life. Let them catch frogs in the creek- it’s free, and just as beneficial if not more so.

– Stop eating out. Just stop.

Beth: We do much of the same things the ladies above do. We have an extra family member (my mother) who does contribute to our grocery and utility budget because she has a food wants that that are not part of our regular items and our utilities are more expense due to her habits. Still we do well on my husband’s retirement and disability income. It’s not as much as it was before he retired from the Army but it’s meets all our needs and some wants too. We are a family of six with three children 10 and under.

Cassie: One of the biggest things for our family was to actually learn how to budget and then not spend more than we were bringing in. This meant using a calculator when grocery shopping and making sure I stay within our grocery budget, or whatever other budget I was shopping in. I searched for the lowest priced insurance. We dropped the house phone, we have unlimited internet and watch Netflix and Amazon Prime. We only have tracfone for our cell phones. We do not have a car payment on any of the 3 vehicles sitting in our driveway. We have no debt other than our mortgage. We budget for gifts and insurance and everything. We follow a zero based budget, meaning every penny that comes in has a purpose.

We were also able to, with taxes one year, get our finances one month ahead. So everything we make this month goes to next months budget so we know exactly how much we can spend and not have to worry about more coming in or not to cover it. All of my bills are set on auto payment so I never forget a bill. I also take full advantage of budget billing with the electric company and gas company which allows my budget to be consistent throughout the year. I have babysat on and off over the years to bring in a bit of extra money to up our budget in some areas. Avoid eating out as much as possible and make things at home, this includes coffee and what not. Drink water more than any other beverage it’s healthier and free.

Stacey: Whether you think you can or think you can’t- you’re right.

I couldn’t stay at home until we both thought I could. We both had to prepare and get ready. We paid off debt and used my whole income to save/pay down debt and when we got to a point it was going to savings I quit.

We budget for what we want to do, but used, reuse stuff. Knowing we want freedom and a wife at home not fancy stuff makes it possible. We save up to buy splurges and vacations and it doesn’t hurt us to wait a while.
Saving money by eating at home and generally choosing what we want to spend our money on makes us intentional and more satisfied with our purchases actually.

Having done the two income and one income household- we both prefer the one income household. It’s less stressful and more peaceful.

Brooke: We live simply. We’ve learned to enjoy the simple things in life.

-Enjoy being home: playing board/card games, movies from the library, biking and playing ball or swinging outside. We don’t go do many activities, maybe the park or such but we rarely do paid for activities.

-Make meal plans around sales. Shop sales. Try to save the highest percentage possible every trip.

-Eat simply. Grilled chicken with several different seasonings makes for a different taste for several meals. Plain steamed veggies or raw ones. Fresh fruit. Homemade bread. The less processed, the healthier anyhow. We don’t eat elaborate meals often.

-Buy in bulk whenever possible. Half/Quarter beef, 40lb box of chicken, toiletries, non perishables. If you can stock a freezer, you won’t have to go to the store as often. Take a list to the store and don’t buy anything that’s not on it!

-Garden. A row of beans can provide many meals worth of side dishes through the winter (Blanche and freeze). Make some salsa or strawberry jam. Freezer corn is another super easy preserve. These just make your grocery budget stretch farther when you don’t have to buy at the store. (Canning is a great way to preserve, but it’s costly to start and time consuming. Freezer preserves are easier and cheaper, once you invest in a freezer)

-Use Buy and sell sites for kids stuff. We buy our kids’ bikes off local buy and sell sites. I got a brand new bike, retailing for $185, for $25. People often just want to get rid of stuff for a small return. Gardening tools, outdoor patio furniture, etc are also great on Buy and sell. You have to be patient, do your research and you’ll find great deals.

-Pare down wardrobe. We have home clothes, jammies, play clothes and going out clothes. Just a few of each. Laundry is done twice a week and is never overwhelming. Saves money, sanity and closet space.

Diane: Stay out of debt when you are young.

But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19

No Discretion When It Comes to Breastfeeding

No Discretion When It Comes to Breastfeeding

We were having a discussion in the chat room recently about breastfeeding. It’s amazing how many Christian women think it’s fine and dandy to openly breastfeed their babies and show their breasts to men who aren’t their husbands. It riles women up when I teach them to be modest and discreet even while breastfeeding. They falsely believe that breasts aren’t sexual and it’s men’s fault if they like to see breasts while nursing because they are “perverts.”

