Looking Back With Regrets
Yesterday on the Dennis Prager Happiness Hour, he asked this question, “If you have college age children and older, looking back on how you raised them, do you have any regrets?” It was fascinating listening to those who called in. By far the majority said that the women were happy that they were home full time to raise their own children. One man said he wanted his wife to work but she insisted on being home to raise their own four children, and he is thankful that she did.
One woman said that she and her husband decided that she needed to go back to work after having children but after two years, she decided that she didn’t like other people raising her children so they both decided she would come home. Another woman said she worked full time because it made her happy and fulfilled. She didn’t mention what her children thought about it but she was firm that women need to do what makes them “happy.”
One woman said that she worked full time and her biggest regret was not having more children. She said that if she didn’t work, she would have had more children. So her career came before children as she was taught her entire life. Another woman was in her sixties and had been home since her first child was born. Dennis asked her what she does with her life now. She said she does many things that she loves like helping others, caring for her home and husband, helps put on funerals and in her church wherever there is a need. Dennis responded by saying, “It sounds like you have a fulfilling life and a happy marriage.”
Women, God calls me to teach young women to be keepers at home. I don’t want you to look back on your life and have regrets that you weren’t the ones home raising your children and maybe not even having children by choice. God’s perfect will for you is to marry, bear children, and guide the home (1 Timothy 5:14). Our bodies were created to bear and nurture children. Those women who willingly choose to not marry and bear children are going against nature.
Feminism teaches girls and young women the complete opposite of their God-given nature. Begin teaching your daughters God’s will from the time they are young. Go through my Biblical Womanhood Study Guide with them when they are about twelve or so. We are a remnant and our fighting orders from God are to raise godly offspring. Be diligent about this. Show your daughters the joy of doing God’s will. This will cause them to long to be wives and mothers at home like you!
I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
1 Timothy 5:14
83 thoughts on “Looking Back With Regrets”
Ive been reading your blog for a few months now and this one is quite timely for me. I am mother to 4 children, 38, and I stay home with our children. My husband and I are at the point of “do we have more children or not?”.
Intimacy just isn’t as pleasure-able with barriers! But without barriers you have more children and more children you have more, well exhaustion and all that comes with it.
That said my husband has decided more now isnt the best but hasnt completely ruled out more children.
Your article brings up the point that in 10 or 20 years will we wish we hadnt made the “barrier choice?” Wisdom is doing what is hard now but will be right later.
We had a family tragedy 18 months ago and my husbands mother and my sister in law (and unborn child) were killed in a drunk driver crash. We are grateful to have the family that we do have left. And look forward to seeing them again!
It begs the question of should you have more children just because you can? Or focus on raising the ones you have?
You don’t want to look back and regret not having more kids. God said be fruitful and multiply. I believe if you can have kids then have them. Let go let God. Kids are such a blessing.
I regret have only one child. My husband and I had difficulty conceiving and had a miscarriage before our daughter was conceived. After her birth, we “tettered” on whether or not to have another one, and weren’t sure it was possible. When she was 3, my husband was diagnosed with a brain tumor and had to quit working and we mutually decided not to. I wish, at that time, I would have placed my trust in God.
Sara,
I’m so sorry about the deaths in your family. God bless you.
I believe God puts our husbands over us for a reason. As godly women say the degree to which we honor Christ is the degree to which we obey or listen to our husbands. This gives me peace because I trust my husband when he makes decisions for us. Maybe this perspective can ease your worries. The good Word never tells us to worry. We are to rest in Christ, and one way I do that is through being submissive to my husband. I pray my view is a Biblical one.
“Let go let God” says the unmarried young man with (seemingly) no responsibilities in life other than himself… assuming that you are on your own and supporting yourself 100% and not living in you moms basement?
God gave us brains that have the ability to obtain knowledge. He allows us experiences in life (personal and observed) that is designed to produce wisdom for a reason. He expects us to use that knowledge and experience along with Biblical wisdom to make good choices in our lives.
With 4 children, Sara and her husband HAVE been fruitful and multiplied. They HAVE fulfilled that calling and done it well.
We no longer live in an agrarian society that just naturally thrives on having as many children as possible to work on the homestead; a society where even young children could contribute to be a net asset on production and provision for the family.
According to data from the U.S. Department of Agriculture, which regularly tracks the price tag attached to raising a child in the U.S., the average family “will spend approximately $12,980 annually per child in a middle-income (i.e., with an income of $59,200-$107,400), two-child, married-couple family. Additionally, middle-income, married-couple parents of a child born in 2015 will spend, on average, $233,610 ($284,570 if projected inflation costs are factored in) “for food, shelter, and other necessities to raise a child through age 17 and this does not include the cost of a college education,” the USDA report says.”
We live in a much different kind of society today that with each additional child, an enormous burden is placed on the need for resources to provide for that child. In a traditional household, where the mom stays at home and the father provides, most often neither mom nor children help to contribute to the money required for the family to survive. This burden falls to the father alone and can become overwhelming to the man and many men end up working themselves to an early grave.
Don’t get me wrong, I am not discounting that the Lord can (and does) provide but I believe that He expects us to use wisdom in family planning in the same way that He expects us to use wisdom in everything else that we are responsible for on this earth.
Paul suggests in 1 Corinthians 7:25-26 that “…in view of the present distress (the difficult times that he lived in), that it is good for a man to remain as he is (single). If it is suggested that it is “good” for a man to remain single in difficult times, it certainly is also OK for him to choose (in non-sinful ways) to limit the number of children that he has also.
In our present society, there is a certain amount of faith required for a man to even take a wife knowing that the woman will divorce him over 70% of the time and the devastating results that come with that.
In our present society, I would contend that it takes faith to have even ONE child but choosing how many to have is certainly not something that the Bible calls sin. There are MEN that call it sin but GOD does not.
Even for the man who is convinced that “to be fruitful and multiply” is a biblical mandate, “to be fruitful and multiply” means to have children, it does not say that we have to have as many as humanly possible in this day and age of advanced knowledge about how a woman gets pregnant and the non-sinful means of preventing pregnancy.
Yes the Lord is our protector but quoting that truth while you go and play on the freeway in traffic at night will not keep you from getting run over and killed.
Yes, the Lord is our provider but quoting that truth will not guarantee that you will always have food on the table if you are lazy, have a bad gambling or substance abuse problem, cannot keep a budget or if you just keep having children (because you can) way beyond your means to provide for them.
And I believe, Kevin, that you telling this woman to just “Let go let God.” in regards to having more than 4 children (in our present society) is just foolishness, especially in light of YOUR present unmarried condition.
Sara, to answer your question, I say that you would do well to NOT have more children just because you can. I believe (especially in light of what your husband has said) that you should just (be thankful for) and focus on raising the ones you have?
As the eldest of 18 children, I can assure you, you should have as many as you can have.
Demography is destiny. Americans are being deliberately oppressed, as Moses’ mother was, and Mary was, to avoid having children, and perpetuating Christianity. If we stop having children, we will soon become the United States of Americastan, since Muslim women in America are having children at nearly double the rate American women are (3.1 to 1.7 children per woman).
Birth control is unbiblical, and if one views who was behind legalizing it, one finds Margaret Sanger, the Killer Angel.
To each his own brother I just don’t see birth control advocated in the Bible. God bless :).
I’ve had to work the past 5 years, but thankfully was able to get cleaning jobs that my children go with me and do schoolwork while I clean. My kids have never had to stay with babysitters or in daycares, and I thank God for that so much. My oldest is about to graduate and I’ve never ever regretted all of the sacrifices and “doing without” to raise them myself. It is the most important task God has given me-raising them to be world changers for His glory!!
You are a huge blessing in your daughters’ lives, Jill!
That’s because it’s not there. There are tons of things that are not “advocated” in the Bible that we freely do every day.
It’s not the things that are not “advocated” in the Bible that we are to avoid. It is the things that the Bible calls sin that we are to avoid.
Can you show me where the Bible calls (preventative types of) birth control sin?
Ouch Trey!
