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Author: Lori Alexander

Abandoning Children to Work Outside of the Home is a Violation of Scripture

Abandoning Children to Work Outside of the Home is a Violation of Scripture

Preached By Pastor John MacArthur

Young women are to be workers at home…workers at home. What does that mean? That means what it says, workers at home, home workers. God must have written that for our day when millions and millions and millions of women are working mothers outside the home. Millions of them have young children. In fact, the statistics of the number of women who work outside the home and have children under three is staggering; it’s something like a third of all mothers with children under three work outside the home.

You wonder why there are delinquents? This is a very fascinating term, workers at home, oikourgos from ergo, to work; and oikos, home, work at home. Your task is at home. A woman’s task, a woman’s work, a woman’s employment, a woman’s calling is to be at home.

I mentioned 1 Timothy 5:14, “I want younger widows,” of course implied here, but it touches then all women, “to get married, younger women, get married,” that’s where I got my introduction. Get married! Bear children! You hate this: Keep house! That’s what it says. Get married, bear children, keep house and give the enemy no cause, no occasion for reproach. A married woman is in a safer place, a more spiritually beneficial place, a more protected place. She must care for her husband; it’s a more selfless place. And she must care for her children and it’s again more selfless.

This isn’t hard to figure out. This is a divine principle. Abandoning children to work outside the home is a violation of Scripture. You say, “Well, my kids aren’t home while I’m at work.” That’s not the point. That doesn’t change the obligation because they went to school. It’s the home that you prepare when they aren’t there that makes the home a home. If you arrive when they arrive and leave when they leave, it’s unlikely that the home will be the kind of home the children need.

Working women contribute to lost children, delinquent children, children who have lack of proper understanding of God-ordained roles in the home, terrible decline, drugs. We don’t even talk about the working woman phenomenon of adultery and divorce. And for a woman to be the bread winner…you say, “Well, our house payment requires two jobs. We both have to work.” Then get another house and have a family.

In fact, for men, 1 Timothy 5:8 says, “If anyone…meaning a man…doesn’t provide for his own, especially for those of his household, he’s denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” The point is the man is the provider and the protector and the security and the woman is there to care for the children and the home. Working outside removes her from under her husband and puts her under other men to whom she is forced to submit.

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
1 Timothy 5:14

***Here is another great sermon by Pastor Robert Reed on Keepers at Home.

***Here is a YouTube I made yesterday about the blessings of having my mother be a keeper at home even after all of her children were raised.

When Women Were Happy in the Home Without the World’s Smiles and Favors

When Women Were Happy in the Home Without the World’s Smiles and Favors

Before feminism and birth control, children were valued in America. The woman’s place in the home was valued and so was the man’s place as protector and provider. America was founded upon biblical principles and this is what made it great for many years because God’s ways are good, and acceptable, and perfect. Most today, even Christians, don’t value children and think that having only a few children is all couples should have.

This mindset is from feminism and birth control (Margaret Sanger – an agent of Satan) which influenced women to believe that it was their right to be liberated from the “tyranny” of reproduction and domesticity. Is this belief from God and is it biblical or is it from something sinister and evil; women being convinced they should have full control over their childbearing as the feminist’s leaders who hated marriage and children proudly proclaimed?

“University of Oklahoma historian, Robert Griswold, cited an article published in the San Mateo Gazette in the mid-19th century that states, ‘Woman is set in the household and man is sent out into the world.’ Even a woman of modest means could ‘be happy in the love of her husband, her home, and its beautiful duties without asking the world for its smiles and favors,’ the article argued.'”

Women weren’t dissatisfied in their homes up until and through the 19th century, because this was all they knew. They knew their God-ordained role. Divorce was low. Children were plentiful and were being raised by their mothers from intact homes. Children were valued and most grew up to be emotionally stable and secure. Many families weren’t considered “wealthy” in terms of finances but they were considered wealthy in terms of what matters in life. (I am not trying to romanticize this time in history since I know full well that sin existed and was alive and well but simply pointing out a time in American history when roles were clearly defined and culture at large was better and safer since families were much stronger than they are today.)