Women have told me that Jesus’ mother Mary breastfed openly in the temple and Catholics have shown me pictures of Mary’s breast hanging out in preparation to nurse her baby. There isn’t one single Bible verse that tells us that she breastfed openly! Not one. I am sure she was known as a godly, discreet, and modest woman since God chose her to bear His Son.

I am all for breastfeeding! I believe it is far superior for babies to have milk from the mothers. I loved breastfeeding my four children for a year but I never breastfed openly for other men to see my breasts. I would have felt shame in doing so.

Here is a comment from one wise women on this topic:

It’s like people don’t read the scriptures anymore and do word studies. It annoys me. Men are visual or there wouldn’t be so many verses about the body in Song of Solomon alone! But since this is about breasts here are just a few verses on them.

Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love. – Proverbs 5:19

This verse is implying that the breasts are satisfying and here we are seeing the encouragement for them to always make a man filled with delight. The King James uses the word satisfy which implies that they are satisfying to a man. They aren’t drawn to things that are not satisfying.

Both satisfy and delight mean to be filled, take pleasure in. It is the same delight that is used when it says God delights in His people. The way God delights in His people is the way a man is to be about his wife’s breasts only. But like everything that is beautiful in God’s Holy Word and ways, it gets perverted by the world we live in and you have men delighting in other women’s breasts and you have women practicing zero discretion. Zero.

If that wasn’t enough to show that men like breasts here is another verse..

Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle, that graze among the lilies. – Song of Solomon 4:5

Your stature is like a palm tree, and your breasts are like its clusters. I say I will climb the palm tree and lay hold of its fruit. Oh may your breasts be like clusters of the vine, and the scent of your breath like apples- Song of Solomon 7:7-8

How beautiful are your feet in sandals, O noble daughter! Your rounded thighs are like jewels, the work of a master hand. Your navel is a rounded bowl that never lacks mixed wine. Your belly is a heap of wheat, encircled with lilies. Your two breasts are like two fawns, twins of a gazelle.- Song of Solomon 7:1-13

The man in Song Of Solomon was clearly attracted to this woman’s breasts. Why did God allow that to be in His word for everyone to read? Because men love breasts and in the context of marriage it is a beautiful thing! But again the perverted world we live in would like to believe this isn’t true or simply don’t care like they do with homosexuality. They believe it simply isn’t true that God hates it or they don’t care.

I wish people would just dig into scripture and read.

And furthermore, do we really have to be so dense to think that if it’s isn’t in scripture it must not be a real thing! I mean it doesn’t say in scripture that smoking marijuana or taking heroin will make you high as a kite but we know we would be fools to think it doesn’t. There is just a place for common sense and this is one of them.

Sorry for ranting. It annoys me when women make excuses for their ignorance.

In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety.
1 Timothy 2:9

Stop Believing False Studies on Spankings

Stop Believing False Studies on Spankings

Since I wrote about the devastating effects of Dr. Spock’s child raising book, I thought I would share what others think about spanking children. It seems we are constantly being told how the “studies” prove that spankings are bad for children and just plain wrong. In fact, a 50-year study proved that spanking children is just as bad as physical abuse.  “We as a society think of spanking and physical abuse as distinct behaviors. Yet our research shows that spanking is linked with the same negative child outcomes as abuse, just to a slightly lesser degree.”

I know this isn’t true since parents have been spanking their children for centuries. I decided to look at the comments on the Facebook that shared this study (which isn’t a Christian site) to see what others had to say about this article and I was pleasantly surprised!

