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Dating is the Breeding Ground For Fornication

Dating is the Breeding Ground For Fornication

Modern dating is simply another name for sexual immorality and has damaged the institution of marriage which requires faithfulness and commitment. It leads to divorce and devastation instead. In an article I read recently, a man who is not a believer says that dating is a failure and doesn’t work to find a life partner. (I will not link to it because of the bad language in it and I do not agree with what he believes.) He says the only good part about dating is that it is great for finding short-term sexual partners. The women give him sex by the first to third date. Yes, he enjoys it for the short term but thinks about how many other guys she has had sex with then realizes that she isn’t marriage material. He would rather remain single than marry a woman who has been sexually promiscuous with many men.

A curious thought seeing that he, too, has slept with so many women outside of marriage. Dating for sex cheapens the marriage bed for both parties and defrauds their future spouses. Unfortunately, the Church isn’t doing much better than the culture in the dating and marriage arena. Many young Christian couples are living together before marriage and the divorce rate is still way too high among Christians.

Dating isn’t a great invention. Allowing two members of the opposite sex to go out and spend hours alone together without any accountability is a recipe for disaster. When kissing begins, the motors start to rev up. Kobe Bryant was asked when his daughter could start dating and he replied, “She can date when she’s married.” Dating has led to many harmful things like STDs which can cause sterility, alcoholism, selfishness, broken hearts, and on and on the list goes. None of these things prepare the young people for marriage, faithfulness, or commitment.

One woman in the chat room had this to say about dating: “Modern dating is not only a breeding ground for sexual immorality, but also heartbreak. I am beyond thankful that when I reached the age where I was ready to ‘date’ I knew that it was important to do so intentionally and with marriage in mind. My first boyfriend ended up being my husband!

“My philosophy for dating was first to guard my heart (Proverbs 4:23). My husband and I set boundaries (physical and emotional) from the very beginning. We also wanted to be poured into by older, wise believers who had walked the road we were walking. We surrounded ourselves with wise counsel. I’m blessed to have parents who walk with the Lord and were very involved in this process as well. We were (and still are) friends with couples that were older and wiser than us. In hindsight, there are boundaries that I think I would change if I could do it over again (I don’t think I would have even kissed him before marriage), but overall I think our intentions were in the right place.

“I think it is unwise to spend lots of time alone with one another in private. That just breeds temptation. It would be wiser to get to know one another in groups or with family/friends nearby. Of course, there are private conversations that may need to be had before marriage, but that could easily be done over the phone or in a public place like a restaurant or coffee shop.

“One thing I tell Christian girls who are dating and ask me about boundaries is that I would rather be overly caution with boundaries than under cautious and end up in sin. Sexual sin is a sin that the Bible tells us to FLEE from. We shouldn’t be asking, ‘How far can I go?’ or ‘How close can I get to the line without going over it.’ We should be asking, ‘How can I best glorify God in this?’ and ‘How can I strive towards holiness in this?’ There is plenty of time in marriage to explore sexual intimacy and get to know one another’s bodies, so save this for where God intended it to be.”

In regards to this man’s article that I referred to at the beginning, I have no answers for him. When there’s no moral foundation like Jesus Christ and godly principles to live one’s life by, everyone sets up their own moral standards which change over time. I feel badly for culture at large and what has happened to the marriage institution when in times past, most couples, even unbelievers, married out of high school and would remain married until death do they part. No, they might not have been “happily married” but they knew about faithfulness and commitment which marriage is truly about.

It’s a huge blessing to be married for many years (almost 39 years now). It’s a blessing to raise children together and enjoy the tremendous blessing that grandchildren bring. No, I don’t think that modern dating is healthy nor good. It provides way too much sexual temptation so while raising your children, you are going to need to talk to them a lot, teach them the truth of God’s Word and what He expects of them since His ways are perfect, and set boundaries with their protection in mind. If you have trained and disciplined them well, and they respect and love you, they will appreciate the boundaries and be protected from the modern day dating scene.

Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body.
1 Corinthians 6:18

More Problems with Daycare

More Problems with Daycare

Last week, I wrote a post about the problems with daycare. When I saw all of the comments being made on Facebook under this post, I came up with a few more problems. For one thing and most importantly, God commands mothers be the ones to bring their children up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. Yes, this command is given to fathers but as our husband’s help meet, we are to help him in this area since we are the ones home full time with the children.

Who will train them if the children are away from their mothers all day long five days a week? Who will discipline and correct their bad behavior? Who will praise them when they choose to do the right thing? Who will read them Bible stories and point them to Jesus all throughout the day? How will they see godly womanhood modeled if they aren’t with their godly mothers full time? How will the daughters grow up wanting to be wives and mothers at home if they don’t see their own mothers doing this? They will want careers instead because this is all that is modeled to them by the world. We need more mothers at home not less. We need less career women and more mothers!

Another thing, what about the high cost of daycare? Yes, I know some in the government are trying to get “free” childcare but nothing is ever free from the government. Someone is paying for it and the higher taxes will only mean that more mothers must leave their homes to pay the higher taxes. No one wins in this situation! It will also encourage more women to work since childcare is “free.” No, providing “free” childcare is not the answer.

