How to Deal With a Husband Addicted to Porn
Written By Amber from One of My Facebook Groups
Pornography is incredibly difficult to quit. It is a very real addiction that rewires the brain. If your husband is open to accountability software, by all means use it. We use covenant eyes. It works on all of our devices. But do not put your trust in software. No software works 100 percent of the time. There is always a way around it.
If your husband is open to Christian counseling, do it. But not marriage counseling, counseling for him. He will need help to learn how to overcome addiction, strategies for rewiring the neuropathways in the brain, and help to see the damage caused by this sin.
Whether or not he is open to the types of help I mentioned, there are three incredibly important things you MUST do:
1. Stop looking. Seriously, do not check up on your husband. Don’t look at his likes or browser history. Men find this very disrespectful. It’s not your job to catch him in sin or convict. Leave that work to the Holy Spirit. The Lord sees everything.
2. Pray for your husband. Pray for him continually. Every time you think of him pray.
3. Be a good wife; obedient to all the commands the Lord gives to wives. You must show him respect and submit to him.
It’s not easy to do these things but remember that your trust is in the Lord. You don’t have to trust your husband, but you must always show him respect and submit to him. Do not bring up the past.
These things are as much for him as they are for you. Knowing if he is doing what is wrong isn’t helping you be a good wife. It isn’t helping you to give to your husband cheerfully. It isn’t helping you to trust in the Lord.
I have walked this road and helped many other women walk it as well. The Lord will help you.
Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.
1 Peter 3:1,2
3 thoughts on “How to Deal With a Husband Addicted to Porn”
I have also walked this path. My husband confessed his sin of pornography after I had been battling with a debilitating disease for 1 year. During that year, and for a time after that, I wasn’t physically able to be available. This news of his pornography broke my heart. But praise the Lord, he gave me the ability to forgive my husband. It was not easy to let go. But I had to realize me not letting go was hurting me, my husband, and the plan God had for us. I prayed a lot, read my Bible, and read a book called Every Heart Restored. My husband wanted an accountability program called Covenant Eyes. We use that to this day. We don’t talk about this subject to one another, or to others; it would disrespect my husband deeply. To have a trustworthy, biblical Titus 2 woman would be wise, but even if you don’t have that, I know the dearest of friend who will help you: Jesus Christ! Through the blood of the Lamb we have gotten through it. Praise the Lord for HIS faithfulness.
I’m on this road right now.
My husband is not only addicted to porn but women in general. In the last year I have caught him on Tinder a hook up app, many times. It’s currently at the point where he is using a second phone for all his sexual sins and told me if I don’t want to put up with it, I can leave.
To still love and submit and bless my beloved husband while he is constantly cheating on me has taught me the biblical definition of long suffering. My husband is in chains, he is sick, but he is my covenant husband and I believe God is fighting for me and giving me the strength and love to help win him back to the LORD as He asks us to do in 1 Peter 3:1-2. It takes a daily miracle in me to do these things with a broken heart, while I wait for God to perform the miracle in his heart. Thank you for sharing these tips, you’re absolutely right, we may not trust our husbands but we trust the One who created our husbands and the One who can break any chain of addiction.
From Lori: I will be praying for you. The joy of the Lord is your strength and His Spirit works mightily within you.
I have knowledge of this topic, perhaps more than I wish. Porn addiction comes in two flavors, the first is the kind that the man wishes to cease and the kind he wishes to continue.
The first eats his conscious alive, the second rots his mind. For the husband who doesn’t care to quit porn, there is no solution. But for the husband who does, all this talk of brain rewiring and therapy are not necessary and actually speak to the ignorance of those suggesting they matter. No offense intended, but this isn’t widely published knowledge… Believe me I searched for 20 years. The issue with your man using porn when he wishes to quit is that he doesn’t realize it is entirely toxic and nets no benefit but for as long as the release it stimulated. Said another way, porn is bleach, you don’t drink a cup to cure your thirst, no matter how thirsty you are. Your man suffers for ignorance, not for some idea of “addiction”. I struggled in coming back to porn for 20 years, then I read the easy peasy method by hack author (look it up, it is a free PDF) and I used porn a hand full of times after and never looked back. And I feel no desire to go back, because porn is like drinking bleach. Skip the counselors, skip the porn blockers, skip all that nonsense. If a man wants to quit he doesn’t need any of that nanny noise to ” beat his addiction “, he needs knowledge. No amount of will power or nanny tools will keep him clean.