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Month: September 2018

Things Women Can’t Stand About Living With Men

Things Women Can’t Stand About Living With Men

There’s an article about five things women can’t stand about living with men and of course, it’s about living with them, not being married to them since marriage is out of date these days and so old-fashioned. I thought it would be interesting to go through these five things that women can’t seem to stand about living with men.

1. Throwing things on the floor and leaving them there.
2. Leaving a dirty bathroom sink and toilet splashes
3. Not enough space for everything
4. Dirty dishes
5. Taking too long to do anything

Do you see that most of them have to do with housekeeping?! This is why my simple handwritten post about housework went viral (shown below)! Women don’t want to have to clean up after their husband/boyfriend (living with a boyfriend is living in sin). This is how marriage is supposed to work, right? He cleans up after himself and I clean up after myself.

No, this isn’t how it’s supposed to work! Yes, according to our culture and “equality” it is but not in God’s economy. He created the wife to be the husband’s help meet and to be the keeper at home. She’s the one who is called to “look well to the ways of her household” and make her husband’s life easier when he gets home from working hard all day. When roles are clearly defined, it’s easy to see who is responsible for picking things up off the floor, cleaning the bathrooms and kitchens, and organizing so everything is neat and tidy.

Don’t allow these “annoyances” to destroy your marriage, dear women. Remember that the greatest of all is the servant of all! Be thankful that you have a husband to care for, to clean up after, and a home to keep clean and tidy. While you are being thankful for all of these things, you won’t have time to complain and allow little things to steal your joy. You will learn to live a selfless life instead of a selfish life.

For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.
Galatians 5:13

Role Reversal in the Home

Role Reversal in the Home

Is it okay for the woman to be the breadwinner of the family and the husband be the “keeper at home”? I have been asked this numerous times and I know of families that do it this way. I am going to let you hear from Michael Pearl for this answer. Yes, some of it will most likely offend you if you don’t understand God’s clearly defined roles between the sexes and get offended easily. Husbands are the head of the wife and called to provide for and protect their families. Wives are to live in submission to their husband’s leadership and to be keepers at home. Here’s Michael Pearl:

It is never ideal for the woman to be the breadwinner and the man to be the home-keeper for the simple reason that the role reversal (a role dictated by our created natures) places each in a position contrary to their nature. A single woman may fit into the workplace as well as a man. A single man with children may function as the housekeeper, cook, homeschool teacher, etc., and do a fair job of it—all consistent with human nature. But the marriage relationship is unique.

The man by nature is the savior, provider, and protector who braves the cruel world and carries the responsibility to protect and nourish his wife and family. It is in a man’s genes to take the command-and-control position. To become a dependent rather than the provider wreaks havoc on a man’s self-esteem. In our modern world, the one whose name is on the paycheck is the head of all finances, the one to be thanked and appreciated. That person is the fountain of the family, possessing the right of veto over all spending, and controlling the direction of the family where it involves finances.

The one who comes home tired from a day’s work is entitled to the recliner until dinner is served. It is the one who says, “Why aren’t my socks in the drawer?” and “This house is a mess; what have you been doing all day?” The breadwinner decides what kind of bread to eat and whether or not spending is foolish or necessary.*

A bread-winning woman is not vulnerable and finds it difficult to come home and be a submissive, servant wife. To be forced to do so breeds resentment and a feeling of being used. I need not go on; you know these things and more to be true to nature and experience.

But sometimes life throws unnatural curves and turns our world upside-down. We have to make do like a one-legged man. We get around and get along in the best way we can. When a man is disabled and cannot enter the labor force, the wife may be thrown into an unnatural role of breadwinner. Sometimes the children are forced to work to provide for the family. It is not natural but it is necessary.

A dependent man will have to accept a different worldview and a different role. He will have to accept not being fulfilled in the normal manner. And the bread-winning wife will need to learn humility and to try to maintain a feminine demeanor at home, giving deference to the man, allowing him to be a handicapped king in his limited domain. The dependent man will also need to learn humility and to accept his dependency with thanksgiving and grace. Like any unnatural handicap, it will not be easy, but it is entirely manageable, and each can find fulfillment in their role reversals.

However, when a couple reverses roles because the wife is able to make more money, or when the man is lazy and incompetent, or when she just likes to work and he just likes to hang out at home, you can be certain that neither is going to find fulfillment in their relationship, and their marriage is likely to end in the woman divorcing the man.

When both the man and woman are reconciled to the reality that the man is handicapped out of the work force through no choice of his own, and not having to do with incompetence, it takes the edge off of blame and the discomfort of role reversal; but when they both know it is a choice, expect the man to shrink in his self-respect and the woman to grow masculine in her demeanor—leaving the marriage to suffer.

God said to Adam, not Eve, “In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground.” 
Genesis 3:19

Paul declared, “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”
1 Timothy 5:8

That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. 
Titus 2:4–5

*I realize these statements will be highly offensive to many women but we must remember to only allow sin and Satan to offend us. These statements are neither. God has made the husband the head over his wife and the wife was created to be his help meet. His responsibility is to provide for the family and her responsibility is to be a keeper at home which includes keeping it clean and tidy, doing the laundry, fixing meals, etc. This is what God has called her to do; to “look well to the ways of her household. A godly wife is a submissive, servant wife and doesn’t get offended by her husband’s requests or rebukes.

Finding Joy in the Mundane

Finding Joy in the Mundane

Written to me by a woman who wants to remain anonymous.

