Privileged to Serve Your Man

Privileged to Serve Your Man

One woman’s husband works a lot and is away from home. They have many children, a big garden, and a big home. She struggles with her marriage and disciplining and training her children. She is unhappy with her lot in life. Happy Homemaker had some very wise counsel for her.

Stop with all the negative thinking and grow a backbone with those kids. Remember, you fell in love with the man for a reason, so think back to that if you have to. Also, THINK and I do mean sit down and TRULY think of all he does for you. I am just basing my words on your post, but you said he works twelve hour shifts and you stay home.

Now, I am a housewife and I know it’s not a piece of cake, but it truly is MUCH less work and stressful than what your husband does. Really think about that, and I don’t see how you can not appreciate him. Those children can learn chores and help you around the house. Even a toddler can be taught to pick up their dirty clothes and toys and much more if you teach them.

If you haven’t read Lori’s book (The Transformed Wife) or Debi Pearl’s (Created to be a Help Meet) then I highly, and I mean highly recommend getting a copy. Created changed my life and marriage, and it was exactly what I needed because I needed a good kick in the rear and to be told I was wrong. If you’ve already read both books, re-read them. Find encouraging Bible verses and memorize them. I will give you my favorite one (and I had to memorize it when I was letting my negative thoughts and feelings let me become depressed because I would only dwell on the ugly in life and not all the many wonderful positives that the Lord had blessed me with.)

Thou wilt keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee: because he trusteth in thee.
Isaiah 26:3

If you don’t get rid of those nasty thoughts, they will turn into more negative thoughts and it will eventually be all you think. Don’t let that happen. So, right now stop thinking anything negative, if you have a negative thought, replace it with something positive. My favorite example: if there are dirty socks on the floor, when you start thinking how ungrateful he is to have left them, remind yourself that there is always someone out there that would LOVE to pick up her husband’s dirty socks (widows, unmarried ladies) and that it is a privilege to get to serve your man. And it truly is a privilege; I honestly believe that now.

Another thing I have learned the hard way is that not only is love an action word, but so is JOY, you can choose to be joyful. Yes, it is really hard at first and seems impossible (trust me, I’ve been there) but the more you choose to be joyful, the easier it becomes next time.

I don’t normally like to share my prayers, as prayers are a personal conversation with God, but maybe it will help you. When I pray, I ask God to help me make our home a joyful and peaceful place for my husband and I also ask Him to help me to not nag and complain, but to be joyful and glad. I also ask God to help me to obey and submit to my husband JOYFULLY and to help me to honor and reverence my husband in all things.

You see, I don’t want to JUST submit to my husband, I want to do it joyfully. As far as desire for intimacy goes, maybe you don’t feel desire because deep down you know something isn’t right and that you need to change? For me, nothing stirs up that desire more than knowing God created me for my man — I am his and I was created to serve him, there is nothing better than knowing this.

Now, as far as kids go, I haven’t read To Train up a Child by the Pearls, but I hear a lot of good things about it. Yes, this too will be hard, but worth it. If you get those kids under control and behaving better, that too will help with your relationship with your husband (or at least from people I have spoken to, that’s the case).

Above all else, pray that God change your attitude and mindset. That He helps you get your joy back!

As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.
1 Peter 4:10

19 thoughts on “Privileged to Serve Your Man

  1. I love this post! Especially the joyful submission part! I started submitting before I started joyfully submitting, and it does make a huge difference. But I had to change my mindset to really make progress in joyfully submitting, by “taking every thought captive” and renewing mind in the word of God. It’s an on going process for me, and so worth it! One thing I found is I have to be very careful of friendships, I now chose women who don’t complain about their husbands, which has been an important part of my walk in trying to be a Godly wife to my husband.

    1. Hi Robin, I agree with you about the friendships thing. I try to limit my time around women that constantly complain about their husband, and just complain allot in general. I have found that I tend to get the “poor me” attitude if I am around them too much.