Kevin, loved you’re gracious response.
The Bible actually does speak on family planning.
Genesis 30:2
“And Jacob’s anger was kindled against Rachel: and he said, Am I in God’s stead, who hath withheld from thee the fruit of the womb?” I’ve said this before, but the word “stead” means “the place or role that someone or something should have or fill”. Therefore, we know from inspiration of God that it is His place in our lives to give us children, and to withhold children; remember, too, this story predates the mosaic law.
In the New Testament we are told to “Neither give place to the devil”, and we know that the devil is here to “steal, to kill, and to destroy”, and since he can’t touch God, he goes after us. If Christian’s remove God from His place, in giving us children, then who do you think takes that role if not for the devil whose plan is to steal? Steal what? We have to remember that the Bible says “the fruit of the womb is HIS reward” and that God joined man and woman together “that he might seek a godly seed”. When you as a born again Christian reject more children, you reject having more godly seed in the world. You agree with the devil to steal more godly seed from God, not realizing that you are limiting the body of Christ when you do so.
Lastly, Romans 12:1 tell us, “I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your REASONABLE service”. I don’t believe this verse is exclusively referring to child-bearing, but certainly that qualifies as ‘acceptable unto God’.
I don’t have all the answers, but the Bible does, and if someone is going to tell you what God wants you to do, make SURE that they give you scriptures to support that claim, then be a Berean and look it up for yourself.
Here are all the scriptures I used in order: Genesis 30:1-2, 2 Timothy 3:16, Ephesians 4:27, John 10:10, Psalm 127:3, Malachi 2:15, Romans 12:1; all King James Bible.
P.S. I would not recommend usurping your husbands authority; if he says no, he’s your lord, then the answer is no. I hope the Lord will soften our hearts to this issue. God bless! 🙂
Kevin, I’m right there with you. Both my husband and I wish we had come to that wisdom from God while we were your age. We would have loved to have more children. Even now my children pray for a sibling. (It would take a special blessing from God as I’m getting “up there” in age).
Keep looking to God for your decisions in life, not fear. God will and DOES provide. I could go on for quite a bit telling you of all the wonderful provisions God has blessed my family with despite having under the average of US household income. The cattle on a thousand hills are God’s, He can certainly provide for another human or so. 🙂
I’m afraid you are wrong, though I agree with 90% of what you write.
The Bible never gives exceptions to the command to be fruitful and multiply.
Christians were commanded to have faith, and surely, if Mary and Moses’ mother had faith to have babies when their babies could have been murdered, surely we won’t let the cost of a child be a consideration to stop having them.
The fearful and the unbelieving are the first two categories of people who are going to hell in Revelation. Times never change, and neither does human nature.
As Esau was cheated out of his destiny by his lack of self control, so America’s Christians are being cheated out of theirs by spitting in the face of the sacrifice and virtue of those in the past, and deciding we know better than they do, which is very proud and arrogant.
Fact is, if the people in 1776 had our morals, AMERICA WOULD HAVE BEEN DESTROYED IN 30 YEARS. And, we are on pace to destroy this country in 30 years, if not sooner.
Yet, there are many who fight for this destructive dysfunction, and that is truly sad. No Christian man ever stands up for birth control. It’s evil and wicked, and has collapsed the birth rate from American women from 3.7 in the 1957 to 1.7 today, the lowest in our entire history, with 2.1 being replacement.
Of course, the exact same year, 1965, that birth control was legalized by a rogue SCOTUS with ‘Griswold vs. Connecticut’, we also passed the ‘Immigration and Nationalization Act’, which meant, in effect, that American women stopped having babies, and we began to replace ourselves with third world types, who often prodigiously bred, and rarely assimilated. Keep in mind, it normally takes 3 generations for legal immigrants to assimilate into America, to say nothing of illegal immigrants.
It certainly is not foolishness to have as many children as a woman medically can in marriage, it is wisdom.
Look at China. The nation is literally dying due to their one child policy. Why would any American think this policy, which came from the same bankrupt intellectual elites who run today’s Democrat party (as they have controlled the Democrat party since Woodrow Wilson, and were the ones who funded the brutal Communism in Russia and China), would be a wise course of action?
Your advice is dead wrong, and will only help to destroy the Christian church, but also to destroy America.
Thank you Trey!!!
Many of your comments drive me insane but this one is so, so good.
This: “Yes, the Lord is our provider but quoting that truth will not guarantee that you will always have food on the table if you are lazy, have a bad gambling or substance abuse problem, cannot keep a budget or if you just keep having children (because you can) way beyond your means to provide for them.”
Reading comments on this blog that basically tell us we are sinning if we don’t have as many children as we possibly have, disturb me greatly.
We have 4 children. Financially, we simply can not have any more. There is nothing worse than putting your children to bed with empty bellies, hugging them as they cry themselves to sleep with hunger, because you have literally nothing to feed them. Yes, God provides. But when what He has provided has been spent on drugs and alcohol instead of food…
And when your husband won’t hold down a job….
It’s so easy for people to say “trust God, He will provide” when they are not living in the situation where what God is providing is being misused.
I am also 38. I simply do not have the energy for another baby – being married to an emotional and verbally abusive man with narcissistic personality disorder is difficult enough without adding another baby into the mix.
I am so, so relieved to see someone on here who is brave enough to go against the grain and say “no, the Bible does not say to have as many babies as you possibly can even when you can’t care for them”.
Yes, babies are good and a blessing and we should have as many as we can reasonably care for. But there comes a point where it’s no longer a good idea to just keep having them because we can.
I absolutely have regrets, but they’re about our situation as a whole, rather than the way we raised our children.
I look back and wonder what I could have done differently to produce a better outcome and the answer is: I don’t know.
I would only say my regret is thinking I was submissive, loved the idea of it in theory or on paper. But I was rebellious.i often went behind my husband’s back because I thought he didn’t “get me”. And squandered our money including our savings. And now, my family is crumbling and our marriage has reached an impasse. I’m scared about the whole idea of finally submitting with everything that I am. It’s because of my rebellion that I regret the way my children were raised and so I shouldn’t be surprised at all by their abominable, demanding behaviour. As they are reflecting me. I hesitate to say my husband is a Godly man, because by who”s or what standard am I calling him Godly? However, nevertheless he has a heart for God and tries to take his role seriously. But, he gets it wrong from time to time. But it’s probably minor in comparison to my faults. I come from a long line of rebellious women. (But, who doesn’t) and there are few women around me who have the same conviction. Women, you may not like what you hear from Lori or those who agree with her. However the Bible says those who have a humble and teachable spirit are wise. Lay down you’re pride for a moment, read what she has to say and compare it with scripture. Not what so and so says. Not what culture does or you’re friends or family. Have an honest look at yourself if you think you’re such a hotshot. You may be humbled by what you discover. Don’t make the same mistake I did.
Children do not cost 13k each per year unless they are doing child support calculations. Absolutely does not cost $250 plus per week to feed and clothe a child. Lot of vanity items in that $250. They dont even eat full size meals cost $4 most places.
Lots of pro feminist propaganda you decided to spread. Can you send over some pay gap material? He didnt shame her. I always tell people to have 10 children whenever the topic of family size comes up. I only have 1 and wish i had 10 so does she.
Can you link the Scripture that tells me his is my “lord”?
Timely post. This morning my 10yo daughter declared that she wants to be a vet when she grows up. By evening I had in mind some things I wanted to share with her. I told her that what I was about to say would be very unpopular among most people but that I always want her to think critically, carefully and most of all biblically. I told her that I could have been a ballerina or a writer. She could certainly become a vet. She is very intelligent, driven and has a heart for animals. The question I posed was, “Just because you or I CAN do something, does it mean we SHOULD do something?” I then talked about how Scripture says that older women should teach the younger women to love their husbands, love their children, be self-controlled, pure and busy at home. I said that if she invests in years of college and a career that she will likely decide to give her babies to someone else to take care of all day so she can go make money at her job and that would mean she would not be busy at home because she wouldn’t be at home. I suggested that maybe she could pray about ways she could help animals. She could even marry a vet who she could help with his practice and that way she could still be busy at home. It was a good talk and I was very happy to be talking about these things early.
