How Does Marriage Benefit Her?

How Does Marriage Benefit Her?

“As a woman, how exactly does marriage benefit me? I’m not trying to argue; it’s my honest response. I have a degree and a salary and I’m being called to give that up to take care and clean up after someone all the while letting him lord me in any way he pleases. I have my own apartment, paid off car, retirement plan, health insurance, etc. and I’m being told that giving all of that up is more beneficial for a woman than a man. I’m really sorry but I’m honestly looking for answers to this. I want to be convinced of how marriage will be financially better for me if it’s going to financially ruin men.”

This was recently asked on an old post of mine called Men Giving Up on Marriage. I will tell you how marriage will benefit you, Carolyn. When you marry a godly, hard-working man, you won’t need a degree and a salary. He will be the one out in the world working hard to provide for you while you get to be in your own home and hopefully with your precious children. Instead of working for a boss every day and submitting to his will, you will have the privilege of making your husband’s life better and submitting to him; you know, the one you chose to love until death do you part.

You will most likely live in a home, have a car or two, a retirement plan, and health insurance because of your husband’s hard work for you and your family. You may have some children by your husband, if the Lord blesses you with them, that you can be home to watch their first smile, snuggle, and laugh with them, clap when they take their first step, and all of the other many wonderful blessings that come with having children. These children will be blessed to have a father who loves them deeply and is involved with their lives.

You will get to live by your own schedule instead of your boss’ schedule. If it’s a pretty day out, you can take your children to the park. If you’re sick, you can rest on the couch while the children play around you. If you get real sick with a brain tumor like I did, your husband will sit by your side in the ER making sure you are being well cared for.

You can meet a friend for coffee and help those in need since you’ll be more available. You’ll have plenty of time and energy to go shopping, cook healthy meals from scratch, and keep your home clean and tidy. You will teach your children all of the wonderful ways of the Lord and watch them grow in the wisdom and knowledge of Him. There is NO greater joy than to see your children walk in truth.

You’ll have a man around to help you with things that you are unable to do. He can carry and move things that are too heavy for you. He can fix things that you are simply unable to fix. He will protect you since he is much stronger than you. If an intruder were to come into your home, he would be the one to go after him. He will help you to see when you are being deceived by someone since men are usually not as easily deceived as women. There’s no way you would ever want to divorce this man even though he won’t be perfect because neither are you!

You’ll watch your children grow up and get married. Oh, the weddings are so much fun and a time for great celebration! Marriage is God’s perfect design for us and He is our Creator! One of my sons-in-law was an officiant at a wedding this past weekend and this is what he said to the bride and groom during the wedding:

“Most days of your marriage are going to look, on the surface, rather mundane… But I want you to see what’s under the surface. Something far from mundane. Rather a bold and courageous defiance against an enemy that wants you to feel doubt and discontentment. A defiance against a prevailing misunderstanding that God’s plan for marriage doesn’t work anymore. Under the surface, your faithful obedience is resounding with the majesty and glory of God’s truth. Let this truth surface as often as you can. Let the world see the profound power of the type of love that can come only from the God of the Bible. This is gospel-centered love, in a gospel-centered marriage. This is covenant love.”

When your last child is married off to a godly man with this gospel-centered marriage and covenant love, you will rejoice! These married couples will become close friends of yours and family times will be your most favorite thing in the world to experience. When they’re all gathered around the table together with you, you will have tears rolling down your cheeks as you praise God for His many blessings.

You won’t grow older alone. The grandchildren will come over and it will be like having children all over again! They’ll tell you that you’re the best grandma ever and want to cuddle with you on your chair. They will make you laugh and you’ll have the joy of children in your life. You’ll take them on walks with you, color with them, watch them play outside, and read to them.

In your old age and near death, your children, grandchildren, and maybe great grandchildren will come to visit you on your sickbed. They will tell you how much you’ve meant in their lives. They will thank you for pouring your life into their’s. They will hug and kiss you each time they leave and you will feel God’s blessings raining down on you as your prepare to meet your Savior face-to-face.