I was talking to a young woman recently and she said that a very nice childcare near her home costs $30,000 a year! A mother could easily stay home instead of paying this high cost. I encourage every mother who is working outside of the home to figure out exactly how much income she brings home after deducting the costs of daycare, wear and tear on the car, extra clothing, gas, food that she can’t prepare from scratch, not having time to compare prices and shop frugally, and so on. The amount that she brings home may be much less than she thinks and she may be able to find a way to live simply and frugally within her husband’s income.

On this previous post about daycare, I was accused of “mommy shaming” and judging working mothers. So not “mommy shaming” is more important to women today than teaching what is best for children? How is it “mommy shaming” and judging to teach women God’s will for them? Did you know that it’s not bad to feel shame when confronted with the truth? Instead of feeling conviction when they hear the truth being taught, they are offended and call the one teaching it judgmental and shaming. Our culture makes shame feel like a horrible thing but if it causes people to reconsider the path they are on and begin obeying God, then it’s a good thing!

If some were to tell me that at my age and with no children in the home, I should go back to teaching full time, make money, and do “something” with my life, I would feel absolutely no shame because I know I am right where I am supposed to be. If you know you are doing the right thing, then no one can make you feel any shame!

The Apostle Paul wrote about causing shame when confronting people with truth (1 Corinthians 6:5). If a mother knows she is doing the best she can do and still must work outside of the home, then she should feel no shame. Yes, she will probably still feel guilt and regret while continuing to seek the Lord in making a way for her to come home, but she will freely admit that she knows that it would be far superior to be the one home with her children rather than put them in daycare. She understands that God’s ways are best even if she can’t do them at this point in her life.

Throughout the years that I have been mentoring and teaching women, many have told me that they have gone home to be with their children. Some had no idea how they were going to make it financially but they took a step of faith and went home. They saw God’s provision every step of the way. Sometimes, their husband’s received a pay raise or a better job. Sometimes, they found a way to make money from home but how will one ever know how God will answer abundantly above anything they can ever ask or think if they never take a step of faith in the direction that He calls them to do?

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think, according to the power that works within us.
Ephesians 3:20

Problems With Daycare For Children

Problems With Daycare For Children

Just writing out the word “daycare” is heartbreaking to me. Aren’t babies and young children supposed to be in the care of their own mothers during the day? Don’t these children mourn being torn apart from their mothers every morning? Don’t these mothers miss not seeing their children every day five days a week?

What are some other problems with daycare? Let’s examine a few:

First, they cause a MASS spread of illnesses causing parents lost sleep, lost work, taxpayer money for the heathcare provided, and most importantly, a constantly uncomfortably sick child. From the article: “One of the things I found most challenging was that day care seemed to be like a petri dish for bacterial and viral infections. I was warned by other working moms to brace myself for the ‘day care funk.'” No, thank you! I encourage mothers to not even have to think about the ‘day care funk’ by not putting their children into daycare in the first place. A child who is cared for at home by their mother has a much better chance of being healthy and having a healthy immune system which fights illnesses and disease. She has time to fix her child nourishing food. The mother will be able to completely control what their child eats. Babies and young children don’t need sugar. They do fine without any sugar. In fact, they do better!

The children can sleep in as long as they need instead of having to wake up early in the morning. Sleep is vital to good health. The children can also take a long nap or two in the quiet of their own home. Throughout the day, the mother will be by the baby’s side to make sure that what goes into their mouth doesn’t have the saliva of a bunch of other children. They can play freely when they need to play and cuddle with their mama when they want to cuddle. They can go shopping with her and have their mama right by their side throughout every day.

Around six months old until about two years old, a child is extremely attached to their mama. In fact, I was just with one of my grandbabies for my mother’s funeral and this eight month old granddaughter of mine who lives in another state didn’t want anything to do with me. She just wanted her mama and this is completely normal and healthy. It helps grow secure children.

Secondly, you are leaving your baby with a stranger. Why would anyone willingly choose to do this? Mothers say, “Well, I can see them all day long from my phone monitor.” This may be so but the baby can’t see her mother all day long nor can he/she cuddle with their mama like they want to do so badly. A stranger, no matter how wonderful they are, can never take the place of a mother, no, not even a grandma.

Do mothers even consider how many children are abused in daycares? “According to the National Child Abuse and Neglect Data System, more than 3.5 million reports from CPS agencies were received in 2013 alone. These reports involved more than 6.4 million children. The majority of these reports are for neglect, followed by physical abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse and medical neglect trailing closely behind.” This right here is enough reason to NEVER put your children into daycare! Strangers don’t love and want to protect the children as much as a mother does. They won’t train them in the ways of the Lord as mothers are commanded to do.

Finally, that stranger that you begin to see everyday while quickly throwing your child in her arms does not care about (love) your child nearly as much as you do. She does it for the money. Watching children is a job. A job that was intended for mothers. Milk literally flows out of every woman’s breast after the delivery of her child when she puts her baby, who is hungry for milk, on her. Even if you don’t let the baby latch on you, you still are producing the best possible nutrients in your breasts for your baby. Please, reconsider trying to end what God has freely given you even if nursing is for only those first few weeks before going back to work. As this article clearly states, “Although both breast-fed and formula-fed babies gain weight and seem to develop similarly, scientists have known for a long time that breast milk contains immune-protective components that make a breast-fed infant’s risk lower for all kinds of illnesses.”

