Browsed by
Month: February 2017

Divorcing a Persistent Porn Addict?

Divorcing a Persistent Porn Addict?

Gary Thomas wrote an article entitled Dear Church: It’s Time to Stop Enabling Abusive Men. He gives a few examples where divorce is the only option.

“Her husband is a persistent porn addict. He has neglected her sexually except to fulfill his own increasingly bent desires. He keeps dangling divorce over her head, which makes her feel like a failure as a Christian. He presented her with a list of five things he wanted to do that he saw done in porn, and if she wasn’t willing, he was through with the marriage. She agreed to four of them, but just couldn’t do the fifth. And she feels guilty.”

Then Mr. Thomas states that divorce is the right thing to do. Is it according to the Bible? No. No, she shouldn’t have participated in anything that he asked if it was harmful to her, evil, or outside of the bounds of the marriage bed but divorce is not the answer. If he abandons her, she must let him go but she is not to abandon him for she sanctifies him when she is living with him (1 Corinthians 7:13, 14). As Christ suffered for her, she is willing to suffer under a disobedient husband in hopes of him repenting and believing in the Savior of his soul.

I know women who are suffering under the leadership of a disobedient husband but they are finding their strength in the Lord and being a witness to a watching world. If there is physical abuse, they call the authorities, but other than this, they find support and encouragement from other godly women.

Here’s another example Mr. Thomas gave us. “A young wife, barely in her 20s, held a baby in a blanket and looked at me with tears. Her husband has a huge temper problem. He’s made her get out of the car on a highway with her baby, twice. ‘But both times he came back for us,’ she said in his defense when I looked absolutely appalled. They were separated and she was living with her parents. She wanted to know if she should take him back because his psychiatrist supposedly said there wasn’t anything really wrong with him. Her husband doesn’t think he has a problem, that, in fact, the problem is with her ‘lack of forgiveness.'”

Again, the author says this young wife should divorce her husband.  No, she should not. She may stay separated and live with her parents while hopefully he seeks help but a believer isn’t to divorce an unbeliever because of their anger. They’re not. She can still be kind and loving towards him when she sees him and pray for him but she shouldn’t divorce him.

The interesting thing about this article and many others like it is they leave out 1 Peter 3:1-6, the transforming power of the Lord, and the power of a transformed wife on a husband. How can a “Christian” site who proclaims to speak to Christians leave out important truths such as this when speaking about Christian’s divorcing? We are called to love our enemies, which includes loving disobedient husbands, forgiving 70 X 7 times which includes forgiving disobedient husbands, and then obeying 1 Corinthians 13 which is true biblical love, namely sacrificial. Love…bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Charity never fails.

If you are a women who is married to a mean man, if there is any type of physical abuse, please seek out help immediately. Read my post about abuse. Seek out help and encouragement from older and wiser women or elders in the church to confront him, if need be. Don’t try to do a difficult marriage on your own. Make sure you are seeking the Lord and becoming a godly wife that the Lord requires of you but if you are feeling mental or emotional anguish over your marriage never hesitate to get help. This is what the body of Christ is for: to help those in need. But God hates divorce. Read the book of Hosea. Remind yourself that the Lord will never leave you nor forsake you and will give you strength for the battle. Your husband’s eternal soul is at stake.

I love what Dr. David Jeremiah had to say about covenant love. “What kind of love endures the unfaithfulness of a covenant partner and yet remains loyal forever? It’s God love, that’s what it is. It’s the kind of love that God extended to Israel in spite of her disloyalty.” (David Jeremiah) The world will never understand this type of love because they don’t love God.

And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.
1 Corinthians 7:13, 14

***Further study: If you want to study what God says about suffering, read and study 1 Peter. In 1 Peter 2:18, 19 servants are told to subject themselves to difficult masters “For this is thankworthy, if a man for conscience toward God endure grief, suffering wrongfully.” Then we are told to be willing to suffer for Christ. “If, when ye do well, and suffer for it, ye take it patiently, this is acceptable with God. For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps” (1 Peter 2:20, 21). Then the next chapter begins with “Likewise…” As servants suffer under difficult masters and as Christ gave us an example of suffering, so wives will suffer under disobedient husband.

