Destroying a Marriage Over Housework
My post that has gone viral numerous times has been shocking to some of my friends and relatives considering some of the other more controversial things I have written. It’s on homemaking, for goodness sake! Women today have no clue that they were created to be their husband’s help meet and work hard serving them as keepers at home. No, the blurring of roles and the desire to be served instead of serve is as destructive upon marriage as anything else, in my opinion.
One woman shared an article with me that was written by a wife who made it clear that she was NOT going to pick or clean up after her husband. She admitted he was tired when he came home wearing scrubs so he probably was in the medical field and had a demanding job but this doesn’t matter to many women today. No, women are taught that men are supposed to help with the housework and if they don’t, they find another man. Since women have decided to take on men’s job of providing, they decided that men should take on their job of being keepers at home without men’s consent. This feminist mindset is terribly destructive since it causes discontentment and bitterness to settle in which defiles many, according to the Word of God.
The article I am referring to is called I Married a Man Whose Mother Did Everything For Him, And I Called It Out to Save Our Marriage. Yes, women, she believes that forcing your husband to clean up after himself is something you must do if you want to stay married. This is so far removed from what the Lord has called us to do if we are a believer in Jesus Christ; for the greatest of all is the servant of all.
If our Lord and Savior can get down on His knees and wash all twelve of His disciples dirty feet (yes, even the one who He knew would betray Him) and then be crucified to pay the penalty for our sin so that we can have eternal life with Him, we can certainly clean and pick up after our husband. You know, the man that you were specifically created by God to be his help meet. Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man (1 Corinthians 11:9). There is no such thing as a wasted life for one who lives to serve others.
I used to be like this woman and I was unhappy. I allowed my husband’s behavior to control my mood. I was not servant-hearted but selfish and wanted my own way. It’s not a happy way to live. No, it’s a much better way to live serving others and making their lives as good as you can. It’s not thinking about ourselves more, but thinking about ourselves less. Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind let each esteem other better than themselves (Philippians 2:3).
God created us to be the keepers at home (working hard at home) and the men to be the providers. When we follow these roles from the Lord, there is peace. If you have a husband who works hard to provide for you, take care of him at home as unto the Lord. We were created to work hard and do it unto the Lord. Pick and clean up after him heartily as unto the Lord. Don’t make him do housework unless he wants to do it. This is your responsibility and if you are physically able, take it seriously. Teach your daughters to delight in doing housework, cooking, and serving others as unto the Lord. Their future husbands will appreciate you!
She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
Proverbs 31:27
26 thoughts on “Destroying a Marriage Over Housework”
What a blessing to read here again this morning! It is sad to see that women are so eagerly embracing this philosophy that takes away the joy that God intended for us as wives as we are servants in our homes. Thanks so much for the post!
Hi Lori, this is one of my favourite verses:
She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.
Proverbs 31:27
The problem is today women are expected to work full time outside the home and also do all the cooking and cleaning as well and so if two incomes are required I bet that the husband and children and anyone able needs to help with the house keeping.
I love your constant encouragement! I try to always put on some music and a candle and have dinner ready when my husband comes home from work. I have trained my 4 children to help, one sets the table, one does the dishes, one sweeps, and the other takes out the trash. Since they are older we can go on a nice walk just the two of us after dinner as the kids clean up. Sadly I have a friend with the same age kids and says since she made the meal and kids have homework her husband cleans up while she relaxes. My husband is always happy to pitch in when needed but as our children get older the housework load is lightened.
Thanks for the reminder to have a servant’s heart in our role as helpmeet and keeper at home, Lori. When I get frustrated with picking up after my husband, I remember it is a privilege to do this as “unto the Lord.” It really changes your mindset and perspective on things. In the WORD we are told to serve one another in love (Gal. 5:13). If a woman is being asked to work full time outside of her home, there will be suffering for the entire family since it’s not God’s will for her to be there. The family will need to obey the-commands to serve one another in love so mom doesn’t become bitter or burnt out.
You’re welcome, Dianna. They are being deceived, sadly, and suffering the consequences. Nothing will ever be better for us than God’s perfect will.
Yes, I love that verse, too, Jilly!
This is why it’s important to discuss this before marriage, Tara. I would not have married a man who didn’t want to work hard to provide so I could stay home full time with my children.
You are a wise woman, Raquel, who is building her home up and your family is very blessed. You are reaping the beautiful fruit that you are sowing!
Yes, it’s very difficult on everyone when the woman is asked to work, Holly, and sadly, many husbands want their wives to work not realizing what harm it does to their marriage, children, and home. There are no superwomen. This is a modern myth that many women have fallen for, unfortunately.
Just a question, for our entire marriage my husband has expected me to take his dirty dishes to the sink, take his shoes and socks off,etc. I dont mind doing it. Although he then goes off at he children for not takig their plates to the sink and at least rinsing them. And tells me im being a bad example for not enforcing it. Then i have a hard time biting my tongue to stop myself from telling him ‘its because they see you dont do it honey’. How do i handle this? Keep trying to enforce to the children they need to help wash up even though daddy doesnt?