It’s a lot easier to breast feed your baby when you are home full time with them. This is God’s will for mothers! For my first baby, I worked full time the first two years and had to pump by breasts during every break in the bathroom and it was so very unnatural. Mothers should not be away from their babies. Their babies need them. When a mother is home full time and has to get up during the night to breast feed her baby or be up with a sick child, it’s okay if she has lost sleep since she doesn’t have to worry about getting up early and going to work the next day.

Young mothers tell me about their friends who are extremely guilty and heartbroken about leaving their babies all day long in daycare and having to go back to work but they believe this is what they are supposed to do. Society tells them this is what they are supposed to do but does God? No!

This is why God commands older women to teach young women to love their children and be keepers at home. They aren’t going to be hearing this from anyone else if we, older women, aren’t teaching the younger women that being home with their babies and young children is EXACTLY where God wants them to be.

That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.
Titus 2:4, 5

Godly Women Bringing Up a Godly Generation

Godly Women Bringing Up a Godly Generation

This is part of a sermon that John MacArthur preached in 1986 called God’s High Calling For Women. He gives biblical reasons why women are not to teach nor be in authority over men in the churches but to be silent and then explains this verse: “Nothwithstanding she shall be saved in childbearing, if they continue in faith and charity and holiness with sobriety” (2 Timothy 2:15). This is an excellent sermon and I encourage you to read all of it!

“Nevertheless,” or notwithstanding, or in spite of all that, “she shall be saved in childbearing if they continue in faith and love and holiness with sobriety and self-control.” Now, look at this verse, what a fascinating thing. She shall be saved through childbearing. Now, this is in contrast to another phrase. Look at verse 14, “Adam wasn’t deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.” She stepped over the boundary. She stepped over the line. So, she’s in the transgression. Women are in sin. The stigma of the Fall is on woman. But, she shall be saved through childbearing.

Now, somebody says, “What kind of salvation is this? You mean you’re saved from sin for having babies?” No, it couldn’t possibly be that. Well, notice it says, “She shall be saved.” Future tense shows that it couldn’t refer to Eve. Some would like to think it refers to Eve and the bearing of her children, but it doesn’t, “She shall be saved.” Furthermore, if they continue in faith means it’s more than one woman. Some think it’s Mary and that the she is the she, being Mary, was saved by bearing Christ. It’s a nice thought but I can’t imagine anything more obtuse to this passage. How in the world you could ever read that into it, I don’t know. I don’t see Mary and I don’t see the birth of Christ here. ‘She’ must be the generic sense when compared with the word ‘they.’ The woman was deceived and in the transgression. And nevertheless, ‘she,’ broadens to include all women, shall be saved in childbearing if they continue in, so the ‘she’ sort of melts into the ‘they.’

Now, what is he saying? All women are saved through childbearing. Well, in what way? What kind of a general statement is that? What kind of saved do you mean here? Well, not saved from sin, but listen to this: the word saved can mean delivered, or it can mean saved from things other than sin. What we have to understand here is that all women are delivered. Now, listen carefully. All women are delivered from the stigma of having caused the Fall of the race by childbearing. In other words, women led in the Fall, but by the wonderful grace of God they are released from the stigma of that through childbearing. What’s the point? Listen carefully. They may have caused the race to fall by stepping out of their God-intended design, but they also are given the priority responsibility of raising a godly seed. You understand that?

That’s the balance. Not soul salvation, not spiritual birth, but women are delivered from being left in a second-class permanently stigmatized situation for the violation of the garden. They are delivered from being thought of as permanently weak, and deceivable, and insubordinate.

Can you imagine what it would be like if men had babies, and all women ever contributed to the human race was the Fall? The balance of it: women led the race into sin, but bless God; God has given them the privilege of leading the race out of sin to godliness.

You say, “How so?” Mark it down, because in the raising of a godly seed, it is the godliness and the virtue of the mother that has the greatest impact on the young life in the next generation. Is that not so? Theirs is the challenge to raise a godly seed. God has designed this to give woman back her dignity. She is saved from the stigma of the Fall, and her path to dignity, and usefulness, and her great contribution comes in accepting what God said that you will bear children. Motherhood then is woman’s appointed role in general.

Now, obviously God doesn’t want all women to be mothers; some of them He doesn’t even want to be married. First Corinthians 7, some have the gift of singleness. Some He allows to be barren for His own purposes. But as a general rule, just like marriage is generally the grace of life, as Peter calls it, so motherhood is that which reverses the stigma of woman and allows them to provide for society the rearing of a godly seed, which in a real sense reverses the curse for which she was so responsible. The pain of childbearing was the punishment for her sin, but the result of bearing the child is the deliverance from the stigma of that sin. Marvelous how God has worked that out.

The pain she goes through reminds her of her sin; the result reminds her of God’s restoring grace and puts her back in the place where she makes a positive contribution to the godliness of the next generation. She may have caused a generation to plunge into sin, but she can, by being a mother who raises godly children, bring a generation to God. What Paul is saying by the Holy Spirit is that a woman must accept her God-given role, and that role is not to give outward overt leadership to the church, but to raise a godly seed, and that’s why he says she’ll be saved in childbearing, but only if, look at it, she continues in faith, and love, and holiness, and self-control. If she is godly, she can raise that godly seed.

