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Author: Lori Alexander

Sex is Basic to Marriage

Sex is Basic to Marriage

We know of some couples who are going through some very hard times and the wives refuse to be intimate with their husbands. Yes, we can try to guess what the husbands are doing wrong that the wives don’t want to have sex with them but we must still focus upon obeying God even when the other spouse is not in some areas. Most times in these situations, the wives don’t want to talk to me because they know what I will tell them, so we pray.

I read an article by a woman, who is not a Christian, entitled What Sleeping With Married Men Taught Me About Infidelity. She prefers married men because she doesn’t have to worry about the long-term emotional attachment since they have wives, children, and mortgages. She wrote, “What surprised me was that husbands weren’t looking to have more sex. They were looking to have any sex…I suppose I would hope his needs would involve fishing trips or beers with friends. But sex is basic. Physical intimacy with other human beings is essential to our health and well being. So how do we deny such a need to the one we care about most? If our primary relationship nourishes and stabilizes us but lacks intimacy, we shouldn’t have to destroy our marriage to get that intimacy somewhere else, should we?”

The answer is no. God is clear that we are not to deprive each other sexually. She found that most married men simply wanted sex and would prefer sex with their own wives. They live with them day in and day out and are attracted to their wives. This is what happens when members of the opposite sex live in the same house, dress in front of each other, and sleep in the same bed. This shouldn’t surprise women.

Men have ten times the testosterone than women and their sex drive is typically much higher than women’s. Wives need to know this so they will keep their husbands sexually satisfied at home so they won’t go elsewhere looking for it. No, the husbands shouldn’t do this but even God’s Word warns us about this. “Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency (1 Corinthians 7:5).” When wives deprive their husbands, they are opening up their husbands to be tempted by Satan. This is not good at all! We are to do nothing to cause our brothers to stumble, no, not even our husbands.

The author said these husbands didn’t tell their wives about their longing for sex and finding it elsewhere because they didn’t want to hurt their wives. The author thought the lie was worse than the affair. Most husbands probably tell their wives how much they want sex but not to the extent since they know how their wives will respond. More rejection. This is why God commands older women to teach younger women to love their husbands which includes satisfying them sexually. Husbands go to work daily even when they don’t feel like it. Wives need to be sexually available to their husbands even if they don’t feel like it. We lives our lives based upon obedience not feelings.

Yes, there are some men who will have affairs even if their wives are available sexually and there are times when a wife simply cannot be available sexually because of health issues, giving birth, and issues such as these. I am not speaking about these specific cases but if you are married to a man who loves you and wants sex with you, I am writing to you.

Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.
1 Corinthians 7:3, 4

Only Weak-Willed or Bullied Wives Submit?

Only Weak-Willed or Bullied Wives Submit?

A lie that many in the world believe is that only weak-willed women or women who are being bullied by their husbands are submissive. I read an article about this and asked my husband if I submitted to his leadership because I was weak-will or he bullied me. He laughed! I am not weak-will, nor has he ever bullied me. He doesn’t have a bullying bone in his body! I submit to my husband in obedience to the Lord. It actually takes a strong woman grounded in the Word of God and filled with His Spirit to be able to submit to their husband as unto the Lord.

A wife’s decision to be submissive to her husband does not mean she is weak-willed or that her husband will bully her because of her submission. Men who bully will bully women regardless of whether or not they have submissive wives and yes, may take advantage of a submissive wife but his bullying isn’t because of her submission. He’s a bully and she may need to seek help! And godly women who choose to be submissive are not weak-willed as many falsely believe today.

  I asked the women in the chat room if they lived in submission to their husbands because they were weak willed or bullied and here are some of their responses.

Debbie: “Lol. No one that knows me would ever accuse me of being weak-minded or try to bully me. Biblical submission is a reflection of a heart choice of a God-focused woman.”

Rebecca: “My husband has NEVER bullied me! And weak minded? I don’t think so! It takes great strength sometimes to be submissive but just like many other things in life, our lives are much better when we obey God.”

Katrina: “I try to be submissive because I love God and want to do what pleases him. ❤”

Paige: “People say the same things about Christ- what kind of God would die for his enemies? What kind of master would wash the feet of his servants? What kind of king would make peasants his co-heirs? His humility is why we serve. Not because we are weak or our husbands are mean, but because He is our example of servanthood.”