Also, I told her that I LOVE my job. I love doing the laundry, cleaning up and helping her dad by packing his lunch and making sure he has dinner on the table with vegetables. I enjoy learning so much because I homeschool and can learn anything I want to at any time! I love being in charge of my schedule and being with my children all day. Even on the hardest day, I’d much rather be home than anywhere else.
Regarding regrets, I regret not talking specifically about these things with my oldest son who just turned 18. I have always been home and we have homeschooled for 6 years but I realize now that not only should we model the things about which we have convictions, but it is imperative that we talk about why we have them, showing where God’s Word is clear.
Jill, you are a lady with no regrets -how wonderful! If only more women would do the same.
Meg,
You say you come from a long line of “rebellious women.” Be the first to break that family trait then! For your own children’s sakes as well as your current marital stare. Ask your husband for forgiveness and get your hands on great books that can teach you how to be a submissive wife. The Bible is the first place to start. You most certainly can break this generational curse, it won’t be easy as your flesh will want to get its way, but continually seek the help of the Holy Spirit every minute of the day and you will triumph. Praying for you, Meg and reach out if you need prayer or help.
Sending much love xx
I’m a teen and my mom was never home. She works full time and my brother and I look after ourselves. She was never there emotionally and would never listen to me, because she was always busy with work or stressed out. She wanted me to help her with her problems instead of the other way around. She divorced my father and my entire childhood I had to deal with my own things and never had the feeling that anyone actually cared what I did or wanted to have interest in me. Now that I’m older I taught myself basic housekeeping, but at the same time I’m in school and have to do all the work there, because my mom pushed me to have a job but can’t pay for university. I’m depressed, alone and feel like I’m good for nothing. I have an eating disorder. I feel like my life has no worth because I could never be a mother , because my mom never taught me how. A job would make me even more miserable though. My father is not in my life and i feel no man could ever love me.
These are the consequences of never having a mom to lean on. It’s not just about what women want. Children matter too.
1 Peter 3:1-6
Kayley, don’t believe Satan’s lies. You are good for something! God has plans for you to shine His light to those around you. You can partner with God and make an impact on people’s eternity.
I’m sorry your mother is limited. That is what I’ve had to realize people are. They can’t always step outside of themselves or they aren’t very wise and don’t know the source of wisdom. You do! You know God and His ways are good and wise. You know forcing a square peg into a round hole won’t work just as going against the way God created women to be won’t work well either.
Although you’re young, your knowledge of God’s ways are needed within the circle God placed you in. Don’t let Satan snuff out your light.
Heartbreaking testimony!!!!!!!! My sister, keep following this blog and reach out to Lori as a resource. Yes, read your Bible but you are in need of an older wife to teach you. I’m write there with you on that, and I knew I needed Godly wisdom. This is the blog I just so happened to find! God will never leave you. I had to choose to have a different life than my mom. My sister recently told me I am living a 50’s lifestyle as an insult…I’m 29 with two sons and a hard working husband. We run a family business and he’s also in military it’s a BLESSED LIFE!!
Trey,
I have six children, and it only costs a lot of money if you allow it to be so. The USDA report is, in my opinion, a fear-mongering vehicle.
Raise children without technology. They will learn to read books — free at the library, cost-effective when you find GOOD books at thrift stores and through lend-lease with other families. Teach them to pick good literature.
Raise children with wholesome, simple food. Teach them to eat what is in front of them and don’t allow complaining — EVER. They will learn to live frugally and not require a fancy restaurant.
Clothe children through the thrift store, through cooperative with other families, and if you can sew, do it (I understand not everybody can; I can’t knit to save my life but I know people who do, and we swap skills). They will learn that less is more, and that they don’t need to follow the latest fashions. Additionally, the girls will learn to scorn the immodesty. From a personal point of view, I am of the opinion that it is better to invest in some good, well-made clothing that will last and that you can pass down — even if it is a little more pricey at the beginning. You don’t need a lot of clothes. I have four outfits total. I wear them until they wear out, then I replace what wears out. Someday I might have more, but that’s what I can afford right now with kids who grow like weeds.
If you need to enroll in an official high school program for high school, do it with your oldest child and keep the materials for the younger ones. Dual-enroll at community college so they can start working on their A.A. while still in high school; it’ll be cheaper. Encourage them to get jobs when they are old enough to work, and help them open investment accounts so they can start laying by while they can save the maximum amount.
Don’t EVER buy your kids their own car, pay for their driver’s insurance, etc. These are expenses they must assume themselves, or they’re not grown up enough to be driving. By the same token, don’t pay for your kids’ phones. They may need one when they start college or are working, but let it be a “dumb phone” (as opposed to Smartphone) and they have to pay for it. Not saying they can’t be on your own plan — or on your own insurance policy — but when the bill comes, they have to pay their portion.
You will find that it costs only a fraction of what the powers that be claim it costs. It’s not as expensive as they say.
Hi Kayley,
Let me first start by saying you have a beautiful name. I am the mother of 10 children who all have names that start with K. So I love K names.
I just want to encourage you to not base your value and worth on the weaknesses of your mother or anyone else. Can you consider the thought that your value does not change with how people treat you? People make mistakes, they can be selfish and I know it hurts, but it does not change your worth. I encourage you to find the book from your library called Victory Over the Darkness Realize the Power of Your Identity in Christ by Neil T. Anderson. Learn about Jesus and who he says you are. I can promise you Jesus does not think you are good for nothing so don’t accept that lie.
Thankyou,
The strange thing is, I have several books on being a submissive wife. I’m well read up on it. But I think I’d only submit to a point that I was comfortable and no more. I often compared my husband to my father who is very controlling and a narcissist. However my husband is neither. Even a secular neuropsychologist told me I NEED to listen to him. But then I felt even more incompetent and child like. I have always wanted to be able to make grown up decisions and be trusted. But I seem to upset people and make a mess when I try. It’s also hard when I see other women doing things I want to do. But I’m not allowed. Or having things I want, but don’t get. ( My kitchen is out dated and falling apart. And my husband won’t even talk of replacing it) . He hates that I’ve gained weight after having 10 kids. (I’m 5’6 and weigh 80 kg) and wants me to lose the weight. He’s become more grumpy over the years and very critical and condescending. There is no support around where I live. So it’s hard. ☹️
A very Godly woman at my church stayed home and raised the children. She’s always been Godly busy. Well guess what! Her husband has tried to pimp her out to the workforce for the last few years. Good thing she has a real degree in a real field, because at 50-something, she has to get out there and compete, and make it on her own. After some 30 years of marriage, he wants out. It’s one thing to start over at 30-something, but at 50-something??? Yeah, good luck with that. Yep, such is life in the real world.
Sara, I am sorry for the loss of your family members. May you all know the consolation of the Almighty and be comforted in the hope of the resurrection to come.
With regards to children, as in all things, please submit to your husband. Pray for him and for yourself too that the Lord may reveal to you both, the condition of your hearts in the area of children i.e. why you may or may not want more children. It is possible to decide either way because of ungodly and/or unbiblical pressures. It is commonplace that some are tempted to have as many children as possible as a badge of honour, motivated by human pride. It is also commonplace to have a few or no children out of fear; of the unknown, the future, present financial constraints and the sheer hardwork and “dying to self” required to raise a large family. I don’t purport to know your husband’s reasons but I do know that “The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD; he turns it wherever he will. Proverbs 21:1” so if you truly have a heart for more children (yes, it’s possible to want no more but hide it in the guise of “submitting” to your husband – which is abuse of submission), pray patiently to God for your husband to have a change of heart. The yearning for another child is a natural longing in us women that society tries to suppress and to shame us for. Take it to the Lord in prayer. After our fifth was born 20 months ago, my husband thought our finances were literally creaking and he thought that was the end of child bearing. I prayed about it and reconciled myself to his decision (as a matter of conscience before God, I do not practice birth control, natural or otherwise, because I am convinced that it is a sin – we are in agreement on this matter, so it was incumbent upon him to get acquainted with my cycle). In the last few weeks God has changed my husband’s heart in this area, and he has now said to me, “we need to have another baby.” I cannot tell you how happy I am. I pray that God will send us one soon. He confessed that he succumbed to fear momentarily but after prayer and seeking God, he had repented and decided to obey God and yield it to Him.
