Written by Gabriel Hudelson on X

We are moving into the holiday season, and it’s time for the Hallmark holiday specials. My wife and I just endured one of Hallmark’s recent productions, and it left me convinced that the Hallmark Channel specializes in producing poison packaged especially for women.

Here are some of the themes that I noticed in the film that I just watched and have seen in other Hallmark films over the years: The men are made in the image of a woman. The male characters in these films often wear masculinity like a cosplay outfit. They are, of course, super hot. Roguishly good-looking. Charming to the max. Physically fit. They are chivalrous and protective of women. They are well off financially. They’re concerned about the welfare of the heroine but never so concerned as to come off as controlling. It’s just cute. They are always… ALWAYS… very supportive of her dreams. (At least by the end of the film.)

And that’s the point. The masculinity that they represent is very safe and female-coded. The hard edges are gone. The authority is gone. The assertiveness is gone (except when it’s protective or romantic swoon). This even affects the proposals, instead of the man proposing and the woman accepting, the man proposes (hopefully), the woman has some sort of emotional hang-up and doesn’t say yes, and then comes back later and effectively proposes to him. And, of course, he accepts, because he is desperately in love with her.

Her emotions are sovereign in the story, and she is the north star in his life. The men in these films are helpers suitable to the female lead character. And not the other way around. The women are always right.

In the particular film that my wife and I recently watched, the heroine is a divorced woman. Why did she get a divorce? Well, she really felt loved by her husband at first. But as time went on in the marriage, she realized that she was doing things for him, and he wasn’t doing things for her. It sounded like a TikTok divorce brag. It maps directly onto the divorce culture of today. She didn’t do anything wrong. He’s a toxic man. She’s finally free to discover what she needs for her own happiness. She’s worth it.

Of course, in the film, he does indeed prove to be a terribly manipulative jerk. And there are men out there who are manipulative jerks. Nevertheless, the partiality towards women rings clearly through. It played like a movie designed specifically to comfort divorced women and reaffirm them that they made the right choice when they abandoned their marriage covenant because he wasn’t making them feel happy anymore.

A good man is a man who orients his entire life around what makes the heroine happy. He is there to protect her and to care for her, but only in exactly the ways that she wants him to. He supports her in her dreams, and would never expect her to follow him into his. He loves her and he’s completely devoted to her, but is totally fine with a platonic relationship if that’s how she wants it.

And we know that this relationship won’t end up in divorce and that she will never end up feeling tired of him because it is “true love” and they will certainly continue on in blissful puppy love forever. The stars said so. Ironically, this is lying to women about what will actually make them happy. The simping sycophant will leave them, in the end, feeling disgusted with the man that they’re trapped with.

Humans weren’t made to be worshiped, and while worship feels good for a while it eventually destroys us. The charming man who makes every woman in the movie swoon will, in a couple of years, be the safe and boring husband, who is still being house trained, or he’ll be finding other women to charm. And in a few more years, he will be the ex. Again. Because the compass for both of them is her emotions, and that is a terrible compass.

She would be much happier with a man who has a mission in life that transcends pleasing her. A man who genuinely cares for her, but who is calling her to follow him on his mission. A man who will get in her way and tell her no when her emotions are leading her astray, or she wants something that is not good for her. A man who is not content with an indefinite platonic relationship. You know, a real man.

None of this even touches on the more obvious stuff like the heavy-handed interest in astrology, or the fact that the lead couple was living together before marriage. The particular film that we watched was based on a pretty good premise:a knight from the middle ages is frozen in time and then brought back to life in the modern day. But you could not script it better to demonstrate the perfect cocktail of modern values with old charming traditions.

They kept just enough of the old knightly ways to make every woman in the audience smile, and yet this supposedly medieval knight is perfectly content to shack up with and eventually marry a divorced woman, and is completely driven by the idea of being “in love.“ No honor, no greater mission or purpose, courage when it’s convenient for the women in the story, but not courage to stand up to the women in the story. It is a gutted skin suit of chivalric glory.

He is even conscience-stricken at one point that by choosing not to marry his betrothed, he put his family through hardship and failed to do his duty. Yet the lesson? It’s that he should’ve followed his heart and his emotions, not that he should’ve been a man of duty and honor.

When he asked to court her, he starts off by saying that traditionally he should ask her father. But another woman in the modern world told him that that’s not how to do it anymore. Just like that, all of his medieval traditions that aren’t compatible with feminism he happily jettisons so that he can please the women around him.

Meanwhile, the woman in her late 30s is affirmed that she made the right decision by divorcing the man that wasn’t making her feel loved anymore, and is promised that fate and the stars will bring her true love, one who will support her in her pursuit of her dreams and will charm her twenty-four seven.

This corresponds, by the way, to the appeal of AI boyfriends. A boyfriend who will simply be there for you, always supportive, always adoring, meeting your every emotional need. A man made in the image of woman. A great big glorious falsehood. Thus they spent their days looking at the beautiful painting of a glorious feast, and thus they died of starvation. It’s a pack of pretty lies, thoroughly wrapped up in “sweet” scene after “sweet” scene that is perfectly calibrated to make the women in the audience smile. Husbands, dads, be paying attention to the influences in your wives and daughters lives.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.
Philippians 4:8

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