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Month: April 2018

How Does Marriage Benefit Her?

How Does Marriage Benefit Her?

“As a woman, how exactly does marriage benefit me? I’m not trying to argue; it’s my honest response. I have a degree and a salary and I’m being called to give that up to take care and clean up after someone all the while letting him lord me in any way he pleases. I have my own apartment, paid off car, retirement plan, health insurance, etc. and I’m being told that giving all of that up is more beneficial for a woman than a man. I’m really sorry but I’m honestly looking for answers to this. I want to be convinced of how marriage will be financially better for me if it’s going to financially ruin men.”

This was recently asked on an old post of mine called Men Giving Up on Marriage. I will tell you how marriage will benefit you, Carolyn. When you marry a godly, hard-working man, you won’t need a degree and a salary. He will be the one out in the world working hard to provide for you while you get to be in your own home and hopefully with your precious children. Instead of working for a boss every day and submitting to his will, you will have the privilege of making your husband’s life better and submitting to him; you know, the one you chose to love until death do you part.

You will most likely live in a home, have a car or two, a retirement plan, and health insurance because of your husband’s hard work for you and your family. You may have some children by your husband, if the Lord blesses you with them, that you can be home to watch their first smile, snuggle, and laugh with them, clap when they take their first step, and all of the other many wonderful blessings that come with having children. These children will be blessed to have a father who loves them deeply and is involved with their lives.

You will get to live by your own schedule instead of your boss’ schedule. If it’s a pretty day out, you can take your children to the park. If you’re sick, you can rest on the couch while the children play around you. If you get real sick with a brain tumor like I did, your husband will sit by your side in the ER making sure you are being well cared for.

You can meet a friend for coffee and help those in need since you’ll be more available. You’ll have plenty of time and energy to go shopping, cook healthy meals from scratch, and keep your home clean and tidy. You will teach your children all of the wonderful ways of the Lord and watch them grow in the wisdom and knowledge of Him. There is NO greater joy than to see your children walk in truth.

You’ll have a man around to help you with things that you are unable to do. He can carry and move things that are too heavy for you. He can fix things that you are simply unable to fix. He will protect you since he is much stronger than you. If an intruder were to come into your home, he would be the one to go after him. He will help you to see when you are being deceived by someone since men are usually not as easily deceived as women. There’s no way you would ever want to divorce this man even though he won’t be perfect because neither are you!

You’ll watch your children grow up and get married. Oh, the weddings are so much fun and a time for great celebration! Marriage is God’s perfect design for us and He is our Creator! One of my sons-in-law was an officiant at a wedding this past weekend and this is what he said to the bride and groom during the wedding:

“Most days of your marriage are going to look, on the surface, rather mundane… But I want you to see what’s under the surface. Something far from mundane. Rather a bold and courageous defiance against an enemy that wants you to feel doubt and discontentment. A defiance against a prevailing misunderstanding that God’s plan for marriage doesn’t work anymore. Under the surface, your faithful obedience is resounding with the majesty and glory of God’s truth. Let this truth surface as often as you can. Let the world see the profound power of the type of love that can come only from the God of the Bible. This is gospel-centered love, in a gospel-centered marriage. This is covenant love.”

When your last child is married off to a godly man with this gospel-centered marriage and covenant love, you will rejoice! These married couples will become close friends of yours and family times will be your most favorite thing in the world to experience. When they’re all gathered around the table together with you, you will have tears rolling down your cheeks as you praise God for His many blessings.

You won’t grow older alone. The grandchildren will come over and it will be like having children all over again! They’ll tell you that you’re the best grandma ever and want to cuddle with you on your chair. They will make you laugh and you’ll have the joy of children in your life. You’ll take them on walks with you, color with them, watch them play outside, and read to them.

In your old age and near death, your children, grandchildren, and maybe great grandchildren will come to visit you on your sickbed. They will tell you how much you’ve meant in their lives. They will thank you for pouring your life into their’s. They will hug and kiss you each time they leave and you will feel God’s blessings raining down on you as your prepare to meet your Savior face-to-face.

There’s so much joy living life according to God’s plan. Having a husband to love and care for is not a burden but a blessing. As you pour your life into him and grow old with him by your side, you will rejoice that the Lord has been so good to you. It’s His blessings that are far superior to man’s blessings. His blessings are husbands, children, family, friends, and everything that is eternal. Nothing man has made including money can compare with this. I pray the Lord opens your eyes to the truth and beauty of His perfect ways, Carolyn.

House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD.
Proverbs 19:14

Homeworking is the Biblical Lifestyle for Christian Wives

Homeworking is the Biblical Lifestyle for Christian Wives

Here are a few paragraphs from Mary Pride’s excellent book The Way Home

The movement toward outside careers is NOT a Christian invention. The American materialistic feminist tradition favoring women’s economic independence and socialized domestic work gave it birth in the nineteenth century. Like all religions, it has a Great Assumption. Christianity’s Great Assumption (which unlike other religions’ is verifiable by historical evidence) is that the Bible is true. Feminism’s Great Assumption is that woman is the measure of all things.

