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Month: September 2018

Men Going Their Own Way

Men Going Their Own Way

There are a lot of nasty women today. Even on Hallmark movies which I often enjoy, there are some that have women who are almost always upset and angry at the men in their lives. I stop watching them since it’s so annoying to watch! I began watching this one series on Hallmark a few weeks ago and all of the women were angry at the men in their lives and were using manipulation (temper tantrums or silent treatment) and anger towards them in order to get what they wanted. I turned it off. No, thank you! Even though they are beautiful women on the outside, the way they behave and what they say makes them ugly.

I have seen the initials MGTOW before on other blogs but didn’t know what it meant until I read Trey’s response to a woman on my post Men Prefer Attractive Wives. One woman commented on this post and wrote, “Do they really think men want nasty women?” since so many women act this way these days as if this is going to attract men to them or maybe they are trying to be unattractive to men.

Here is Trey’s response:

“Absolutely not! Many of today’s men have been conditioned (by their single mothers) to think that it’s normal for a woman to act this way. I think they lie to themselves (or just stay quiet) about how they feel about it to try and accept it as normal.

“Some men know that it’s wrong but will put up with it to have access to the woman’s company (mainly her body) but they still hate it. They know that if they bring up the issue they will just be ridiculed and shamed for it so they stay quiet and accept it as ‘the cost of doing business.’

“More and more men these days are becoming MGTOW. This stands for Men Going Their Own Way. These men, whose ranks grow larger every day, are just writing off women completely because they have become too intolerable to be around. These men are living out the Bible’s truth when it says, ‘It is better to live in a desert land than with a contentious and vexing woman’ (Proverbs 21:19).

“Let’s think about what that verse really says. It’s better for a man to live alone in a dry and desolate place with no shade or shelter, where the sun relentlessly beats down on you and cooks you to a crisp during the day and the temperature drops and freezes you to the bone every night. Where water and food are either scarce or non-existent and the wind will often blow the sand so hard that it will wear your skin off. Yes, this harsh and difficult place is preferable to living with a ‘contentious and vexing’ woman. From my observations, the vast majority of Western women these days, including most of the ones that call themselves Christians, are exactly that kind of NASTY woman.

“NO! I don’t think that there is a man alive who want’s ANYTHING to do with a nasty women but if that’s all that’s out there and he can’t or is unwilling to do without one, then he really does not have a choice but to try and tolerate it.”

I used to be a nasty woman and I can tell you that I made my husband’s life difficult. Thankfully, through conviction and the transforming work of the Holy Spirit, I am no longer a nasty and contentious woman. My husband enjoys living with me. Learn to have a meek and quiet spirit, women, even though the mere mention of this phrase makes women angry. Developing a meek and quiet spirit will make you attractive to your husband or other men if you aren’t married. It is the “good, and acceptable, and perfect will of God” (Romans 12:2). This means you don’t get easily angered, offended, and certainly not nasty. You can control your negative emotions, feelings, words, and actions. You renew your minds with truth so you can walk in the Spirit instead of the flesh.

But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
1 Peter 3:4

A Sweet, Christ-Centered Marriage

A Sweet, Christ-Centered Marriage

Jinger Vuolo wrote to her mother, Michelle Duggar who has 19 children, a beautiful letter on Michelle’s birthday. May we all strive to be wives and mothers like her! Here is what Jinger said:

Happy Birthday to the most incredible woman in the world!

Mom, I am so thankful to God for you. Thank you for always being there for us kids night or day to talk and pray with us. Thank you for helping us memorize passages of scripture from an early age. Thank you for being so patient with us kids and for never raising your voice. Thank you for not being overly worried about having a clean house, but instead letting us kids build forts, make a mess with our crafts, and just enjoy being kids…and I won’t ever forget the dirt pile and how you would let us play in the rain!

Thank you for making our home a happy home by your joyful attitude, even in the midst of trials. Thank you for how you have always sought to love and honor Daddy by being his greatest cheerleader. By your example, you taught us kids what a sweet, Christ-centered relationship looks like. As a wife now myself, I am so blessed to have you as a role model of the godly woman I desire to be.

Your steadfast walk with Christ and deep love for Him has inspired me to want to know Him all the more. Thank you for your faithful prayers for us kids. I know that we will never know just how much you have committed yourself to praying for each of us and our future.

Thank you for teaching us kids to look for ways to serve others…whether that meant driving an elderly person to a doctor’s appointment, raking their lawn, helping a widow in need, or taking meals to the sick. You taught us by example what it means to truly love people. Thank you for teaching us to be hospitable, always going above and beyond to make those who enter your door feel special and right at home.

I am so grateful to have you not only as my mom, but also as a best friend. How very grateful I am that Felicity has such a godly grandma and role model as you!

I love you will all of my heart and will forever by grateful for you!

Love your daughter,

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
Proverbs 31:28

Women Never Tell Lies?

Women Never Tell Lies?

We all know our culture is wicked. We only have to watch the news for a few minutes for this to be confirmed. The hard part is seeing those who claim to be “Christians” believing and promoting the same things as our evil culture. Jen Hatmaker is popular among “Christian” women since she claims to be a Christian.

