Women are commanded to win their disobedient husbands without a word by their godly conversation as stated in 1 Peter 3:1. Philippians 1:27 states, “Only let your conversation be as it becomes the gospel of Christ.” The Lord wants all believers in Him to have godly conversation. What does this mean? Does it only refer to our conversation and what we say or does it include a lot more?
Charles Spurgeon has this to say about this word “conversation.” “In the first place, the gospel is very simple. So Christians should be simple and plain in their habits. There should be about our manner, our speech, our dress, our whole behavior, that simplicity which is the very soul of beauty.” Therefore, we should live a simple life. We should live simply, dress simply, speak simply, and live our lives with the simplicity which is in Christ. We should focus more of our lives on our inner life and having Christ-like qualities than what we look like or what we own. Our words should always be kind, gentle, and loving. Our behavior should be warm, friendly, and affectionate. The word conversation refers to our behavior.
“The gospel is very loving. It is the message of the God of love to a lost and fallen race. Christ’s last command to his disciples was, ‘Love one another.'” If you are married to a difficult man, the Lord wants you to love him more than you love yourself. This shows a lost and decaying world the love of Christ. There is a better chance of preserving the institution of marriage for your children, for their children, and so on if you stay committed to your husband until death do you part. God created marriage as sacred and your goal should be to show others the sacredness of it, even through the hard times. This will benefit not only your children in ways that you may never know, but all those who are watching as you live out your life unselfishly and with unconditional love.
“If our life is to resemble the gospel, we must shun, not merely the grosser vices, but everything that would hinder our perfect conformity to Christ. For his sake, for our own sakes, and for the sakes of others, we must strive day by day to let our conversation be more in accordance with his gospel.” Hate what is evil and cling to what is good. Instead of turning the television on, open a good book and learn godly principles. The best book to learn this from is the Bible. Study it, meditate upon it, and let it transform your life. Ignore the political shows and news if they cause you to fear. These mostly share bad news and steal your joy. Focus on the good in life. I love to go in our backyard sometime during the day and lay in the sun to get some vitamin D for about fifteen minutes. I concentrate on the sounds around me: the chirping birds, the train’s horn blowing miles away, the wind rustling the leaves beside me, cars in the distance, and I thank the Lord for all of them. A grateful, satisfied heart is a pleasure for others to be in the presence of and enjoy. Cultivate a thankful, positive spirit. The conversation you live will be a huge testimony to God’s power living in and through you!
While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
1 Peter 3:2
Did you notice that last phrase in this verse? I never noticed the “coupled with fear” here and am going to be doing a post about this. What does it mean in the context of winning a disobedient husband? What are your thoughts?
Last week, I received this package filled with wonderful gifts from a godly woman who has read my blog for six months. Along with the gifts, she sent me a long letter that I want to share with you (with her permission, of course.)
I was 25 when the Lord awakened me and saved my wretched soul from His wrath. I live every day in complete gratitude that He would save someone like me. I will never understand, but am so utterly thankful He did!
My parents divorced when I was nine going on ten. It definitely left some scares but I moved on and lived with my mom who raised me with my stepdad (our next door neighbor that my mom had an affair with). I grew up in a nice environment, but it was completely self-centered. My mom taught me to get an education, career, buy a home and not to settle down with anyone; you need to wait that out and live with him first to see if it will work out. So I did all those things.
There was a lady at my work who professed to be a Christian and would talk to me about dating and what the Bible says about relationships. She suggested a book (I Kissed Dating Goodbye) so I went home and began reading it and there it was: the Scripture passage Matthew 5:27, 28. “Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” I believe the Lord used this to save my soul!
I went and got out a Bible a guy at work had given me and read it over and over and just wept and pondered in my mind and heart that I was headed straight for hell, because I was thinking I was a good person! I was even confessing I was a Christian but was living with my boyfriend in an adulterous relationship. I went to him and showed him what God’s Word said about what we were doing. He didn’t receive it well and yelled, “You are taking this way too serious. God doesn’t mean that. It is what you see it as!”
I am certain my conscience was bearing witness to the Scripture and it was clear. I could not get enough of God’s Word! I told my boyfriend to move out since we couldn’t live this way. I loved my Lord! The hard part was that I loved this man and saw a future with him but he moved out, lived with his mom, and continued his life without me. I sold the house we had lived in for two years together and lived with my dad and stepmom while focusing on my devotion to the Lord.
I started going to church where my dad was attending; a very easy-believism/seeker church. I continued on for about six months, growing in my faith, and praying for the Lord to show my boyfriend that we needed to be married and to work all of this mess out. What I should have been praying for was that the Lord would save him. In my naivety, I thought he was saved. However, the Lord showed me my error when I got a phone call from him. He wanted to share something with me in person. So I agreed, and he came to my dad’s house.
