Written By My 21 Year Old Forlorn Love Sick Self

Written By My 21 Year Old Forlorn Love Sick Self

My sister texted me some letters I had written to my mom in January of my senior year at Westmont College in 1980. She kept all of our letters! Yes, there was only snail mail back then. There were no computers, Internet, or iPhones. I will put some updated thoughts in parenthesis in this letter, but it’s funny to look back and see what my young self was feeling at this stage in life. I met my husband the next month after writing this letter. God heard the desires of my heart.

Dear Mom,

I needed to write to someone or talk to someone who I know would listen and be concerned, and I knew you were the perfect one to write to. I could feel it coming on the past few days. I’m totally bummed out today. I know exactly why I am too. I feel like I’m going to be single the rest of my life, and I don’t want to be at all. I feel frustrated at this point. It’s not because Steve (a guy I liked at the time) hasn’t made any effort to see me all week, but I don’t feel like he’s right for me any ways. God didn’t let me have him for a reason and at this point, I can see many of them. I have never felt totally at ease with him. But I guess him not pursuing me made me feel that no one ever will.

I’m 21 and don’t even see any prospects in view. I know I’m not supposed to doubt God in that area, but it looks so bleak and discouraging to me right now. It seems I’m the only girl around, of all my friends, without a boyfriend. So many times, I don’t get to be with my girlfriends because they’re going somewhere with their boyfriend. It seems there’s no chance of meeting someone at Westmont. I’ve been here almost four years, and haven’t had one guy even want to get close to me! (That isn’t really true! The guys I liked didn’t seem to like me and the guys who liked me, I didn’t like. In looking back, I see it as God’s protection over me.) I know God has His reasons, but this doesn’t make me feel any better. Lisa (my sister) has been bummed lately too. It seems only normal for us to want someone. Sometimes I feel like I could do without one but lately, I really want one. I don’t want guys to get the feeling that I’m desperate though. That turns them off. I’m not looking forward to this weekend at all. Two nights to spend not on a date. I’ve been wondering what God has in mind for me if it’s not marriage.

Lisa, Sandy (my best friend), and I are going to Good Earth tonight (our favorite health food restaurant). I’m not looking forward to it though. Later on, Sandy and I are going to a Santa Barbara high school football game. We’re supposed to try to meet kids there. That doesn’t seem to be too appealing to me, but I’m sure I will feel better if I go out and do something besides sitting around mopping, especially giving myself to others’ interests besides my own always helped. (We were involved in Young Life through college.)

I’m not especially stoked about Urbana. Maybe it’s my overall attitude about life at this point, but God seems to have opened some doors for me so I want to take the opportunity. I’m sure He’ll teach me a lot through it. I’m really praying about my attitude, and that I’ll gain some insight about future plans for me. Maybe He wants me to be a teacher in some far off land. My classes aren’t that good. They’re too late in the day to keep my interests alive. They are also very unchallenging but at least I don’t feel the pressure I’ve always felt in past semesters. I start being a student aide in an elementary school next week. Well, my math class is going to start real soon so I better close.


***UPDATE: Yes, I met my husband the next month. We hit it off immediately. I felt completely at ease with him. There were no games. I always knew where I stood with him. He liked me! It was great! We laughed all the time. He wrote me the funniest love letters and would slip them under the door at night. After graduation, I went to Florida with him to meet his family. Before I left, he asked me to marry him. We were married on December 27, 1980. It will be 43 years this December! I am so thankful that God had marriage and children in my life. We’re expecting our 17 grandchild soon. My cup is overflowing!


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