I have been following your blog and Facebook account for some time now, and it initially infuriated me. I am a stay at home mother, and I would not trade a minute of it. However, I went to college, and then to graduate school. I amassed $30,000 in loans to do it. And then I worked. And worked hard, 70 hour weeks seven days a week. At that time, we needed my income to survive, but it was also a source of personal pride in what I’d achieved.

When I became pregnant I quit working, which I’d always planned to do. And I suddenly found myself very depressed. I didn’t spend all that time, energy, and money to change diapers! No, anyone could do that. This was meaningless work and totally unfulfilling personally, although I would never put my child in daycare.

I’ve grappled with this for several months. I read. I studied. I prayed. I consulted older women in my church. And I began to accept that this is my career. This is what I was meant to do. And I began to find joy in the mundane. (Let’s face it, housekeeping and diaper changing can be monotonous). I prayed steadily for the Lord to give me joy in this season and this new role. To take the desire for outside work and career achievements from me. And he has answered me.

I have been so convicted to keep my home, feed my husband, raise, teach, and train my son, and if there be any time else after personal studies, then I add in play dates, excursions, etc., but my first priority is to keep my home and family ordered and maintained. My husband works two jobs for me to stay home, so I don’t take the job lightly. But I admit, in my personal/postpartum depression I was resentful and lazy. He has been so impressed the last few months coming home to a clean house, a happy family, and a hot meal. And his joy in working has improved as a result.

Following the Scriptural plan for your life isn’t always easy. Not when it requires such a drastic change from the life you’d been living/dreaming. But it is always worth it. I did what I was told to do, whether I “wanted” to or not, and the Lord in his grace has also now given me the heart and joy in doing so. Obedience is ALWAYS better.

And Samuel said, Hath the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.
1 Samuel 15:22

Build Ye Houses and Dwell in Them

Build Ye Houses and Dwell in Them

What were God’s commands to His people when King Nebuchadnezzar carried them away from Jerusalem to Babylon? “Build ye houses, and dwell in them; and plant gardens, and eat the fruit of them; Take ye wives, and beget sons and daughters; and take wives for your sons, and give your daughters to husbands, that they may bear sons and daughters; that ye may be increased there, and not diminished. And seek the peace of the city whither I have caused you to be carried away captives, and pray unto the Lord for it: for in the peace thereof shall ye have peace” (Jeremiah 29:5-7). Dwelling in home, planting gardens, marrying, and bearing children were all part of His wonderful plan for His children even in a foreign and hostile land.

What were the Apostle Paul’s instructions to young women while living in a wicked culture and for young women today? “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed” (Titus 2:4, 5). And what were his instructions to young widows? “I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully” (1 Timothy 5:14). God wants young women to marry, bear children, dwell, and work in their homes even in a culture that hates the Lord as a shining example to the beauty of His ways.

What about barren women? “He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD” (Psalm 113:9) from the Song of Hannah. What was the Proverbs 31 woman known for? Was she known for her career choice and how much money she made? No! She was known for looking “well to the ways of her household” (Proverbs 31:27). Her husband and children rise up and call her blessed!

It is abundantly clear what God’s will is for women yet few women are being taught this as they are growing up. Being a keeper at home isn’t even on their radar! So what about the women who are highly educated, have a mountain of debt, and must work to pay it off but want to be home with their children? What should they do? Or how about women who are single with children and want to be home? What about women whose husbands insist they work outside of the home? Do they have no options?

My encouragement to all women who want to come home full time regardless of their circumstances is to pray. Pray. Pray. Lay your burden at the feet of Jesus. Ask Him for wisdom. Let Him know that you now see how important it is for you to be home full time with your children and ask Him if He would make a way for this to happen; for with God ALL things are possible! Then walk in the grace, mercy, and strength that He provides while waiting upon Him.

If you have a mountain of debt and a well paying job, pay it off as soon as possible. This is a tough position to be in. Many will mock you if you tell them you are paying off your debt and leaving your prestigious career to go home full time but you aren’t alone! Many women are finding out how empty their careers are and are choosing to go home to raise their own children. It may take awhile but once you step out in faith and begin to live simply and frugally so you can pay the debt off sooner, God will give you the grace and endurance to accomplish it!

If you are single for some reason, seek ways to make money from home if at all possible. Can you start a daycare to be home with your children? I know women who sell things from home and make good money (the internet has opened up a good resource for this). Tutor children from home. Teach piano or an instrument, if you know how to play one. Remind yourself that nothing is impossible with the Lord, pray daily for wisdom, and ask that He make a way for you to come home.

God’s will for single mothers is to marry, bear children and guide the home. Yes, this verse was written to widows but those who are single through no choice of your own or from poor choices, getting married is a great solution but make sure to marry a man who wants to provide for you so you can stay home full time. Your children need a father, and if you can find a godly man who wants to marry you and provide for you, marry him! This is by far the best solution.

For the mother whose husband wants her to work, figure out how much money you are really bringing home after taxes, the cost of clothing, wear and tear on the car, lack of time to shop frugally and fix meals from scratch at home, and then make a gentle appeal to him. Read “Home By Choice” so you can show him the studies that prove how important it is for mothers to be home with their children. After doing this, keep praying and resting in the Lord’s timing. He is the One who will convict and change your husband’s mind if it is to be so, but make sure you are treating him with respect and kindness. Never grow bitter towards him!

Marriage was created by God. He said that it was not good for man to be alone so He created a help meet for the man. This is all good and a part of God’s wonderful plan for us from the beginning. Marriage and women being keepers at home has become muddied in our culture. Always go back to the word of God for your instructions, dear women, then trust Him to provide what He commands.