What are men’s responsibilities in the home; or maybe a better way of phrasing it would be is there a line men should not cross?
Yes it is a woman’s job to keep the home. But should a husband leave dirty clothes on the floor instead of putting them in the hamper that is right next to him? Should he leave his empty dinner plate on the table instead of walking it to the kitchen? Should he leave his beard trimmings in the sink or not bother “aiming” in the restroom? What should a husband do or not do so that he does’t take advantage of his wife’s desire to care for him? I would imagine that there is a line between letting your wife take care of the home and purposely being a slob? Correct me if I am wrong, I’m genuinely curious!
You were created to be your husband’s help meet and when your children see you serving your husband, you are setting a beautiful example to them of this. You are called to train your children in the way they should go, not your husband, so when you are training your children to clean up after themselves, you are obeying your husband and the Lord.
A man’s responsibility is to work hard to provide for his family which is a HUGE burden they carry all of their lives. A woman’s responsibility is to be a keeper at home and look well to the ways of her household according to the Word of God regardless of what the husband does or does not do around the home. When you are willingly serving and cleaning up after your husband, you are doing so unto the Lord. What greater job can there be than this?
I read somewhere that for every piece of a husband’s clothing that a wife complains about picking up, there’s a widow wishing she could.
I love taking care of those things, after all my husband works very hard to take care of me.
Linda
Yes, we need to appreciate and love them while we have them, Linda, since life is fragile and only what we do for Christ, which includes loving and serving our husband, will last.
Yes!!! I can never understand why women don’t *want* to take care of their husbands! It’s not always easy to have a servant’s heart but Christ is our example! I am so thankful the Lord has helped me understand my role more and more over the years! I always wanted to be a homemaker, mother and wife and take care of my husband….but when I was a younger bride I would get frustrated if he would leave messes. The Lord has taught me much over the years and I am forever grateful. I have a beautiful marriage.
My husband takes great care of us and I work hard to manage the home and take care of him! I am *far* from perfect but strive daily to emulate Christ! I in no way mean to be boastful but I know I enjoy reading comments of other women who enjoy their roles and love to hear how they take care of their husbands, homes and children (with great joy)….so I share to show other women they are not alone! :o)
“Women today have no clue that they were created to be their husband’s help meet…”
This cluelessness goes well beyond ignorance of God’s word. This is a condition of the heart. This is contempt for the Word of God – the very being of Jesus …a devoid of any fear of God. And it is not just personal to the woman; it breaths death on the man, his house, his children, and the community around her.
Correct-ability to the Word materially defines the condition of our heart …a willingness to be governed …by the Word of God. On that doth God look. On that only doth God look.
If a husband decides to make a wife work outside the home, he is changing the plan for a home and needs to change his own plan as well. You can’t ask a wife to be gone breakfast to supper 5 days/ week and also make her do all the laundry, cleaning, child care, food prep, etc. while he does nothing but rest. He’s making her take on his role and her role. He needs to realize what he’s asked and step up. He either needs to relieve her of his role (working for the income) or relieve her of part of her role (taking care of domestic duties). Too many people want to have it both ways. You just physically and emotionally can’t. Everyone will suffer in a big way.
Now, if the husband doesn’t desire his wife to work and she wants to anyway and goes out and gets employment, that’s fine but I can’t see how she can complain that all domestic duties are still hers to manage. She chose that plan.
And, if a husband truly cannot financially support his family (and I mean he can’t, not that he can’t afford a lifestyle above his pay grade), and his wife must be asked to bring in income, he should have some compassion and realize his wife simply can’t do it all and he needs to step up and partner with her in the home like she’s partnering with him in the work force.
I agree with this 100% Katy!
My husband wants/needs me to work (part-time) and I do. In turn, he takes on a lot of household responsibilities, along with the kids. It works well for us.
Diamond In The Rough – What you described doesn’t happen in my house so I have no personal experience of this, but I did read something in a book that may help: If the man is the leader/head of the house, get the kids to help make him a scepter or some sort of symbol that shows his position in the house. Then everyone treats him accordingly – serving him etc. The kids learn to take their own plates to the kitchen as an act of service, rather than following their father’s example. Dad serves the family in other ways – finances etc. – Mum serves the family/Dad in other ways – cooking, cleaning etc. and the kids serve the family/Dad in their way – following rules, clearing plates. etc.
Does that make sense?
I have no idea if it works or not, but I thought it was quite sweet when I read it.
I stumbled across this and I have to say…I was wondering if there were any women out there who lived this way anymore! Thank you so much for these precious words of wisdom. The world today teaches women that being at home is not the honorable thing to do. The home maker is sadly fading. Thanks again
What if he isn’t working hard to be the provider though?
Here’s a post about lazy husbands: https://thetransformedwife.com/lazy-husbands-hungry-kids-and-hopeful-wives/
I’d also like to know where the line is? If my husband continually leaves dirty socks and clothes on the floor do I have an obligation to ask him to treat me more respectfully by picking up after himself? I can serve without being a slave.
It’s not a slave to pick up dirty socks and clothes on the floor, Lisa. It’s being a godly help meet to one’s husband; for the greatest of all is the servant of all.