Written By David J. Stewart
I received the following disturbing e-mail in September of 2005 …
“Hi there, I am married and like being a homemaker, I like to do all the chores and prepare fresh meals. I believe that if my husband is out working he should have a meal ready when he gets home, fresh clothes, and a clean home. The only problem is that my Pastor keeps on saying that I should be out working.
Okay, now my husband is out of work because of back problems, but even when my husband was working my pastor kept on hinting on how I should have a job even though my husband earned enough money for both of us. A women in the church also said I should be out there working as I have no kids, and that she could never stay at home as she hates housework and she would be bored stiff. I manage to fill my day up with lots of stuff but people do not believe me they think I am doing nothing even when I tell them I cook, clean, iron, run all the errands, do a home computer course, and moderate a Christian forum.
“They tell me that you can cook and do all the housework in two to three hours, sometimes a meals takes me two hours to make. Do these type of churches want everyone to work so they get more tithes? My Pastor says that everyone should have a goal in the work place and when you reach that goal, you aim for another; you start out cleaning then aim higher and higher. Is this not worldly thinking? He also says that everyone should work as this is how you meet people and are able to witness, and also work and tithe and the better jobs you get the more you can tithe. If I worked everyday I could never keep my home clean and beautiful and it would be takeaways and microwave meals.
“I am 28 years old and have bean married for eight years I have always been a home maker. Is this wrong if I don’t have children? Should I get a job?”
Here is my reply…
You are thinking correctly. First Timothy 5:14 teaches that a woman’s place is in the home. There is absolutely nothing degrading about a woman being a homemaker (whether she has children or not).
I personally knew a Christian man who encouraged his wife to work a secular job to enable their children to attend a Christian school. As you know, all marriages are under pressure these days. Well, his wife ran off with a man at her job and never came home again. So tragic; the man was totally devastated. She had met a friendly man with no convictions, no ministry, no burdens, and lots of free time…whereas her husband was working a full-time job and also serving the Lord intensely in two ministries. She wanted a good husband but not a godly husband. Had she been in her home instead, I seriously doubt if she would have run off in adultery. I firmly believe that the secular workplace is a dangerous place for a Christian woman. Sometimes meeting other people is a very bad thing, especially when you see them more than your own spouse.
So many pastors have trimmed and adapted their sermons to fit this anti-Christian/anti-family culture we live in today. I commend you for sticking to your convictions and staying at home as a homemaker. Surely, there is nothing wrong with a woman working outside the home, but it is not the best scenario as far as I’m concerned. Other women will criticize you out of jealousy. And you are correct, churches are so desperate for money nowadays that they want those tithes. Let the pastor get a side-job during the week like many other pastors do.
Let me just mention this. You mentioned the work you do at home and that is admirable. However, there is the type wife who stays home and loafs. Her husband is always upset with her because she slacks off and fails to fulfill her responsibilities. This is equally as wrong. A woman who is at home as a homemaker, should be a “homemaker.” Too many women get lazy at home and give their husbands a hard time. It is wrong. A husband should not have to continually ask his wife to do what she has agreed to do in the home. I have also seen this scenario happen in marriages. A wife at home should earn her keep.
I know a man who’s wife is very disorganized and fails to get things done at home, yet he loves her and doesn’t want her to work in the workplace for fear that she’ll change and perhaps leave him one day. Many wives look to their husbands and will do whatever he asks. This places great responsibility upon the husband to be careful what decisions he makes. I have always preferred my wife to stay at home where I know she is safe. There are plenty of piggish men out there who know just how and when to steal a woman’s heart. I trust my wife, but everyone has their day. God is jealous over us, and so should we be over our own spouse.
There is nothing wrong about you remaining at home if you work as a help meet to please your husband. I’m sure Noah’s wife helped him build the ark in many small ways. Surely, she wasn’t manhandling big beams or sawing wood. She helped her husband. This is the ultimate goal of the wife, to please the Lord by pleasing her husband. This should be your only aim, to meet you husband’s needs. This is God’s will for every wife. Before God ever created children or a church, he created the marriage. Your husband comes first, not the pastor or any other human being. So many women place their kids, their mother, their friends, their family, even their pets over their husband…this is wicked!
Hope that helps a bit,
David J. Stewart
I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
1 Timothy 5:14