“And for 50 years society has demanded that there be no spanking and look what has happened to our kids. No respect of adults or other people’s property or lives. I for one am glad I was not listening!” (Inger)

“Watch nature. A mother bear will cuff her cub to keep it in line! All animals control their young with physical means, and GOD did tell us if you spare the rod, you spoil the child. A spanking is not meant to be a beating, just enough to get their attention.” (Joan)

“Funny how back in the day when a parent could discipline their children and not have the law or society call them out for ‘beating’ their child, we never had school shootings, or all of these disrespectful little thugs running around….” (Chrissie)

“There is a difference between abuse and spanking as one form of discipline. My parents varied our punishments to fit the ‘crime.’ Actually I much preferred a spanking (moderate) to not allowing me to ride my horse for a week. Discipline’s purpose is to help the child remember, keep them safe, and learn self-control.” (Ginny)

“Nah… I’m still gonna spank my kid. Worked for me, works for her as well. Whip her a** now, or get her out of jail later for being an entitled brat…” (Jon)

“Spanking properly with love is discipline in which in our society less children are receiving! Children are left to themselves to self indulge, and the lack of self control belongs to the child. There are adults who abuse, but calling every adult that properly disciplines one who lack self control is b**. A child properly disciplined and spanked if unruly, you’ll find a well behaved child that’s a joy to be around! A no brainer!” (Jennifer)

“I started spanking my son before he started walking. No, I didn’t beat him. I said what I meant and meant what I said. I didn’t count to three (hate that). By the time he was in grade school, the spankings stopped for the most part, I trained him early. Kids aren’t stupid. Talk to your kids, don’t yell.” (Peggy)

“It’s not violent. A smack on the butt and then explain to the child. The Bible says spare the rod, spoil the child. Look at the mess our kids are in today: out of control, drugs, because they had no consequence. No one should beat a child. That’s wrong.” (Carolyn)

“I’m not convinced. How is it that children who were raised getting a spanking they earned grew up with manners and respect? We are not talking about child abuse but, rather a swat on the butt. They didn’t go around shooting up their schools even though in many places they had access to guns, whether at school or at home.” (Elizabeth)

“There is a huge difference between spanking (discipline) and beating (anger). Spanking needs to be done more often. Beating needs to stop.” (Christy)

I am thankful there are some wise people still left on this planet who are raising well disciplined children.

Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.
Proverbs 22:15

Blessings in the Midst of Viral Posts

Blessings in the Midst of Viral Posts

As many of you have noticed on my Facebook page, my viral post has gone viral again. Each year at this time, it goes viral and I receive many hateful comments with a few good ones thrown in. Most in our culture hate the ways of the Lord but in the midst of the ugliness, there are some wonderful comments I receive from women who have found my blog because of the viral post and love it. What those who hate God intend for evil, God uses for good!

Here’s one of the good comments I received yesterday:

YES!!!! Finally someone who “gets it.” I just stumbled on your page and saw everyone mocking your thoughts and it is so sad. My husband and I fully believe the things you write out. I am 34 years old, have a masters degree, started and operated an incredibly successful boutique for six years until we got married. When we were married, my focus became on him and our family. He is thirty years old, a pharmacist, and the best daddy to our two girls. When we married that was our firm belief that he would be the provider and me the homemaker.

When he was finishing pharmacy school, all of his classmates would think it was so amazing that he would have a home cooked breakfast, a healthy lunch packed, and a hot supper waiting on him when he got home. I ran all of his errands, handled all bills, home issues, everything to help make his life easier so he can be the provider of this family and so when he walked in our house, he could relax and enjoy time with us and not have to worry about mowing the yard or calling a plumber. And it is TRULY My pleasure. Taking these burdens off of his shoulders gives me joy because he takes burdens off of my shoulders so I can spend every waking moment raising our girls and giving them the attention they need so they can become strong women.

One time someone said, “I want to be a stay at home mom like you so I can do nothing all day,” and it floored me that she thought that’s what I did. I promise she could not juggle the hundreds of duties I handle every day. We believe God made women the nurturers and men the providers and I don’t understand why it is so frowned upon. I am an intelligent woman who experienced life to the fullest and created a very successful business and have NO regrets about leaving that life to raise my girls.

We read horror stories of child abuse and neglect from Daycare enters and babysitters and it pains me to think that my girls would learn life from a stranger; someone who didn’t share our beliefs. And trust me, we are not some insanely strict, weird, cult Christian family. We are your everyday American family that loves practical jokes, baseball, and Christ. And I think it’s a shame that women think careers are more important than raising your family.

Anyway— long drawn out message to say I LOVE YOUR PAGE and thank you for standing up to these bullies. Your word is TRUTH and God sees your work.

