No One Ever Told Her to Marry and Bear Children

No One Ever Told Her to Marry and Bear Children

Young women are made to believe they can have everything they want but almost always, they find out the hard way that they can’t. On the Dennis Prager show last Friday, a young man called in and related a story about this issue. He was out on a business lunch and a woman in her forties sat next to him. She was a very successful business woman. Somehow the topic of marriage and motherhood came up and she sadly said, “I missed out on being a wife and mother.” The young man asked her, “Why didn’t you get married when you were young?” She answered, “No one ever told me.”

Dennis immediately replied, “NO ONE tells young women to get married! NO ONE!” (I was driving down to the airport by myself and I was raising my hand and exclaiming to the radio, “I do! I do!”) Then Dennis added, “If anyone does teach young women to marry, they are accused of patriarchy.” Young women who don’t read my blog or maybe a few others blogs, and have never read the following verse commanded by God, will never hear anyone telling them to marry and bear children. “I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully” (1 Timothy 5:14).

Most churches aren’t teaching this, although, I remember listening to a sermon John MacArthur gave years ago and he sure was telling the young people in his congregation to get married but I think it’s a rare pastor who will teach this these days. “Oh, that verse (1 Timothy 5:14) doesn’t mean what it says…” they will say and try to make us believe that it isn’t relevant for young women today.

No, most young women are taught to seek higher education, get a career, travel, and just have fun. God commands young women to marry, bear children, and guide the home but few are willing to speak these words aloud. I love seeing young women on Facebook using their platform to teach women about biblical womanhood. They get mocked and ridiculed by the many feminists in their midst but they don’t care. They know they are spreading God’s truth and His ways are good, and acceptable, and perfect (Romans 12:2).

I know there are some young women who are reading this post who are in their late twenties or maybe even thirties. They would love to get married but no godly man has asked them to marry. What about them? My encouragement to them is to wait upon the Lord. I would have loved for all of my children to be married by their early twenties like Ken and me, but it didn’t happen. Two of them were 24 and the other two were 27 when they got married. It was all in God’s perfect timing BUT those single women must make themselves available where godly men can find them. Go to big churches in their area. If friends or family want to set them up with someone they think would be perfect for them, GO! Even if it has failed many times before. This may be the one!

The most important thing, however, is to learn to be content while being single. Paul had to learn contentment in a prison. You need to learn to be content while single just as married women who can’t have children need to learn to be content and mothers who are busy doing the same thing day after day with little children need to learn contentment. Older women like me with no children in the home and who can get lonely, we even need to learn contentment. You will be much more attractive to a godly man if you are cheerful and content!

I will continue to teach young women to get married! It seems to be a dying institution in our culture. My parent’s generation all got married in their early twenties and immediately began having children. Many in my generation got married in their early to mid-twenties and began having babies shortly after marriage. This generation is not doing either of these! I know many children my children’s ages who are not married or if they are, they aren’t haven’t children. NO ONE is teaching them.

I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.
1 Timothy 5:14

30 thoughts on “No One Ever Told Her to Marry and Bear Children

  1. Indeed! Radical feminism denigrates motherhood and marriage to turn out bitter resentful women who hate men and regret not having families in their older years! I do like though you made the caveat that one should wait for a worthy husband. Marriage is for life, and should not be rushed into in haste or else you can get a lifetime of misery and Mr. Wrong! Also, one should wait until they have the emotional maturity to marry, that is, not when they’re out being a naive young woman who embraces feminism and only goes after thrills! You have to be ready to raise children and put yourself last before the needs of your family. So many mothers have the just “all about ME” mentality and raise the next generation of selfish entitled people who create broken homes and neglected children and families. My parents married in their 30’s and have now been married 30 years going strong! True love waits and is worth it! 🙂

    1. Yes, I was always, always on the hunt for a good man and nothing worked out. To be honest, the men weren’t interested in me. I was asked out two times from age 18-30…one man was a good man but we were not a match…and the second found out I was conservative and recoiled from my politics (although we are still friends and he congratulated me on my wedding…and then shortly thereafter he proposed to his gf! Peer pressure 🙂 🙂 So good things can rub off on people!)