She wrote something on Facebook the other day but used absolutely zero scripture to back up one thing that she wrote. I completely agree with one woman who left a comment on her post: “Wow. Deceptively worded to tickle ears. I notice you didn’t stand on any of God’s moral authority here. You worded this perfectly to secular beliefs without stating what God says on each matter. I find this cowardly and obviously deceptive. It seems you just want popularity.” As A.W. Tozer wrote, “They who degrade or compromise the truth in order to reach large numbers, dishonor God and deeply injure the souls of men.”

There are MANY false teachers these days and we are warned about them in almost every book of the New Testament, as I have repeatedly warned you. I have noticed that most women preachers/teachers become false teachers. Once they disobey God’s clear commands to not teach nor be in authority over men in the churches, many other commands in the word of God are also watered down by them. In order to spot a false teacher, you MUST know the Bible. You must read, study, and meditate upon it, dear women. Don’t allow these false teachers to steer you away from the truth.

As I pointed out the lies that Rachel Hollis wrote, I am going to point out the lies that Jen Hatmaker wrote. “Recently, Hatmaker tweeted that she wanted to be baptized an Episcopalian by a pro-gay bishop and her (still) good friend and compatriot, Beth Moore, ‘liked’ her tweet.” Beth Moore also has no problems teaching men. Please, be careful who you learn from. (If “Christian” women teachers never teach anything about biblical womanhood like being submissive to their own husbands, being keepers at home, learning to have meek and quiet spirits, and all things pertaining to becoming godly women, they are disobeying God since this is what He commands women teach other women.)

Jen Hatmaker wrote (her words are in green):

As a leader and author, pastor and teacher, let me just be positively clear where I stand on a few things. In the most outrageous twilight zone ever, these issues have now become ‘partisan’ but to me, these are purely a matter of my faith which compels me. I will always champion a working faith ethic that…” Just calling herself a leader and pastor shows that she doesn’t care about the Scripture’s admonition that women are not to teach men but to remain silent in the churches. “But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence” (1 Timothy 2:12).

She goes on to say that she champions a working faith ethic that “Believes women.” Where in the Bible does she get this from? Even perfect, sinless Eve lied to the serpent and added that God had told them not to touch the fruit of the tree! According to the word of God, we are ALL sinners, yes, even women. “For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23).  She believes women even if they are lying with not a shred of evidence that they are telling the truth? Even if they are twisting the truth to destroy the reputation of a good man? How about believing only women who are actually telling the truth?

Jen’s “working faith ethic…Condemns the pervasive, patriarchal power structures that keep women silenced, underpaid, underrepresented, exploited, denigrated, shamed, and abused.” And where is this actually happening in America? We just had a woman who almost became the president of the United States and many women in both houses of congress! Does she not care about the “power structures” that God has set up? He made Adam first. Jesus chose 12 male disciples. Only men wrote the Bible. Only men are to have authority and teach in the churches. The husband is to be the head of his wife. I believe that God clearly knows what He is doing by having men be in authority but God also gives worth and value to women. It’s Christianity that brings value to women BUT this doesn’t mean that women are to forcefully take over men’s positions in the churches, homes, or in culture and cause division between men and women as Jen Hatmaker is doing.

Her working faith ethic “Names, repents from, resists, and actively fights white supremacy in all its forms, structures, systems, language, and evil practices.” Can she show me one Bible verse that tells her that this is what she is supposed to be fighting? I am not even sure where she is seeing “white supremacy” in our culture. We just had eight years of having a black president and people of all colors in positions of authority in our country from senators, to governors, to mayors, and everywhere else. Besides, her racist rhetoric is highly divisive by writing about “patriarchy” and “white supremacy.” Why the hatred towards men? Yes, there are some evil men but many good ones. And actually, the only people it seems people can openly attack and slander in our culture these days without any backlash are white men! Just because they are white shouldn’t disqualify them. Remember, we are to judge people by the content of their character, NOT by the color of their skin.

Actively resists children being held in detainment apart from their parents at the border as a wicked, punitive, unconscionable political strategy.” What about the mass slaughter of millions of children by abortion? Does she actively resist this, too, and speak up for the life of the unborn?

Refuses to accept the dehumanization of immigrants, refugees, Muslims, Mexicans, and brown and black bodies everywhere.” So is she saying that anyone and everyone can come across our borders without any protection for our own country? Does she lock her doors at night? Does she do what she can to make her home and children safe? By not having open borders, this is what our country is doing just as she does with her home. Almost all countries are careful with whom they allow in their country BUT we still allow immigrants into our country and our country is full of immigrants, refugees, Muslims, Mexicans, and brown and black bodies everywhere. They simply have to go through the proper process in order to enter our country to ensure its safety.