Homeworking is the biblical lifestyle for Christian wives. Homeworking is not just staying home either (that was the mistake of the fifties). We are not called by God to stay home, or to sit at home, but to work at home!…To call only women who leave the home working wives amounts to saying that women who stay home don’t work! This psychological word game is at the root of our modern career movement.

Careerism is based on an inferiority complex, as follows. 1) Only men’s work has worth. Women’s traditional work is useless. Therefore, 2) I must get a job to prove I am somebody. If all the action is out in the men’s “economic-opportunity sphere,” well then, we’ll have to crowd into that end of the bus.

Homeworking means working at home. We are not supposed to be the breadwinners – that’s the man’s job. But we are to make an economic contribution. You probably already make more money for your family than you realize…I calculated that every dollar saved by homeworking wife amounts to three earned, because you don’t have to pay tax, tithe, day-care, transportation, and a whole host of other expenses on money you save. Do you bake whole wheat bread or make your own yogurt?

The money saved on medical bills from proper nutrition is no small change, and the amount you save by cooking from scratch can also be quite substantial. It’s not uncommon for a homeworking wife to save her family thousands of dollars a year on their food bills alone. And wives who teach their children at home instead of paying for Christian school can save $10,000 a year or more, depending on family size.

Picture a housewife coming home with bags of food, having stopped off at the supermarket first, then the health food store (because yeast and other bulk items are cheaper there), and the produce market (for fresh fruit and vegetables), and you’ve got it. This the the picture of the Proverbs 31 woman is trying to convey.

Wives who join food co-ops, who trek out monthly to a nearby farm to buy eggs, honey, and grains in bulk, who carefully sift over the radishes before putting any in their shopping basket, who have learned to stretch a dollar farther and buy better food with it – these are the women this passage describes.

She looks well to the ways of her household, and eats not the bread of idleness.
Proverbs 31:27

Painting by Laurts Tuxen

Basing Our Lives Upon Truth or Opinions

Basing Our Lives Upon Truth or Opinions

Written By Ken

Recently I spent some time engaged in discussions with various opponents who are against parts or all of Lori’s blog. For some, the angst is based on a false fear that what Lori teaches is dangerous to the unlearned and unwise Christian follower who blindly follows allowing herself to be abused by her husband. No matter how Lori tells her audience not to submit to abuse it will never be enough to assuage their fears. For others its that “Lori puts down women” by her regular focus on wifely submission and keepers at home. After all, women are capable of so much more than being subservient to a husband and a house maid with children. The list is many and varied with much of the angst over how Lori runs her blog, not allowing detractors to plant their weeds of comments on her pages. In today’s world of “no holds barred” social media, how can that be fair?

On the surface, the complaints have some merit and if only Lori could run the blog as 20 other women want her to run it maybe she would be a more successful blogger. I, too, know a few people who are convinced that it they could just run my life I could be far more successful, too. The problem is that Lori’s blog only belongs to one person, the Lord God. He is the one who gave her the calling to be obedient to His Word in “teaching the younger women…” and He gave her exactly what He wants her to focus upon, “That they may love and obey their husbands and be keepers at home.” If someone has a problem with her repeating in many ways these essential aspects of Christian womanhood, they should take it up with God and His Word.

God also is the one who gave Lori her personality, gifts, and strengths to carry out the ministry. He does not choose perfect people to ministry, but most often chooses those who are willingly placing their time, resources, and abilities into the Lord’s hands to do with them as He pleases.

As the story goes, Lori had been mentoring women one-on-one for a number of years with great success, often on and off based on her health issues. It was always fun to have her whisper in my ear as we sat in church together, “Do you see that woman in the blue dress on the back row with that man? She’s one I mentored whose husband left her and they are over there holding hands! I have not heard from her in a year.” Then to meet them after church and as we are leaving the wife leans over to Lori and whispers to her, “You know, I can’t thank you enough. Things are so good at home and to think I would have left him if it was not for you.” Just a few simple yet powerful concepts from God’s Word delivered by an obedient older godly woman proves again that the Word is living, active, and healing.

Almost every day, Lori gets one or more thank you notes from women who have been positively impacted from her imperfect ministry. A ministry God is using powerfully to help marriages and families, and yet we and our opponents know she is far from polished or perfect. When she hit a period of a heavy bout of 5-6-7’s in pain on a scale of 10, and was basically housebound for a long period of time, it was then that she felt called to start an Internet mentoring ministry. Her goal was find women who would want her ministry in their lives, so she announced to me one day, “I am going to start a mentoring blog and see if I can get 30 followers!” My response returned her enthusiasm by saying, “I will bet that you get 100!”

With only a modest ability to just surf the Internet, she called our computer whiz daughter and began the process of setting up her original “Always Learning” blog. Soon the posts were coming out and comments started showing up. Many of the comments reasonable and others not so sound, but Lori was enjoying her small success and dreaming up new posts to write.