There’s so much joy living life according to God’s plan. Having a husband to love and care for is not a burden but a blessing. As you pour your life into him and grow old with him by your side, you will rejoice that the Lord has been so good to you. It’s His blessings that are far superior to man’s blessings. His blessings are husbands, children, family, friends, and everything that is eternal. Nothing man has made including money can compare with this. I pray the Lord opens your eyes to the truth and beauty of His perfect ways, Carolyn.

House and riches are the inheritance of fathers: and a prudent wife is from the LORD.
Proverbs 19:14

45 thoughts on “How Does Marriage Benefit Her?

  1. Lori, did you happen to wonder if this lady was asking the wrong question? That was my first thought. Perhaps women need to focus more on how they can serve and please their husbands as unto the Lord instead of wondering how marriage will benefit them. We find our lives in serving the Lord and others.

    By the way, that statement you quoted from your son-in-law is beautiful. Sadly, too many women grow too quickly bored with the “mundane” and fall for Satan’s lie that something better is out there for them and that they deserve it, owe it to themselves to be happy, life is too short, etc.

  2. Having a career and making it on your own may sound great when you’re young, energetic, healthy, and optimistic. But a life alone is very lonely. Who will be there when you get old? Who will care for you when you’re sick? Who will carry on your legacy into the future, after you are gone? Marriage is a good investment, even from just the perspective of your lifetime. Your life will be richer and happier if you have a family to be there for you.

    And what will your life be invested in if you remain single and pursue a career? A company that may or may not survive long term? A position that could have been filled anyone? All of that will burn one day. Only human souls and their love for one another and for God will last forever. Invest in people. When you marry and have children, you make new little souls who will spend forever in heaven with God and with you. If you want a big impact and for your life to make a difference, there’s no better or more lasting way to do it.

  3. When I married my husband I’d already been a school teacher for 5 years and I continued to work after marriage. As I was growing up I thought enlightened women were supposed to have careers. I had enough of teaching and was finally able to quit. I became a housewife and far prefer this life. As to the comment “being called to give that up to take care and clean up after someone all while letting him lord me in any way he pleases”, why in the world would you marry someone who is going to lord it over you in any that he pleases? That sounds abusive. Wouldn’t you marry someone that you love and he loves you?

    As a housewife, my job is to care for the home and those who live here. I have not always been as supportive and submissive as I should have been, but I am learning. In the end, choose your husband wisely. Being submissive to a good man is easy. (Most of the time. LOL) We are to be submissive to our husbands anyway but if you aren’t married yet pick a good one. And you be a good wife to that husband.

  4. Lady Virtue: This woman is not asking the wrong question if this is what she needs answered. I am currently asking the same question after giving up my career to marry and devoting myself to my family for the past 14 years. I’m struggling with deciding if I will return to college or continue to be a full time support at home. I want to know what the Lord wants of me – where to go, what to do — if anything. Trying to stay out of my own way and not submitting to personal feelings of “mundane”, “inadequacy” and/or feeling invisible/nonproductive/unimportant has been an ongoing struggle for me.

    I can appreciate this woman and the question she asked. I also appreciate the answer provided here.

    I wish I could feel fulfilled, happy and vital staying at home all the time. But I don’t. I pray daily for the answer – His answer – for my life.

  5. Lori,

    You started Carolyn at the finish. Look waaaaaaay down the road. What do you want to see? Hear?

    Me? I just wanted to know it was worth it, and it was!


  6. Yes, the lesson at the marriage altar was spectacular. “Your faithful obedience is resounding with the majesty and glory of God’s Truth.” Excellent!


  7. You will also have someone to touch you. I have a single friend who generally is not a hugger. The other day I was surprised and saddened to hear how much it hurts her to go months without being touched. I thought of all the snuggles I get from my husband and children on a daily, sometimes hourly basis and was grateful for them. I often think about her growing old alone. She is in her forties now and unless she finds a husband really quick she may not ever have children. Aging alone would not be a choice I would make on purpose.