For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.
1 John 5:3

The Sphere of a Woman’s Life

The Sphere of a Woman’s Life

In 1996, Dr. John MacArthur taught a series on God’s Patterns for Wives. He went through Proverbs 31 and Titus 2:4, 5. When he finally got to the part about women being keepers at home, he knew it would be controversial since he wrote “now we get down to the nitty-gritty.” I know some of you are frustrated by the way I teach women to be “keepers at home” so I thought I would give you another teaching on this topic from a well-known and solid Bible teacher:

And then, number five, and now we get down to the nitty-gritty. They are to be workers at home. We’ve dealt with the attitudes of a woman, love toward husband, love toward children, wisdom and purity. Now, we turn to the very important issue, the sphere of her responsibility, workers at home, oikourgos, literally a house worker. This is the sphere of a woman’s life. It is her domain. It is her kingdom. It is her realm.

The word is derived from the word “house” and the word “work.” A house worker. It doesn’t simply refer, by the way, to scrubbing floors and cleaning bathrooms and doing that. It simply connotes the idea that the home is the sphere of her labors, whatever they might be. It is not that a woman is to keep busy all the time at home. It doesn’t mean that she can never go out the door. It doesn’t mean that she’s always to be doing menial tasks. But what it does mean is that the home is the sphere of her divine assignment.

She is to be the home keeper, to take care of her husband, to provide for him and for the children, all that they need as they live in that home. Materially, she is to take the resources the husband brings home and translate them into a comfortable and blessed life for her children. She is to take the spiritual things that she knows and learns and to pass them on to her children. She is a keeper at home.

God’s standard is for the wife and mother to work inside the home and not outside. For a mother to get a job outside the home in order to send her children even to a Christian school is to misunderstand her husband’s role as a provider, as well as her own duty to the family. The good training her children receive in the Christian school may be counteracted by her lack of full commitment to the biblical standards for motherhood.

In addition to having less time to work at home and teach and care for her children, a wife working outside the home often has a boss to whom she is responsible for pleasing in the way she dresses and a lot of other matters, complicating the headship of her husband and compromising her own testimony. She is forced to submit to men other than her own husband, likely to become more independent, including financially in fragmenting the unity of the family. She is in the danger of becoming enamored by the business world or whatever world she’s in, and finding less and less satisfaction in her home responsibilities.

Many studies have shown that most children who grow up in homes where the mother works are less secure than in those where mother is always at home. I think that should be obvious. Her presence there, even when the child is in school, is an emotional anchor. Working mothers contribute so often to delinquency and a host of other problems that lead to the decline of the family. It’s not that mothers who stay at home are automatically or categorically more spiritual. Many mothers who have never worked outside the home do very little in the home to strengthen their families: gossiping, watching ungodly and immoral soap operas and a host of other things can be as destructive as a working mother. But a woman’s only opportunity to fulfill God’s plan for her role as wife and mother is in the home.

Now, when children are grown, there is an opportunity for some kind of endeavor outside the home. Certainly, that option is viable, if it doesn’t compromise her as a woman, it doesn’t compromise the headship of her husband, it doesn’t put her under undue temptation, it doesn’t put her in an environment where she is going to be subject to the actions and the words of ungodly men. It may be that when the children are grown she can work part-time; she can even work full-time in an environment which is salutatory to her and which increases her godliness and strengthens her as a wife.

But the home is still her domain. And even widows or women whose husbands have left them are not expected to leave their domain and children to work outside the home. Paul declared this in 1 Timothy 5:8, “If anyone doesn’t provide for his own and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” And this means to provide not only for his family immediately, but his extended family.

If there is, for example, a widow or a woman without a husband by divorce in your family, you should care for her before you force her out to care for herself. If a woman has no husband, no financial resources of her own, the rest of her family or even her children or her grandchildren are to take care of her. They have that responsibility so that she can maintain her responsibility in the family. That’s indicated in the first part of chapter 5 of 1 Timothy. But if she has no one, no male relatives, that 1 Timothy 5 passage says, if she has no male relatives to support her, there might be a female relative who could care for her, according to verse 16. If she has no female relatives, there is nobody to care for her, then the church is obligated to care for her, 1 Timothy 5:16.

The basic premise then is that even a woman without a husband, even a woman who may not have children still has the right to be cared for. I shouldn’t say not have children, but whose children are older, still has the right to be a part of the home. As He was hanging on the cross, Jesus, during the last moments of His life was concerned about His mother. And what He did in John 19 verses 26 and 27 was give her to John to take care of. Why? Well, she was most likely a widow. Joseph had no doubt died before this. Jesus was no longer there to take care of her. His own half-brothers did not believe in Him. He turns His mother over to John.

When a woman obviously still has children at home, her primary obligation is to them. If she has no children or they are grown, she has a responsibility to help teach the younger women and share the insights and wisdom she’s gained from her own walk with the Lord. She should invest her time when she’s older and her children are grown not in working in the world, hopefully sometimes that may have to happen, but investing in younger women.

Now, I realize having said what I’ve said to you tonight, I’m giving you the standard of Scripture. There are a lot of cases that you could bring up. What about this? What about this? What about this? All I can tell you is what the Bible says. You have to use your own wisdom. There may be a situation where a widow has to be employed because the care of her children is not provided by anybody. And frankly, most churches don’t come to the aid of these kinds of people. I thank the Lord that our church does in many, many cases.

There may be a situation where your children are in school and without any compromise to your children or your husband; you can do some part-time work. Many women have become very fruitful working out of their own homes and doing that, much like the Proverbs 31 woman.