Then we are further encouraged in suffering for the name of Christ. “But and if ye suffer for righteousness’ sake, happy are ye: and be not afraid of their terror, neither be troubled…For it is better, if the will of God be so, that ye suffer for well doing, than for evil doing.” (1 Peter 3:14, 17). “Forasmuch then as Christ hath suffered for us in the flesh, arm yourselves likewise with the same mind: for he that hath suffered in the flesh hath ceased from sin” (1 Peter 4:4). As you can see from these verses, suffering isn’t bad in the eyes of God.

 Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy. If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye; for the spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you: on their part he is evil spoken of, but on your part he is glorified. But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men’s matters. Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf. Wherefore let them that suffer according to the will of God commit the keeping of their souls to him in well doing, as unto a faithful Creator (1 Peter 4:12-16, 19).

Never Take Him for Granted

Never Take Him for Granted

A woman’s sister-in-law had posted this on Facebook. She gave me her permission to share it with all of you.
Little backstory, she lost her husband in 2012 in a work related accident, leaving her with eight children to raise by herself.
~~~~~~

We did it again. The water heater gave out on us, so we boiled water on the stove top, and the children found out how to survive without hot water at their fingertips.

Yes, they did say, “Looks like we need to go to our neighbors for a shower.”

I said, “Oh no you don’t; this is great opportunity for you to see how we did it every day when I was growing up.”

Yes, finally I got tired of it and told Merlin to go under the house and see if he can figure out where the heat element is then we will go see if we can get a replacement.

He’s like, “Mom I have no idea how, I’m only 15 and nobody ever showed me how to do it. How am I supposed to know?”

I said, “Because you are smart and are known for the ability to figure things out.” (I did not want to go under the house.)

So, he goes under to check it out and I hear the muffled yell, “Mooommm! I have no idea what I’m looking at.”

“Okay, okay, hang on, I’m coming.”

The desire for hot water overruled my comfort, and I got under there with him, and we figured out where the elements are, but how do we get it off? Our wrench just kept slipping, so I proceeded to explain how it’s done.

“I think we need a large socket to get that thing off. Let’s go to the hardware store and see what we can find.”

We soon found it, so I explained it all in detail.

“I don’t need to get under there again, right??”

I told him how to turn the water off and drain it then take the element out.

Soon there’s another, “Mooommm, I can’t do this. The water’s not coming out of the hose anymore, yet when I go to take out the element water starts spraying all over me.”

“Okay, I’m coming.”

So I go under there again. We got it fully drained or so I thought. Took the top element off, but when I took the bottom one off, I got showered.

Yes, I sputtered and thought how awful miserable this is under the house kneeling in water, but we finally got it fully drained and new elements in. Turned the electric back on, and yes, it worked. Oh, the satisfaction is amazing!

So I have two messages for you ladies out there. Did you know there are a whole lot of things you can do around the house if you put your mind to it? You do not need to wait till your husband comes home to do it because more than ever I realize how hard a man’s work is, and how much we take for granted. He too gets tired and who will comfort him? Do you have any idea what it does to me when I hear wives say, “Oh, but my husband just doesn’t help much around the house, and oh, he just isn’t very strict with the children in their training like he should be. That’s why they are so loud and rowdy.” You know what I instantly think? You are one ungrateful woman … Nope, I will not even call you a lady because a lady does not talk like that.

I wish the wives everywhere would honor and love their husbands, and realize it is their only taste of heaven here on earth. If you won your husband in the first place, stop and consider how you did it. Was it with a smile or a frown? Did you stop smiling? Did you start saying, “Are you ever going to help with the children? I had them all day and am tired it’s your turn?” Don’t you think he is tired as well?

Imagine if you went outside for a day and did a man’s work going up and down a ladder with tools and lumber and metal. Would you feel tired? Now consider this. After you come in that front door, would you want to be greeted with a smiling or a sour face? Which one would motivate you with just a bit more energy?

Now consider this, be glad you only need to be a house keeper and get to mother your little ones. Be glad you have a husband who gets the job of supporting you. Be glad that you don’t have to worry about making the money on top of mothering. Be glad you get to be a help meet. You are there to help, not drain. You are created to meet his need. You are the one he choose. Can’t you just let that alone bring joy to your heart?

What I’m saying is, please do not take your husband for granted, and please do not let me hear you complain. If it hurts me, imagine how it makes God feel…There is nothing I enjoy more then to see a couple being loving to each other. There are some who wonder if that’s not painful for me to see and honestly, no it is not, but it pains me to see them not get along.

That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands.
