Our Husband is Our HEAD Covering

Our Husband is Our HEAD Covering

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The issue of women wearing headcoverings has been argued ad nauseam in the Church probably since the Church was established. I believe the most important verse in this entire conversation by the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 11 is this one: “But I would have you know, that he head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God” (1 Corinthians 11:2). We all know what this means and should walk in obedience to this clear command. Our husbands are head over us. They are our HEAD covering! If they want us to wear long hair, wear long hair. If they want us to wear a veil over our head, we will wear a veil over our head. If they don’t want us to wear one, then we won’t. It’s their decision since they answer to Christ (even if they are unbelievers).

I can tell you that after studying the commentaries of old, they weren’t even sure what this passage meant concerning women wearing a veil over their heads and this is the issue I will discuss with you. Some believe the veil is a woman’s hair and others believe it is a veil.

Near the end of this discussion concerning headcoverings by Paul, he makes this statement: But if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her: for her hair is given her for a covering (1 Corinthians 11:15).

Matthew Poole’s Commentary had this to say about this verse:

“But, he saith, if a woman have long hair, it is a glory to her. Long hair is comely for the woman, and accounted to her for a beauty or ornament, for God hath given her her hair for a covering. There have been books written about the lawfulness or unlawfulness of men’s wearing long hair, and the due or undue lengths of men’s hair, the substance of which were too much to transcribe here. That which in these verses seemeth to be commended to us, as the will of God in this matter, is: That men and women should so order their hair, as by it to preserve the distinction of sexes.”

God isn’t into transgenderism. We can be sure of that! We are told that the effeminate will not inherit the kingdom of God (1 Corinthians 6:9). Effeminate means to make womanish; to unman; to weak. In 1 Corinthians 11, there is a clear distinction in which the way men and women wear their hair. Our hair should be feminine and should be clearly distinguished from the way men wear their hair. It seems more and more women today are getting haircuts that look just like men and it is in rebellion to God’s design for them. I know some women can’t grow long hair and some women’s husbands like their hair short. It still doesn’t mean that you can’t make it look soft and feminine.

Gills’ Commentary said this: “But if a woman have long hair,…. And wears it, without cutting it, as men do:it is a glory to her; it is comely and beautiful; it is agreeable to her sex, she looks like herself; it becomes and adorns her: for her hair is given her for a covering; not instead of a covering for her head, or any other part of her body, so that she needs no other:”

This commentary believed that long hair IS a woman’s covering. Many women grow their hair long and keep it this way because of this verse. I would venture to say that most men like long hair more than short hair. It makes a woman look like a woman and very short hair makes a man look masculine.

Cambridge Bible Commentary had this to say: “The true glory of every creature of God is to fulfill the law of its being. Whatever helps woman to discharge the duties of modesty and submissiveness assigned to her by God is a glory to her.” I believe this to be the main point of the entire discussion: God has called women to be modest and submissive to their husbands because they are our head covering. This pleases the Lord and the highest form of worship is living according to the Lord’s will.

Even a newer commentary had this to say about these verses:

“What is this covering that Paul is saying a man should not wear but a woman should? In answering this unspoken question, Paul asks, ‘Is it proper for a woman to pray to God with her head uncovered?’ (verse 13). He immediately answers his own question: ‘Does not even nature itself teach you that if a man has long hair, it is a dishonor to him? But if a woman has long hair, it is a glory to her; for her hair is given to her for a covering’ (verses 14-15).

All along, Paul has been writing, not about a hat or veil, but the length of one’s hair! He is not saying a woman should wear something over her hair, but rather she should wear her hair long enough to be recognized as feminine. This wearing of her hair long shows her submission to the man.”

Now, we come to the verse at the end of the discussion by Paul: But if any man seem to be contentious, we have no such custom, neither the churches of God (1 Corinthians 11:16). Again, the commentaries are not all in agreement with this statement. I believe that what God wanted us to clearly understand, He made very clear: men are the head over their wives and wives are to be in subjection to their husbands. This has been stated multiple times in the Word. On this issue of headcovering, it shouldn’t cause contentions among us. Obey your husband. It’s that simple!

Gill’s Commentary: “That is, if anyone will not be satisfied with reasons given, for men’s praying and prophesying with their heads uncovered, and women’s praying and prophesying with their heads covered; but will go on to raise objections, and continue carping and cavilling, showing that they contend not for truth, but victory, can they but obtain it any way; for my part, as if the apostle should say, I shall not think it worth my while to continue the dispute any longer; enough has been said to satisfy any wise and good man, anyone that is serious, thoughtful.”

