Looking Good for Our Husband!

Looking Good for Our Husband!

It’s a fact: men are more visual than woman. I read that one woman told her husband that she has never been attracted to another man and her husband responded, “Neither have I!” Women can see a man without a shirt on and admire his physique but as one woman shared in the chat room (who has a very honest husband) that when he sees a beautiful and immodestly dressed woman he mentally undresses her and pictures himself having sex with her. Yes, this was before he became a Christian so now he is much more diligent about not allowing his mind to do this but it’s the truth that many men struggle with.

Since we know this about men and if we are married to a man, we should do what we can to stay attractive for our own husband. The Federalist wrote an article called, Staying Fit for Your Husband is One of the Best Gifts You Can Give Him. I agree with this and I am sure a lot of husbands would as well. “The unspeakable truth is this: a spouse’s physical appearance is much more likely to be important to men than women. Maintaining their figures and beauty—through reasonable efforts—is one important way that women can make their husbands happy.”

I began following Danielle Walker (Against All Grain) on Instagram recently. She gained 65 pounds while she was pregnant and soon after her birth, she shared that she had already lost 30 pounds and wanted to lose the rest so she would feel good and look good for her husband. Her  plan was to not eat sugar and eat Paleo. Women went berserk over this and ridiculed her for saying this! “How dare you want to lose weight for a man!”

Instead of being ridiculed, she should have been applauded for wanting to make her husband happy! Women should not be ridiculed for wanting to look good for their husbands or for wanting to please them. Why do we think there are so many divorces today? Even Christian woman don’t make much of an effort to look good and serve their husbands because selfishness and “it’s all about me” is the motto of our day and age.

Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly, righteously, and godly, in this present world (Titus 2:12).

We are not talking about being skinny or looking like a model. No, we are talking about eating healthy, exercising, eating only your portion (not overeating), and looking the best you can with what you have been blessed with. It’s called moderation and being temperate in all things which we, as believers, are called to do. Knowing that it’s important for your husband should give you even more incentive to stay in shape and look pretty for him (not in sweats and a t-shirt all day long).

 I can’t tell you how important accountability is in this battle against weight. Weighing yourself consistently is vital and even telling someone is good. Yes, it’s difficult but important to stay vigilant and it’s a lot easier to eat smaller portions and lose weight if you only have a few pounds to go rather than having many pounds to go. If you say you don’t have the discipline and self-control, you are lying to yourself. If you are a believe in Christ, one of the fruits of the spirit is self-control so Jesus inside of you has the self-control to eat less and lose some weight!

She that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
1 Corinthians 7:34

31 thoughts on “Looking Good for Our Husband!

  1. Lori,
    I am constantly amazed at the wisdom that you teach. You are giving women all of the keys to please God and achieve success in their marriages.

  2. Love this and all these kind of posts! I still need to lose about 15 kg, to look as I looked when we got married 6,5 years ago. I already lost 12 kg from most heavyset i was year and half ago. ( yes – i gained almost 30 kg…) Sometimes its so so hard. I struggle with binge eating problems. All these good reminders that we can be strong in Christ are really helpful. Thank you Lori for all your wonderful advises that you put so simply to understand. It gives strength and inspiration to continue to improve in all ways possible as christian wife. I want my husband to be really happy and proud of wife he chose and not living in regrets….

    1. Maybe have your husband hold you accountable. Since January, I had gained 11 pounds because of hormone replacement therapy and I knew I didn’t want to gain more. Yes, I did need to gain some since I was so thin but I’ve decided on a weight that I don’t want to go over so Ken holds me accountable. Every morning I weigh and report to him! If I go a bit over, I eat less that day, especially at night and portion control is the number one way to lose weight and to keep it under control.

      We just can’t eat all we want, what we want, and when we want; for we are no longer controlled by the flesh! You can do it because you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you! If you have lost 12 kg, you can lose 15 kg but you do need to stop binge eating, Zanete. Learn to have a few bites and then stop. Say “no” to your flesh and “yes” to righteousness.

    2. I heard that increasing good fats and protien and lowering carbs and drinking lots of water helps curb cravings and leaves you constantly feeling full. Might be worth giving it a go. Its worked well for me so far. 🙂

  3. Lori I love it when you post on this subject. It is an area where I struggle the most. It is a besetting sin for many women. All we need to do is people watch, and we can see that almost half of all women are overweight. Thank you! I know I can do this through Christ who strengthens me! I look forward to more of these posts if you will.

    1. Thank you, Diane. Yes you can! We all need consistent encouragement in the ways of godliness and this is what the body of believers should be able to freely do with each other. No sin or struggle in our lives should be off limits.

  4. Science is showing us more and more that many women are also visually stimulated. My wife is and many of the women she ministers too are as well. So I would be careful to say it’s a male only thing.

    If a man is looking at women, mentally undressing them and thinking about sex with them then he is in engaging in lust and is in sin. I feel for this wife who has a mentally unfaithful husband. This is not should not be accepted as normal male behavior. You can notice someone you find attractive but then immediately move on so as to not dwell on it. I am 52 years old and I have never once mentally undressed a woman. We did not raise our sons this way either. If one of my daughters was dating a man with this issue, we would strongly suggest against such a relationship because often mental unfaithfulness heads into, or is already hand in hand with porn use. A man who views women solely as a body to have sex with is not an honorable man. Women are people first. With hearts and souls.