I don’t want to pick a fight with Trey, but I will say that although the Bible doesn’t explicitly address birth control (and many other modern things like social media, driving, television etc)
“In chapter 1, paragraph six, the Westminster divines stated that “The whole counsel of God concerning all things necessary for His own glory, man’s salvation, faith and life, is either expressly set down in Scripture, or by good and necessary consequences may be deduced from Scripture…”
“…by good and necessary consequences…is a profoundly important statement. It points to the need for careful thought in reading,…and thinking about the Bible.” (See https://www.placefortruth.org/blog/westminster-confession-faith-good-necessary-consequence)
I fear that Trey’s response leans too much on one’s own wisdom and “sight” as well as the currently trending financial fear mongering fueled by the spirit of the age. Also scripture references to support his arguments are conspicuous by their absence. I hold a university degree in Economics with a major in statistics, and I will tell you this – there is no such thing as an unbiased statistic. Bias in a sample space maybe be mathematically controlled for in a population, but bias of worldview cannot be controlled for in the statistician. Let me urge you to “Trust in the Lord, with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding…” Proverbs 3:5,6
Remember also that what seems well thought out and reasonable to you, may still be wrong in God’s sight because “ The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?” Jer 17:9 so follow the Bible and never “follow your heart” or the crowd (especially not the erudite unregenerate one)
Like the hymn says, “all I once held dear, built my life upon, all this world reveres and wars to own. All I once thought gain, I have counted loss, spent and worthless now, compared to this – KNOWING YOU, JESUS. There is no greater thing.”
Sara, examine your heart in light of God’s Word, see if there may be something that this world holds dear and ask Him to help you let it go.
“Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:23-24
God bless you and your dear family.
A mom,
My kids are adults and I know what it cost to raise them. We home-schooled and utilized most of the (excellent) suggestions that you made above and I was blessed that my (stay at home) wife was very frugal.
I am not endorsing the USDA numbers as being “gospel”, but I know for a fact (lived experience) that it costs a lot more to (properly) raise children (in this day and age) than what many stay at home moms and certainly most unmarried young men think it does.
I also know of the heavy burden that it puts on a man (in our current civilization where most people would not consider trying to raise a family on a single income) and the personal price that a man pays to take that responsibility upon himself 100% with wages being so low and taxes, housing, medical costs and insurance being so high.
If a husband wants to keep his wife pregnant constantly and have as many children as her body will produce then that is between him and God… but there is no biblical New Testament mandate for it and I do not believe that it is part of Gods MORAL law that carries forth into the New Covenant.
The basis for the comment was a strong objection to a young unmarried man encouraging a grown married woman with 4 kids, (whose husband has already indicated that he did not currently want more children), that she should just keep having kids “because she could”.
That is all a man needs is for his wife to (emotionally) be pressuring him into having more children because she (mistakenly) believes that it’s Gods will for her to keep having them just because she can.
Thankfully, she was home raising her children.
Why not direct her to the Bible instead of a book filled with man’s ideas?
That being said, I’m juggling several books at the moment and trying to read a proverb a day. I’m also going through my house and rearranging it in the way I know my husband likes according to the systems he tried setting up for me. I’m trying to discipline myself to go the extra mile instead of letting things pile up and taking some more effort into my appearance. I realise my last comment revealed my selfish motives and how deceived I was. While I have ten kids, I only have 4 at home at the moment. (For reasons I will keep private) I do not speak to my father and my mother has disowned me. Her choice. I’m a lover of chocolate and sweets so it’s going to be hard to give up. But I won’t lose weight if I don’t try. I love Lori’s blog and books and I will read them over and over till my last breath. Thankyou for you’re kind words. God bless.
The reality is that even if you stop using barriers, you don’t actually know you will or can have any more children. That is an assumption. I had three children, each two years apart. My last child was born when I was 30. We have NEVER used a barrier or hormonal method. We did use “pull out” at certain times, but honestly, with the amount of times we did not, and very close to my ovulation date, one would think we would have had an “oops” child. But I am 41 now and it never happened! I have no health problems either. So all that to say, you really never know.
A Mom,
I agree with everything you said -except to ‘raise children without technology.’ Doing so means you are raising children who will be as, or possibly more technologically inept than boomers. Technologically inept = very, very limited job opportunities, like stocking shelves and digging ditches. I went to college at the cusp of the PC era. I was poor, on a scholarship and did not have a computer. I also lived off campus, so I didn’t have easy access to the computer lab. I struggled when I first went to work and had to spend a lot of extra time and money going to tech classes to learn excel and accounting programs like JD Edwards. Also, I don’t/do disagree with you on spending money on clothing. Your principle and theory, I agree with. However, as the youngest child, I got nothing but hand-me-downs and yard sale items. Latest fashion? Huh, I was wearing the big, big flare bell-bottom jeans from 1972 – when it was 1985. My Mom bought – and I wore micro-minis from 1968 when mid-calf length jean skirts were the fashion. I was tormented to the point I was suicidal by my wardrobe. We weren’t that poor by the time I was pre-teen age, because all my siblings were out of the house and my Dad had the same amount, or more money coming in. My Mom was just cheap and my Dad was oblivious. When I was invited in to the National Honor Society, I refused. My Mother was dumbfounded! She wanted to know why. My reason – I wasn’t going to Honor Society meetings and events dressed in the clothes I had to wear. I doubt you are as extreme as my Mom – but it scarred me. My children have the nicest clothes of anybody and everybody. That is the way it is and that is the way it will be.
I agree that it doesn’t have to cost a huge amount to raise kids, but the costs that are there *must* be met. Yes, scrimping and saving can be done but it only goes so far.
Like Trey, I object to single, childless people who, quite frankly, don’t have a clue, saying that preventing more babies when the family is already at it’s limit, is a sin.
There are days when I desperately wish we could have another baby – but I had my tubes tied (with my husband’s blessing) after our 4th baby was born because it was so stressful every month hoping we had not accidentally made another life we simply could not afford to care for.
We have to make immense sacrifices to raise the children that we have. We both drive old cars – 1995 and 1998 that cost less than $1000 because that’s all we can afford.
We have no luxuries – we can’t afford them (he can always afford his addictions though…. But I haven’t been to the dentist in 10 years because we can’t afford it. This is despite me having 4 teeth that desperately need to come out, 1 has abscessed and I’m in constant pain).
No, it definitely doesn’t cost $250 a week to feed and clothe a child – it can’t possibly, because we have 4 children and we simply don’t have that kind of money to spend.
Please, please, I beg those of you who are single and childless, please don’t condemn those of us who have chosen to limit our family size. It is not a sin. The size of families is between the families themselves and the Lord.
Lori,
What do you say to the response that our girls need a back-up plan in case they never marry or something happens to their husbands? I believe you have addressed this in a post but I can’t remember which one.
Thank you
Mother Dearest – I love your wisdom. It is always so encouraging to me.
How about this post?
https://thetransformedwife.com/not-teaching-exceptions-and-what-ifs/
I’m right there with Trey and KAK
Long story short, I’m an engineer and my husband has an MBA. I found myself unemployed in early 2010, and discovered I was pregnant ( at 41 and a half.) My husband had lost his job in Oct. 2009. We got jobs – making about 15% of our previous incomes. I sold my horses. We sold a car. We tried to sell our house. We sold my inherited heirloom furniture and jewelry. We sold an extra tv. We sold our only tv. We sold our wedding rings.