We know from Gill’s Commentary that he believes long hair is a woman’s covering but his main thought from this verse is that there should be no contentions about it. It shouldn’t divide churches, nor friendships, not anything.  There isn’t one male godly preacher or teacher of the Word (not even Michael Pearl who takes the Bible very literally and doesn’t allow culture or feminism to frame his teachings) that I listen to and trust who teaches women must wear a veil in the church.

Matthew Poole’s Commentary: “If any man seem to be contentious; if any man hath a mind to quarrel out of a love to show his wit in discoursing what may be said on the other side, or out of a desire to hold up a party, and contradict us. We have no such custom, of women’s praying or prophesying with their heads uncovered, or men’s praying or prophesying with their heads covered; or we have no such custom of contending for these little frivolous things; neither any of the churches of God; and good Christians, in their practices, ought, in things of this nature, to have an eye and regard to the custom of their own church, and also of other Christian churches.”

I will repeat one phrase in this commentary: “We have no such custom of contending for these little frivolous things.” I believe this sums it up. Yes, the man is head over his wife (her HEAD covering) and she is to live in submission to him. This is not frivolous since it’s made clear, as I have stated, but the issue of long hair and wearing a veil falls in the category of “frivolous” things (of little importance) so decide for yourselves with your husband’s approval what is right and proper and do it but please don’t force your personal convictions about this upon others and cause contentions over it.

Lack of Education Makes Bad Mothers?

Lack of Education Makes Bad Mothers?

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Joy Anna Duggar, who is nineteen years old is pregnant and is causing quite a stir among the feminists of today. “What? She doesn’t have a college education?” “What will she have to offer her baby?” As one woman responded on an article about Joy Anna:

“What about an education? The ability to pay for a child’s needs? Babies are a blessing but they deserve to be raised in a loving and accepting home. An uneducated teenager without a job other than TLC is not a role model for young girls . Originally my daughters were allowed to watch the show but as the young ladies grew and were denied an education and basic civil rights — the show was banned. I have 7 children. 4 college graduates , 2 daughters in college who also work to pay for their education . The Duggar ladies are an example of what not to do.”

Up until about 150 years ago, few women received college educations yet children were still born and raised to be responsible adults. A college education does NOT make a woman smarter in any way that matters to the Lord or to eternity. In fact, most college educations poison women’s minds since they teach everything contrary to the Word of God. Some of our most famous presidents were home educated by mothers without a college education.

From what I have seen, higher education makes uninvolved mothers since mothers aren’t home full time with their children. They value their careers over their children. They find being home full time mundane and not for them, especially since it’s so easy to find care for their children with the many daycare centers available today. Higher education does nothing to help women become more submissive wives, better mothers, or homemakers who keep clean and tidy homes. They teach nothing that the Lord cares about concerning godly womanhood.

Why would Joy Anna have to be the one to “pay for a child’s needs” as this woman states? Joy Anna did it right. She married a godly, hard-working man to provide and protect her. If something happens to her, I am sure her family would support her as they are called to do biblically (1 Timothy 5:4).

Joy Anna’s baby will be raised in a loving and accepting home. The Duggars believe that when a couple gets married, they begin having babies, if the Lord blesses them. Surprise, surprise! The fact that this is not common today, even among Christians, is tragic. God created marriage and commanded us to be fruitful and multiply. Children are gifts from the Lord and raising four children and now having almost six grandchildren, I can say without a doubt that they are all our greatest blessings!

“An uneducated teenager without a job other than TLC is not a role model for young girls.” I can tell you that she is going to be a far superior role model to her children than many highly educated women are today. Joy Anna will be home full time with her children and showing and teaching them the ways of godliness. Her marriage will be strong and she will show her children the joy of the Lord. What’s more important than this? An education and career? I think not!

Finally, this woman accused the Duggars by saying the children were “denied an education and basic civil rights”? They were all homeschooled and seem to be very intelligent and wise children and adults. I have no idea what she is referring to concerning basic civil rights. Does she mean it’s because the girls all wore skirts and had long hair, didn’t go to public schooling or universities, didn’t grow up watching TV or maybe because they were given strict courting rules? From everything I have seen and read, they are one of the most joyful families I have ever seen! My mother never had a college education and she was a fabulous mother just as Joy Anna will be.

