Mothers NEED Separation From Their Children to Grow?
A young mother wrote this recently on her Instagram: “I feel sorry for any mother who can’t get a break from their children. Having your kids 24/7 does NOT make you a great mother. It destroys you mentally, you need separation to grow.” Not one thing about this statement is biblical, women. I shared this on my Instagram and women asked me if I would write about this since the mindset of “mom needs her own time/getaway” is very strong in our culture.
God commands young women to love their children and be keepers at home. He tells us that godliness with contentment is great gain. I attended a funeral last weekend of a godly woman. One of her daughters shared that while she was living in Norway, she grew depressed being at home with two little ones and the days were dark and rainy. She called her mom and her mom told her, “Motherhood is a private extravagance for Jesus Christ.”
Yes, it’s hard and monotonous but it’s all a mindset. If you daily renew your minds with the truth of this extremely important job that God has giving to you, raising the next generation, then your attitude will change. You will see the value in the mundane. You will be thankful for the blessings that the Lord has entrusted into your care. You will be the one who wants to be with your own children 24/7 watching over them, training, disciplining, loving, and caring for them.
You see, young mothers, God has given you the power to raise happy, secure, and emotionally stable children or unhappy, insecure and emotionally unstable children. It depends upon how you raise them. I’m not telling you this to put a guilt trip upon you but to help you realize the importance of being a mother. God wants you to raise your children in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord and He wants you to protect them from this wicked generation.
I can tell you from experience that raising children isn’t easy but oh, young women, the fruit is tremendous. I love my four children dearly. They bring me such joy and there are no greater treasures upon this earth to me than them. Yes, it took a ton of consistency, training, talking to, and work to raise those four children but I was always available to them. I was with them pretty much 24/7 and I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
Your constant presence in your children’s lives is the greatest gift you can give your children. One thing I do want to encourage you about is that you need to make sure your children know that you are the authority in your home, not them. My children went to bed early so I could have some alone time and with my husband. They were in their rooms an hour or so in the afternoon for naps or rest so I could rest. It’s okay to want to have some alone time and be able to study God’s Word (spending time in His Word is how you will actually grow!), rest, or do what you enjoy doing. There’s nothing wrong with this and it helps recharge your batteries, but don’t be upset if it doesn’t always happen due to sickness or other things. Our lives will never go exactly as we planned. See those interruptions as divine interventions by God and use them wisely.
It also has a lot to do with how you were raised. My mom loved being home with us full time. We all knew she did. I loved being home with my children full time and they knew it. Some young mothers who don’t want to go anywhere without their children. They love taking them everywhere and being with them. There’s a good reason older women are commanded to teach young women to love their children and be keepers at home. Love your children enough to want to be with them and learn to enjoy them! They are blessings straight from the hands of God. Be a JOYFUL mother of children!
He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD.
Psalm 113:9
52 thoughts on “Mothers NEED Separation From Their Children to Grow?”
You can mother and tend your home well and still have some time to invest in yourself. Just because we are mothers doesn’t mean we give up everything that we love or are talented at. While I enjoy being home with my children and homeschooling them, I dearly love getting some alone time with just myself. I do think it is important to have some time to work on a hobby or activity that you love, or to have a grown up conversation over a glass of wine, or just to simply go sit at the park watching the birds with a freshly made and HOT (lol!) cup of coffee. My husband, bless him, sends me out of the house one evening a week and every Saturday and I so appreciate it. I get a chance to hike, to kayak, take an art class, go on a photography walk, etc. This year I’ve been able to spend a few days in the deer blind in perfect silence. It was wonderful, and I always come back a more relaxed and better mother for it. 🙂
Sad! It’s really “How many corners can I cut and feel less guilt”… When you bring children into the world they come first. End of story. If you can’t see that then you’re not ready to have kids!
My “children” are now 26, 23 and 15 and while they were little (and even now with the youngest) we never went away for weekends alone — not even “date” nights. When my husband and I celebrated our anniversary, our kids joined us. Our kids were with us ALWAYS. Part of this was because we didn’t have family nearby to help out. (my parents both deceased, my husband’s mother very frail and ill).
However, now that two are adults and we have a teenager, is it wrong for me to go to the gym at night (one of us is always home…she is never home alone) or go away for a “sisters weekend” with my sister? Sometimes those little breaks are needed.