Affirms the LGBTQ community, defends their rights, and cherishes their humanity.” So she is affirming, defending, and cherishing activity that God condemns. Does she even believe it is sin anymore? Has she read Romans 1? Does she not care about their eternal souls more than their rights? Does she share the Gospel with them? Yes, we love them as human beings and treat them with respect but we don’t affirm them in their sinful lifestyle as she is doing. “For this cause God gave them up unto vile affections: for even their women did change the natural use into that which is against nature: And likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust one toward another; men with men working that which is unseemly, and receiving in themselves that recompense of their error which was meet. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a reprobate mind, to do those things which are not convenient” (Romans 1:26-28).

Believes we have a better story to write together than the divided, contentious, fear-based example we see in culture right now. We can do better. We are better than this.” Our job as believers in Jesus Christ isn’t to right all wrongs in our culture. There’s no biblical command to do this. We are to be salt and light in a wicked culture by living godly lives and bringing the hope that we have in Christ to those around us. “No man that warreth entangleth himself with the affairs of this life; that he may please him who hath chosen him to be a soldier” (2 Timothy 2:4). We are to gently point out their sin so they see their need for a Savior, not try to affirm their sin and make them comfortable in it.

The Gospel itself brings division and contention. Look at what they did to Christ! He never spoke about the ills of culture. (Yes, He spoke of culture as wicked but He never told His disciples or followers to try to change it.) He spoke about the ills of men’s and women’s hearts and pointed them to Him and their need to become new creatures in Christ who are filled with His Spirit. People need Jesus. They don’t need to fight for a perfectly good and fair culture since this will never happen. Our culture is following the prince of the power of the air (Satan). They are blinded to truth and we will never have a perfectly fair culture because it is filled with sinful human beings who want nothing to do with their Creator. All wisdom comes from Him. Most people have no wisdom.

The thing is, this is the only way I understand the gospel. I cannot come to any other conclusion than this path laid out for us by Jesus. Anything other than a radically inclusive faith that honors the dignity of every person makes no sense to me. I can’t find any other road through my faith than one that condemns patriarchy, misogyny, sexism, racism, homophobia, ableism, abuse, and white supremacy. NOTHING ELSE MAKES SENSE. This is who Jesus is and what He came to do. I can’t say it any plainer. He came to loose the chains of injustice and set the captives free. Full stop.” (This is way too similar to what Rachel Hollis wrote, unfortunately.) Jen Hatmaker must have failed to read the parts where Jesus told those He was speaking to that if their right hand causes them to sin, they are to cut it off and if their eye causes them to sin, they are to pluck it out. He told the adulterous woman to “go and sin no more.” He caused a ton of division and was even crucified for it, so I don’t know what jesus she serves but it sure isn’t the Jesus of the Bible. He was nailed and crucified to the cross for our sin. He never talks about a “radically inclusive faith.” No, it is a narrow path that we are on and few want to walk on it. “Because strait is the gate, and narrow is the way, which leadeth unto life, and few there be that find it” (Matthew 7:14). It is for those who repent of their sin and believe in Jesus Christ as their Lord and Savior. “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand: repent ye, and believe the gospel” (Mark 1:15).

So that is where you will always find me, good readers. During every administration, throughout every movement, in every church setting, in all my work, five years from now, ten years from now, until I’m dead.” So fighting social justice is more important to her than speaking the truth in love and sharing the true Gospel of Jesus Christ? (Yes, it’s MUCH easier to teach what she teaches rather than the truth of God’s word.) There will always be evil in this world because this is not our home. We are strangers and aliens. We are never commanded to right all social wrongs (yet, she goes way beyond this and wants to right what God calls sin, cause division between the sexes, and destroy the authority structure that He has set up). She, sadly, cares more about her social agenda than people’s eternal souls.

Listen to strong, male Bible teachers, dear women, like Michael Pearl and John MacArthur. Michael Pearl is actually my favorite because he doesn’t water down any of the word of God no matter how unpopular it is in our culture. I want to be this kind of older woman who teaches younger women biblical womanhood. I never want to water down the truth of God to become more popular.

For the time will come when they will not endure sound doctrine; but after their own lusts shall they heap to themselves teachers, having itching ears; And they shall turn away their ears from the truth, and shall be turned unto fables.
2 Timothy 4:4

A Checklist for a Godly Wife

A Checklist for a Godly Wife

From Elisabeth Elliot’s Gateway to Joy radio broadcast:

A checklist for Christian men seeking a godly wife—–

Make sure she is a Christian and is living her Christian faith. She should be feminine. In other words, she should be glad she’s a woman, not angry or uncertain about it. Woman was made from man, for man, brought to man, and named by man.

She should know the divine order. Man is the leader. Woman is the follower. Man is the initiator. Woman is the responder.

She should acknowledge Christ as Lord. Wives are to submit to their husbands as unto the Lord.

She should choose to obey God and to accept her husband’s destiny. In other words, if she marries a business man who later becomes a preacher and a pastor, she cannot say, “I married a business man. I did not want to be married to a preacher.” His destiny is her destiny. She is to obey and follow her husband. This is not to say that she is a zero. A help meet is some one. A zero cannot be a helper. One plus one equals two, not one plus zero.

She needs a sense of humor. She doesn’t have to be a comedienne, but she should have a good sense of humor.