For the wisdom of this world is foolishness with God. For it is written, He taketh the wise in their own craftiness.
1 Corinthians 3:19

Distracting Women from Truth

Distracting Women from Truth

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Nancy Campbell wrote an encouraging post on her Facebook page about wives smiling at their husbands.

“Recently I read about a wife whose husband was unkind to her and didn’t want to spent time with her, choosing to spend all his evenings in other company. She went to a counselor. He didn’t spend hours counseling her, but instead gave her one simple message, ‘Always treat your husband with a smile.’

She began to put it into practice. A few months later she returned to the counselor to say that her husband no longer sought other company, but longed to be with her and treated her with constant love and kindness.

This secret works wonders for a problematic marriage, but also enhances a good marriage. Try it.”

I was the first one to comment and wrote, “Whenever I mentor women in troubled marriages, this is the first assignment I give them: begin smiling at your husband every time you see him. One woman came back a week later and after asking her how it went, she replied, “He knew something was different about me so he asked, ‘Have you lost weight?!'” 🙂 

Then right under my comment a woman named Hazel made this comment, “With a marriage that needs a bit of fine tuning, this will work. However, in an abusive marriage, this will only make things worse. I tried Love Dare. The further I got, the worse things became. He soon learned that it didn’t matter what he did, I would still treat him kindly. I did this until it nearly killed me. We’re now divorced and this is the best I’ve felt in years. Yes, life is hard but I no longer have the wet blanket of verbal abuse. The ‘shut up and forgive’ thing only goes so far. It never, ever applies to an abusing marriage.” She received a lot of likes on her comment.

What was Hazel’s goal in writing this? Was it to warn women to not try smiling and being kind towards their husband since it may make it worse? Was it to water down Nancy’s encouraging and wise words to wives in order to distract women from truth? We can’t know for sure but it’s a consistent behavior among many women today. They do it to me frequently, almost daily actually. If I mention the word submission, being kind, loving, or serving our husbands in any way, women scream “abuse” or selfishness on the husband’s part. Why do they have to say anything? It’s as if they believe it’s their job to protect women from our teachings as if our teachings cause harm and abuse.

Smiling and being warm towards our husbands DOESN’T cause abuse. Submitting and serving our husbands DOES NOT cause abuse. Even obeying our husbands DOES NOT cause abuse. Sin causes abuse, period, yet try to encourage women towards becoming godly, submissive wives and some women always have to warn women about abuse and put a negative twist to it. Yes, I know abuse is real and I have posts dedicated to this topic but it’s completely unnecessary and unproductive to write about abuse or husbands maybe or made up faults every time I teach women about treating our husbands with kindness, love, and respect. It takes away from the truth and turns it into something ugly which seems to be their intention.

For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts, Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.
2 Timothy 3:6, 7

Manipulating Scripture so Women Can Be Preachers of the Word

Manipulating Scripture so Women Can Be Preachers of the Word

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Do you want to know why there are so many women standing behind pulpits today and preaching the Word of God when it’s clear that they are not called to do this but instead are commanded to be silent in the churches and not be in authority over men? There is a great manipulation of the Word of God going on right now that feminists have drummed up in order to change the clear commands that they don’t like and don’t want to obey. Many women today despise the teachings of the Apostle Paul.

“But I suffer not a woman to teach, nor to usurp authority over the man, but to be in silence” (1 Timothy 2:12).—“The whole purpose of these weighty admonitions of the great founder of the Gentile Churches relegates Christian women to their own legitimate sphere of action and influence—the quiet of their own homes” (Ellicot’s Commentary). I love the commentary on this verse since I love being a woman and I love being quiet in my home but I’m sure feminists mock this commentary’s interpretation. They falsely believe these old commentaries are no longer relevant for today.

Gail Wallace is a good example of a woman who does a great job at manipulating and watering down this verse and I will show you how and why she is wrong since it’s becoming more and more common today.

First of all, she states that the word “authority” in this verse is a bad translation. Of course, she must say this in order to do away with women not being in authority over men so this is typically their first line of attack. Go to the Greek and make it say something other than what it states even though every single legitimate version of the Bible uses the word “authority” but for some reason, she knows better, along with all the women who believe the same.