I have 4 children, 8 and under, and they are with me 24/7. We don’t have family nearby, so I almost never have anyone to leave them with. But I don’t mind. I enjoy being with my children. There are certainly times it is exhausting and times I need a quiet few minutes to recharge. Thank God for nap times. Yet I don’t need to leave my children in order to grow. I have learned to be content at home, being a mother all day every day. This is my calling. This is where I belong. My children need me. Me specifically. No one else can take my place.
You are describing a want, Danielle, not a need. This is important to make this distinction in the conversation. There are some young mothers with young children who have no family around and their husbands work long hours. They don’t feel comfortable leaving their children with others so they are with their children 24/7 and they are doing great! They have decided to learn godliness with contentment is great gain. If the Apostle Paul could learn this in a prison cell, young mothers can certainly learn it at home with their children. It’s all a mindset, as I stated in the post, and renewing one’s mind with Truth. “I am right where God wants me to be so I am going to work on being the best mother to these children (blessings) that I possibly can since I know that I can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens me and that the JOY of the LORD is my strength!”
They aren’t “needed” as you say, KAR, but wanted and it is your freedom to do what you want. This is the main point I am trying to get across with this post since some mothers have no opportunity to “get away” from their children and I want them to learn contentment since this is where God wants them to be. It’s okay if they can’t get away. God will grow them right in their homes as they raise their children in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord.
The church, unfortunately contributes to the false “need” of a break from children. Most churches have nursery, kids church, youth group to drop kids off so Mom can have her break and enjoy church service without her children. I witness hearing mothers every week saying how they love coming to church because that is their only break from their children! I fear for the future of the church. How strong will the future church leaders be if they are raised in church nursery. Putting your children in church nursery on Sunday mornings is not taking them to church.
I don’t see how it’s possible for a woman to be a mother to numerous children (as you’ve trumpeted as a good thing, a blessing) and at the same time to be a help meet to her husband. I’ve known too many women, my wife included, that once they became mothers, they stopped being wives. They got matronly, unattractive and totally focused on the children. From what I’ve read in many of your previous posts, you believe God encourages women to be in perpetual motherhood until menopause kicks in. (my perspective) Frankly, I for one miss my wife. She’s been gone for 17 years since my firstborn came along. I don’t blame my kids for that, I blame her. I don’t see how it’s possible to be both wife and mother with equal effectiveness. On another note, I don’t know how it is with other men, but being responsible to be the sole breadwinner for the household sucks. It’s not filled with a sense of accomplishment or pride or anything positive. It’s like a huge boulder I carry around that is slowly crushing me and will bury me in the ground. I’ve described it to my wife and others before, it’s like I’m a draft horse hooked in harness to my wife pulling a heavy wagon, but instead of her pulling her weight, I’m pulling the wagon and her because she’s so focused on being a mother, she’s no help in other aspects of life.
But is it a sin? Is it a sin to want to go to the gym a few night a weeks (to get a little break for an hour) or to spend a weekend away with my sister.
I’ve been told (by others) that it is sinful to do anything like this for oneself.
No, it’s not necessarily sin but it can become sin if one makes it into a “I need to do this” and is miserable if one can’t.
I learned that the father of a lady who we left our two toddlers with for two hours for us to go to a movie is a child molester who molested his four granddaughters for several years. He will die in prison.
We trusted this man as a friend and fellow Christian. It was a severe shock to learn of his acts.
We very rarely had anyone babysit any of our children. Only once were they overnight while we went on a short trip.
Scary!
And if you are not ready to have children you are not ready to marry.
And if you are not ready to marry you are not ready to have sex.
Violation of the above is the cause of much of the distress in the world.
Maybe it’s not this way everywhere but my children received much love and care in our church nursery and Sunday school. As a Navy wife there were times when my husband was away for months and we had no family nearby. We were a homeschooling family and spent all our time together. My church family loved my children and helped me through those challenging times. Having my children be loved and sometimes corrected by God’s people was a very good thing. I can also remember the loving influence of my church family when I was a child. Just felt like there was another side to consider.
Read my post tomorrow. It will be in response to your comment, Jarred.
