Rebellious Women Defraud Their Husbands

Rebellious Women Defraud Their Husbands

The defrauding of one’s husband of sexual intimacy had severe consequences back in the day. A wife who deprived her husband was called rebellious, then sent away and was left destitute. As believers in Jesus Christ, we should never take any of God’s commands to us lightly or frivolously; for we are promised that we will reap what we sow.

All of the biblical translations use the word “deprive” in 1 Corinthians 7:5 except the KJV which uses the word “defraud.” Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

The definition of deprive is “to hinder from possessing or enjoying.” The definition of defraud is “to withhold wrongfully from another what is due to him.” Defraud is a much stronger word than deprive and defrauding our husbands of intimacy should be taken very seriously by all those who claim to love the Lord Jesus Christ.

Gill’s Exposition further explains defraud this way: “it is what both have a right to, and therefore, if either party is denied, it is a piece of injustice.”

A similar verse comes just two verses before this one. It is 1 Corinthians 7:3; Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband.

Gill’s Exposition interpretation of this verse: “And, likewise also the wife unto the husband; she is not to refuse the use of the bed when required, unless there is some just impediment, otherwise she comes under the name of a ‘rebellious wife’; concerning whom, and her punishment, the Jews give the following rules: a woman that restrains her husband from the use of the bed, is called rebellious; and when they ask her why she rebels, if she says, because it is loathsome to me, and I cannot lie with him; then they oblige him to put her away directly, without her dowry; and she may not take any thing of her husband’s, not even her shoe strings, nor her hair lace; but what her husband did not give her she may take, and go away: and if she rebels against her husband, on purpose to afflict him, and she does to him so or so, and despises him, they send to her from the sanhedrim, and say to her, know thou, that if thou continuest in thy rebellion, thou shalt not prosper? and after that they publish her in the synagogues and schools four weeks, one after another, and say, such an one has rebelled against her husband; and after the publication, they send and say to her, if thou continuest in thy rebellion, thou wilt lose thy dowry; and they appoint her twelve months, and she has no sustenance from her husband all that time; and she goes out at the end of twelve months without her dowry, and returns everything that is her husband’s.”

The reasons noted in 1 Corinthians 7 for getting married in the first place were to “avoid fornication” (7:2) and for lack of self-control (7:5). The Word also tells us that it is better to marry than to burn. God created sex for marriage and when a husband is deprived and defrauded for any reason other than ill-health or injury, a wife is definitely being rebellious and living in sin which is a dangerous place to be in. Please, heed the scripture’s warning, women, and love your husbands as God commands that you love him.

29 thoughts on “Rebellious Women Defraud Their Husbands

  1. Many believe that divorce is justified by a refusing spouse based on classifying “refusal” as “sexual immorality” (Matthew 5:32; 19:9). It appears to me that “back in the day”, the Jews agreed.

    In civil law still today, in many states and around the world, refusal of a spouse to have sex is not only considered constructive abandonment, but cruel and inhumane treatment and is considered a “fault” ground for divorce.

    Sexual refusal, which is tolerated in the church (even encouraged in some circles) today is another one of the perverted effects of feminism with no punishment of the guilty or justice for the abused. Satan wins again and you are his daughters who practice such heinous behavior.

  2. Paul, it seems to me that separation for the purpose of repairing a marriage is an acceptable option to the Believer, but should not be used if such separation is more damaging to the marriage. This may take some thought as to what I am trying to express here, but God hates divorce, so we do all we can to preclude it, but if a husband or wife has good godly grounds for the use of a separation to try and get the other spouse to stop sinning, and out of rebellion, then I do believe the it is permissible as a consequence or discipline for sin.

    One must be very careful with separation as the other spouse may consider it abandonment unless the spouse is clear that this is only for a time, and not intended to be permanent. Separation is always used for ungodly and sinful purposes, so one must check their heart before using the biggest disciplinary tool available to the Believer, and again, I believe it should always be used to win a spouse back to a reasonable marriage, not to destroy a marriage.

