This was written by a woman who wishes to remain anonymous.

Why are we so enamored by the world’s labels and the world’s remedies? Proverbs and various other places talk about the folly, even wickedness, of trusting worldly wisdom and philosophies over God’s wisdom which begins with fear and reverence of Him.

We tend to trust people’s stories, forgetting that if it were me telling it, I’d paint myself in the best light and the other party as the wrongdoer. I’d probably neglect my part in the story since it’s harder to see. We’ve been trained to blame others for our discomfort, and we either don’t know or conveniently forget that everything is interconnected (what I do affects what he does, affects what I do, i.e. the Crazy Cycle). And when we hear a story, we think: “No way would I put up with that!” We don’t default to “What does the Bible say?” about our hearts, perspective, and behavior. We simply do not employ the rational part of our brain as God tells us to do.

I think for a great majority, we’ve also neglected studying scripture. We simply don’t know what it says on how to live. We still believe the lie that life will be easy. Much of Scripture actually talks about how to live in difficult situations and trials! And still we act wounded every time someone is unkind. We neglect the armor for our spiritual battle. God has given us protection, power, and instructions so that we can boldly live His way in all circumstances. We ought not to “neglect so great a salvation” (Hebrews 2). How we view God impacts how we view our experience here.

Many “feel” abused because they don’t wear armor. It’s NOT about the guy sinning against you! Sure, God has given us remedies that require the law for some situations (but not all things in modern law are godly responses nor even the legitimate domain of the authorities). You cannot legislate the heart, only curtail some actions resulting from it’s overflow. God has redeemed many a marriage, even those who don’t know Him, by people doing things His way by boldly trusting and acting, even from “abusive” and “narcissistic” situations. But the world’s ways do not recognize God’s power in His people, and they do not believe in redemption for any sinners, least of all abusers and narcissists. (Most don’t even believe in sin except for those two categories.).

Marriage is DESIGNED for sanctification, not primarily for your happiness. We ought to expect there to be heat as the gold is refined! Yet instead of asking: “What dross are you cleaning up here, Lord?” we grumble and complain at our discomfort. It is our attitude of trust in God and His ways that make the difference in our experience of even difficult things.

This isn’t denying that sometimes there’s true danger. But again, we neglect the scripture that says that we ought not to fear those who can kill the body but rather the one who can kill our soul, and that losing our life for His sake is to find it but in saving it we might lose it. I’m certainly not suggesting that we purposefully endanger ourselves but rather that when our priority shifts to God’s priorities, not the world’s, we’ll then get God’s results not the world’s. And I don’t mean sullen, mousy, doormat, martyrdom either, as many think “submission” is. It’s being a bold, purposeful, proactive, armored help meet!

And not only so, but we glory in tribulations also: knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.
Romans 5:3-5

***Suffering refines us and makes us more like Christ!