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Month: October 2018

Has Feminism Made Women Better or Happier?

Has Feminism Made Women Better or Happier?

Has feminism made women better or happier? “The feminist movement taught women to see themselves as victims of an oppressive patriarchy…Self-imposed victimhood is not a recipe for happiness” (Phyllis Schlafly). Feminists have made men the enemy and see men as the oppressors who are keeping them from their full potential and ultimate happiness. After all, men used to be the ones who had most of the jobs, made the money and were in positions of authority. This looked so much better to women: to leave their family each day to seek the happiness that was eluding them. “Oppressive patriarchy” became the battle cry to convince women of their self-imposed victimhood and a search to settle the score, even if it meant walking into a harder, stress-filled life that most husbands were trying to protect their wives from.

 In a recent article written by a female retired college professor, Victoria Brown tells of a time when she was screaming at her husband over all of the evils men bring into this world: “In the centuries of feminist movements that have washed up and away, good men have not once organized their own mass movement to change themselves and their sons or to attack the mean-spirited, teasing, punching thing that passes for male culture. Not once. B****. Don’t listen to me. Listen to each other. Talk to each other. Earn your power for once.”

So “good men have not once organized their own mass movement to change themselves…”? Judaism, Christianity, and many of the world’s religions were started by men and carried forward by men to help civilize the world. The Magna Carta, Democracy, and Bill of Rights are just a few of the most recent accomplishments of men making men and women better. Many wars were fought by organized men wanting righteousness: the Civil War to free the slaves and two World Wars to save the world from evil, tyrannical men. Modern day management has been organized by men to improve leaders and employees as team players. Christian colleges, as the seat of learning almost all developed by men for the benefit of men and women but now turned into costly, liberal bastions. Police forces, regulators, FBI – all organized by men to help men and women be fair and civilized towards one another.

One really has to ask, “Dr. Brown, is there really anything that women have organized to make women better as we see what an utter failure feminism is as it streaks towards greater extremes? Are women more gentle, more civil, more committed to faithfulness, and family? Has the free sex of feminism really achieved anything good for women but for a few moments of pleasure and massive heartaches and STD’s?” I have never seen women as mean-spirited as they are today, especially with those with whom they disagree.

No, Dr. Brown, feminism isn’t a women’s mass movement that has changed women for good or made them better and certainly no happier. Yes, women can now vote, have any job they want, get equal pay, and the insanity to abort their child at almost any stage of their unborn baby’s life. But take a look at the women’s marches, mean-spirited speeches, screaming, and dressing up in vagina costumes,then tell me if feminism has not set women back thousands of years in civilization. Feminism has made women far worse as it pushes selfishness while devaluing women’s bodies with immodesty, promiscuity, easy sex, and murdering or neglecting the lives of their own children. Mothers of old would be flabbergasted to see the modern feminist woman.

Women are leaving their children in the care of strangers so they can go off and “pursue their dreams and goals.” Marriages are falling apart at alarming rates and children’s lives are often shortchanged, all the while women are starting to display the very traits in men Dr. Brown so greatly despises. In many cases, instead of having more to offer society, women are leaving their role of mother and wife that only they can adequately fill, to replace a man who can do what they do in the workforce. They come home too tired to adequately care for themselves or family, but somehow this is seen as progress and self-betterment?

If Dr. Brown thinks there is no mass movement that has changed men, she has not been around Christians.  I know many men who are none of those things she claims them to be. My dad, my husband, my sons, my brothers-in-law, my many friend’s husbands and sons, my cousins and their sons, the men in my neighborhood, and most men are not “mean-spirited, teasing, punching things.” Many of these men were raised in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord and were taught His ways: to love God, love others, and treat others better than themselves. A majority of these men she hates are out busting their tails so that their families are well cared for, yet even then many of their wives are not happy. Like Victoria, many women are angry with “men” yet they have forgotten and neglected the one man who loves them enough to stick with their antics and thoughtless screaming. These women are angry because someone has planted a lie in their heads that says, “But what about me?” when everyone of us should be saying, “Life is not about me but what I can do for others.”

No, feminists and their rage aren’t going to accomplish anything good. Screaming at your good husband isn’t going to accomplish this either, Victoria. Is this not the exact behavior you are accusing men of doing? Temper tantrums need to be stopped in children so they don’t continue happening in adulthood as we are seeing in many today. The more women excuse their rage by blaming men, the more they become exactly what they claim they want to change. After all, sin and evil has no gender. It just depends on which sins one wants to count as being most evil. Talk to the manosphere and you will discover this same rage against women because of the evils women have done to husbands by leaving them hurt and broken all in the name of their own selfish freedoms and new found virtue called feminism where a woman’s power to choose trumps common goodness and faithfulness to family.

