Are You a Prize to Be Won?

Are You a Prize to Be Won?

Wendy Griffith is an anchor on the 700 Club who wrote a book entitled “You are a Prize to Be Won: Don’t settle for less than God’s best.” She just recently got married at the age of 54 years old. Is this the message that women need to be taught; that they are a prize to be won? I certainly can’t find this anywhere in Scripture. A “virtuous woman” whose “price is far above rubies” (Proverbs 31:10, 11) lives a life of humility and esteems others better than herself (Philippians 2:3). She would never view herself as a “prize to be won.”

The only qualifications God asks women to consider before marrying is that they marry a believer. I like to add that they be hard workers since men are called to be the providers. But, young women, there are no perfect men just as you aren’t perfect. Thinking of yourself as a “prize to be won” may cause you to be full of pride and married a lot later than you would like to be.

We are no “prize.” We are human beings with weaknesses and struggles. Some of us have deeper sin issues and scars than others, but we are all far from perfect and expecting to be “won” since we’re a prize is bad thinking. Instead of thinking this way, think about ways to become more like Christ. Learn to be content, joyful, hard working, kind, loving, a servant, and forgive quickly. Practice not getting offended easily, not having your feelings hurt, never being manipulative or controlling, accepting others as they are, and being light in this world.

If you are a believer in Christ, yes, you are holy, righteous, and completely forgiven. Yes, you are redeemed, set apart with a brand new heart, and freed from sin. But this is all because of what Christ has done for you! Christ is the prize. He is our treasure. Yes, His Spirit works mightily within us but we won’t be perfect until we are dead, buried, and with Christ. Remind yourself who you are continually IN CHRIST. This will give you a joyful, loving, and generous spirit. This is what will attract a godly man to you.

Stop thinking that you’re some great prize that a man has to win but instead understand that you are nothing without Christ and neither is the man you may marry. Love is a choice. Marriage is a commitment for life. Yes, choose wisely and carefully (only marry a believer) but don’t have expectations so high that you consider most Christian men to be unworthy of you. Marriage with any man will take work, hard work at times, but it is so worth it.

Does God have a “best” for you? I think this is bad thinking, too, since women may marry, then decide that the man they married must not be the “best” for them since they aren’t “happy” or they are going through struggles and decide to divorce him, or they may not marry until they are much older. God’s only qualification for who you marry is that they be a believer, therefore, make sure you marry a believer and don’t expect perfection in any man. Once married, become the best help meet to your husband that you can be!

Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.
Proverbs 18:22

30 thoughts on “Are You a Prize to Be Won?

  1. I’ve never read this book so I can’t give my opinion or even quotes from her book.

    I do believe that single Christian women need to make sure the man they marry is a committed Christian and not settle for the first man that gives them attention. It’s easy to get impatient waiting for the godly man God has prepared for the Christian lady.

    I got married at 32 years of age in 1993 and it was very hard waiting for my husband to come along. I’m grateful that I did.

    So back to the title of the post of the godly woman being a “prize” to be won, perhaps prize is the wrong word for Wendy to use. Like I said earlier I have never read her book Lori so it wouldn’t be fair for me to form an opinion based on the title. I hope your day is going well so far. Have a blessed rest of your week.

  2. This is concerning to me. How do you teach humility to children? One reason I’ve had a positive marriage is that I’m so thankful for such a wonderful opportunity with a great man. I’m not fabulous in any way with many mistakes under my belt so I’m truly grateful.

    My daughter on the other hand is turning into quite “the catch”. How did you teach humility Lori especially to your two daughters? They both are beautiful, talented and raised to know God. My guess is that they didn’t make a lot of huge mistakes in their past. How did you help them to be humble and grateful so they’ make good wives?

  3. We made sure to not overemphasize their looks because we always knew that true beauty comes from within so we worked more on their behavior and thoughts. We trained them in the ways of the Lord and helped them to understand who they are in Christ. They both had a very close relationship with their dad so they didn’t need male attention, thus were not flirty. They both definitely wanted to marry and bear children and made sure to marry men who loved the Lord! The key is to have your daughters understand that they are nothing without Christ (true humility) and their value and worth comes from Him alone. This will always keep us humble and dependent upon Him.

  4. The title of a non-fiction book most often explains what the book is about (as both of my books are) and her title is plenty to write about! I have heard this type of teaching to women often enough to think it was worth addressing. I grew up hearing it but, as I wrote, I don’t think it’s biblical in any way.

  5. It sounds like Wendy Griffith is falsely teaching entitlement instead of godly contentment.
    Fortunately for us she won’t be reproducing. Her foolish entitlement theology has left her barren.