I do want to mention one of the newest versions or perversions of the Bible (International Standard Version) and how it has interpreted this verse: “Moreover, in the area of teaching, I am not allowing a woman to instigate conflict toward a man. Instead, she is to remain calm.” Feminists and women preachers must have written and use this version since they can now freely teach and have authority over men as long as they don’t “instigate conflict toward a man!”  Blech.

Then Mrs. Wallace claims that hardly anyone teaches that women should be silent in the church which I believe is true and shameful. It’s most likely because leaders in the churches fear women. I have been in one church where they take this verse seriously and I enjoyed it very much. I have no desire to speak out in church or have any authority over men in a church setting or anywhere for that matter. Also, just because something isn’t taught in the churches doesn’t mean we shouldn’t obey it! Rarely is submission, temperance (moderation in everything, including eating), modesty, or being a keeper at home taught but we, as godly woman, must obey all of God’s commands.

She uses 1 Timothy 2:14, which she believes couldn’t possible be true, in order to disregard the clear instructions of 1 Timothy 2:12. “And with rare exceptions, no one holds that women are saved in childbearing.” Okay, if this is the case, can we easily pick and choose what verses to believe and which ones to disregard if we don’t understand them completely? No! The meaning of this verse is that women’s place is in the home with their families and/or they will be saved through the birth of Christ. Unlike 1 Timothy 2:14, however, 1 Timothy 2:12 is very easy to understand. Even a child could understand what it means but not feminists apparently and it’s only because they don’t like it.

Next, she wrote, “There is no mention of this in the rest of Paul’s writings, or anywhere else in the Bible for that matter.” Not true. The verse right before this verse: “Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.” I’m also not sure how she missed these verses from 1 Corinthians 14:34, 35: “Let your women keep silence in the churches: for it is not permitted unto them to speak; but they are commanded to be under obedience as also saith the law. And if they will learn any thing, let them ask their husbands at home: for it is a shame for women to speak in the church” but she most likely has a way to twist them to mean something “enlightened” as well. Priests from the Old Testament, prophets, patriarchs, kings, and Jesus’ disciples (those in authority) were ALL men!

 Then she wrote that the Apostle Paul supported women in leadership positions. Where? She didn’t list any verses or women that Paul specifically supported in leadership positions. Phebe was a “servant of the church” (Romans 16:1 KJV) and Priscilla was never spoken about as in a leadership position either.

“It is baffling to me that some church leaders and theologians give such weight to the 1 Timothy 2 passage when many other portions of scripture support equality.” What other verses support equality in church leadership? Again, no verses to back up her assertions.

“Churches find it impossible to put 1 Timothy 2:12 into practice in a consistent or logical way.” Therefore, we throw out the verse, try to manipulate it to say something it doesn’t, and put women in leadership positions in the church? No! I agree that churches put this verse into practice in different ways or ignore it completely but I have never attended a church with a female elder and never will. I will not listen to a female preacher. I even prefer men leading worship and praying but I know this isn’t popular in today’s feminized, watered-down churches. Just because it’s not practiced in a consistent or logical way doesn’t nullify God’s clear command.

Then Mrs. Wallace also wrote, “I think it’s significant that this is a personal letter written to Timothy and not to the church-at-large.” And why does she believe this? Are women better and more enlightened today than the church he wrote this for? Can we do this with any and all letters the Apostle Paul wrote to the Church? NO! There is zero indication that this letter is not directed to the entire Church of today since He wrote all of his letters for our exhortation, rebuke, encouragement, and teaching under the New Covenant of grace in which we now live since Christ’s death and resurrection.

“At the same time, God is raising women up all over the world today in all kinds of arenas, including the church.” No, Mrs. Wallace, God isn’t raising up any women in the Church to be leaders. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. It doesn’t mean that women are any less valuable to the Kingdom of God. It simply means that God has a different and unique will and calling for women.

Now for some wisdom from the Matthew Henry Commentary about this verse: “According to St. Paul, women are not allowed to be public teachers in the church; for teaching is an office of authority. But good women may and ought to teach their children at home the principles of true religion.”  Yes, women, we are not to be public teachers in the church nor in authority over men. Older women are instructed to teach younger women the ways of godly womanhood but other than this, I believe all teaching in the Church should be taught by men.

This is from a newer commentary that was written in 1992: “Paul’s main concern in this section is proper order within the church. Men, he writes, should pray and teach. Women should adorn themselves modestly and do good works, but they should not be teaching publicly or leading men. Verse 15 explains what their primary concern should be: ‘childbearing.’ Thus, it means that much of God’s judgment of women will be based on how well they perform their God-given role in bearing children.”