I had the baby, and my husband got a better job – making about 25 % of his previous income. We tried to sell our house at a loss. I gave away my beloved pets. I euthanized my 22 year old cat that I had since I was 20 years old for no other reason than I could no longer afford her and couldn’t find a home for her without other cats. The hot water heater broke. We took cold showers. We spent our savings, we spent our retirement. Our car got older and frequently broke down. I hitchhiked to a pediatric Dr. appt when my son was a few months old and the car broke down. We lost our house. We moved in to a kind friend’s attic with no heat or AC. We had a space heater and an air mattress on the floor. We slept together with our son between us to keep him freezing. When hot weather came, we moved to the dirt floor basement.
I got a job in 2012 and we moved to a slum apartment infested with mice. Literally, we had 2 dozen traps and emptied them all daily. Bedbugs crawled through the walls from other apartments. We were surrounded by drug addicts. I got a better job in 2013. We discussed having more children. I wasn’t gung ho on the idea – but did as my husband wished. We saved enough money to put 22% down on a small, but very nice house, with no acreage. Our daughter was born a month later, in 2014. We had a son in 2017. My husband is 48 and I’m 51. His income is only 40% of what it was and I don’t think it’s going to recover. We have started over. We are making triple house payments, and saving 20 percent of our joint gross income as well as saving for our children to go to college. We are doing much better.
My husband asked me if I would like a new wedding ring. I said no. I did not tell him that not having a wedding ring is a daily reminder of how grateful I am for my job and the fact that I have heat and hot water and AC and I don’t live in filth, or have to beg for food at pantries, holding my baby. We will never recover financially to where we were. We are blessed to have what we have, and we have much more than many. We did everything right, and still we are in the situation where we both plan, and hope, and pray we can work until the day we die. God may choose to provide for you and he may choose not to. He may also choose to provide for you by giving you the intelligence and the ability to work. I am so grateful I am able to help provide for our family.
I love my children, but if I find myself in dire financial straits again, I will regret having the two youngest ones. More than ANYONE, I KNOW what it is like to live in an unsafe situation, stepping on crack pipes, and thinking it might be a blessing, if a stray bullet just took you and your child out. I KNOW what it is like to listen to your child cry all day and half the night, because he is too cold or hot. I know the anguish of waking in a panic, when your child is finally quiet, fearing he has frozen or has heatstroke. I won’t do it again. At least I had the CHANCE of supporting my family, because I was blessed with the ability to get a good education at a young age, and had a lot of work experience. Everybody has a back-up plan, because everyone experiences failure and set-backs. So, you can have a back-up plan – like an education and a chance to get a job; Or, your back-up plan can be to give your children away, or abandon them, because you cannot watch them suffer anymore. Like I said, I’ve been there. I WON’T do it again – for any length of time.
Someday I wish that we, as Christian’s, will be able to have a civil conversation about this topic, instead of people resorting to ignoring those of us who gave strong, biblically-based arguments for our positions. I wish my elders in the Lord would correct me when and if I’m wrong, but instead I see no one is willing to crack open a Bible and tell me why I’m wrong. Are not the younger supposed to learn from the elder? And yet not a single person in this whole thread has addressed me or Montesquieu on our very valid points, nor has anyone debunked them. Instead we’re indirectly told that we don’t even qualify to so much as talk about the doctrine. Tempers flare when topics are controversial, and surrenduring all to the Lord is nice in thought, but sometimes deathly terrifying in real life. I get that people have REAL lives, REAL fears, and REAL consequences to their actions, and certainly for many of you having more children is your version of “walk(ing) through the valley of the shadow of death”, but the utter refusal of those who oppose the immorality of child limitation to even consider what the Bible says, or what their brothers and sisters tell them in love, is a sad statement to how the love of many has waxed cold.
There are plenty of things that the Bible tells me and I know it’s true, yet I fail almost every day to follow it. There are things in scripture, that when I read it, I get scared, “LORD you want me to do that; I’m afraid.” If anybody can testify that they have failed the LORD it is ME! I’ve been a Christian for almost five years, and I still find myself repenting of things that I struggled with my first year of salvation. I am in no way proclaiming that I am an all-day-every-day righteous Christian when I stand for God and say “He is the sole Author of Life, and man has no business removing God from His place”.
I don’t desire to fight with anybody on this issue, not anymore at least, but to see my elders in the Lord, who I’m suppose to learn from, resorting to petty silent treatments and mockings is just embarrassing.
Very well articulated, Mara. Children are blessings from God and we should NEVER live our lives in fear but by faith in God Almighty. This I know.
Mara, you remind me of Elihu in the book of Job (which is a good thing).
Because sometimes when people have been so wounded a book that is filled with scripture and the knowledge of an elder in the Lord is an easier place to start. I try to meet people where they are at not where I am at.
Dear KAK,
I’m afraid you are severely deceived by a culture that has done a masterful job of deceiving tens of millions of women. Imagine if the Jewish women in Egypt had had your attitude. It would have been a tiny trickle coming out of Egypt, rather than a mighty horde. If they could have babies when they were slaves, what excuse do you have for not having babies when you are free, but are in a system that is trying to make you be a slave by cutting off women having children. The less children American women have in marriage, the easier it will be to enslave our nation.
Any woman who does not have as many children as she can have is defying God. It is because of the rebellion of American women and men to obey God’s commands that is part of the reason why it is so hard to have children currently.
A low fertility rate is the destroyer of economies. Chinese Communists, funded by Wall Street bankers, initially started the One Child policy in China, and it has wrecked their demographics, as the nation has a lot of old people, and the younger ones are overwhelmed.
God never commanded to consider finances when being married and having children. That is heresy, and it was fed into the church by Marxists, who taught the church to focus on materialism. Your attitude is no different from the Jews in the Wilderness, who yearned for the slavery of Egypt, because they wanted to be comfortable. Hebrews 11 is the book of faith, and it details men and women who did the right thing WHEN IT WAS NOT COMFORTABLE OR EASY.
Moses left Egypt where he was a prince, to go to an unknown future and to the desert. Abraham left his people, Joseph was a slave, but they had faith, and obeyed God, NO MATTER WHAT.
If a husband is using drugs and alcohol, then his wife needs to leave him, until he fixes himself. She cannot remarry unless he commits adultery, but this is why it’s wise to consider one’s spouse carefully before marriage. There are many hard working and honest men who many women reject for marriage because they are too ‘boring’. Yet, the exciting men often get into trouble, the women often complain, and society is supposed to pity the woman. Rarely do virtuous men in youth turn to lives of debauchery later in life.
Also, I’m skeptical of claims that a woman is being emotionally and verbally abused, and when they call a man a narcissist. The Bible does command a husband to love his wife, but in Genesis, it says that women will fight to control their husbands, and husbands will fight to dominate their wives. Often, many women do this to get their way.
If a husband is abusing drugs and alcohol, he shouldn’t be in the home.
I’m sorry you are dealing with what appears to be a man who lacks self control, and is selfish, but, God’s commands come first.
Mara – when we made the decision to have a tubal ligation we DID seek the scriptures. We prayed. We spoke to the elders of our church. We all came to the same conclusion – we HAD already followed the biblical command to be fruitful and multiply.
As Mother Dearest said – the longing for a baby is natural in women. It’s natural in me, too.
The Bible does not command preventing pregnancy using non-abortive means. But it DOES command wives to submit to their husbands. This command is very, very clear. When you attempt to tell women (who already have multiple children) that they must not prevent pregnancy despite their husbands making it plain they can not provide for any more (not just financially, either) YOU are the one sinning. We are to submit to our husbands. Scripture is clear.
And as I said – until you have been in the position of seeing God’s provision get wasted while your children cry in hunger, you cannot possibly know the peace that comes in heartfelt prayer and that sometimes, God leads us to make choices that others cannot understand.
It is extremely difficult to submit to a critical man. I doubt there’s too much that’s harder. But the Lord can give you strength. Keep praying.
Truth is truth, irrespective of who says it.
Being a married man does not mean you are right about issues of marriage and family. That arrogant attitude of yours is truly despicable and wrong. No wonder singles really hate married people in the church – not because they are “jealous” but because of the attitudes of married people.
