Why Do Women Despise Being the Weaker Vessel?
“Why do you think women despise the biblical term “weaker vessel” in describing women?” I asked this question to the women in the chat room and here are some of their replies.
“When I was much younger, I had the mentality that ‘I can do anything a man can do. I don’t need a man.’ Sure I always thought about getting married, but I didn’t look at it from a biblical perspective and how valuable each gender is…the strengths of one pick up the weaknesses of the other and vice versa. I honestly had no intention of staying at home. No intention of homeschooling. That stuff wasn’t ‘normal.’
I think being single my whole life (until I met my now husband) kind of fueled that. I was encouraged to stay single. To go to college. Establish a career. THEN find a husband and have kids one day. I was young and didn’t need a husband and kids right away or I would be ‘tied down.’
I did go to college. Freshman year, I went away from home and moved back for the remainder (my mama was very sick). At the local college, I met my (now) sister-in-law (we were both in nursing school…she a year ahead). After I met her brother…that all went away.
Why wouldn’t I want to marry young? Why wouldn’t I want to be a stay-at-home wife and mommy? Why wouldn’t I want a man to depend on where I am weak?
I think women today are so brainwashed. But if they were to push aside the thoughts they are fed, you naturally just fall into your roles…at least it worked that way for me.
Sure I still had some work to do after I got married (this is where the chat room comes in 
😉 ) but now I see how foolish I was when I was younger.” (Sarah)
“In the eyes of society the term weaker indicates that women are not as good as, or as important as men and that term to them also sounds like men can be allowed to dominate over women. It comes back to control, wanting to be better than and do without men. If we look at women as weaker than men then women by large can not do everything that men can. That is what society fights against. They do not like being told they should not or can not do something.” (Cassie)
“Pride.” (Audra)
“Simply put, they have been taught by feminist to take offense of any term that does not indicate they are totally equal in all ways or better then men. Which is based on feelings, which makes us a weaker vessel, which confirms we are. ;)” (Tracy)
“It was actually a relief to me when I learned this. I was raised with mindset of ‘you shouldn’t need to depend on a man to take care of you.’ It always felt unnatural to me, as if I just didn’t have what it takes to be successful or follow through in the career world. When I learned what God says my role is, it was like a weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I don’t have to carry the burden that my husband does as provider and protector, and for that I am grateful!” (Jessica)
“For those of us that live in reality, we know it’s true. My husband is so much stronger than I am in almost every way. And I am fine with that! I can’t imagine how miserable I would be if I lived my life everyday trying to disprove something that is an absolute truth.” (Robin)
Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
1 Peter 3:7
*If you are interested in being in the chat room, you must be a woman, fill out the application, and ask to join before being let in. We were receiving so many requests without knowing what the women believed. We don’t want it to be a place of dissension but of godly women encouraging, rebuking, and exhorting each other in the ways of godly womanhood.
25 thoughts on “Why Do Women Despise Being the Weaker Vessel?”
It’s a control issue. Today’s American women do not want to submit to authority. All around the world women are in submission to there husband’s. This nation has allowed the feminist movement to destroy the minds of women. I used to wrestle with God on this issue because I didn’t understand why should I have to submit to a man. The Lord has a way of humbling us though. It’s about order and Holiness. This is what He requires of us. Denying ourselives and taking up our cross and following Him. Daily I’m being set free from this mindset and daily repenting when I do stumble…hallelujah 🙂
For me, it depends on how feminism is defined. I think it’s about choices, and the equality of women and men. It’s not about sameness. Of course, men and women are biologically different. Men are physically stronger than women.
This idea that a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle sounds crazy. The truth is God made us to need each other. We can build a life together in marriage.
And, then with all of this talk about “trigger warnings,” and “microaggressions,” my head is spinning. It sounds like a good recipe for the abridgement of the “freedom of speech,” on the college campuses.
Probably can tell I’m a progressive libertarian. 🙂
I see nothing at all wrong with women choosing to have a large family, and stay home full time. This is an awesome and godly choice.
But, I feel there are other women who may also feel led to use their gifts and talents outside the home as well, and may be pursuing careers that they feel are a calling from God. Both can be good depending on the circumstances. Sometimes it might even depend on the “season of life” we’re in at the time.