There is a better way that has held true throughout the centuries, and men under God’s direction have well organized the family unit to be that method of bettering mankind. In the family, we are to train our boys and girls to value each person as God does, and teach God’s ways of love, joy, peace, goodness, and faith. Teach the children to treat others the way they want to be treated without blaming an entire gender for all the problems in the world. It is only individual responsibility based on a minimum standard of common human decency that can keep our society together and help it progress. This is not going to happen, Dr. Brown, by everyone screaming at each other, but instead by seeing that goodness and evil are choices each person makes, so train the foolishness out of your children (Proverbs 22:15), dear women.

Dr.  Brown’s idea of an improved society is to get men to organize themselves for betterment, yet feminism has all but destroyed the greatest betterment program ever called the family. Mom and dad getting along and showing by way of example to the children how they should unselfishly live in a selfish and immoral world. We should be training children in the way they should go and continually teaching them the wonderful precepts of the Lord and who they are in Christ. If you want to create a mass movement that ends in making men and women better, stop destroying the one place where common human decency and love can be best trained, the family. A whole, healthy family with dad at the helm and mom closely following as each lives sacrificially is what betters our culture.

I love the men in my life and I know many others who feel the same way. Without men in this world it would be sorry place, and if they were not filled with testosterone we would not have the bridges, buildings, trains, planes, computers, and cell phones, and many more things that we have today. Let’s stop trying to turn our men into something they are not. And let’s stop turning women into something they are not designed to be either. Stop the stream of screaming and hate towards the other gender and start talking about the reality that we need both sexes to be just the way God created them to be within His roles for each gender. Our culture is desperate for husbands and wives who love each other and are committed to raising well-behaved, mature children who grow up to lead unselfish lives. This is the best betterment movement for all cultures.

Follow peace with all men, and holiness, without which no man shall see the Lord.
Hebrews 12:14

When NOT to Obey an Older Woman

When NOT to Obey an Older Woman

There was a woman’s journals I read years ago. She was an older, godly woman who I greatly admired. She had many children and raised them in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. Her children were all growing up to walk in Truth. BUT she was adamant about mothers co-sleeping with their children and nursing their babies on demand. In fact, they usually had four children in their bedroom, two in their bed and two on the floor. She said children wouldn’t suck their thumb or need a pacifier if you nursed them whenever they wanted and this is the way it should be! She wrote that those who didn’t co-sleep and nurse on demand were bad mothers and seemed to imply that they were in sin.

Well, I didn’t co-sleep nor nurse on demand and I knew I wasn’t a bad mother or sinning. Just because she taught this strongly and said how important these things were didn’t sway me. I don’t think mothers who choose to co-sleep or those who don’t co-sleep are being bad mothers. If they are co-sleeping against their husband’s wishes, then they are disobeying their husbands and being bad wives. I don’t think mothers who nurse on demand or those who have their babies on a schedule are bad mothers. I don’t even think those who give their babies formulas are bad mothers UNLESS it’s simply for convenience sake since nursing is much healthier for babies. Even then, I would still have a hard time calling them a bad mother. I would say they weren’t doing what is best for their child.

The problem I have with all of these issues is how cruel women can be to those who hold positions different than theirs. These aren’t salvation issues. They aren’t even biblical commands! There is NO verse that states you must co-sleep with your children. (We sure didn’t! We couldn’t sleep with our children in our bed and sleep was way more important to us than co-sleeping.) There is no verse that states you must nurse on demand or not allow your baby to cry it out or how long to nurse. No, all of these are freedoms that each mother and father get to decide on their own. Yes, I have my opinions on these issues but I sure don’t mind if others hold different opinions.

What can happen if an older woman teaches that part of “loving your children” is co-sleeping with them? Then mothers who aren’t co-sleeping feel guilty, go home, and tell their husbands that they are going to co-sleep for now on since this older woman said they must in order to love their children. This isn’t the way it works, women. Decisions such as this one must be okay’d by the husbands or they shouldn’t be done. Some women co-sleep against their husbands’ wishes and use it conveniently as a way to deprive her husband sexually. She is disobeying God on two counts now. She is disobeying her husband and depriving him sexually (1 Corinthians 7:5).