We talked for a long time about what God had revealed to him about his wicked adulteress heart. He came to me in complete humility asking my forgiveness and that he was ready to live a changed life for the Lord. To my complete surprise, he got down on one knee and asked me for my hand in marriage. We were married five months later.
God has been so faithful to our blessed marriage. He has grown our faith tremendously and is continuing to do so. John MacArthur’s commentary was in my dad’s library so we listened to years of sound doctrine that delivered us from false teachings and shepherded our hungry hearts for truth! God is still using him in our lives today. I am so thankful for godly influential men and women feeding us younger sheep discernment and to persevere in truth!
God has graciously given us five children to love and point to Him. We still cannot believe how He saved us and brought us together (we met at a skating rink). Oh and that He saved us before marriage and had children! My children range in age from two to eleven. I have the joy of staying home and raising/teaching them at home all truly for God’s glory. We don’t do television (well, I should say cable; we pick and choose video for entertainment); we do have a couple laptops, one for the business and the other for homeschool. My husband has a black berry, and thanks to my mother-in-law to keep us up to date (sort of) bought me an LG smartphone; which I am still trying to figure out how to use – ha ha ha!
We love our landline! I do not have call waiting! I am not really on Facebook. I set up something a few years ago for my husband’s business but never stuck with it to know how to do anything on it, except what others tell me. (Lori: I told her how to get to The Transformed Wife page!) I don’t know what twitter is (it’s probably something else by now); Instagram looks kind of neat, but don’t do that. One really nice feature I like on my phone is the GPS; I don’t have to break the map out. I think the Kindle is a great idea for ones who love to read while traveling. I love to read books, but there is something I like about turning pages and holding a book too. So much wonderful technology can be used for the good, I am convinced of that. However, so much of it seems to be destructive to our depraved culture we live in. My mom tells me I should have been born in the pioneer days and I have another friend who calls me “Andy Griffiths’s daughter.” 🙂
Country is in my roots, real country music too: I do find myself romanticizing the past or what it would be like to live back then. I live in a very quaint little house in the country with three and a half acres, soon to have chickens and a thriving garden. We have a lot of time outside with our children and our Golden Retriever. There is always laughter, running, swinging, splitting wood, cutting grass, working in the garage, riding bicycles, and just loving the great outdoors God has given us to enjoy! Inside, there is always baking going on with healthy organic foods, sewing projects, cleaning, teaching, learning, training, lovingly disciplining, etc. My heart is troubled and silenced with the amount of women who put education up on HIGH! I stand there listening and not knowing what to say. I usually remain silent. We are living our lives in a way that Scriptures defines as holy living. We are to encourage our daughters to be keepers at home. Why is it not honorable to tell your children to want and desire to be married and bear children?
I have been following your writings for the last six months or so. My dear friend told me about you. I am always sharing with her how we are always learning, she suggested that I take the time to read and be encourage from your blog “Always Learning.” So I did. I am not into blogging or have a blog. In fact, you are it! So with the best of my ability, I allow very little computer time. It is usually in the evening or at a break after lunch. I can tell you nothing has spurred me on more since Elisabeth Elliott, Martha Peace, Stuart Scott, Paul Tripp, John MacArthur’s teaching on women’s roles as your writing has. I also love a lot of the older writing from John Abbot (Mother at Home), J.C. Ryle, A.W. Pink, and Spurgeon.
I know it’s God providence that led me to your blog. I have been deeply drawn to you and your teachings of the Scriptures! The Lord is allowing you to minister to me in a way no other godly woman has. You have drawn me closer to the Lord in my role as a wife and mother than any other woman. I have prayed for many years that I would have a godly Titus 2 example in my life. Well, sadly to say there hasn’t been one. Where are they!? The older godly women are into their desires (careers, being busy with countless church activities, and promoting higher education). Needless to say, I was distraught and discourage.
We are living our lives in a way that Scriptures defines as Holy living. Mrs. Alexander, I have to say I covet the desire for me to be your daughter (big smile)! You have helped me in so many facets I can’t begin to type them all. I finished reading “The Power of a Transformed Wife.” It has challenged me like no other book. You are spot on with Scripture and it is truly what younger women need to hear. Every church should be filled with many godly women doing what you are doing. I will continue to glean wisdom and encouragement through your writings (The Transformed Wife Blog) and be so thankful the Lord has allowed me to get to know you in a new fashioned way – the Internet!
Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.