    About the weight. Guys, if you hardline expecting your wife to look a certain way than you better return the favor. Spouses should never ever nag or demean each other about their weight. Strive for health? Yes! But tearing another person down is wrong. Trying to stay ahead of 5 kids is an Olympic feat. But slowly we are getting the house back to ourselves. My wife is about 30 pounds heavier than when we married, 30 years ago. I’m 45 pounds heavier. I think it’s just that more to hold onto while in bed, personally. 😉 The longer I am married, I find it’s about more than just looks. It’s about companionship, friendship, laughter and knowing the heart and soul of the one you live life with. Sex just gets better and better when it’s with the one whom your soul loves.

    1. Her husband does this no longer since he is a believer, Brian, thankfully, but most men today weren’t raised by godly parents who taught them how to flee all forms of sexual immorality so it seems they would easily go where their flesh leads them.

      1. We Christians keep the mindset going by telling men they are weak slaves to their sex drives. And it can’t be helped because “God made them that way.” Then telling them that the responsibility for keeping them in line is all on women for how they dress and act. Which isn’t scriptural but sadly it’s part of our culture here.

        1. I agree with you, Brian H. It is so uplifting to read a man say these things. Sounds like you are very understanding and your wife is blessed, and so are your children.

        2. Brian H, I am not sure who you are referring to as “We as Christians keep the mindset going by telling men they are weak slaves to their sex drive.” I certainly agree with you that Christian are not weak, and are no longer slaves to sin, and are freed from sin, so even if sexual sins are one a man’s greatest temptations and struggles, just a woman’s may be her emotional nature, all Christians can and should walk in the Spirit and be freed from sin.

          I also don’t know who would be telling Christian men that “the responsibility for keeping them in line is all on women for how they dress and act.” I have never heard this before in my many years as a Christian. Women do have a responsibility for how they dress and act, and men a responsibility to look away or ignore sexually teasing behaviors outside of marriage. And this is what Lori is teaching to the women who read her.

          Perhaps you are just using exaggeration to make your points, but we are freed from sin and responsible to walk in the Spirit, and a part of walking in the Spirit is not being a stumbling block, which some women want to believe is all on the man to ignore her sexually attractive dress and behaviors. Let’s teach each party to own their own sins, which I think on balance is what is being taught to men and women alike in the church.

          1. Ken,
            Thank you. If anything all I ever hear from Christian Men and women is for men/boys abstain and treat girls like your mother or sister. On the other hand I hear the same christians tell women/girls to follow their hearts and they’ll never go wrong…. We all know the heart is wicked and modern women and girls prove it.

    2. Have you considered starting a blog? I ask because it seems you have a lot you want to say to married couples and this blog is mostly limited to an older woman teaching us younger women (which I appreciate because so precious few older women have made themselves as available to help us younger women).

      1. It seems to me that this blog is becoming more of a marriage blog than a “blog for women.” A marriage blog is a wonderful thing and this seems to fit that category, with the increasing number of men commenting.

        If we want to encourage one male to start his own blog, we should ask the same question of the others. It is either good to hear a man’s perspective here, or it is not. It seems some are welcomed with words of praise and some are not.

        Since I found this blog, the tone of the comments and the actual regular comments have changed dramatically. I must say it has left me a bit puzzled as I no longer know the purpose of the blog.

        Maybe Lori and Ken have decided to move in this direction and have not yet made it official??

        I mean no disrespect, dear Lori and Ken. Maybe just need some clarification. Thank you for your time.

        1. I don’t know whose comments are welcome and whose are not but I actually came for the Titus 2 aspects of this blog. I cannot get this anywhere else. I have searched and prayed for years and Lori is the only woman who has regularly taken up the call to Titus 2. I think marriage blogs are great, but that is not what I turn to when I look to Lori’s blog.

          As for encouraging one man over another to start his own blog. I say that because Brian often describes what he believes a man’s role is in the marriage. I think this can be hard for women to read when they are struggling with husbands who may be disobedient to the word. If my husband were mean and lazy and didn’t read this blog, it could be hard for me to hear how wonderful a husband Brian says men should be. That would be a good blog for men and women, not a Titus 2 blog.

      2. I did not realize this was a women only place, as plenty of men comment here regularly as well. I am a longtime reader and enjoy the online discussions with others who are also active in ministry and mentoring. 🙂

        1. This is what Lori says of her own Blog in the About Me page
          My ministry is based upon Titus 2:3-5 in which God commands that older women teach younger women to be sober, love and obey their husbands, love their children, be chaste, discreet, good, and keepers at home. If you would love to learn and grow in these areas and allow God’s Word and His ways to transform your marriage and your life, please join me as I teach you what I have learned from His Word, my own experience and mentoring many women, and most importantly, allowing the Holy Spirit to convict and transform you into the image of Christ.

