She Never Tells Him What to Do
For years I tried to tell my husband how to eat healthier and all it did was drive a deep wedge into our marriage. Trying to control others, especially our husbands, is a terrible way to live. It is counterproductive to a good marriage. We are called to be their help meet and to submit to them in everything, NOT try to control or change them. This is the Lord’s job.
I have been following a young woman on Facebook. She is close friends with one of my nieces. She loves eating healthy and living as toxic-free as she can since being diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. She is a wise young woman. On her Facebook page, she had these words:
I am most frequently asked how I get my husband on board with healthy eating and non-toxic living.
Newsflash, the answer is quite simple. I never tell him what to do! <— yes, it’s really that simple!
So I went to her article and read this:
Honestly my best and most truthful advice is: never tell someone what to do. Show them a better way through your actions, discipline, and passion for healthy living. Let that spirit become so contagious so that they ask, “Hey, can I do that, too?”
I can say that I have honestly never once told my husband what to do. Rather he saw my discipline and how eating healthy and non-toxic products influence me so much that he wanted in. I vividly remember the day when he emailed me a long list of Primally Pure & Beautycounter products he wanted to try.
Her husband is a blessed man! Give your husband the gift of not telling him what to do and learning to please him instead. Yes, you can kindly ask him to do things but never tell or command him since you are his wife, not his mother or boss.
Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.
1 Corinthians 13:24
15 thoughts on “She Never Tells Him What to Do”
I strive never to tell my husband what to do….he is definitely the leader of this household. However, I do catch myself trying to suggest things he should do. Oh dear. 🙁 I’m still a work in progress!!! 🙂
Thank you Lori,
Your post is spot on,
I never tell my husband what to do I’m his wife not his mother. I’ve always been a healthy eater and the one who enjoyed exercise my husband was never a fan of such things so instead of nagging him about it I prayed about it and lead by example now were both healthy eaters who love to tending to our gardens and chickens and being outside with nature together with our little girl.
What a wonderful Valentine gift this would be… a loving and peaceful marriage!
Greetings Lori,
Thank you for your exhortation! How we women need to hear this and OBEY IT!! How I fail so many times and take heed to my flesh and not walk in the Spirit! I try to think ahead to my young daughters; seeing what I model and hope one day they will bless their future husbands!!! You are a prized GEM to my soul!!!!
THANK YOU FOR YOUR COMMITTMENT TO DO THIS! KEEP’EM COMING!!!
We are all a work in progress, Katy!
You are a wise woman, Monique, and did it the right way!
Yes, it would be the very best gift of all!
Thank you, Kim, and I encourage you to read Romans 6 and 8 over and over again! It’s the greatest encouragement to walk daily in the Spirit and believe that through Christ living mightily within us, we are able to do it.
I’ve been struggling and I confess failing at this the last few weeks? I needed to read this today!
My husband has rediscovered video games to my utter dismay?
He’s great at so many things and WHY this drives me nuts I don’t know. I just know that time is our most valuable resource and see video games as wasteful.
I’ve allowed my disdain to alter my attitude and respect towards him and I want to have victory over this! Because he is not changing his habits anytime soon.
The verse in Corinthians about casting down high imaginations and bringing every thought captive to the obedience of Christ is what I’m meditating on right now. If I don’t then
I’m libel to do stir up more strife than I have already ???♀️
Haley, Take heart and let your man be a man. We men have lots of pressure and things that we have to deal with and sometimes we just need to put our brains in neutral and rest. We need to forget about all of the things that weigh heavy on our hearts and minds and do something else for a while. Some golf or play other sports, some workout/exercise, some hunt/fish, and some play silly, time wasting video games.
My pastor confessed to us last night (in Bible study) that his wife walked in on him yesterday afternoon and caught him playing a game of spider solitaire on his computer and she laughed at him and asked him what he was doing. He replied that once he finished playing that game and beat it, he would experience a feeling of accomplishment. He further went on to explain to us that in his (round and round) life of studying and teaching and praying and counseling; that most of the time, he feels like he accomplishes very little and even though it’s not much, playing and beating that game will give him a feeling of accomplishment and we men need that in our lives.
Who knows, this might be part of your husbands motivation for playing video games. He might need the mental break; he might need the feeling of accomplishment when he solves the puzzle or kills all of the bad guys; or he just might be doing it in sin.
Only God knows for sure, but don’t get between God and your husband by trying to tell him what to do or force him to live according to your convictions. In the authority structure that God makes very plain in His word, your husband does not answer to you, he answers to God and if you get in-between God and your husband and try to change him yourself, God is just going to grab a bag of popcorn and sit back and watch the show.
But, if you are obedient to God and are faithful in staying in your place and treating your husband as God has instructed you to, you leave an open and unobstructed path between God and your husband and do not hinder God in doing His work in changing your husband to make him what He wants him to be. (1 Peter 3:1-2)
It is a foolish fallacy for a woman to ever think that SHE can force her husband to change for the better. Acting like this is tearing her house down with her own hands. One of the worst things you can do is get in God’s way and quench the Spirit. The best thing you can do is follow God’s instructions to you, pray for your husband and trust God for the results. Only God can change your husband for the better.