And you know, to me it’s so sad and tragic that women want to whine over an unfulfilled life because they can’t act like men. And they have the unique privilege of raising a godly generation of children who are nursed at their very breast and who bear an intimate relationship with them that no father can know, and thus do they restore dignity to that fallenness to which they contributed, and thus do they become all that God intended them to be. They are delivered from the results of sin, and able to maintain a positive influence in society, and in the church by accepting the role as a mother who raises godly children. That’s why it says even when younger widows lose their husbands, verse 14 of 1 Timothy 5, “I will therefore that the younger women marry and bear children and rule the house.” That’s their calling. The highest ideal of Christian womanhood is here, and this is how the church is to work, beloved.

Look, we’re led by men in the worship of the church, they pray, they preach, they teach, they give leadership to the church, but the perfect balance of that is the influence of godly women that raised that godly generation. And the only way that will happen is if they, and look at it closely in verse 15, if they continue in faith and love and holiness with self-control. They have to be the kind of woman described in verse 9 and 10, who are not into the clothes, and of the outward flaunting of sexuality and desire and wealth, but they are women whose hearts are marked by godly fear and self-control, who are strong in faith, they believe God, strong in love toward God, who are pure and holy, and who manifest self-control.

Godly Christian women will raise the next generation. You want to know why there’s a Women’s Liberation Movement, because there’s a devil who doesn’t want God to get His work done. Her faith in the Lord, her sincere love for God, her holiness and purity of life, her modest self-control mark her spiritual state as such who will bring forth children who will bless the world. And as she brought forth once a curse, she now brings forth a blessing. That’s her calling.

I think about, in closing, I think about Susanna Wesley, wife of a pastor and mother of 19 children. She’s gone down in Christian history as one of the greatest mothers. Here are some of her rules. Here are the rules she kept. No child was to be given a thing because he cried for it. If a child wanted to cry, cry softly. Nineteen children and it says, in her house was rarely heard loud cries. Second rule, no eating and drinking between meals except when sick. Rule number three, sleeping was also regulated. When very small, the child was given three hours in the morning and three in the afternoon. This was shortened until no sleeping was allowed during the daytime to be productive. Four, punctually the little ones were laid in the cradle and rocked to sleep. At seven pm each child was put to bed, at eight pm she left the room. She never allowed herself to sit by the bed until the children went to sleep. The little ones, fifthly, had their own table near the main table. When they could handle fork and knife, they were promoted to the family table. That is a great idea. Sixth, each one must eat and drink everything before him. Seventh, children must address each other as sister and brother. Eighth, she never allowed herself to show through her ill temper or by scolding. She would always explain and explain. Listen, she spent one hour each day shut up with God alone in her room praying for every one of her children. And her two sons, under God, brought revival to England while France was bathed in a bloody war. We know about John Wesley, but maybe behind all of that was a godly mother, surely that’s true.

G. Campbell Morgan, that great preacher said, quote: “My dedication to the preaching of the Word was maternal. Mother never told it to the baby or the boy, but waited. When but eight years old I preached to my little sister and to her dolls arrayed in orderly form before me. My sermons were Bible stories which I had first heard from my mother.” And G. Campbell Morgan, by the way, had four sons, all four of whom became preachers. And on one occasion when G. Campbell Morgan was explaining all the preachers in his family, someone said to him, “Who is the greatest preacher in your family?” And he replied without hesitation, “My mother.”

Joseph Parker once said that when Robert Moffit was added to the Kingdom of God, a whole continent was added as well, and a mother’s kiss did it. Charles Spurgeon’s father once told Dr. Ford, an American minister, how when he had been taken away from home a good deal trying to build up congregations, there came a conviction that he was neglecting the religious training of his own children. So, he decided that he would preach less. On returning home, he opened the door and was surprised to find none of the children around the hall. Ascending the stairs he heard his wife’s voice and knew that she was engaged in prayer. One by one, she named the children. When she had finished her petition and instruction, Spurgeon said, “I can go on with my work, the children are well cared for.” Now, there is the role of a godly woman in the church. May God grant us such godly women. Let’s pray together.

Father, we thank You so much for Your precious truth. In a world of confusion and chaos where everything sacred seems to be overturned, we can come back and find perfect clarity, understanding in Your truth. We bless Your name. Thank You that the design that You’ve given for us is so clear. O Father, may this church be a church marked out by godly women who bring up a godly generation of young people and thus attain by the Spirit’s power to that divine purpose for which they were created. And may we not waste lives on the trivia of this world while children are lost to the Kingdom. Father, help us to be a beacon light in this generation for this very truth for the Savior’s sake. Amen.
Grace to You

A Sweet, Christ-Centered Marriage

A Sweet, Christ-Centered Marriage

Jinger Vuolo wrote to her mother, Michelle Duggar who has 19 children, a beautiful letter on Michelle’s birthday. May we all strive to be wives and mothers like her! Here is what Jinger said:

Happy Birthday to the most incredible woman in the world!

