Written By Ken Alexander

We were accused of being excessive in our discipline actions by those who were into the gentle/permissive parenting movement. Flicking a cheek and making a child comply by picking up the raisins she threw onto the ground because she did not want to eat them are considered cardinal sins worthy of purgatory by some, yet ask the child who is now a well-adjusted, wonderful mom of her own, and she laughs and understands how important it is to raise cooperative children, especially for the sake of the home when you have many of them. It’s for the sake of the child themselves to not have to battle rebellion and destruction in their teen and adult years but have self-control instead.

God’s promise is that if we raise our children well in the Lord, they will not depart from Him and His ways. All discipline must be modest, give pain appropriate to the age of the child, and not leave marks, especially not emotional marks. Each child is different and each must be dealt with a little differently, but modest pain for a child can be a good thing in training where there is no verbal understanding or in cases of outright disobedience and rebellion. Be a sensible, kind, loving parent, and not angry or yelling when disciplining a child. If you need a time out to get your head together, take it, and come back later to talk to the child and give any necessary discipline that fits the crime. As they get older, the spankings should become far less prevalent and again used only for disobedience and rebellion.

Talk through everything else as they grow older and show the love and grace of Jesus in all discipline, just as you desire Him to show you. We spent hours talking to our teens instead of punishing them, and at times, I bet some wish they could have just had the spanking. But the reality is that training requires teaching proper thinking, not just proper behavior.  “Don’t do it again” can be just as effective or more so than punishment after gaining commitment from a child who understands. But if they do it again, then appropriate physical discipline, time out, or some other form of punishment is necessary so that they know Mom and Dad mean what they say.

We have four wonderful children who are healthy and whole in body and spirit as we write these things, and they are raising their own children in the Lord. You will stand before God some day and give an account as to how you raised your children. If God says not to spare the child the rod, He means some physical form of discipline is not only acceptable but necessary.

Prayerfully unite with your spouse on how you will consistently implement disciplining in your home. Discipline is a gift we can instill in our children, and if the two of you are not on the same page together, your child will see this and play the two of you against each other to get what they want. Be consistent! Do not say something then not follow through with it, or you will confuse the child who can no longer believe and trust you to keep your word. Your word is your bond, and you must teach your child the same or watch them become something you are not proud of in this life. They are your handiwork on display, and eternity is at stake.

He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes. (Proverbs 13:24)

Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction shall drive it far from them. (Proverbs 22:15)

Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and shalt deliver his soul from hell. (Proverbs 23:14)