She should be willing to lay down a career entirely to be a mother. Watch out for any woman who talks about “rights”.

She should have the unfading loveliness of a calm and gentle spirit. As I Peter 3 teaches to a Christian woman living with a non-Christian husband or a husband who is not acting like a Christian. A calm and gentle spirit is an attribute to any woman.

She should know love is not a feeling, but an action. Feelings are no anchor for a marriage.

She should know how to cook.

She should like some of the same things such as books, sports, politics, hobbies, movies as her husband.

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
Proverbs 18:22

Things Women Can’t Stand About Living With Men

Things Women Can’t Stand About Living With Men

There’s an article about five things women can’t stand about living with men and of course, it’s about living with them, not being married to them since marriage is out of date these days and so old-fashioned. I thought it would be interesting to go through these five things that women can’t seem to stand about living with men.

1. Throwing things on the floor and leaving them there.
2. Leaving a dirty bathroom sink and toilet splashes
3. Not enough space for everything
4. Dirty dishes
5. Taking too long to do anything

Do you see that most of them have to do with housekeeping?! This is why my simple handwritten post about housework went viral (shown below)! Women don’t want to have to clean up after their husband/boyfriend (living with a boyfriend is living in sin). This is how marriage is supposed to work, right? He cleans up after himself and I clean up after myself.

No, this isn’t how it’s supposed to work! Yes, according to our culture and “equality” it is but not in God’s economy. He created the wife to be the husband’s help meet and to be the keeper at home. She’s the one who is called to “look well to the ways of her household” and make her husband’s life easier when he gets home from working hard all day. When roles are clearly defined, it’s easy to see who is responsible for picking things up off the floor, cleaning the bathrooms and kitchens, and organizing so everything is neat and tidy.

Don’t allow these “annoyances” to destroy your marriage, dear women. Remember that the greatest of all is the servant of all! Be thankful that you have a husband to care for, to clean up after, and a home to keep clean and tidy. While you are being thankful for all of these things, you won’t have time to complain and allow little things to steal your joy. You will learn to live a selfless life instead of a selfish life.

For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another.
Galatians 5:13

Role Reversal in the Home

Role Reversal in the Home

Is it okay for the woman to be the breadwinner of the family and the husband be the “keeper at home”? I have been asked this numerous times and I know of families that do it this way. I am going to let you hear from Michael Pearl for this answer. Yes, some of it will most likely offend you if you don’t understand God’s clearly defined roles between the sexes and get offended easily. Husbands are the head of the wife and called to provide for and protect their families. Wives are to live in submission to their husband’s leadership and to be keepers at home. Here’s Michael Pearl:

It is never ideal for the woman to be the breadwinner and the man to be the home-keeper for the simple reason that the role reversal (a role dictated by our created natures) places each in a position contrary to their nature. A single woman may fit into the workplace as well as a man. A single man with children may function as the housekeeper, cook, homeschool teacher, etc., and do a fair job of it—all consistent with human nature. But the marriage relationship is unique.

The man by nature is the savior, provider, and protector who braves the cruel world and carries the responsibility to protect and nourish his wife and family. It is in a man’s genes to take the command-and-control position. To become a dependent rather than the provider wreaks havoc on a man’s self-esteem. In our modern world, the one whose name is on the paycheck is the head of all finances, the one to be thanked and appreciated. That person is the fountain of the family, possessing the right of veto over all spending, and controlling the direction of the family where it involves finances.

The one who comes home tired from a day’s work is entitled to the recliner until dinner is served. It is the one who says, “Why aren’t my socks in the drawer?” and “This house is a mess; what have you been doing all day?” The breadwinner decides what kind of bread to eat and whether or not spending is foolish or necessary.*

A bread-winning woman is not vulnerable and finds it difficult to come home and be a submissive, servant wife. To be forced to do so breeds resentment and a feeling of being used. I need not go on; you know these things and more to be true to nature and experience.

But sometimes life throws unnatural curves and turns our world upside-down. We have to make do like a one-legged man. We get around and get along in the best way we can. When a man is disabled and cannot enter the labor force, the wife may be thrown into an unnatural role of breadwinner. Sometimes the children are forced to work to provide for the family. It is not natural but it is necessary.

A dependent man will have to accept a different worldview and a different role. He will have to accept not being fulfilled in the normal manner. And the bread-winning wife will need to learn humility and to try to maintain a feminine demeanor at home, giving deference to the man, allowing him to be a handicapped king in his limited domain. The dependent man will also need to learn humility and to accept his dependency with thanksgiving and grace. Like any unnatural handicap, it will not be easy, but it is entirely manageable, and each can find fulfillment in their role reversals.

However, when a couple reverses roles because the wife is able to make more money, or when the man is lazy and incompetent, or when she just likes to work and he just likes to hang out at home, you can be certain that neither is going to find fulfillment in their relationship, and their marriage is likely to end in the woman divorcing the man.