Mom, I am so thankful to God for you. Thank you for always being there for us kids night or day to talk and pray with us. Thank you for helping us memorize passages of scripture from an early age. Thank you for being so patient with us kids and for never raising your voice. Thank you for not being overly worried about having a clean house, but instead letting us kids build forts, make a mess with our crafts, and just enjoy being kids…and I won’t ever forget the dirt pile and how you would let us play in the rain!

Thank you for making our home a happy home by your joyful attitude, even in the midst of trials. Thank you for how you have always sought to love and honor Daddy by being his greatest cheerleader. By your example, you taught us kids what a sweet, Christ-centered relationship looks like. As a wife now myself, I am so blessed to have you as a role model of the godly woman I desire to be.

Your steadfast walk with Christ and deep love for Him has inspired me to want to know Him all the more. Thank you for your faithful prayers for us kids. I know that we will never know just how much you have committed yourself to praying for each of us and our future.

Thank you for teaching us kids to look for ways to serve others…whether that meant driving an elderly person to a doctor’s appointment, raking their lawn, helping a widow in need, or taking meals to the sick. You taught us by example what it means to truly love people. Thank you for teaching us to be hospitable, always going above and beyond to make those who enter your door feel special and right at home.

I am so grateful to have you not only as my mom, but also as a best friend. How very grateful I am that Felicity has such a godly grandma and role model as you!

I love you will all of my heart and will forever by grateful for you!

Love your daughter,
Jing

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.
Proverbs 31:28

Women’s Trajectory Toward Worldly Success Rather Than Being a Wife and Mother

Women’s Trajectory Toward Worldly Success Rather Than Being a Wife and Mother

Ever since I was a young girl, all I ever wanted to be was a wife and mother. Having a career held no appeal to me. I wanted to find a husband so I worked towards finding one! I even pursued guys I found attractive during high school and college. No, I didn’t call them or ask them out on dates. I let them know I was interested by going out of my way to be kind to them and hoped they noticed me. Some did and some didn’t, but I knew I was going to do everything in my power to attract a husband since this was my greatest desire in life and pray a lot in the meantime.

A Christian mother wrote and said that one of her daughters fears getting married and having children. Her daughter wants to become a nurse or doctor and the parents are encouraging her in this direction. Sadly, this daughter has been influenced by the feminist culture we live in. What is there to fear in being married and having children? This is God’s will for most young women.

In Lisa Anderson’s book, The Dating Manifesto: A Drama-Free Plan For Pursuing Marriage with a Purpose, Lisa wrote the following:

“Sadly, as I immersed myself in girl power at school, I received little at church and beyond to counter it. Most of the well-meaning couples in my parent’s circle saw no reason to question my trajectory toward worldly success; many of them outright supported it. I was told… to focus on my education and career. Here are a few of the mantras I commonly received–see if any of them sound familiar:

‘Make sure you can support yourself; it’s a tough world out there!’

‘You’re so smart; you don’t want to waste your intelligence [implied: by getting married too soon].’

‘We’re expecting big things from you.’

‘You have your whole life ahead of you–have fun while you can!’

‘Relax; marriage will happen when it happens.’

‘I wish I’d had all the opportunities you have.’

“…my mom finished college, but marriage was a next step. It was always a priority. It was talked about, planned for, and expected. She didn’t mess around when she spotted my dad; she got busy.

Lisa, who is still single at 46 years old, was asked what she would tell her 28 year old self about dating which I believe should have been told to her 18 year old self:

“I’d say, ‘Dating takes effort for both men and women.’ Dating was hardly on my radar in my 20s. I was too busy chasing a career and thinking I was too awesome to need a man. I didn’t make the effort to get to know men. I don’t remember ever saying I wanted to be married. I turned dates down because I found some miniscule flaw in the guys in question. And then I wondered why I was still single at 30. God puts people in our path for a reason. Many of them are probably good marriage candidates. But when we give all our attention elsewhere, we cheat ourselves out of a healthy pursuit of what is for most of us a God-given life goal. Marriage is a good thing, and biblical, intentional dating is a great way to get there. But it takes work. And that work should start earlier rather than later. Learn from my mistakes on that one, folks.”

Many women today, including Christian women, are pursuing higher education and careers and aren’t even considering getting married and having children since they aren’t being taught that this is something they should consider early rather than later. It’s a rare young girl these days when asked what she wants to be when she grows up would answer, “a wife and mother.” No, nowadays, this answer would be frowned upon and they would be asked, “What if you never get married?” or “What career choice do you want to pursue?” As if being a wife and mother weren’t good things to desire or even pursue.

In order to want to get married and have children, young women must be willing to sacrifice their time, energy, and maybe even their gifts, and most young women don’t seem to want to do these things. They also must learn to be a help meet to their husband and serve him by learning to have a meek and quiet spirit if they marry. They must learn to sacrifice their body, time, and energy to raise godly offspring which is difficult. Yes, marrying and bearing children requires a lot of sacrifice that many young women have no desire to do these days, sadly. (It’s heartbreaking to me.) Instead, they would rather sacrifice their time, money, and energy for a career that may keep them from marrying and raising their children, if they do have children.

Yes, being a godly woman who wants to be a wife and mother is a good goal for young women to pursue, contrary to popular opinion, if their goal in life is to marry and have children but unfortunately, most young women have believed the feminist’s lies and believe that having careers and pursuing worldly things are far superior.