Nancy Campbell published this on her Facebook page a few days ago: “In 1831, Alexis de Tocqueville scrutinized America’s religion and government, its society and industry. He wanted to know what caused the United States to surpass Europe as the world’s political and economic superpower.

“His conclusion? WOMEN.

“The women Tocqueville saw were not CEOs or celebrities, politicians, or professional athletes. They were largely confined to the home: cleaning, cooking, taking care of children. But to the young political historian, no position seemed more important. ‘There have never been free societies without morals, and . . . it is the woman that molds the morals,’ he wrote. Tocqueville saw American women as the keystone of the family, the ones who held everyone else together.

“By taking primary responsibility for the home, American women allowed their husbands to fulfill their roles as providers and protectors, and they both worked toward a common goal: STRENGTHENING THE FAMILY. These traditional roles of men and women, maligned today as harmful ‘gender stereotypes,’ are precisely what helped to make America exceptional in Tocqueville’s eyes.”

When Aleixis de Tocquevile made these observations, most children were being schooled at home by their mothers. (It wasn’t until 1918 that all children were required to attend public elementary school.) Before the world wars, the average size of families was six to nine children. Once women got a taste of working outside of the home, these number gradually decreased. The women figured out that the more children they had, the harder it was for them to go out and work. (Ponder this for a moment: Working outside the home became more important for women and still is than bearing and raising children. Who do you suppose was and is deceiving them in this way?) Women now have much less time for their husbands, children, and homes.

“The desire for sexual freedom without the attendant results and the demand for birth control and abortion to be treated as basic human rights – this is rebellion against one of the fundamental jobs which Eve was created to do. On a physical level, we are designed to have babies, and this is so terribly obvious that it is embarrassing. Everything about us is meant for mothering, from being sexually attractive to men in the first place, to be able to conceive, to the ability to weave together another little human being inside of us without even trying, to the breasts that feed the baby, to all the mothering instincts that are hard-wired into us…it is our design” (Rebekah Merkle).

Women will now continually ask about being able to afford having many children and being able to be home full time even though we live in the wealthiest country that has ever existed. God always provides but He doesn’t necessarily provide in advance unless we are willing to step out in faith and be obedient to Him. “I have been young, and now am old; yet have I not seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread” (Psalm 37:25). What about married couples who don’t want children? If you’re called to have sex (which most people are), then you’re called to be married and have children! This is God’s design. Birth control is not.

One woman on Facebook shared this picture from history and wrote the words below it:

This is almost every single man’s and woman’s calling.
This is what families should look like.
This is trusting God.
This is changing the world.
This is what stops Satan.
This is what saves humanity.
#sayYEStoChildren

Say YES to God’s plan for you, women. Say YES to marriage. Say YES to being keepers at home. Say YES to bearing and raising godly offspring who are immortal. Say YES to femininity and contentment in God’s perfect will for you. Say NO to the ways of the world and its empty promises of fulfillment. Say NO to Satan’s lies and his destruction. Say NO to worldly fame and success. Say YES to Christ!

I speak as an older woman now and I can say without a doubt that our children and our grandchildren are our greatest blessings in our lives! Nothing else comes even close. Find joy in God’s calling on your life. Yes, it’s hard but it’s good. You are storing your treasures in heaven and this is all that matters in the end.

Lo, children are an heritage of the Lord: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate.
Psalm 127:3-5

***A post for the single and barren women.

Learning Frugality Takes Practice

Learning Frugality Takes Practice

Whenever I write about women being keepers at home, I undoubtedly get a comment that this is no longer possible. Families NEED two incomes to survive, they proclaim. No, but it may take a lot of sacrifice and hard work to be able to make it on one income.

One young woman asked the women in the chat room this question: “How do you ladies who are stay at home wives/moms make it work with one income?”

Many women responded since many survive on one income but I especially liked Dolly’s answer:

From someone who knows: DO NOT take on any debt except your home. Whatever you have to do or live without. (I believe college debt is most likely the number one reason why most young women can’t stay home with their children.)