Two weeks ago, I asked the women in the chat room to post a picture of themselves kissing their husbands. Many posted pictures of their wedding day since that was the last picture they had of them kissing. The last picture Ken and I had of us kissing was on our wedding day thirty-six years ago, so I asked him to come kiss me so I could post a picture in the chat room. Yes, it’s a bit blurry since he held the camera while I pushed the button but we enjoyed doing it!
Here’s the kiss we had on our wedding day. (No, this wasn’t our first kiss. We’d been practicing for months before!)
What do I wish an older, godly woman told this 22 year old woman on her wedding day?
Respect him as the head over you. Don’t try to change him because it will make your marriage bad. Don’t be mad at him and expect for him to chase you and tell you he’s sorry while you cry. This does nothing to draw him towards you. Quarreling does the same thing. It builds a big wall between a couple and it grows wider with each passing year. He’s your leader so respect his decisions, his ideas, goals, and opinions, even if you think he’s wrong. If you want to discuss it, do it without acting like he is wrong and you are right. State your opinion and then leave it up to him to have his own opinion or decide what to do.
Contrary to the popular opinion that husbands need respect way more than they need love, no, they need love just as much or more. Why would God tell us that the greatest commandment was to love Him and others as we love ourselves if men didn’t need love? Love is the greatest thing to build a marriage upon. Memorize 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. This is the definition of love. The Lord tells older women to teach younger women from Titus 2:4 to love their husband so love him deeply. Love him for who is and that he is a gift the Lord has given you. Tell him you love him often. Show him you love him by smiling every time you see him. Laugh with him and enjoy him. Enjoy your time of intimacy with him and have it as often as he wants. This helps keep him close to you.
Don’t listen to the negative things other say about him. Defend him instead. Don’t allow your feelings and emotions to rule your life. Be in the Word consistently and allow it to rule your life and actions. Take every thought captive to the obedience of the Lord. Be kind and a blessing to your husband. If something is bothering you about him, take it to the Lord first and then, gently tell him once. Then give it to the Lord. Don’t make a mountain out of a mole hill by dwelling on it for a long time and getting angrier and angrier, then blasting him with it. No, keep giving it to the Lord and every time a negative thought comes into your mind, just kick it out and think about something good.
Continue to notice all the good about him and what drew you to him in the first place and make sure to get a lot more pictures of the two of you kissing than we did! Be a wise woman who builds her husband up. May your husband agree with King David about you:
Let thy fountain be blessed:
and rejoice with the wife of thy youth.
Recently I came across the photo on the left and did a double take. The girl in that photo, with her hollow eyes and hopeless heart, no longer bears any resemblance to me. She was dead in her sin (Eph. 2:1). (To be clear, I am not saying everyone who looks like the girl on the left is dead in sin, or that everyone who looks like the girl on the right is not. Spiritual reality runs far deeper.)
I was always the type to push boundaries. Even as a child, I never really had a moderate pace. I tried everything once but most things at least twice for my own curiosity. Growing up in a small town, there wasn’t much to do, and I acted out often. In high school, I met my need for attention by constantly “going against the grain,” but in a way that maintained my popularity. I partied, slept around, and by 15 I came out as a lesbian to some friends.
By the time I was a young adult, I fully embraced the LGBT label. I cut my hair short, wore boy clothes, and used men’s bathrooms and dressing rooms. I enjoyed the thrill of doing and being what was outside the norm—trying harder drugs, exploring even more taboo sexual acts, and getting a couple of regrettable tattoos.
By 22, I had settled down a little. Shock value, though still something I enjoyed, was a lower priority. While still smoking weed and having sex with women, I maintained an outward appearance of morality. I considered myself a good person; I worked full-time, loved my friends, and usually balanced my budget. Family relationships were improving, and I was finally attempting to lead a relatively respectable life.
Surprised by Attributes
In March 2014, a group of coworkers started a Bible study and invited me to join. Because my aunt was part of the group, I agreed to participate. I actually considered myself a Christian at that point, though I had no desire to read God’s Word, let alone conform my life to his will. I told myself that at the first mention of my “lifestyle” I’d quit the study, and I felt pretty confident that moment would come.
The book we studied was on the attributes of God. For the first time I was confronted by the justice, holiness, and sovereignty of God. The more I read and understood, the bigger God became and the smaller I felt. I knew what the Bible said about homosexuality and other things, but I hadn’t cared before. I had little understanding of the God I was sinning against.
This study was slowly shifting my perspective. I would catch myself, just before falling asleep, questioning who I was and why I made these choices. I asked myself, Am I sure that gay behavior is as much of my identity as my gender or my race? But I’d wake up and laugh and say, Of course you can embrace your homosexuality—that’s who you are! It felt like I was almost convincing myself it was okay to continue on that way.