 Some churches allow women to pray, share their testimonies, and of course, sing and praise the Lord since none of these fall specifically under teaching or being in authority over men. However, we are told that women should be silent in the church also, so if 1 Timothy 2:11, 12 is not taught in your church and what all this includes, come to your own convictions about how silent in the church that you should be after careful consideration of the Word and ask your husband what he believes to be true. I prefer to err on the side of being too silent than not be silent enough.

Let the woman learn in silence with all subjection.
1 Timothy 2:11

***For anyone who has a question about women prophesying in the church, here is a post I did on this subject.

Sorrow on the Sea

Sorrow on the Sea

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Written By Charles Spurgeon

Little know we what sorrow may be upon the sea at this moment. We are safe in our quiet chamber, but far away on the salt sea the hurricane may be cruelly seeking for the lives of men. Hear how the death fiends howl among the cordage; how every timber starts as the waves beat like battering rams upon the vessel!

God help you, poor drenched and wearied ones! My prayer goes up to the great Lord of sea and land, that he will make the storm a calm, and bring you to your desired haven! Nor ought I to offer prayer alone, I should try to benefit those hardy men who risk their lives so constantly.

Have I ever done anything for them? What can I do? How often does the boisterous sea swallow up the mariner! Thousands of corpses lie where pearls lie deep. There is death-sorrow on the sea, which is echoed in the long wail of widows and orphans.

The salt of the sea is in many eyes of mothers and wives. Remorseless billows, ye have devoured the love of women, and the stay of households. What a resurrection shall there be from the caverns of the deep when the sea gives up her dead!

Till then there will be sorrow on the sea. As if in sympathy with the woes of earth, the sea is forever fretting along a thousand shores, wailing with a sorrowful cry like her own birds, booming with a hollow crash of unrest, raving with uproarious discontent, chafing with hoarse wrath, or jangling with the voices of ten thousand murmuring pebbles.

The roar of the sea may be joyous to a rejoicing spirit, but to the son of sorrow the wide, wide ocean is even more forlorn than the wide, wide world. This is not our rest, and the restless billows tell us so. There is a land where there is no more sea–our faces are steadfastly set towards it; we are going to the place of which the Lord hath spoken. Till then, we cast our sorrows on the Lord who trod the sea of old, and who maketh a way for his people through the depths thereof.

 There is sorrow on the sea; it cannot be quiet.
Jeremiah 49:23

Married to Angry Men

Married to Angry Men

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The road that we walk as believers is narrow and it’s not easy. Everyone goes through trials and sufferings, but as believers in Christ Jesus, we don’t run from them and try to numb ourselves as those on the broad path are prone to do. Debi Pearl added a great chapter to her book Created to Be His Help Meet for women who are married to very difficult and angry men. I want to post a few meaningful paragraphs from this book to encourage you who are in this situation to buy the book and find encouragement from her.

For any of you who are being physically and/or emotionally abused or fear for your life in your marriage, please click on this link.

Debi gives three responses how women who are married to angry men typically react: become a doormat and cower in his presence, fight back and cause more tension, and a third one which I recommend.

“The third response is the road to healing; your healing first, and then the kids and possibly your husband’s. This is the hard part. It will take a woman filled with the Holy Spirit and the grace of God. You will have to endure abusive words without feeling abused. You will have to live in the love of God when you are not getting love from your husband. You will have to gain your self-image from what God thinks of you instead of what your husband says in his selfishness and anger. You will need to put on the whole armor of God to stand against the fiery darts of the wicked one – yes, the devil in your husband.

You must wear two hats at the same time: the loving, submissive wife who honors her husband, and the prophet who will not cover sin nor call evil good. You will not hide his sin from your children nor make excuses. When he acts inappropriately with you or the children and you see they are hurting, later, in private, explain to them that he does not have the love of God in him and that he is being controlled by an evil spirit. Let them know that it is his problem and not theirs, that he is unreasonable and they are normal. Tell them to try not to provoke him and together you will seek his healing. They should understand that their daddy is temporarily possessed of a debilitating moral disease that God can heal.

Stand taller. Look him in the eye. Do not return to your corner or wear the dunce’s hat. When reviled, return a blessing, when persecuted, suffer it without bowing your head or apologizing ( 1 Corinthians 4:10-13). Look your antagonist in the eye and let him see compassion and forgiveness, but not fear, not guilt, and not apology. You should grow taller as he gets smaller.