  3. I want to start, as a man I read this to help the women in my life who are under my leadership at any time in my life. It gives me a femal perspective on what the Bible teaches. That being said this subject of “defrauding their husbands” is a very serious and timely lesson. We see statistics of up to 20% of marriages are sexless for one reason or another. This means they have a sexual encounter 10 times a year or less (roughly once every 5-6 weeks, not even once a month). The majority of them are because a wife refuses her husband. (There are a few cases of men refusing their wives but not anywhere near the number of women refusing their husbands.) The refusal may be because of physical, mental, or emotional reasons. There are a few cases of the sexless marriage due to separation planned or unplanned and/or pregnancy. But they follow up with before sexual contact ended and when sex contact resumes how often and the majority went back to their higher rate.

    As a man who has been refused and lived in one of these sexless marriages, I will tell you that the lack of the physical contact does affect all other areas of the marriage relationship. This does lead to men to look at or think of other women in lustful ways. The man is definitely more tempted especially if another women gives him a bit more attention than his wife.

    What can be done – men or women who are being refused? Confront your spouce in love, explaining how what they are doing is hurting your marriage by making it easier for temptation to creep in. Yes I can keep the temptation away, thanks to God. However that temptation is getting bigger and bigger and harder to keep away.

    If the spouse has a physical problem, like my wife, work with them on finding the solution or alternative sexual contacts. Some sort of sexual contact is better than no sexual contact. Think of it as a vaccine against the bad temptations. Like a vaccine against a virus, the vaccine of sex will keep they juices flowing of attraction to the spouse, keep the mind and spirit strong against the temptation, and show the spouce that you do love them.

    Also think of your relationship with God. Do you just read the Bible once in a blue moon and nothing else? No, you will go to church and engage with other believers, you will sing songs of praise, you will pray, and you will read His word daily. Likewise with a marriage the physical, sexual contact, is a part of the total marriage that cannot and should not be ignored.

    If you are a wife and you have problems with meeting your husband’s needs in this area. Go to him and confess that you have a problem. Explain what is going on. Ask permission to seek out medical help if it is a physical problem. Or ask if you can talk to one of the older women in the church if it is an emotional or mental issue. Ask for your husband to come along in some cases or to pray for your healing. (Same advice for men.) Sex is not for just one member of the coulee but is for the uniting and joy of both the husband and the wife.

    Side note, the biggest group hit with this sin in their marriage is pastors. Many of them are living in these sexless marriages. Thus the temptation is stronger when a women in the church does show more attention and the pastor does fall into the trap of audultry, physical or emotional.

  4. Your vaccine illustration reminds me of something Michael Pearl said years ago when we heard him teaching through Hebrews. He said consistent sex for a man is like medicine and he needs that pill frequently! 🙂

  5. I had not heard much from the Pearls. But it shows that sometimes great thoughts or concepts can be popped in a head by God for furthering His message to others.

    By the way the subjects this week have been good. I can state that having a wife willing to follow and really listen to her husband is so much better. My wife has been slowly changing and coming back to the way she was when we were first married. Recently I mentioned that I really liked her in skirts and dresses on the day that we are not working on things in and around the house that would require her to have jeans or capris. I have nothing against them but when we are going out or just walking around town (not power walking but romantic time together) I would perfer her wearing skirts or dresses. She is and recently when to the local thrift store on a half price day to get more casual skirts for such things. All of her skirts were too business like, good for church and meetings but not for every occasion.

    LIkewise after confronting my wife about our sex life, my wife admitted to suffering with medical problems for 12 or so years with frequent UTIs and other issues due to the onset of menopause. We were having sexual encounters of maybe once every 4 months. I demanded she go see a doctor and if need be I will go with her. She did see the doctor and they have worked out a game plan to help her. But in past year since I confronted her, she has started serving me in the bedroom at least once a week with an agreed mutual time off due to vacation or illness of either one of us. She is seeing the befit of this by me being more willing to do more and more around the house and by me not being more in love with her.

    I admit that other women Were some what more attractive to me. But the worse things were getting angry at my wife and having a sharp tongue with her, getting jealous of other men who did have wives more willing in the bed room (proof being pregnancies or when I talked the other men what they shared). So head my advise women, do something before your husband stops listening, helping out around the house, gets disgruntled, has a sharp tongue, or just get depressed.

  6. It’s wonderful that your wife is finally allowing you to lead!

    Clear Tract (you can get it on Amazon) is the very best thing for UTIs. I have had women who have suffered with them their entire lives and on antiobiotics, finally try Clear Tract and it clears them up within a few days without any side effects or drugs. Women can also take a scoop of it daily to prevent them. She may want to check it out!