I know we could get into a “dueling of the Bible verses,” here. Don’t want to go that route. For me, the main issue is for us to love and care for one another, and not automatically judge each other’s choices in this. “There is now no condemnation in Christ Jesus..”
Peace and blessings.
I am not sure that women all around the world are submissive or God wouldn’t have inspired the Apostle Paul to write all those verses about wives being in submission to their husbands. Women are the same world wide, although I do agree the feminist movement has made it much worse for American women because even Christian women and the Church have been influence by it.
The Lord sure does have a way of humbling us!
If you study the roots and beginning of feminism, you can clearly see what its goals were and they are completely opposed to anything resembling biblical womanhood.
“Being a housewife is an illegitimate profession…The choice to serve and be protected and plan towards being a family-maker is a choice that shouldn’t be.” ~Vivian Gornick
“The nuclear family must be destroyed… Whatever its ultimate meaning, the break-up of families now is an objectively revolutionary process. ~Linda Gordon
God doesn’t call any mother into a career that takes her away from her children for hours every day. Not one woman had a career in the Bible that took her away from her home and family for hours every day and in submission to a boss.
Speaking truth in love is not judging but speaking truth which we are commanded to do for God’s Word never comes back void.
Too many women have this women’s lib or feminist attitude, even Christian women, that says, I want what a man has. Or I want to in charge because men have been there long enough. Well, the reason men have had it long enough has nothing to do with men are better and women are less. It has to do with the fact that GOD said so. It goes back to the garden and the fall. It goes back to the way that God judged their actions which would and does carry on till now and will carry on for all the time this world is here. It’s not about being better, it’s about GOD setting it up, judging it to be this way. Genesis 3:16, For you will desire your husband,(Want his power, his position, his headship) BUT, God says, he shall RULE over you. And in one translation, it says that the man would be her master. It doesn’t say anything about being less of a person or he was better and has the right to abuse you. You are not devalued ladies. Remember that. You are man’s Gift and treasure. Proverbs 18:22 “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord. But because of the fall and the woman sinning first that your man would rule over you and be your master. You are valued and loved and to be honored. But it doesn’t change the fact that you are to Respect Eph 5:33, Submit in EVERYTHING, Eph 5:22-24, AS LONG AS HE IS NOT TELLING YOU TO VIOLATE THE BIBLE AND GOD’S STATUTES. And Obey, 1 Peter 3:6.
Plus, I believe that Feminism is single most greatest threat to a marriage. Women will talk about being devalued by men, but the Feminist movement does even worse to a man. I know this. Though my ex wife never used the word feminist, she had that attitude and that ind set that women should have what men have, and men should have it just because he had a penis. I was and felt devalued as a man because of it.
Ben, I’m very sorry for your pain, and I realize that this is a controversial issue in the church. I appreciate that we’re able to have this discussion here.
Partly, it involves in how we receive and interpret various passages of the Scripture.
I would agree with you that because of human fallenness there is certainly this tendency for men to want to rule over women, and especially in our time and culture there are plenty of women out there who also want to rule over and control men.
But, I feel strongly as a Christian woman, that Christ has set us free from all curses. Jesus elevated the status of women in His time. Paul writes that in Christ there is neither male nor female.
It’s my conviction that overall the Scripture teaches mutual submission . We need to be loving one another, and looking out for each other’s interests.
Prayers for healing, Ben, for you and your ex wife.
Paul’s writing are to the Church age which we are presently living under, Rebecca. Women STILL want to rule and be in control of their husband, even Christian ones but God has commanded women to be in submission to their husbands in everything and even obey them as Sarah obeyed Abraham. There isn’t one command for men to obey their wives. God has set up a perfect authority structure as all institutions must have to run smoothly.
If you believe in “mutual submission” I hope you are at least holding your end of the bargain and being submissive to your husband! 🙂
Rabecca, you are kind, thank you.
Like I said, I have witnessed so many wives walk all over their husbands personally since I was in my mid teens or so, including my mother. Feminism is running rampant in the church. This is not what God had in mind when he joined men and women together. And I can just imagine his tears over it.
