Your Experience Doesn’t Negate Fundamental Truths
Someone wrote “Children need both parents” above an article on Facebook the other day and some women went ballistic! One woman wrote, “This is a blanket statement. There are parents whose presence hurts their children. Millstones.” Another wrote, “I can attest to the fact that kids do not need both parents. My Dad raped me. And was incarcerated in 2009. I don’t need him. He has just caused pain. My mother has provided sufficient support and love to me and my eight siblings. She is devoted to loving and guiding us.” Others shared the danger of abusive parents so this statement must not be true.
Women, your experience does NOT negate a fundamental truth! Children do NEED both parents. This is a fundamental truth. Numerous studies have proven that children need a mother and father and the harm done to those children who don’t have both. God created a man and a woman to have children. The man is the father of the children and the woman is the mother of the children. Simple biology dictates that children need a mother and a father since it takes a man and a woman to create a baby.
God told Adam and Eve to multiply and fill the earth. It’s His design for children to have both parents. Anyone who doesn’t admit to this basic fact is fooling themselves. Sure, some children have grown up fine without a mother or father but I can tell you that they feel a longing for the parent that they don’t have. It’s instinctual. Children don’t want two mothers or two fathers. They want a mother and a father. They need the characteristics that a male and female bring to their lives.
Yes, there are bad mothers and fathers. Yes, it’s better for children NOT to live with an abusive mother or father but that doesn’t negate the fact that children need both parents. It’s wise women who can understand fundamental truths apart from their experience. I teach women to be keepers at home. Wise women understand that mothers being home full time with their children is the best place for mothers to be even if they can’t do it. I teach women to be submissive to their husbands. Wise women understand that submission is a good thing and creates order in the family. They understand that submission doesn’t cause abuse since ALL of God’s ways are good.
ALL of God’s ways are good even if they don’t work out for you. Wise women understand this. Their past doesn’t keep them from seeing truth and God’s goodness. They would have loved nothing more than having a loving mother and father, being home full time with their children, and living in submission to their good husbands.
And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Romans 12:2
***On Monday, I had an interview with Doug Andrews if any of you are interested in listening!
30 thoughts on “Your Experience Doesn’t Negate Fundamental Truths”
Amen as a person with divorced parents I can attest of the affect. I wish I had a father growing up that was around and a stable home. It caused so many issues that were unseen at the time. No matter what people say you need BOTH parents around just look at the stats when it comes to kids raised with both parents and those with just one.
Kevin,
I am glad that despite your circumstances you have ended up where you currently are! My sister told me I was ridiculous for feeling this way, but I would still be devastated now, as an adult, if my parents divorced.
I think it is so important to be equally yoked in marriage. So important to get to know the person to whom you will spend your life with.
My children were blessed to have a mother and a father. Until I was cast out as their mother chose to pursue a (secret to me) lesbian life. My daughters were then normalized (sic) into the new alternative community with the acceptance, encouragement and rewards of our perverse legal system.
I pray for them everyday. Today at mass I listened to words that brought me hope:
“For you have given your children a sacred time
for the renewing and purifying of their hearts,
that, freed from disordered affections,
they may so deal with the things of this passing world
as to hold rather to the things that eternally endure.”
Those poor lost people did need both parents. One just happened to fail to be a good parent and they’re bitter over that void…
Thank you Lori, for highlighting this crucial element. Truth is absolute and independent of anecdotal evidence and personal experiences because it is given by an absolute sovereign God.
I remember reading a blog years back where a wife wanted more children but her husband did not and she was asking how to proceed and this prominent Christo-feminist author told the querying wife that rather than giving her definitive biblical guidance she would “tell her own story” at which point she proceeded to give her a cringe worthy word salad of her own experience devoid of biblical truth. Poor wife must have been worse off for it, but I digress.
In today’s society we often have people trying to qualify the truth on the basis of what they have observed in theirs or other people’s lives and ending up with a “what works for you, may not work for others” or “that may be true for you, but it is not true for me” approach to life. It’s obvious that two or more people with differing opinions about the same subject cannot all be right, naturally one of them is right and the other wrong.