  7. Lori I would like to thank you for sharing and teaching your strong convictions on what God expects of us as women.

    I was not raised Christian and have been lukewarm as an adult with one foot in the world, very quick to just turn away and try to do things my own way. After a family friend shared one of your posts in absolute disgust I was led to your blog and it spoke to my heart as truth.

    Soon after I stumbled upon something during an innocent Google search for something unrelated that was pure evil. A forum of men openly discussing their attraction to children. I believe God led me there as it truly was not related to what I had searched. As a mother I was deeply sickened and disturbed and in that moment I realised I want nothing to do with what this world has to offer and God is the only answer to the deeply perverted sin that is taking over our world. Right now homosexuality and transexuality are mainstream but it is only a matter of time before the most disgusting and depraved things we can imagine are mainstream if we keep ignoring God and the moral code he has clearly laid out for us.

    What you write about it so very important because it is God’s original plan and desire. Just look where ignoring it has taken the world.

    My eyes have been opened to the evil that exists and I want nothing to do with it. I cannot change it but I can learn about God, follow His will, pray for the protection of my family and pray for the world.

    I still have so much to learn but since being led to your blog I have fallen in love with God and started teaching my five year old son what I am learning and truly submitting to my husband.

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart for not being afraid to speak the truth

  8. Addressing UTIs as a result of sex:

    My nurse practitioner gave me wise counsel for UTIs that will work IF a wife is diligent. Her husband needs to be mindful of her body’s needs as well.

    “Honeymooner’s Disease” (UTI for the wife) occurs when bacteria has not been flushed out of the urinary tract prior to and after intercourse. The following is a helpful preventative for most post-intercourse UTIs. When WE (BOTH my husband and me!) fail at this, I WILL get a UTI.

    1. Mrs. should urinate.
    2. Mrs. should now drink a big glass of water, at least 8 ounces.
    3. Mr. AND Mrs., prepare for sex with a CLEAN body.
    4. Make joyful, passionate love. IF it is too vigorous and painful, communicate this to Mr. Typically when that happens, no amount of flushing out the urinary tract (urinating) will prevent the post-intercourse UTI. Why? Because it has been bruised during too vigorous sex.
    5. Mr., keep your fingers away from her privates (where both urine and feces are eliminated). Germs on your fingers can cause a post-intercourse situation.
    6. IMMEDIATELY following sex, Mrs. should not delay in flushing out the urinary tract (urinating). (See #2. The more water she drank, a good, long urination will flush out any harmful, UTI-causing bacteria.)

    My husband HELPS me with all of this because he doesn’t want me to get UTIs. If he wants sex, and believe me he does and is a HAPPY man in our bed, it takes TWO, so this is a must for my health and OUR marital well-being.

    I am a firm believer that this wise counsel will help many other wives who suffer horribly from ‘marital’ (wretched) UTIs. Until you’ve had one, you canNOT possibly know the misery.

    *hugs* to Lori!

  9. A sexless marriage can be devastating for both spouses. In our ministry we are seeing more and more wives being denied as well, often due to the rise of porn use and other times just plain selfishness of a going for “quick trip alone” because of unwillingness to take the time to find out what makes their wives tick in bed. It takes work from both parties to build a solid sexual relationship, especially if there are serous underlying issues or trauma involved.

    I find the that the more you build the marriage outside the bedroom the better it goes inside the bedroom. 🙂 🙂

  10. Oh, and Lori, my wife asked me to ask you if you would one day soon do a post about your daily routine as an older women. We are counting down the months until we are empty nesters 🙂

  11. Lori,

    Would you mind doing a blog post on sexual acts that God allows (in marriage, of course)? I’ve heard some say any thing, I’ve heard others say only intercourse in certain positions and no other forms of sexual intimacy. Would you be willing to write about that? To help us get women out? Thanks!

  12. As I was typing my last comment I had just put my baby to sleep and was sitting in the room to make sure he was in a deep sleep before I left. When I came out my five year old had drawn a picture of the cross and stuck it up in his room. Sadly I haven’t spoken to him much about God until very recently so this is not something he would have ever thought to do before. I almost cried, God has spoken to me through your blog and I am do humbled and grateful. Thank you again Lori for not being afraid to put the truth out there, God is making a big difference through you even amongst the horrible things that many have to say

  13. You’re welcome and this is so wonderful to hear! God’s ways are perfect for us and His Word transforming. Yes, most in the world are blinded to goodness right now, it seems. What is right is wrong and what is wrong is right but thankfully, the Lord didn’t leave us to fend for ourselves. He lives mightily within us and through us, plus He promises to never leave nor forsake us. Blessings to you!