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
1 Timothy 5:14

Children Being Swallowed Up By Those Big Yellow Monsters

Children Being Swallowed Up By Those Big Yellow Monsters

Women have asked me why I support homeschooling because they don’t believe there is any biblical support behind it. Oh, really? God commands fathers to raise their children in the nurture (to educate; to bring or train up) and the admonition (gentle reproof; counseling against a fault; instructions in duties; caution; direction) of the Lord. He commands younger women to be keepers at home and love their children, i.e. be the ones home to love, protect, and raise their children.

The greatest passage in the Bible against public schooling is found in 2 Corinthians 6:14-17: “Be not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? And what communion hath light with darkness? And what concord hath Christ with Belial? Or what part hath he that believeth with an infidel? And what agreement hath the temple of God with idols? For ye are the temple of the living God; as God hath said, I will dwell in them, and walk in them; and I will be their God, and they shall be my people. Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you.”

We are also warned that bad company corrupts good morals and we are also commanded to walk with the wise. We are told to teach the Lord’s ways to our children continually. “And ye shall teach them your children, speaking of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, when thou liest down, and when thou risest up” (Deuteronomy 11:19).

Joel Belz in his article A History of Separation wrote, “My very first exposure to the general truth of that assertion (that splitting up family units has always been a specialty of what we used to call ‘liberal’ political interests, but which many refer to as ‘progressive’) came some 70 years ago when I overheard my father talking with my mother and other folks from our church. ‘There’s just no way,’ I remember Dad’s saying, ‘that we’re going to keep tolerating our children being swallowed up by those big yellow monsters—just to go and be taught an alien gospel.’ Several local public schools were in the process of being consolidated into just one, and for Dad, the big buses that would haul us to a more distant town were grim symbols of a government stripping from parents their God-given rights and duty to shape their own children’s education.”

There’s nothing in the word of God that calls us to ship our children off to strangers five days a week for hours a day for all of their childhood. The purpose of having children is to raise godly offspring (Malachi 2:15) and how will they become godly if they aren’t being raised full time by godly parents? God has been kicked out of the public schools yet Christians all over the place continue to send their precious children, who have soft, teachable hearts and are so impressionable, to be taught the ways of the world.

The peers that your children will be with all day long will have a great influence upon them which is not good either. You all can see the garbage that is on the TV, movies, and the music people are listening to but most parents don’t censor any of this for their precious children. These children will share this worldly garbage with your Christian children. Children in public schools are not being protected from the evil of our culture by their mothers! As culture grows darker, we must be all the more diligent to protect our children from Satan’s influences.

Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.
1 Peter 5:8

My Husband’s Encouragement For Raising Godly Children

My Husband’s Encouragement For Raising Godly Children

Written By Ken

Here are some of the things we believe have really helped us with raising godly children:

1) Love them and accept them fully, finding ways to praise and encourage their strengths while regularly working graciously on their weaknesses. Never allow a weakness of sin to go unchallenged, but do it in a loving and accepting way.

2) Discipline. Make sure your children understand that so long as they live in your home they must follow your simple rules, especially the rule that in our home we will do “all things Christian.” Teach a disciplined life, especially over emotions. No cross word or anger should be allowed to go unchallenged without speaking of God’s grace and His desires for how we treat one another with love and respect.

3) When you see a child starting to fall in with the world, with bad friends or desires, jump right in and talk and talk and talk to them. I had 60-90 minute talks at times with my child to work not on their behavior but their thinking. All bad behavior or wrong desires comes from bad thinking, so find the lies they are telling themselves and replace them with the truth and the truth of God’s Word.

4) You and your husband should establish for your family what you as a family are all about. For the Lori and Ken Alexander family we were about four things, and our children could rattle these four things off with ease. We could appeal to them when they violated one of these four things and ask them to reflect on their own purposes in life. They knew they could one day choose to accept or change what is most important to them and their family some day, but while they lived with us, they were to live by these simple precepts:

 Love God and Serve Him
 Do what is Right
 Be the best you can be
 Treat others the way you would like to be treated

5) Pray for each one of them every day and let them know you are praying over them, and what you are praying for their lives.

6) Live your life joyfully and confidently in the Lord. Lead them by the example of Mom and Dad and how much joy and love they have in the Lord Jesus. The greatest gift we can give our children in life is have them watch our faith in action, and if we really believe what we believe, we will be singing and praising and playing and praying all in the joy of the Lord. Believing that no matter what may come, our God is in the struggles of life with us all the way, for we are in Christ, and Christ is in us.

7) When the teenage years come, it is time to teach them one more principle that “there are a lot of stupid people in this world, don’t be one of them.” They will watch their friends want to do stupid and risky things and they need a mind that can process why they do not just go along with the crowd. They need to realize that just because their friends are drinking and doing dope, or having sex before marriage that this does not prove anything except that there are a lot of stupid people in this world doing stupid things. It will give them a reason to make good choices seeing the wisdom of God vs. the folly of this world as so well seen in the book of Proverbs.