I do know one thing for sure: Total surrender to God and a walk of faith will cure any and all marriage diseases. A good Christian is a good spouse, a good parent, and a good friend. We have seen terminal cases of marriage malignancy cured through loving God with all of one’s heart. Where Christ is there is wisdom, judgment, forgiveness, grace, love, mercy, and especially joy. The power of holy joy exceeds all human ills.

So before you blame your husband, and decide to stand up to him, make sure you are kneeling in the presence of God, seated in heavenly places, and standing in faith. If grace is not your daily diet, don’t expect that you can work wonders in another blighted soul.”

And why beholdest thou the mote that is in thy brother’s eye, but perceivest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Either how canst thou say to thy brother, Brother, let me pull out the mote that is in thine eye, when thou thyself beholdest not the beam that is in thine own eye? Thou hypocrite, cast out first the beam out of thine own eye, and then shalt thou see clearly to pull out the mote that is in thy brother’s eye.
Luke 6:41, 42

***Here is another good article by Michael Pearl on this topic, The Devil’s Hug but gives this warning: This article is rated R—not for children under 18, and possibly not for any unmarried person who wishes to remain in innocent ignorance. (The most tragic part of this article is the fact that the number of angry men is increasing due to pornography and I also believe due to rampant divorce and the break down of the family and biblical values. Divorce makes children angry who grow up to be angry adults.)

***If your husband is having an affair, click here.

***If he is a persistent porn addict, click here.

She Plants a Vineyard – Proverbs 31:16

She Plants a Vineyard – Proverbs 31:16

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She considers a field, and buys it: with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.
Proverbs 31:16

“Whether it be fit for use and of a reasonable price, and how she may purchase it. This excludes the rashness, as the proceeding to buy it excludes the inconstancy, which is often incident to that sex” (Benson Commentary). Yes, many of us women often buy things on impulse. We see something we like and buy it without pondering if we even need it or can afford it. There’s advertisements on Facebook, Instagram, and all over trying to get us to buy another dress or product even though we have plenty of everything! Next time you want to buy something, carefully consider if you really need it and don’t act rash about it. Yes, use wisdom and even prayer in your purchases. Most of us don’t need any more stuff!

“She turns her attention to a certain field, the possession of which is for some cause desirable; and, after due examination and consideration, she buys it” (Pulpit Commentary). She “considers” a field before buying it. “Can I afford it?” “Is it a good use of our money?” “Will it be profitable for us?” She weighs her options and then decides whether or not to purchase it.

Do you notice that she buys “a field”? Not many fields. No, she is not a real estate agent as some try to convince me. This isn’t her career. She is buying one field and considers carefully before buying it to see if it is a wise purchase. She didn’t leave her home for hours every day five days a week, her children in the care of others, and worked for a boss. She is NOT a career woman.

I am sure she bought this land with her husband’s hearty approval since she lived in submission to him. She was free to leave her home to shop, make things in her home and sell them to the merchants and then use this money to buy a field, but remember that she was known for “looking well to the ways of her household,” not her job or career.

“The field are the Scriptures, in which are hid the rich treasures of Gospel doctrines and promises; and the church, and all truly enlightened persons, consider to what use this field may be put, to what account it will turn; how profitable the Scriptures are, for doctrine, reproof, correction, and instruction in righteousness; what a rich mine and valuable treasure is in them; things more desirable, and of greater worth, than thousands of gold and silver; and therefore will buy this field at any rate, and not sell it; will part with all they have before they will part with that; even life itself, which in an improper sense is called buying of it, though it is without money and without price; see Matthew 13:44” (Gill’s Commentary).

The greatest treasures we own are the Scriptures. They are far more valuable than the things of this world. The greatest seeds you can plant, mothers, are not the stuff of this world but the seeds of truth into your children’s minds and hearts so that they may grow into trees of righteousness with deep roots in Jesus.

“…with the fruit of her hand she planteth a vineyard; her own vineyard…it is observable, that in the Hebrew text there is a double reading; the ‘Keri’, or marginal reading, is feminine; but the ‘Cetib’, or writing, is masculine; to show that she did it by means of men, she made use of in her vineyard for that service; it being, as Aben Ezra observes, not the custom and business of women to plant vineyards, but men. It may be rendered, ‘he planted’, and be applied to her husband, Christ; who, through the ministry of the word in his church, plants souls in it; and happy are they who are the planting of the Lord! trees of righteousness, that he may be glorified, Isaiah 61:3.” (Gill’s Exposition). It’s interesting that it was actually men who planted her vineyard, not the Proverbs 31 woman! This debunks the theory that the Proverbs 31 woman had a career as an agriculturalist as some have also claimed; for “it was not the custom and business of women to plant vineyards, but men!”