Everything you are taught to do, compare it with scripture. If it is not in the Word of God, then discuss it with your husband. Give your reasoning for choosing to do something and then let him decide the matter. This is submitting to your husband in everything as you are commanded to do! Even older women can be wrong at times. Always check scripture and talk it over with your husband. Yes, please do this even with things I teach you. A much more important part of loving your children rather than co-sleeping and nursing on demand is by loving your children’s father, obeying him, and putting him first.

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Ephesians 5:24

Where is a Mother’s True Mission Field?

Where is a Mother’s True Mission Field?

Instead of God’s Word causing conviction in many women’s lives, it most often causes them to feel shame and offense. Women who truly love God and His ways aren’t offended by any of His commands! His Word causes conviction and changes behavior in their lives.

Here is a comment I recently received by a woman on one of my posts about being a keeper at home. “I am a godly woman/mom and God blessed me with the gift of teaching. I became a teacher. And, my students became my mission field. I find your articles hurtful and guilt-ridden. This hurts my heart.”

I was blessed with the gift of teaching as well. In fact, I went to college and received my teaching credential. I worked the first two years of my oldest child’s life. I was absolutely exhausted! I felt like I wasn’t a good, wife, or mother. I have asked women who were raised by mothers who were teachers and they felt their mothers gave their all to their students and had little left for them. We weren’t created to hold a full-time job on top of being a wife and mother. Something or someone always suffers.

I asked the women in the chat room how they would respond to this woman. Here are their answers:

 “If she truly feels that this is God’s calling for her, why does she feel guilty?” (Kylene)

“I would simply say, ‘My intention is to share what the Word says. What I teach is not merely my opinion, but God’s clear teachings.’ She isn’t hurt by you. She’s hurt by her own disobedience. Pray she repents and submits to His Word.” (Paige)

“The guilt she is feeling is likely the Holy Spirit. God’s truth is sharper than a two-edged sword. Don’t let Satan use these pathos arguments to dull your ministry. It’s too important!” (Guisel)

 “I think as godly women we are called to serve our families first. She may feel that her students are her ‘mission field’ but this is at the cost of her family. If she is feeling hurt and guilt, I would encourage her to think further about why she is feeling this way.” (Alicia)

 “Teaching other people’s children can be a good thing, but not when you leave your own children to do it. Our first and most important mission field is our own children. We have to prioritize the children specifically entrusted to our care by God. God holds us directly responsible for them. I was also gifted to be a teacher, but God gave me that gift primarily so that I can teach my own children. That is the proper place for my gift to be used.” (Lindsay)

“She should be teaching her own children. Her OWN CHILDREN should be her mission field. She has abandoned her post. No mother should be able to, in good conscience, trade the well-being of her own children to pursue her own gifts. This is why she feels guilty. God might have given her this gift and that is WONDERFUL but it isn’t being used for the kingdom if it’s being used outside his perfect will. She may feel ‘hurt’ but feelings are not the truth. What’s really happening here is conviction.” (Sarah)

“Too many women are looking for a mission field because they don’t think the one God gave them is enough. ‘Mission field’ is also the term used to excuse sending children into secular schools. I think it’s become a common excuse to spiritualize unspiritual choices.” (Tammy)

And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up.
Deuteronomy 11:19

Dating is the Breeding Ground For Fornication

Dating is the Breeding Ground For Fornication

Modern dating is simply another name for sexual immorality and has damaged the institution of marriage which requires faithfulness and commitment. It leads to divorce and devastation instead. In an article I read recently, a man who is not a believer says that dating is a failure and doesn’t work to find a life partner. (I will not link to it because of the bad language in it and I do not agree with what he believes.) He says the only good part about dating is that it is great for finding short-term sexual partners. The women give him sex by the first to third date. Yes, he enjoys it for the short term but thinks about how many other guys she has had sex with then realizes that she isn’t marriage material. He would rather remain single than marry a woman who has been sexually promiscuous with many men.

A curious thought seeing that he, too, has slept with so many women outside of marriage. Dating for sex cheapens the marriage bed for both parties and defrauds their future spouses. Unfortunately, the Church isn’t doing much better than the culture in the dating and marriage arena. Many young Christian couples are living together before marriage and the divorce rate is still way too high among Christians.

Dating isn’t a great invention. Allowing two members of the opposite sex to go out and spend hours alone together without any accountability is a recipe for disaster. When kissing begins, the motors start to rev up. Kobe Bryant was asked when his daughter could start dating and he replied, “She can date when she’s married.” Dating has led to many harmful things like STDs which can cause sterility, alcoholism, selfishness, broken hearts, and on and on the list goes. None of these things prepare the young people for marriage, faithfulness, or commitment.