I read a post that Lori wrote in January of 2015 about Sunshine Mary. Some of the responses from Christian men and women just angered me. Some saying that he had NO right enforce the rules in his home though he was head and he was to let her do whatever the heck she wanted, no matter if it ruined them and their marriage. Others saying that his only job was to love her and not enforce the rules. What is the use of being head if he has nothing to be head over? God made him head. Yes, he is to love her and yes he is to even die for her as Christ did for us, if called upon to do so. BUT, to say that he has no right to enforce and to let her do what she pleases is a definition of Feminism in my opinion. This is a women trying to take over the authority of the home and be the head. This is what God was talking about in Genesis 3:16. It is WRONG! Women feel that being the weaker sex means they are devalued and non important. THAT ISN’T TRUE. So they try to subvert their husbands GOD GIVEN place as head.
Some of the comments from the other blog site Lori had about Sunshine Mary were from men, but what I saw, most of them were from women saying the husband has no right to even lightly discipline her by taking things away and by even chastising her for disobeying him. If he isn’t supposed to enforce and she is to do whatever the heck she wants without a word from him, then why did Paul even say anything about a woman’s submission and obedience? Why did he spend so much time on the subject? Not just in the marriage, but leadership in the church as well. He wouldn’t have if obedience and submission were not important to God. Were submit and obey Christ, so why is any different for the wife, since the wife is under the authority of the husband just like man is under the authority of Christ. We are to obey Christ and she is obey her man.
To be the weaker vessel doesn’t mean you are nothing and should be walked on. Being the weaker vessel gives you the opportunity to be strong through your obedience and submission. Your husband DOES have the RIGHT to enforce the rules in the home. That is all part of the verse in Gen 3:16. “and he shall rule over you.”
He does have the right to tell her she can’t do something. He DOES have the RIGHT to take away things from her and the right to use some sort of light punishment if her behavior is disrespectful and disobedient. And even cutting up her credit cards if her spending is getting out of hand. She is not honoring and submitting. She is being disrespectful. She is showing that she wants to be free from his GOD GIVEN authority. They show they do not trust God or their Husband to lead. They show that they don’t like God’s role for them as the weaker vessel. And to me, it shows that they do not understand what being the weaker vessel really means.
Okay, I’m done. I am very frustrated about this and had a lot to say.
Amen! This is worthy of a post so watch for it. Thank you, Ben, and I agree 100%.
(((Lori))) bless your heart. I fall short everyday.
Seriously, I’ve been married for over thirty years, and I think this need to want to control, to have our way, and to drag the other person to where we’re at is endemic in all relationships, for both men and women.
To give a small, somewhat silly example, I’m recently retired, having spent sometime working within the Child Welfare system, and also for a short time in family based therapy. I did stay home when my children were young, and also home schooled which I totally loved doing.
Anyway, my husband and I have agreed together concerning household chores. He is also retired. My husband is “in charge” among other things of maintaining the upstairs bathroom since he mostly uses this. Yesterday, It looked like a disaster, just terrible. I gently mentioned the concern. Viola, the bathroom now looks great.
However, the truth is my husband is kind of hopeless at these tasks, comparatively speaking anyway. It’s just not important to him.
I’ve made up my mind rather than to try to “control” my man in this, I’m going to let it alone. It’s his bathroom after all, and if I can’t stand it, I’ll clean it myself. Sometimes we just have to choose our battles.
One thing I have learned after all these years of marriage is the importance of open communication, and then forgiveness. The build up of bitterness and resentment is deadly.
One of my favorite verses of Scripture:
“Be completely humble and gentle, be patient bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace..”
And, like I said, even in my sixties, I’m still a work in progress. So is my husband. 🙂
Most men aren’t built to be homemakers! 🙂 Yes, bitterness and resentment are marriage killers and need to be stopped the moment they enter our minds by taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.
Thank you for sharing your one example. It’s not worth it to destroy a marriage over a husband not cleaning his bathroom. That is for sure!
I think I remember the post you are talking about Ben. Was it the one about putting knives in the dishwasher? If so, I remember how ANGRY many women got. It was disgusting to see the things they would write, and it just proved the point that I say often “There are not many people in this world that are angrier than a feminist woman”—- she’s angry at the world in most cases and for the life of me, I can’t figure out why. I was raised with five brothers, no sisters and unfortunately I grew up with the mindset that I could do anything a man could do, and even felt like once I married—-“No man is going to tell me what to do”.