Titus 2:4

My Comment Policy

My Comment Policy

Normally, I don’t write posts on Saturday and Sunday but I felt compelled to write one today to explain my comment policy. I have done this in the past, but it needs to be explained again. My blog is a teaching blog. I am not going to publish comments that teach things that are contrary to what I teach. If you have an honest question, that is great, but I get comments that are longer than my post explaining why what I just wrote about is all wrong. I want you to know that I won’t publish this type of comment.

I don’t agree with every single comment I publish but I will usually explain underneath it why I don’t or ask Ken to do it. Then I will allow other comments under it that explain their thoughts about it. Sometimes it’s good to have some of those who have a different viewpoint from me to see what the arguments for or against it are and always try to point to the truth of God’s Word.

I try hard to only teach the truth of the Bible and from my experiences as being married over 36 years and raising four children to adulthood and now having grandchildren. No, I am not God nor do I claim to know everything perfectly but I share my views and interpretations of God’s Word concerning biblical womanhood, then you need to come to your own convictions. I am not going to water down the Word to fit with every exception. I will teach what God has commanded older women to teach and allow His Word to convict and challenge women’s thinking since His Word alone does not come back void.

If you worked a long time on a long comment that directly contradicts what I have written, please expect that it won’t be published. If it is a cruel comment, I will either not publish it or edit it to take out the cruel words. I have this right since it’s my blog. Just as you wouldn’t like my dog pooping on your yard and leaving it there, I don’t allow others to poop all over my blog and Facebook page since it takes away and distracts from what I am trying to teach. If you don’t like what I teach, you don’t have to read it. Believe me, I don’t have much power to change anyone’s mind or actions. Only God has the power to do this and each individual as they have the freedom to obey His Word or not.

Thank you!

And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men, apt to teach, patient, in meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth.
2 Timothy 2:24, 25

***This verse is my goal. Do I do it perfectly? No, but I sure try and will always strive to do better.

Women Prophesying in the Church

Women Prophesying in the Church

Whenever I teach that women are commanded to not be preachers/teachers of the Word but to be silent in the churches as the Apostle Paul has taught, invariably I have women tell me that women can prophesy in the church because of 1 Corinthians 11:5. “But every woman that prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven.”

Years ago, I listened to Michael Pearl teach 1 Corinthians and he taught that the Apostle Paul wrote this letter to the Corinthian church because they were the most “messed up church in the New Testament” and it is “an extremely practical book.” Paul doesn’t only deal with behavior in the church service but mostly with the daily behavior of all Christians.

Let’s look at the context of this verse to see if people are right about women prophesying in the church. The entire chapter before this verse are instructions for godly behavior and doesn’t mention anything about being in a church service. Here are a few verses for examples.

Neither let us commit fornication, as some of them committed, and fell in one day three and twenty thousand.

Neither let us tempt Christ, as some of them also tempted, and were destroyed of serpents.

10 Neither murmur ye, as some of them also murmured, and were destroyed of the destroyer.

31 Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.

The next chapter, 1 Corinthians 11, then goes on to speak about a husband being head over his wife and the verse we are studying is in these verses.

But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God.

Every man praying or prophesying, having his head covered, dishonors his head.

But every woman that prays or prophesies with her head uncovered dishonors her head: for that is even all one as if she were shaven.

For if the woman be not covered, let her also be shorn: but if it be a shame for a woman to be shorn or shaven, let her be covered.

For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of the man.

For the man is not of the woman: but the woman of the man.

Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man.

15 But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering.

16 But if any man seem to be contentious, we have no such custom, neither the churches of God.

Do you see that last verse? The churches of God have no such custom! There’s nothing here about being part of a church service in these verses. It’s simply teaching a wife’s relationship to her husband as he is her head and authority, and he is her head whether or not she is in a church service or not. Her hair is always her covering as a symbol of being in submission to her husband.

The next thing I want you to ponder is the definition of prophesy given in the Bible. A couple chapters later, Paul describes it for us: “But he that prophesies speaks unto men to edification, and exhortation, and comfort” (1 Corinthians 14:3) It’s not a “new word from the Lord” as many claim today. It’s using what we know from the Word to edify, exhort, and comfort others. Mothers will use all of these when raising their children.