When both the man and woman are reconciled to the reality that the man is handicapped out of the work force through no choice of his own, and not having to do with incompetence, it takes the edge off of blame and the discomfort of role reversal; but when they both know it is a choice, expect the man to shrink in his self-respect and the woman to grow masculine in her demeanor—leaving the marriage to suffer.

God said to Adam, not Eve, “In the sweat of thy face shalt thou eat bread, till thou return unto the ground.” 
Genesis 3:19

Paul declared, “But if any provide not for his own, and specially for those of his own house, he hath denied the faith, and is worse than an infidel.”
1 Timothy 5:8

That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. 
Titus 2:4–5

*I realize these statements will be highly offensive to many women but we must remember to only allow sin and Satan to offend us. These statements are neither. God has made the husband the head over his wife and the wife was created to be his help meet. His responsibility is to provide for the family and her responsibility is to be a keeper at home which includes keeping it clean and tidy, doing the laundry, fixing meals, etc. This is what God has called her to do; to “look well to the ways of her household. A godly wife is a submissive, servant wife and doesn’t get offended by her husband’s requests or rebukes.

Finding Joy in the Mundane

Finding Joy in the Mundane

Written to me by a woman who wants to remain anonymous.

I have been following your blog and Facebook account for some time now, and it initially infuriated me. I am a stay at home mother, and I would not trade a minute of it. However, I went to college, and then to graduate school. I amassed $30,000 in loans to do it. And then I worked. And worked hard, 70 hour weeks seven days a week. At that time, we needed my income to survive, but it was also a source of personal pride in what I’d achieved.

When I became pregnant I quit working, which I’d always planned to do. And I suddenly found myself very depressed. I didn’t spend all that time, energy, and money to change diapers! No, anyone could do that. This was meaningless work and totally unfulfilling personally, although I would never put my child in daycare.

I’ve grappled with this for several months. I read. I studied. I prayed. I consulted older women in my church. And I began to accept that this is my career. This is what I was meant to do. And I began to find joy in the mundane. (Let’s face it, housekeeping and diaper changing can be monotonous). I prayed steadily for the Lord to give me joy in this season and this new role. To take the desire for outside work and career achievements from me. And he has answered me.

I have been so convicted to keep my home, feed my husband, raise, teach, and train my son, and if there be any time else after personal studies, then I add in play dates, excursions, etc., but my first priority is to keep my home and family ordered and maintained. My husband works two jobs for me to stay home, so I don’t take the job lightly. But I admit, in my personal/postpartum depression I was resentful and lazy. He has been so impressed the last few months coming home to a clean house, a happy family, and a hot meal. And his joy in working has improved as a result.

Following the Scriptural plan for your life isn’t always easy. Not when it requires such a drastic change from the life you’d been living/dreaming. But it is always worth it. I did what I was told to do, whether I “wanted” to or not, and the Lord in his grace has also now given me the heart and joy in doing so. Obedience is ALWAYS better.

And Samuel said, Hath the LORD as great delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices, as in obeying the voice of the LORD? Behold, to obey is better than sacrifice, and to hearken than the fat of rams.
1 Samuel 15:22

Build Ye Houses and Dwell in Them

Build Ye Houses and Dwell in Them

What were God’s commands to His people when King Nebuchadnezzar carried them away from Jerusalem to Babylon? “Build ye houses, and dwell in them; and plant gardens, and eat the fruit of them; Take ye wives, and beget sons and daughters; and take wives for your sons, and give your daughters to husbands, that they may bear sons and daughters; that ye may be increased there, and not diminished. And seek the peace of the city whither I have caused you to be carried away captives, and pray unto the Lord for it: for in the peace thereof shall ye have peace” (Jeremiah 29:5-7). Dwelling in home, planting gardens, marrying, and bearing children were all part of His wonderful plan for His children even in a foreign and hostile land.

What were the Apostle Paul’s instructions to young women while living in a wicked culture and for young women today? “That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed” (Titus 2:4, 5). And what were his instructions to young widows? “I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully” (1 Timothy 5:14). God wants young women to marry, bear children, dwell, and work in their homes even in a culture that hates the Lord as a shining example to the beauty of His ways.

What about barren women? “He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD” (Psalm 113:9) from the Song of Hannah. What was the Proverbs 31 woman known for? Was she known for her career choice and how much money she made? No! She was known for looking “well to the ways of her household” (Proverbs 31:27). Her husband and children rise up and call her blessed!

It is abundantly clear what God’s will is for women yet few women are being taught this as they are growing up. Being a keeper at home isn’t even on their radar! So what about the women who are highly educated, have a mountain of debt, and must work to pay it off but want to be home with their children? What should they do? Or how about women who are single with children and want to be home? What about women whose husbands insist they work outside of the home? Do they have no options?

My encouragement to all women who want to come home full time regardless of their circumstances is to pray. Pray. Pray. Lay your burden at the feet of Jesus. Ask Him for wisdom. Let Him know that you now see how important it is for you to be home full time with your children and ask Him if He would make a way for this to happen; for with God ALL things are possible! Then walk in the grace, mercy, and strength that He provides while waiting upon Him.