Buy the cheapest home you can get that is still in good shape and don’t worry about it being HGTV fixed up for at least the first ten years.

 Use wood for heat. It’s cheaper than any other source and does not increase in price over time as other sources of heat do (electric, oil, etc.).

Move outside of the city and avoid municipal water and lower property taxes.

Grow as much of your own food as you can and learn to can it.

 Take care of the pennies and the dollars will take care of themselves.

Use one vehicle and do groceries one time per week or less.

Use as little power as possible by opening windows and unplugging things when not in use (toaster, etc.).

Switch to LED lights if you haven’t already.

Find enjoyment from frugal activities like making quilts from scraps and thrift shopping.

Make everything from scratch.

Serve all meals with lots of inexpensive sides to fill up on – carrots, potatoes, peas, simple salads, rice, beans. We call this rubber chicken … people will be filling up on sides so much they won’t even notice the chicken is actually rubber. lol 😆

Frugality comes over time as you learn more and more. At first tips like “make coffee at home” and “pack lunches” felt too hard, and now I wouldn’t even stop to think about those things as frugal. Now I’m of the mindset that buying shredded cheese is for rich people! Hahah. I found reading books like The Tightwad Gazette and Miserly Moms really helped me come up with unique ideas to save money.

House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD.
Proverbs 19:14

The Subtle Whoring That Cost Too Much to Be Free

The Subtle Whoring That Cost Too Much to Be Free

A song called I’ve Never Been to Me was written in 1977 but didn’t become popular until 1982. I remember listening to it when I was young but never paid much attention to the words. Ken randomly began singing this song on our walk the other day and told me how much he loved it when he was a teenager so we listened to the song. When Charlene sang the paragraph that I highlighted in bold below, tears sprung to my eyes. How could I have missed these beautiful lyrics (except for the part about fighting with our husband)?

Hey lady, you, lady, cursin’ at your life
You’re a discontented mother and a regimented wife
I’ve no doubt you dream about the things you’ll never do
But I wish someone had a talked to me like I wanna talk to you

Ooh I’ve been to Georgia and California, oh, anywhere I could run
Took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun
But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free
I’ve been to paradise, but I’ve never been to me

Please lady, please, lady, don’t just walk away
Cause I have this need to tell you why I’m all alone today
I can see so much of me still living in your eyes
Won’t you share a part of a weary heart that has lived a million lies

Oh I’ve been to Nice and the isle of Greece
While I sipped champagne on a yacht
I moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo and showed ’em what I’ve got
I’ve been undressed by kings and I’ve seen some things
That a woman ain’t s’posed to see
I’ve been to paradise, but I’ve never been to me

Hey, you know what paradise is? It’s a lie. A fantasy we create about
People and places as we’d like them to be. But you know what truth is?
It’s that little baby you’re holding, and it’s that man you fought with
This morning, the same one you’re going to make love with tonight.
That’s truth, that’s love

Sometimes I’ve been to cryin’ for unborn children
That might have made me complete
But I, I took the sweet life and never knew I’d be bitter from the sweet
I spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that cost too much to be free
Hey lady, I’ve been to paradise, but I’ve never been to me
I’ve been to paradise, never been to me

(I’ve been to Georgia and California, and anywhere I could run)
I’ve been to paradise, never been to me
(I’ve been to Nice and the isle of Greece
While I sipped champagne on a yacht)
I’ve been to paradise, never been to me
(I’ve been to cryin’ for unborn children)
Songwriters: Kenneth W Hirsch / Ronald N. Miller

Did anyone even listen to or learn from the lyrics? It’s pretty much what God commands that I teach! The first comment under this video of the song was written by Melody, “I was married for 16 years to my high school sweetie and we had two precious babies. I ended that because I wanted more. I should have been satisfied with what I had. A wonderful family. But, I ran after dreams. That took me nowhere. I long for the other babies that I should have had. So, this song just isn’t about what you think. It’s simple. It about being stupid and running after dreams, when your dreams are right at home.”

God’s ways are truly best. Even honest unbelievers admit to this being true. Way too many women are spending their lives exploring the subtle whoring that cost too much to be free. I am here to try to convince you that your dreams are right at home, dear women.