Older women also use all three of these things (prophesy: edify, exhort, comfort) with younger women as I do in order to teach all aspects of godly womanhood. Ken has told me that I have the gift of prophesy but I certainly don’t ever speak out in a church service or hear a “new word” apart from Scriptures. Women may even have to exhort a friend, sister, or relative who is in sin. It has nothing whatsoever about speaking out in a church service and Paul made this clear when he taught that women are to be silent  in the church (1 Corinthians 14:34 and 1 Timothy 2:12).

Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience, as also saith the law.
1 Corinthians 14:34

Why Do Women Despise Being the Weaker Vessel?

Why Do Women Despise Being the Weaker Vessel?

“Why do you think women despise the biblical term “weaker vessel” in describing women?” I asked this question to the women in the chat room and here are some of their replies.

“When I was much younger, I had the mentality that ‘I can do anything a man can do. I don’t need a man.’ Sure I always thought about getting married, but I didn’t look at it from a biblical perspective and how valuable each gender is…the strengths of one pick up the weaknesses of the other and vice versa. I honestly had no intention of staying at home. No intention of homeschooling. That stuff wasn’t ‘normal.’

I think being single my whole life (until I met my now husband) kind of fueled that. I was encouraged to stay single. To go to college. Establish a career. THEN find a husband and have kids one day. I was young and didn’t need a husband and kids right away or I would be ‘tied down.’

I did go to college. Freshman year, I went away from home and moved back for the remainder (my mama was very sick). At the local college, I met my (now) sister-in-law (we were both in nursing school…she a year ahead). After I met her brother…that all went away.

Why wouldn’t I want to marry young? Why wouldn’t I want to be a stay-at-home wife and mommy? Why wouldn’t I want a man to depend on where I am weak?

I think women today are so brainwashed. But if they were to push aside the thoughts they are fed, you naturally just fall into your roles…at least it worked that way for me.

Sure I still had some work to do after I got married (this is where the chat room comes in 😉 ) but now I see how foolish I was when I was younger.” (Sarah)

“In the eyes of society the term weaker indicates that women are not as good as, or as important as men and that term to them also sounds like men can be allowed to dominate over women. It comes back to control, wanting to be better than and do without men. If we look at women as weaker than men then women by large can not do everything that men can. That is what society fights against. They do not like being told they should not or can not do something.” (Cassie)

“Pride.” (Audra)

“Simply put, they have been taught by feminist to take offense of any term that does not indicate they are totally equal in all ways or better then men. Which is based on feelings, which makes us a weaker vessel, which confirms we are. ;)” (Tracy)

“It was actually a relief to me when I learned this. I was raised with mindset of ‘you shouldn’t need to depend on a man to take care of you.’ It always felt unnatural to me, as if I just didn’t have what it takes to be successful or follow through in the career world. When I learned what God says my role is, it was like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I don’t have to carry the burden that my husband does as provider and protector, and for that I am grateful!” (Jessica)

“For those of us that live in reality, we know it’s true. My husband is so much stronger than I am in almost every way. And I am fine with that! I can’t imagine how miserable I would be if I lived my life everyday trying to disprove something that is an absolute truth.” (Robin)

Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
1 Peter 3:7

*If you are interested in being in the chat room, you must be a woman, fill out the application, and ask to join before being let in. We were receiving so many requests without knowing what the women believed. We don’t want it to be a place of dissension but of godly women encouraging, rebuking, and exhorting each other in the ways of godly womanhood.

Should Women Teach the Bible in Public?

Should Women Teach the Bible in Public?

As many of you know, I have become convicted about teaching the Bible (theology) to women. I love learning from God’s Word and want to know the truth of it above all. I teach all of the biblical principles of godly womanhood which includes a lot of Bible verses but I don’t claim to be a theologian, pastor, elder, or deacon since God has made it clear in His Word that men are to be the preacher/teachers of the Word. I am seeing too many women preacher/teachers teaching things that are contrary to the Word of God to believe that God wants them teaching the Bible to other women. Plus, they usually teach everything but what the Bible has to say about being a godly woman.

I have decided to research two verses by going again to the commentaries of old to search out my convictions. I love these commentaries because they haven’t been swayed by feminism or political correctness. The verse I am looking at is 1 Timothy 2:11, “Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.”

“According to St. Paul, women are not allowed to be public teachers in the church; for teaching is an office of authority. But good women may and ought to teach their children at home the principles of true religion. Also, women must not think themselves excused from learning what is necessary to salvation, though they must not usurp authority. As woman was last in the creation, which is one reason for her subjection, so she was first in the transgression.” From this comment, women are to learn the Word of God from male leaders in the church and they are to learn in silence. Then, they are to go home and teach their children what they have learned.

