Keeping Intimacy Alive When Children are Young

Keeping Intimacy Alive When Children are Young

“Hi Lori, Could you tell me how you did sleep training with your children, why you did it that way, and how you kept intimacy alive with your husband when you had young children. You are a blessing. Thanks in advance. Latisha”

Hi Latisha,

My first baby cried almost every waking moment the first three months of her life. It was exhausting. I needed my sleep desperately. I wonder if a lot of mothers get post-partum depression due to lack of sleep. Sleep is so important for healing and health.

When she was about six weeks old, we let her cry it out. Many are opposed to this method as if crying hurts babies. She cried all day long. What harm could there be in her crying a little bit more to fall asleep? No baby has ever died from crying. Yes, babies need a lot of love and affection, but if they are well fed and their diaper is dry, they can cry a bit.

We would check on her frequently. It only took a few nights before she was sleeping up to six hours a night. We need at least five solid hours for our adrenals to be restored. We did the same with all of my babies. They were all great sleepers all throughout their childhood.

There are some mothers who do a semi-cry it out method. I have heard that Shepherding a Child’s Heart has a book about this. Moms on Call and Taking Cara Babies are great too! Crying tires them out and helps them to sleep better. They learn that when they wake up during the night, they don’t need to cry. They can fall right back to sleep. If you don’t feel right about doing it this way, then don’t. It’s not a sin issue, as many women seem to want to make it.

We never did the family bed. My husband and I are very light sleepers and neither of us wanted our babies in our bed. When they were newborns, I had a little bassinet right next to my bed, so I could just pick them up during the night to nurse them. We wanted our marriage bed for only us.

You must keep sexual intimacy alive even when you have young children! Your husband still needs and wants you. I remember the feeling of giving myself to my children all day long, and the last thing I wanted was to give myself to my husband. But I did any ways, since I knew it was part of a healthy marriage. God commands we don’t deprive each other, so I didn’t.

The best gift you can give your children is a strong marriage. Taking time for your husband is essential! Remember, you were created to be his help meet. Keep renewing your mind with truth rather than thinking negatively about the children and home duties. All of this is what God created you to do, and it’s good. It will reap beautiful fruit!

Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.
1 Corinthians 7:5

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