    Also I would say that unless you are an entrepreneur you are most likely loosely attached to a man (your boss or bosses boss) and called to serve him and his cause every day without the benefit of love and commitment. That freedom Lori mentioned in the article is so true. Going out to enjoy a beautiful day without having to make excuses to anyone is true freedom. I can also start a home based business if I like without worrying that l go hungry if it fails. Being married to a Godly man is really quite wonderful!

  8. Don’t be deceived by your feelings of your days being “invisible/nonproductive/unimportant“. I don’t know what causes you to think that you may be missing out on something better or that possibly God didn’t give women the whole truth of their roles in scripture. But your work as a mother is vital to the world and kingdom of God. Also you are the only woman qualified. Anybody can fill the roll of school teacher, nurse, accountant, but only you can make a huge impact on the world for good by being a great wife to your husband and mother to your children. God cares about human souls. All the buildings and inventions to make life “better/easier” etc. God can do with a Word. The cattle on a thousand hills are already his. He cares about his Kingdom and wants His children focused there. The way He set up our relationships is that we best influence each other by service. We will best influence our families through service to them.

    You have been blessed with a high calling that not every woman gets (I know I went through years of infertility and loss). Don’t let the world that will burn up and the souls that will spend eternity apart from God lie to you and tell you that you are missing out and that your work is unimportant.

  9. He has promised me he would give me the entire speech so I wait patiently for it, Kelley! My daughter told us a bit about it a few days before the wedding and we could tell it was going to be amazing. When he read it to my daughter (his wife) privately before the wedding, he told her, “I love being married!”

    I pray daily for my children’s marriage and their children. I praise the Lord that stronger is He who is in us than he who is in the world, therefore, we have nothing to fear!

  10. Amen, M, and a great book for anyone struggling to be home full time and raise children is “The Way Home.” We are going to be going through it in the chat room beginning this week. Women who think it’s better “out there” have been lied to by the feminist movement and the enemy of their soul. The women “out there” are in bondage to their bosses, time schedule, paycheck, taxes, etc. It’s not the freedom that was promised them.

  11. Amen, Lindsay! Anyone can replace a woman at a job and when she leaves, no one will even remember her in a few months or years. The same can’t be said of a godly, loving wife and mother. The impact she makes upon her husband, children, and grandchildren will be remembered by them until they die since no one can take her place in their lives.

  12. I appreciate this post as well!

    Our society is funny and sad too… if you’re a nurse, laundromat owner, chef, painter, daycare provider, teacher, garbage man, interior decorator, baker, taxi driver, anything really… you’re not looked down on. But if you’re all of these (a mother) that’s somehow inferior. 🙂 So I could work at a daycare, and I’d be reasonably “respected.” But when I choose to take care of my own children at home, that’s inferior? 🙂 What gives?

    I have not met a single grandmother who hates having grandchildren. It’s “We have five grandchildren, and another one on the way!”
    I’m far from being a grandmother yet, but I already see so much fruit from this “boring” and “inferior” kind of life. 🙂

    “Children are a heritage from the Lord, and the fruit of the womb is his reward.” Ps. 127:3

  13. Being submissive takes a strong woman not a weak-willed woman because we are giving up our selfish desires and wants and allowing our husbands to be head over us and submit to their leadership as unto the Lord. This is what the Lord calls us to do and when obeyed, there is most likely going to be peace in the home since there can never be two leaders. Unbelievers can’t fathom this. They can’t fathom giving up their stubborn will and obeying the Lord, not knowing that His ways are perfect for us.

  14. It sure is worth it, Kelley. I turn 60 years old in a few months and there’s nothing I would have rather done with my life than be a wife, mother, and now a grandmother. There are so many joys that come with this!

    My own mother is nearing her time when she will see Jesus at 87 years old but continues to get tears in her eyes as she watches her great grandchildren play in her home when we’re there visiting her. They will all come up and give her a hug and kiss. She finds so much joy in them!