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
1 Timothy 5:14

God Commands That You Be Good and You Can Be!

God Commands That You Be Good and You Can Be!

God commands the aged women to teach the young women to be “good” in Titus 3:4. There’s only one way to be good, dear women, and that is to believe what God says about you, to “reckon” it to be true as Abraham reckoned that he was a father of many nations when he was an old man and had no children. “For what saith the scripture? Abraham believed God, and it was counted unto him for righteousness” (Romans 4:3). God wants us to believe what He says about us! Trying to be good without believing what God clearly says about you is simply religion instead of faith.

What does God say about us? For one thing, once we believe in Him, He calls us saints and not sinners (in Philippians 1:1 and every other place that the New Testament authors refer to those who believe in Jesus Christ.)

We are told that we are crucified with Christ in Galatians 2:20. (I encourage you to look up these verses, write them out, and believe them!)

We are buried with Christ in Romans 6:4.

We are raised with Christ in Colossians 3:1.

We are new creatures in Christ in 2 Corinthians 5:17.

We are seated in the heavenly places with Christ in Ephesians 2:6.

Our body is dead to sin in Romans 6:11.

We are alive unto God in Romans 6:11. (We are told multiple times in Romans 6 that we are dead and freed from sin.)

We are the righteousness of God in 2 Corinthians 5:21.

We are free to sin no more in Romans 6:18.

We are free from Satan in 1 John 2:13.

We are overcomers in Christ in 1 John 4:4.

We can do all things through Christ who strengthens us in Philippians 4:13.

Most Christians really don’t believe this about themselves so they go about trying to be good in their own strength. Why go about trying to be good in your own strength when it’s a lot easier to believe what God says about you and walk in the Spirit while the Spirit works in you mightily (Colossians 1:29)?

Believe what God says about you! Reckon it to be so and then live as a believer in Jesus Christ who daily chooses to walk in the Spirit! This is our new lives in Christ, women, and it is glorious. God came to set you free from sin. You can be good because He lives within you and He is good!

Likewise reckon ye also yourselves to be dead indeed unto sin, but alive unto God through Jesus Christ our Lord.
Romans 6:11

***If you want to learn more about your new lives in Christ and what He accomplished on the cross for you, I encourage you to listen to Michael Pearl teach Romans 6-8. It is truly life transforming! (Make sure to have a pen and notebook to take notes! And no, he doesn’t teach “sinless perfectionism” as some have claimed. Before we are saved, we are “in the flesh” but once we are saved we are “in the Spirit.” We can choose to “walk in the flesh” but we are repeatedly told to walk in the Spirit. “But ye are not in the flesh, but in the Spirit, if so be that the Spirit of God dwell in you” – Romans 8:9)

With Age Comes Wisdom and Experience

With Age Comes Wisdom and Experience

The Apostle Paul had a good reason for using the word “aged” when he commanded the aged women to teach the young women in Titus 2:3-5. The aged women have wisdom and experience that the young women don’t have. They have raised their children and have time to teach the young women. A few month ago, I wrote about young women bloggers divorcing and received a few great comments from aged women that may be of interest to you!

Debby in Kansas, as she goes by when she comments on my blog, wrote this: “This reminds me of a Valentine’s day several years ago. My husband and I were watching the news and they had a celebrity couple on to talk about how they keep romance in their lives and their secrets to happiness. We both exploded into laughter because this couple hadn’t even been married six months! At the time, we’d been married 20 or so years…and they’re going to give US advice about marriage?! We both said the same thing. Bring on the couple celebrating 50 years!! The young pups they had were still on their honeymoon!”

Then Kelley responded: “EXACTLY! Ridiculous. Paul taught Timothy that aged women were to teach the younger. While I realize that, if you’re 16, a gal who’s 18 is older than you, Paul didn’t say the ‘older women.’ He said the aged women. There’s the difference.