Breaks from any daily life activity is not a ‘need.’ We don’t have babysitters, but I think our marriage could benefit from a break from our children. It isn’t going to happen, though. I don’t ‘need’ a break from my family, or even want one. I do feel sorry for the parents, who are feeling overwhelmed and in need of a break. I also feel sorry for those whose whole life is wrapped up in their children. We make sacrifices for the wellbeing and needs of our children. However, my husband and I had a life before they were born, we have interests and activities of our own now, and when our children are out of the house, we won’t be ‘lost’ without their constant presence.
This is so sad to hear! I’m still a young mother, only two children, but I still ensure that my husbands needs are met! My husband is the only one who works, be he said he never feels like it’s a burden because I help in every way I can outside of bringing money. Not just housework, but budgeting, saving, couponing, whatever it takes to help lighten his load. It is easy to forget being a wife when motherhood comes into a woman’s life, but I focus hard on ensuring I don’t. I live like my grandmother taught me, that you can never truly have a good day without makeup and a beautiful dress! Sounds silly, but it pleases my husband tremendously to see I still want him to like me, love me, and think I’m beautiful. We spend every evening together doing whatever we feel that particular night. I never want the person who gave me our family to be the last step in it. My children and husband come first, and I will never let one slip above or below the other. It’s tiring, but worth every minute of happiness it brings him and my children.
Jarred
Your wife should be committed to your needs first, and you to her needs, first. We are all human and we sometimes fall short caring for our spouse and sometimes for our children……….and some days, both. My husband is very, very needy. I told him before our first child was born that I had concerns about being able to meet his needs, and properly care for a child. I told him I would do my best, but there would be many days I fell short. We talked about what he depended on me to do the most – and what tasks I could let slip with less stress to him. (I’m a stickler for a clean house – he is not – so all that cleaning I do isn’t much appreciated by him.) One day, when our first child was about 5 months old, I had been vomiting all day. I had returned home from an appointment for my son from a pediatric cardiologist – and it was not the best news. My son was colicky, and he was fussing on my hip. I had a breast pump on both breasts and the pump on the kitchen counter, (I froze and donated extra milk – but this I was going to dump – because I was sick.) I was doing this in the kitchen, because I was also cooking dinner – and actively stirring a pot. My husband came home from work and began whining, because I had not yet picked up a new suit he had ordered that had been tailored. (Hey, I didn’t want to throw up on it.) My son spit out his pacifier and I was washing it, as my husband was complaining. I started to put the pacifier in my husband’s mouth. Talk about a Freudian slip……. We had a laugh about that and he took the baby, took over dinner and I picked up the tailored suit at the store. You have a SAHM and wife. You need to let her know what are priorities for you and what can slide sometimes. Women do sometimes get obsessive over every aspect of their children. Sometimes it’s necessary and sometimes even obsession is not enough attention to fix their problems. Children are important and their needs must be met, but they are not the be-all and end-all of our existence. Her commitment to you must be a priority. However, I’m not a mind reader, and your wife probably isn’t either. You need to tell her what she needs to do to help you and perhaps you could do the same for her?
Church is not the time to get a break from your children. It is crucial for children to be with their parents during church services. It’s our responsibility as parents to teach them respect and reverence for worshipping God in a corporate environment. Nursery, kids church and youth groups can not and will not teach this the way a parent can. It’s the parents responsibility to train a child in the way he/she should go, not the church nursery, kids church or youth group while parents get their break. Doesn’t matter if your break is in the form of church babysitters it’s still irresponsible. Sorry to get on a tangent,I feel very strongly about parents training their children in church. We have an entire generation of 20 something evangelicals leaving the church because grown up church is not entertaining enough. These are the first generation of kids who were solely raised in church nursery,kids church and youth groups. Their parents valued their break more than teaching their children what church is truly about and now their college age children are leaving the church to chase shallow entertainment like they were dished out in church nursery, kids church and youth groups.
As an older widower man, hearing a woman say she “needs” time away from her children, is a BIG red flag against considering her for marriage if she is single.
That ranks right up there with wives taking separate vacations away from their husbands.
A women doing either of these 2 things, is holding the door wide open for Satan to enter into the marriage or family.
I hear too many women practicing their singing – ME, ME, ME, ME…….