  15. Lori,
    Your words about a husband staying with you in the hospital are perfect for me today. I’m in the hospital miscarrying my third baby. I’m in so much physical and emotional pain and through everything my husband has made sure I’m taken care of. He hasn’t left my side all day more than absolutely necessary and knowing him the way I do, I know he won’t until I’m doing better. The benefits of being married to this man are too numerous to even begin to list. Even in a world where the unfortunate pervading attitude is “what’s in it for me,” I can’t imagine someone not seeing the benefits of being married to a person who loves them.

  16. I agree with everything mentioned as benefits! Who wouldn’t want that??

    Also, I always mention the physical aspect of it. Just as in sickness, who wants to be out of the home on their “days of the month”? Who would want to be out hidden behind a desk (we have personally seen this), or in the bathroom pumping milk because they are away from their babies? Who would want to blindly leave their sweet children with a stranger, just because it’s socially accepted, not knowing what is really happening to them? Or what happens when they get sick? And, how can you eat healthy foods if you don’t have time to grow them or even cook them? Overall, staying home is the best and most obvious way to live a better life. There is no question about it.

  17. Yes, touch is so vital to our emotional and mental health. This is why dogs are brought to older people and many people have an obsession with animals now. It seems they prefer animals over human beings, but unfortunately, but no one can take the place of a human being in one’s life, especially a husband or children.

  18. This world is not our home. We are on the narrow path that leads to life. Most are blinded to truth by the enemy of their souls. We are called to be salt and light to those around us and one way we do this is by living in obedience to Christ. You are blessed, ContentWife, and so is your family!

  19. I am so sorry, Taylor. I miscarried my first and my husband was right by my side, too, helping me and mourning with me. Yes, being married until death do us part is God’s perfect plan for us and with His plan comes many blessings!

    I will pray you heal quickly and that the Lord may bless your womb again quickly. A very close relative of mine just miscarried her second baby last week so it was hard on all of us.

  20. Amen, Gabrielle. I worked full time with my first baby and I spent every break bumping my breasts in the bathroom and thought how unnatural is this for me to be away from my baby. Those were the two toughest years of my life but most of us were never taught the value of a mother at home right from the start. Our culture and even the Church, sadly, teach the opposite and everyone suffers.

  21. You have put that so beautifully Lori, thank you for your lovely response it really blessed me!?I love that my delightful Hubby is God’s head over me.?Does Antony always get it right? No, however that is okay, we are all growing and learning in life. I still feel so protected and blessed of God; His ways are so much better than ours.???

  22. How does it benefit? Simple: life or death; Heaven or Hell. Carolyn has gained the whole world but lost her soul. She is measuring it all without the word of God, which she is noticeably blaspheming per Titus 2.

    But, she has the choice to choose death. God says He has set that in front of her also.

  23. Yes, we all have a choice to obey the Lord or not and many choose to disobey since they think it’s the easy way but in the end, it’s terrible and horrific unless they repent in believe in the Savior of their soul. We are told that if we love Him, we will obey Him.

  24. I agree, the term ‘lording over you’ carries many negative connotations. I understand and agree with what is meant. Just not the best choice of wording. Wonderful post otherwise. Some women find it harder to submit because they can’t see the benefits lined out for them. Just saying the difference is heaven or hell isn’t descriptive enough. It’s nice to see things sometimes broken down point by point so you can see more clearly. Especially if she is in a more difficult marriage and is discouraged and depressed.

  25. She isn’t married. She doesn’t want to be married because she sees no benefit to it. This is what women today are being told. They don’t need a man. Marriage is “bondage” and these are completely contrary to God’s Word since He is the One who created marriage!

  26. Sometimes it’s hard to see the road ahead until a light is shined to show the way.

  27. The most amazing benefit of my marriage is that I married my best friend. I married someone to journey through life with. I have someone to laugh with, to cry with, to make love with, to sleep next to, to wake up in the morning next to. I have someone to drink coffee with, to walk the gardens with & to play with. I have someone to comfort me and that I can comfort. I have someone to come home to and to go on adventures with. I have someone to suppprt me and that I can support. I have someone that encourages me, loves me unconditionally and sees me for who I am, not who he thinks I should be. I have someone who I study with, I have someone who cheers me onc lifts me up and listens to my dreams. I have someone who helps me & cherishes me. There is nothing better than walking hand in hand through life with your best friend. I’m glad I picked him & he picked me and I look forward to growing old with him.