8) Hide the Word of God in their hearts. Take them to AWANA or do your own Bible memorization competitions in your own home. Consider paying prizes for memorizing the book of Ephesians or at least the first 3-4 chapters and Colossians 3, and any verses that speak of our new life in Christ. Help them understand who they are in Christ Jesus and out of that reality they will live a new life, abundant and freed from sin and the appeal of this world. Study together Michael Pearl’s great commentaries on the matter especially listening to Romans 6-8 which are audio MP3’s on his site, but also get his DVD’s called “Sin No More.” No this does not mean we will never sin, but it does mean that if we are in Christ, we will walk a righteous life that is dead to sin and alive to Christ.

9) Never give up, and never lose hope. Show your children what a walk in the Spirit looks like as you shine the fruit of the Spirit in your life. Tell your children daily to begin the day and the rest of their life “with the end in mind.” “What do you want your life to reflect today and what do you want your life to look like at the end of your days?” Keeping a heavenly focus and perspective is the way to live a victorious Christian life as the struggles of this world come our way.

10) “You know I will always love you.” These words were the last words my children often heard at night as I tucked them into bed and prayed with them. “That no matter what may come, no matter what they may do, Daddy will always love you, even if he has to kick you out of the home someday.” Unconditional love is the foundation upon which children can grow up to have healthy self-worth and self-being. It is the unconditional love of our heavenly Father that we must give our children and love and adore them greatly, while always correcting sin as gently but as firmly as necessary to stop it in its tracks.

Our children are the greatest gifts God could ever give us, and they are the gifts that keep giving with beautiful grandchildren who are also walking with Jesus day by day. There is no greater joy than to know that our children and their children love God and His ways. Invest in them in these ways early and often then leave the rest to the Lord to honor your faithfulness. “Expect nothing, but hope for the best!” For our hope is in God and not the things of this world.

And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.
Ephesians 6:4

She Doesn’t Want to Go to College

She Doesn’t Want to Go to College

“Let’s say an 18 year old woman came to you seeking out your advice. She loves the Lord. She doesn’t want to go to college as all of her friends are doing. The Christian colleges are way too expensive and the secular colleges are too godless, plus she has no interest in having a career. All she wants is to be a wife and mother, if the Lord blesses her with a husband. How would you advise her?”

Luba: “Use this time for the following:
* Hours of Bible reading and prayer
* Learning all you can about running a household
* Learning to cook healthy meals
* Be a blessing to parents
* Help an elderly lady at church with cleaning and errand running
* Learn all you can about being a godly wife
* Be content until God brings you a husband
* Pray about starting a business (being a nanny, cleaning – the possibilities are endless)”

Amanda: “This sounds like my 17 year old daughter! She was thinking she would go to university next year and study nursing. I didn’t try to talk her into or out of it, but just prayed she would follow God’s lead in her life. In the last few months, I have seen her change. She talked to my husband and me recently and explained she no longer felt university was for her. She wants to be a wife and mother first and foremost.

“I have advised her to stay home while she waits for God to bring her husband along and in the meantime, learn all she can in the way of managing a home and caring for a family. I have told her to make sure she spends a lot of time in God’s Word and covers her future in prayer and commits it to the Lord. She is also reading some really good Christian books on Godly Womanhood, like Preparing to be a Help Meet, Let Me Be A Woman, Godly Woman 101, Girl Defined, and Love Defined. And you know what, since she has decided not to go to university, she looks so much happier and at peace. She joyfully helps me with laundry (she says ironing is her ‘happy place’!), loves to bake, and clean. I have seen very positive changes in her, and it’s very encouraging.

“Note: she is still in school completing her last year (Christian School), and works casually on Saturdays and after school at (none other than?) McDonald’s. She has learned piano for many years and will be able to conduct piano lessons from home if she chooses.”

Julie: “I am a firm believer that college is NOT necessary. However, I do think it’s important to learn how to work and earn money. Developing a good work ethic and financial responsibility is never a bad thing, in my opinion. It doesn’t necessarily need to be like a waitress or a grocery store clerk, but maybe earn money babysitting/nannying, or maybe house-cleaning?”

Vickie: “When I first decided to stay home, we needed some extra money and I cleaned two houses a week. With only one child at the time, I brought him with me and made enough to pay for all of our groceries. My daughter is like this, too. I agree with all of what Luba said.

“In addition, we live on a small farm and raise animals. She is taking on some of that so she can sell some livestock and with our goat milk we have started a small business selling soap and other natural products. She can do most of it from home and is getting a website started. This way she has been able to make some money of her own and if it continues she could do this as a wife and mother if she chooses. Another thing she has talked about is being a hairdresser. You can go to technical school and that is something she could also do from home with a family.

“She has bought old furniture from yard sales and refinished it and resold for a good profit. There are many things out there like this and she really enjoys being helpful. She does not have a boyfriend but she is looking forward to it. She isn’t sitting around dwelling on it either. She keeps busy and feels when the timing is right, the Lord will let her know.”

Christina: “I’d tell her great. The only thing I would advise to do that if she does decide to go, watch where she goes and for what. There may be a day that she needs to have a degree to homeschool so that a teaching degree may be at use or a nursing degree which also could be useful to use at home, too. But if she doesn’t feel she should go, great! But be in God’s Word and in prayer. Make sure she is being the BEST godly woman she can humanly be.”