Lindsay: “I’m a very opinionated and strong woman. Nobody would get away with bullying me. I’m certainly not weak-minded. I submit to my husband because it’s what God’s word tells me and because life just works so much better when we all have our proper roles and aren’t fighting one another. I don’t want to compete with my husband or control him or fight with him. I married him because I love and respect him, so I wouldn’t want to undermine that respect by keeping him under my thumb, even if I could. I want him to take the lead so he keeps my knees weak and my admiration strong. A weak man I could control would not be very appealing to me at all.”

Verna: “Definitely not.”

Katie: “Raised in an atheist, feminist home. Strong minded enough to choose my own path, make my own choices, and go against my family’s ways. Would not class myself as weak minded at all.”

Chanse: “I probably wouldn’t be married still if it weren’t for Christ. It’s only through His power and submitting to His will that I continue to persevere and forbear through my difficult marriage. So, no I’m not bullied or weak minded. If I were, I’d be divorced.”

Robin: “These people just don’t understand how much strength and self control it takes for a woman to submit to her husband!”

Monica: “None of the above. I submit to my husband because God requires me to do so. This model has resulted in us having a very beautiful marriage. I would rather the wisdom of God than the foolishness of man.”

Kylene: “One of the reasons I’m submissive is because I used to be a feminist. I came to see feminism and the egalitarian (i.e. ‘two-headed monster marriage’ model) as being epic system failures that were detrimentally affecting both our culture and the Christian church. I’m no less than my husband. He seeks my perspective and input on everything of importance (the same way a CEO would brainstorm with the COO or other top executive) and then makes the final decision.”

Andrea: “My SIL was bullied by her husband, and lived for several years in submission because of him. She began to seek God and submit as he would have her, and their marriage was totally transformed! They are happy and doing wonderful. It’s amazing to see what a submissive heart can do.”

You see, women, these lies that only weak-minded women are submissive or women who are being bullied by their husbands are lies that the enemy of our souls wants women to believe. Satan doesn’t want women to obey God and live in submission to their husbands. He hates the Lord’s ways and comes to kill, steal, and destroy. Stop listening to the lies of the enemy and those whom he is using for his purposes. Listen to the Lover of your soul instead and do what He has commanded you to do. Only in Him will you find the peace and rest you are so desperately searching and longing for.

Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.
1 Peter 3:6

Becoming Feminine Women

Becoming Feminine Women

One of the women in the chat room shared a site called A Lady’s Code. “A lady possesses a code of conduct which serves to guide her in the course of daily life. These are her non-negotiable golden rules … principles that dictate the best course of action in a given circumstance.” I am one that is always eager to learn and grow in godliness, femininity, and biblical womanhood so when I find sites like this, I love learning from them!

Many women today have forgotten how to act like women and have not had anyone model to them what ladylike looks like. It’s good to seek out feminine women that you know and can learn from. The Duchess of Cambridge just gave birth to a baby boy and from all that I have seen of her, she is a feminine woman. I believe our First Lady is a feminine woman. There isn’t anything masculine about either of them and I appreciate this. When I have heard them speak, they are soft spoken and kind. They walk and dress ladylike and treat their husbands with gentleness.

I love this picture of Kate seven hours after giving birth. I love that she loves her husband and having children. She is a wonderful example of femininity and being ladylike for women all around the world.

“A Lady’s Code” teaches women how to be ladylike by giving wise encouragement, including how to drive, not gossiping, how to sit and stand, how to speak and words to say, and in many other areas. It is good to be known as being feminine and ladylike since God made us women. Here are a few of her posts:

A lady possesses a sense of wonder and interest in the world around her, so that boredom is simply foreign to her. So keen is her sense of awe and reverence for the marvels of creation that, to her way of thinking, boredom would be an insult to her intellect and to her Creator. She does not need or expect to be entertained, but is capable of finding something interesting and useful to occupy her wherever she finds herself, even if it is nothing more than keenly observing her surroundings. She has a teachable spirit, ready and eager to take up a subject matter of which she knows little, and can find in it some wonderful thing to benefit her ready mind.