One woman in the chat room had this to say about dating: “Modern dating is not only a breeding ground for sexual immorality, but also heartbreak. I am beyond thankful that when I reached the age where I was ready to ‘date’ I knew that it was important to do so intentionally and with marriage in mind. My first boyfriend ended up being my husband!

“My philosophy for dating was first to guard my heart (Proverbs 4:23). My husband and I set boundaries (physical and emotional) from the very beginning. We also wanted to be poured into by older, wise believers who had walked the road we were walking. We surrounded ourselves with wise counsel. I’m blessed to have parents who walk with the Lord and were very involved in this process as well. We were (and still are) friends with couples that were older and wiser than us. In hindsight, there are boundaries that I think I would change if I could do it over again (I don’t think I would have even kissed him before marriage), but overall I think our intentions were in the right place.

“I think it is unwise to spend lots of time alone with one another in private. That just breeds temptation. It would be wiser to get to know one another in groups or with family/friends nearby. Of course, there are private conversations that may need to be had before marriage, but that could easily be done over the phone or in a public place like a restaurant or coffee shop.

“One thing I tell Christian girls who are dating and ask me about boundaries is that I would rather be overly caution with boundaries than under cautious and end up in sin. Sexual sin is a sin that the Bible tells us to FLEE from. We shouldn’t be asking, ‘How far can I go?’ or ‘How close can I get to the line without going over it.’ We should be asking, ‘How can I best glorify God in this?’ and ‘How can I strive towards holiness in this?’ There is plenty of time in marriage to explore sexual intimacy and get to know one another’s bodies, so save this for where God intended it to be.”

In regards to this man’s article that I referred to at the beginning, I have no answers for him. When there’s no moral foundation like Jesus Christ and godly principles to live one’s life by, everyone sets up their own moral standards which change over time. I feel badly for culture at large and what has happened to the marriage institution when in times past, most couples, even unbelievers, married out of high school and would remain married until death do they part. No, they might not have been “happily married” but they knew about faithfulness and commitment which marriage is truly about.

It’s a huge blessing to be married for many years (almost 39 years now). It’s a blessing to raise children together and enjoy the tremendous blessing that grandchildren bring. No, I don’t think that modern dating is healthy nor good. It provides way too much sexual temptation so while raising your children, you are going to need to talk to them a lot, teach them the truth of God’s Word and what He expects of them since His ways are perfect, and set boundaries with their protection in mind. If you have trained and disciplined them well, and they respect and love you, they will appreciate the boundaries and be protected from the modern day dating scene.

Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
1 Corinthians 6:18

Are You a Foolish or a Wise Woman?

Are You a Foolish or a Wise Woman?

In James 3:14-17, we are clearly shown what a foolish and wise woman looks like. Unfortunately, there are many foolish women in our world. They don’t know God nor do they want to worship Him. They want to be their own god, make up their own rules, and live life as they please. They will even twist scripture so they can do what they want instead of obey God.

“But if ye have bitter envying and strife in your hearts, glory not, and lie not against the truth. This wisdom descendeth not from above, but is earthly, sensual, devilish. For where envying and strife is, there is confusion and every evil work.”

Foolish women have “bitter envying” as James refers to it. When I show a picture of my bathtub on Instagram, they will comment, “I sure can’t afford a bathtub like that!” There is a ton of bitter envying among women today. “They lust and have not.” This is why God commands that we be content with such things as we have. If you have bitter envying over someone else’s looks, weight, husband, home, health, or even their bathtub, you are a foolish woman.

Foolish women cause “strife.” They enjoy slandering others and causing contention among people. There is little peace in their homes. They tear down their homes with their own hands by insisting on being right and getting their own way. They refuse to live in submission to their husband’s leadership but instead, try to forcefully take control.

Foolish women are “earthly.” Earthly pertains to things of this earth and includes things that are vile and mean. They are of the worldly kingdom and not the heavenly kingdom so they only live for the here and now and what they can get for themselves. Their “glory is in their shame” (Philippians 3:19). They store their treasures on earth instead of in heaven. They are friends of the world and enemies of God. They dress and act in a way that pleases themselves, not the Lord.