But the standard is very clear in Scripture. The sphere of a woman’s influence is to be found in the home. The obvious things, of course, are when mothers go to work when they still have children young, even infants, babies, children who haven’t even gone to school yet, living in their home and they abandon them and turn them over to the care of someone else. Even churches sometimes foster that by starting day care centers for children under school age. Many times women work because they want to maintain a certain economic standard. The sacrifice of children and family for that economic standard is a bad decision.

You say, “What about that woman who is very capable, and competent, and energized, who has an industrious attitude, who’s a very gifted person? She can take care of her household responsibilities because we live in a day when there’s so many great appliances and you’re not out there on a rock beating your dirty clothes out. We have all of that, and she’s got time on her hands, can’t she develop some enterprise?” Of course, that’s what the Proverbs 31 woman did, of course.

The focal point: she provides for her husband expressions of love and care. She provides the same for her children. She leads and guides and teaches her children so that they can become godly children. She is in the home, secure, and protected, and kept from the influence of evil men and potentially wicked relationships. She lodges strangers. She humbly washes saints’ feet. She shows hospitality. She devotes herself to every good work. And that’s her domain.

Obviously, this is wondrously accommodated by a godly husband, right? It becomes very difficult when you don’t have a faithful husband. It is at that point the extended family steps in to help. If there’s no extended family to help, at that point the church steps in to help so that having lost a father, the children don’t also lose a mother. This is the church’s responsibility.

Vivian Gornick, a feminist author, writes, “Being a housewife is an illegitimate profession. The choice to serve and be protected and planned toward being a family maker is a choice that shouldn’t exist, and the heart of radical feminism is to change that.” End quote. Of course. Whatever God says, they want to unsay.

In New Testament times, as in Old Testament times, a woman in a home had to grind flour, bake everything from scratch, launder, cook, nurse and care for children, make beds, spin, weave, keep house, care for guests. And in the same time and with the full energy and commitment, devote herself to express her love to her husband, to her children and to God Himself. A tremendous assignment.

You say, “Why in the world does God want women to be so busy?” At the risk of sounding trite, it keeps them out of sin. Proverbs 7:11 gives a startling picture of a harlot. It says this about a harlot: “She is boisterous and rebellious, and her feet do not remain at home.” She doesn’t find her home sufficiently fulfilling. She needs something else, and that leads her into sin.

To most of our society, this is all absolutely ridiculous stuff. And we get so engulfed in this kind of thinking because of the society around us that it may even seem a little strange to us, but this is the Word of God. Godly women are to be content at home, and to be content to love their children and love their husbands and serve their families in their homes and serve the Lord.

One of the most wonderful things that the church has ever experienced is the ministry of women. All of the tests and the studies and surveys indicate that about 60 percent of all church life is cared for by women. Evangelical churches are populated by women. They say about 37 percent of evangelical churches are men. The church has always benefited by godly women who work in the home, and when they have time they minister on behalf of the church. And as women abandon the home for the world, they also abandon the church.

She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
Proverbs 31:27

STOP Living With Your Boyfriend!

STOP Living With Your Boyfriend!

Younger women, God calls you to be chaste regardless of what our culture promotes. Chaste means “pure from all unlawful commerce of sexes. Applied to persons before marriage, it signifies pure from all sexual commerce, undefiled; applied to married persons, true to the marriage bed.” Therefore, no type of sexual activity before marriage and once married, sexual activity is only between a man and his wife. Sex is wonderful but it was created by God, not only to create new life, but to be enjoyed and bring pleasure to married couples.

Many young, unmarried couples today live (have sex) together before marriage, including many Christian ones, and think nothing is wrong with it since it is so common. We live by the commands of God, not what is acceptable in our wicked generation. God wants you free from all sexual activity before marriage for very good reasons, so don’t move in with your boyfriend no matter how much he persuades you to do so!

Once you move in with your boyfriend, he has little reason to ask you to marry him. You are already there to provide all that he needs: cook, cleaner, maybe financial benefit, and someone to have sex with him at night. Why should he have to take on all the responsibilities of marriage (commitment, provider, protector) when he can easily get the benefits of marriage (sex and a woman who helps him) for free?

The longer you two cohabitate, the more things you will share: rent/mortgage, utilities, furniture, pets, and sadly, illegitimate children. It always leads to one of two paths: marriage or separation. When your highly inevitable break up occurs, you will need to decide who keeps what and who moves out. It is hard to decide who keeps what when you have been splitting everything 50/50 for years. You can’t exactly cut your table that you both paid materials and labor into in half, or make larger decisions like how much and when to sell the home you bought.

Hopefully, you haven’t already gone as far as having sex, making children together, and moving in with your boyfriend. Even though society, family, and friends may think you two should live together while dating, DON’T DO IT! All of this is foolish behavior and will reap unhappy results. Find a godly, older person who will keep you accountable with your boyfriend. Seek purity in everything! Don’t spend too much time alone together. It’s not wise to do so.

But women say, “It’s cheaper,” or “We want to see if we want to marry each other,” or “We need to ‘try’ each other out.” Living together while dating each other is very different than married couples living together. You aren’t wondering if you paid for the movie tickets last time, or if it’s your turn to drive and buy groceries. You’ll always have in your mind that you can leave at any time since there’s no commitment which is what true love is. Plus, if you have been unfaithful before marriage, it is much easier to be unfaithful once married. There are many good reasons God commands young women to be chaste!

There is something beautiful and precious about becoming one flesh in the bonds of marriage. It’s not bondage as our culture tries to convince you. It’s freedom! Freedom from fear of getting pregnant. (So what if you’re blessed with another baby!) Freedom from sexually transmitted disease. Freedom from fear he will just up and leave you with no strings attached. Commitment is a wonderful thing and the commitment in marriage should be “until death do you part.”