“Let the woman learn in silence – Listen attentively to instruction, without attempting to teach in public.” This goes against most teaching we hear today. There are many women who teach the Bible in public these days and they have no problems teaching men and women. I just had a thought. The reason these women don’t normally teach the biblical principles of godly womanhood is because they can’t or it would judge them as not obeying it. They are not learning in silence with all subjection and they usually aren’t keepers at home under the submission of their husbands.

“With all subjection—not ‘usurping authority’ (1 Timothy 2:12). She might teach, but not in public (Acts 18:26).” Yet, another commentary of old saying that women should not be teaching out in public. If we look at all the commands to women, there’s nothing that tells women to be known for teaching the Bible in public. Not one command or example.

“The apostle goes on to give some other instructions to women, how they should behave themselves in public worship, in the church of God; he would have them be learners and not teachers, sit and hear, and learn more of Christ, and of the truth of the Gospel, and to maintain good works; and he would have them learn in silence, and not offer to rise and speak, under a pretense of having a word from the Lord, or of being under an impulse of the Spirit of the Lord, as some frantic women have done; and if they should meet with anything, under the ministry of the word, they did not understand, or they had an objection to, they were not to speak in public, but ask their own husbands at home.”

Learners and not teachers. Learn in silence. Not offer to rise and speak. They were not to speak in public. All things that we don’t hear from preachers today. This would offend many rebellious women of today. (Nothing about God’s Word offends me and I love to study it to know exactly what God requires of me.)

“Spiritual receptivity and activity in domestic life were recognized as the appropriate destiny of women, and therefore the female sex was excluded from the public discussion of religious subjects. Though in Christ there is no distinction, yet Christianity does not put an end to the natural distinctions ordained by God; it recognizes them in order to inform them with its higher life.” God’s ordained roles for the sexes is beautiful and create order. Women are to be known for having gentle and quiet spirits. Our role is not inferior to men in any way but it is different and it is good.

“But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence” (1 Timothy 2:12) Let’s look at the old commentaries on this similar verse.

“The whole purpose of these weighty admonitions of the great founder of the Gentile Churches relegates Christian women to their own legitimate sphere of action and influence—the quiet of their own homes… St. Paul shows what is the only proper sphere in which woman should work, and in which she should exercise her influence and power; while man’s work and duties lay in the busy world without, woman’s work was exclusively confined to the quiet stillness of home. The Apostle then proceeds to ground these injunctions respecting the duties in public and private of the two sexes upon the original order of creation, and upon the circumstances which attended the fall.” Keepers at home. Homes take a lot to run smoothly and there is a lot of work to be done in the home especially when there are children. Learn to love being at home, women. Find contentment there. It is a good place to be.

“But I suffer not a woman to teach, They may teach in private, in their own houses and families; they are to be teachers of good things.” I love teaching in the privacy of my own home. I don’t have to fly anywhere, stay in hotels, leave my husband or grandchildren. I’m able to visit by aged mother and father, and take care of my home. I don’t want to leave my home and I love being a teacher of “good things” (Titus 2:3) to younger women as the Lord commands older women.

“The first argument, why it is not lawful for women to teach in the congregation, because by this means they would be placed above men, for they would be their masters: and this is against God’s ordinance.” When women seek to teach other women the Bible, these women they are teaching are learning and listening to women instead of men as God has directed them to learn from. Some of these women preachers/teachers are leading women astray. I see it happening. “God spoke to me so this word is for you…”  Many times, these women eventually have no problem standing in front of and teaching men.

It’s become very obvious to me what this means for women. God made it clear exactly what He wants women to teach other women in Titus 2:3-5. There is absolutely no guesswork in this. If you are an older women, teach these good things to younger women. Allow godly men to teach them the majority of the Bible.

Women Withholding Sex from Their Husbands

Women Withholding Sex from Their Husbands

This was a comment by Trey on my post Giving Men a Voice on Being Starved for Sex.

There is not enough plain talk in the world theses days. Here are some plain words, spoken in love to all of you women out there.