  6. Very wise words. I think there is a good balance to find in knowing it is Christ in us that makes us worthy and feeling less than. In my Christian family growing up my sisters and I were never complimented or built up. Looks or status never played and important part in our lives, which I think was a good thing, but we continually heard “don’t think more highly of yourself then you ought to” my sister and I struggle with self esteem issues. Be humble but not a doormat. Thank you for your wise words
    today … I will think on this some more.

  7. Lori, you must have read my mind. I was thinking about this problem when I read your article on Nancy Leigh de Moss Wolgemuth. She was an early proponent of this kind of awkward waiting for the right man until one’s fertility is dried up. She herself married in her twilight years.

    I wasn’t fortunate enough to marry early because I got born again at about the age of marriage and I had to wait for a fellow Christian, which took a while because I had no one to help me there (my father was not yet converted then) so I married at 25 and my husband was 27. Whereas I prayed hard for a godly husband, I was under no illusions as to my own shortcomings and I prayed just as hard that God would change me and make me worthy of such a godly man (I’m still endeavoring to deserve him).

    As homeschooling parents, we are keen that both sons and daughters marry young and marry believers. It breaks our hearts to see the children of Christian homeschoolers ageing (35 and older) at home, especially the daughters. Could this be purity turned into idolatry? Could it be a Christian form of self centered feminism? I don’t know ?‍♀️

    But in Ms Griffiths’ case, I can cheekily suggest to her that maybe, just maybe God saved many Christian brothers from the being married to her because they would have been settling for less than the best??? Ok I’ll stop it?

  8. If she had slept with men when she was a young woman but repented and turned away from doing this for many years while committing to live for Christ, then she just may be a good wife to the man that she just married. God is in the business of transforming lives and there are some women who are truly the remnant, turn from their sinful lives, and go on to live godly lives as good help meets. May this be true for Wendy. You happened to marry a woman who was most likely not truly repentant.

  9. The entitlement theology is alive and well these days, unfortunately. The only thing we are entitled to is hell and damnation but for the grace of God.

  10. It saddens me, too, to see this generation of young people not getting married young or not at all. Homeschooling parents need to be intentional about getting their children out to places where they will meet other young people. They can’t keep them isolated in their homes. There are homeschooling conventions and I know the Pearls put on conferences with the intention of young people meeting each other.

    By the way, you were still quite young when you married! At the age of 25, there’s plenty of time to have a quiverful of children if God blesses the womb.

  11. I tell parents that the greatest self-esteem booster for their children is to make sure that they know who they are in Christ; for this will never leave them even when they grow older and lose their looks!

  12. Amen. May it please the Lord to send more. Our littlest is one now so we are praying for another baby. ?? Contrary to the prevailing fallacy that if you leave the opening and closing of the womb to God, you’ll give birth every year, it doesn’t always work that way and God really does decide every conception in His own time.

  13. This might sound frivolous but don’t let your little girls watch Disney “princess” movies and don’t call them little “princesses”… EVER. Let them know that they are wretched sinners just like everyone else and that they don’t deserve ANYTHING (except eternity in hell) just because they “are”.

    Give them a LOT of chores and teach them to work hard and smart. Like the Proverbs 31 woman, if they want to be valued, it will come from (they will have to EARN IT) with how they “act” and what they “do” and the only way to act and do… is the Lord’s way.

  14. Well said Lori.

    Their true definition of settling for the “best” Christian men, is not in godly terms. American women are looking for charismatic, handsome, wealthy, must already hold a 6 figure job (but not a blue collar type of job, mind you) well educated, not too old (max 4-5 years her senior – ridiculous!) not shorter than them, or not too tall etc etc. The list of qualifications is endless, and insulting. If this wasn’t true, it would be funny.

    Not even Moses, with all the Lord did through him, could stand a chance with marriage with a western woman. This is not far from truth!

    Feminism will destroy this country just like it did to Japan.

  15. Lori,

    THANK YOU for both of your responses to Elias-I found his 2nd comment very offensive, and dare I say snarky, towards Wendy Griffith. By God’s grace and provision, I married a wonderful man who has no time for such foolishness as character assassination, especially towards women! I appreciate you giving her the benefit of the doubt and giving God the glory!

    A constant redirection towards the Gospel and Christ’s redemptive power is appreciated and needed to combat the different sin issues that we all face daily in this fallen world. Arrogance will only give a foothold to the enemy and fuel your opposition in their “Christians are hypocrites” argument.