Save yourself a lot of time and get a female roommate, if you aren’t living at home anymore. It costs less than what you may lose if you breakup, but more importantly, the largest cost by far is falling away from your faith which continuing in sin does to people. Sin hardens hearts away from the truth and then you will begin believing lies. It’s a very slippery slope to be on.

IF you have already moved in…

Move out if you aren’t married!

Are you waiting for your boyfriend that you live with to “pop” the question? If so, move out until you are married, not just engaged but married. Marriage is a commitment for life. Love is commitment, not doing what you feel like doing or want to experiment with. No, it’s a lifelong, beautiful commitment between a man and a woman.

You know how hard it will be to separate the stuff you share, so do it now while you are still dating and are on good terms with each other. Imagine having a conversation about how to get your checking accounts back to just your own name when you need his signature, or who gets the fluffy dog that greets you every night at the door while you still adore each other. Now imagine doing that after finding out he found a new gal. Better to do it now, right?

Still want to marry him? This isn’t going to slow down that process. If he for some reason breaks up with you because of it, he obviously didn’t intend on marrying you ever. You are free to go find a future husband while you are still young. I believe if a man doesn’t want to marry a woman after a year of dating/courting, it may be time to move on, especially if she is over 21 years old.

Finally, if you have already had sex with your boyfriend and/or are living with him, please turn away from this sin, then remind yourself that the moment you believed in Jesus Christ as your Savior, every single sin you ever have committed or will commit was forgiven. Remind yourself who you are in Christ (a new creature in Christ) and begin again to walk in newness of life. Thank the Lord for forgiving you for your sin of having sex with your boyfriend or living with him, repent (stop doing the sin), and begin to live in obedience to the Lord (“sin no more”).

His ways are good, dear women. They are perfect. Yes, you may suffer from scars of your past sins but you can move on knowing that you are completely forgiven and now have the power (Christ’s power living within you) to do the right thing!

Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
1 Corinthians 6:18

Were Old-Fashioned Women Happier?

Were Old-Fashioned Women Happier?

There is an interesting article in the Daily Mail about a woman who just turned 60 years old and compared herself to her mother back when she turned 60 years old. This woman, Liz Jones, is beautiful and puts me to shame (since I just turned 60 years old) if we were measuring only by appearance. She is in perfect shape and looks amazing for her age but at what cost? (She has spent a TON of money on herself to look this way!)

Dr. John MacArthur defines women like her perfectly. (Yes, this was written in 1996 but is still relevant for today.)

“What kind of woman is the prototype of the ‘90s woman?  What is the modern super-woman supposed to be?  Maybe something like this: she works, builds her own career, demands equal pay, refuses to submit to her husband, demanding equality with him in everything, has an affair or two, and a divorce or two.  She exercises her independence, relies on her own resources, doesn’t want her husband or children to threaten her personal goals, has her own bank account.

“She hires a maid or a cleaning service, eats out at least 50 percent of the time with her family or without them, makes cold cereal and coffee, the standard breakfast for her family, quick frozen meals usual dinner fare, or she calls Domino’s Pizza, expects her husband to do his share of the housework. She is tanned, coiffured, aerobicized, into body-building shape, shops to keep up with the fashion trends, makes sure she can compete in the attention-getting contest, puts the kids in a day care center, makes sure each has a TV in his room, or a radio, or a CD player so they can be entertained. She is opinionated, demanding, wants to be heard, eager to fulfill all of her personal goals.”

This is how Liz Jones admits to living her life except she never had children as many are choosing to do today in the 21st century. She followed the feminist mindset and did life her own way. Her mother, on the other hand, was an old-fashioned wife and mother.

“She would no more have worn a swimsuit, or put on sun cream, than fly to the moon. Having had seven children, she had no desire to look young or thin. In this photo, she already had a full set of false teeth and grey hair. Normally, she wore glasses.

“My mum was born on December 23, 1919, and in the photo she is 60. She has shortish grey hair that has never been dyed. She is wearing a touch of red lipstick, and a smudge of mascara from an ancient block she had to spit on. She is wearing a home-made shift, and her head is tilted towards the sun – it would never occur to her to hide from it.

“Her toenails are not polished; she couldn’t reach her feet by this stage, as she suffered from arthritis. My dad had to help with the stockings, and place a built-up shoe on each foot. You can’t tell from the photo she had already had a hip and a knee replaced. She was in constant, excruciating pain. And yet she is smiling.

“My mum had never heard of grooming, except when it applied to horses: her beauty routine extended to using Pond’s cold cream and letting any make-up ‘wear off’. She had never had a massage. She owned one handbag, one pair of shoes. She never drank water, still or fizzy, but subsisted on tea and Rich Tea biscuits…Having endured rationing, she certainly never dieted. She never owned a pair of trainers, a tracksuit, or jeans.

“I had always imagined that, turning 60, I would suddenly look like my mum, which terrified me. Now I’ve arrived, I realize what should have worried me was not turning out like her – loved, happy, content – at all… I know I will continue to battle to keep the years at bay. Why? Because I’m not where I should be: I’m single, not secure, not loved. I can’t relax. I have to keep trying.

“Passing 40, I panicked, lied about my age again, and hurriedly married a younger man who cheated on me. When I told my mum what he’d done, all she would say was: ‘Just be patient, darling.’ It wouldn’t have occurred to her not to forgive, not to expect a man to provide, to chauffeur her everywhere, to map-read, to book hotels and holidays, to nurse her when she could no longer walk.