Too many women want to try and make this a complex issue and discuss it (ad nauseam) from every possible angle. Women have a thousand excuses for why they don’t “want” or “feel” like having sex with their husbands but when you blow away all of the smoke and smash all of the mirrors it all boils down to just… one… thing. SIN! Women withholding sex (and not just sex but intimacy) from their husbands is just another way that they are not obeying God by submitting THEMSELVES unto their own husbands in EVERYTHING and are sinfully maintaining that CONTROL for themselves.

I will say this as plain as it is. With very, very few exceptions (rare health issues, addictions, or physically abusive situations), if you are a woman who calls herself Godly and thinks she is following Jesus Christ in her life but withholding sex from your husband you are living in a delusional fantasy. You are not serving Christ but Satan and Christ (if you even know Him) is severely grieved by your wretchedly SINFUL behavior. PERIOD.

You cannot even fathom the amount and depth of damage that you are doing to your husband, your marriage, your children and consequently… yourselves. This is yet another area where women are their own worst enemies! If you engage in this wretchedly sinful behavior, you are heaping tons of damage and pain and suffering on yourselves and everyone you claim to love most!

God made sex for marriage and he tells you in the Bible that you should be having it and that you should not cease from having it often except by mutual agreement and then only for a short specific time period for a specific purpose (1 Corinthians 7:2-5). God made sex to be enjoyed by men and women equally. “Most” men are driven to it by their hormones. “Most” women must often (out of obedience) choose to do it.

And speaking of hormones ladies, if it were not for testosterone and the sex drive that God put into men making them attracted to women for sex, I personally don’t believe that the vast majority of men would choose to have anything to do with women at all. Women are in so many ways different than men and are so confusing, emotional, irrational and so much trouble that without the sex drive, the vast majority of men would not give a woman the time of day. This is my personal opinion and might not be true.

So in essence, the thing that so many women despise about men is the only thing that draws them to you and gets them to marry you and provide for you and protect you in the first place! Then you take it away from them and they are forced to stay married to you because of their commitment to God? SERIOUSLY!?!?! And women are constantly complaining about how men physically and emotionally abuse them?! The vast majority of women (in our society) have never experienced physical abuse and I would contend that most of the emotional abuse they have experienced is of their own making. I will assure you that every man married to a gate-keeping or refusing wife is both physically AND emotionally abused by their wives!!!

God made sex to bring a husband and wife together in body, soul, and spirit. Among other things, it is the magnet that draws and the glue that binds your husband to you. You women want to have a close and intimate “oneness” relationship with your husband? Sex is the path that God created to draw your man to you and bind the two of you together. Your husband not only has a Physical NEED for sex (just like he needs to eat food and drink water to survive) he also has an Emotional need for it. Both of these needs were God created so if you despise them, you are despising God.

Even if you give your husband all of the sex he wants and his physical needs are met, if you do not emotionally participate (rather just give him Duty Sex), his emotional needs are still not met and no intimacy will be created between the two of you. Women, there are no half measures here. You have to give YOURSELF COMPLETELY (physically and emotionally) to your husband for God’s blessings to be realized.

Lots of men will just fake it and apologize when they are not even in the wrong and force themselves to do nice things like the dishes or vacuum and pretend to show kindness toward you… all in an effort to get sex because their physical need is so overwhelming but their words and actions are not real! It is just a show they are putting on to try and get you to have sex with them and in their hearts they resent it and it damages any true intimacy that might be between you! If you want their feelings and kind/thoughtful actions to be real toward you, then they require “quality” sex on a regular basis. God made it that quality sex on a regular basis ACTUALLY causes a man to feel closer to and have more loving thoughts and feelings toward his wife. It MAKES him feel more loving toward her. It MAKES him want to do things to please her and make her happy! It binds the two of you together in a oneness relationship! The lack of it does just the opposite.

What do I mean by “quality” sex? You must not just make your bodies “available” to your husband so they can use it to satisfy their physical needs, you must fully (mind, body, spirit) engage in the act with them. Don’t just have sex… MAKE LOVE!!! You must choose (yes it is a mental choice on your part) to become aroused and give YOURSELVES fully and completely to him with no reservation. This level of trust and commitment might take some time and effort to achieve but it is the goal you must never cease in striving for and practice-makes-perfect.

So many women cry and lament and are depressed that they don’t have a close and intimate relationship with their husband. Why does your husband not spend much time with you? Why don’t you share in deep and meaningful conversations and share your feelings together? Why don’t you feel the love, affection and adoration coming from him? Why are you not cherished by your husband? If you find yourself asking those questions then ask yourself this one. How fully and how often do you give yourself sexually to him? This is the primary key to achieving what you so deeply desire.

