Counsel When Married to a Difficult Wife

Counsel When Married to a Difficult Wife

Written by Ken

Lori’s ministry is very broad and across many platforms speaking truth to Christian women in a day when most pastors and prominent women who teach the Bible refuse to teach what God has commanded in Titus 2. The fruit of her ministry has been outstanding with many lives and marriages changed. Every week, we see more testimonies of God’s powerful work in the lives of believers who are willing to choose to do things God’s ways even in the midst of great difficulties.

I too am involved in ministering to the men who come to TTW page and long to have a wife who is willing to live out Titus 2 in loving her husband and family and focused on the priority of the home in raising the next generation of godly offspring. If you are wondering what I am telling these men who mostly come with broken and often times hopeless hearts, read on, and here is a letter I received today which is edited for brevity’s sake:

“I stumbled across your spouse’s Instagram page. I reached out on a particularly bleak day as far as marital outlook goes, and she was kind enough to suggest that I reach out to you. I want to thank you in advance for receiving this email as I recognize that receiving anyone else’s troubles or offering guidance takes energy, investment, and is a labor of love.

“I could not and would not summarize my entire marital situation for you, but I have been married for about 12 years. I married a young woman who I knew was contentious and I accepted that as readily, as I accepted many of my own poor youthful behaviors when we were first married. She was not a believer when we first married. Fast forward several years of infrequent church attendance and studying the scriptures without always living it out, and we found ourselves in dire straits.”

You get the point, and I will not expose the details of a broken marriage headed for divorce. But here is what I wrote to him, and I believe this should apply to both husbands and wives who are seeking a godly resolution to messed up marriages:

No problem at all reaching out to me. We pray every morning for the Lord to use us in helping others and growing His Kingdom.

Here is what my spirit is telling me to tell you. It is not unlike what I did, and what I have counseled many men to do. Although our wives may be the ones being difficult and unsubmissive, God wants to use them in our lives to conform us to the image of Christ.

Consider going to your wife and saying something like, “I know God is using you to make me more like Jesus. I have things in my life that I do to you that I should not, and things that I need to rid my life of for the sake of Christ Jesus. I am not asking you to change anything right now, as that must be between you and the Lord, but will you work with me the next two months to help me see clearly my sins and where I need to change so that I can become the New Creature in Christ that God has made me to be?”

It is often in changing ourselves first that models for our wife what godly change should look like. It is leadership on pour part to show the way.

Attached is an article I have written, and it has been successful in helping marriages think and act “Outside the Box” they are in. See if you can read this together a few pages at a time and talk about it in terms of what you need to do and change” not what she needs changing. Let the Holy Spirit work on her as He is far more convicting and a catalyst for change than we can ever be.

There are just two passages of the Scriptures necessary to have a great marriage and neither speak of the roles of husband and wife. These flow naturally if you two would choose to “do all things Christian” in your marriage even when the other is not. The passages are the fruit of the Spirit passage of Galatians 5:22-23:

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”

Also, the love passage of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7:

“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

Can you go to your wife and apologize for not putting on Christ in your life and for the times you have not acted like a Christian towards her? Can you ask for her help in learning to be the husband that you need to be so that you can become the husband of her dreams? In doing so, you may find the opening you need by your own good proof of your salvation to watch and see what the Spirit of God may do for her life.

Just think about this. Jesus was perfect, and yet what did He do? He gave His life in serving and sacrifice to a sinful world that put him to death. And we are to think that we are not to have the same love and sacrifice for our difficult and impossible wives? Of course we are, and in doing so, we are leading her to where she needs to go and even if she never changes, we are doing what God has asked of us – “to walk in newness of life” no matter what trials we face in this life.

So will you decide its time for you to change and “do all things Christian” in your home and marriage? Study up on what it means to live out a New Life in Christ by listening to Romans 6 and 8 over and over again from Michael Pearl. Listen with her if you can. Become the joy-filled, loving, and compassionate husband she wants and God wants you to be, then see if she does not want to start on this journey to righteousness and New Life too.

You are in our prayers!

Here is his response:

“It was my joy to receive this terrific response a few hours later proving that I am talking to a genuine believer. ‘Will you too Christian take on the challenge to walk in the New Life God has given to you by doing all things Christian in your home? How can we expect God to bless us and our marriages if we won’t be the first to step out in faith and take our eyes off of our spouse and put them on Jesus alone. To walk as He has shown us to walk in the midst of persecution, difficulties and troubles.’

“This is the most godly counsel that I have received, and I appreciate you redirecting me back to my sin and where I have gone wrong. Even knowing in a general sense that God uses all things to sanctify us, I had selfishly not considered that perhaps the Lord would use even this trial to make me more like Christ.

“I have a lot to reflect on, and I am thankful to have your advice and articles and to be in your prayers. I’ve begun listening to Romans as you suggested. I sent her a condemning text message just prior to receiving your email, and I almost followed on with more condemnation when she did not respond positively and instead, I turned to what you recommended and confessed where I have not succeeded as a husband. I gave her the opportunity to refine me further even though my pride kills me.

“Thank you both deeply.”

Comments are closed.