Foolish women are “sensual.” They are “devoted to the gratification of sense; given to the indulgence of the appetites” according to the 1828 Webster Dictionary. They give into all of their appetites regardless of the harm they do to themselves and others. They dress sexy and turn other wives’ husbands on. They give into their gluttony, alcoholism, and fornication while think nothing of it.

Foolish women are devilish. “Partaking of the qualities of the devil; diabolical; very evil and mischievous; malicious.” They are not the kind of women you want to be around because they enjoy causing destruction. They are Satan’s agents and doing his work which is characteristic of Jezebel in the Bible.

Foolish women cause “confusion and every evil work.” Do you want to know why our culture is in such a mess? Foolish women have destroyed the family by not being content in the role that the Lord gave them but instead sought after men’s roles, thus destroying marriages and children. This has caused confusion on every level in our culture from the government down to the family. Children are being taught they can decide what sex they want to be! I am not sure what can be more confusing and evil than this.

Wise women are pure, peaceable, gentle, easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits without partiality, without hypocrisy, and humble (James 3:17). “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies” (Proverbs 31:10). Wise women like this are rare indeed. They abstain from all appearance of evil. They rid their homes of it. They pursue peace with all men. They are gentle with people knowing that we all have struggles thus showers mercy and grace upon them.

They aren’t leaders or teachers in the churches. No, they are quiet and learn in all submission. They dress modestly and adorn themselves with good works and in submission to their husbands. They love bearing children and raising them, if they are able, while being keepers at home. They love their God-given role and are thankful to be a woman. They have no desire to compete with or be like men. They want to be feminine women who love their Lord and Savior by obeying Him and living for Him.

Who is a wise man and endued with knowledge among you? let him shew out of a good conversation his works with meekness of wisdom.
James 3:13

Married Christian Couples Deciding Not to Have Children

Married Christian Couples Deciding Not to Have Children

Is it sinful for married Christian couples to decide they are not going to have children if there are no medical or health problems? Yes, I believe that it definitely is sinful since God commands young women to “marry, bear children, and guide the home” (1 Timothy 5:14). Therefore, if they intentionally decide not to have children, they are disobeying this command. God also commanded His children to be fruitful and multiply and tells us that a man who has a quiverful is blessed. Before birth control, all Christian couples who were able to have children had children and the Church taught against birth control for many years after it became available in America. The Church clearly knew that children were a blessing and to be treasured as such.

Some don’t believe it’s a sin if Christian couples don’t have children. My question to them would be: Is it okay for all Christian couples to not have children then? (No one has answered me with a yes or no on this one when I’ve asked.) Of course it’s not okay for all Christian couples to not have children when one of the main reasons God gives for getting married is to be one flesh and out of becoming one flesh, children are conceived. God is the One who created sex and it is good when saved only for the marriage bed to bring pleasure and to bear children.

The only way that married couples can decide to permanently not have children is to use birth control or abstain completely (which is not biblical according to 1 Corinthians 7:5). Please study the roots of birth control and the desire to eliminate the black population. (Study specifically Margaret Sanger) Hint: birth control has evil roots and is not from God. Birth control has eventually led to the slaughtering of millions of unborn babies and the devaluing of children’s lives. Many mothers don’t even want to raise their own children anymore. They prefer their careers instead.

God’s will for most believers is marriage, sex, and children. They all go together and are intertwined. He created them all and they are good. Divorcing sex from children has been catastrophic for our culture. Birth control gave way to sex anytime with anyone and couples deciding to not have children or having children out of wedlock. God’s formula is marriage + sex = children, but many in our culture, even Christians unfortunately, don’t understand the value of children in God’s economy. Many put off having children or decide not to have children.

We, as believers in Jesus Christ, should fully support accepting children into our families. They are gifts and blessings. One of God’s purposes is for us to raise godly offspring. Sex should never be divorced from bearing children. Yes, child bearing is difficult but we are not promised an easy life without suffering. Our lives here on this planet are short and need to be lived to bring God glory. Bearing and raising children for Him bring Him glory.

 Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.
Psalm 127:3-5

*If you have never read the book The Way Home by Mary Pride, I encourage you to read it!

Taking a Road Less Traveled

Taking a Road Less Traveled

Written By Emily at Blessed Homemaking

Dear Mothers at Home,

In our current times, we must be aware that this road we have chosen–the path to raise our daughters to be homemakers–is a road less traveled. Many years ago, it was common, and normal, to raise daughters to be keepers at home. The expectation was not that your daughters would be going off to college when they finished their other schooling. The assumption was not that they would need, or even want, to go out and obtain employment away from their families. It was understood that daughters should be, and would be, kept under the sheltering influence of their parents until they were married and then went to be in their husband’s home.