If you have a mountain of debt and a well paying job, pay it off as soon as possible. This is a tough position to be in. Many will mock you if you tell them you are paying off your debt and leaving your prestigious career to go home full time but you aren’t alone! Many women are finding out how empty their careers are and are choosing to go home to raise their own children. It may take awhile but once you step out in faith and begin to live simply and frugally so you can pay the debt off sooner, God will give you the grace and endurance to accomplish it!

If you are single for some reason, seek ways to make money from home if at all possible. Can you start a daycare to be home with your children? I know women who sell things from home and make good money (the internet has opened up a good resource for this). Tutor children from home. Teach piano or an instrument, if you know how to play one. Remind yourself that nothing is impossible with the Lord, pray daily for wisdom, and ask that He make a way for you to come home.

God’s will for single mothers is to marry, bear children and guide the home. Yes, this verse was written to widows but those who are single through no choice of your own or from poor choices, getting married is a great solution but make sure to marry a man who wants to provide for you so you can stay home full time. Your children need a father, and if you can find a godly man who wants to marry you and provide for you, marry him! This is by far the best solution.

For the mother whose husband wants her to work, figure out how much money you are really bringing home after taxes, the cost of clothing, wear and tear on the car, lack of time to shop frugally and fix meals from scratch at home, and then make a gentle appeal to him. Read “Home By Choice” so you can show him the studies that prove how important it is for mothers to be home with their children. After doing this, keep praying and resting in the Lord’s timing. He is the One who will convict and change your husband’s mind if it is to be so, but make sure you are treating him with respect and kindness. Never grow bitter towards him!

Marriage was created by God. He said that it was not good for man to be alone so He created a help meet for the man. This is all good and a part of God’s wonderful plan for us from the beginning. Marriage and women being keepers at home has become muddied in our culture. Always go back to the word of God for your instructions, dear women, then trust Him to provide what He commands.

For this is the love of God, that we keep his commandments: and his commandments are not grievous.
1 John 5:3

The Sphere of a Woman’s Life

The Sphere of a Woman’s Life

In 1996, Dr. John MacArthur taught a series on God’s Patterns for Wives. He went through Proverbs 31 and Titus 2:4, 5. When he finally got to the part about women being keepers at home, he knew it would be controversial since he wrote “now we get down to the nitty-gritty.” I know some of you are frustrated by the way I teach women to be “keepers at home” so I thought I would give you another teaching on this topic from a well-known and solid Bible teacher:

And then, number five, and now we get down to the nitty-gritty. They are to be workers at home. We’ve dealt with the attitudes of a woman, love toward husband, love toward children, wisdom and purity. Now, we turn to the very important issue, the sphere of her responsibility, workers at home, oikourgos, literally a house worker. This is the sphere of a woman’s life. It is her domain. It is her kingdom. It is her realm.

The word is derived from the word “house” and the word “work.” A house worker. It doesn’t simply refer, by the way, to scrubbing floors and cleaning bathrooms and doing that. It simply connotes the idea that the home is the sphere of her labors, whatever they might be. It is not that a woman is to keep busy all the time at home. It doesn’t mean that she can never go out the door. It doesn’t mean that she’s always to be doing menial tasks. But what it does mean is that the home is the sphere of her divine assignment.

She is to be the home keeper, to take care of her husband, to provide for him and for the children, all that they need as they live in that home. Materially, she is to take the resources the husband brings home and translate them into a comfortable and blessed life for her children. She is to take the spiritual things that she knows and learns and to pass them on to her children. She is a keeper at home.

God’s standard is for the wife and mother to work inside the home and not outside. For a mother to get a job outside the home in order to send her children even to a Christian school is to misunderstand her husband’s role as a provider, as well as her own duty to the family. The good training her children receive in the Christian school may be counteracted by her lack of full commitment to the biblical standards for motherhood.

In addition to having less time to work at home and teach and care for her children, a wife working outside the home often has a boss to whom she is responsible for pleasing in the way she dresses and a lot of other matters, complicating the headship of her husband and compromising her own testimony. She is forced to submit to men other than her own husband, likely to become more independent, including financially in fragmenting the unity of the family. She is in the danger of becoming enamored by the business world or whatever world she’s in, and finding less and less satisfaction in her home responsibilities.

Many studies have shown that most children who grow up in homes where the mother works are less secure than in those where mother is always at home. I think that should be obvious. Her presence there, even when the child is in school, is an emotional anchor. Working mothers contribute so often to delinquency and a host of other problems that lead to the decline of the family. It’s not that mothers who stay at home are automatically or categorically more spiritual. Many mothers who have never worked outside the home do very little in the home to strengthen their families: gossiping, watching ungodly and immoral soap operas and a host of other things can be as destructive as a working mother. But a woman’s only opportunity to fulfill God’s plan for her role as wife and mother is in the home.

Now, when children are grown, there is an opportunity for some kind of endeavor outside the home. Certainly, that option is viable, if it doesn’t compromise her as a woman, it doesn’t compromise the headship of her husband, it doesn’t put her under undue temptation, it doesn’t put her in an environment where she is going to be subject to the actions and the words of ungodly men. It may be that when the children are grown she can work part-time; she can even work full-time in an environment which is salutatory to her and which increases her godliness and strengthens her as a wife.