“There is not a blade of grass that springs uninteresting to me.”
Thomas Jefferson

A lady does not need an audience in order to shine. She is who she is, whether or not anyone else is watching.

She runs her life by principles (her code), not pretense. She is genuinely concerned with what she should be, not what others think her to be. She knows how to enjoy an experience without turning it into a photo opportunity…

… She can buy a new car without posting a picture of it on social media.
… She will keep a tidy house when no guests are expected.
… She can dine at a fancy restaurant without publicizing photos of what she ate.
… She does a good deed when no one will notice.

A lady of substance is more concerned with being rather than being seen.

Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.
Proverbs 31:30, 31

*Photo by Daniel Gerhartz

The Damage Done By Dr. Spock

The Damage Done By Dr. Spock

In 1946, Dr. Benjamin Spock wrote a child raising book that changed parenting styles everywhere. I am going to take some quotes of his and give a response and try to keep it biblical and from what I have seen as a result of his teachings. The majority of Americans still believe that spanking, NOT physical abuse, is still acceptable, thankfully, since they have seen how effective it is in dealing with children’s bad behavior. “In all 50 states and the District of Columbia, you are not forbidden by law to use corporal punishment on your child as long as the form of punishment is reasonable and does not cause injury.” (Here are each American state laws on it.)

“[Physical punishment] certainly plays a role in our acceptance of violence. If we are ever to turn toward a kindlier society and a safer world, a revulsion against the physical punishment of children would be a good place to start.” (p. 173) This is in direct contradiction to what God tells us in His Word. “Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child; but the rod of correction shall drive it far from him.” (Proverbs 22:15) “Oh, but the rod isn’t a physical instrument,” people will tell me. Really? Please study all of the verses that mention the rod and you will see that this isn’t true.

How does God discipline us? Is He only positive and encouraging? No! “For whom the Lord loves he chastens, and scourges every son whom he receives” (Hebrews 12:6). Chasten means “to correct by punishment; to punish; to inflict pain of reclaiming an offender; as, to chasten a son with a rod.” Scourge means “to afflict for sins or faults, and with the purpose of correction.”

Who are we to think we know better than God? No, God doesn’t mean that we should physically abuse our children in any way. We use the rod of correction as a tool to make them obey and this teaches them self-discipline which benefits them for life. Many things in God’s Word have been taken to extremes and have caused harm for people. This is not God’s way. His way ends in peace and goodness not in evil and harm.

“My other reasons for advising against physical punishment are, in brief, that it teaches children that might makes right, that it encourages some children to be bullies, and most fundamentally, that to the degree that it results in good behavior it’s because of the fear of pain. I have a strong belief that the best reason for behaving well is that you like people, want to get along with them, want them to like you.” (p. 173)

On the contrary, pain and fear are great motivators for good as I shared in the above verse about how God disciplines us. My children were all spanked when they sinned against us or others and none of them were bullies or got into physical fights with others. They were kind to others, respected authority, and were a joy to raise. A one year old can’t comprehend “liking people” as much as they can quickly comprehend a small amount of pain that is swiftly administered for disobedience.

“I don’t think physical punishment is necessary or particularly effective.” (p. 215) It sure has been for centuries before you wrote your book, Dr. Spock. Children were much better behaved than they are now. God’s ways will always trumps man’s ways.

“All schools should be friendly, creative places like the best I’ve seen. We should wean ourselves away from physical punishment.” (p. 33) When I went to elementary school, the principal had a wooden paddle in his office and he used it! Children were well-behaved for the most part. There was nothing going on like there is in the schools today. A swat on the back side is a quick, effective method against disobedience. (I just did read that 19 states still allow corporal punishment in schools.)

“Recently I visited a small private school . . . with the idea of asking children . . . what advice to parents they’d like me to incorporate in the forthcoming revision of Baby and Child Care. In a thoughtful mood, the class was unanimous that parents should not hit their children. . . One child added that if you’re crying and your parent tells you to stop and then hits you when you don’t stop, it only makes you cry more.” (p. 229-233)

And asking children how they should be disciplined is a wise thing? If he asked adults how they would like their government to run, I’m sure some immature adults would say that they shouldn’t be put in prison for abusing drugs, driving drunk, and getting tickets for speeding and running red lights. Children do NOT know best how they should be raised. Why not interview parents of adult children who are now upstanding citizens and ask how they raised their children instead?