Dawn: “Much will depend on her parents and living situation. If coming from a girl whose parents are not on board with waiting, praying, and helping around the home until marriage, she will need to attend college and get a job. I would say chose a college degree/certificate that could be ultimately useful in the home or for her future children’s education. Even better, a certificate program rather than a typical four year liberal arts education which will avoid many of the less desirable teachings. Care-taking and administrative type jobs can also build skills for the home.”

Samantha: “Pray a lot, and I mean a lot. Save your heart for the man God wants to put in your life. Learn to cook well, how to manage finances, and how to keep a tidy home. Learn the basics of home keeping if she hasn’t already. Pray over any potential relationship with a man; do some soul searching and be sure he is the right man for you before ever getting engaged. Be friends first and foremost, because if there is no friendship to base the relationship on, then is he really the one God puts in your life and intends for you to marry? Don’t just go out in the world and date willy nilly; be friends first. Build your relationship with God and draw closer to him. Let God guide you and your natural instinct about situations and people in your life; your gut instinct is usually right.”

Paige: “I’d tell her to be open to what God calls her to do. There are many ways to prepare for motherhood: caring for children by babysitting, serving people in her church by helping them in their household, working with her own mother.”

Rebecca: “There are three ways of thinking about it: 1) becoming educated in case you don’t get married; 2) being educated so that you can teach your children at home; 3) not overeducating, thus providing your husband a temptation for you to work because your salary would be so significant. But if you don’t have access or finances to go to a Christian college, being educated isn’t all that good of a thing. There are many things to think about, that’s for sure.”

Tammy: “As with any career, it’s always possible to learn more. As a stay-at-home, homeschooling, mom I can think of some experiences and classes that would have benefited me or had been fun. Cooking classes or working in a nice restaurant would be a fun way to increase cooking skills. Taking some teaching courses online would increase her “qualifications“ to homeschool in some states. Working in a preschool or as a nanny would give her some more insight into caring for different personalities. Cleaning homes is a good way to learn techniques and make good money. Personally. I don’t think any of it is necessary but I do think it could be fun and increase confidence.”

Christine: “Love all the advice above. I want to add to it by saying, if she needs to work, retirement homes, daycares, someplace that she could learn about caring for others in a different way would be a good way to go. This will also help prepare her for the future as a homemaker, wife, and mother.”

Kim: “She might also look at volunteering. There are so many places where she can use her gifts. Many times, those that are in need of volunteers and would love to see younger faces. I have been volunteering at a local church run foodbank for 12 years and when I first started I was the youngest! I was still home schooling, so I brought my kids to help. It was a great way to get them involved and teach them empathy.”

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
1 Timothy 5:14

Parents Regretting Having Children

Parents Regretting Having Children

The mums on the SAHM forum are not alone in sharing their feelings of regret. Over on Facebook, a community called I Regret Having Children boasts over 10,000 members. ‘This page is here to let all the mothers and fathers know that regretting having a kid(s) is not abnormal and shouldn’t be a taboo subject,’ it reads.”

When I was a teacher, most of the teachers I worked with felt the same way about having children; they regretted it. I suppose there’s a very important reason that God commands older women to teach younger women to love their children – love your children enough to have them and to raise them correctly. We are selfish by nature and bearing and raising children is an act of unselfishness and sacrifice.

We can understand clearly why unbelievers would feel regret over having children, as one woman clearly stated below, but this should never be said among us.

“‘For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools..’ (Romans 1:21-22). When you reject God, He gives you over to a senseless, darkened mind and unnatural affections follow, which remove natural affections.”

As the Bible states, people will become lovers of themselves. They will only want to do what they want to do and take no thought about what is best for others or society but as believers in Jesus Christ, we are not this way. Our reasonable service to the Lord is to learn to be unselfish and live for Him instead.

Children are throw-aways in our culture as seen by the millions of abortions that are performed every year. In God’s eyes, children are blessings to be welcomed and loved with open arms. I want to encourage you in a few ways that will make it easier to love your children. It’s difficult to love and enjoy children that are not trained and disciplined properly.

First of all, be diligent in training and disciplining them when they are young. While you are raising your children, you will be continually teaching them to make right choices. Make sure they understand “no” and obey you. Let them know that they aren’t the boss of the family. Deal with disobedience quickly and consistently. A few good spankings usually deal with this the most effectively. The faster you teach them self-control, the more you will enjoy being around your children.

No, your children don’t need to be constantly entertained by you or technology. Let them learn to entertain themselves. It will develop their imaginations. Don’t let them whine and complain. Make them sit in the “whining and complaining” chair quietly for ten minutes every time they whine or complain. Do this consistently. It’s your responsibility to teach and train your children to be self-disciplined adults in all areas of their lives.

When they are young, insist they all have naps or “quiet times” for two hours a day, then put them to bed early at night. Every mother needs some time to herself and rest if needed. You must not let your child to dictate his/her schedule. You must dictate it.

No, raising children is not easy but it is good. The narrow path that we are called to take isn’t the easy path. It’s the path that leads to life! Raise your children to be godly – to know God’s Word and obey it. Then you will find that your children are the gifts that keep on giving! As you are raising them, you are storing your treasures in heaven; the best place for treasures to be stored and you will not have one moment of regret for bringing them into this world.

Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
Psalm 127:3