But the home is still her domain. And even widows or women whose husbands have left them are not expected to leave their domain and children to work outside the home. Paul declared this in 1 Timothy 5:8, “If anyone doesn’t provide for his own and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” And this means to provide not only for his family immediately, but his extended family.

If there is, for example, a widow or a woman without a husband by divorce in your family, you should care for her before you force her out to care for herself. If a woman has no husband, no financial resources of her own, the rest of her family or even her children or her grandchildren are to take care of her. They have that responsibility so that she can maintain her responsibility in the family. That’s indicated in the first part of chapter 5 of 1 Timothy. But if she has no one, no male relatives, that 1 Timothy 5 passage says, if she has no male relatives to support her, there might be a female relative who could care for her, according to verse 16. If she has no female relatives, there is nobody to care for her, then the church is obligated to care for her, 1 Timothy 5:16.

The basic premise then is that even a woman without a husband, even a woman who may not have children still has the right to be cared for. I shouldn’t say not have children, but whose children are older, still has the right to be a part of the home. As He was hanging on the cross, Jesus, during the last moments of His life was concerned about His mother. And what He did in John 19 verses 26 and 27 was give her to John to take care of. Why? Well, she was most likely a widow. Joseph had no doubt died before this. Jesus was no longer there to take care of her. His own half-brothers did not believe in Him. He turns His mother over to John.

When a woman obviously still has children at home, her primary obligation is to them. If she has no children or they are grown, she has a responsibility to help teach the younger women and share the insights and wisdom she’s gained from her own walk with the Lord. She should invest her time when she’s older and her children are grown not in working in the world, hopefully sometimes that may have to happen, but investing in younger women.

Now, I realize having said what I’ve said to you tonight, I’m giving you the standard of Scripture. There are a lot of cases that you could bring up. What about this? What about this? What about this? All I can tell you is what the Bible says. You have to use your own wisdom. There may be a situation where a widow has to be employed because the care of her children is not provided by anybody. And frankly, most churches don’t come to the aid of these kinds of people. I thank the Lord that our church does in many, many cases.

There may be a situation where your children are in school and without any compromise to your children or your husband; you can do some part-time work. Many women have become very fruitful working out of their own homes and doing that, much like the Proverbs 31 woman.

But the standard is very clear in Scripture. The sphere of a woman’s influence is to be found in the home. The obvious things, of course, are when mothers go to work when they still have children young, even infants, babies, children who haven’t even gone to school yet, living in their home and they abandon them and turn them over to the care of someone else. Even churches sometimes foster that by starting day care centers for children under school age. Many times women work because they want to maintain a certain economic standard. The sacrifice of children and family for that economic standard is a bad decision.

You say, “What about that woman who is very capable, and competent, and energized, who has an industrious attitude, who’s a very gifted person? She can take care of her household responsibilities because we live in a day when there’s so many great appliances and you’re not out there on a rock beating your dirty clothes out. We have all of that, and she’s got time on her hands, can’t she develop some enterprise?” Of course, that’s what the Proverbs 31 woman did, of course.

The focal point: she provides for her husband expressions of love and care. She provides the same for her children. She leads and guides and teaches her children so that they can become godly children. She is in the home, secure, and protected, and kept from the influence of evil men and potentially wicked relationships. She lodges strangers. She humbly washes saints’ feet. She shows hospitality. She devotes herself to every good work. And that’s her domain.

Obviously, this is wondrously accommodated by a godly husband, right? It becomes very difficult when you don’t have a faithful husband. It is at that point the extended family steps in to help. If there’s no extended family to help, at that point the church steps in to help so that having lost a father, the children don’t also lose a mother. This is the church’s responsibility.

Vivian Gornick, a feminist author, writes, “Being a housewife is an illegitimate profession. The choice to serve and be protected and planned toward being a family maker is a choice that shouldn’t exist, and the heart of radical feminism is to change that.” End quote. Of course. Whatever God says, they want to unsay.

In New Testament times, as in Old Testament times, a woman in a home had to grind flour, bake everything from scratch, launder, cook, nurse and care for children, make beds, spin, weave, keep house, care for guests. And in the same time and with the full energy and commitment, devote herself to express her love to her husband, to her children and to God Himself. A tremendous assignment.

You say, “Why in the world does God want women to be so busy?” At the risk of sounding trite, it keeps them out of sin. Proverbs 7:11 gives a startling picture of a harlot. It says this about a harlot: “She is boisterous and rebellious, and her feet do not remain at home.” She doesn’t find her home sufficiently fulfilling. She needs something else, and that leads her into sin.

To most of our society, this is all absolutely ridiculous stuff. And we get so engulfed in this kind of thinking because of the society around us that it may even seem a little strange to us, but this is the Word of God. Godly women are to be content at home, and to be content to love their children and love their husbands and serve their families in their homes and serve the Lord.