Wow sorry to hear seems like the family dynamic is off. Yes taking care of the kids is important but it doesn’t come before her husband. Husband~Wife~Kids. Of course their basic needs should be taken care of but in general the husband comes first. Wife and husband are bounded for life one flesh, the kids and parents don’t have that same covenant. Plus its so crucial that the kids see a biblical marriage played out….how are they going to see authority structure, what being a wife and husband looks like, etc.
Mrs. Alexander may cover my point, but don’t forget that the kind of intensive parenting we see nowadays is relatively new. Back in the day, kids would be home with Mom, sure–or working with Dad–but those kids home with Mom would be doing tasks of their own as soon as they could walk. You didn’t have people telling you that you need to spend X amount of time outdoors, X amount with a peer group, X amount doing crafts, etc; people were worried more about survival than about whether the kid was going to get into an elite school and be able to compete in the global information economy.
I have heard it said that we are supposed to rule our children and serve our husband, but that nowadays the reverse seems to be true. And ironically, the single best contribution a mother can make to her children’s wellbeing is to do what she can to have a strong, happy marriage.
I can’t comment on your marriage. I know it’s hard for my husband being the breadwinner, and sometimes the responsibilities of leading, providing for, and protecting us weigh very heavily on him indeed; but he feels that his family is a great work and one in which he has a significant stake.
I hope you and your wife can reconnect and strengthen the bond between you. Life is hard, and this is a fallen and broken world, but having kids does not and should not mean that spouses stop giving themselves to each other.
Jared,
While I am looking forward to Lori’s article tomorrow, I felt that I needed to respond to you. Your feelings are valid. I believe it can be a great challenge for mothers to keep their marriages the highest priority, second only to their relationship with Christ. Kids take a lot of focus and we, both mom and dad, need to be there for them. My wife and I have discussed this concern. We realize that there will come a time when it will be just us at home. I assume you have discussed this with your wife. I encourage you to continue to emphasize that building a deep connection in a marriage is vitally important. Also, pray that God will intervene, giving her a heart to invest in the marriage as much as in your children. God can make amazing things happen as we seek to honor Him.
Hello Jarred,
Other posters may disagree, but when my husband and I felt this way, which was way earlier than 17 years, we decided to put our marriage first. We enlisted the help of my parents to give us “Date nights.” We both dressed up, went out to an activity, and spent the night in intimacy. My parents took the kids overnight. In addition, we decided to use tracking my fertility to engage in intimacy when I was least likely to get pregnant and abstain when I was likely. This season lasted for a few years before we felt we had repaired this part of our marriage. Another thing we did is that we put our children to bed early, as Lori recommends. Even older children can “go to their rooms” and have quiet time until bedtime. My husband I would do things like watch a movie, do a puzzle, talk about our day, go on a long walk or bikeride, literally anything that was just us two spending time together. For special occasions, like birthdays, Mother’s Day, Christmas, etc. my husband would get me the gift of a cleaning lady for a day, or a trip to the hair salon/nail salon/shopping to “Doll myself up” for him or to just have a day where we had zero chores and we could spend the day together.
If you think you have “lost” your wife to your children, trust me, she surely misses you too! It’s just the pressures of motherhood and homemaking, and lack of direction from the husband clearing up time, really take a toll. I bet she would be thrilled if you two could spend more time together 🙂
Finally, I am not a man so I cannot help with your burden of being the sole provider, but perhaps a wise older man, or a group of your peers, could offer wisdom through men’s ministry at your church?
Oh, one more comment. If work is burdensome, there may be a couple of issues. First, realize every job is a ministry. The pastor is not the only one who shares Christ with the world. God puts us in the work place not only to provide for our needs, but to be a light to the world. Second, ask God if you are in the job He wants you to be in. Perhaps He is using this sense of burden to move you to another job. If it is the job He wants you to do, seek contentment in it. Find things about it that you can be thankful for and acknowledge God’s blessings in those areas.
What is wrong with having alone time or vacation without your spouse? Especially, if you have differents interests. For example, I let my husband go on this fishing trips, he lets me go skiing in the winter. He doesn’t demand this alone time, I offer it to him to make him happy. Same for him.
There’s nothing wrong with it if one can manage it but women don’t need to be told they NEED this in order for good mental health and to grow. Many women can’t afford to do these things or their husbands are too busy working. The key is learning contentment at home with children which is not being taught hardly anywhere these days. The opposite is being taught.
