Train, Train, Train Your Children
“Were any of your children high strung as kids? Our youngest daughter has been like that since she was born. She’s highly intelligent, perceptive, and fun-loving, but she’s got this extremely finicky, high-strung, dramatic and overly sensitiveness about her that is really a struggle for me to figure out how best to handle. If she spills a tiny bit of water on herself, you’d think it’s the end of the world and she absolutely has to change her clothes or she’s miserable. She is very picky about what she likes and doesn’t like (especially food), even though we require her to eat what’s in front of her.
She’s very dramatic and I was just not like that at all so I have a hard time figuring out where she’s coming from mentally. She is definitely my most affectionate child, but she also can get easily irritated when people touch her when she doesn’t want them to. What do you think? Is this something you think she will outgrow or do you think there’s something more here? Would love your advice! She just turned three a few weeks ago.”
Ken’s advice to her is to train, train, train. You see the flaw, go after it by talking, reasoning, and taking the appropriate action to help them to get over it. For instance, if she has water on her clothes, I would make her to continue to wear the clothes and behave properly. After a few minutes, take a hair dryer to dry it and talk to her about how that wasn’t so hard. “Why do have to overreact when there is a simple solution?”
Don’t let her make a big deal about anything that isn’t a big deal without a strong, level-headed response of working through it and speaking truth to her. But most importantly, I would follow up with her three times that day, the next day, and the day after to talk to her about that incident and how it really wasn’t something to get upset about, was it? “So what are you going to do next time you spill water on yourself?” Maybe, even tell her she will receive a reward if she deals with it properly next time. Catch her doing it the right way and praise her for it.
If you have a child who refuses to acknowledge an adult/friend that is with you when they say “Hi” to your child (because the child thinks she is shy), teach your child to say “Hi” right back in a warm and friendly way and answer any questions the adult asks them. Anything you see in your child that is a bad habit, bad behavior, or anything that is not good, train them consistently until they behave kindly and properly. In doing this, you will make their life as an adult much better and this is what parents are called to do with their children.
Train up a child in the way he should go:
and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6
4 thoughts on “Train, Train, Train Your Children”
Lori,
This advice is spot-on. Bright three year old girls can definitively handle this type of training and in time learn to respond appropriately. Adding an appropriate Bible verse to quote together will hide the Word in that little mistaken heart, too.
Moodiness must not be tolerated in the home. “Why?” questions, however, have the potential to go into arguments, versus stating how it is to the child. “Next time that happens, you will do…” My three-year-olds would’ve gotten out the blow dryer by themselves, and that could’ve been dangerous.
“No whining.” If I hear you whine again you will copy/memorize a verse about being thankful and grateful/you must find three nice things to say about ________.
And Mum should record how she is training the child. Your “three more times a day” should be recorded, and what was the child’s response. Homework is required to train children– parent and child homework! It’d be eye-opening for the child to READ that record as a story, then discuss how she responded incorrectly and how should she have responded, etc.
Profound: “Catch her doing it the right way.” Notice her walking in Truth. “THIS TIME you did not whine, sweetie. How did it feel to control your words?”
And refusing to acknowledge an elder, in a word, this is pride. It’s bound up in the heart of someone who refuses to esteem another person. That must be dealt with immediately and other-esteem can be practiced and trained for at home. On the island of Guam, respect for ANYone older than you is taught from infancy. It is AMAZING!
And you’re right, Lori: the mannerly child will be a joy to her teachers, friends, and especially her future mate! Bottom line: “The Lord was pleased with how you handled that, sweetie. His Word says _______ about that, so you obeyed His Word. Good job!”
*hugs*
Kelley~
For what it’s worth…it sounds as though this child may have some sensory processing difficulty. While we must train our children to manage these strong reactions (and not melt down), it is helpful to understand the underlying cause. You may want to research tactile defensiveness. I speak from experience as a homeschooling mother of three children – two who have sensory issues. I have found addressing the very real physical issue along with teaching obedience and self control to be effective. Blessings to you!
Misty, I thought the exact same thing. We have six children, two with sensory issues. I have a son who would lose it if his clothes got wet. Even one drop, when he didn’t even see it get on him (we secetrly tested him to be sure he wasn’t just being difficult). Honestly it was horrible, for the whole family. With training and a whole lot of patience, he VERY slowly was able to handle being a tiny bit wet. Now at 15, he rides around through huge mud puddles on his souped up riding lawnmower! Training yes, but sometimes there are other things that come into play that also need consideration.
aaw, bless her! She will get over her fears as she grows older, I have seen it happen in children. God can use that sensitive nature for good. I expect she will become a very passionate lady one day.