Contraception is sin. Look at the case of Onan. He was punished because he spilled his seed. That was the basis of the punishment, not because he simply failed to obey God on the commandment to have children.
Contraception violates the conjugal union, in that it detaches it from its purpose which is for procreation.
The only legitimate way for married couples to avoid children is to abstain. Sounds harsh, but if you want to marry and have sex, then accept the consequences.
KAK, I completely agree with you. I’m sorry you are in such difficult circumstances.
Sigh. While I appreciate everybodues varied opinions, it seems some, if not most of you missed the part where she said her husband hasn’t ruled out more kids, but just didn’t think now was a good time. So it’s just a matter of working out as a couple how they plan to avoid that and then she need to submit to her husband’s final say. Problem,solved. In the mean time she can educate herself on being frugal. And pray daily for God’s direction in the matter. There was no need for rants for or against birth control. And with 10 kids of my own and an additional 3 with the Lord it’s pretty obvious I’m not advocating hormonal birth control. Should that be an option for them.
Meg, I was in a similar situation that you are in…..rebellious, u submissive, thinking I deserved newer, better, etc. But my marriage was miserable. It was affecting our children. They were scared and skittish and insecure because I argued daily with my husband. I wanted my way. One summer it got so bad that I feel the Lord impressed upon me…..what did I have to lose? He meant, I’d tried it my way for more than twenty years and it was only getting worse. I thought if I gave it all up and FULLY submitted to my husband, my life would crumble and I’d become a shell of myself, etc. But God challenged me with that question. I gritted my teeth, held my breath, and jumped. Now my marriage has improved 80%. My children are secure and are no longer scared or skittish. My husband went from being apathetic towards me to being gentle and nurturing and more sensitive. In my rebellion, I’d robbed from him his natural desire to protect me. But it’s back now. I still struggle with submission and probably always will, but our home is a different place. Not perfect, but changed. God’s ways ARE best!
Oh absolutely she needs to submit to her husband in this matter. I was just saying in general couples should have more kids because they are a blessing and birth control is wrong. But yeah she needs to follow her husband’s decision.
@KAK
I totally agree with you that women need to submit to their husbands when it comes to all things, including family planning. However, does this mean that Genesis 30:2 is NOT true?
i have a 2 year old i stay home with, i regret not working for the first 5 years of my married life before getting pregnant. I wish somebody would have told me about work from home jobs back then, im currently taking online classes from home and doing great with Gods help. Once I get done, then hubby can get certified and get a better paying job that doesn’t beat his body up so bad. He has come home countless times with cuts to his bones that work wouldnt cover for the injurys and before the baby we couldnt get MA. It hurts me so bad that he works so hard outside in all weather conditions to bring home the little money that he makes, I actually signed us up for medicaid and got for the 3 of us bc he makes so little. i would like to cook better food, but we have to wait for more money or Cost of living to come down. Thankfully we are not in the conditions that i myself grew up in. Im am praying and determined with God helping us to double our take home pay within the next year. There is no reason for Gods people to have to suffer and do without basics. heat, food, water
Thank you Trey for sticking up for people who dont have a house full of kids. hopefully i have the right name, nobody says anything on here about the people who can only carry through with one pregnancy. We are very grateful that we have been blessed with our baby girl. some people can only physical carry and have one child. i originally planned on three he wanted 1 or none(none bc of the world we live in, he didnt want any bad exposure) unless we had twins. we didnt expect the problems that I had and so i never complain anymore about when people have no children or only one bc we dont know their situation medically. there are also adopted children in our family. I dont know if we will adopt yet or not, he doesn’t at to. he wants to concentrate on raising her properly in church. Also, i hate to say this, but there are always children who will need to be adopted for various reasons, due to death of parents, abuse, neglect etc, my sisters church helps out an orphanage once a year.
will say a prayer for everyone who needs help in their current situations
Aww, thanks ?. Hope you had a great time at church!
Mother Dearest, thank you for your encouraging and thoughtful comments. While I am not of childbearing age–your youngest child is 20 months, and my youngest grandchild is 20 months :)–your wise and Biblical counsel is applicable to every situation in every believer’s life. I was encouraged as I apply what you wrote to current situations in my own life. I am certain that I am not the only one who follows this blog who would love to know if the Lord blesses you with more children! Blessings to your family.
Montesquieu – I AM obeying God by submitting to my husband – a direct command of scripture.
The Bible does not say that I should only be submitting to my husband when he is not battling addiction. Nor does the Bible say I should be kicking him out of our house because he is battling addiction. It says I should submit. There are no qualifiers to that.
My husband does not want any more babies. After much prayer I am at peace with our decision. Your interpretation of the Bible regarding this does not matter.
Great points, Mara,
there are many who come here who care more about WHO is right, and not about WHAT is right.
Ego means Edging Out God, and there are many who are perfectly content to self righteously make up their own doctrines, found no where in the Bible.
That said, there are many wise and virtuous people here to appreciate, and you are one.
America needs many more women like you, with your attitude. At least 90% of the marriageable women in America right now are dead set on practicing birth control in our out of marriage, for ‘muh equality’.
Strongly recommend reading the 1922 book ‘Red America’, and Myron Fagan’s brilliant ‘The CFR and the Illuminati’. They give insight into the hidden snakes who have controlled the Democrat party since 1912, and who are behind the vicious attack on marriage and the church.
We believe that birth control of any kind is against God’s purpose for marriage, for sexual intimacy and for women. But Sara it is for your husband to decide and you to pray that he chooses to follow Christ.
Sue, that truly is a sad thing to befall that lady. It’s a reminder that as Christians we don’t obey God on a quid pro quo basis; following His commands in expectation of receiving an exemption from suffering in this world. We obey God and follow His commands because He requires it of us. Because we love Him.
“If you love me, you will keep my commandments.” John 14:15
I just want to try and refute the prevailing opinion that women who choose to quit their jobs or never to work outside the home in the first place, are somehow oblivious to the risks that their choice carries. We often hear unfortunate tales of women faithfully serving as keepers at home, submitting to their husbands, surrendering their wombs to God, homeschooling their children, and generally choosing to go against the grain of the feminist zeitgeist; only for great misfortune to befall them in any combination of widowhood, involuntary divorce, death of a child, disability of the husband that leads to loss of income, children walking away from or out rightly rejecting the faith, terminal illness like cancer, loss of the home to natural disasters, the list of possibilities is as long as the list of SAHMs in the world.
These sad tales, though true, are often recounted with the intention of striking terror in the hearts of all women who would ever contemplate obeying the clear Biblical commands for their lives. The stories are shared as cautionary tales to young ladies and “eye openers” for those already “at home”. You can tell that this is the intention by how shocked the narrators always seem to be that anyone, especially a “godly” SAHM should ever suffer in this world. The give away is the emphasis put on the fact that the lady in question was godly and obedient. The same variety of misfortune befalls working women, non believing women and feminists of every tongue, tribe, and nation with just as much statistical probability, but the sympathy aimed at them is rarely accompanied by a sense of surprise that it could happen because they were “wisely” taking charge of their lives. In fact you never hear young girls being told that a woman with a full time job, got widowed recently, “yep, such is life in the real world.” as though SAHMs live in teletubby land until disaster strikes, thereby unceremoniously launching them into the real world where working women have been living all along.
Let’s be clear on one thing; no one regardless of their life choices, is exempt from suffering in this life. Christian women who choose to obey God’s calling of Biblical womanhood have counted the cost. They know what could go wrong. Many have lived and are living through it joyfully. They are the ones living in the real world, which is governed and powerfully preserved by their Creator and Savior. Read the blog called Home Joys and be encouraged by a Christian homeschooling pastor’s wife who was widowed by a glioblastoma claiming her husband’s life; leaving her with 6 children to raise. Her trust in God and “joie de vivre” gave me tremendous encouragement during a very dark time of suffering.