All seemed to be going according to plan until one day it seemed like a hornet’s nest had found the blog and was leaving stinging attacks all over it. In frustration and perhaps tears she told me about it, and in my confident manner I assured her that we could handle this All we needed to do was reason with these people. And reason we did. Back and forth and forth and back went the merry-go-round of ideas where the two circles never seemed to be able to find common ground.

Some were attacking as they were sure we had never studied all of the many modern hermeneutical gymnastics that justifies why a wife no longer must submit to her husband and can choose to teach and be an elder in the church. Others claimed that what she teaches will lead to abuse, wives everywhere in Christianity being abused by their husbands all because they submitted. Even children will be abused if you teach modest spanking like the Bible and our parents taught us. To hear them talk, there must be millions of these gullible Christian women who are in danger of discovering that wifely submission will subject them to a husband who will take advantage of them if they choose to live a life modeled after God’s call for Biblical submission. After all, many Christian husbands cannot be trusted.

Now to be fair, this idea does not exist in a vacuum as indeed some Christian wives have been and may be at this moment being mistreated by their husbands. In some cases these wives may be putting up with the abuse because they believe in God’s promise that the “may win him without a word…” They have been taught or have read it for themselves that this is God’s prescription for the Christian woman married to a disobedient man.

Lori and I have regularly repeated the mantra that if you feel you are being abused in any way, please seek local counsel on the matter. Take it up with more than one source. If it is physical abuse, don’t allow it and pack up the kids and head to a relative’s or friend’s home. No one one can effectively counsel someone who may be in an abusive relationship with online comments. A real life set of persons needs to evaluate such situations.

So with this cry of “abuse!” many of the opponents tried to shut Lori down. There was an active campaign to slander us, bully us, twist the truth, and threaten my livelihood all in the name of saving women from the husbands they chose to marry and love for a lifetime. Don’t get me wrong as far too many marriages do go wrong. Talk to many or most of these opponents and you will find they feel they were abused in Christian marriages or by Christian parents perhaps hidden inside ultra conservative churches. It seems natural for them to project their fears on most marriages, unwilling to acknowledge that the vast majority of Christian marriages and families have never had a hint of abuse within them. Just the possibility that a wife’s submission could lead to abuse should invalidate Lori’s teaching it, right?

As I left the most recent discussion with some of our detractors, a woman commented:

“All he does is keep repeating ‘the Bible says and it’s the long-time practice of the church.’ Is that all he’s got?”

Pretty much, yes. If our circles of understanding do not intersect, it is because we stand by God’s Word as fully inspired by God and all that is within it is is the gift of wisdom God has given His church to show us how we are to live our lives before Him. All we need for life and godliness are contained in the Bible. So, yes, that is all I have and the proof of God’s truths in my life and the lives of millions of Christians who have chosen to believe God at His Word throughout the centuries.

What all of these discussions most often come down to is “what is your basis for is knowledge on the matter?” How do you know what you know to be true or false? Do you get it from your experiences or from your fears? What is the basis for establishing what is the truth?

Epistemology is one of the first studies the Bible student undertakes as it is “the branch of philosophy that studies the theory of knowledge, especially with regard to its methods, validity, basis and scope. Epistemology is the investigation of what distinguishes justified belief from opinion.”

Knowledge and belief systems go hand in hand and cannot be separated. Many nonchristians falsely believe that they have no belief system, but that is not true. Their belief system may not be as well formulated as is Christianity, but a belief that there are no valid religions is in itself a religion of humanism and self-worship as it exaults one’s mind above the mind of God.

But back to the issue of my over-dependence on God’s Word and the church history and practice of the Word by Christians throughout the last 2,000 years. To this we plead 100% guilty. I actually take it as a compliment to think that my arguments revolve primarily around what God says and the defense of our practice and teaching of the Word is the proof of how most of our fellow saints who went before us lived their lives. And guess what? Most Christian marriages pre-Feminism aspired to a Biblical understanding of a wife’s submission to her husband. Most mom’s were stay-at-home moms, watching over their young’uns and caring for the things of the family. Why would these two things be so prevalent throughout Christian centuries? Because God said so.

Our basis for knowledge and belief is found in what God says in His inspired Word and that “no prophecy of Scripture comes from someone’s own interpretation. For no prophecy was ever produced by the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.” (2 Peter 1:20-21). Many want to claim that God’s Word is hard to understand and that it is open to one’s interpretation or in other words “one’s opinions.” But that is not so. To determine what the Bible is teaching is not a difficult task if one is to accept what it states at face value without interjecting opinion or wishful thinking.

We are with the majority of Christians who throughout history have believed that God, through His Word, has given to mankind an instruction manual loaded with “all we need for life and godliness.” If that is true then looking at the practice of God’s Word throughout church history should give us a good idea as to what God has desired from His faithful people. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand that the Bible twelve times gives the relationship of the wife to her husband without ever once asking a husband to submit to his wife. In fairness it does say we are to submit to one another in the church once. Twelve to zero and maybe just once in the context of introducing the matters God later delineates with specificity, twice here:

“Submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.” (Ephesians 5:23 – 6:1-2)

Is there really any question as to what God’s Word teaches on this matter? No. The only argument against it can be that it is “cultural so no longer applies to today’s modern world.” And what is your basis for knowledge that you can wipe out God’s clear Word and the practice of the Church through the last two millenia? Your opinion? You can bolster as many arguments as you like as to why you have formed an opinion that is contrary to what God’s Word clearly teaches, but those arguments are only supporting an opinion that has no basis in knowledge. You cannot create any firm basis for truth by an argument, “I don’t think God wants wives to have to be submissive anymore. That may have been good for Peter and Paul’s cultures, but not for today.” This is not good epistemology.