  28. This woman sounds as though she has never been in love.

    If you’ve made it so far in life and never have been in love (love meaning sacrifice, lay-down-your-life love) then I don’t think there’s anything that Lori or anyone anywhere of any ideology or religion (from Buddhism to Oprah) can say.

    There’s not a lot of places to go if you have never felt self-sacrificial love for another human being.

    In this case, my advice is Don’t Get Married.

    We wouldn’t want a man who may have the ability to feel genuine love to get into a financial contract with a woman who is unable to understand human relationships.

    If you have to ask the question, maybe the answer isn’t for you.

    The word that is jumping to my mind after reading this email is ‘Aspergers.’

    Even in my most liberal ‘planned parenthood is good for women’ days I had crushes on boys and envisioned family and kids.

    If a woman has never experienced those desires then I say don’t worry about any of this.

  29. A non-religious viewpoint that may be better for the writer of the comment…

    A biologically and neurologically whole human female will feel crushes upon the opposite sex. These desires come from a primal urge to reproduce.

    A crush and the urge to reproduce then lead to the urge for self-sacrifice…both in acquiring a mate and for ones offspring. Aka ‘You will do anything for the ones you love.’

    So when a female feels love for a male that she has chosen as the father of her offspring she will attempt to Keep Him in order to have a guardian over her and said offspring. Keeping him in this modern age leads to ‘Worrying about the Health of your Relationship.’ ‘Trying to have a good marriage’ and other self-help books.

    And from that stems all the stuff we talk about here.

    If a female has none of those urges…if she has no desire to mate-guard, to ensure the happiness of her mate so that he will stay and continue guarding her and the children etc etc…

    Well then…that female won’t care about marriage or much of anything in regards to her reproductive fitness.

    As a result, said female will have car, apartment, boyfriends but most likely few if any kids.

    This is just evolution 101. There’s not even anything religious or Christian to discuss at this point.

    We’re dealing with the fact that a female is missing basic instincts towards ensuring the reproductive health of her offspring and that’s not a religious problem.

  30. I think that only once you have submitted to your husband through Christ that you can really understand the benefits of a Christian marriage.

    Everything that you say is so very true, but I think it is difficult for a non believer to grasp just how true and wonderful it is to follow the Lords way.

  31. Just as real food is life-giving to our bodies, so real relationships are life-giving to both our bodies and our inner beings. The effects of junk food on the body aren’t usually seen until much later.

    Don’t evaluate the benefits of marriage based on the lives of the young. Go visit a nursing home. Find the ones who are most “alive” in terms of pleasant and making the best of their situation. Start asking them about their lives. Undoubtedly, a common thread will be deep relationships and deep giving / serving in those relationships. Then go find the ones who persued careers and money, but had no time for family, and who now have no one who visits them. The contrast will grip your heart.

    Not every person will marry. But every elderly person who looks back on life with satisfaction and fulfillment, does so because they lived life investing deeply in the people around them, not out of an attitude of “how will it benefit me?”

    So eat those Twinkies and follow relentlessly after that career. Just realize that both bring satisfaction only now, and regret later on. Or, begin to live life with a bigger vision.

  32. Dear Lori,

    thank you so much for those wonderful words.

    I am, though christened,what you would call a non-believer as I don’t practise religion; however I try to at least practise and instill christian values into my children as loving and serving others is a trait everybody should treat with priority.

    I have been a silent reader for a long time, however this post has urged me to comment and thank you as it has inspired me to once again be grateful for my wonderful husband who works so hard to provide for our family.

    Your words truly humble me so much and whenever I lack appreciation for my great family and life and have read one of your articles, I always strive to be better, more graceful and forgiving towards everyone in my life & serve them with joy.

    Thank you!

  33. That was one of the loveliest and truest examples of marriage that I have ever read! Thank you!

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