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
1 Timothy 5:14

One of the Most Important Child Raising Articles You Will Ever Read!

One of the Most Important Child Raising Articles You Will Ever Read!

Written By Debi Pearl

When you allow children to be unduly indulged over a period of time, they come to think that it is their right. When it is taken away, they will respond with rage.

We live in a society where meltdowns are an acceptable part of life. In former generations, even the worst parents did not produce mass shooters. The most recent bombing spree was committed by a homeschooler from a Christian, church-going family. It is quite obvious that the majority of children today are being imprinted with something destructive rather than creative. People live in an agitated state, trying to force others to do things their way or be the object of their rage.

You can see this in its developmental stage every day in the supermarket. A few years ago, we were all shocked to see an out-of-control 2-year-old screaming for sugar-coated cereal, but things have changed so much that today we don’t even raise an eyebrow when we see a 7-year-old on the floor, thrashing and screaming. It is sickening to see a child that old without a shred of dignity or self-control—an inseparable pair. We are raising a generation without dignity, honor, or righteousness. They have no shame. Reclaiming the conscience is key for prison inmates to regain their integrity. That is a scary thought. Are we raising a generation of what will become a lawless people? A child who is trained to VALUE delayed gratification will be embarrassed when he witnesses another child acting with such a lack of propriety. Rage and acting-out to get one’s way are learned habits that develop early but groove a child’s brain deeply.

Rage is a word we once used only for the emotionally or mentally unstable, and rightly so. Rage is only possible when one believes that he has been deprived of his due. Today’s teens are living in a state of extreme rage and are playing out this rage in gaming, bullying, and worse. Among adults, road rage is now common.

Rage is crippling our children, our families, and our nation. Our children are gradually becoming less equipped to deal with even minor stressors, which eventually become huge obstacles to their success in life. Expect it to get much worse in society as a whole. It should be our goal to train up our children in the way they should go so that when others are raging, they are serving.

Take stock of yourself and the way you relate to your children. Today’s society, today’s “rules,” and today’s expectations all make you believe you must give your children what they demand. Don’t fall into this mindset.

Good Training Is Groovy

When we speak of training we are NOT talking about spanking. Training is just that, training. Our daughter trains her children in the art of fine dining. When they go out to eat at a restaurant, she helps them read and understand the menu, encourages them to ask the waitress questions about the meal they are considering, and allows them to be the one who pays for the family. Lastly, but most importantly, she makes sure they understand the value of the person who is serving them. She is training them in social behaviors. You get what you train for.

Training takes away the fear of ordinary situations; it builds confidence that comes with knowing how to perform any number of tasks. Everyday skills are becoming a lost art. Changing a tire was something all 10-year-old boys could do just a few years back, but now most boys would be in the car pitching a fit because they wanted a candy bar or they wanted to play games on mom’s phone. All this while mom called for someone to come fix the flat.

All children were once trained to cook, especially the girls. The boys did a lot of their culinary training over the campfire. Deep grooves in the brain on how food should be cooked, served, and how it tastes burnt to a crisp were all part of growing up. Mamas just took for granted that every meal would be prepared with a young child helping. That was not only training in the culinary arts, it was training to serve with a smile. Now, mamas are too busy to prepare a meal and too short on patience to take the time and trouble to allow the child to be part of the preparation. This lack of training will make the next generation weak and incompetent. When a child spends every day in the kitchen, the day comes when she can step in without a thought and do everything Mama can do and more. Her brain has been grooved deeply in what herbs taste best with what type of meats and how to make a delicious loaf of bread.

What do your children do most of the day? What grooves are being formed in their developing brains? Schoolbooks impart information but are not going to train children in practical living or social responsibilities. It takes personal experiences to leave a mark on the brain. Do you want your children to clean up after themselves? Then start early training them until it becomes a habit. Do you want your children to love to read? Then read with them until they can’t wait for you to finish the book and are launched into a life of literary investigation. To make deep grooves that are permanent, the eyes need to see, the hands need to do, and the soul needs to take pleasure in the knowledge. And most of all, the brain needs constant repetition. What grooved your child’s brain today? Yesterday?