I mellowed out some once married, but the underlying thought was still there. Thankfully, my husband allowed me to quit my job a year or so after our son was born (funny how, even though I had the mindset that no man was going to tell me what to do, I still obeyed him about working). Once I was home, and away from all the stress and feminism at work, I began searching and eventually came upon Debi Pearl’s book. Wow, it hurt my feelings :), but it convicted me.
For women on the fence about this submission thing, let me tell you something. I am married to a MANLY man and he doesn’t believe in expressing feelings and will tell you exactly what he thinks. As a young woman, it often hurt my feelings, but once I started submitting things started changing. Now don’t get me wrong, he is still a manly man and he still doesn’t show lots of emotion, but he cherishes me now. You see, it’s funny how God works! All those years, I was the reason he didn’t cherish me because I was fighting and rebelling against my Godly design.
I was created to be my husband’s helpmeet, I was created to submit, serve and obey him. It took me a long time to realize that by submitting to him I was showing him respect. And since I was respecting him and obeying my God-given role, my husband responded (I don’t know why, I haven’t asked. All I know is often times I can tell when I am not respecting him based upon how he treats me, it causes me to search and see if there is some way that I have been disrespectful to my man and to correct it.) You see, when you are who God designed you to be, there’s this peace that makes no sense, the daily problems and stresses of life are still there, but they don’t seem as bad. It can only be explained by a loving God that set up a chain of command that needs to be followed.
Sorry, I guess I got a little carried away!
You can get carried away any time you’d like on my blog, HH. I LOVE this comment! Thank you.
HappyHomemaker,
What a beautiful testimony!
You say “You see, it’s funny how God works! All those years, I was the reason he didn’t cherish me because I was fighting and rebelling against my Godly design… I was created to be my husband’s helpmeet, I was created to submit, serve and obey him. It took me a long time to realize that by submitting to him I was showing him respect. And since I was respecting him and obeying my God-given role, my husband responded (I don’t know why….”
THIS is one of the KEY principles that I am trying to explain to women. When they fight, rebel against and disrespect their husbands, this is ugly and repulsive to a man and it drives him away. It makes wives hard to love and impossible to like. It makes them ugly and undesirable to even be around. But when wives start doing it Gods way, (because of the way God made men) we just naturally respond to that; it softens our hearts, it allows us to put down our shield. You quit being our enemy and become our ally. You become helpful instead of an obstacle. Our protective instincts kick in. A woman treating a man with respect and submission is VERY attractive and is of great value in our eyes. You become beautiful and this draws us back to you. You become something to be valued and cherished and protected.
Why is it this way some of you might ask? HH said it perfectly… “It can only be explained by a loving God that set up a chain of command that needs to be followed.” Ladies, you have to do it Gods way if you want the joy and peace (that passes all understanding) to reign in your life. What a great truth! What a great testimony!
Ben,
You hit that one right out of the park! 🙂
Question related to this and Ben’s comment. Who is a wife supposed to respect more? Her husband or her father? Example: a wife always listens to or goes to her father for any advice or for repairing items before consulting her husband. She will tell her husband to call her father as the first responce when anything breaks down or any major decision is needed to be made. Now the husband has abilities and skills in building and repairing many things.
HH, Ben, Trey, Lori: right on …all words of truth.
I suspect that some will get tired of me saying this [5 times on this blog so far??] but “the healing of the church starts with women.” Men are simply the symptom as HH noted in her marriage [including a man’s ‘baggage’ from a woman influencing some prior marriage …like his parents. And no, I’m not saying he is not responsible for his ‘symptom’ sin; just that he did not instigate it …like Adam].
There certainly is something inside of women that doesn’t want to be “second-in-command.” It’s interesting that that was part of the curse. And just a thought about that, if that curse was “done away with in Christ” so to speak, what about the weeds and thorns in our gardens? And husbands still need to work by the sweat of their brows, women still have pain in child birth, etc. Our world is still cursed, we can’t deny that. Christ bore our curse, yes, but our eternal curse, our deserved punishment for our sins.
