What About Barren and Single Women?

What About Barren and Single Women?

Written by Nancy Campbell at Above Rubies

A reader once asked me, “If motherhood is the highest calling of women, what about women who are single or married women who are barren?” This is a very valid question.

When we give birth to a baby and gradually add to our family we are propelled into the realm of motherhood. However, this is not the beginning of motherhood. Every female is ordained at birth to be a mother. Little girls love mothering from the earliest age. Did you know that a baby girl has approximately two million eggs in her ovaries when she is born?

Every woman is created to be a mother, whether she has many children, is barren, or single. God put within every female an innate desire and anointing to nurture. Even those who spurn motherhood, because of the brainwashing of our humanist society, can’t get away from it. If they don’t want to nurture babies, they will nurture a pet. They have to have something on which to pour out their God-given mothering instinct.

Some of the greatest mothers who have lived were not married women and never gave birth to children. Of course, we immediately think of Mother Theresa, who although a single woman, poured out her life in sacrificial love to the poor and the needy. In doing so, she was a great mother and a totally fulfilled woman. A single woman or a woman who is not able to conceive is still a mother.

There is a drought of mothering in our needy and hurting society today. Mothers are the greatest need in society, whether married or single. There are hurting children, disturbed young people, and lonely and needy elderly who are all desperate for the loving touch of an anointed and nurturing woman, whether married or single.

Single women should ask God in what direction He wants them to pour out His loving nurture He has innately put within them. God will lead them to many broken and messed up lives. Often the barren woman ends up with more children than the married. Isaiah 54:1: “Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the Lord.”

The most important thing is for each one of us, married and single, to generously embrace the lifestyle of mothering God intends for us. Mothers with children, embrace your wonderful high calling of motherhood. Don’t hanker for another lifestyle; you are in the perfect will of God.

Single women or precious mothers who cannot conceive at this time, embrace the mothering anointing that God has given you and open your heart to mother all whom God brings into your life. There are so many waiting for you.

Love from Nancy Campbell

26 thoughts on “What About Barren and Single Women?

  1. Good points! Spiritual motherhood is just as needed in today’s fallen society! That’s why I think women can take part in helping charities, social programs etc… to promote traditional womanhood and societal values that are now being destroyed by feminism and radical liberalism. The “I can do anything I want consequence free” culture must be fought against! As women traditionally are the main keepers for mortality and virtue in society and in her family, she can extend that feminine duty to society at large by being an advocate for virtue in a society trying to undermine it. We need traditional women out in society to advocate for their virtues and hopefully show women on the fence they’re not alone, and there’s more than just the radical feminist take on womanhood.

    To your other point, I was adopted and my own mother could never conceive her own biological children. However, she is just as much a mother as anyone who gave birth physically! She loved me, nurtured me, raised me as her #1 priority as all mothers ought to do. She worked, but her greatest calling was her motherhood, and she dreamed of being a mother since she too was a very young girl. A TRUE mother is not about who can just conceive and pop out children they can’t care for and don’t want and resent. Anyone who can fit part A with part B can get knocked up! A REAL mother nurtures, protects, loves and raises a child as her #1 priority regardless of biological origin…. To be anything less to the children you conceived is no mother, just a skank who got pregnant…

  2. Oh, Lori, I think Nancy Campbell had the Lord anointing her when she wrote this article! It is incredibly encouraging to be reminded that, “He maketh the barren woman… to be a joyful mother of children”(Psalm:113:9).
    THANK YOU for posting this today on behalf of all women.

      1. Hi Lori,

        I thought this piece was great. But what are your thoughts on single women working? Of course the ideal in a oerfect world is to be home, but when thats not an option…what do we do? Are we in sin for having jobs outside the home? I’ve been reading through your site and can’t find a clear answer on this.

        Thanks!

        1. No, it’s not a sin for single young women to work outside of the home. Just make sure that when you get married and have children that you are able to be home full time with the children, such as, don’t acquire a ton of debt. This is a heavy burden on way too many women these days.

        2. I agree with Lori about not acquiring *a ton* of debt. My husband and I do have two boys and because of debt I worked (as a full time teacher 40-50 hour weeks). At the time, I didn’t realize the debt was what was keeping me from home, but after taking the “Financial Peace University” course by Dave Ramsey, we were able to pay off all of our debt (except our home) within 6 months and I am now officially home full time. Debt, I think, is the leading cause (nowadays) for women working and not staying home, but unfortunately many women don’t know this. They think it is where they are supposed to be and their husbands like the extra income (because of all the acquired debt). It has been a liberating experience to be home with my two boys. We are even discussing homeschooling options.

          Lori, thank you for all your wisdom. I have learned a lot from you. Would you be able to guide me, or discuss nurturing more. Unfortunately, I was not raised in a Christian home and my mother worked full time. For me, nurturing is tough because I wasn’t nurtured in the same way you speak about. I do think it is partly a learned behavior past down from older women. I think you spoke about this is another recent post. Could you teach me more about what nurturing looks like and when staying at home how do I combat playtime all day in our culture that caters to the child over the parents. I often have guilt that I don’t play play play, but I can’t considering all the work at the house- it is like a full time job (which I love so much more than my former position)!