For generations small children have spent their days digging the earth and building dams, bridges, waterways, and roads. Little girls have set up under trees and pretended to serve their brothers food. They have gained balance learning to stand on their heads or ride bikes. They have taken care of animals and learned to train them. They have had long, lazy, hot days when their minds relaxed and repaired themselves. It takes a mountain of time doing these things for it to become a part of their soul.

Today’s children are connected to technology where sights and sounds are dulling their brains and destroying their nervous systems by overstimulation. Scientists are proving this dulling of the brain and are appalled at what the future might be. The brain is being gouged rather than grooved. It is easy to hand the bored and demanding boy your phone to keep him entertained and out of your way, but there will come a day when you will pay for your easy way out. You can’t entertain your children into emotional stability. You alone are your child’s hope. It is the hours you spend every day showing them how to draw a picture, write a story, mix up cornbread batter, sew a dress, hike through the woods, fish, hunt, mend, garden, care for the weak, bless your neighbors, and all the other things in life that make us a balanced, healthy society. You are the ground in which your seed grows. How much time does your child have your undivided attention, showing them how to be the person you want them to be: kind, thoughtful, helpful, respectful, self-disciplined, and hard working?

Groovy Ideas

Be decisive. Be the parent. Stick to your word.

Purge your home of junk food and teach your children to cook and eat healthy food.

Organize your home routine. Bedtimes, eating times, and work times should be clearly defined.

Give your children chores. Don’t patronize them with dumb chores or silly compliments. Treat them with respect and expect them to perform properly.

Spend time talking with your children and listening to them talk. Talking is done best when you are doing chores together.

Have fun. Jump out and scare each other. Grab one child and dance around the room. Happy, balanced children come from happy mamas and daddies. You can’t yell and gripe and expect them to be joyful.

Spend time as a family doing small jobs, playing board games, or being creative.

Have some quiet downtimes when everyone just hangs over the couch and thinks about what they might like to do or where they might like to go visit. Don’t allow technology to consume their minds by having it readily available to fill up any gaps of time. Do your own research and see what electronic emissions are doing to their brains. Read how the blaring sights and sounds are dulling their intellect.

Child training is the most consuming joy in the universe. They should be with you when you take a walk, drive into town, visit a client, plant a garden, cook, clean out the car, and all the chores and events of life—except taking a bath and making love. Children are learning every moment. Every second is forming the brain. Every experience is a potential habit and reservoir for future actions. Someone or something is teaching them all the time. Their brains are being grooved and YOU need to take charge of the process. You are your child’s hope in today’s failing culture.

The Vision

Another word to Christian families who would love to see their children serving God…
Families who are successful in raising their children to do amazing things when they have a vision.

All children need to see that THEY are not the end goal. The goal needs to be much bigger than themselves. The family that wants children who will minister must be training their children to minister. Every child must see that their life matters to others outside their “pond.” The family needs to be handing out tracts, feeding a needy family, helping an old lady with her yard, going on mission trips as a family, mailing gospel books to prisoners, or any other service that a child would see as worthy. Give your child an eternal vision. It is an excellent investment and will cover a lot of other mistakes that most parents make.

Michael Pearl writes:

If I were the devil, I would be proud of six things that leave lethal grooves in the brains of children:

The presence of digital media in the homes of Christians—televisions, videos, Netflix, Amazon, iPads, computers, video games, and especially cell phones. For the first time in the history of the world, Satan has mainline, 24-hour-a-day, intravenous access to the hearts of children—direct from the Sodomites and atheists into the brains and hearts of children. It has never been so easy. The devil could retire for foolish parents are cooperating with the dark side, doing the devil’s work for him.

If I were the devil I would be proud of the educational system. His motto is Proverbs 666: “Train up a child in the way he should NOT go, and when he is old he will never depart from it.”

If I were the devil I would be proud of the church in the Western world. It attempts to be an alternative to pop entertainment and psychological therapy, with a combination of spiritual masturbation and self-love.

If I were the devil I would be proud of the many bibles that contradict each other and leave the impression that only a Greek scholar can know the original intent.

If I were the devil I would be proud of the modern family order where children are not required to share responsibility for the family prosperity. “By much slothfulness the building decayeth; and through idleness of the hands the house droppeth through” (Ecclesiastes 10:18).