I too have been struggling with this! Just recently my husband has re downloaded games on his phone and he sits and plays and I’m the same way it bothers me and sometimes I have a hard time just letting it go! And then next thing I know it changes the way I view my husband and drives a wedge! I don’t want to be like this anymore. I feel like sometimes my biggest battle is my marriage and many times I cry and pray and beg God for help and I know I need to Yield to the Holy Spirit and trust Him!! If I can trust Him for my salvation how can I not trust Him to do a work in my husband?! I think I have a problem with patience…I want to see things change and I want to see it NOW! But yet that’s not how it goes it’s a process of sanctification and it doesn’t just happen over night. Many times I have gotten victory over this and I saw with my own eyes God changing my husband but then as soon as something happens and I slide and let the “old woman” reassurect herself I have no one to blame but myself…as women we really need to pray for one another! Now more than ever it seems. I am greatful for this blog and all the articles that get written and posted, it encourages me and helps me. God seems to lead me to something on here when he knows I’m struggling and need some help. And I know I’m not the only one. I have a strong desire to be a better wife then what I have been! To have more victories and less failures in this area. There are a few verses of scripture the Lord is really having me meditate on and repeat and they are…
Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands. -Proverbs 14:1
She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life. -Proverbs 31:12
And…Seek good, and not evil, that ye may live: and so the LORD, the God of hosts, shall be with you, as ye have spoken. -Amos 5:14
I’m glad a man chimed in on this because it helps me to remember that men and women are different and what you said hit me too…I need to let my husband be. Man and let him make his own mistakes and let GOD deal with him as HE sees fit not how I SEE fit!! The devil is after families and every time I get on my husbands case for something like playing games I’m opening the door for the enemy and i have a little boy and his future is at stake every time I open my mouth to try and change my husband..it’s not my job!!! I need to get this through my thick skull!!! 🙁
I just appreciate your comment thank you!!
I am keeping my mouth shut, but my husband weighs 320 pounds, gets no exercise, and eats a diet of meat, ice cream, candy, soda, and fast food burgers and fries. He gets winded walking to the mail box or one flight of stairs and has developed metabolic syndrome and several other health conditions related to his physical condition. I cook healthy, balanced meals but he mocks them and then takes the kids out for fast food or pizza (which worries me because one of my sons is now obese and becoming his father’s “eating buddy).
I am very frustrated because his habits are affecting his health, the health of our family, and even our relationship as a couple. He constantly comments on my good figure and appearance. I keep working hard to keep him happy and feeling loved in and out of the bedroom, but he has really let himself go and I don’t know how to help him. He has already had a blood clot, back trouble, an enlarged heart, a hiatal hernia, gerd, and breathing problems, but he believes that this is normal.
Does anyone have any advice for me? I learned a long time ago that the only way to change someone else’s behavior is to let him realize that the pain of not changing has become too much to bear. My dad died at 58 and, yes, he was morbidly obese, diabetic, had heart disease, and colon cancer and was an old man by age 50. I don’t want my husband or son to share the same fate. Please help me figure out what to do.
I asked the women in the chat room and here are some of their responses:
“Something I am learning, is to not play God to my husband. If there is something he does that is worrisome, or I feel he needs to change, I go to God in prayer. Only God can truly change someone through conviction of His Holy Spirit.
If it were me, I’d start by following the advice given here by cooking healthier options and pray for him and your children.
Example, if he wants burgers for dinner, you can mix ground turkey with a little ground beef. I use ground turkey for my spaghetti, chili, meatloaf, etc.,
God healed my husband from his ptsd from his military war experiences, and he had a specific addiction that I won’t mention, that God freed him from. God bless you.”
“Let him know you are worried about his health. Pray for him. The only other thing to is to really focus on your health, it will help with the anxiety of this situation but you’ll have better skin, more energy, tone up etc…he will notice and I pray it will inspire him.
It worked for me. I got sick and tired of telling my husband to make better food choices so I said nothing and demonstrated what is possible. He now comes to the gym with me several times a week and is trying all the food and health supplements that he once scoffed at.
I hope this helps x”
I wanted to give you an update on our family life since your wise counsel. I kept my mouth shut, prayed, cooked healthy meals for the family members who would eat them, encouraged lots of walking and exercising together as a family with the family members who would participate, and quit going out to eat when I knew the destination was a fast food restaurant where everything on the menu was loaded with poor choices and watching them eat would only stress me out. Then their were major developments. My son was diagnosed with high blood pressure and near morbid obesity at his annual appointment. He listened to the doctor and began to make healthier choices. My spouse continued to undermine this by bringing home soda, icecream, and taking him out at every opportunity. Then my spouse ran out of his medications, the doctor wouldn’t renew them without an office visit, and he spent several weeks feeling very unwell. When he finally saw the doctor, the doctor diagnosed him with extreme morbid obesity, told him he needed to change his behavior asap if he did not want to die, and suggested bariatric surgery. This really shook him up. I don’t know what will ultimately happen, but he stopped undermining my efforts to help our son which is the best I can ask for at this point. He is scared and angry and yelling about my cooking, but I realize that he isn’t really mad at me. He is mad at himself, because any choice he makes–healthy diet and exercise, surgery, or deciding to keep going on just the way he is already all have real consequences for the future. I will keep praying and keep my temper. Please pray for our family, too.