Many of us have probably heard of the book “Love and Respect.” It was an eye-opener for me as a newlywed, to help me see how that for a man, respect equals love. About submission, maybe some women cringe at the word, because it has been warped and twisted. It’s hard to see past that, but what to do? Can’t just make up a new word. 🙂 There are many words that are “Christianeze” as they say, that only a Christian would understand and fully appreciate. So it’s good to be aware of that as we as women talk about submitting to our husbands.
Also, it’s encouraging to keep the big picture in mind too. That the ideal situation in a marriage is the husband loving his wife “as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it” and the wife submitting to her husband “as unto the Lord.” And, yes unfortunately, many times only one spouse is doing his/her part but that’s great that they are. A wife can “win her husband without a word” and a husband’s Christ-like love can do wonders too. But it sure is beautiful and blessed when BOTH are doing what the Lord has in mind for them!
And I just wanted to add, thank you Lori for teaching us women how to practically, day-to-day do OUR part of the marriage!
Tim,
A woman is under her fathers authority until he gives her away in marriage. Then she is under her husbands authority. She should continue to show her father respect even after she is married, but after she is married, her husband becomes her head and she must defer to him first and foremost.
She is commanded to respect her husband for he is her head and her leader. She is to be subject to him in everything and obey him as Sarah obeyed Abraham.
It is no secret that there is more anger these days. Ben said “responses just angered me.” Happy Homemaker said “I remember how ANGRY many women got” and “ ‘No man is going to tell me what to do’ ….I mellowed out some once married, but the underlying thought was still there.” I’ll take the liberty to suggest that HH felt and exhibited some level of anger before her ‘Transformed Wife’ conversion.
“Be angry and sin not.” That is a command: “BE ANGRY.” But we must know that there are two kinds of anger: one that promotes God and one that promotes self. I’ll further suggest that Ben was angry without sin, for he has angry that the Word of the Lord was being trashed. And HH [pre-Transformed Wife] and the women who responded to the subject post were angry in sin; promoting self-interests and not the Word of the Lord.
Who is the model for righteous anger? God the Father. And God the Son; remember Him violently throwing the tables and cracking the whip and ‘I did not come to bring peace but swing a sword’? And that is all LOVE, for God is love. And Husbands love their wives as Christ loved the church by getting angry, when necessary, to uphold His righteousness, “bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. “
Again HH: “I mellowed out some once married, but the underlying thought was still there.” And evidently the action also: “Once I started submitting, things started to change [in the marriage conflict].” The Gen 3:16 desire to control never goes away; like sin nature and diabetes, it is managed with discipline and maturity. “All those years I was the reason he didn’t cherish me.” Yup. But consider the wonderful flip side of that coin: consider he was actually cherishing you by resisting your rebellion in some [albeit imperfect] form …as God has instructed him to do – “he shall rule.”
God cherishes His people by confronting them. He abandons those he does not love; He lets them go to waste. HH’s husband showed love by, in some form, ‘sticking to his guns” in the position of God’s deputy here on earth, holding on for law and order to be restored. He did not run; he did not leave town when lawlessness took over. That is a real man …of God.
HH, I have not seen you but I can tell you are very beautiful. You words reveal your beauty for out of the mouth comes the heart. And God looks on the heart. You have the internal beauty that Paul speaks of: you and Lori and many women that comment and read this blog. YOU are the catalyst for the healing of the church. That is your Mission. Bless you. Bless you for halting the blasphemy of the Word of the Lord.
I’ll leave you with an analogy. Automotive talk is big: each manufacturer touts performance. But who talks much of the oil that keeps those powerful engines, driving many things, from self-destructing? If women stop doing their designed task, men self-destruct. It is not good for man to be alone. It is not good for an engine to be without oil. You are their pit stop, in the home, for them to be in the gates of the city.
Women you are that important. You are the lubrication in the church; silent, precious, without glory [1 Cor 11:7] but you enable men to be glorified so that they may glorify God.
Beautiful comment, Dave, and I fully agree about HH and the many other beautiful transformed women who respond on my blog and Facebook page. Thankfully, there will always be a remnant who love the Lord and His wonderful ways.