Lastly, if I were the devil I would be especially proud of pornography and depictions of violence in the media. There was a time when only sailors in faraway ports could see even a fraction of what is now available to children online. Souls are destroyed by the time parents discover their children can access hell right from the privacy of their Christian home.

Yes, if I were the devil the only thing that would concern me now would be those families that have broken away from public education, the modern church, and the culture that surrounds them. I would dedicate all my energies to that small group of holdouts. How long will it be before they leave a gap in their defenses and the devil slides in like a chilly draft through a crack in the weather stripping?

But I am not the devil; I want to be his worst nightmare, so I am here to sound the alarm and bolster the defenses in these last days. There is a remnant, and you who are reading this are probably among the overcomers.

“Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.” (Ephesians 6:10–11)

-Michael Pearl

Men Are Battered For Being Sexual Beings

Men Are Battered For Being Sexual Beings

Written By Anonymous

Thank you for this article Sex is Basic to Marriage. Thoughts on two points immediately come to mind:

“When wives deprive their husbands, they are opening up their husbands to be tempted by Satan. This is not good at all! We are to do nothing to cause our brothers to stumble, no, not even our husbands.”

This is so true. However, the modern husband is expected to “suck it up.” “Be a man and serve your wife,” etc. It’s as if God’s design for the husband’s desire of his wife was an error that needs to be suppressed. I’d give a million bucks to not just have sex with my wife on a regular basis, but to have her understand that my desire for her is not a perversion. I’m not “sick in the head” for wanting my wife. I’m not a pervert for desiring her. There’s nothing wrong with me for thinking she’s sexy. Or is there? Maybe I’m missing something and God’s design is faulty. I just want to be desired by her.

“Most husbands probably tell their wives how much they want sex but not to the extent since they know how their wives will respond. More rejection. This is why God commands older women to teach younger women to love their husbands which includes satisfying them sexually.”

The rejection is torture. Plain and simple. I believe that a big part of the problem, at least in Christian homes, can be laid at the feet of the church. Women, do any of your women’s lunches, special speakers, etc. discuss the importance of sex with your husbands? Do they discuss the importance of husbands, or are husbands trampled on as ignorant cave men completely out of touch with today’s refined woman? It seems that the latter is the norm of sinful society. I hope it’s not the norm for church meetings.

Ladies’ groups appear to be all about boosting a women’s self-esteem. “Look at yourself through God’s eyes.” “How is your relationship with God today?” At least, that’s how it looks from the advertisements in the church lobby.

Men get battered over the head in our groups for being sexual beings, do women hear any similar straight talk about your role for your husbands? I’ve been in church a loooong time, and I can’t think of one time I’ve ever heard a sermon putting any responsibility on the wife in this manner. It’s as if the Song of Solomon was never written.

Ladies, you want a different husband? Desire him. Love him. You probably don’t have to have sex every time, but let him look at you, touch you, etc. Let him know he’s not a pervert for desiring you. Let him know he’s not broken for wanting you. Uplift him. He’s only human…just like you. You’ll change his life. I promise. If you don’t do that, the consequences will be your responsibility.

Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
1 Corinthians 7:5

Wives are to Submit to ONE Man

Wives are to Submit to ONE Man

There is a good reason that the Lord commands wives to ask their husbands at home if they have a question concerning something that is said at church or they want the elders to “fix” their husbands. “And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church” (1 Corinthians 14:35). 1 Peter 3:1 is God’s prescription for how wives are to win disobedient husbands. Our husband is the head over us, not our church leaders!

Here is an excellent article written on this subject by Ken Cascio at wickedshepherds.com. He is seeing way too many marriages destroyed because women are going to their elders for advice instead of their husbands.

Ladies, your closeness with your husband means a distance from every man who isn’t, and that ESPECIALLY includes men who claim to be your so-called “spiritual overseers!”

Submitting to your “church leaders” renders it impossible to submit to one’s own husband. Submission to your own husband means faithfulness to him, and to him alone, which means saying “NO” to any other man or group of men who are vying for your submission also!

Dear married sisters in Christ, be not deceived! You owe absolutely no submission WHATSOEVER to those who posture to be your “church leaders.”

There are many cases where a pastor has deliberately placed himself between a husband and wife and used his so-called pastoral authority as a means of manipulating them both into personal loyalty to himself.

