The Transformed Wife

Almost every young Christian woman that I have ever known has wanted to experience college, a career, and traveling which is simply another way to explain the feminist lifestyle. These were their goals. Very few of them ever said they only wanted to marry and raise children. The feminist lifestyle is not from the Lord. He never calls young women to go to college, pursue careers, and travel. No, He tells us that marrying and bearing children are what young women are called to do. Unfortunately, there are very few of us encouraging young women to marry and bear children and we are ridiculed when we do.

Read these sad words from Ellie Bufkin in her article People Told Me to Live My Dreams, But Never To Dream of Having Kids who heeded the mantra that feminism proclaims to young women everywhere, even those in the Church.

“Since I was young, I’ve heard a non-stop stream of encouragement for me, as a ‘modern woman,’ to take charge of my own life, live independently, and chase my dreams. This seems like the obvious advice we should give children, except that many people spent so much time chasing their dreams and creating their bespoke lives that they forgot to have children.

“While growing up in the suburbs, my post-scholastic dream did not consist of finding a partner and having babies. I wanted to see the world, experience many cultures, and live without having to worry about caring for anyone else. I ended up in a fast-paced career with a propensity for hard partying, late hours, and a taste for travel and luxury.

“As years ticked by, I assumed my perfect life would simply fall into place when I was ready, my career would steadily improve, and I would be swept off my feet by a perfect man. I had many friends with the exact same expectations for their lives, and today, we are pretty much all still single and childless.”

Then here are some wise words from Mary Pride in her book The Way Home and her views about having and raising children compared to the feminist lifestyle and lies:

“The real reason that couples are so attracted to family planning has nothing to do with the Bible. It has to do with fear. We’re afraid that we can’t afford a large family. We’re afraid that we wouldn’t be able to control so many children. Some of us fear that without family planning we would have to give up cherished parts of our present lifestyle…Have babies and raising them takes precious time away from their sadly shallow goals in life, which are, in the words of two evangelical feminists, ‘pursuing individualistic interests and making their own name for themselves.’

“We are the richest people in history, yet the most fearful about the costs of child-rearing. Perhaps it’s because we don’t realize how superfatted our lifestyles are, and how little our children really need in order to grow happy, healthy, and godly.

“What ‘freedom’ do babies cost us? Do they interfere with our freedom to love and serve God? No; they interfere with our freedom to indulge ‘the lustful desires of sinful human nature,’ as Peter puts it, ranging from common childish selfishness to full-fledged adult depravity.

“Overpopulation is the great excuse for feminist barrenness. More than that, it is a slogan used to persecute those who hold out against a feminist lifestyle. The word overpopulation turns a couple who are sacrificing time, money, and energy out of love for their children into ‘selfish’ people who are ‘aggravating societal problems.”

As the author of The End Time wrote: “Happy is the woman who unashamedly says ‘I am a wife.’ ‘I am a mother.’ If we are not ashamed of the Gospel, we are not ashamed of any element within it, including the role He has given us to reflect His glory and image. ‘Just a mom’? Might as well say ‘Just a Christian’ when in fact being a woman, a wife, or a mother is all, because we have all, in Christ.”

Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
Psalm 127:3

“Tonight we are celebrating the love of a chosen family & the fact that being a mother is a privilege & the most important thing you can gift your child is a mother who is not defined by being a mother but who has followed her dreams & who never has to apologize 4 being at work. To show your kids a mom with a full life without them is the only way to celebrate their full lives without us someday. Here’s to the brave mom’s out there. What is your definition of a full life 4 a mom? #Imwithyousister”

This is a tweet by an actress named Vanessa Marcil. Her definition of a full life as a mom is doing what she wants to do. Period. So children are blessed by having mothers who aren’t defined by being a mother but by a woman who bore them then left them in the care of others to raise them? She believes children who are abandoned by their mothers are “blessed” and that mothers who show their children that they have a completely different life apart from their children is good since it prepares them for a life without them. A life without a mother in childhood prepares them for a life without a mother in adulthood?