      So then four years ago I read a post on Dalrock, and a comment on one of his posts said to do online dating and talk to Every Single Man who talks to you. Evidently the writer of the comment knew a 33 year old woman who did that and 6 months later she was married.

      I also saw a tv program where a panel of 4 men told the woman who couldn’t get a date to ‘Geographically Move.’

      So I followed that advice, but I did have to put myself on geographic location far, far, far, far, far, far away from California (and have the money saved up to get there and live there for a time!) There are no men in California (I think there are Lori’s sons and that’s it!)

      That being said, once me and my husband met we were inseparable and that was that!

      Looking back, I do find it strange that I was surrounded by men in college and was never asked out.

      And no…I don’t think it was me.

      A quick internet stalking of some of the guys I liked in College reveal most grew up to be a bit liberal if not crazily so (even the Christians!…It’s California!)

      So….yeah….if you are from a Big City and cannot find a mate…You just have to move and go through the numbers VERY quickly.

      I think a lot of women who have daughters looking for husbands need to get there daughters to Where the Men Are. So instead of a college fund…start a Man-Searching fund…You will need it!

      The real question is…how do you get your Daughter to be around College Educated Men without going to College?

      I would send my daughter to college and tell her to major in Basket Weaving but to spend the entire time looking for a man. But that’s risky…the men will then expect her to have a career in basket-weaving or she’ll get brainwashed.

      This is the big conundrum!!!

      1. Back when I was in college, I admitted I was there for only one reason – for an MRS. degree! I had NO desire for a career. It’s ironic that you mention CA boys. Yes, my sons are great and we are so blessed by them but both of my daughters married men from out of CA! CA is getting worse by the year, sadly, but there are some great men in it still. There will always be a remnant.

        1. Christian colleges do have real degrees that can be beneficial for life skills as well as be helpful for meeting men on campus. For example, teaching, nursing, cosmetology, business (to help run a family business one day!), etc. College can have a dual purpose. I know many young men go to college first and foremost to prepare for a career but also to meet young women outside of their home church. I guess it depends on your daughter (do they like school/learning in a classroom setting or not).

          1. The very bad part of most college educations is the expense of them, Kate. When I went to college, it was cheap! My roommate paid for her tuition and room/board by being a waitress in the summers. There’s NO way any women can do this these days but instead, they rack up a ton of debt that keeps them from being able to stay home when and if they do have children. It keeps them on the treadmill of a career for many, many years. This is something they must consider.

    1. You’re probably right, Regina, BUT I think underneath all of the pretense of accepting the ways of feminism, there’s a deep discontent among women with trying to have it all. I believe those women who truly love the Lord are hungry to learn about biblical womanhood.

  2. I grew up in church and don’t recall I Timothy 5:14 ever being preached at all. The first time I did hear it in a sermon, I was a young adult. The pastor was preaching through the entire book of I Timothy, so he had to teach it. It hurt some feelings and ruffled some feathers, but that’s what conviction does, for the purpose of turning us to God’s ways. Better to have temporarily hurt feelings than to persist in living a feminist lifestyle.

  3. Amen, amen. I am 37, and SO MANY of my high school classmates are unmarried and childless, even at our late age. It’s so sad. Marriage and child-rearing were NEVER discussed in school, nor was the option, for women, of being homemakers. It was just “What college did you get into?” and “What career are you planning on?” Anything else was tacitly forbidden. And now we are seeing the fruits of that brainwashing.

    Keep doing what you’re doing!