Lori, personal observation from a man. I tend to avoid interacting with single middle age women or even working with them. I have noticed how obnoxious and overbearing most of their personalities and characters are. Mothers are different. There is something gracious about their inner being. I cant put a finger to it. This is based on experience. Not 100% accurate, but still happens more often than not. When I reflect upon it, I believe that God has created women to marry young and have children. They are created to be homemakers and full time nurturers of their children. This is the growth that God wants women to have. Unless they obey the Lord in this, often their character / personalities start becoming wayward. The bible has a verse that says “women are saved through child bearing”. Salvation is by grace through Christ alone not by works. But I believe that this verse also means that our continual experiential salvation on earth (which can only be done through obedience). Obedience leads to us developing Christ-likeness while disobedience leads the other way, we become worse in our character and nature. Full time mothers and homemakers develop something inside them that reflects the glory and character of Christ. Anything else leads to waywardness (it’s subtle and gradual but deadly to the character).
No, this is not right. I don’t want to be disrespectful, but I must state unequivocally that vacations separate from a spouse is absolutely not right. It is a step towards separatng the family. My wife and I will never consider this. Visiting family when I have to work is OK, but not a vacation. We do life together, as God designed. Don’t take steps to live separately when you have committed to live as a family under God. Doing so is incredibly dangerous to the marriage. I can’t emphasize this strongly enough. Do things that bring you together, not tear you apart.
A mom going out for a little time alone is not going to “lead to sin”. It’s not wrong to want time alone, even if it is just a few minutes. Mothers, fathers, students, children, elders, kids even need time to recharge by themselves everyone once on a while. Men get breaks after they work, a mother DESERVES a break as well.
Dear Mrs. Lori, I have to say that after reading this article, I can agree that being around your kids 24/7 is not a terrible thing. Oh sure, we all have those moments where we want to have a little alone time, but if it was an absolute necessity, I would be in terrible shape. I don’t even have a driver’s license, and my husband has to work late sometimes. We also have homeschooled our kids ever since the oldest one. I would also have to say that I LOVE teaching my kids.
You know the song, “It’s Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas”. I have to say that I get irritated with the line that goes: “And Mom and Dad can hardly wait for school to start again.” My kids also know I don’t like that part. It just seems like, nowadays, some parents will do anything they can to “get their kids out of their hair”. My heart longs to be with my babies, to spend even more time with them, and to know that they know how very much I love them…and how much God loves them.
Before I close, I want to share the wonderful news with you that we will be having our fourth baby, due June 19! We are just thrilled! I actually felt the tiniest kick against my finger when I had my hand on my belly this evening.
Well, I really need to get to bed now. Hope your night is blessed!
Love, Angie
Lynn,
I wanted to wait a day to consider responding to your comments. I realize that I will not change your mind about church nursery. However, I believe the church nursery is a vital ministry. My wife and I participate in the nursery each month,and we are in our early 50s. Having a church nursery allows young parents the ability to focus on the service, getting fed from God’s word, without wondering if their children are well taken care of. They know what is being taught in the nursery. Yes, even the one year olds have a lesson. It is far more than a babysitting function. This is the church family supporting each other so that we can all grow in our walk with Christ.
Your children are blessed to have you as their mother, Angela, and congratulations!
We don’t deserve anything actually. And mothers don’t need breaks from their children for their mental health and growth, as the woman in the post claimed. It’s great to have breaks and mothers can certainly train their children to have times of rest so everyone gets a break (rest time) and be in bed early but this helps for being physically recharged not for mental health and growth. Mental health and growth comes from renewing our minds consistently with God’s Word and taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ.
I knew a couple, when my children were young, who always took separate vacations and now they are divorced. I absolutely don’t recommend separate vacations either, Chris.
I agree with you, John. This is why God’s command to the unmarried women is to be holy in body and in spirit. Being a wife and mother keeps godly women busy at home and serving their families which God has called them to do. Single Christian women must be careful to not allow the world to capture their attention but must find ways to nurture which is God’s design for women and serve others so they don’t become hardened by the world and its ways.