“I hope American parents can outgrow the conviction . . . that physical punishment is necessary to bring up well-behaved children. . . [T]here are parts of the world where it has never occurred to any adult to strike a child. I have known personally or professionally dozens of families in which the parents never lifted a hand–or otherwise punished or humiliated their children–and yet the children were ideally cooperative and polite. Children are eager to be ever more grown up and responsible.” (p. 13)

Yes, I am sure parents can raise good children without ever spanking them but it takes a lot more time, energy, and effort and to tell you the truth, I haven’t seen many who are successful at it. In order for spankings to work, a parent must be consistent, firm, and loving. It doesn’t work without these three key ingredients.

“There are several reasons to avoid physical punishment. It teaches children that the larger, stronger person has the power to get his way, whether or not he is in the right. Some spanked children then feel quite justified in beating up on smaller ones. The American tradition of spanking may be one reason there is much more violence in our country than in any other comparable nation.”

No, it teaches children that they must obey and respect the authority in their lives, whether they be parents, teachers, coaches, bosses, and government which is a good thing. My children never beat up on the smaller ones. If they did, they would have been spanked and would have never done it again!

Since your book has been practiced, Dr. Spock, violence has sky-rocketed in our nation. No, thank you. I much prefer God’s ways to your ways since God is our Creator who made us and knows the right and perfect way to parent children.

Chasten thy son while there is hope, and let not thy soul spare for his crying.
Proverbs 19:18

The Sad Horrible Effects of Television on the Minds of Christians

The Sad Horrible Effects of Television on the Minds of Christians

Written By David Cook

THE EVIL INFLUENCE OF TELEVISION! BE CAUTIOUS AND CAREFUL!!! I HOPE YOU WILL READ ALL OF THIS POST. PROTECT YOUR MIND AND THE MINDS OF YOUR CHILDREN AND GRANDCHILDREN!!

Only eternity will reveal the sad horrible effects of television on the minds of Christians in this present evil age we live in. We have no reason to watch things that defile our minds. To say, ‘It does not effect me’ is a very poor excuse indeed! The writers have an agenda which is to promote evil in the name of entertainment.

1. According to Jeremiah 10:2 we must not ‘learn the way of the heathen.’ Do you heed this warning from God? Constant watching of TV programs that are full of crime, violence, hatred, sexual impurity and mocking of God dulls your conscience and implants sinful thoughts into your mind. It is the very opposite of the command to ‘cleanse ourselves from all filthiness of flesh and spirit, perfecting holiness in the fear of God.'(2nd Cor.7:1)

THINK HOW THIS AFFECTS THE MINDS OF CHILDREN ?

2. To watch the glorification of evil and sin is wrong for the child of God, who is to set his affections on things above. (Col.3:1-3) The family hour is now prime time TV instead of gathering the family together for a time of Worship and instruction in the Word of God which renews the mind.

3. People live in a fantasy world that is unreal and makes sin look good! Hard to be a dedicated born again Christian if you are devoted to the idol of TV instead of being fully devoted to a holy God!
God must be 1st place in our lives !

4. TELEVISION is very distracting, time wasting, and causes temptation and the lowering of the holy standards of God. Watching a TV program that ‘calls evil good and good evil’ will cause you to compromise with evil and to tolerate evil since you allow yourself to be entertained by evil. This is very harmful and it is not innocent fun! TV is a deadly distraction that kills the spiritual atmosphere in your life and home.

5. You cannot easily sit with those who mock the Lord with filthy suggestive jokes and language and grieve the Holy Spirit and live wholly to the Lord at the same time. Sin is portrayed on TV not as sin but as “normal and acceptable” and God forbid that we approve of this portrayal of sin. Do you laugh at what God hates? Most TV viewing cannot be pleasing to The Spirit! It may pull and attract the flesh but we are commanded to deny worldly lusts. (Titus 2:12)

6. To look on and enjoy the things He has redeemed you from is very offensive to the Son of God. To allow your life to be cheapened by such garbage is to abuse the grace of God.Where is the love for worship ,for fellowship with a holy God and renewing your mind with the Truth ?