  14. Yes, porn has been devastating for marriages but God has a wonderful prescription for wives who are married to disobedient husbands in 1 Peter 3:1-6 and I have seen the good fruit of it time and time again.

  15. Anything is acceptable in a marriage bed unless it is harmful to either party such as anal sex. My dad who was a pathologists his entire life said that anal sex is like playing in the sewer system! Unfortunately, I have had some women tell me that all their husbands want is oral sex which saddens me. I encourage them to see if their husbands (and pray about it) will compromise a bit with them and have normal intercourse once in a while, too.

  16. Keep teaching your child the truth of God’s Word. It is the best thing you can do for him; for hiding His Word in his heart will keep him from sinning against the Lord. It’s the only thing that has the power to transform lives.

  17. Yes a sexual relationship can be restored after porn has been removed from the marriage bed.

  18. The Catholic teaching is that the intimacy between husband and wife should always be both unitative (it should bring the couple together and strengthen their marriage) and it should be open to life that is finish in such a way as to allow conception to be possible without any contraception.

  19. Thank you for writing this, but I would have to disagree kindly. I was a virgin when I married my husband, and we had a son. Afterwards I always made myself available to my husband, but he did not initiate and we did not have further sexual relations. I was blessed to have a wonderful marriage with him until he went to heaven. I believe that we did not defraud each other, as we followed God and I submitted to God and my husband.

  20. A lovely story and an excellent example of submission to God and your husband.

  21. Excellent and wise advice and observations. My wife withheld sex as a means of punishment and control. Never overt. Just constantly hinting that if I did more things her way, she would be “more in the mood.” I have no problems treating her with love and respect. It was never enough. I jumped through all her hoops…and still she never quite was in the mood…except once every 3 or 4 months. I finally said, enough.” We are going to a counselor so the control games can be addressed. She blew a gasket and ended ALL affection. When the counselor suspected mental illness, and wanted to test her and get a diagnosis. She blew up and refused further help. She is now filing for divorce. The counselor said she saw her control and manipulation coming to an end. And divorce was preferable to ending her control of the marriage and admitting she has issues. He said, “women withholding sex is about control.” He is seeing more of this.

  22. My husband refuses me sex frequently. In fact, we can only have sex when he initiates it and he only does that if he feels I’ve jumped through enough hoops. I’m 38 and he has been doing this for over 11 years. He accuses me of being over sexed. I’m lucky if we have sex once a month. This is so hard. I feel unloved and incredibly vulnerable. Unfulfilled sexual desire has led me to fantasies that are sinful. It’s a struggle not to masterbating but by God’s grace I have not masterbating for a while.

    This isn’t just something men deal with. There are plenty of wives being denied sex from their husbands.

  23. I think I have a problem but my husband just doesnt seem to understand. First off, I’m not even married for a year and I dont feel like having sex. This is mainly because I’m always tired. I work really hard and I’m the primary breadwinner. I have 2 children that I hardly get to spend quality time with and my husband and I do almost nothing together. Our marriage isn’t in trouble in other areas as you might suppose based on all I just stated but the issue of not wanting to have sex is becoming a problem for him. I believe this should be looked at from both angles as there sometimes are simple reasons why the woman might not desire to have sex. In my case, maybe if I was my husband and the wife complains of being tired all the time, I’d do all I can to spread the housework evenly so she won’t be. Whatever her reason for not wanting to have sex, try to help her solve it. And sometimes its simple and in my case, I’m not the type of wife to whine and complain, I just see what needs to be done and do it so sometimes all it might take is communication, romance, or submission, depending on who’s at fault and why. I like the suggestions though.

  24. Good article. Very enlightening too. As a young man, I often fear that I will end up marrying a woman who will deprive me of sex. If God forbid that ever happens and she persistently and impenitently refuses to work on this issue with me and/or get counseling, I will divorce her. Whatever happens, I will not allow myself to go through that for the rest of my life.

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