So our circles cannot meet to find common ground so long as we try to stick to the inerrant eternal Word that we are told is our basis for all of life and godliness while our opponents and many in the modern church want to sweep it away with an opinion about how God must really think and what He really wants from the modern-day Christian woman. The crazy thing is we don’t really care how our opponents want to think as that is between them and their Lord. I am sure there are some good Christians who have bought into this series of opinions about the Bible. All we care about is trying to be as faithful to the Word as we can be in communicating what God’s desire is for those within the body of Christ. And Lori wants to keep our opponents’ opinionated comments from distracting what the Word and her wisdom teaches.

If you want to live within an Egalitarian marriage and work a forty hour work week away from your babies… then go for it. It’s your life, and only you will have to give an account for how you have lived it. But don’t fault Lori for championing the Biblical directive for a SAHM as God’s ideal. All that that is left to ask is how much time must  a mom be home to be a keeper at home? 100%, 90% 80%, at what point is God’s desire fulfilled in your life and family? We are willing to see God’s grace having various levels of practice on such matters of marriage and family, but when seeing the Church walking almost lock-step with the world on working moms, we know something is broken. Please don’t fault Lori for sharing her opinion that being a keeper at home means full-time as much as a family can do so.

And what is sorely broken is that many in the church have traded what God hath said for their own opinions and it is beginning to look an awful lot like the days of Judges where “everyone did was right in their own sight” (Judges 17:6). The old sin of the garden rears its ugly head again and again throughout history and has now found its way into the Church where God’s clear Word on the matter is doubted and ultimately replaced with man’s opinion. After all, who would know better? “Hath God really said?” asked the Serpent of Old? What about your opinion Eve, after all, it is your life?

No thanks! We will stick with God’s Word on the matter and our circles will never meet with those who are unwilling to accept the Bible and church history as our authority for knowledge and truth on these matters.  What Lori is teaching is most often plainly taught be the Word and yes, as to how it applies becomes Lori’s well educated and experienced opinions as one older, godly woman doing what God has called all the older, godly women in the church to do: To zero in on a just a few things that the Word demands of younger women who desire to please their God by loving their husbands and family.

Every word of God is pure. He is a shield unto them that put their trust in him. Add thou not unto his words, lest he reprove thee, and thou be found a liar.
Proverbs 30:5, 6

Daughters Being Trained in Biblical Womanhood

Daughters Being Trained in Biblical Womanhood

Up until a few generations ago, daughters were under their father’s protection and provision until they were married. They found productive ways to stay busy at home and caring for those around them. They helped their mothers with homemaking and caring for the siblings and elderly parents. They helped in the community and wherever there was a need. Daughters were an integral part of their family until they were ready to marry and begin a family of their own. Then they were well prepared for taking care of their own home, husband, and raising children.

A godly mother would train her daughters in all of the ways of biblical womanhood including submission, gentleness, kindness, generosity, and hospitality. All of these would prepare her daughters to be great wives and mothers some day. The daughters would naturally be content being keepers at home because they were trained to be one from childhood. They learned that life is about self-denial and sacrificing for others. They were available to help young mothers, care for the sick, mourn with those who mourn, and bring joy to other’s lives. They were trained in the art of serving others.

It wasn’t until college and careers began being pushed on young women that daughters were no longer under the protection and provision of their fathers. Now, young women are taught nothing about homemaking, being help meets to their husbands, or how to raise children; all of the things that the Lord has called them to do.

Instead, many young women leave their fathers protection, go to college, mount up huge debts, live their lives for themselves and being entertained. Many of them are exposed to things they should never see and then experiment with evil, especially in the secular universities. Sleeping around with guys trains them for divorce.

There’s nothing in the universities that train them for biblical womanhood. It trains them to be the complete opposite of what God calls them to be, yet many Christian parents continue to dole out the big bucks for their precious daughters to be defiled by universities. These daughters spend their most fertile years in college instead of being married and bearing children or least preparing for it.

Women are taught that they have no worth if they don’t make money. Money does NOT define your worth! Jesus Christ defines your worth and He has called women to marry, bear children, and guide the home. Money defining your worth is from a wicked and adulterous culture. It’s not wrong to have a small business from home if you have time and make a bit of money but this isn’t what gives you worth.

Right after high school, all I wanted was to be married and have children but going to college was the “normal” thing for everyone to do after high school so I went. I didn’t enjoy any of the classes. I tried but I just didn’t. I would have much preferred studying things I wanted to study instead of things I had no interest in. The Christian college I attended never once mentioned anything about biblical womanhood – not one thing as if having a career was way more important for Christian woman than marrying, bearing children, and guiding the home. No, thank you. I much prefer God’s ways!

