This is a comment given by Trey on my post Living Like An Abigail:

I hear so many Christian wives these days talking about how bad their husbands are. The problem even seems to exist with Christian husbands who are reading their “Bible steadily, listening to sermons, and praying.” The one actually causing the problem in the marriage never seems to be the wife though. It is always their husband’s fault.

And then I hear statements like these, “This is just an example, terribly unkind argument then he goes downstairs…” and that she is going “through lots of emotional ups and downs depending on if he gets offended or not.”

This raises a few questions. Since it takes two people to argue, if a wife is submitting to her husband in everything (Ephesians 5:22-24) and showing him the utmost respect mingled with fear (Ephesians 5:33b), even if he is not being obedient to the word (1 Peter 3:1-2); how can there ever be a “terribly unkind argument” between them?

How is it that a Christian wife is doing things (or not doing things) that offend her husband on a regular basis? Why would this Christian wife expect her husband to change his behavior based on what she thinks of him? Does she know better? Is he supposed to be submitting to her and following her leadership? Something is just not adding up.

As a man, I do not ask these questions in a vacuum or without experiential knowledge on the subject. The bible tells me that I am to submit to my employer with the utmost respect, mingled with fear, even if they are harsh and unreasonable (1 Peter 2:18), even if if causes me to suffer (1 Peter 2:19). Over the past 40 years, I have worked for some pretty harsh and unreasonable employers. Early on, there was a failure or two (before I understood 1 Peter 2:18-19) but for the past 30 years, I can tell you that I have not had an argument of any kind with any of them.

How is it that a Christian wife who claims to “love Jesus with all my heart and trust His word” be so often offending and having arguments with her husband and it all be HIS fault? Is he not the head of the wife? Is he not the leader in his household? Does he not set the standards that need to be met in the household? Does the Christian wife not strive to submit to, reverence, serve and please him in all that she does? It seems that in so many Christian marriages these days that things are just not well and according to the wife, the problem always seems to be the husband.

Is is possible that there is more to it than that? Is is possible that the wife is missing something? For those seeking answers, and for any woman who desires to be a Godly wife, I recommend that you read the following books:

“The Power of a Transformed Wife” by Lori Alexander
“Created to Be His Help Meet” by Debi Pearl
“The Excellent Wife” by Martha Peace

Allow these Godly older women in the church to teach you how: “to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.”
Titus 2:4-5

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