For example you assert (and Biblically accurately) that children need both parents. Some women come in with their differing (and wholly truthful) personal experiences to the contrary. So how are we to reconcile the two opposing opinions? By recognizing that in the beginning God made a perfect creation where indeed children would have dwelt in harmony with both their loving dependable parents. However, because of the sin of Adam (and our own sin, thereafter) the world is no longer perfect (hence single parenthood, abusive parents, anonymous sperm donors, divorced parents etc). Consequently, one’s personal experience of family life may be tainted by the consequences of sin. This doesn’t negate God’s original intention for family life but rather knowing His plan teaches us our duty and shows our need of a Savior because we can do NOTHING good without the help of the Holy Spirit who comes to dwell in us when we repent of sin and believe in Christ alone for salvation; following which, He enables us to lead holy lives, leaving behind the ravages of whatever sin fueled personal experiences we endured and laying hold of God’s promises for restoration by obeying His Word for the rest of our lives.
Everyone has an element of their lives that was or is contrary to the perfection required by God’s word. The right response is not to try and justify our individual unique circumstances but rather to recognize that we fall short (sometimes through no fault of our own) but Hallelujah we have a Redeemer who makes ALL things new.
Ladies don’t blush, feel ashamed and defend yourself when your faults or disadvantages are highlighted, instead, in humility, rejoice that the Lord God Almighty has loved you in your lowly less than ideal circumstances and He has called you out of the darkness into His light. The darker your life experiences, the more joy you should be filled with for your salvation and the bolder your defense of the Truth which set you free, whether you previously lived it or not. The apostle Paul didn’t try to justify the unique circumstances that led to him being a murderous threat to the nascent church; he owned it and called himself the “chief of sinners” and said,
13 Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead,
14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. (Philippians 3:13, NASB)
No matter where you were when God redeemed you, press on beloved sisters, press on.
Very true, many women (And men) make the logical reasoning error of “appeal to anecdote”, thinking that their experience is true for everyone. It rarely is.
Amen to that, Kevin
I agree – children need BOTH parents in their lives! My childhood (and my brothers) was affected due to not having a father figure. My father died from cancer when I was very young (4). My mother didn’t remarry or date -I don’t think the thought ever crossed her mind! She raised 4 children under the age of 15, alone. She did an excellent job providing for us; however, a male presence in our lives would have been helpful, especially for my brother.
Depriving a kid of one or more parents should only be done when the outcome is worse. I’ve made this comparison before, but sometimes it is necessary to amputate a limb to save a person’s life; however, you don’t do it because the person’s limb is scratched or bruised; it causes a great deal of trauma; and it is a life-altering treatment.
AMEN!!!
One wonders how they would react to a single father showing up in the comments clamoring that he proves children don’t need a mother…
I’m so sorry about the loss of your father at such an early age.
I’m newly married and have no children (yet!) but I can’t imagine myself as a widow, trying to raise little ones, be keeper of the home, provide for my babies, and somehow find the time/place to meet a man to date and remarry. I’d be heartbroken over the loss of my spouse, and what Christian man would want the responsibility to become a father to children that aren’t biologically his, and marry a non-virgin?
It’s a good post. I don’t like people saying that a child with a parent that has died, is the same as a child with divorced parents. It’s not the same. I’ve been a widow and known divorced women, the 2 situations are very different. The conversations with children in those 2 situations are very different. Widows and orphans are about grief and heaven. Divorced or never married with children are about sin and rejection. Jesus had Joseph as well as Mary while he was a child. A single girl with a baby, whether because of rape or otherwise, doesn’t have to stay unmarried. It may be harder to find a husband but it’s not impossible. A child growing up with one parent when they could have had two parents, is robbing the child of a blessing that God wants them to have.
Hello, Lori. I just wanted to let you know how very much I appreciated your interview on YouTube. I will continue to pray for you and the ministry God has given you. I can forward your posts to others and feel like this is a way in which I can teach younger women too!?
Sarcasm on – You mean like saying children do not need a mom because moms are abusive and cruel to children.
Moms are abusive because they drop their 2 month old child at a daycare which tends the child 10 hours a day (1hr travel in morning, 8hr work, 1hr travel in evening) So 5-6 days a week she only sees the child 2-3hr a day.
Moms are abusive because instead of giving her child real food, breast milk, she gives them fake food.
Moms are abusive because they kill children before they are born, even lobby for killing after they are born.
Moms are abusive because they have their children in school activities 5-6 days a week and 8-10hr a day.
Moms are abusive because they dress their daughters like porn stars and their boys like drag queens.
Moms are abusive because……..
Well you get the idea. – Sarcasm off
Children need both parents!
Thank you, Holly!
I’m so sorry. I’ll pray for your children, too.