“When I, too, reflect on the lofty advice and opinions I barked in my 20s and 30s, I blush in embarrassment. In my 40s, I earnestly began hungering and thirsting after a godly wifehood and motherhood. I began quizzing aged women whose husbands demonstratively adored and cherished the wives of their youth. In my 40s, I desired eyes to see and ears to hear.

“In my 20s and 30s, I was a brilliant know-everything. In my 40s, I was ignorant and unlearned. In my 20s and 30s, I called the shots and declared, ‘My way or the highway.’ In my 40s, true life began! I began seeing my husband for the man God made him and wanted him to be, and I began seeing myself as his helper to make that happen.

“Fortunately by the time I had come to myself, my husband had not chosen to leave his oft-foolish wife for some ‘bimbo’ whose words and actions put him first in an (adulterous) relationship. He had chosen to stay with the likes of a rotten wife. God bless that strong, valiant man.

“Younger women bloggers and motivational speakers who have lost their marriages (and their children) have also lost their witness, their voice, their testimony. The choices they made inspired the choices their husbands made: ‘I’m outta here, headed for greener pastures.’ Most of these women have no one to blame but themselves. When you cause the Word to be blasphemed, what do you expect?

“Stay off the computer, younger women, and your devices. Keep the main thing the main thing. GET INTO, climb into, crawl into, hide yourself in the Word of God. Listen to the reaches of godly, aged women. You’ll have no regrets for your own wiser choices then, and a very strong chance of ‘helping’ a grateful, fulfilled husband who sings your praises and children who rise to call you blessed.”

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
Proverbs 31:28

***Picture By Susan Rios

When His Life is Out of Control

When His Life is Out of Control

TheJoyFilledWife and her husband went through some difficult times in their marriage. Her husband was deeply addicted to pornography and it was devastating to her. Often, addictions, such as this, make those who are addicted mean and controlling. During this time, her husband agreed to see a counselor with her and this counselor turned out to be amazing. It’s almost impossible to find one who will teach the hard truths to the husband and the wife but the one they found did. Here are some things she wrote to me about her counselor and what she learned.

You couldn’t be more correct that counselors, like the one we had, are very rare indeed. In fact, my husband and I saw several counselors before we came to the one that the Lord used mightily. They are a gift from God and I never took that for granted for a second.

Truth be told, our counselors were introduced to us through an association that we keep. I would love to share more about them, but that would make it impossible for me to keep my identity anonymous. I may ask them if they recommend any resources for people who are in need of some truly Godly counsel.

One bit of material my husband and I went through individually is the workbook “The Mind of Christ” by T.W. Hunt. I warn you – it is not for the faint of heart! Much like “The Excellent Wife” book, it will challenge you to your core. It will turn you inside out and expose all the sins inside of your heart that you thought weren’t even that big of a deal. Even if your spouse refuses to seek counsel, I recommend that you do this workbook on your own if you want the Lord to do a mighty work in your heart.

The workbook is not easy to find. I had to search on Amazon in the used section to get it. Sometimes it’s available and sometimes it’s not. It will blow your mind and could even overwhelm you, if you don’t seek the Lord’s guidance as you go through it. Ask the Lord to work through each sin in your heart one by one. I couldn’t recommend this enough to the believer who desperately wants a heart and mind transformation to become more like Christ.

My counselor explained to me that my husband felt like his life was out of control and that my rebelling against his unreasonable micromanaging would serve no purpose but to feed the desire to control more. They emphasized the importance of me always checking my heart and that I needed to remain as “behind the scenes” in my habits that angered him as much as possible. If I insisted on putting up a fight, even though he was unreasonable, it would only serve to drive him further away out of feeling like he also was losing his authority in his marriage. I decided to keep snacks in my bathroom drawer and my purse so I could take a few bites while I went out to get the mail or was in the other room. Was he unreasonable to become upset about me eating a slice of bread four hours after my last meal? Yes. But my counselor helped me see that I needed to avoid being a distraction as God worked on my husband’s heart. My husband apologized to me later that night for being controlling about the bread.

