There are three phrases that we hear often that have caused great harm to marriages. They are “happy wife, happy life,” meet my “emotional needs,” and fulfill my “love language.” They are now all used by women to manipulate their husband into treating them how they want to be treated. In essence, they have become head over their husbands and control them through these phrases, then will divorce their husbands if they don’t submit to their desires.

“Happy wife, happy life” means that men must do whatever it takes to make their wives happy IF their husbands want a happy life. Does Christ do whatever we want to make our lives happy? No, He does what is best for us which includes allowing tribulation and suffering into our lives. Yes, some wives do suffer with disobedient husbands. 1 Peter 2 and 3 address this issue. How are these wives to live? By living in subjection to their husbands without the word and with godly behavior. The more you decide that it’s your husband’s job to make you happy, they more unhappy you will be. No one is responsible for your happiness except for you, women. Being happy is a choice you make. Are you going to focus on the good in your husband or the bad and allow that to tear down your marriage?

Next is the issue of husbands meeting their wives’ “emotional needs” which was invented in the 80s as pop psychology. What are our emotional needs? They change often, are unreliable, and lie to us. We can’t even completely define them, yet we want our husbands to read our minds and emotions and meet them. How self-absorbed is this! The solution, women, is to learn to take your thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ. Don’t allow your emotions and moods to control you anymore. How do you do this? By saturating your mind with God’s Word: read it daily, listen to solid preaching, and singing hymns and spiritual songs. When a bad thought comes into your mind, kick it out and replace it with Truth. Be led by Truth rather than your moods.

Finally, there’s the whole deal about one’s husband fulfilling your “love language.” It’s fine if you want to figure out what your husband’s love language is and love him in that way, but it’s not fine if you’re not happy when your husband isn’t loving you with your love language. This will cause discontentment and bitterness in you which will defile you. God defines love in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. We must focus on loving our husbands this way instead of putting unrealistic expectations upon them. Remember, godliness with contentment is great gain, NOT putting heavy burdens upon our husband.

Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ.
2 Corinthians 10:5