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
1 Timothy 5:14

*Photo by Daniel Gerhartz

Sex is Basic to Marriage

Sex is Basic to Marriage

We know of some couples who are going through some very hard times and the wives refuse to be intimate with their husbands. Yes, we can try to guess what the husbands are doing wrong that the wives don’t want to have sex with them but we must still focus upon obeying God even when the other spouse is not in some areas. Most times in these situations, the wives don’t want to talk to me because they know what I will tell them, so we pray.

I read an article by a woman, who is not a Christian, entitled What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity. She prefers married men because she doesn’t have to worry about the long-term emotional attachment since they have wives, children, and mortgages. She wrote, “What surprised me was that husbands weren’t looking to have more sex. They were looking to have any sex…I suppose I would hope his needs would involve fishing trips or beers with friends. But sex is basic. Physical intimacy with other human beings is essential to our health and well being. So how do we deny such a need to the one we care about most? If our primary relationship nourishes and stabilizes us but lacks intimacy, we shouldn’t have to destroy our marriage to get that intimacy somewhere else, should we?”

The answer is no. God is clear that we are not to deprive each other sexually. She found that most married men simply wanted sex and would prefer sex with their own wives. They live with them day in and day out and are attracted to their wives. This is what happens when members of the opposite sex live in the same house, dress in front of each other, and sleep in the same bed. This shouldn’t surprise women.

Men have ten times the testosterone than women and their sex drive is typically much higher than women’s. Wives need to know this so they will keep their husbands sexually satisfied at home so they won’t go elsewhere looking for it. No, the husbands shouldn’t do this but even God’s Word warns us about this. “Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency (1 Corinthians 7:5).” When wives deprive their husbands, they are opening up their husbands to be tempted by Satan. This is not good at all! We are to do nothing to cause our brothers to stumble, no, not even our husbands.

The author said these husbands didn’t tell their wives about their longing for sex and finding it elsewhere because they didn’t want to hurt their wives. The author thought the lie was worse than the affair. Most husbands probably tell their wives how much they want sex but not to the extent since they know how their wives will respond. More rejection. This is why God commands older women to teach younger women to love their husbands which includes satisfying them sexually. Husbands go to work daily even when they don’t feel like it. Wives need to be sexually available to their husbands even if they don’t feel like it. We lives our lives based upon obedience not feelings.

Yes, there are some men who will have affairs even if their wives are available sexually and there are times when a wife simply cannot be available sexually because of health issues, giving birth, and issues such as these. I am not speaking about these specific cases but if you are married to a man who loves you and wants sex with you, I am writing to you.

Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
1 Corinthians 7:3, 4

Only Weak-Willed or Bullied Wives Submit?

Only Weak-Willed or Bullied Wives Submit?

A lie that many in the world believe is that only weak-willed women or women who are being bullied by their husbands are submissive. I read an article about this and asked my husband if I submitted to his leadership because I was weak-will or he bullied me. He laughed! I am not weak-will, nor has he ever bullied me. He doesn’t have a bullying bone in his body! I submit to my husband in obedience to the Lord. It actually takes a strong woman grounded in the Word of God and filled with His Spirit to be able to submit to their husband as unto the Lord.

A wife’s decision to be submissive to her husband does not mean she is weak-willed or that her husband will bully her because of her submission. Men who bully will bully women regardless of whether or not they have submissive wives and yes, may take advantage of a submissive wife but his bullying isn’t because of her submission. He’s a bully and she may need to seek help! And godly women who choose to be submissive are not weak-willed as many falsely believe today.

  I asked the women in the chat room if they lived in submission to their husbands because they were weak willed or bullied and here are some of their responses.

Debbie: “Lol. No one that knows me would ever accuse me of being weak-minded or try to bully me. Biblical submission is a reflection of a heart choice of a God-focused woman.”

Rebecca: “My husband has NEVER bullied me! And weak minded? I don’t think so! It takes great strength sometimes to be submissive but just like many other things in life, our lives are much better when we obey God.”

Katrina: “I try to be submissive because I love God and want to do what pleases him. ❤”

Paige: “People say the same things about Christ- what kind of God would die for his enemies? What kind of master would wash the feet of his servants? What kind of king would make peasants his co-heirs? His humility is why we serve. Not because we are weak or our husbands are mean, but because He is our example of servanthood.”

Lindsay: “I’m a very opinionated and strong woman. Nobody would get away with bullying me. I’m certainly not weak-minded. I submit to my husband because it’s what God’s word tells me and because life just works so much better when we all have our proper roles and aren’t fighting one another. I don’t want to compete with my husband or control him or fight with him. I married him because I love and respect him, so I wouldn’t want to undermine that respect by keeping him under my thumb, even if I could. I want him to take the lead so he keeps my knees weak and my admiration strong. A weak man I could control would not be very appealing to me at all.”

Verna: “Definitely not.”