“When, coming round from the breast surgery, I phoned my husband, he replied with a distracted: ‘Who’s this?’ It’s not just women who’ve changed; men have changed with us. As we’ve demanded less they’ve given up, retreated.” (I disagree with her here. Liz’s mom probably didn’t demand anything of her husband. She was reaping what she was sowing. She served him. He served her. This is an eternal principle.)

“It had seemed a good idea at the time, being so very different from my mum, rebelling against her lack of vanity, ambition, selfishness…My mum was content with her lot, she lived in the moment, she didn’t put off life, thinking: ‘As soon as I’m eight stone… As soon as I’ve bought that new house…’

“My overriding feeling, as the Big Day came and went last week, was that my generation of women was sold a lie. We were told our mothers’ lives were disgracefully submissive. We were told we must battle our bodies into submission, land a career in order to hold all the power.”

There is only one reason that Liz’s mom lived a much more satisfying and fulfilling life than Liz did. Her mother lived a selfless life and Liz has lived a selfish life. May we all become more like Liz’s mom and less like Liz by learning to live a selfless, self-sacrificing, and self-denying life. In giving our lives away, we will find the life that Christ tells us to pursue, to be like Him, because the servant of all is the greatest of all!

 For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?
Mark 8:36

I Don’t Want to Be a Strong, Independent Black Woman

I Don’t Want to Be a Strong, Independent Black Woman

A guest post by Stacie Cherill Dickson. May you be blessed. I know I sure was!

I want to be strong, but in the counterculture way of having a meek and quiet spirit. The world tells us that a ‘good’ Black women is one who essentially acts like a man and I am taking a stand against that lie! How can we expect have strong marriage and be a wife if we aren’t even acting like a woman! If we, as Black women, started acting more like Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton instead of Beyonce and Nicki Minaj, we would truly be treated as the royalty we really are and not settle for cheap counterfeits.

As a 24 year old black female, Mrs. Lori Alexander’s blog has been such an oasis of hope to me. I thrive from reading her marriage posts. I’ve studied her book like it was my homework, and I pretty much digested all of her first blog, Always Learning. I also have a journal full of notes I have taken while reading The Transformed Wife. But I have to admit, sometimes reading her blog feels like a guilty pleasure, or like I’m doing something wrong. Why do I feel this way? Well, God used Lori’s ministry to fuel my dream. A dream I never knew I had but a dream I sometimes feel embarrassed to have since the world would tell me black girls can’t have that dream.

What dream is that? To be a housewife! (cue thunder sounds, screams and dun dun dun dramatic sound effect lol) Let me share more of my story to explain.

I have always been an overachiever and I thank God for every opportunity I have had. I was a popular cheerleader who was a leader in her high school. I attended my dream university, The University of Texas at Austin, on over $60,000 worth of academic scholarships. I’ve studied abroad for a summer in Hong Kong at 19 years old. I was a star in a play at UT (acting was my passion). I graduated with a Bachelor’s degree in Radio-Television-Film in three years at 21. I’ve done mission work in Argentina and Honduras and I was part of a feature documentary film. All these things the world and other Christians praised me for.

I am so grateful for all these opportunities and I praise Jesus for them but after I graduated I knew the Holy Spirit was telling me to live back at home with my parents and serve them. I was so embarrassed to move back home! What would people think of me? I’m suppose to be in Hollywood writing movies! I graduated from one of the top universities in the world; people would think I’m a failure. Even though these thoughts came to my mind I’m so glad I yielded to Jesus. It’s been over three years since I’ve started this journey with Jesus preparing me to be a wife and it has been glorious.

I’ve been able to serve my parent’s church. I’ve used my writing skills to start a blog (www.staciecherill.com). I have a Youtube Channel (Stacie Cherill Dickson). I’ve had the opportunity to serve my mother who was sick and be with her at every doctor’s appointment. I was able to go to Hawaii with my grandmother who I adored with all my heart and who unexpectedly got diagnosed with stage four cancer February of this year and died this April.

With all my heart, I’m so grateful to Jesus I didn’t listen to the world and go chase money because I had the privilege to drive my grandmother to the grocery store, help her run errands, take her to the doctor, and love on her. Most of all, I was able to be with her during her last days of hospice care and always tell her how much I love her. God knew she was about to die even when I didn’t. I also got to feed the homeless with my mother at the park and my boyfriend and I have a love that is so pure and sweet because I’ve learned to treat him with the respect he deserves and, in turn, he showers me with love. I thank God I entered the graduate course of “How to be a Wife 101.”

When I started to dream small, others thought I was a failure, but I was making a world of change in the lives of my family members. I wanted to attend graduate school at UCLA, but God had other plans for me. I had no idea about respect and submission but I thank God that I have learned these principles these past three years.

It makes no sense to me that we can train for a job or go to college for years to prepare for a career, but we think we, as women, don’t need godly training on to how to be a wife. Would you trust a doctor who never went to medical school? Would you fly on a plane with a pilot who never attended aviation school? So it makes sense that we have so many wives crashing and burning in their marriages because they don’t even know their God-given role. I am so glad God has been training me. I will be able to avoid so many pitfalls just because of the knowledge of have. “My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge” (Hosea 4:6).

We often wonder why divorce is rampant and marriage seems like a sham, especially Christian marriages. Satan comes to women first to get to the man (the snake went to Eve first) so if women get in line with God’s plan, marriage would be revived. My role models used to be Victoria Secret models and Britney Spears, but now it is women like Lori Alexander and my mother. Talk about a “transformed mind”!

My dream now is to be a stay-at-home wife and mom. I love that idea! But I know many people think I “threw my life away!” especially as a young black girl. A lot of people want me to make a lot of money and be famous. I’ve even had a lot of backlash from extended family. But I can respond with confidence and love now because I know they just don’t have the right teaching. I am not throwing my life away–I’m giving it to God! When I lost my life, I found it!

