Ken and I were authoritative parents. Our children knew we ran the home and they obeyed us. (I made a YouTube about how we raised them to obey us.) Many told us we were too strict but we didn’t think so. We didn’t want to raise spoiled brats so we were intentional about training, disciplining, and teaching them to obey us and clearly knowing right from wrong. We worked hard to break their stubborn rebellious will and direct it towards God’s perfect will. Now, studies have come out to prove we were right in this permissive day and age in which we live. Actually, it’s God’s Word that is right because He is clear about disciplining our children.
“Decades of research have documented that teenagers raised by authoritative parents are the ones most likely to do well at school, enjoy abundant psychological health and stay out of trouble. In contrast, adolescents with authoritarian parents (high on structure, low on warmth), indulgent parents (low on structure, high on warmth) or neglectful parents (low on both) don’t fare nearly so well.” Our children did great in school, none of them have struggled with psychological health, and none of them have ever gotten in trouble with those in authority. What does this prove? It doesn’t prove that we were perfect parents because we weren’t. It proves that God’s ways work!
God is an authoritative parent towards us. He has given us many principles that He expects for us to follow. He disciplines us for our good but He is a loving and kind Father, too. He is our greatest example of how we should parent our children since He is our Creator and is perfect in everything!
For whom the Lord loveth he chasteneth, and scourgeth every son whom he receiveth. If ye endure chastening, God dealeth with you as with sons; for what son is he whom the father chasteneth not? But if ye be without chastisement, whereof all are partakers, then are ye bastards, and not sons. Furthermore we have had fathers of our flesh which corrected us, and we gave them reverence: shall we not much rather be in subjection unto the Father of spirits, and live? For they verily for a few days chastened us after their own pleasure; but he for our profit, that we might be partakers of his holiness. Now no chastening for the present seemeth to be joyous, but grievous: nevertheless afterward it yieldeth the peaceable fruit of righteousness unto them which are exercised thereby. (Hebrews 12:6-11)
“Chasten thy son while there is hope of guiding and keeping him in the right way, as long as corrections are or can be hoped to be of use; while in a state of infancy, childhood, and youth; while under parental government; and before habits in sin are grown strong, and the case become desperate, and he is hardened, and proof against all instruction and discipline” (Gill’s Exposition).
Spankings not done in anger and on the bottom are not abusive. Never pull your children’s hair, punch or slap them, call them names, or yell at them. We didn’t ever have to ground or have time outs with our children. No, they knew when we asked them to do something, they did it and when they were disobedient, they knew they would be punished for it. Boundaries and discipline protect children and help them to grow up into mature adults.
Too many parents seem to be afraid of their children and have fallen for the “gentle parenting” movement which should be labeled the “permissive parenting” movement from what I have seen. “Unfortunately, many children today don’t receive the benefits of the balanced, authoritative approach to parenting because society has convinced parents that such an approach is abusive and damaging to a child’s self-esteem. Instead, parents have been told to reason with their child, get the child’s opinion in every matter, and above all, be their child’s friend.”
We didn’t worry about building self-esteem into our children. We wanted them to know who they were in Christ and how much He valued them. This is what builds security and worth into children because it doesn’t come from what they do, what they look like, or who they are but who God is and what He has done for them.
Remember, the wisdom of this world is foolishness to God. Stop listening to the latest professional’s advice on child rearing. I just saw a study by the “professionals” of this world that said that spankings and authoritative parenting causes mental harm! This is utter nonsense because we must trust God’s opinions over man’s. Go back to the Word of God and do as He has commanded you to do. Love your children deeply enough to discipline and train them in the ways of godliness.
Folly is bound up in the heart of a child,
but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.