Katie: “Raised in an atheist, feminist home. Strong minded enough to choose my own path, make my own choices, and go against my family’s ways. Would not class myself as weak minded at all.”

Chanse: “I probably wouldn’t be married still if it weren’t for Christ. It’s only through His power and submitting to His will that I continue to persevere and forbear through my difficult marriage. So, no I’m not bullied or weak minded. If I were, I’d be divorced.”

Robin: “These people just don’t understand how much strength and self control it takes for a woman to submit to her husband!”

Monica: “None of the above. I submit to my husband because God requires me to do so. This model has resulted in us having a very beautiful marriage. I would rather the wisdom of God than the foolishness of man.”

Kylene: “One of the reasons I’m submissive is because I used to be a feminist. I came to see feminism and the egalitarian (i.e. ‘two-headed monster marriage’ model) as being epic system failures that were detrimentally affecting both our culture and the Christian church. I’m no less than my husband. He seeks my perspective and input on everything of importance (the same way a CEO would brainstorm with the COO or other top executive) and then makes the final decision.”

Andrea: “My SIL was bullied by her husband, and lived for several years in submission because of him. She began to seek God and submit as he would have her, and their marriage was totally transformed! They are happy and doing wonderful. It’s amazing to see what a submissive heart can do.”

You see, women, these lies that only weak-minded women are submissive or women who are being bullied by their husbands are lies that the enemy of our souls wants women to believe. Satan doesn’t want women to obey God and live in submission to their husbands. He hates the Lord’s ways and comes to kill, steal, and destroy. Stop listening to the lies of the enemy and those whom he is using for his purposes. Listen to the Lover of your soul instead and do what He has commanded you to do. Only in Him will you find the peace and rest you are so desperately searching and longing for.

Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
1 Peter 3:6

Becoming Feminine Women

Becoming Feminine Women

One of the women in the chat room shared a site called A Lady’s Code. “A lady possesses a code of conduct which serves to guide her in the course of daily life. These are her non-negotiable golden rules … principles that dictate the best course of action in a given circumstance.” I am one that is always eager to learn and grow in godliness, femininity, and biblical womanhood so when I find sites like this, I love learning from them!

Many women today have forgotten how to act like women and have not had anyone model to them what ladylike looks like. It’s good to seek out feminine women that you know and can learn from. The Duchess of Cambridge just gave birth to a baby boy and from all that I have seen of her, she is a feminine woman. I believe our First Lady is a feminine woman. There isn’t anything masculine about either of them and I appreciate this. When I have heard them speak, they are soft spoken and kind. They walk and dress ladylike and treat their husbands with gentleness.

I love this picture of Kate seven hours after giving birth. I love that she loves her husband and having children. She is a wonderful example of femininity and being ladylike for women all around the world.

“A Lady’s Code” teaches women how to be ladylike by giving wise encouragement, including how to drive, not gossiping, how to sit and stand, how to speak and words to say, and in many other areas. It is good to be known as being feminine and ladylike since God made us women. Here are a few of her posts:

A lady possesses a sense of wonder and interest in the world around her, so that boredom is simply foreign to her. So keen is her sense of awe and reverence for the marvels of creation that, to her way of thinking, boredom would be an insult to her intellect and to her Creator. She does not need or expect to be entertained, but is capable of finding something interesting and useful to occupy her wherever she finds herself, even if it is nothing more than keenly observing her surroundings. She has a teachable spirit, ready and eager to take up a subject matter of which she knows little, and can find in it some wonderful thing to benefit her ready mind.

“There is not a blade of grass that springs uninteresting to me.”
Thomas Jefferson

A lady does not need an audience in order to shine. She is who she is, whether or not anyone else is watching.

She runs her life by principles (her code), not pretense. She is genuinely concerned with what she should be, not what others think her to be. She knows how to enjoy an experience without turning it into a photo opportunity…

… She can buy a new car without posting a picture of it on social media.
… She will keep a tidy house when no guests are expected.
… She can dine at a fancy restaurant without publicizing photos of what she ate.
… She does a good deed when no one will notice.

A lady of substance is more concerned with being rather than being seen.

Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
Proverbs 31:30, 31

*Photo by Daniel Gerhartz

The Damage Done By Dr. Spock

The Damage Done By Dr. Spock

In 1946, Dr. Benjamin Spock wrote a child raising book that changed parenting styles everywhere. I am going to take some quotes of his and give a response and try to keep it biblical and from what I have seen as a result of his teachings. The majority of Americans still believe that spanking, NOT physical abuse, is still acceptable, thankfully, since they have seen how effective it is in dealing with children’s bad behavior. “In all 50 states and the District of Columbia, you are not forbidden by law to use corporal punishment on your child as long as the form of punishment is reasonable and does not cause injury.” (Here are each American state laws on it.)

“[Physical punishment] certainly plays a role in our acceptance of violence. If we are ever to turn toward a kindlier society and a safer world, a revulsion against the physical punishment of children would be a good place to start.” (p. 173) This is in direct contradiction to what God tells us in His Word. “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.” (Proverbs 22:15) “Oh, but the rod isn’t a physical instrument,” people will tell me. Really? Please study all of the verses that mention the rod and you will see that this isn’t true.