Women, as with so many things in marriage, you hold the keys!!! Obey God and do it his way and you (and your entire family) will reap His bountiful blessings. Disobey God and do it your way and it brings nothing but misery and pain.

Stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
1 Corinthians 7:5

***UPDATE: For women who commented about having husband who don’t desire sex often, it may have to do with low testosterone and I was sent this article that may help.

Feminists are Weak Women

Feminists are Weak Women

weak

Feminists are not strong women as they suppose. They are weak. Strong women don’t get offended at every little thing that disagrees with what they believe. “Modern feminists are afraid of life. They are afraid of differences of opinion, and especially afraid of men.”* Feminists women don’t have the strength to be submissive to their husband. It takes strength to obey our husbands and give up our desires for our husbands and allow them to be the leader of our home. Feminine, godly women have this strength from the Lord and they build up their home instead of tear it down as many are doing today.

Dennis Prager wrote a brilliant piece in the National Review called Feminism Make Women Weak. My favorite part of the entire article was the last paragraph. “You want to know what women are strong? Here’s an example: Any young woman who announced in a college class that as much as she may want a career, she is more interested in finding a good man to marry. In other words, any young woman who announced that she isn’t a feminist.” I wanted to stand up and shout, “YES!” God clearly states what godly young women will most likely want in life besides bringing glory to Him: to marry, bear children, and guide the home.

I wasn’t the least bit ashamed to tell people that I wanted to marry and have children when I was young. I had no interest in a career. “Well, what if you never meet a man who wants to marry you?” I was asked. I will pray and pray that the Lord will give me my heart’s desire. If He does not, I will glorify Him some other way, however, the majority of women do get married and this is a good thing since God created men to need a help meet. “Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man” (1 Corinthians 11:9) Women have forgotten what their purpose in marriage is supposed to be. They forget they are their husband’s help meet and instead, expect their husbands to make them happy.

“Most feminists have conflated equality and sameness. And that’s a huge mistake; the sexes are equal, but they are different.”*  I don’t want to be the same as men. I want to be a woman, just the way the Lord has made me.

Feminine women should understand the differences between the sexes. Men struggle with their sexual nature and this doesn’t make women better and men perverts. No, this is just the way they are. “The male desire to touch the bodies of just about every woman they are attracted to is — trigger warning here — normal. It has nothing to do with hatred of women or viewing women as unequal.”* Strong women can handle this knowledge and instead of being offended by it, we sympathize with men in their struggle knowing that our struggle is with our desire to control our husbands and with our emotional nature. Yes, we are different and we have different struggles. It shouldn’t offend us when we find out that men love women’s bodies. Good, mature men control their sexual nature just as good, mature women control their need to control their husbands and their emotional nature.

As feminine women, our strength isn’t in who we are or the fact that we are feminine, it comes from knowing who we are in Christ and loving the way He created us to be and the role He has given us to do. True strength isn’t fighting this but welcoming it and becoming women with gentle and quiet spirits who dress modestly, love and obey our husband, love our children, are good, chaste, discreet, sober, and keepers at home. Now, this right here is a definition of a strong woman. Her strength comes from the Lord because she could never do all of this on her own.

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil.

Proverbs 31:10, 11

*Dennis Prager quotes from article

A Brawling (Quarreling), Scolding Woman

A Brawling (Quarreling), Scolding Woman

From Matthew Henry Commentary

See here, What a great affliction it is to a man to have a brawling scolding woman for his wife, who upon every occasion, and often upon no occasion, breaks out into a passion, and chides either him or those about her, is fretful to herself and furious to her children, and, in both, vexatious to her husband. If a man has a wide house, spacious and pompous, this will embitter the comfort of it to him–a house of society (so the word is), in which a man may be sociable, and entertain his friends; this will make both him and his house unsociable, and unfit for enjoyments of true friendship. It makes a man ashamed of his choice and his management, and disturbs his company.

What many a man is forced to do under such an affliction. He cannot keep up his authority. He finds it to no purpose to contradict the most unreasonable passion, for it is unruly and rages so much the more; and his wisdom and grace will not suffer him to render railing for railing, nor his conjugal affection to use any severity, and therefore he finds it his best way to retire into a corner of the house-top,and sit alone there, out of the hearing of her clamour; and if he employ himself well there, as he may do, it is the wisest course he can take. Better do so than quit the house, and go into bad company, for diversion, as many, who, like Adam, make their wife’s sin the excuse of their own.