To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified.
Isaiah 61:3

Divorcing Second Husband to Remarry First Husband?

Divorcing Second Husband to Remarry First Husband?

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There are people who believe that if a woman has been divorced and then married another man, she is living in continual adultery and needs to divorce her second husband and try to be reconciled to her first husband or remain single for the rest of her life. Because I don’t agree with this, I have been accused of supporting divorce and remarriage so I want to set the record straight. I hate divorce as God hates it and do everything I can to strengthen and save marriages.

I strongly believe in the permanence of marriage until death does a couple part and what God has put together let NO man separate. This is what I will teach until I no longer have a voice. Divorce is devastating on all involved even affecting future generations. “Divorce, no matter what the reason, does something to children that is unholy” (Michael Pearl) and this is why the Apostle Paul urges believers to stay with unbelievers because they sanctify the unsaved spouse and children by their godly presence. God allowed divorce only because of the hardness of heart and gives an out for adultery and abandonment but never recommends, encourages, or commands divorce.

I am going to share what three godly men wrote about this issue because I believe they say my thoughts about it better than I can:

Michael Pearl in his book Divorce and Remarriage wrote this: “If you come to Christ having been the guilty part in terminating a marriage, and discover to your shame that you committed adultery when you remarried, Paul says you are to remain in the state you were in when you came to Christ. The adultery is initial, not perpetual. Your original sin of adultery is forgiven when you repent, and your marriage is now sanctified. ‘Brethren, let every man, wherein he is called, therein abide with God’ (1 Corinthians 7:24).”

“There are some cult-like groups that have committed great abomination and defiled marriages by insisting that a man or woman in their second (or more) marriage should leave their family – spouse and children – and return to the original spouse, insisting that they are living in adultery otherwise. While God has permitted divorce and remarriage on account of hard hearts (in the case of adultery and abandonment), he has never permitted a man or woman to leave a second spouse and return to the first. That remains an abomination. Anyone who would encourage a man or woman to leave their present spouse due to a former marriage is an enemy of God (Deuteronomy 24:1-4).

Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the Lord (Deuteronomy 24:4).

“If it were true that second marriages are not marriages at all, and that a person remains married to their first spouse until death, and their relationship with their second spouse is an ongoing state of adultery, then Jesus missed the point, for He acknowledged that the woman at the well had indeed had ‘five husbands,’ and the man she was presently with was not her husband” (Michael Pearl).

“Divorced people who have married again should not break the second marriage. The second marriage has broken the first marriage. God Himself holds the second marriage binding. To break it would do no good, but would do great harm…DO NOT BREAK THE SECOND MARRIAGE! Two wrongs never made a right. It would usually be impossible to restore the first marriage, and the Bible does not command it, even if it were possible. Confess the sin of the past, but do not sin again by another divorce or separation” (Dr. John Rice).

“The prohibition of a wife returning to her first husband even after her second husband dies (because it is an abomination) suggests very strongly that today no second marriage should be broken up in order to restore a first one” (John Piper).

Living a Mundane Life

Living a Mundane Life

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Yes, this was me forty years ago on my nineteenth birthday. I was celebrating it with my friends from Westmont College. At this point in my life, I had no aspirations to be a career woman, rich, or famous. I had lived a relatively mundane life and dreamed of continuing to live one by being a wife, mother, and homemaker, if the Lord blessed me with a husband.

I grew up in a relatively stable home with a mother and father. I went to church and public schools my entire childhood and then a Christian college. I received my teaching credential, taught a few years, then the Lord indeed blessed me with a husband. We had four children, while I stayed home full time to raise them. Yes, my life was mundane.

This is all I ever wanted to do – be a wife and mother. I didn’t care about a college education or a career. I never wanted to write a book or even considered being a writer since I didn’t like English or writing. I poured my life into my family for the many years my children were home as best as I could despite being ill most of their growing up years. I loved it, however, for I was right where I was supposed to be.