7. WE SHOULD BE IN CLOSE FELLOWSHIP WITH A HOLY GOD WHICH MEANS YOU WILL BE REPULSED AT THE AMOUNT OF WICKEDNESS ON TELEVISION!!

I will set no wicked thing before mine eyes: I hate the work of them that turn aside; it shall not cleave to me.
Psalm 101:3

When Should a Wife Disobey Her Husband?

When Should a Wife Disobey Her Husband?

The question of when a wife should disobey her husband comes up frequently. It seems that people are more concerned about when a wife should disobey her husband than obeying and submitting to him. We are told to submit to our husbands in everything (Ephesians 5:24), be obedient to them (Titus 2:5), and we are Sarah’s daughters as we obey our husbands as she obeyed Abraham (1 Peter 3:6). We are told that our husband is head over us (Ephesians 5:23). God has made it very clear that the husbands are the ones to lead their families, not the wives. But when should wives disobey their husbands?

As you know, I fully teach and believe that women should be keepers at home and raise their own children. What if a husband asks his wife to put their children into daycare and work full time? Should she disobey him because she believes it is sin? What if he asks her to fully vaccinate her children even though she believes this would be sin to pump her children “full of poison”? What if he asks her to put their children into the public schools even though she knows how sinful they are? What if he asks her to not spank their children when the Bible clearly tells us to use the rod on them? There are many things that are clearly stated in the Word of God that we should obey but what if the husbands ask their wives to disobey them?

I believe the only time a wife can disobey her husband is if he asks her to disobey a clear command of the Lord such as given in Romans 13:9 because God’s clear commands trump a husband’s. “For this, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not kill, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Thou shalt not covet; and if there be any other commandment, it is briefly comprehended in this saying, namely, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.”

A wife never has to obey her husband if he asks her to do anything that will defile the marriage bed as in having an affair, watching pornography, engaging in anal sex, or participating in a threesome. She would never have to obey him if he asked her to get an abortion, steal, bear false witness, or do anything that is clearly evil. Anything that is not loving others (harming the children or others), she would not have to obey BUT she must obey him in everything else.

Yes, she would have to work full time and put her children in daycare if he asks her to do this in submission to his leadership. Yes, she would willingly vaccinate her children if this is his will. She would put her children into public schools if this was her husband’s desire. She would not spank her children if he asked her to not spank. If he wants her to wear leggings and skirts above her knees, she would obey him. He is the one who will decide if she wears a covering on her head or not, what church they attend, where they will live, how to spend the money, etc. He is responsible for how he leads his family and she is responsible for submitting to his leadership. God is very clear about this! If she doesn’t like some of his decisions, she gives them to the Lord in prayer and allows Him to convict and change his mind if this is the Lord’s will.

If she wants to be a keeper at home and homeschool her children but her husband wants her to work full time, she lives carefully within his income and asks the Lord for daily strength and wisdom while she submits to her husband and works full time. If she must vaccinate her children because this is her husband’s desire, she feeds them as healthily as she can and gives them a lot of healthy probiotics like kefir to help keep their immune systems strong. She daily prays protection over her children whether they are in daycare, public school, or vaccinated. If they go to public school because this is what her husband wants, she reads the Bible and prays with them every morning before school and reminds them to clothe themselves with the full armor of the Lord daily. She continually teaches them the truth of God’s Word. If she can’t spank her children because her husband doesn’t want this, she is consistent in making them obey her even if it is time consuming and tedious. If he likes her to dress in clothing that she considers immodest, she wears it as modestly as she can but still pleases him. Remember, he will answer to God in how he leads her.

In all areas, she does her best to submit to him in everything, even the hard things that she disagrees with him about and in the areas that she doesn’t believe are biblical. Remember, we are told how a wife is to “win” her husband who is disobedient to the Word and it isn’t by disobeying him. No, it’s by living in subjection to him – obeying and submitting to his leadership (1 Peter 3:1-6) so she works hard to obey him in everything as long as it is not evil or harmful to others and prays daily that she will win him without the word. In the meantime, she finds her strength and joy in the Lord and doesn’t allow anything or anyone to steal her joy!

