Admitting Her Part in His Adultery

Admitting Her Part in His Adultery

This is an email a woman wrote to me. She gave me permission to share it.

I follow your main page The Transformed Wife. I saw your post teaching women how to handle it when their husbands are committing adultery. My husband committed adultery last year with a girl ten years younger than us. I believe it happened because I was quarrelsome, and I wasn’t letting my husband lead. I believe I did play a part and drove him away because I was never in a good mood when he came home. I wasn’t always a kind person, and I always created tension with his family because he grew up from a split home whereas I did not.

The adultery opened both of our eyes. I relied heavily on God during my dark hours. Even when things weren’t going my way and I knew he was doing something fishy, I still prayed. I started reading your books and reading “Love Dare” and implementing everything that I’ve learned, even when my husband was unkind to me. I began submitting to him and loving him during that time.

The affair lasted two and a half months. We are still married and healing. I put his needs above mine. I now get along with both sides of his family and just stay out of the drama. I let my husband vent to me about his family and say nothing harmful. So much changed within a year, Lori, and I can’t thank you and your teachings enough. Because of this, we will be renewing our vows hopefully next year. My husband still isn’t saved, but I continue to pray to God about it. He’s done so many things for me in the last year, and I’m so grateful for it.

My advice for those women in the same situation is to pray like your life depends on it. What their husbands are going through like mine is a spiritual battle. Satan hates marriages and will do anything to destroy them. He tried to destroy mine and wasn’t successful nor will he ever be. I’m not a perfect Christian by any means. I still have a lot of work to do, but I’m working on it. I just know how much God doesn’t like divorce and I stand by that, so I fought for my marriage by earnestly and consistently praying to God and reading His Word.

Many women are mocked for staying and are called weak. These women that stay and fight for the marriages need to know that they are far from being weak. They are strong, more than they know; for God gave them that strength. I will also say it depends on the situation. If a partner is a continuous serial cheater and seeks no help, I wouldn’t know how to advise to that. I’ve seen testimonies of some men changing from that but not many. I just know how to help women that choose to stay, and it’s by submitting to their husbands as God commands in 1 Peter 3:1,2.

My husband admitted to me that my attitude was a big issue for him, and I would put him under so much pressure when it wasn’t needed. Since then, our marriage has been wonderful, and I owe it to God. I’ll pray for those marriages that are going through it. I’m just against divorce and love to see things change for the good. My generation and younger are getting worse and worse.

I will say I don’t necessarily agree with people who always pin it on a spouse and say it’s all their fault. I disagree because I felt like I drove mine away but fortunately, he came back. I apologize for the rambling. I just saw your on this topic, and I had to message you about it. Again, thank you for all you do.

Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
1 Peter 3:1,2

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