 It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop,
than with a brawling woman in a wide house.
Proverbs 21:8

Mutual Annoyances and Daily Pinpricks

Mutual Annoyances and Daily Pinpricks

Since my grandchildren left The Screwtape Letters on my coffee table, I have decided to write a post on all the chapters that seem applicable to what I love to teach, namely anything concerning women. From chapter three, this man that the Devil and his helper are working on has become a believer so they are trying to find ways to make him fall away from the faith, namely, hoping he has shallow roots when any type of hard times come. In this chapter, the man is living with his mother but for the sake of this post I am going to change it to a wife living with her husband.

“The Enemy (God) will be working from the center outwards, gradually bringing more and more of the patient’s conduct under the new standard (obedience), and may reach her behavior to her husband at any moment.” You know, that whole winning him without a word thing by being in subjection to him with godly behavior that God comforts wives with in 1 Peter 3:1? Yes, this is God’s perfect prescription for winning a disobedient husband to Jesus, if he is not a believer or claims to be but is living in unrepentant sin.

“Build up between you in that house a good settled habit of mutual annoyance; daily pinpricks.” I am sure every single one of you can relate to this. How many things does your husband do that irritates you? Have you learned to stop allowing it to bother you or do you nag him to death about it? The first way builds your home up and the second one tears it down. As soon as you feel the slightest of irritation towards him, begin singing in your thoughts or out loud, “Turn your eyes upon Jesus. Look full in His wonderful face and the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace” and remind yourself that love is longsuffering and kind.

“You must bring her to a condition in which she can practice self-examination for an hour without discovering any of those facts about herself which are perfectly clear to anyone who has ever lived in the same house with her or worked in the same office.” We all have faults. Instead of pointing fingers at others, we must concentrate on the three pointing back at us. Listen to the criticisms of those who know you best: your parents, your siblings, your spouse, and close friends. Work on these and have someone hold you accountable to get rid of them. Examine yourselves, whether ye be in the faith; prove your own selves (2 Corinthians 13:5).

“Make sure that they are always very ‘spiritual’, that she is always concerned with the state of his soul and never with his rheumatism…I have had patients of my own so well in hand that they could be turned at a moment’s notice from impassioned prayer for a husband’s son or son’s soul to beating or insulting the real husband or son without a qualm.” If we are concentrated on praying for God to take away all of our husband’s sins and to walk in obedience to the Lord and His ways while ignoring our own sin and the way we treat others, we are lacking in grace and character. If your husband has aches and pains, pray for him and have compassion on him as well as his eternal soul. As you begin to have compassion on him and praying for everything concerning him, you will find yourself actually caring for and loving him more deeply.

“When two humans have lived together for many years it usually happens that each has tones of voice and expressions of face which are almost unendurably irritating to each other. Work on that…And, of course, never let her suspect that her tones and looks which similarly annoy him. As she cannot see or hear herself, this is easily managed.” If your husband says you are too harsh, loud, or disrespectful, instead of responding, “Well, you’re…”, believe him and go about stopping this behavior. Tell him you are sorry and you won’t do it again. “Go and sin no more.”

“In civilized life domestic hatred usually expresses itself by saying things which would appear quite harmless on paper (the words are not offensive) but in such a voice, or at such a moment, that they are not far short of a blow in the face. To keep this game up you and Glubose (another demon) must see to it that each of these two fools has a sort of double standard. Your patient must demand that all of her own utterances are to be taken at their face value and judged simply on the actual words, while at the same time judging all her husband’s utterances with the fullest and most over-sensitive interpretation of the tone and the context and suspected intention. He must be encouraged to do the same to her. Hence from every quarrel they can both go away convinced, or very nearly convinced, that they are quite innocent.”

One of the worst things a wife can do is over analyze her husband’s words and behaviors. Instead, learn to not get offended easily for getting offended easily is another word for self-pity and self-pity is satanic. When you find yourself becoming critical towards your husband and falling into a pit of self-pity, quickly take these thoughts captives to the Lord Jesus Christ. “I don’t think this way anymore. I am a new creature in Christ and choose to believe the best about my husband!” Make sure your words, actions, and facial expressions towards him are respectful as well, since this honors the Lord.

Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord; Looking diligently lest any man fail of the grace of God; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble you, and thereby many be defiled.
Hebrews 12:14, 15