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
1 Peter 3:1, 2

Study to Be Quiet

Study to Be Quiet

We are commanded in 1 Thessalonians 4:11 to “study to be quiet.” What does this mean? It apparently means that it’s not our nature to be quiet so we must study how to be quiet. Gill’s Exposition put it this way:

“And that ye study to be quiet,…. To live peaceably in their own families, and to give no disturbance to other families, by talebearing, whispering, and backbiting; to behave with quietness in the neighbourhood, town, or city, they dwell in, and to seek the peace thereof; and to lead a quiet and peaceable life, in all godliness and honesty, in the commonwealth, and under the government to which they belong; and not to create and encourage factions, divisions, animosities, and contentions, in their own church, or in any of the churches of Christ; and it becomes saints to make this their study, to be very solicitous for it, to strive for it, and pursue after it: the word used signifies to be ambitious of it, as what is a man’s glory and honour, to emulate and strive to outdo each other, as who shall have the honour of being the quietest person, and the most peaceable member in the community.”

In order to be quiet, we must seek to be at peace with all man as far as it depends upon us. We must first be at peace in our homes with our husband and our children. We love, serve, and sacrifice for them. We show them kindness and patience. We are careful with the words that we speak to them.

We seek peace with people outside of our family. We don’t speak negatively or critically about them. We don’t whisper things behind their back as a means of tearing them down. We don’t slander and gossip about others and find out all the things they are doing wrong so we can tell others. The only reason that people do this is to elevate themselves and make themselves look better than those they slander or they are trying to destroy the reputation of those they slander which should never be named among those who call themselves believers in Jesus Christ.

We abide by the rules of our government. We don’t “encourage factions, divisions, animosities, and contentions.” We pray for our leaders instead. Politics is NOT our life. The news of the day doesn’t consume us because we understand that this isn’t our home. We are strangers and aliens simply passing through to a bright eternity with our Savior so we go about His work instead of worrying about what’s going on in our culture. We store our treasures in heaven where they are safe and protected.

We love those in our churches and pray for them. We pray for our elders and deacons as they lead our church. We are quiet in our churches as we are commanded to do so; for it is shameful for women to speak in churches. If we have a question, we ask our husbands at home instead of marching up to the pastor and demanding an answer. If we disagree with something that is taught, we don’t make a big stink about it but pray that truth will always be taught in our church.

Let us all be known as the “quietest person, and the most peaceable member” in our community and the only way we can do this is by clothing ourselves with the righteousness of God – believing in Jesus Christ and being filled with His Spirit, then we can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens us!

 If it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men.
Romans 12:18

Acting and Dressing Like a Harlot

Acting and Dressing Like a Harlot

Many women today dress and act like harlots. A harlot is a woman who prostitutes her body for hire and who forsakes the true God and worships idols. We must study how a harlot dresses and acts to make sure we don’t resemble one in any way.

“And, behold, there met him a woman with the attire of a harlot, and subtil of heart” (Proverbs 7:10).

What is the attire of a harlot? It is “showy gaudy (extravagant and costly) garments (in contrast to modest apparel and not costly array – 1 Timothy 2:8-10), such as the Athenian whores wore, or short ones, as the Romans; the word signifies one fitted to her body, neat and well shaped, to recommend her: so the woman, the whore of Rome, is said to be arrayed in purple and scarlet colour, and decked with gold, and precious stones, and pearls; signifying the outward pomp and splendour of the Romish religion, designed to captivate weak and unwary minds;” and “some conspicuous garments, very different from the sober clothing of the pure and modest.”

Expensive, short, and tightly fitted defines the attire of the harlot, according to Gill’s Exposition which is a commentary that was written in the 1700s. I don’t believe the definition has changed any in the past 300 years! Is your clothing expensive, short, and/or tightly fitted? If so, you most likely are dressing like a harlot.

As godly women, we are to wear clothing that doesn’t cost a lot since we are to be moderate in everything. We need to be more concerned about our inner person than what we look like on the outside. Our culture caters to women’s appearance. You can’t even scroll through Facebook without getting many ads of women’s clothing to buy.

Our clothing shouldn’t be tightly fitting like most clothing is today and it shouldn’t be considered short. It should be pure and modest since we are called to be shamefaced which means not drawing attention to ourselves. Ask your husband what is and is not modest since he is head over you and dress to please him only.