So many Black women know nothing about being submissive, pure, meek, gentle or kind because we are taught by society and even family to be loud, not to need a man, to be sexually promiscuous, and to take care of ourselves. These stereotypes we are conforming to are ruining families and children are suffering from it! That is the Jezebel spirit running rampant in our community and that is why our men are falling and there are single mothers everywhere.

Everyone is teaching us how to be Oprah but no one is teaching us how to be Ruth, Esther, or Sarah! A submissive wife changes generations! I’m am so blessed to have a boyfriend who supports me in every way and encourages any dream I have–but my ultimate dream after pleasing Jesus is to be his help meet and make his dreams come true and raise godly children! We are preparing for marriage but are waiting on God’s timing. I’ve learned that when I give my life to God, that’s when my true dreams come true! I’ve been all around the world but never have I had more joy than being right here at home!

To be honest, I used to look down on girls from my high school who got married young and had babies. I thought I was better than them because I was at college living the dream! Oh, how God hates pride! But God has a way of teaching us. Now I see how good they had it!

Lori’s teaching has made me a much better daughter, girlfriend, and future wife. I’m so much kinder, loving, and I serve God any way I can. I am so glad I left my dream behind of making it big in Hollywood and have a new dream of making Jesus famous in my life with my gentle and quiet spirit. For years, I was a cheerleader which taught me to always be sexy, popular, and attention-seeking from a young age so God is still renewing my heart. I prayed for God to make me sweet, that people will see the kindness of Jesus in me. Now wherever I go people tell me, “You are so sweet!”

Lori is such an inspiration to me. When I feel those desires of wanting to be sexy, hot, and famous, I come up and pray to God that he would give me a heart like Lori’s; that only seeks to please him! Lori gets a lot of hate from this world, even from Christians, but she is a true soldier in the Lord’s army and has many crowns awaiting her in Heaven. She has a boldness that we all should desire.

I don’t have to hide my dream of being a housewife anymore. This is a biblical desire and I can own my dream. Why is it people can tell me I can be anything I want but when I want what God wants for my life, to be a Titus 2 wife, then I receive backlash? I’m here to tell Black girls everywhere that you are still smart if you want to be a wife that obeys the Lord and serves your husband. Don’t feel belittled because they tell you only smart black girls are “doctors or engineers.” God’s way will change our Black men and will reverse the generational curse of destruction on the black race. Of course, this is for every race and every color but as a black girl I know how engraved it is in our mind to be trained like a Jezebel.

My mother and grandmother were strong Black women, but not because of their degrees, money, or any other thing the world defines as strong, but they were strong because they loved Jesus, loved their husbands, and loved their children more than anything and that’s what I strive for.

So thank you for reading my story. I give all Glory to God and I thank Ken and Lori Alexander for allowing God to use them to transform my life!

Jesus loves you all!

Stacie Cherill Dickson

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Romans 12:2, 3

Women are Made in the Image of God

Women are Made in the Image of God

Written By Lindsay Harold with some revisions and additions by my husband, Ken.

Women are definitely made in the image of God even though we generally do not have the masculine traits with which God has revealed himself to us. We have a spirit that communes with God and the ability to reason and moral accountability – all of these are aspects of the image of God and separate mankind from the animals. If women were not made in the image of God, then we could not be saved and we would be mere animals. It is our spirit, our intellect, our ability to love and be love; the list is long in what makes us in the image of God.

Both men and women are made in the image of God, but men reflect the glory of God in a different way than women because men have a similar role to God’s role, which is protector, provider, and leader. Women where designed by God to have a role of mother, nurturer and care giver. Although the roles of men and women do overlap, it is clear from God’s design that men and women are quite different, yet both show aspects of who God is and what He desires from the family of God. God is going about the business of taking one man and one woman and joining them together with all their differences in marriage to most fully reflect His image and glory.

The Bible at times uses the term “man” to mean mankind as a whole – both male and female as “Adam” (Man) stands as the type for all men and women. There are several verses which show us that women are made in God’s image.

Genesis 1:27 God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female He created THEM.

Genesis 9:6 Whoever sheds man’s blood, By man his blood shall be shed, For in the image of God He made man.

Here, the word “man” means all of mankind. This verse would indicate that it is only wrong to kill men and not women if women are not created in the image of God also. It is the image of God that sets mankind apart from the animals and makes it a capital offense to kill a human, whether male or female.

Thus, when you have a verse like this one:
Exodus 21:29 “If, however, an ox was previously in the habit of goring and its owner has been warned, yet he does not confine it and it kills a man or a woman, the ox shall be stoned and its owner also shall be put to death.”

This is evidence that killing a woman (through negligence, in this case) bears the same penalty of death as killing a man because both men and women bear the image of God.

1 Corinthians 11:7 For a man ought not to have his head covered, since he is the image and glory of God; but the woman is the glory of man.

This verse is where the error occurred in thinking women do not bear the image of God. But it does not say here that woman is not made in the image of God. Rather it says that man is both in God’s image and designed to bring glory to God. Women are in God’s image, but designed to bring glory to man (especially their husbands). It is pointing out the one major way women differ from men, and it is not in lacking the image of God, but rather in what they bring glory to.

Romans 8:29-30 For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified.

Here we see that salvation is about being conformed to the image of Christ. This is drawing on the language of mankind’s creation in the image of God to say that we were created in God’s image, but the image was corrupted through sin, and now we must become conformed to the image of Christ to restore what we were meant to be. If women were not created in the image of God, then women cannot be saved because how can they become the image of Christ if they were never in the image of God?