How does God discipline us? Is He only positive and encouraging? No! “For whom the Lord loves he chastens, and scourges every son whom he receives” (Hebrews 12:6). Chasten means “to correct by punishment; to punish; to inflict pain of reclaiming an offender; as, to chasten a son with a rod.” Scourge means “to afflict for sins or faults, and with the purpose of correction.”

Who are we to think we know better than God? No, God doesn’t mean that we should physically abuse our children in any way. We use the rod of correction as a tool to make them obey and this teaches them self-discipline which benefits them for life. Many things in God’s Word have been taken to extremes and have caused harm for people. This is not God’s way. His way ends in peace and goodness not in evil and harm.

“My other reasons for advising against physical punishment are, in brief, that it teaches children that might makes right, that it encourages some children to be bullies, and most fundamentally, that to the degree that it results in good behavior it’s because of the fear of pain. I have a strong belief that the best reason for behaving well is that you like people, want to get along with them, want them to like you.” (p. 173)

On the contrary, pain and fear are great motivators for good as I shared in the above verse about how God disciplines us. My children were all spanked when they sinned against us or others and none of them were bullies or got into physical fights with others. They were kind to others, respected authority, and were a joy to raise. A one year old can’t comprehend “liking people” as much as they can quickly comprehend a small amount of pain that is swiftly administered for disobedience.

“I don’t think physical punishment is necessary or particularly effective.” (p. 215) It sure has been for centuries before you wrote your book, Dr. Spock. Children were much better behaved than they are now. God’s ways will always trumps man’s ways.

“All schools should be friendly, creative places like the best I’ve seen. We should wean ourselves away from physical punishment.” (p. 33) When I went to elementary school, the principal had a wooden paddle in his office and he used it! Children were well-behaved for the most part. There was nothing going on like there is in the schools today. A swat on the back side is a quick, effective method against disobedience. (I just did read that 19 states still allow corporal punishment in schools.)

“Recently I visited a small private school . . . with the idea of asking children . . . what advice to parents they’d like me to incorporate in the forthcoming revision of Baby and Child Care. In a thoughtful mood, the class was unanimous that parents should not hit their children. . . One child added that if you’re crying and your parent tells you to stop and then hits you when you don’t stop, it only makes you cry more.” (p. 229-233)

And asking children how they should be disciplined is a wise thing? If he asked adults how they would like their government to run, I’m sure some immature adults would say that they shouldn’t be put in prison for abusing drugs, driving drunk, and getting tickets for speeding and running red lights. Children do NOT know best how they should be raised. Why not interview parents of adult children who are now upstanding citizens and ask how they raised their children instead?

“I hope American parents can outgrow the conviction . . . that physical punishment is necessary to bring up well-behaved children. . . [T]here are parts of the world where it has never occurred to any adult to strike a child. I have known personally or professionally dozens of families in which the parents never lifted a hand–or otherwise punished or humiliated their children–and yet the children were ideally cooperative and polite. Children are eager to be ever more grown up and responsible.” (p. 13)

Yes, I am sure parents can raise good children without ever spanking them but it takes a lot more time, energy, and effort and to tell you the truth, I haven’t seen many who are successful at it. In order for spankings to work, a parent must be consistent, firm, and loving. It doesn’t work without these three key ingredients.

“There are several reasons to avoid physical punishment. It teaches children that the larger, stronger person has the power to get his way, whether or not he is in the right. Some spanked children then feel quite justified in beating up on smaller ones. The American tradition of spanking may be one reason there is much more violence in our country than in any other comparable nation.”

No, it teaches children that they must obey and respect the authority in their lives, whether they be parents, teachers, coaches, bosses, and government which is a good thing. My children never beat up on the smaller ones. If they did, they would have been spanked and would have never done it again!

Since your book has been practiced, Dr. Spock, violence has sky-rocketed in our nation. No, thank you. I much prefer God’s ways to your ways since God is our Creator who made us and knows the right and perfect way to parent children.

Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.
Proverbs 19:18

The Sad Horrible Effects of Television on the Minds of Christians

The Sad Horrible Effects of Television on the Minds of Christians

Written By David Cook


Only eternity will reveal the sad horrible effects of television on the minds of Christians in this present evil age we live in. We have no reason to watch things that defile our minds. To say, ‘It does not effect me’ is a very poor excuse indeed! The writers have an agenda which is to promote evil in the name of entertainment.

1. According to Jeremiah 10:2 we must not ‘learn the way of the heathen.’ Do you heed this warning from God? Constant watching of TV programs that are full of crime, violence, hatred, sexual impurity and mocking of God dulls your conscience and implants sinful thoughts into your mind. It is the very opposite of the command to ‘cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.'(2nd Cor.7:1)


2. To watch the glorification of evil and sin is wrong for the child of God, who is to set his affections on things above. (Col.3:1-3) The family hour is now prime time TV instead of gathering the family together for a time of Worship and instruction in the Word of God which renews the mind.