But since the influx of feminism into our culture, and sadly even the Church, we are now met with the questions for our dear daughters, “What is she going to be when she grows up?” “Where is she going to college and what career has she chosen?” We may feel pressured to succumb to these common inquiries and feel coerced to go with the flow of modern culture. We may feel a tinge of guilt. “Am I holding my daughter back by raising her to be a homemaker?”

But we must, as with all things, return to Scripture. What does the Bible say? We know from Titus 2:3-5, that one of our duties as women is to be keepers at home. This is not a “cultural” thing that only applied “back then.” It is just as relevant today as the other virtues listed in those verses. 1 Timothy 5:14 also exhorts the younger women: “I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.”

Along with our other spiritual armor, we must take up the shield of faith every day, and remember that we are taking a road less traveled. We will face opposition. We must expect it and be ready for it. We must not take the questions and criticism to heart, but remember that we are doing what God wants us to do. We must stand strong for the principles in God’s Word and not falter under pressure. And also, we must remember that we are to be a light shining in the darkness for others. Our very example and stance may encourage others in the Church to do the same, and to realize that there is a better path for daughters than careers and college. Take heart, dear ladies, for the Lord is on our side.

Thus saith the LORD, Stand ye in the ways, and see, and ask for the old paths, where is the good way, and walk therein, and ye shall find rest for your souls.
Jeremiah 6:16

Husbands are to Be Servant Leaders?

Husbands are to Be Servant Leaders?

Written By Ken

Today’s Church teaches that a Christian husband is to be a “servant leader” to his wife, and on the surface this sounds so wonderfully spiritual. After all, was not Jesus the perfect example of being a servant leader? Unfortunately, the Church has so over-emphasized the servant aspect of a husband’s role that it has all but wiped out any leadership he may be entitled to perform in his home. Most sermons seem to focus far more on what a husband’s leadership is not to be, and what a wife’s submission is not to be, without ever addressing what it means for a husband to be a loving leader and a wife a joyful follower. Church teaching has become so watered down that we now have most Christian wives deciding if they approve of their husband’s leadership and if it is not like Jesus in their minds and feelings, his headship is disqualified.

Lori wrote out a handwritten post on this topic and posted it on Facebook trying to explain that servant leader does not mean the wife gets to use her husband as her servant by telling him regularly what he is do for her. No, she is not to become the leader and decide how the home is run and how he is to push all her right buttons while avoiding all her wrong buttons. God makes it clear that the Christian wife is to follow her husband’s leadership and she should recognize that much of his service to the family is by being a provider, protector, and leader. When the church sets up a wife to decide how a husband is to serve her, she ultimately stops trusting his leadership. It was breaking away from this awful unscriptural thinking that helped free Lori to become the wife that God’s Word asked her to be towards me.

One of the first comments from Lori’s handwritten post: “The husband is supposed to lead his family like Christ leads the church? Didn’t Christ serve the church when he laid down his life for her? Seems like servant leadership to me.”

Here’s my response to him: “The point is that a Christian husband’s approach to serving his family is often not something a wife, or others, judge properly. Christian marriage counseling often fails right at this point with the wife, often supported by the counselor, waiting for the husband to be the loving servant before a wife can follow him. Who is really leading if the one who is supposed to follow refuses to follow because she knows better or best? And hence why so many marriages are in trouble today, and back to the point of the post. A husband cannot even show he is a true servant leader to his wife because she won’t give him the opportunity of time and faithfulness to show it to her. She has set herself up as judge and jury as to what his role should look like, and to her, this does not look like Jesus washing the feet of His disciples.

“Here’s an interesting question and perspective: Besides the washing of the disciples feet and the death of Christ on the cross, can you name one other time that Jesus served his disciples? He did not offer to lower the bucket at the well, nor jump up to help Martha when she complained. I do not think breaking bread at the last supper counts, but go ahead and throw it in and tell me how much of Jesus’ leadership was about teaching, commands, admonitions and requests that he expected his disciples to keep and how much was he physically serving his disciples? By definition, does not the word ‘disciple’ mean follower? As far as we can see from God’s Word, we might find Jesus actively serving his followers five percent of the time and 95 percent serving His God-given role as Messiah and King.