I don’t know about you but I was blessed because my mother didn’t abandon me for her “dreams.” We were her dream! Vanessa’s comments are so completely backwards that it’s hard for me to even comment on them but I can tell you what, women were thrilled with her very strange comment on Instagram and here are some of their responses.

“Full life for me is to take care of myself. To feel free and spontaneous. To not worry about everyone else around me …there are times I feel guilty for wanting that. It’s not easy being a mom and having to deal with the struggles and all the BS that comes with it. You tend to loose yourself because being a mom is rewarding but at the same time can also be a permanent 24 hr job that you just want to quit.”

“Now that I have had time to think about it my life is just all about my family, and helping others, maybe I do need something more.”

“Thanks to my loving, supportive husband, I been able to continue my education and have an Ed.S. My daughter knows how hard I worked for my education, and she know how much I gain (on a personal, emotional level) from teaching students. I am a better mom because of my career in education, and I think she understands that more and more.”

“Wow! You are truly an inspiration as a mom and a woman. Marry a man with money? ? two things- 1. Cause those women seem so happy. ? 2. The men I have been with who have money were the cheapest mfers on the planet. Cheap and petty. You marry for love and you work for love to set the right example for our kids. Martyr moms who ‘gave up their dreams for us’ raise needy children who also give up their dreams. ?No thank you.”

I asked the women in the chat room this same question and here were some of their answers:

Tammy: “That’s a loaded question but for me it’s being able to spend every day being loved by the father of my children. It’s seeing their joy and wiping their tears. It’s being the one who teaches them the alphabet, how to read, and what God does and who He is. It’s not giving anyone else the privilege of teaching them, protecting them, and having their greatest admiration and love. It’s having their company while we explore the world around us, see new things and cuddle. It’s embracing children as a great gift and joy rather than an interruption in life.”

Sarah: “Being home with her children, and thus constantly in the presence of the Lord (because without unceasing prayer this very full life will run us into the ground!) and providing for them a clean and comfortable place to grow, play and be truly, deeply loved. Having the freedom to provide a home environment that seems almost otherworldly so that my kids and husband come home and find the peace that isn’t at work or at school (though the freedom and privilege of homeschooling is also another part of full motherhood living in my opinion). The stability that comes from the fact that we can live this full, rewarding life without ever leaving our front porches is the icing on top ☺”

Sarah: “My toddler needed a nap, and my 11 year old wanted me to read to him. We snuggled up in my bed, read 4 chapters of Winter Danger (a wonderful book for boys) and the toddler drifted off to dream land, while my teenager does her work, and the 9 year old helps his dad stake tomatoes. That, is my definition of a full life.”

Nicole: “To find the will of God and to do it wholeheartedly. (Maria from the Sound of Music)”

Chelsea: “Waking up everyday getting to spend the entire day with my kids. Watching them play, hearing them laugh, making memories with them. Cooking them homemade meals and hearing ‘you’re the best cook in the world, mommy.’ Impatiently waiting to hear my husband’s truck pull into the driveway every day, peeking out of the window every few minutes with butterflies, hoping it’s him! Sitting down at the table together to eat the meal I cooked for the people I love the most. Hearing my children say grace in the sweetest tones with the most beautiful words that would make anyone proud. Laying in bed with my kids, telling wild tales and stories until they fall asleep, Getting to shower & go to bed every single night with the man of my dreams, talking and laughing until we drift asleep too.

“But it’s not just the ‘perfect’ moments that fulfill my life, it’s the chaos too. My three year old son, dumping a bottle of dirt and rocks on the counter I just cleaned and saying , ‘Here mommy, I got these for you!’ Ketchup somehow in their hair even after they just had a bath, watching my husband and the boys wrestle (a little too rough for my heart to handle); it’s all the moments that I know are moving way too fast. My life is full and I wouldn’t trade any bit of it for the world. I now have tears of happiness in my eyes 😭💕”

Cassie: “A full life for a mom is to have the privilege of having a huge influence in such a special person’s life. The ability to influence that life to live to their fullest potential while seeking out God’s will for their lives.”

