Authoritative Parenting is Best
Ken and I were authoritative parents. Our children knew we ran the home and they obeyed us. (I made a YouTube about how we raised them to obey us.) Many told us we were too strict but we didn’t think so. We didn’t want to raise spoiled brats so we were intentional about training, disciplining, and teaching them to obey us and clearly knowing right from wrong. We worked hard to break their stubborn rebellious will and direct it towards God’s perfect will. Now, studies have come out to prove we were right in this permissive day and age in which we live. Actually, it’s God’s Word that is right because He is clear about disciplining our children.
“Decades of research have documented that teenagers raised by authoritative parents are the ones most likely to do well at school, enjoy abundant psychological health and stay out of trouble. In contrast, adolescents with authoritarian parents (high on structure, low on warmth), indulgent parents (low on structure, high on warmth) or neglectful parents (low on both) don’t fare nearly so well.” Our children did great in school, none of them have struggled with psychological health, and none of them have ever gotten in trouble with those in authority. What does this prove? It doesn’t prove that we were perfect parents because we weren’t. It proves that God’s ways work!
God is an authoritative parent towards us. He has given us many principles that He expects for us to follow. He disciplines us for our good but He is a loving and kind Father, too. He is our greatest example of how we should parent our children since He is our Creator and is perfect in everything!
For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. (Hebrews 12:6-11)
“Chasten thy son while there is hope of guiding and keeping him in the right way, as long as corrections are or can be hoped to be of use; while in a state of infancy, childhood, and youth; while under parental government; and before habits in sin are grown strong, and the case become desperate, and he is hardened, and proof against all instruction and discipline” (Gill’s Exposition).
Spankings not done in anger and on the bottom are not abusive. Never pull your children’s hair, punch or slap them, call them names, or yell at them. We didn’t ever have to ground or have time outs with our children. No, they knew when we asked them to do something, they did it and when they were disobedient, they knew they would be punished for it. Boundaries and discipline protect children and help them to grow up into mature adults.
Too many parents seem to be afraid of their children and have fallen for the “gentle parenting” movement which should be labeled the “permissive parenting” movement from what I have seen. “Unfortunately, many children today don’t receive the benefits of the balanced, authoritative approach to parenting because society has convinced parents that such an approach is abusive and damaging to a child’s self-esteem. Instead, parents have been told to reason with their child, get the child’s opinion in every matter, and above all, be their child’s friend.”
We didn’t worry about building self-esteem into our children. We wanted them to know who they were in Christ and how much He valued them. This is what builds security and worth into children because it doesn’t come from what they do, what they look like, or who they are but who God is and what He has done for them.
Remember, the wisdom of this world is foolishness to God. Stop listening to the latest professional’s advice on child rearing. I just saw a study by the “professionals” of this world that said that spankings and authoritative parenting causes mental harm! This is utter nonsense because we must trust God’s opinions over man’s. Go back to the Word of God and do as He has commanded you to do. Love your children deeply enough to discipline and train them in the ways of godliness.
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,
but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.
Proverbs 22:15
11 thoughts on “Authoritative Parenting is Best”
Amen! Michael & Debi Pearl with their book entitled “Train up a child” was a great aid to us when we were disciplining our four children. Thanks, Lori, for the constant encouragement!
Good post! I remember having to cut a switch for my grandma when we lived with her for 5 years. She would always remind me that God’s word said: Spare the rod and spoil the child. Before she died some time ago,well along time ago…she apologized. I told her not to,she did what the word told her to do. I told her that I might have needed discipline even more,because I did rebel when I went to live with my father. Who never disciplined….. anyway to make a long story short,I wasn’t big on spankings but there were always consequences to bad behavior….My children serve the Lord and bring up there children in the fear and admonition of the Lord.
You’re welcome, Holly. We didn’t have that book when we were raising our children but I did read it about 10 years ago and told Ken that this was exactly how we raised our children!
Actually, there is no Bible verse that states “spare the rod and spoil the child.” The closest one to it is this one: “He who withholds his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him diligently.” (Prov. 13:24)
I have had friends who didn’t spank and the majority of their children grew up and went through a rebellious stage. Only one of my friends had children who didn’t but raising children for her was exhausting. A couple of good, hard swats on the behind accomplish discipline quickly and effectively.
“Spare the rod and spoil the child” is actually from a poem written by Samuel Butler in 1675 or thereabouts. It is satire.
Here in New Zealand it is illegal to use physical punishment to discipline children so, like it or not, parents have to find other methods. I agree that authoritarian parenting is best, but that does not have to involve spanking. Consistency and consequences are key to authoritarian parenting.
Spanking children has been used for thousands of centuries and children are more disrespectful and disobedient now that they aren’t spanked. I prefer to believe the Bible on this one rather than a godless government!
Me and my husband were very authoritative with our children, too. Because of this, they were always respectful and therefore, rarely had to be punished. Six of my nine children have already started their own families, and they too are strict when necessary. There is nothing wrong with this, even though the liberals will tell you there is. And I’m happy to say that because my children are firm, my grandchildren obey them very well.
The problem is, Lori, that if we spank our children when it’s illegal, they get taken off us.
Despite the fact that more than 90% of people wanted the law changed to allow spanking again (we had a referendum) the voices of the people were ignored. It doesn’t matter what our personal beliefs are – we must obey the law, or our children are taken. If they get taken, we have no control of the environment they are put into while we fight to get them back. Many children have been sexually abused while under state care. They could be exposed to potentially all sorts of things.
Going against the law and spanking them just isn’t worth the risk, no matter how effective a discipline tool it might be.
I understand this and it’s sad. I would never encourage anyone to break the law of their land. I’m amazed that 90% of the people wanted to be able to spank again. They most likely understand how effective it is as a tool to make children obey.
California voted, not too long ago, against gay marriage but the government overruled the people. This earth is not our home, thankfully.
Everyone enjoys being around obedient children, Russanne. There are so many children that aren’t anymore and it makes it miserable to be a teacher, coach, etc. This is probably why so many don’t want children today, however, if they are disciplined properly, they are a joy to be around like your children and grandchildren.
Great blog on authoritative parenting! Balancing warmth with clear boundaries is so crucial. For more valuable insights, I recommend checking out ‘Make My Kid a Star’ for additional helpful content!