The shorter WCF asks
Q. 19. What is the misery of that estate whereinto man fell? (After Adam’s sin)
A. All mankind, by their fall, lost communion with God, are under his wrath and curse, and so made liable to all miseries in this life, to death itself, and to the pains of hell forever.
We are liable to all miseries in this life. So we should not be surprised when misfortune befalls anyone. Our Lord, led a life of poverty and suffering during his earthly sojourn. He was the sinless, spotless lamb of God, He was holy, harmless and undefiled; the creator of ALL things “All things were made by Him, and without him was not anything made that was made.” John 1:3 yet He humbled Himself, He suffered the painful shameful death of the cross. Who do we think we are ladies? Shall we disregard His clear Biblical instructions on how we are to conduct ourselves and manage our homes in favor of hedging against the possibility of misfortune? Are we to put fear of suffering ahead of faith in God? No indeed! Our salvation doesn’t guarantee material well-being in this life. To quote the shorter WCF once more;
Q. 36. What are the benefits which in this life do accompany or flow from justification, adoption, and sanctification?
A. The benefits which in this life do accompany or flow from justification, adoption, and sanctification, are, assurance of God’s love, peace of conscience, joy in the Holy Ghost, increase of grace, and perseverance therein to the end.
When we are in Christ; no matter the circumstances of life; our joy is complete. We don’t have to fear what tomorrow will bring. If you are a SAHM or working mom who has not put your trust in Christ alone for your salvation, sadly whereas you remain liable to all suffering in this life, you are outside of the assurance of God’s love, peace of conscience, joy in the Holy Ghost, increase of grace, and perseverance therein to the end. Start right there where it is urgent. If you are a woman redeemed by Christ, don’t be afraid to live out a life of obedience to the Lord in accordance with the scriptures because suffering happens to everyone. Trust in the Lord who in His providence, has foreordained whatsoever shall come to pass in your life for His glory and your good. Even if you only have a week of being at home before all unravels and you are forced to seek employment, God sees your heart. Even if you poured your heart and soul into your marriage only for your husband to walk away, God sees your heart. Ladies, let’s rightly recognize God as being truly enthroned in our hearts, not self preservation or self actualization. Please take your Bible even just the New Testament and underline every mention of suffering. You will find that it is to be expected it is the “normal” and we are told what our attitude to it ought to be, what purpose it serves, Christ’s example for us, how we are to conduct ourselves during times of suffering and ultimately that God will put an end to it. But until then, humbly and joyfully we serve our King, yes even at the risk of disappointment and disaster as the world defines them “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us.” Romans 8:18
How then can I disregard His calling on my life to be a keeper at home just to hedge against the likelihood of widowhood or divorce if indeed by worrying I cannot improve my longevity by so much as a second? Today, I will trust Him and be a SAHM, knowing that should He call me to widowhood or involuntary divorce tomorrow, He will equip me, provide for me, comfort me and never forsake me.
Katherine, I am sorry for the misfortune that befell your family. I am a native African woman born and raised in a war torn country so I know what it means to survive on very little. My heart goes out to you. Are you born again? Have you had the privilege of hearing a clear presentation of the Gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ? Have you put your trust in Christ alone for your salvation? If the answer is “YES” then take heart my sister, Psalm 56:8 says “ You have kept count of my tossings; put my tears in your bottle. Are they not in your book.” God is near to the broken hearted and for those who are in Christ, “ And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Katherine, if your answer is “NO” please realize that your greatest need right now is that of a Saviour and that in as a non believer, any suffering that you encounter in this life is NOTHING compared to an eternity of separation from God in the eternal torment of hell. As a matter of urgency, attend to this first.
Regardless of whether your answer was yes or no; I’d like to point out that your children are made in the image of God and they have souls that can never die. This life will pass away with its Engineering degrees and MBAs, it’s good jobs, backup plans and it’s best laid plans too. However, if it pleases the Lord to redeem you and your children; guess what treasures you will take with you from this world, into eternity? Your precious children. Now doesn’t that make your suffering pale in comparison?
Brandie – Thank you.
Montesquieu – I’m not American.
I admit I didn’t choose my husband wisely, but it hasn’t been all bad, either.
My husband was gainfully employed when we got married but an injury forced a career change and that is pretty much when our problems started. He’d had addictions previously, but when we got married he was clean.
You say if he is abusive and has addictions he shouldn’t be in the home, but how am I meant to obey God if we are not together? We have separated in the past, and reconciled, and it worked well, but the emotional upheaval on the kids is terrible.
I read Lori’s blog because she encourages women to live out the scriptures and be submissive wives regardless of whether or not our husbands are obeying God and doing their part. I find it very helpful to me. Telling a woman to leave her husband because he is living in sin goes against everything Lori’s blog is about. It would be different if I am in physical danger but I am not. And I am not going to upend my children’s lives because I am miserable. That’s not what God requires of me.
What scripture do you use to tell a woman she is in sin for preventing more babies, but she is not in sin for taking her 4 children and separating from her husband? That makes absolutely no sense.
You are acting as though I have committed absolute atrocities by obeying my husband and only having 4 children. Limiting family size to fit the resources God has given us is not sinful. If you believe it is, please give me scripture that shows that, because we searched the scriptures, prayed, and sought the advice of church elders and could find no such scripture.
Don’t quote me Roe vs Wade – I’m not in America and not under your laws. I want scripture. The actual command that tells women to continue having babies they cannot care for, that their husbands do not want.
I’ll wait.
When our first daughter was born I quit my job as a credit manager. I made the same income my husband did and we needed both incomes to pay the bills and eat. We did not have anything left for savings or extras. We had no idea how we were going to make it, but I knew I could never leave the child God gave me to someone else. Two years later we bought a house and we soon had two more children. I have never regretted staying home and I couldn’t even imagine it any other way. My regret and my husband’s is that we had never heard of trusting God for the number of children we should have. All my life I was questioned about how many did I want. It wasn’t until 8 years ago I heard it from my daughter who God has blessed with 5 children. I am 55 and I very much regret numbering my children. I wish I had heard about trusting God in this area. No church I have ever been in has addressed this issue. But the Lord has been so gracious and we have 8 grandchildren and one due this summer. Thank you for your website and putting Truth for women who desire God’s calling of biblical womanhood.
Katherine, we were going down a similar road as you were financially, not quite as dire as we had parents willing to help and our church definitely would have. The one biggest thing that changed for us was understanding scripture and God’s provision. We watched this seminar together. https://store.iblp.org/financial-freedom-seminar.html?&search=sammons&searchoffset=&ProductsPerPage=&psboost=name%2Cauthor&psrelevance=name%2Cdescrip%2Cauthor&filter_cat=&PowerSearch_Begin_Only=&sort=&range_low=&range_high=
It really highlights Jesus’ words when he said,
“Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment? Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they? Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin: And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith? Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?(For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things. But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you. Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.”
God has indeed provided! We are not rich by America’s standards, but we have been so blessed in innumerable ways and have avoided pitfalls that the Bible clearly speaks against but the world obscures.
Thanks, man, I appreciate the kind words; I try to be wise, but I definitely have my moments where I am not. The wisdom that you and others share on this site has been some of my biggest motivations in my walk with God, honestly. I’ve read quite a few of your comments, and even checked out your Messano News website, and you have taught me a LOT! Just recently I was reading about the origins of public school from the links that you shared and they were eye-opening to say the least. True history is WAY more exciting than the lies we are told!
It’s men like you, who get kicked off Twitter for exposing the lies, that America needs more of, lol.
Even condoms? May I ask what’s wrong with having sex for pleasure only? And condoms aren’t stopping a pregnancy are they, they’re only preventing the egg and sperm from ever meeting.
You’re welcome, Tracy! Yes, children and grandchildren are a great blessing.
j
“Truth is truth, irrespective of who says it.” In that we agree 100% but truth is not defined by man but by God and revealed to us in His word.
Onan was NOT punished because he spilled his seed. Onan was punished because the Old Testament law of Levirate marriage commanded him to father a child with his widowed sister-in-law and by spilling his seed (with her) he was in disobedience to the law.
