6 thoughts on “Woman’s Desire and Man’s Rule”

1. I’ve often wondered about “marital rape”. I’ve told my husband it sounds kind of fun. 🙂 So all these women get married and then keep all their goodies to themselves? Why would they marry? That’s a raw deal for sure. Talk about bait and switch! I’ve seen from a few of your male commenters that are regularly rebuffed by their wives and if these wives wear the name Christian they should be ashamed of themselves. I guess I can see where feminists would use the term marital rape because by feminism is synonymous with selfishness, but no Christian woman should ever have a reason to use marital rape.

2. M, I think you misunderstanding marital rape. It is not “keeping goodies to themselves.” Most cases occur when a woman rebuffs her husband’s sexual advances (sick, recently gave birth, anal intercourse, painful intercourse due to a health problem, inappropriate sex toys) and so he forces himself on his wife. Another example is when a husband may drug or intoxicate his wife or film her to put on the internet. Of course, some wives may feel “forced” because they are simply tired, but it is definitely unjust to assume that is the majority, or even a relevantly small, percent of cases. I think most loving husbands understand when their wives need rest but would be happy to engage in the morning and would not press repeatedly during a serious illness! And in turn, most wives (Christian or not) don’t consider a night of “let’s get this over with sex” (for lack of a better term) to be rape. Sexless marriages are certainly a cause for concern though.

3. most wives (Christian or not) don’t consider a night of “let’s get this over with sex” (for lack of a better term) to be rape.

   The secular culture is now pushing the concept of “enthusiastic consent” as a principle feature of non-rape sexual activity. Their application is to non-marital relationships, where Christians believe is immoral even where consent is enthusiastic.

   But since we are all being conditioned by the secular culture in our understanding of the unspoken sexual contract between men and women, this new doctrine of enthusiastic consent is already working its way into the mentality of Christians as they consider getting married or as they consider their sexual behavior within marriage.

   More Christian wives are going to argue that their husbands “raped” them because they had sex when she didn’t feel like it. More husbands will have their reputations dragged through the mud as these charges will be included in divorce filings.

   More young Christian men will walk away from marriage because of the combination of enthusiastic consent and no-fault divorce laws. Why risk getting into a relationship that is so fraught with peril to ones emotional health, financial solvency, and freedom from incarceration.

4. Yes, and what label is there for men who are consistently denied sexual intimacy from their wives because their wives are “not in the mood”? It’s an absolute war on men these days and it’s tragic. Feminism is destroying culture and I will have no part of it.

5. This may very well be a problem in marriages in the future. I went to college and I have heard the enthusiastic consent speech. I just don’t agree with the playful/slighting speak about marital rape as it applies now.

6. Hi Lori,

   You said “This desire by men to dominate women is due to the fall.” I disagree: the “and he shall rule over you” is not God’s prediction of the Adam’s coming bad behavior toward the woman. It is God’s command to Adam to rule her. That ‘rule’ was given to Adam before the fall in God’s ‘have dominion.’ Eve was in subjection to Adam as his ‘helpmeet’ before the fall. The issue is that it now FEELS like oppression to Eve, it FEELS like she is being ruled, because she has now been exposed to good and evil [that God warned her not to touch] and she struggles to handle this position now. God is saying to Eve that she will be tempted and bothered by his rule with her new ongoing desire to take Adam’s authority of dominion over all things.

   Secondly, in Barnes Notes, he says “Adam laid the blame on his wife; but though it was her fault to persuade him to eat the forbidden fruit, it was his fault to hearken to her.” I agree that it was Adam’s fault to hearken to her. God chastised him in Gen 3:17 for “hearkening to the voice of the woman.” Was this said because Adam gave up his dominion by following the instruction of the woman or was it a wisdom warning like Proverbs 31:3? I suggest likely both.

   What I disagree with is that Adam did not pass the buck; he squarely placed the blame where it came from. 1 Tim 2:14 clearly states that “Adam was not deceived” in the Garden, “but the woman being deceived was in transgression.” This ties transgression [sin] directly to being deceived —they are always together, and “Adam was not deceived” so he did not transgress. This is VERY important to understand because they relate to the base character of the man and the woman, and are foundational to understanding all marriage and men/women scriptures.

   Finally, there are 3 conclusions that come out of Gen 3:16+17 and I suggest they are important to understand for the health, for the growth toward maturity of His people into the meat of the Word, because they are the foundation to the marriage relationship, which of course models our walk with Christ:
   1) The man alone has the ‘rule,’ the authority
   2) The woman has built-in desire for that authority, the desire to rule the man
   3) The man has a propensity to ‘hearken to the voice of the woman.’

   The first point models that Christ alone has the authority. The second point models that His church is always trying to steal His authority. The third point does not apply to Christ but I suggest is the primary way that men take on sin in their lives.

   The man and the woman have to resist these carnal desires and inclinations and press hard to keep the commands from God incumbent on each of us. Thanks for tackling tough issues.

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