  2. Thanks Lori,
    Its so easy to lose perspective sometimes isnt it? But God is faithful and able to help and sustain us. Wonderful words of encouragement.

  3. I’m not sure that it’s wise or accurate to say that the husband has the harder, more stressful work. For sure if the wife went and did the husband’s work it would be harder and more stressful, but if the husband came home and did the wife’s work that would be harder and more stressful for him to. Bottom line, we were not created to do the same work, and comparing the work we do is like comparing apples and oranges. One is not harder than the other because you really can’t compare them.
    I don’t know what the woman said that Happy Homemaker was replying to here, but it sounds like she does not embrace the biblical differences in the work God gave to her and her husband.

    1. Hi Grace, yes I know we were created different and I love my role as a woman. However, I do believe my husband has the harder job– his job is very physically demanding and he has to deal with difficult people quite often. He also has the added stress of providing for our family. Yes, being a housewife and mom CAN be stressful and difficult and tiring, but at the end if the day, I got to spend my day taking care of my family, I had no boss to answer to and I did not have to worry about if I couldn’t work, my family may not eat. Maybe it’s just me, but I will take being a woman any day. God’s design is perfect and each of us were designed with roles to fill and both jobs are important, but I still stand by saying my husband’s job is harder than mine ever was.

      1. Hi HappyHomemaker! Thank you for your extra thoughts. I’m a stay at home mom and while it has challenging moments of course, it’s really not all that hard for me, because that’s one of the things God created me for. I was just pointing out that if my husband tried to do my job, he would find it incredibly hard. Just like if I tried his job, it would be incredibly hard for me. I still think you can’t really compare them because we were created differently to do our different jobs. But you and I can disagree a bit, that’s fine. 😊 Mostly we are probably on the same page.

    2. My husband’s work is certainly not physically harder than mine (I work in a physical job and he doesn’t) and as we own a business together I help him in this.
      BUT he has the stress of providing financially for the family, ensuring the bills are all paid etc. I get so stressed out handling money that even my wages, he takes care of. We have a joint bank account, but he manages it. Juggling everything falls entirely to him. And when I have less hours some weeks in my jobs and therefore less pay, my husband somehow has to make up the shortfall to ensure we are all fed. As well, he has the ultimate control of our business, making all the executive decisions.
      So while his job is not physically harder than mine (he’s got a serious back injury so he simply can’t do physical work anymore) he’s got that ultimate responsibility for the family, and all the stress associated with that.

  4. I must say I feel for this woman. I’ve been near that point a few times, with the exception that I’ve usually cried on my husband’s shoulder about it. 🙂 Life with a big family (or any sized family) can be rough and hard at times, no matter how rewarding it is!
    We will have six kids very soon, and our oldest is seven. So the days can seem long sometimes. Our kids do usually listen quite well, and they all have a two-hour quiet/nap time in the afternoon which helps, but I can still get tired and weary.
    I hope this isn’t going off-topic too much, but I just wanted to mention how important it is to prioritize, as we mothers/wives can easily try to do more than one person can do. For me, prioritizing comes down to four words – family, homeschooling, cooking, cleaning. And I’ve come to accept that at this point in life, those are the most important things for me to be doing, and that anything else will have to go… As much as I’d love to have a huge garden, do canning, help with more things at church, and so many other GREAT things, if I try to do them all, the most important/basic things are going to suffer.

    1. I absolutely agree ContentWife! I live very similarly to you and I’ve been there myself. About to have our seventh and our oldest is nine. It’s very hard. After number six, I came to realize the same thing- other than what you mentioned above, pretty much everything else had to go! And my husband and I had to become much more intentional about spending time together. We didn’t really realize it for a long time, but with all the constant demands pushing in from all sides, we had lost our closeness as our relationship was always the easiest one to “take the hit.” I didn’t fall into any disobedience or anything, but I eventually found myself just so empty. Everything seemed a lot harder because I felt like I just had nothing left to give anyone (I was also very sleep deprived with a difficult newborn.) The distance kinda slowly grew as our family did if that makes sense? Once we realized what had happened, we set up a plan and some boundaries to make sure we had this time to connect regularly. What a difference this made! When I feel loved and united with my husband (who is also my best friend) I feel like I could take on anything. But when we neglect our marriage, the little things start to feel like mountains.
      I’m trusting in the Lord that someday we will look back on this season and be so thankful that He carried us through it to glory. It is worth it. He is worth it!