I Corinthians 15 uses the analogy of Adam being the first man, created in the image of God, and Christ as the second Adam who came to redeem us. In verse 49, it tells us why this is important. “Just as we have borne the image of the earthy, we will also bear the image of the heavenly.”

Again, if women do not bear the image of God, then salvation does not apply to them. We must bear the image of God in the earthly sense, being human beings, before we can bear the heavenly image of Christ through salvation.

Even Jesus’ words make this case.

Matthew 22:19-21 Shew me the tribute money. And they brought unto him a penny. And he saith unto them, Whose is this image and superscription? They say unto him, Caesar’s. Then saith he unto them, Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar’s; and unto God the things that are God’s.

Jesus’ point here is that while the coins of Rome bear the image of Caesar and should be given to Caesar when they are due, humans bear the image of God and thus belong to God. We should give to Caesar what belongs to Caesar, and to God what belongs to Him – i.e. that which bears His image, which is ourselves. Again, if women do not bear the image of God, then they cannot be saved.

Good theology is important, and while there are those who wrongly claim men and women are the same and have the same roles, it is also wrong to claim that women are not created in the image of God. We must distinguish between the image of God, which separates mankind from the animals and which makes women a suitable helper for their husbands because they share the same nature, and the different roles which God has ordained for men and women. Men have a role that is more similar to God’s role toward mankind and thus bring glory to God more directly while women have a role that is designed to bring glory to God more indirectly through bringing glory to their husbands. But both men and women share the image of God and are equally capable of bearing the image of Christ through salvation.

HERE is a good article by John Piper on this topic for further study!

Women’s Trajectory Toward Worldly Success Rather Than Being a Wife and Mother

Women’s Trajectory Toward Worldly Success Rather Than Being a Wife and Mother

Ever since I was a young girl, all I ever wanted to be was a wife and mother. Having a career held no appeal to me. I wanted to find a husband so I worked towards finding one! I even pursued guys I found attractive during high school and college. No, I didn’t call them or ask them out on dates. I let them know I was interested by going out of my way to be kind to them and hoped they noticed me. Some did and some didn’t, but I knew I was going to do everything in my power to attract a husband since this was my greatest desire in life and pray a lot in the meantime.

A Christian mother wrote and said that one of her daughters fears getting married and having children. Her daughter wants to become a nurse or doctor and the parents are encouraging her in this direction. Sadly, this daughter has been influenced by the feminist culture we live in. What is there to fear in being married and having children? This is God’s will for most young women.

In Lisa Anderson’s book, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan For Pursuing Marriage with a Purpose, Lisa wrote the following:

“Sadly, as I immersed myself in girl power at school, I received little at church and beyond to counter it. Most of the well-meaning couples in my parent’s circle saw no reason to question my trajectory toward worldly success; many of them outright supported it. I was told… to focus on my education and career. Here are a few of the mantras I commonly received–see if any of them sound familiar:

‘Make sure you can support yourself; it’s a tough world out there!’

‘You’re so smart; you don’t want to waste your intelligence [implied: by getting married too soon].’

‘We’re expecting big things from you.’

‘You have your whole life ahead of you–have fun while you can!’

‘Relax; marriage will happen when it happens.’

‘I wish I’d had all the opportunities you have.’

“…my mom finished college, but marriage was a next step. It was always a priority. It was talked about, planned for, and expected. She didn’t mess around when she spotted my dad; she got busy.

Lisa, who is still single at 46 years old, was asked what she would tell her 28 year old self about dating which I believe should have been told to her 18 year old self:

“I’d say, ‘Dating takes effort for both men and women.’ Dating was hardly on my radar in my 20s. I was too busy chasing a career and thinking I was too awesome to need a man. I didn’t make the effort to get to know men. I don’t remember ever saying I wanted to be married. I turned dates down because I found some miniscule flaw in the guys in question. And then I wondered why I was still single at 30. God puts people in our path for a reason. Many of them are probably good marriage candidates. But when we give all our attention elsewhere, we cheat ourselves out of a healthy pursuit of what is for most of us a God-given life goal. Marriage is a good thing, and biblical, intentional dating is a great way to get there. But it takes work. And that work should start earlier rather than later. Learn from my mistakes on that one, folks.”

Many women today, including Christian women, are pursuing higher education and careers and aren’t even considering getting married and having children since they aren’t being taught that this is something they should consider early rather than later. It’s a rare young girl these days when asked what she wants to be when she grows up would answer, “a wife and mother.” No, nowadays, this answer would be frowned upon and they would be asked, “What if you never get married?” or “What career choice do you want to pursue?” As if being a wife and mother weren’t good things to desire or even pursue.

In order to want to get married and have children, young women must be willing to sacrifice their time, energy, and maybe even their gifts, and most young women don’t seem to want to do these things. They also must learn to be a help meet to their husband and serve him by learning to have a meek and quiet spirit if they marry. They must learn to sacrifice their body, time, and energy to raise godly offspring which is difficult. Yes, marrying and bearing children requires a lot of sacrifice that many young women have no desire to do these days, sadly. (It’s heartbreaking to me.) Instead, they would rather sacrifice their time, money, and energy for a career that may keep them from marrying and raising their children, if they do have children.

Yes, being a godly woman who wants to be a wife and mother is a good goal for young women to pursue, contrary to popular opinion, if their goal in life is to marry and have children but unfortunately, most young women have believed the feminist’s lies and believe that having careers and pursuing worldly things are far superior.

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
1 Timothy 5:14