What does subtil of heart mean and how can we make sure that we aren’t subtil of heart like a harlot? This refers to a “mistress of all artful and intriguing methods to seduce and ensnare; or, ‘reserved of heart’, cautious and wary what she said, told everything that was encouraging, but kept back what was discouraging; or she kept her own heart to herself, while she stole the hearts of others;… she hides her real feelings, feigning, perhaps, affection for a husband, or love for her paramour (lover), while she seeks only to satisfy her evil passions.”

In other words, she tries to seduce men with not only what she wears but by what she says and how she acts. She only seeks to satisfy her evil passions. She is deceitful. She doesn’t care about anyone but herself. She uses her body to manipulate men and get what she wants, not caring who she hurts in the process.

We are called to be completely opposite of this. We are careful how we dress, what we say, and how we act because our aim is to please our Lord and Savior, the lover of our soul; the only thing that we have that will last forever. Our eyes are on eternity and storing our treasures there instead of trying to get what we want on this earth. We love our own husband and children deeply and would never do anything to bring them harm like having an affair. We love working hard in our homes and caring for others. Everything that we do, we do with the aim of heavenly, not earthly, rewards. We love and live for Jesus.

But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.
1 Peter 3:4

Watered Down Wedding Vows

Watered Down Wedding Vows

“I just went to a wedding where the officiant talked about headship and submission. He told the groom that he was to love his wife unconditionally and sacrifice everything for her. He told the bride that submission did not mean she had to be a doormat and it did not mean her opinion didn’t count and it did not mean her husband was allowed to bully her. He said absolutely nothing about what submission really meant, only what it did not mean.

“This is also a problem with sermons about Ephesians 5 that spend 90% of the time talking about the husband’s responsibility, 9% about mutual submission, and 1% listing the things submission does NOT mean.”

Mitch made this comment on my post Why I Don’t Make a Disclaimer on Every Post About Submission. Can we ask ourselves why pastors and teachers of the word and even Focus on the Family are so afraid to teach about biblical submission? Has feminism impacted the Church so heavily that there are few preachers who teach the truth about a wife’s submission to her husband without softening it so much that it’s hardly recognizable and gives the wife many ways out of obeying her husband?

My husband married my youngest daughter and her husband four years ago. He laid out all of the biblical commands concerning biblical submission to his own daughter during the ceremony. It was great! Unfortunately at the reception, one man made statements against what Ken had said in the ceremony during his toast. It seems that almost everyone wants to water down what God has to say about it. They seem to fear women, instead of fearing God.

No, we don’t need to try to soften God’s Word and give all of the exceptions. This isn’t our job. It’s our job to speak the truth in love. Yes, wives are to live in submission to their husbands and be obedient to them. They are to submit in everything. They are to reverence their husbands and learn what pleases them. Let’s focus on doing this and see how many marriages improve instead of giving all of the exceptions and allowing women to be the decider of when to submit and when not to submit. (Of course, a wife should never submit to a husband who asks her to do evil or something that could harm herself or her children. God’s will always trumps man’s.)

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Ephesians 5:22-24

Which Proverbs Woman are You?

Which Proverbs Woman are You?

There are two types of women described all throughout the book of Proverbs. One is a godly woman and one is a foolish woman. I read through the entire book and noted all of the references made specifically to woman excluding Proverbs 31. First, I will give you the verses of foolish women to make sure none of these describe any of us!

“It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman” (Proverbs 21:19).

Contentious means given to angry debate and quarrelsome. It’s easy for us to want our own way and to be right but this isn’t what God calls us to do nor be. There are so many Christians books and articles about how to “fight fair” in marriage but according to the Word of God, we shouldn’t be fighting at all. “And the servant of the Lord must not strive; but be gentle unto all men” (2 Timothy 2:24). Strive means to struggle or fight vigorously. As women, we are called to have meek and quiet spirits, therefore, we must not quarrel or fight with our husbands.

“It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house” (Proverbs 21:9)

Brawling means the act of quarreling. Again, we are told to NOT quarrel. It should have no place in our lives. If you struggle with quarreling with your husband, ask him to call you out on it every time you begin to quarrel and immediately stop! It’s a hard habit to break (I know), but worth the effort. Peace in a marriage is a beautiful thing!