Disobedience to the law was why he was punished, not for “just” spilling his seed.
No where in the Bible does it tell us that contraception is a sin.
Mother Dearest,
No worries about picking a fight with me. I don’t consider anything that I believe to have originated from me so I don’t take personal offense to disagreement. In an effort to help others, I say what I believe to be the truth of Gods Word and leave the results to the Holy Spirit.
You have my deepest respect for your personal convictions and testimony. I will however, use some of your own word’s to summarize my point. You agree that “the Bible doesn’t explicitly address birth control”. THIS is the point I am trying to make.
If the Bible does not explicitly address it, then it is not a sin issue but one that is left to wisdom. We are free to make these types of (non moral) decisions based on wisdom. Within the realm of “wisdom” there will be bad, good, better and best decisions, but none of them will be (in and of themselves) sin.
Mara,
I don’t know if I am included in this comment or not but the reality of it is that there are many disagreements on what the Truth of Gods Word is in different areas.
I strive not to argue with those that disagree with my understanding but to make sure that what I am convinced (is the truth) is stated plainly and I leave the results to the Holy Spirit to do what He wills in each individual that hears it.
If I do not respond directly to someone it is certainly not that I am giving them the “silent treatment” or “mocking” them. It is just me agreeing to disagree (in our civil conversation) and moving on in a spirit of mutual respect.
Trey your argument that the Bible needs to explicitly express everything sinful for it to be a sin is limited. It would be like arguing that it is okay for Christian women to wear bikinis in public because the Bible doesn’t explicitly speak against bikinis. While it doesn’t speak against bikinis, it does speak for modesty. In the same way the Bible doesn’t speak against birth control but does speak for children being a blessing and like arrows in the hand of a mighty warrior.
I would not want to come off as if I’m teaching or having authority over you. Normally I wouldn’t mind going in depth on these types of discussions with other women but since there are so many men on here (including yourself) I’ll hold my peace. But here is a great resource. https://store.iblp.org/be-fruitful-and-multiply.html
I will quote this one scripture that I find is a blessing to so many areas of our lives including our fertility.
” For the kingdom of heaven is as a man travelling into a far country, who called his own servants, and delivered unto them his goods. And unto one he gave five talents, to another two, and to another one; to every man according to his several ability; and straightway took his journey. Then he that had received the five talents went and traded with the same, and made them other five talents. And likewise he that had received two, he also gained other two. But he that had received one went and digged in the earth, and hid his lord’s money. After a long time the lord of those servants cometh, and reckoneth with them. And so he that had received five talents came and brought other five talents, saying, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me five talents: behold, I have gained beside them five talents more.
His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. He also that had received two talents came and said, Lord, thou deliveredst unto me two talents: behold, I have gained two other talents beside them. His lord said unto him, Well done, good and faithful servant; thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. Then he which had received the one talent came and said, Lord, I knew thee that thou art an hard man, reaping where thou hast not sown, and gathering where thou hast not strawed: And I was afraid, and went and hid thy talent in the earth: lo, there thou hast that is thine. His lord answered and said unto him, Thou wicked and slothful servant, thou knewest that I reap where I sowed not, and gather where I have not strawed: Thou oughtest therefore to have put my money to the exchangers, and then at my coming I should have received mine own with usury. Take therefore the talent from him, and give it unto him which hath ten talents. For unto every one that hath shall be given, and he shall have abundance: but from him that hath not shall be taken away even that which he hath. And cast ye the unprofitable servant into outer darkness: there shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”
Mara – that verse is not at all relevant to women who already have 4 children. Nor is it about birth control. In the context we are using here, that verse is absolutely irrelevant.
Birth control was absolutely around in Bible days – they used herbs etc. Acacia is one that they still use today, that was used in ancient Rome.
If birth control was a sin, it would be written plainly in the Bible and we wouldn’t need to twist verses and take them out of context to try to make them fit our agenda.
Having children, whether that is 1 or 10+ is following the Bible.
If you can reasonably stay with your husband while he’s battling addiction, that’s great, not all women can. It’s a tough decision, and the fault is not yours. Alas, your husband is defying God by deciding not to have more children.
Yes, you should submit to him, but you should never defend his defiance of God. You submit as Abigail did to Nabal.
There are certain sins a woman should leave her husband over. However, in our society, where people are so isolated, and the enslaving government awaits with ‘benefits’ that is not easy.
The Bible is very clear, a woman who marries is to have as many children as she can. It’s also clear that God does not tolerate the abuse of women and children by husbands, and I’m talking about legitimate abuse, not the made up nonsense so many women concoct. While the woman cannot remarry, unless her husband has committed adultery, she can live elsewhere, until he fixes himself.
Limiting family size is sinful, as God always provides the necessary resources for those who obey him.
You’re welcome, Mara,
glad you read it, you cannot find most of that information in newspapers, on television, and from schools, as they are all disinformation stations, largely.
That’s why I started it, to get the news out, but, sadly, there is massive apathy. Kind of sad CNN, MSNBC, ABC, CBS, Google, and many others are making billions off of lying to people, and yet, those who tell the truth have only God to rely on. That said, I’d rather rely on God than all the power, wealth, and pleasure this world has to offer.
Thank you for reading, it was by thoroughly scouring lots of information that I came across a lot of the data. And, I’m still learning every day. I’m about to read ‘Reds in America’ written in 1922, and I can’t wait to read it.
What a very kind compliment. I’m accustomed to vicious and ruthless criticism, so, not used to this:).
God bless you, and may he bless your husband and family as well!
@ Trey
The story of Onan happened hundreds of years before the Law was ever even given to Israel; Onan died in Genesis 38, the Law was given in Exodus 20. At the very LEAST, Onan died 430 years before the Old Testament Law’s arrival (Exodus 12:40).
Onan was killed because, #1 he never actually refused to raise up seed to his brother, (like the hypothetical man in Deuteronomy 25:5-10, which when you read it, you realize that death was far from the penalty for not raising up seed to one’s brother according to the law), #2 for messing with the tribe of Judah, (Which is the tribe that Christ came from), and #3 because he spilled his seed. “And the thing which he did displeased the LORD” (Genesis 38:10 KJB).
@KAK
Is the giving and withholding of children man’s place or God’s place according to scripture?
Trey, the Bible does not say that things like masturbation or pornography are sins. It does not say that and it really does not have to explicitly say so to be obvious that these are sins.
And yes, Onan was punished for spilling his seed, not for ‘violating the covenant’. That itself was the problem. Don’t try to play the game by drawing that false distinction between the two. There is no such distinction.
But of course, church history does not matter to you. Do not tell me you care about church history because you most certainly do not, if you think contraception is not sin. This idea that contraception is no longer a sin within the Church emerged in the 20th century.
Interestingly, it is always these married protestant men who think that contraception is not sin, lust-driven marriages are not wrong, but that drinking alcohol is sin.
No one said that it was wrong for sex to be a pleasure and very obvious not every sexual act can lead to pregnancy. But that doesn’t change the fact that procreation is the main purpose of sex and that birth control goes against that purpose.
Mara – We don’t believe the Bible answers your question directly at all. This is something you would need to pray about and follow the directions God lays upon your heart – because He WILL do so. If you choose to always be open to more children no matter what, that is between you, your husband and God. If you know in your heart that your family is complete, earnest prayer will give you the answer you need. I am absolutely at peace with my choice, my family, and my relationship with my Lord.
M
That verse has absolutely nothing to do with having children. It has to do with using whatever you have and knowing that God reaps where he sows not and gathers where he has not strawed. In other words, you have to do very little to take the gifts of the spirit given you and multiply them. You know, the song goes, ‘this little light of mine, I’m going to let it shine.’
@KAK
I take it that our conversation from here on out is only going to go in circles, so for that reason I’m gonna respectfully end it here. I appreciate that you decided to talk with me, and that God gave us a do-over from the last time we talked. There is nothing I want more for you and your family than the best ?.
(Sorry that this isn’t in order of your last response on the 17th, for whatever reason I couldn’t respond there)