Because my husband’s addiction caused him to become a man he wasn’t proud of, he would often take his inner frustrations with himself and project them verbally onto me. He would blame me for things I had no part in, would become angry that I didn’t meet an expectation he had failed to communicate to me, and, on one occasion, belittled me in front of our guests for not having dinner completely ready when he walked through the door with them, even though he had failed to call me and let me know they were heading over, as agreed upon.

My counselor explained to me that my husband was projecting his feelings of failure and inadequacy onto me because he was not happy with himself and the choices he was making. Pornography addictions are built upon a foundation of selfishness and it was easier for my husband to shift blame than to own up to his own failures, when he already was overwhelmed by the shame of his failure to resist his sinful addiction for so long. The counselor guided me to not respond to my husband in front of others or to fight with him when he lashed out at me. Instead, I was to calmly and firmly explain to him, privately, that I was not responsible for the failure he was angry about and how it made me feel when he belittled me in front of others. After that, I was not to carry on or get into an argument, no matter how much he wanted to fight. The counselor warned me to keep my heart and spirit in the right place in these situations, so the devil would not gain a foothold with me and perpetuate the situation further. I was to be an instrument of peace. Not a doormat to walk all over, but a wife with inner strength that uses her tongue to impart peace amidst the war within my husband’s heart.

My husband was very unhelpful with our children during the time of beginning to overcome his addiction and would gripe if I asked him for even a small favor. I did not ask him often, but there were times when I was incapable of accomplishing two things at once and he would refuse to help out. My counselor showed me that taking care of the children was my God-given responsibility and that I could show my husband respect and build him up as a husband by taking on all of the responsibilities in this area and thanking him for how hard he works to provide for us.

I’ll never forget the counselor’s first words to me when I asked what I should do when my husband refuses to help: “Don’t fight a battle that’s not worth dying for!” Those words rang over and over again in my head. God had bigger things to work on in my husband’s heart than unhelpfulness. I did not need to dwell on the smaller things and make them as big a priority as the serious stuff. The small stuff would be ironed out over time after the Lord refined my husband and helped him break the chains of his addiction. We are currently at the place where God is working on the medium to small things now and it has been such a blessing to come home now from running errands to children that have been bathed and put to bed!

During the progression and height of my husband’s addiction, I was denied sexually almost every single time I asked. There was always an excuse made why he couldn’t do it. Usually he would say that he was too tired or in a bad mood, even though he would stay up for hours afterward doing other things. I tried not to nag him about this, but did come to him several different times and let him know that I was struggling greatly with temptation from lack of intimacy in our marriage. He would simply respond, “Maybe in the morning.”

My counselor explained to me that, while my husband was clearly sinning by defrauding me, the selfishness that comes from porn addictions, as well as the fact that he was already meeting his sexual needs through that outlet, was responsible for his sin in refusing me. He had trained his mind to mentally “dispose” of images that no longer excited him in search of a more exciting image. When you train your brain to become aroused by two dimensional images, it’s a lot harder to be interested in your real life relationship with your wife. It had nothing to do with my value as a person or my physical attractiveness, but he literally trained his brain to seek arousal and fulfillment from things that will never satisfy.

When he had just met his own sexual desires in sinful ways, he no longer felt a need for intimacy with me. As hard as it was to do, my counselor told me that when I felt temptation coming on, to go into the other room after my husband falls asleep and work out as hard as I can to release excess energy. Once I finished that, I should spend time in the Word and in prayer for myself and my husband. I needed to memorize Scripture and inundate my mind with the Truth. That was the only way to resist the enemy.

Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord.
1 Corinthians 15:58

*You can read more of TheJoyFilledWife’s posts HERE.

Those Who Have Many Children Shall NOT Be Ashamed!

Those Who Have Many Children Shall NOT Be Ashamed!

“Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate” (Psalm 127:3-5).

A heritage is usually tangible like money or an estate. It’s inherited from someone else. Reward means something is given such as money or a trophy for doing good or winning a contest of some kind. God calls children a heritage and a reward. They are gifts from Him. They are to be valued and treasured above all the stuff this world has to offer.