If either the husband or wife becomes in any way critical of the church or his ministry, the pastor will “counsel” the other mate (usually the wife) to put pressure on the first one to repent, and if no repentance was to follow, then the next step in counseling would be separation and/or divorce.

This was done on the ground that “your mate’s soul is in danger” because they were daring to question God’s “duly authorized” minister. One dear Christian lady was under such pressure to force her husband to submit to the pastor’s authority that she felt she was being torn in half. She told someone, “I feel like I must choose between the two most important men in my life.”

The person wisely answered, “God never intended you to have two men in your life in any sense where you had to make a choice between them.”

My friend, when loyalty to, or dependence upon, any church or any “church leader” ever comes close to being equal to your loyalty and love to your husband or wife, then you are so sick spiritually that you can’t think straight.

A woman for example, is under no obligation whatsoever to submit to any man except her husband; not to the “head pastor,” or his “fellow elders,” or his clones, or his wannabies, or anybody. The Scripture says, to “their own husbands.”

Some foolish women have been brainwashed into believing that they are supposed to submit to their pastor more than their own husband. This is sinful.

When those in “positions of leadership” in the church, or anyone else, tampers with someone’s marriage… THEY ARE TREADING HOLY GROUND!

SETTING THE STAGE

But you might say, “How can these things be? How is it possible that husbands and wives have allowed their marriage to be invaded; taken over; and then destroyed by this horrendous practice in church leadership?”

Many of these men that are “exercising the oversight” in the church are professionals and are well experienced in their diabolical schemes. They are able to effectively instill carnal fear in the congregation very rapidly. A simple twisting of Scripture; the pronouncement to “obey your god-given elders”; the waving of their pointed finger in your face along with their raised voices, is all that it takes for many people to succumb to its folly.

Families, and wives in particular, are falsely being taught from many pulpits today that the “eldership” and/or “pastors” have a “supposed” authority and rulership that reaches higher and is even greater than what a husband and father has in the home, especially when it comes to “spiritual matters.”

This is total unbiblical nonsense. And unless many people start to wake up and take notice and learn, many more marriages are going to be destroyed. (You can read the rest of the article HERE)

But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything.
Ephesians 5:24

Empowering Women By Disobeying God’s Word?

Empowering Women By Disobeying God’s Word?

There is a new president of the Southern Baptist Convention. Sadly, he supports female preachers. “The reality is that complementarianism is in the process of being redefined. J.D. Greear teaches that women can preach even in the church. He will likely be elected the next President of the SBC and has already called for ‘a new era’ of complementarianism,” wrote Pastor Tom Buck. The thinking behind this is that women need to be “empowered.”

How is breaking God’s commands empowering women? Empower means “to give legal or moral power or authority to.” God doesn’t empower women to have authority over men or teach them so why should anyone who claims to be a believer in Jesus Christ? God is clear in His Word that women are to be silent in the churches, that it is a shame for them to speak in the churches, and they are not to have authority over men nor teach them.

“Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church” (1 Corinthians 14:34, 35). “Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church” (1 Timothy 2:11, 12).

All this empowering of women is doing is weakening the churches and causing them to become lukewarm. We can’t live in direct disobedience to the Lord and expect anything good to come out of it! I don’t understand how women who study the Word of God can think that their preaching to men is okay. I have heard the argument that if the male leadership of a church thinks it’s okay, then it’s okay. God is our final authority, not the leaders of the churches.

I have a great desire to obey the Word of God as closely as possible. I seek to be as pure and holy as I can and please the Lord in everything. I don’t want to do anything that is against the clear teachings of God or live a compromising Christian life. Yes, I fail at times, but my desire is to obey God in everything. I don’t need to be “empowered” by teaching in the churches. I only want to be empowered by His Holy Spirit for the ministry that He has clearly given to me, namely teaching younger women biblical womanhood. I will not learn from anyone who has no problems disobeying God by teaching men and watering down God’s Word to mean something that it does not. I prefer to learn the Bible from men since God ordained them to be the elders of the churches and teach the Word.

So then because thou art lukewarm, and neither cold nor hot, I will spew thee out of my mouth.
Revelation 3:16