Church nursery is not a vital ministry, it’s a babysitting service driven by selfishness of parents wanting a break from their children. I say that with confidence because years ago when my first child was born I fell in the selfish trap and put my child in church nursery and I was even a lead church nursery teacher at every Wednesday night service and most Sunday morning services. The Holy Spirit opened my eyes wide with conviction, thankfully and I saw it for what it really is. I stopped teaching and stopped putting my child in nursery, and began taking him into church main service with me.That was the best thing I ever did. My child is fifteen now and he is so very deeply planted in God.But, as for his peers at church who never left the nursery,kids church and youth group, they are shallow in their faith when they are in main service with their parents they have their focus on their phones or other things besides the service. I also have a ten year old now ,who was never put in nursery and and her spiritual roots go far deeper than most her age. Please consider not letting church be the time you “get your break,” what you teach your children by example during their formative years in church services is vital to their adult view of church when they grow up. Traditional Sunday School may be fine(remember the days when Sunday school was held before main service for kids and adults and everone, all ages and generations were together for main service) that may serve a good purpose. But, the program of today’s churches where children are dropped off and not in service with parent is hurting the future church not helping it. Today’s churches help drive the unbiblical selfishness that this blog post is adressing, ” Mothers needing a break from their children. “
As an introvert I feel the need of alone time after spending time with people especially with noisy and dependent little ones but I think this is why God made them with the need of an afternoon nap. And I love the nights when everybody else is sleeping already. It’s so quiet and peaceful. But it’s a gift from God, not something I need, or I’ll die… at weekends my eldest doesn’t have an afternoon nap and I can accept that. If I don’t feel sorry for myself because of the lack of alone time it’s not so horrible at all.
Angie,
My wife hates that line in the song as well. We love having our kids at home, even more now as they are moving into their own homes.
Lori
You said we don’t deserve anything, and I agree. Wondering if men ‘deserve’ anything? Seriously asking?
We all deserve hell and damnation but for Christ and His mercy upon us.
I’m reading a lot about “needs” and “wants” on this comment board.
Lori, I am seeing you state that what someone describes as a “need” is in fact not a need, but a want. I respectfully disagree. Needs and wants are subjective to the individual. Scripture doesn’t teach that women are never allowed to be separated from their children, and it doesn’t teach that it is a sin to consider that desire a need. Can you provide scriptural support that it does teach that? I am familiar that scripture teaches women to be keepers at home. But it does not preclude women from having a break or considering a break a need.
I appreciate your views on the matter. But frankly, that’s all they are. Views, opinions, and your interpretation.
I never said it was a sin to have a break from their children. If you will notice in the body of the post, I mentioned rest/nap periods for the children so the mothers can rest or do something they enjoy. What I object to is the statement that mothers need to be separated from their children for their mental health and growth. This is the mentality that is taught these days. No, they don’t! They need God’s Word renewing their minds continually with truth for mental health and growth. This is why it’s good to have Bible verses printed out and placed around the home and even painted on the walls or chalkboards. Bibles laying around open so they can get in a quick renewal as they breastfeed or sit down for a moment’s rest.
Chris,
I agree with you, at least up to a certain age. Little babies can take naps in nursery and not disrupt other adults (or the parents.) Younger children need a church lesson taught at a level they understand. I will also add that I was raised in a ‘Hell-fire and Brimstone’ church, with a morning service that lasted 2.5 to 3 hours, AFTER Sunday School, which was an hour. This terrified my older siblings – and NONE attend that denomination today, because of it. Additionally, the largest proportion of children at my childhood church came on a bus and had no parents there at all. They sure weren’t there for ‘Adult Church’ I didn’t realize it until I read and thought about your post. Having pre-teen and teenage Christian peers was, if not essential to my ability to navigate those difficult years, definitely more than helpful. Thank you for the work you have done and for what you continue to do.
Hi Chris,
Aaww! Bless her heart. May God bless you, your wife, and family!
Yes, I know you did not say it was sin for mothers to have a break 🙂 And I agree with you ,God’s word is the ultimate balm for weary souls!
My point is that needs and wants are subjective, person to person. Some mothers may truly need a short break from what they do all day in order to mentally and physically be a better mother to their children. I don’t see anything in scripture that would negate this.
Maybe you are referring to the ideology that women “need” to work full time as well as be mothers because otherwise they will never grow as a person. I agree, that’s a load of crap.