There is a huge difference between a widow and a divorcée. However, many widows decide not to remarry because they already had one husband, and sometimes older children may resent a replacement. If I were widowed, I would look to my brothers-in-law and other families to provide the male presence necessary for my children before I would look for another husband — firstly, because I’m a one-man woman and I don’t want another husband; secondly, because my older children would probably resent him. However, since my oldest children are nearly adults, I would not need a second father for my children when their brother would do just as well providing the male role model for his younger siblings. He might resent a stranger coming into his father’s place and it might disrupt his relationship with his siblings. So I would not do it.
Regardless of the circumstances, I disagree lumping a situation in which death takes a parent right alongside a choice to divorce. They are completely different. In the situation of widows, that is a case in which the biological children and the virgin would become idols and you are worshipping that instead of God.
As a divorced woman who has two young boys (who’s biological father lost his paternal rights via the courts), I am very blessed to have found a Christian man to marry and to step into the role of the father of my children. I urge you to be careful about saying that a Christian man wouldn’t want a non-virgin with children. I agree that ideally, most people would want a marriage that provides children with the person they first gave themselves to. However, because we are imperfect beings who all fall short of the glory of God, life doesn’t always work out that way. Those who have sinned more than you are no less worthy of redemption. We all need to be gentle to each other as we are dictated to do by the teachings of Jesus.
What interview? Would you link to it?
If you’re referring to the interview I had, here it is!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MGXC6J9-3qk&t=1184s
Children need both parents. Amen to that.
Now what is the major cause that this does NOT happen? It’s divorce. Since the introduction of no-fault divorce, 70% of divorces are initiated by women (twice as much as men). This is the same for Christian women and non-Christian women alike. It’s women who have demanded access to abortion, and who are the sole authority to decide to have one. Since the introduction in the ’70s, worlwide about 2 BILLION children have been murdered by their own mothers. The number of deaths due to wars is throughout all the centuries, is magnitudes smaller.
So not only are women deriving children of their own fathers, they have a bigger chance of getting murdered by their own mothers, than getting killed in war.
Why are women so evil?
Wow! What a post, and what a thread!
As a 44 yr old SAHM, raising 5 children 5-14, I found myself a sudden widow due to a work related heart attack. What a shock to my family’s system it was!
About 15 seconds after the doctor told me my husband had died, I heard the still small Voice telling me He would be my Husband, and the Father to my children. (It wasn’t audible, it was louder than that.) And He has been!! I can’t emphasize enough how faithful God has been.
But, oh wow! I also can’t emphasize enough how much there has been a huge hole in our lives. For 6 1/2 years God has been faithful in ways too numerous to begin to list. But oh how we have needed a man here! I am NOT equipped to be human father, provider, and protector!
There is still a huge hole in our lives and anyone who says children don’t need both parents don’t know what they are talking about.
Yes, you go on, but it’s not the same. It’s survival mode. It’s choosing joy, rather than joy coming naturally. It’s days of not keeping up bc you have no-one to help shoulder the load. It’s a woman having to shoulder a man’s load. It’s watching your sons (of which I have 4) struggle bc there is no-one there to teach them how to be a man. It’s watching your daughter with a huge hole in
her heart bc her daddy’s girl heart no longer has a daddy to cuddle her on his lap, and knowing she won’t walk down the isle on her daddy’s arm one day…
Oh goodness, I could go on, but you get the point. There is a huge hole that can only be filled by a man, being a godly man. It makes me so sad when people say it doesn’t matter. It does!
I believe in the sovereignty of God to the point that I know this is for our good, and His glory, and so I thank Him for leading us into, and down this road, but it’s not been easy.
Kids need a Daddy and a Mama!
I agree, Jamie. My mother was divorced against her will. She always felt the stigma. And there are, unfortunately, those who believe that women who divorce get all sorts of goodies and prizes. Not so. It’s a grueling, often poverty-dogged, existence to make ends meet and deal with huge custody messes. Even in a so-called “good” divorce.
Thanks for the reminder that we must always act in charity.
I am so sorry for your loss but thank you for your honesty.
Not all women are evil, Paul, just those who have turned their backs on God’s ways and go their own way.
Dear Lori,
Thank the Lord for that!
But the observation stays; why is it that predominantly women drive these evils?
I think it will tell us something valuable about the nature of women, which is condensed in the NT teachings.
Eve’s curse is affecting ALL women. It was Eve who wanted to gain wisdom to be like God, determining good and evil, and seduced her husband into following her into sin.
Isn’t that exactly what has happened in countries all over the world? Woman has demanded the right to do evil, calling it good, and man has given it to her, following her into sin.
Or to put it another way: “An anecdote is not an argument”
I’ll second that Amen!