  4. Oh my! Yes! Just last night my oldest daughter and I were at a small bridal shower that the ladies that she worked with at a church had thrown for her. She is getting married this Saturday (tattoo-less, debt free, and a virgin, I am proud to add!), and FOUR of the women who were there told her NOT to have children right away. They said to wait at least 5 years. One of them young ladies giving her this advice is younger than my daughter and is single, never been married.

    It was difficult for me to hold my tongue, but on the way home we talked about it and she said that when people say those things to her she just listens but she and her soon to be husband know what God’s word says about children and don’t plan to prevent pregnancy. She is the oldest of ten (soon to be eleven), and he comes from a family with six children. So they both know and understand and believe what God says about the blessing of children. I did Point our to my daughter that these people who says these things don’t even realize what they are really, essentially saying to her—-“your parents would have been better off had you not been around when they were newly married.” Obviously, if I pointed that out to the ones saying it, they would be horrified at the implication, but how else could the oldest child of a large family that started young take such statements?

    It’s really sad to see how such worldly thinking has permeated the church.

    1. It is VERY sad, Jessica! Children are no longer wanted in this culture and they are God’s gifts and blessings to us! Our DIL just had her fourth baby yesterday and I was just asking my son if watching the fourth baby be born is any different than the first, and he said, “Not at all! It’s always a miracle!” Their first baby was a honeymoon baby and I was thrilled. She’s now 7 years old and a blessing to all of us. I sure wish people hadn’t told us to “wait” to have children. THIS sure isn’t in God’s word.

      You’re blessed to have a daughter like you have!

  5. I am so thankful I found your blog Lori. I grew up in the 80’s and 90’s when being an independent woman is what was taught. As far as youth group and church, all I remember was “no sex before marriage” and the “you are fearfully and wonderfully made.” verse drilled in our heads. Now these are good teachings, however it was never taught the value and God’s will for us to be homemakers and mothers. I’m now in my early 40’s and have regrets. I prayed and asked forgiveness and also for God to restore to my children what the lost because of their father and myself’s decisions. Today my oldest is 19. I will teach my kids the true ways of God!

    1. It’s taught in very few churches today, Ashley. It’s too “controversial” and offends too many women to teach them to marry, bear children, and guide the home. It shows the state that the Church is in today if we can’t even teach young women what we are commanded to teach them.

  6. Lori, even with women careers need to hear the message to “never give up” on the dates and to put themselves out there. I know many single women who are happily working at their jobs and are happy they went to college. Yet ultimately they all desire to get married and have children and scale back or give up their career for their children. However, many of these same women have gotten discouraged by the lack of “marriage material” ie. Godly men and have given up going on dates since every one turns out to be rude, a “false” Christian, or unambitious (doesn’t want to support a family). What would you say to them to keep them encouraged to keep attending these dates and “putting themselves out there”?

    1. I would, Kate. Keep praying and seeking the Lord for wisdom but in the meantime, learn contentment where they are since this is God’s will for their lives. Marriage seems to becoming extinct and it is Christians who are going to hopefully continue on the narrow path the Lord has given to us.

    2. I’d tell a young woman such as that to go on lots of mission trips. Perhaps she can find a Christian husband in another country.

  7. Lori – LOVE YOU MY VT2!!!
    Yes, we too agree! Truly, my husband and I are thankful for the platform God has given you! We spoke in detail just last night about this same topic. He said it goes to the older men who should be teaching the younger men as well! And to Mr. McArthur’s sermon whom we have gleaned much from this area; is almost altogether void in the church today! We actually have addressed to him some Q&A on this topic and hope to get some feedback from him/staff soon…. We have yet to ever hear a sermon preached from the pulpit on this topic as well. How God must be grieving…. Thankful for His clear instruction through His Word! Hearts need to be broken and humbled in this area greatly, so much destruction we are reaping because of it…Some days I am walking a lonely path of motherhood. Much ridicule from my own spiritually dead family, strangers and sadly from the church body as well. We are lovingly and boldly taking this to the Lord in prayer and pressing on and fighting the good fight of faith! God is sharpening and strengthening me through your writings! You are loved and treasured from a far!!!