Two weeks later, a friend (also a lesbian) waited for me at my apartment after work to smoke marijuana and hang out as usual. After we smoked, I asked her, “What if they’re right?” She knew I was doing the study and understood immediately what I meant and said, “I don’t want to talk about it.” I pushed further. “We have to. If this is true, we need to talk now and not later.” She left soon after, so I picked up my book and read.
That evening, I read a chapter describing a “salad bar religion,” where you pick and choose parts of different religions, combine them into one, and call that your belief system. The book made clear that such an approach isn’t following Jesus at all; that’s following yourself and calling it some other name. I realized I was doing just that. I believed the parts of the Bible that suited me but rejected the parts that didn’t. His Word wasn’t my guide or a light to my path; I merely claimed Christianity because I had grown up in the South and prayed occasionally.
‘Such Were Some of You’
This realization was like being struck by lightning. I searched for verses on homosexuality and found 1 Corinthians 6:9–10. I’d read these and other verses like them before. I’d argued against them to those who opposed me, but suddenly I could no longer argue. It was clear. I was in the “will not enter the kingdom of God” lineup. I was lost, wretched, and blatantly opposed to him. But the next verse said, “And such were some of you” (1 Cor. 6:11). Clearly, the Lord could save me. He’d extended his hand to me, the worst of sinners (1 Tim. 1:15). I grasped his hand by faith, and I felt overwhelmingly awful and grateful. Although I’d ignored him and lived foolishly, he showed me mercy when I deserved nothing but justice.
My whole life changed that day. Homosexual practice and drug use were my most obvious sins, but there are many others he revealed and—continues to reveal—to me. I still battle same-sex attraction, pride, anger, and a slew of sins, but I trust he’ll complete the work he’s begun (Phil. 1:6). He’s also allowed me to be a wife, and one day, Lord willing, a mother. Two months ago—on the two-year anniversary of my conversion—I married the most Christlike man I’ve ever known.
The Lord has been so gracious to me. I’m grateful that he opened my eyes and saved me from the temporal and eternal consequences of my sins. He takes the worst of the worst and redeems them for his glory.
Hallelujah! What a Savior!
Written By Charles Spurgeon
Let us today go down to Bethlehem, and in company with wondering shepherds and adoring Magi, let us see him who was born King of the Jews, for we by faith can claim an interest in him, and can sing, “Unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given.” Jesus is Jehovah incarnate, our Lord and our God, and yet our brother and friend; let us adore and admire.
Let us notice at the very first glance his miraculous conception. It was a thing unheard of before, and unparalleled since, that a virgin should conceive and bear a Son. The first promise ran thus, “The seed of the woman,” not the offspring of the man. Since venturous woman led the way in the sin which brought forth Paradise lost, she, and she alone, ushers in the Regainer of Paradise.
Our Saviour, although truly man, was as to his human nature the Holy One of God. Let us reverently bow before the holy Child whose innocence restores to manhood its ancient glory; and let us pray that he may be formed in us, the hope of glory. Fail not to note his humble parentage.
His mother has been described simply as “a virgin,” not a princess, or prophetess, nor a matron of large estate. True the blood of kings ran in her veins; nor was her mind a weak and untaught one, for she could sing most sweetly a song of praise; but yet how humble her position, how poor the man to whom she stood affianced, and how miserable the accommodation afforded to the new-born King!
Immanuel, God with us in our nature, in our sorrow, in our lifework, in our punishment, in our grave, and now with us, or rather we with him, in resurrection, ascension, triumph, and Second Advent splendour.
And she shall bring forth a son, and thou shalt call his name JESUS:
for he shall save his people from their sins.
Most everyone loves desserts but sugar is bad for everyone. It is the cause of most diseases and plays havoc on the gut. A healthy gut is needed to be healthy. My sister, Alisa, took an intensive health class that lasted almost a year. She has found great recipes to build up and nourish our bodies instead of tearing them down. Most everyone, however, loves a sweet once in a while so she told me about this chocolate candy recipe that is delicious; even my grandchildren love it.
Coconut oil is very good for us so I have tried to get it into my diet and this is the best way I have found. I buy my supplies at Trader Joes, Costco, and online.
1 cup organic coconut oil
1 cup raw organic cacao powder
1/4 cup raw organic honey, maple syrup, or coconut sugar
1/2 cup organic cacao nibs
1 cup organic peanut butter or 1 cup pumpkin seeds (or any mixture of nuts)
(My favorite is 1/2 cup peanut butter and 1/2 cup properly prepared walnuts.)