One of the most wonderful things that the church has ever experienced is the ministry of women. All of the tests and the studies and surveys indicate that about 60 percent of all church life is cared for by women. Evangelical churches are populated by women. They say about 37 percent of evangelical churches are men. The church has always benefited by godly women who work in the home, and when they have time they minister on behalf of the church. And as women abandon the home for the world, they also abandon the church.

She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
Proverbs 31:27

STOP Living With Your Boyfriend!

STOP Living With Your Boyfriend!

Younger women, God calls you to be chaste regardless of what our culture promotes. Chaste means “pure from all unlawful commerce of sexes. Applied to persons before marriage, it signifies pure from all sexual commerce, undefiled; applied to married persons, true to the marriage bed.” Therefore, no type of sexual activity before marriage and once married, sexual activity is only between a man and his wife. Sex is wonderful but it was created by God, not only to create new life, but to be enjoyed and bring pleasure to married couples.

Many young, unmarried couples today live (have sex) together before marriage, including many Christian ones, and think nothing is wrong with it since it is so common. We live by the commands of God, not what is acceptable in our wicked generation. God wants you free from all sexual activity before marriage for very good reasons, so don’t move in with your boyfriend no matter how much he persuades you to do so!

Once you move in with your boyfriend, he has little reason to ask you to marry him. You are already there to provide all that he needs: cook, cleaner, maybe financial benefit, and someone to have sex with him at night. Why should he have to take on all the responsibilities of marriage (commitment, provider, protector) when he can easily get the benefits of marriage (sex and a woman who helps him) for free?

The longer you two cohabitate, the more things you will share: rent/mortgage, utilities, furniture, pets, and sadly, illegitimate children. It always leads to one of two paths: marriage or separation. When your highly inevitable break up occurs, you will need to decide who keeps what and who moves out. It is hard to decide who keeps what when you have been splitting everything 50/50 for years. You can’t exactly cut your table that you both paid materials and labor into in half, or make larger decisions like how much and when to sell the home you bought.

Hopefully, you haven’t already gone as far as having sex, making children together, and moving in with your boyfriend. Even though society, family, and friends may think you two should live together while dating, DON’T DO IT! All of this is foolish behavior and will reap unhappy results. Find a godly, older person who will keep you accountable with your boyfriend. Seek purity in everything! Don’t spend too much time alone together. It’s not wise to do so.

But women say, “It’s cheaper,” or “We want to see if we want to marry each other,” or “We need to ‘try’ each other out.” Living together while dating each other is very different than married couples living together. You aren’t wondering if you paid for the movie tickets last time, or if it’s your turn to drive and buy groceries. You’ll always have in your mind that you can leave at any time since there’s no commitment which is what true love is. Plus, if you have been unfaithful before marriage, it is much easier to be unfaithful once married. There are many good reasons God commands young women to be chaste!

There is something beautiful and precious about becoming one flesh in the bonds of marriage. It’s not bondage as our culture tries to convince you. It’s freedom! Freedom from fear of getting pregnant. (So what if you’re blessed with another baby!) Freedom from sexually transmitted disease. Freedom from fear he will just up and leave you with no strings attached. Commitment is a wonderful thing and the commitment in marriage should be “until death do you part.”

Save yourself a lot of time and get a female roommate, if you aren’t living at home anymore. It costs less than what you may lose if you breakup, but more importantly, the largest cost by far is falling away from your faith which continuing in sin does to people. Sin hardens hearts away from the truth and then you will begin believing lies. It’s a very slippery slope to be on.

IF you have already moved in…

Move out if you aren’t married!

Are you waiting for your boyfriend that you live with to “pop” the question? If so, move out until you are married, not just engaged but married. Marriage is a commitment for life. Love is commitment, not doing what you feel like doing or want to experiment with. No, it’s a lifelong, beautiful commitment between a man and a woman.

You know how hard it will be to separate the stuff you share, so do it now while you are still dating and are on good terms with each other. Imagine having a conversation about how to get your checking accounts back to just your own name when you need his signature, or who gets the fluffy dog that greets you every night at the door while you still adore each other. Now imagine doing that after finding out he found a new gal. Better to do it now, right?

Still want to marry him? This isn’t going to slow down that process. If he for some reason breaks up with you because of it, he obviously didn’t intend on marrying you ever. You are free to go find a future husband while you are still young. I believe if a man doesn’t want to marry a woman after a year of dating/courting, it may be time to move on, especially if she is over 21 years old.

Finally, if you have already had sex with your boyfriend and/or are living with him, please turn away from this sin, then remind yourself that the moment you believed in Jesus Christ as your Savior, every single sin you ever have committed or will commit was forgiven. Remind yourself who you are in Christ (a new creature in Christ) and begin again to walk in newness of life. Thank the Lord for forgiving you for your sin of having sex with your boyfriend or living with him, repent (stop doing the sin), and begin to live in obedience to the Lord (“sin no more”).

His ways are good, dear women. They are perfect. Yes, you may suffer from scars of your past sins but you can move on knowing that you are completely forgiven and now have the power (Christ’s power living within you) to do the right thing!

Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
1 Corinthians 6:18