But, I think unequivocally stating that it is wrong for a mother to “need to be separated from their children for their mental health and growth” is also wrong. God created each person as an individual. Each of us has different limitations, abilities, etc. As long as a mother isn’t neglecting her child for the sake of “time off”, or is otherwise in sin, then I think its perfectly reasonable for a mother to say that she “needs time away from her children for mental health or growth.” My husband for example watches our daughter one evening a week so that I can spend time with close friends, cultivate hobbies, or just rest. Yes, I do think that cultivating relationships and resting is a need. I don’t think what I am describing is a want. You may disagree, but that is simply your opinion, which is why it is subjective.
There are mothers who simply can’t have time away from their children. Most women on the prairie couldn’t. Many wives who have husbands in the military can’t. My mom couldn’t. Were they all mentally sick and stunted in their growth. Perhaps some were but this is why older women need to teach younger women that the major cause of mental ill health (not all) and stunted growth are due to what they dwell upon. If they renew their minds with God’s Truth, they will be transformed!
Women tend to be more emotional and easily deceived by the messages they are receiving these days. I want to speak truth into their lives. If they can’t be separated from their children (although they can train them to have quiet times in their rooms each day), they must know that they can do it and do it well! They are told that they can do ALL things through Christ who strengthens them.
Thank you, Angie. Your reply absolutely made my day.
I can’t disagree with your last comment. I agree, its true that some women simply don’t have the resources to be able to take time away. and in that case I do agree that supporting the mother and encouraging her that she can do it is best. Thanks for your feedback!
Wow, a heated topic …. I am a SAHM mother to eight (and currently in the family way) that homeschools and rarely gets in my car, unless it is to go to church on Sundays or a random grocery trip. My husband is self employed, works very late nights and sometimes has no days off in the week (unless we are blessed with Sundays together – which is a great desire for both of us) and rarely gets a ‘vacation’. He also is required to work holidays and be on call 24/7. It has taken me many, many years to figure out my role as a homemaker, wife/mother/teacher and to accept this role with gratitude and joy, even if I cannot “have a break” now and then. My parents, even, encourage me to go away and visit them (it would require an airplane trip) but I have yet to do that as it would mean leaving most, if not all, of my children with someone else to care for them. “Children tie the feet.” I’m okay with that because I know this role will end one day, in this sense, and I will be free to take small trips, etc.
In order to combat feeling frustrated with always staying home, if the day goes as planned, I will always have a ‘tea break’ in the afternoon and the children will go read their own books, take a nap or play something quietly. I can sit in the clean, quaint living room and enjoy a quiet time on my own, reading a book of my choice or doing a craft, etc. It is enough and for that I am grateful. NO, it is not a necessary right for me, but it is enough to re-charge my batteries for the rest of the day.
I have a dear friend who can go away with friends for a weekend, leaving her children with her husband, or goes on weekly date nights with her husband (leaving her children) or going on week long vacations with her husband out of country (leaving her children). I am surprised she will go so far from her children (16 and under, seven of them) and feel okay with that decision. We all need our hearts turned back to home. Our family is very important. I also have friends whose children were molested or they, themselves, were hurt while being left with babysitters when they were young. Church nurseries are also not always safe. I would never trust my baby in a church nursery, sadly.
What I find interesting is that my mom did things she enjoyed- with us. Sometimes she would paint with us, do crafts that she would sell or give away. She would read a book as we read our as we got older. Sometimes she crafted as we read to her. We loved it. We were creative, learning and being industrious together. Our home was always clean and us helping provided her and all of us more time and peace in the home. I also knew mom and dad’s alone time was important and I felt safe and happy when they took the time for themselves to be together. I think this teaches children selflessness and a respect for marriage, even as they get older.
It may not be a need, but it can be a kindness. My husband says that Jesus went and retreated and took some rest. If life gets crazy God I know will carry us but we can also be kind to others. Many times I myself have done and seen the blessing in it when a young girl they know in church offers to babysit for a bit, or when an older woman joyfully does too, teaching the children a recipe or something. Not everyone has access to this, but this is why I think it could be so nice for moms to teach their daughters to do this. I loved helping out moms and babysitting. They got to know me and trusted me and that was an honor. It also helped me to learn more about mothering and homemaking with children both from these moms and from watching their children.