“I think a husband is in a different spot than Jesus and would generally serve his wife much more than five percent, but the point is that if we are to have husbands and wives follow the model of Christ’s leadership, then the post is spot on. The Christian wife is to trust her husband and not second guess everything he does or tells her to do. She is not to assume he is not adequately serving her, especially if he is headed out to work 40-50 hours a week and puts bread and meat on the table and a roof over her head. She is to be his helper as the disciples helped Jesus, not the other way around.

“Take a good look at the life of Jesus and let’s not exaggerate who he was as the Suffering Servant and turn that into some house cleaning husband who is supposed to be like Jesus. Yes, we serve our wife and family and try to please and satisfy our wife, but if she is our follower and our helper, she is to trust the leadership of her loving husband so that true and abiding intimacy can flourish as God has designed and commanded. Unless, of course, the Suffering Servant’s commands are optional for your life. Jesus seems pretty bossy to me in the gospels, even strongly rebuking his disciples at times, yet we love his commands knowing they are best for us. If you want to see your marriage blossom, start emphasizing the leader part of the equation and stop second guessing how your good husband chooses to lead and serve you.

A wise woman wrote under Lori’s handwritten post: “Servant leadership means that he makes decisions that are best for his family. He sacrifices his time/body/finances to provide what they need and nurture them in the Lord. Not that he submits to his wife’s demands.”

I would love to hear of a Christian counselor who has the spiritual insight to say to a wife, ‘I think you could have a great relationship with your husband if you would trust him in his leadership. I know he is asking you to do some things you don’t like, but they are not sinful, and what if he is right that he indeed knows what is best for you and the family? Could it be your arguing is really about who is going to have control in your relationship? And God has already decided that for us. Can you try to joyfully follow him and see if God will bless you in your faith and family?

Be a wife who loves the Lord so much that you will walk in His Spirit trusting your husband instead of allowing your minds to regularly feel hurt that he is not doing things your way. If you are alive in Christ, you can win your husband’s love and service without a word by your godly and loving behavior towards him. This is God’s promise to wives, and that is how you can be most happy when you stop the back-seat driving, instead throwing your lives into harmony with the one you chose to love for a lifetime. Some of you have to stop being your husband’s holy spirit to allow him to show you how Jesus loves and leads. And only then will you find that your every need has been already met in Christ Jesus.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the Savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.
Ephesians 5:22-24

More Problems with Daycare

More Problems with Daycare

Last week, I wrote a post about the problems with daycare. When I saw all of the comments being made on Facebook under this post, I came up with a few more problems. For one thing and most importantly, God commands mothers be the ones to bring their children up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. Yes, this command is given to fathers but as our husband’s help meet, we are to help him in this area since we are the ones home full time with the children.

Who will train them if the children are away from their mothers all day long five days a week? Who will discipline and correct their bad behavior? Who will praise them when they choose to do the right thing? Who will read them Bible stories and point them to Jesus all throughout the day? How will they see godly womanhood modeled if they aren’t with their godly mothers full time? How will the daughters grow up wanting to be wives and mothers at home if they don’t see their own mothers doing this? They will want careers instead because this is all that is modeled to them by the world. We need more mothers at home not less. We need less career women and more mothers!

Another thing, what about the high cost of daycare? Yes, I know some in the government are trying to get “free” childcare but nothing is ever free from the government. Someone is paying for it and the higher taxes will only mean that more mothers must leave their homes to pay the higher taxes. No one wins in this situation! It will also encourage more women to work since childcare is “free.” No, providing “free” childcare is not the answer.

I was talking to a young woman recently and she said that a very nice childcare near her home costs $30,000 a year! A mother could easily stay home instead of paying this high cost. I encourage every mother who is working outside of the home to figure out exactly how much income she brings home after deducting the costs of daycare, wear and tear on the car, extra clothing, gas, food that she can’t prepare from scratch, not having time to compare prices and shop frugally, and so on. The amount that she brings home may be much less than she thinks and she may be able to find a way to live simply and frugally within her husband’s income.

On this previous post about daycare, I was accused of “mommy shaming” and judging working mothers. So not “mommy shaming” is more important to women today than teaching what is best for children? How is it “mommy shaming” and judging to teach women God’s will for them? Did you know that it’s not bad to feel shame when confronted with the truth? Instead of feeling conviction when they hear the truth being taught, they are offended and call the one teaching it judgmental and shaming. Our culture makes shame feel like a horrible thing but if it causes people to reconsider the path they are on and begin obeying God, then it’s a good thing!