    Thank you for your faithful instruction-you give me much to ponder with each post in addition to creating a platform for dialog with my husband and daughters!

    Blessings to you!

  16. Just a warning to about the link to the article about Wendy’s past( which isn’t any of our business btw), there a few words used that no Christian lady should ever see or use and the comments are also not good to read either as I found out too late.

    I didn’t realize that until again ( yikes!) it was too late. Just be forewarned in case any of your readers decided to read the Dalock article.

  17. I’ve been exploring the complementarian/egalitarian views for about a year and was hoping you could clarify a point from your article. You mentioned that men were to be providers for their families and I’ve heard that a lot from the complementarian belief. Can I ask Scripturally where that belief stems from? I know 1 Timothy 5:8 talks about providing for family members but it’s nestled within 13 verses that are talking about caring for widows (and Paul actually goes on to specifically address the women and instruct them to care and provide for these widows). This section of Scripture isn’t looking at relationship roles. Is there a section that I’m missing that instructs men to be providers?

  18. First off, I want to wish the new couple success. My hope is that they honor their commitment before God and strive to conform their marriage to His will as revealed through scripture.

    Secondly, I strongly oppose Wendy’s apparent teaching that women are great pearls who should hold out for the specific men God has reserved for them. Scripture only says believers must marry other believers and they must marry if they cannot remain chaste.

    Christian parents who advise their sons and daughters to hold out for college and careers while observing their adult children go through one relationship after another are a huge part of the problem. They are putting worldly materialistic goals ahead of God, for we are told to marry rather than burn in sin! Read 1 Corinthians 7.

    If Wendy and her husband managed to both remain virgins for a half century each, then that is praiseworthy. However, that is not a practical expectation for something like 99.99% of sexually mature adults.

  19. Good points. How many women seek to make their own marriage and husband “the best that they can be” today? Very few in my experience.

    I do find the Scripture about the value of finding a wife to be a tough pill to swallow since my wife of almost 30 years was definitely not a good thing, but He is God and not me, so I will follow His ways.

  20. Look at the curses God placed upon the man and the woman after they had sinned. The man’s was that he would toil in the soil all of his life in order to provide for his family. The woman’s was that she would have pain in childbirth – her life would revolve around children. And younger women are commanded to be keepers at home. They are the ones having the children and should be the ones home raising them.

  21. …Wendy’s past( which isn’t any of our business btw)

    It is exactly that attitude that allows for faithless people to plow ahead into immorality with no fear of any earthly repercussions.
    I say, Wendy’s past, shows us that her method of holding out for the perfect man, while believing herself to deserve perfection, leads to fornication, not righteousness, and her own life is a testimony to the immorality of that arrogance.

  22. You don’t have to read Wendy Griffith’s book. You can glean all you need from this video linked on Dalrock’s original post.

    So, will The Prize to be Won take her new husband’s surname?

  23. This is a very good example of something my generation terms FOBO (fear of better options). You keep wanting to “trade up” because you think you can “do better” and it seems like a great plan, until you can’t trade up anymore. Then you’ve just waited yourself out of the marriage market.

    However, I must also say, marrying someone you’re not head-over-heels in love with is also not a good idea. Feeling like you’re “settling” for your spouse is probably not a good sign.

  24. BillyS,

    God tells us to love (agape) our wives as Christ loves the church. If you look at the different places that agape is used in the Bible, you will see that it is many different things.

    1 Corinthians 13 tells us to be patient and kind; not envious or boastful: not arrogant or rude. We must not insist upon our own way; we not not be irritable or resentful; we must not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoice with the truth. We must bear all things, believe all things, hope all things, and endure all things. Truly something that we can only do in the power of the Holy Spirit.

    Ephesians 5:25-27 tells us that we are not only to give ourselves up for our wives but we are also to cleanse her by washing her in the water of the word to remove her spots and blemishes so that we might present her to ourselves (and God) holy and without blemish. God tells husbands right there that they are responsible for helping with their wives sanctification. We must hold a mirror up to our wives behaviour and teach them what the Bible says about the way they should act and live. We must teach and admonish them to maturity in Christ.

    And finally, Hebrews 6:12 tells us that God disciplines the ones that He loves. We must also discipline the ones we love when it is necessary. A very difficult thing to do in this day and age but God will provide situations for you to be able to lovingly discipline her if you pray and pay attention.

    If we want Gods blessing, we must obey Him.

    I got this wrong for the first 25 years of my marriage and suffered greatly for it. It took me 2 years (and a lot of grace from the Lord) to get things sorted out. With Gods grace it can be done and a wife can be a good thing to have in your life.

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