“It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.” (Proverbs 25:24)

This verse is given twice (Proverbs 21:9)! Again, we are warned against quarreling.  It would be better for a man to be exposed to the harsh heat of the sun, wind, and winter on a roof rather than live with a quarreling wife in a big and beautiful home. It will drive a man crazy! God commands wives to submit to their husband and when wives do this, quarreling stops immediately since they understand his headship over them.

“The contentions of a wife are a continual dripping” (Proverbs 19:13)

“A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike” (Proverbs 27:15)

Twice we are told that a quarreling wife is like a “continual dripping.” I am sure you have heard a faucet that drips, drips, drips and it can drive you crazy because it is so constant and so annoying. This is what you sound like to your husband if you quarrel with him. Choose to bite your tongue rather than quarrel with your husband. Let him be right all the time if need be. Big deal!

“As a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion” (Proverbs 11:22)

Discretion means being wise and having common sense and good judgement. A woman who has no discretion (isn’t wise and doesn’t have common sense or good judgement) is compared to a piece of jewelry in a pig’s nose. As godly woman, we are called to be discreet. We are to be wise in avoiding errors and evil and do what is right and good according to God’s Word.

“She is loud and stubborn; her feet abide not in her house” (Proverbs 7:11).

This is completely opposite of having meek and quiet spirits. We aren’t to be loud. We aren’t to be stubborn and insist on having our own way. Our feet are in our homes as keepers at home where the Lord has commanded that we be. We don’t go out marching for our “rights”  and demanding that we be heard. No, we work quietly and hard in our homes taking care of our families while giving all of our concerns to the Lord. He is mighty to save! We study to be quiet, do our own business, and work with our own hands (1 Thessalonians 4:11). We don’t have a sense of entitlement and wanting things for free but are content with our lot in life; for godliness with contentment is great gain.

“A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing” (Proverbs 9:13)

Clamorous means speaking and repeating loud words, being noisy and turbulent. Without Christ’s Spirit working mightily within us, we will not be meek and quiet spirited women. As our culture spirals downwards, women become more loud and turbulent. This is why we need to be in the Word and allow His Spirit to transform us into His image.

“Three things the earth is disquieted…an odious woman when she is married” (Proverbs 30:23)

Odious means hateful, offensive to the senses, and disgusting. There seems to be many women who are hateful and disgusting these days. You can see it all over Facebook, during the feminist marches, and watching them on TV with their immodesty, unfeminine behavior, and foul language. I can tell you one thing, it’s so very ugly! The poor, poor men who are married to odious women. What a pity.

“A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones” (Proverbs 12:4)

Virtuous means morally good, practicing the moral duties, and abstaining from vice. Are you good? Are you washed by the blood of the Lamb? Have you been cleansed from your sin and walk in newness of life? Do you love the Lord Jesus, His Word, and seek to obey Him in every area of your life?

“Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands” (Proverbs 14:1)

With wisdom we build up our homes. Where do we find wisdom? We find it in God’s Word. We must be in His Word daily, then we must apply it to our lives. We must continually renew our minds with truth and take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ. We must seek counsel and learn from godly, older women who have walked the path before us. If we don’t do this and instead are led by our emotions and feelings, we will be foolish women who tear down our own homes.

“Whoso finds a wife finds a good thing, and favour of the Lord” (Proverbs 18:22)

Yes, marriage is ordained by God. It was not good for man to be alone so God created a help meet for him. Unfortunately, many women don’t understand their created purpose but for those who do, their husbands are blessed men indeed!

“A prudent wife is from the Lord” (Proverbs 19:14)

Prudent means cautious and practically wise. She has common sense, lives within her husband’s income, obeys biblical principles, and loves her husband deeply. She is a pleasure to live with.

“A gracious woman retains honor” (Proverbs 11:6)

Gracious means she is kind, friendly, and forgives easily (merciful). She is not easily offended, doesn’t hold onto grudges, and lives her life for eternity. She loves people more than things, is not envious of others and what they have, and has learned to be moderate in all things (1 Corinthians 9:25).

My question for you: Are you building your home up with wisdom and sound judgment or are you tearing it down with your emotions and feelings? Which Proverbs woman are you?