If some were to tell me that at my age and with no children in the home, I should go back to teaching full time, make money, and do “something” with my life, I would feel absolutely no shame because I know I am right where I am supposed to be. If you know you are doing the right thing, then no one can make you feel any shame!

The Apostle Paul wrote about causing shame when confronting people with truth (1 Corinthians 6:5). If a mother knows she is doing the best she can do and still must work outside of the home, then she should feel no shame. Yes, she will probably still feel guilt and regret while continuing to seek the Lord in making a way for her to come home, but she will freely admit that she knows that it would be far superior to be the one home with her children rather than put them in daycare. She understands that God’s ways are best even if she can’t do them at this point in her life.

Throughout the years that I have been mentoring and teaching women, many have told me that they have gone home to be with their children. Some had no idea how they were going to make it financially but they took a step of faith and went home. They saw God’s provision every step of the way. Sometimes, their husband’s received a pay raise or a better job. Sometimes, they found a way to make money from home but how will one ever know how God will answer abundantly above anything they can ever ask or think if they never take a step of faith in the direction that He calls them to do?

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us.
Ephesians 3:20

Putting Away Our Childish Ways

Putting Away Our Childish Ways

In the first ten or so years of our marriage, I would cry if my husband did something that hurt my feelings or I didn’t like. I never do this anymore and haven’t for many years! “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things” (1 Corinthians 13:11). I no longer use my emotions and feelings to try and manipulate my husband in order to get my way, thankfully!

I asked the women in the chat room, “What is something you did in the early years of your marriage that you don’t do anymore? Actions that prove that you have put childish ways behind you?”

Maicie: “If I got mad about something I would let it effect me for days. Now sometimes I may go to bed upset (not mad and angry) but I do not allow it to carry on into the next day.”

“Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath” (Ephesians 4:26). The only things you should be angry about are sin and Satan. Yes, be angry if you find out your husband has been viewing porn but then hand it over to God and pray for your husband. Don’t get angry if he didn’t hang up his towel, help you with the children, or watches too much TV.

Sabrina: “I was beyond disrespectful to my husband. I cringe thinking about this and am now diligent about my behavior when it comes to this.”

“…and the wife see that she reverence her husband” (Ephesians 5:33).

Cassie: “I had to have everything my way. I wore the pants and totally disrespected him all the time. One of the biggest ways I have changed is that I used to ask my husband how he wanted to handle something, say a behavior issue with our son, then I would ask my mom. If her thought was different than his (which usually it was), I would do it the way my mom said and just ignore my husband’s opinion on the matter.”

“Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing” (Ephesians 5:24).

Jennifer: “I never took time for him. I always put everything before him. Now he comes first. Even if I am busy or on the middle of something, if he speaks to me, I give him all my attention.”

Sarah: “I used to leave a note for my husband when he got home from work (he works nights and has our entire married life) with all the chores I ‘needed’ him to do for me.”

“And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him” (Genesis 2:18).

Denise: “I used to argue about anything and everything that didn’t go as I wished. My husband always says he doesn’t know who I’ve been listening to about being a good wife but he sure is happy things have drastically changed. A lot of my new found wisdom comes from this page and an open heart and mind to obey God’s true meaning of my role.”

“She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life” (Proverbs 31:12).

Andrea: “That’s such an awesome testimony ❤️ if more women would take godly advice instead of arguing and getting upset. God’s way is the only perfect way and godly advice will never harm us but help us. I used to nag at him and get so upset because he did things I thought were wrong (hobbies) instead of paying attention to me 🤦🏻‍♀️ or being more ‘spiritual.’ I was a mess!”

“It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling (quarreling) woman and in a wide house” (Proverbs 25:24).

Meghan: “Thank God I’m not how I used to be but I still have way more growing to do in this area. This group has been a great help to me. Thank you all for sharing! It’s very encouraging!”

“But exhort one another daily, while it is called Today; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin” (Hebrews 3:13)

Paige: “I always found something to be angry about. I lost my temper often over little things. I didn’t appreciate him but expected him to be my servant basically.”

“A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike” (Proverbs 27:15).

Evangela: “I use to lecture him if I didn’t feel heard. I’d say the same thing over and over in a different way and just keep talking endlessly. He’d zone out, and I’d talk more. Now I just say something once and then drop it. If he doesn’t want to hear me, I’m not insulted. If I have something really important to say, I use only three or four sentences. It makes me think before I speak so I know exactly what I’m saying.”

“She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness” (Proverbs 31:26).

Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.
Proverbs 31:10