Don’t Pamper Your Children
“Gentle Parenting” is the rage right now. Some even refuse to say “no” to their children. They have their children sleep in their beds. They would never spank their children, because they claim Jesus is a gentle parent. We were gentle parents but not in this way. We were kind, loving, affectionate, warm, and joyful with our children, but we said “no” often to them as the Lord says “no” to us about many things that harm us or are not good for us. They didn’t sleep in our beds, because we are both light sleepers. We spanked them on their bottoms but, we never abused them. We were firm parents but didn’t pampered them continually. (Pamper means “to treat with extreme or excessive care and attention.”)
Now, I have no problem with the way you raise your children. You can never say “no,” let them sleep in your bed, and never spank them but make sure they obey you. It was easy for us to teach our children to obey us. They knew from an early age when we told them to do something, they would do it. We didn’t have to watch them continually, since we taught them what they could and could not do. They knew they weren’t the boss of the home and wouldn’t always get their way. Temper tantrums weren’t allowed and fighting with each other wasn’t either. We put a stop to these early and firmly. We taught them not to be afraid of the dark and have unwarranted fears very early on, so they grew up not being afraid because we continually spoke truth into their lives.
They didn’t have a lot of toys, a television in their own room, all the newest and latest gadgets, and they ate what we fed them. I didn’t allow them to be picky eaters. When they were sick, we would comfort them but not allow them to complain since complaining is forbidden in scripture. As they grew older, they didn’t have sleep overs and watch all the movies their friends were watching. Ken was especially firm with the boys. He wanted them to be tough, since life is tough. We taught them that life will be hard but cling to Jesus. Soft living will never produce strong adults.
It doesn’t mean you can’t give them nice gifts, take them on vacations, and have fun with them. It also doesn’t mean you can’t ever pamper them at home or when they are very sick needing special attention, but it shouldn’t be a way of life and define the way you raise your children. There is great harm done to children who are continually pampered. They will grow up to be emotionally weak and unable to handle the storms of life if you do. Boys will grow up to be lazy men, and daughters to be rebellious and do as they please.
My adult children are strong and find their strength in the Lord. They have all weathered storms in their life and some still are. There will always be storms in our lives at times. Yes, trials are hard, but they don’t complain about them. They all love the Lord and stand upon His Word.
Real life doesn’t pamper us at all. There are trials, hardships, and sufferings. We are promised tribulation while on this earth. Pampering doesn’t benefit your children at all. Many wives have husbands who were pampered as children and when they are sick, they moan and complain. It is the same with many wives when they are in pain or sick. Teach your children to do otherwise. Make them as comfortable as you can, but teach them to not complain, unless they are in extreme pain, then they can’t help but moan. (When one of my sons was young, he fell off of a trampoline and broke his elbow. I took him to the doctor and held him on my lap for over an hour until the doctor saw him. He was in so much pain that he couldn’t stop crying.)
Is Jesus a gentle parent? Yes, but He doesn’t pamper us. He tells us to be take joy when we encounter various trials, because they bring forth good fruit. He doesn’t shield us and keep us from pain and suffering. He uses them for good in our lives. Pain is a great teacher. You don’t touch a hot stove, since you know it will burn you. You don’t fool around with porn, since in the end, it will harm you and your marriage.
Teach your children to be strong in the Lord and to not fear the things of this world, since they are all passing away. We have a mansion waiting for us in heaven where there will be no more pain or suffering. Hope is a beautiful thing, and we have perfect hope in the Lord.
For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons.
Hebrews 12:6-8
7 thoughts on “Don’t Pamper Your Children”
It makes me wonder how I’ll be viewed as a mother one day. I work at a daycare, and these 9yr olds have Apple watches, iPads, iPhones, designer clothes and shoes. I’ll probably be considered a neglectful, stingy, unloving parent for not giving my children these things!
It’s obvious that some of these children have never been told ‘no’ before. It doesn’t matter how I speak to them, they won’t listen for anything!
Yes, it’s very sad and these parents aren’t doing their children any favors at all. Our children had none of those growing up and the only thing they care about today as adults are iPhones but I sure wouldn’t give it to children or even teenagers.
How can you best get your child to obey without using spanking? It is illegal where I live and I am really struggling with my two-year-old daughter. My one-year-old son does not yet present the same challenge in terms of obeying but will no doubt soon.
At present, I always tell my daughter no when she does something that is not allowed. If she does not listen, I remove her from the situation. Depending on the severity of what she has done (or number of repetitions) there is also corner time.
It’s horrible when governments interfere with child raising in this way. I can’t answer you since we spanked and it worked beautifully. We didn’t spank in anger. We didn’t bruise them since we used a small leather strap that was bendable and easy to control but it stung. My children were afraid of it and it was good since it caused them to obey us and it worked quickly. Pain is a great teacher and I don’t know of anything as effective. The Bible tells us to use a “rod” and nothing will work nearly as good as what our Creator told us to use. We didn’t even have to spank our children after 5 years old and never grounded them since they cheerfully obeyed us and it was never an issue after this. It made child raising a pleasure instead of a burden like it is for many women I hear from today who refuse to spank or can’t for some reason.
I was raised by “good upstanding Christian parents” who were viewed by others much as you portray yourself. My earliest memory is of my father carrying me out of church to “discipline” me for a “disturbance.” He broke a switch off a crab apple tree, stripped off my clothes, and beat me until I had bloody lacerations all over my back and legs. I was a year and a half old. And my mother admitted many years later that the “disturbance” was coughing. I had freaking croup. I should have been at home in bed. But it was Easter Sunday, and “good Christian families” went to church on Easter Sunday, so I was given a dose of cough syrup and dragged into church. When I started coughing and gagging, my “good Christian father” was SURE I was doing it out rebellion and chose to beat the hell out of a toddler instead of doing what any SANE person would have done and caring for me as a sick child. But I sure as hell learned not to cry and not to expect sympathy from anyone. In fact, I was molested by a church deacon for 5 years and never bothered to tell my parents because I knew I’d be blamed for seducing the lecherous old coot.
… I think I’ll stick with gentle parenting. It’s producing gentle, loving, empathetic kids who want to please me and who consistently do the right thing because it’s the right thing, not out of fear of human or divine retribution. And my kids won’t need a lifetime of therapy to recover from their “godly” upbringing.
Why are you placing what happened to you on what I teach, Julie? We would have never done that to any of our children nor do I teach this type of behavior, especially for simply coughing.
We spanked on their bottoms with a small leather strap that was bendable and didn’t bruise or cut them and in the privacy of their own rooms with no one else. We only spanked them for disobeying us and we didn’t ask irrational things like not coughing.
We raised four godly children who have self-control and work hard. They would tell you that they were never abused in any way by us. Evil and angry people who can’t control their tempers abuse and we were neither of these. I am sorry for the pain you have suffered but it was not the story of my children nor many others who have been raised this way.
Good answer. She has no logical answer to offer. However I will tell you, aside from telling your kids no when it’s appropriate, and spanking with love and only on the behind and in private, I disagree with much of the rest of your “teaching”.
Most Respectfully.