3. People live in a fantasy world that is unreal and makes sin look good! Hard to be a dedicated born again Christian if you are devoted to the idol of TV instead of being fully devoted to a holy God!
God must be 1st place in our lives !

4. TELEVISION is very distracting, time wasting, and causes temptation and the lowering of the holy standards of God. Watching a TV program that ‘calls evil good and good evil’ will cause you to compromise with evil and to tolerate evil since you allow yourself to be entertained by evil. This is very harmful and it is not innocent fun! TV is a deadly distraction that kills the spiritual atmosphere in your life and home.

5. You cannot easily sit with those who mock the Lord with filthy suggestive jokes and language and grieve the Holy Spirit and live wholly to the Lord at the same time. Sin is portrayed on TV not as sin but as “normal and acceptable” and God forbid that we approve of this portrayal of sin. Do you laugh at what God hates? Most TV viewing cannot be pleasing to The Spirit! It may pull and attract the flesh but we are commanded to deny worldly lusts. (Titus 2:12)

6. To look on and enjoy the things He has redeemed you from is very offensive to the Son of God. To allow your life to be cheapened by such garbage is to abuse the grace of God.Where is the love for worship ,for fellowship with a holy God and renewing your mind with the Truth ?


I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.
Psalm 101:3

When Should a Wife Disobey Her Husband?

When Should a Wife Disobey Her Husband?

The question of when a wife should disobey her husband comes up frequently. It seems that people are more concerned about when a wife should disobey her husband than obeying and submitting to him. We are told to submit to our husbands in everything (Ephesians 5:24), be obedient to them (Titus 2:5), and we are Sarah’s daughters as we obey our husbands as she obeyed Abraham (1 Peter 3:6). We are told that our husband is head over us (Ephesians 5:23). God has made it very clear that the husbands are the ones to lead their families, not the wives. But when should wives disobey their husbands?

As you know, I fully teach and believe that women should be keepers at home and raise their own children. What if a husband asks his wife to put their children into daycare and work full time? Should she disobey him because she believes it is sin? What if he asks her to fully vaccinate her children even though she believes this would be sin to pump her children “full of poison”? What if he asks her to put their children into the public schools even though she knows how sinful they are? What if he asks her to not spank their children when the Bible clearly tells us to use the rod on them? There are many things that are clearly stated in the Word of God that we should obey but what if the husbands ask their wives to disobey them?

I believe the only time a wife can disobey her husband is if he asks her to disobey a clear command of the Lord such as given in Romans 13:9 because God’s clear commands trump a husband’s. “For this, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not kill, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Thou shalt not covet; and if there be any other commandment, it is briefly comprehended in this saying, namely, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.”

A wife never has to obey her husband if he asks her to do anything that will defile the marriage bed as in having an affair, watching pornography, engaging in anal sex, or participating in a threesome. She would never have to obey him if he asked her to get an abortion, steal, bear false witness, or do anything that is clearly evil. Anything that is not loving others (harming the children or others), she would not have to obey BUT she must obey him in everything else.

Yes, she would have to work full time and put her children in daycare if he asks her to do this in submission to his leadership. Yes, she would willingly vaccinate her children if this is his will. She would put her children into public schools if this was her husband’s desire. She would not spank her children if he asked her to not spank. If he wants her to wear leggings and skirts above her knees, she would obey him. He is the one who will decide if she wears a covering on her head or not, what church they attend, where they will live, how to spend the money, etc. He is responsible for how he leads his family and she is responsible for submitting to his leadership. God is very clear about this! If she doesn’t like some of his decisions, she gives them to the Lord in prayer and allows Him to convict and change his mind if this is the Lord’s will.

If she wants to be a keeper at home and homeschool her children but her husband wants her to work full time, she lives carefully within his income and asks the Lord for daily strength and wisdom while she submits to her husband and works full time. If she must vaccinate her children because this is her husband’s desire, she feeds them as healthily as she can and gives them a lot of healthy probiotics like kefir to help keep their immune systems strong. She daily prays protection over her children whether they are in daycare, public school, or vaccinated. If they go to public school because this is what her husband wants, she reads the Bible and prays with them every morning before school and reminds them to clothe themselves with the full armor of the Lord daily. She continually teaches them the truth of God’s Word. If she can’t spank her children because her husband doesn’t want this, she is consistent in making them obey her even if it is time consuming and tedious. If he likes her to dress in clothing that she considers immodest, she wears it as modestly as she can but still pleases him. Remember, he will answer to God in how he leads her.

In all areas, she does her best to submit to him in everything, even the hard things that she disagrees with him about and in the areas that she doesn’t believe are biblical. Remember, we are told how a wife is to “win” her husband who is disobedient to the Word and it isn’t by disobeying him. No, it’s by living in subjection to him – obeying and submitting to his leadership (1 Peter 3:1-6) so she works hard to obey him in everything as long as it is not evil or harmful to others and prays daily that she will win him without the word. In the meantime, she finds her strength and joy in the Lord and doesn’t allow anything or anyone to steal her joy!

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
1 Peter 3:1, 2