    1. Thank you, Kim! Yesterday, I had three of my grandchildren (still do!) because their mother just birthed her fourth baby. We took them to church and as we were sitting in the courtyard, a kind, older woman came up to me and I told her about my DIL and she was as happy as can be. She exclaimed to me, “She has such beautiful children and I love seeing her desire to have children these days since it’s so rare. I hope she plans on having many more!” THIS is SO rare to hear from anyone in the churches these days. Her words blessed me so much!

      1. Praise be to God, for your new grandchild! Thank you also for sharing the words of encouragement from this lady! The Lord’s richest blessings to you and your family!

  8. I never thought about it, but I don’t think I was ever told anything about marrying and having kids. And that was with a mom who went to work and hated every minute of it. The only comment even close was my aunt once telling me that if my future husband wanted me to be a housewife and I wanted to, to jump at it.

    I always wanted to get married and have about 5 kids, but I really had no clue how to go about it. I have to agree with the earlier poster about finding a husband in Cali….it’s tough. Even the guys I knew that would grow into quality husbands had no intention of settling down until at least 30-35. My husband and I were two of the first to get married in our group at 31 & 34. I’d say 30 was about average.

    My parents only talked about a college education. Despite a student population of 15k plus and that I was a social butterfly, I can look back and see MAYBE 3 guys my age that might have been marriage material before 25. And I was way too stupid to know something good when I saw it. I’m looking back with a 56 yr. old’s judgement.

    If the churches aren’t talking about it, I sure hope parents, aunts, uncles, etc. are. I met my wonderful husband at a church retreat in the mountains about SoCal. We got engaged there and spent our honeymoon there.

  9. This tragic situation flows from the mis-education of girls from a young age, the wrongful promotion of work outside the home instead of motherhood and the dreadful culture of contraception and abortion which denies the fact that God made us to be mothers and to welcome new life not prevent or destroy it.

  10. Great column. Too many girls are taught to get an education and a career, and too few are taught to keep a home, love a husband, to be a wife, and to have and love children.

    Money is exalted over life, and that is a death culture.

    200 million American babies have been slaughtered by contraception and abortion since 1965. Contrast that with the 2 million Americans soldiers that have been killed in all our wars combined, from the Revolutionary War onwards. So, we have killed 100 times more Americans than all our enemies. How is it that we value the lives of babies so lightly? If we don’t value American lives, then how is it that we don’t deserve to be destroyed by our enemies?

    God sees, and he will judge.

    A nation addicted to pleasure that hates duty and responsibility, will soon be brought to destruction by the Mighty hand of God.

  11. Despite some glossy words, there is not an air in the church about the real covenant of marriage, about the purpose for marriage for women. The air seems more about ‘education’ [even in the Word] “…ever learning and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.” What is merchandise is effectively to “…Gain the world and lose the soul”

    Thank you, Lori, for pressing on in teaching women to marry and submit to her husband in everything.

    I suggest that if the two steps of Titus 2:3-5 was reasonably lived out by the church, there would be a revival like never seen …a knowing of Christ the Word and of the character of His Father that would bring incredible release and peace to His people.

  12. I wish I had been this wise as a young married woman. Seven years passed between our marriage and the birth of our firstborn. There was always a reason to wait for a better time. We needed to pay off my husband’s student loans, we needed to save to buy a house, we were having so much fun living on two incomes and the “party” would stop if I became a homemaker wife caring for young children at home. Very stupid in hindsight. When I finally got pregnant while on birth control and we had our first child, my husband was rather upset with the sudden change in our financial circumstances and our lifestyle once our baby was born. We were long past the honeymoon stage of romantic love and excitement by then and it was a rocky start on parenting. I watch young couples who marry and excitedly announce their baby news just a few months after the honeymoon and realize that an early start to parenthood while both are still starry eyed with love definitely has its advantages.

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