Happy is the man who has a quiver full of children! Many in our culture try to shame men and women if they have more than one or two children. “You’re overpopulating the earth.” “Don’t you know how to prevent those?” They value the creation over the Creator. God tells parents of many children that they shall not be ashamed! Children are blessings from the LORD!

“Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table.” (Psalm 128) Have you seen a fruitful vine by the sides of a house? It’s usually full of flowers that eventually produces fruit and is beautiful! This is how a wife is described who is open to marrying and bearing children. God calls this good! The children shall be like olive plants around the table. Another good thing!

I looked up the characteristics of olive trees. They are known for their longevity. They’re prolific, indestructible, unparchable, ancient, and sacred (the olive branch). I love that God equated children with olive plants! All the stuff that we are accumulating, the trips we take, our college degrees, our careers, the money we may make, and the things we do are NOTHING in comparison to having children; for they are eternal souls who will last forever.

Godly offspring are indestructible! If raised in godly homes to be Christians, they won’t be affected by our wicked culture because their roots will go deeply into the Word and they will live eternally with the LORD (unparchable). They are the gifts that keep on giving by giving us grandchildren and great grandchildren (prolific). They are gifts from God (sacred). God knew them from the foundation of the world (ancient).

God in His Word has only good things to say about children. It’s His will for married couples to have children and have a quiver full, if they are blessed with them. This is completely opposite of what the world is telling women to do. This shouldn’t surprise us. The prince of the power of the air (Satan) holds many captive in this world and lives to deceive women away from God’s will. He hates marriage. He hates children. He especially hates godly families.

God’s will for young women is to “marry, bear children, and guide the home” (1 Timothy 5:14), to love their husbands and children and be keepers at home (Titus 2:4, 5). It’s a good will, women. In fact, it’s good, and acceptable, and perfect for you! Why would any godly women want anything other than God’s will?

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:9, 10

A Husband Bears NO Responsibility For His Wife’s Submission

A Husband Bears NO Responsibility For His Wife’s Submission

It’s much easier to put the responsibility of a wife submitting to her husband on the husband’s shoulder. After all, most marriage books and pastors teach that if a husband is loving his wife as Christ loves the Church, then it will be easy for a wife to submit to her husband. Or if the husband meets all of his wife’s “needs” then she will willingly submit.

Here is how many preachers/teachers of the Word teach biblical submission: “When husbands are doing what God commands them to do in their marriage and they are doing it rightly and biblically, most wives love it and are happy to respond to it enthusiastically.” Therefore, the wife’s submission is incumbent upon the husband’s behavior. Our obedience to God is NEVER dependent upon someone else! It’s our responsibility to obey God regardless of the circumstances we are in and putting the burden on the husband simply makes it easier for women to shirk their obedience in this area. She then becomes the determiner of whether or not he is worthy of her submission. It is never the husband’s fault if the wife isn’t submitting to him. It’s her fault alone.

I have mentored women for many years. Many of these women are married to kind and gentle Mr. Steady’s but these women wore the pants and were very unhappy with their husbands. Most women’s natural inclination is to want to be in control and be discontent with their husbands. Once they learned true biblical submission, that it has absolutely zero to do with a husband’s behavior, then they learn to appreciate their husbands’ good qualities and begin to submit to them out of obedience to the Lord.

If it were true that wives should only submit to their husbands when their husbands love them as Christ is loving the Church, then what about 1 Peter 3:1? Wives who are married to husbands that are disobedient to the Word are to win their husbands how? by living in subjection to their husbands. So this blows that theory out of the water!

No, a husband can’t make his wife submit to him unless he is cruel and uses force which is wrong. He can tell her to submit to him as her leader but true submission must come from a decision by the wife to obey God even when it’s hard. Obedience to God isn’t easy in our wicked world. Living godly, set apart lives isn’t easy. Walking on the narrow path that leads to life isn’t easy. Living our lives to love and serve others, even our enemies, isn’t easy. No. And for ministers of the Word to water down biblical submission and tell women that their husbands should make it easy for them to submit goes against the clear teachings of the Word. They need to read and study 1 Peter 2.

“For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps: Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth: Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again: when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously” (1 Peter 2:21-23).