This past weekend, my college friends (only five could attend since Lori G. was home for her first grandbaby’s birth) gathered together for three days in Ventura. We became close friends right after beginning college and have been ever since. Here we are our sophomore year:

Lori G, Me, Sandy, Jan, Denise

The New York Times had an article titled You’ll Never Be Famous – and That’s Okay. “The most meaningful lives, I’ve learned, are not often the extraordinary ones, but the ones lived with dignity.” The article tells of a woman who had high dreams and ambitions but becomes only a wife and a mother and learns to “embrace her life as it is and contributes to all those around her…”

“…connecting and contributing to something beyond self, in whatever humble form that may take…meaning is not found in success and glamour but in the mundane…a good life is a life of goodness.”

All six of us married when were were in our early twenties. We are still married to the husbands of our youth. We all had children and were full-time mothers. We lived mundane lives of cooking, cleaning, serving, raising children, and being help meets to our husbands. This is all any of us wanted to do.

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully (1 Timothy 5:14). This is God’s prescription for young women and it is perfect. Yes, we have all gone through trials and sufferings but we are stronger in the Lord and in our faith because of them.

While we were in Ventura, we visited Denise’s 86 year old mother, Sue. I asked Sue what her marriage was like and she quickly responded, “I was a submissive wife and my husband was the head of our home!” Denise told us she never heard her parents argue and she lived an “idyllic childhood” which she assumed everyone was blessed with! Sue was home full time and continually taught her four children about the Lord and His ways. I remember her back in the college days as always being warm, cheerful, and kind. We spent many weekends in her home.

Here’s five of us (plus Jan’s sister, Lynn, who became close to us during those years, too), forty years later, from this past weekend:

Sandy, Tracy, Lynn, Me, Jan, Denise

Tracy shared with us that after the first year of college, she left because all she ever wanted to do was to be a wife and mother. She said her mother, Trixie, and all of her mother’s friends were homemakers while she was growing up but in order for Tracy to attend Westmont Trixie had to work at a retail store. Trixie developed migraines from the stress of it. Tracy didn’t want her mother to have to work for her to go to college when all both of them wanted to be were homemakers so she quit and worked until she got married.

All of our lives were considered mundane in our feminist culture but they were exactly what God has called women to do. None of us would have chosen to do anything else. We loved being the ones home to raise our children and were blessed. You may feel that you live a mundane life, women, but it is a good life and God’s perfect plan for you!

And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you.
1 Thessalonians 4:11

Switch Submission to Respect?

Switch Submission to Respect?

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One woman’s husband read a post about submission that she had written and responded this way to her:

“I think the word submit is outdated, respect is a much better alternative.” 

A very wise woman responded:

“Here’s the thing, ladies (and this is coming from someone who is NOT in a Christian marriage, and has lived a life of submission for the past ten years of our 22 year marriage – I’m 51), we can’t pick and choose and substitute words in Scripture like that and when we look at any topic in Scripture, it’s important to look at all Scripture on it. In this area God is very clear and He’s not just talking to wives of Christian husbands and I’ll show you why.

God knew what He was doing when He wrote the Bible. He knew what words to use and He was in control. There are words that He used in the Bible for respect (esteem, fear, honor). If He used those words in other areas but not this one, are you saying that He made a mistake? No. It simply serves to ‘justify’ our lack of giving up control, if we change it.

Revelation 22:18-19 is very clear on this!

Now, regarding submitting to a non-Christian husband, here’s what God says about it –

Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives, when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.
 1 Peter 3:1-2

I’ve counseled and mentored many women and, sadly used to think the way that they do starting out. I often hear: ‘I’ll submit as long as….’ (they don’t tell me to do something against God; they don’t ask too much; they don’t develop a ‘god-complex’…).

I’m here to tell you that that is not submission of any form – it’s negotiations and it doesn’t say to negotiate with your husband. It says to submit and in this case, the instruction has more to do with your relationship with God than it does with your relationship with your husbands.

Why is it that in areas that we don’t ‘like,’ we still conform to the world because it’s more comfortable?

Ladies, this is experience talking. Before I totally submitted to my husband, the area of God was a battleground for us. He always tuned it out but, when I submitted to him, as to God (which means completely), God started working in his heart in huge ways.

So the choice is to obey God or not – that’s what it really comes down to.

Please, don’t try to change God’s Word to fit what you think; it’s supposed to be the other way around and trust me, that way works better.”

Why would we ever falsely believe that we can somehow improve upon God’s perfect ways, words, or will for us?

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