Dolly: “A full life is a life that is dedicated to serving others. Jesus Himself came to serve others. Mothers are constantly serving and sacrificing for their husband and children. I believe there is no greater act of love.”

Johann: “I would respond being a real woman, it teaches me everything that being a feminist would not teach me: to be humble, patient, loving, selfless, to do things well and for the glory of God and not brag about myself. I could mention many things that feminism would not teach me. I’m really free doing everything for which God designed me. Being a feminist makes you unhappy.”

Kylene: “A full life is a life dedicated to the bigger picture: not what the mother wants and feels in the moment, but what will benefit her children and future generations over the decades. Will a career make her feel fulfilled in the moment? Maybe? But it means her children are being raised by daycare and schools instead of her. What will that mean in the long term? Children raised by people who don’t love, but are merely paid to ‘look after’ them while she seeks fulfillment elsewhere.”

“As for her, like most women, she had but one ambition. To be a good wife and a good mother, and to be beloved by her husband and children, was all she asked. [She was] a busy, affectionate, cheerful little housewife, whose voice would never be heard in the streets, but whose memory would always live in a few faithful hearts.”
~Elizabeth Prentiss

She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness. Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
Proverbs 31:27, 28

“We are living at an unusual time in history, when great pressures are being brought to bear on us to offer up our children on the alter of mammon. We must not give in to this hideous idol, no matter how desperate our financial situation may seem…Though many day-care children spent many, many happy hours playing in my home, I would never willingly put my child through what I saw my little day-care children go through…Perhaps if every young mother had to do ten years of home day-care, a revival of sacrificial mothering would sweep across America.” (Helen Aardsma)

Many young women today don’t understand the impact of their choices upon their children. They haven’t been taught that they are the ones that should be raising and loving their children deeply which means sacrificing for them and being home with them instead of having others raise them. Even if a mother is home full time with her children, she stills need to focus upon loving them or God wouldn’t have had older women teaching young women to love their children.

My mom didn’t feel loved by her mother. Her mother may well have loved her very much but from the things she said to my mom and the way she treated her, she didn’t feel love from her and has struggled with insecurity her entire life, even at the age of 87 years old. My dad was an only child and deeply loved by his mother. He doesn’t have an insecure bone in his body. I felt deeply loved by my mom and am a secure adult.

I conducted a poll with the women in the chat room about this topic to see what their responses would be. The options were: 1) Loved by mom = grew up secure. (54  women); 2) Didn’t feel loved by mom or not loved by mom = grew up insecure. (60 women); 3) Loved by mom = grew up insecure. (19 women). So from my very unscientific poll, women grew up to be much more secure if they felt loved by their mothers than those who were not.

It makes common sense to me that those women who were deeply loved and cared for by their mothers would most likely grow up to be secure adults, especially if their mothers were home full time. (This wasn’t accounted for in the poll.) I know Dr. Brenda Hunter who wrote the book “Home By Choice” found the same thing to be true from her scientific studies.

It’s so important, women, to deeply love your children even if you don’t feel like you like them. Decide to be affectionate, tender, kind, and loving towards them. Remember, we don’t live by our feelings but by obedience. Your children, who you may love but not like so much, know how you feel about them. Most of us aren’t so good at hiding our feelings.

Some of these women who grew up not feeling loved, thus insecure, by their mothers became secure when they learned who they were in Christ. Teach your children from a young age who they are in Christ. Teach them their value and worth comes from Him and not what others will say about or to them. After feeling loved and secure in your love, then they will be prepared to go out into the world and be secure in who they are in Christ. They will remember that God promises to never leave nor forsake them.

Hug your teenage children. Smile at them when you see them. Let them see that you find joy in them. They still need your love and affection. The world is an insecure and scary place but if your children have a warm and loving home with an affectionate mother in it, these children will grow up secure and most likely emotionally stable.

Discipline and train them in love. Tell them that you are spanking them when they are young and disobedient because you love them so much. Build a loving relationship as they grow up so you’ll have a loving relationship when they are adults. This is how it goes with this eternal principle: We reap what we sow!

That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children.
Titus 2:4