          Thanks again

          1. Hi Kristyn,

            You don’t need to play with your children a lot. Them then use their own imaginations and creativity instead! I did and my children were always making up plays or finding fun, creative things to do.

            In order to nurture, try to be as affectionate with your children as possible. Cuddle with the little ones a lot and hug and kiss the older ones. They need a lot of affection and encourgement from mom and dad. The “nurture” in the Bible means to educate and to bring or train up. So read the Bible consistently to them. Pray with them. Speak to them and teach them often. All the lies they will be hearing from culture needs to be offset with biblical truth. Hide God’s Word in their hearts so they won’t sin against Him!

  3. Thank you, Nancy, for this. My husband and I recently celebrated our 25th Anniversary and sadly do not have children (NOT by our choice). We did foster care for a bit but that was too heartbreaking when the baby was moved to another home (the foster care program is broken here in Maine!). We are “Auntie & Uncle” to MANY – only a few biological, but that is what our friends children call us. But I still have yearned for my own. And to have early menopause at 36 sealed my fate (yet I know with God all things are possible). This article just really hit home and I appreciate it – and appreciate YOU – so much. God bless!

    1. Bless you and your husband for fostering. There are sadly so many children in this program that will undergo abuse in ways no child should ever have to. Good foster homes are scarce

  4. Thank you for this-shared with a friend who is unable to bear children due to illness at an early age. This brought her peace as the concept of motherhood is often seen as having one’s own children. She’s been hurt and upset having had to explain to strangers in church (many assumed she and her husband were using contraception-so sad, and also unnerving to discuss one’s personal reproductive health issues.) This was refreshing for her to read.

  5. I desperately needed to read this today. We have dealt with infertility our entire marriage, all 12 years, and have had 5 losses, however Jesus saw fit to let us have our amazing daughter with us on earth! I so longed for a large family. I have many people questioning the “wisdom” of my staying at home and homeschooling an only child and my answer is always the same…if this is what Jesus called for me to do, it doesn’t matter if I have 1 or 15…I obey joyfully.

    1. We also have 1 precious daughter and I homeschool, despite that she is an only child I still see it as good and necessary!

  6. as someone or whom it would not be safe for to have children (i have PCOS anyway so may not be able to get pregnant anyways on top of being mobility impaired and other neurological issues including movementt disorder (dystonia) and i have no real desire to procreate, this post is a blessing to me. it makes me relaise i can have spiritual children- “new” Christians i can mentor and teach in the faith, i can teach Sunday School or sponsor an orphan with an organisation like Compassion or Plan. this makes me feel so good about myself now and gives me hope that i am not just a worthless mistake in God’s eyes

  7. I am so thankful for this post. I was browsing TTW page on Facebook and was so pleased to see it. I chose not to have children but I no longer feel guilty about it or useless after reading this. Blessings! 🙂

  8. Catholic Mother Teresa isn’t a good role model. 😢 Here’s what a newspaper report said:

    In regard to Bojaxhiu being honored by the Vatican, Gendron said that the selection is wrongful as she did not believe in evangelizing those of other religions, but rather had a Universalist mindset.

    “[H]er theology embraced a works-righteousness salvation and she saw no need to evangelize. She encouraged Hindus, Muslims and Buddhists to be better Hindus, Muslims and Buddhists,” he said. “She never pointed people to Christ as the only savior, mediator and redeemer. Instead she taught a bizarre ‘pseudo-pantheism’ in which she believed Jesus was present in everyone.”

    1. I wouldn’t throw the baby out with the bath water. She did many good works and brought people to faith possibly by her kind and loving actions. Too often in many churches, people will talk the talk but never walk the walk. Just ask yourself how many in your congregation have done the amount of work and sacrifice she has. I certainly haven’t!

  9. Because of house moves I was in two churches with the same problem. In both churches some of the single women, late 20’s early 30’s said there was a shortage of single Christian men. It wasn’t true. I researched it. In both churches in the given age groups the single men outnumbered the single women. What was true, was that these single women were expecting too much. For example, leadership qualities, holly wood movies seemed to influence them. Unrealistic expectations caused them to be without a husband which in turn caused them to end up without children. It caused division between married women and single women, in older age groups. I hate to say this, but it’s true, out of all the Christian unmarried women I’ve known, with or without children, they have grown old without husbands and some without children, saying, God didn’t send them a husband, when the truth is they would not get to know the single men that were interested in them. Instant love is for teenagers because of all the hormones but otherwise love is something that grows with time and is always a choice. If you are craving marriage and children, next time a Christian man wants to spend time with you, say yes. Even if you don’t marry him perhaps he has a friend or relative that you will end up married to.

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