      1. Oh, how nice to meet someone else in the same boat! So true what you said about making sure our marriages come first. After all, our husbands were the ones who claimed us first, before the kids even came along, right? 😉
        All the best to you and your family as you welcome this next little one!

  5. I remember the original comment and also Happy Homemakers reply to her. HH is very wise. I occasionally find myself thinking back to that woman, who sounded so desperate in her comment, and hoping that she is doing okay.

    The timing of this could not be more perfect, I desperately needed to read it today. I’m in an entirely different situation than the woman in this post, but this advice applies to me, too. I love it! I want to JOYFULLY serve my husband.

  6. Hello ladies,
    Im doing fine. Im not sure id say im unhappy with my lot in life. I just dont know what to do with it. 😂 Trying to juggle large amounts of work by yourself is very difficult. But it is what it is. My hussband drives a lot for work. I think the hardest part for him is early starts and late finishes. I couldnt do that myself. Im blessed that i can go to bed early if i wish.
    My house is a mess. Ive always stuggled with it. And the kids seem to pull it apart faster than i can clean it. Im hoping to impliment the flylady system to make things easier. My husband hates it. As previous attempts at the system have failed and he wants the house clean NOW. So its easy to get discouraged. He means well. And in a sense i feel the same way. But it didnt happen in a night and it wont be fixed in a night.
    I did email you happy homemaker. But i got no response. I figured either you were horrified or just busy. So i let it slide. Thankyou Lori for the post. It was nice to read it again.
    Blessings,
    Mrs M

    1. I never received an email Mrs. M. I’m sorry, you must have thought I was awful. Did you get my email address from Lori? I would welcome another email, I am just not sure how to get you my email address, as I don’t want to put it out on the internet. Give me a bit to think on it and see if I can find a way.

    2. Mrs. M. I have been listening to Flylady Kat on Youtube. She has “simplified” the Flylady system for me and I love listening to her.

  7. This is a wonderful post, and so very true – we can ask God to help us be joyful in our work! I was in a rut for a while with a lot of negative thoughts, I prayed to God for this or that, but not for joy – one day I desperately prayed for that, and the next thing I knew the internal fog had lifted and I was able to go about my housework and being a mother and wife very cheerfully – and boy was all that work so easy when you have a positive mindset! I was just breezing through it! This post was such a great reminder to stay focused on Jesus and in the joy it is to serve Him by serving others. Amen, and thank you, Lori, for sharing it! 🙂

    1. One more thing I wanted to add – lately I have made conscious efforts to recite anything I can think of from scripture to myself if I start to feel negative, bitter thoughts coming on while serving – and I find the negative thoughts just melt away and I have a renewed strength and resolve. God is so very good and is so willing to pour into us all the graces we need to complete His will, to the point of overflowing!

  8. I agree withe Marie and D ! I have felt like this woman that everything was on me. My husband worked late. Complained no matter what I fixed for supper, let my kids be disrespectful to me, they never had to clean anything 5 kids ages 15 to 4. I was so tired of trying to fix things! I cried out to the Lord to help me! To repair my home, give me the love I needed for the kids and my husband! To please help him to see the need for our children and me. I ask in earnest prayer for his will (the Lords) will in our home and lives! I have to say within a few days I could see his mighty hand upon or hearts and home! Believe, Obey, and Pray!
    Matthew 11:28-30
    28) Come unto me, all yes that labour and are heavy laden, and. I will give you rest.
    29) Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.

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