          Also, as a woman, she has always said she will not teach men (although I know Ken writes here at times). I too hope for clarification as I come to this blog because I have no where else to turn for this kind of counsel from an older Godly woman.

  5. I have lost a bit of weight due to stress. But i just found out baby #10 (pregnancy #11) is on the way. So i expect to regain some. So im trying to make healthy choices. Lots of good fats with protien. (Eggs fried in coconut oil, topped with avacado chunks and sour cream, yum!) I also take an organic vitamin d3 supplement and eat lots of vegetables etc. But i also allow a small treat each day. And i feel great! Hoping i will look great for hubby too. 🙂

    1. Congratulations and you eat exactly like I eat! Yesterday, I went to a family organic farm and bought 6 large heads of lettuce, raspberries, cauliflower, broccoli, beef steak tomatoes, and green peas for $27. I was so excited and it’s all delicious. I made a big omelette with a lot of it this morning and it was so good.

      1. I love to eat fresh strawberries,raspberries,blueberries,blackberries with lots of double cream. I found this helps curb my craving for chocolate. And it tastes sooo good!

  6. Thanks for publishing this, Lori. I skimmed through the comments to the link from The Federalist; they were nearly 500 in number! It’s sad to see the defensiveness and anger of feminism on display.

    Husbands will have their unique preferences, but it doesn’t seem unreasonable to desire or expect a wife to keep her own vineyard {cf. Song of Solomon 1:6}. Couples exercising with each other is a great way to do this. You’ve written about how you and Ken walk together. That’s one of my favorite things to do as well. Plus, it allows spending time together and conversation, also.

    1. It seems most women’s natural reaction is to get defensive, Lady Virtue. I love to be convicted and challenged with truth and I’m thankful that there are other women like you that do, too.

  7. I think one of the biggest things that holds wives and mothers back is not prioritizing the time to get your health on track. Especially when you have kids and a busy life, it can be nearly impossible to find time during the busy day to have your quiet time, exercise, and get yourself prepared for the day. One of the things I do is wake up early, regardless of what time I went to bed, so I can have uninterrupted time in the Word, exercise, eat a good breakfast, and get myself ready for the kiddos to wake up. Although it can be tiring getting up early, as a friend of mine pointed out: you aren’t going to be more tired waking up at 6am than at 7:30am….boy is it true. I just trained myself to wake up to my alarm the first time and not hit snooze. That really helps with developing self-control.

    People often ask how I keep myself in shape with all the kids and the many, many roles I play, and although everyone initially assumes that I spend a ton of time at the gym, the secret is that I just do a little bit each morning consistently. Transformation is more gradual this way, but also more sustainable. And trust me, with how absolutely crazy busy my life is right now, if I can do it than literally anyone can. I think this would transform so many lives and health if they put these small daily habits into practice, getting 80% of the most important things done before everyone wakes up. Sometimes I think that this must be why the Bible says that the Proverbs 31 wife gets up while it’s still dark…because she would never have time for these important things in the thick of the day. Just a thought. 🙂

    1. Great suggestions, TJFW! When I had young children and my life was crazy, every day I would load one on my back or the rest on the stroller and go for a walk in order to get exercise. It was always a priority for me, that and eating healthy.

  8. I completely agree that it is natural and part of a good marriage to want to please your husband by looking your best.

    I also think it is part of our duty to try and stay healthy and to look after our bodies.

    But I do also think that there is a real problem with the way that the media etc portrays the ‘perfect’ woman as looking ‘sexy’ slim and – shall we say pre-motherhood when actually the process of motherhood, pregnancy nursing etc is actually what God made us for.

    1. Yes, I sure do agree with you, Susanne. This is why I made sure to not put another burden on women’s shoulders about how exactly they are supposed to look since we’re all built differently and trying to measure up to what we see in the media is a never ending task.

  9. Love this, something I am currently working on with my husband in mind! Thin Within is a great faith-centered book that teaches about hunger cues to avoid overeating.

  10. Men have been commenting on my blog almost since I began writing over six years ago. Cabinetman was a frequent commenter along with other. There is no Bible verse or rule that men can’t comment on my blog or teach women. I enjoy learning from them and getting their perspective. They know this blog is written for women. Any women who don’t want to read their comments, skip over them or don’t read any of the comments.

    I do want you to know that just because I publish the men’s comments doesn’t mean I always agree with them. I won’t argue with them, however, or try to “set them straight” since this isn’t my job nor what I am called to do. I ask Ken if he wants to respond and he almost always does.

  11. I struggle with my weight. I have lost about sixty pounds and then gained it. I am more stressed, lonely and out of control with food. I also instruct children’s cooking classes part time.
    Going to the beach for vacation this summer was very disturbing to me to see women letting out their boobs and wearing swimsuits that showed their butts. I was mad at my husband for looking but you couldn’t help it because that’s what was there in your face. May I mention this was a family beach.
    I don’t need criticism from anyone about my weight. I do need help. I try to dress nicely everyday, not in sweats, to impress my husband and look good for him.
    Please pray for my weight loss. Thank you.

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