A wife’s submission is not always easy. It’s giving up her rights for his. It’s giving up control and allowing her husband to be the leader. Yes, some husbands are a lot easier to submit to than others but this has no bearing on whether or not a wife should submit or not. If she wants to live a life of obedience to her Lord and Savior, she willingly and lovingly submits to her God-ordained authority, her husband, regardless of his behavior.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
Ephesians 5:22-24

Feeling Guilty For Having Sex After Married

Feeling Guilty For Having Sex After Married

Hollywood makes sex out to be absolutely amazing with fireworks the very first time a couple has sex so young people grow up to believe that it must be amazing always, UNLESS they are raised in a godly home by Christian parents. I was out to lunch with some friends the other day and they were all taught to be pure until marriage. They taught their children the same thing. The problem was that they weren’t taught that sex was supposed to be fun and enjoyable once married and they didn’t teach their children, either, so on their honeymoons and for a while after, it was difficult for them to enjoy sex because it was always forbidden in their minds and they felt guilt.

I asked the women in the chat room if any of them were raised this way and felt guilt once they were married and had sex, since I had never heard of this before. I was raised by a mom who clearly let us know that sex was wonderful in marriage and we taught our children the same. Many of the women in the chat room said that they did have guilt feelings concerning sex after marriage and it seems to come from the lack of being taught by their parents.

One woman wrote, “I was raised this way. Sex was never talked about except in terms of waiting till marriage. When I got married, I very much enjoyed sex, however, I had a feeling of guilt I couldn’t shake for probably a few months, like I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to do. I’m determine to have much more open conversations with my daughter.”

Another one wrote, “Yes! I was definitely raised this way and I’ve been married 17 years and still sometimes feel guilty or feel like a bad person when I do have sex with my husband. My mom made me so afraid to have sex that when I actually did (I waited until I was married), I was terrified of it.”

Yet another, “I was told very little but I knew you weren’t supposed to have sex before marriage and my mother said that once you’re married, ‘Everything is okay.’ I didn’t know what ‘everything’ was but I knew it wasn’t bad. Labels like ‘pure UNTIL marriage’ contribute to this issue. I think we are so used to them that we don’t realize what we’re saying. Yes, we are to be pure before marriage but sex in marriage IS pure. We need to teach our children that married sex is an extension of purity and not the end of it.”

The following comment was written by a wise, older woman named Paula on this YouTube about sex after marriage and children: “You treated this subject very tastefully, Kathryn, and this is the opinion from a 70 year old~~not quite Victorian woman! I would like to add that physical intimacy does not always have to be WOW to be beautiful, good for a couple’s health and closeness, and to be rewarding. Just having each other and being able to hold and love each other is a gift. You did not mention performing, but I think some people think that is necessary. Love and caring are key.

“Also, women need to appreciate that their husbands like their bodies and not try to hide them or be embarrassed by them. Do not make negative statements to your husband about your body, and be grateful for any compliments, even when you do not see it the way he sees it. In this case, remembering that ‘love is blind’ is helpful! One more tip, if you will: asking God to give you grace to bless your husband in this way, even while experiencing physical intimacy. This is a prayer He will gladly answer with a ‘yes’.”

Mothers, it’s your responsibility to be open with your children about sex at the proper age. It’s usually when they begin asking questions. You don’t have to go into details (unless they are asking right before they get married) but let them know that they are to be pure before marriage and make sure they know all of the benefits to this. God’s commands are ALWAYS for our best! Then, tell them how wonderful sex is after marriage and how God created it for us to enjoy. Teach your children to not deprive their spouse since this is a command from God (1 Corinthians 7:5).

Make sure your daughters know how very important sex will be to their husbands and that they need to be available to them even if there are times, like after birth, that they must be creative. Help them to make the decision in their minds that this will be a priority in their lives. They need to understand that their husbands should not take the place of a back burner once their children are born. If they have time to watch their favorite TV show or scroll through Facebook, then they have time to bring pleasure to their husband!

May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.  A loving doe, a graceful deer— may her breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be intoxicated with her love.
Proverbs 5:18, 19