1 teaspoon vanilla
Melt coconut oil in a glass bowl over a small pan with simmering water in it. Put everything in the blender and mix it well. It needs a strong blender. Pour on parchment paper that is on a large cookie sheet and spread it around. Put it in the freezer for an hour or so, then break it off into pieces. Store it in the freezer in plastic bag but I doubt it will last long!
It’s great with peanut butter and maple syrup. My grandchildren love it but I decided to make it the even healthier way since peanut butter is not that good for you. I used raw honey and pumpkin seeds that are properly prepared for better digestion. I loved this too and feel absolutely NO guilt eating it knowing that they are perfectly healthy for me!
For he satisfies the longing soul,
and fills the hungry soul with goodness.
Danish philosopher Soren Kierkegaard told a parable about why God did what He did to show us His love.
Imagine there was a King who loved a humble maiden. She had no royal pedigree, no education, no standing in the royal court. She dressed in rags. She lived in a hovel; she lived the ragged life of a peasant. But for reasons no one could quite figure out, the King fell in love with this girl in the way the kings sometimes do. Why he should love her was beyond explaining, but love her he did, and he could not stop loving her.
One day there awoke in the heart of the King an anxious thought: “How in the world is he going to reveal his love to this girl? How could he bridge the chasm that separated the two of them?” His advisers, of course, told him that all he had to do was command her to become his queen, and it would be done. For he was a man of immense power, every statesman feared his wrath, every foreign power trembled before him, and every courtier groveled in the dust at the King’s voice.
This poor peasant girl would have no power to resist; she would have to become the queen!
But power, even unlimited power, cannot command love. The King could force her body to be present in the palace, but he could not force love to be present in her heart. He might be able to gain her obedience this way but coerced submission is not what he wanted. He longed for intimacy of heart and oneness of spirit, and all the power in the world cannot unlock the human heart—it must be opened from within.
So he met with his advisers once again and they suggested he try to bridge the chasm by elevating her to his position. He could shower her with gifts, dress her in purple and silk, and have her crowned the queen. But if he brought her to his palace, if he radiated the sun of his magnificence over her, if she saw all the wealth, pomp, and power of his greatness, then she would be overwhelmed. How would he ever know if she loved him for himself, or for all that he had given her? And how could she know that he loved her, and would love her still if she had remained only a humble peasant? Would she be able to summon confidence enough never to remember what the king only wished to forget—that he was the king and she had been a humble maiden?
Every alternative he came up with came to nothing. There was only one way. So one day the king arose, took off his crown, relinquished his scepter, laid aside his royal robes, and he took upon himself the life of a peasant. He dressed in rags, scratched out a living in the dirt, groveled for food, and dwelt in hovel.
He did not just take on the outward appearance of a servant, he became a servant–it was his actual life, his actual nature, his actual burden. He became as ragged as the one he loved so that she could be his forever. It was the only way. His raggedness became the very signature of his presence.
And the Word was made flesh, and dwelt among us,
and we beheld his glory, the glory as of the only begotten of the Father,
full of grace and truth.
Proverbs 31:12 tells us that a godly wife does her husband good and not evil. Some synonyms for good are excellent, favorable, marvelous, positive, superb, valuable, and wonderful. Some antonyms for good (bad = what a godly wife doesn’t want to be known for) are disagreeable, unacceptable, unhelpful, worthless, mean, noxious, rotten, unreliable, vicious, vile, and unvirtuous. Do you do your husband good or evil?
She builds up his home, instead of tearing it down.
She speaks respectfully to him, instead of being disrespectful towards him through her actions and words.
She is joyful, instead of complaining.
She takes good care of her children, instead of scrolling through Facebook, playing on her iPhone, and watching TV, thus neglecting her children.
She speaks highly of him to others, instead of tearing him down.
She is a student of God’s Word, instead of her Bible gathering dust.
She submits to her husband’s leadership, instead of lording it over him.
She speaks words of kindness to him, instead of being cruel towards him.
She is cheerful and laughs with him, instead of at him.
She does not deprive him sexually, instead of doing it when she feels like it.
She is modest in her clothing, instead of being sensual and turning on other women’s husbands.
She has a gentle and quiet spirit, instead of being harsh and loud.
She loves to stay home and keep it clean and tidy, instead of running here and there and neglecting her home duties.
She dwells on the lovely and the good, instead of having no discretion with what she thinks about and watches.
She loves and sacrifices for him, instead of being selfish and only caring for herself.
I can tell you from personal experience, you will be much happier when you are doing your husband good instead of evil.
She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.