Women Neglecting Their Husbands After Having Children

Women Neglecting Their Husbands After Having Children

A man wrote the following comment on my post yesterday about mothers believing they need time way from their children: “I don’t see how it’s possible for a woman to be a mother to numerous children (as you’ve trumpeted as a good thing, a blessing) and at the same time to be a help meet to her husband. I’ve known too many women, my wife included, that once they became mothers, they stopped being wives. They got matronly, unattractive, and totally focused on the children.

“From what I’ve read in many of your previous posts, you believe God encourages women to be in perpetual motherhood until menopause kicks in (my perspective). Frankly, I for one miss my wife. She’s been gone for 17 years since my firstborn came along. I don’t blame my kids for that, I blame her. I don’t see how it’s possible to be both wife and mother with equal effectiveness.

“On another note, I don’t know how it is with other men, but being responsible to be the sole breadwinner for the household sucks. It’s not filled with a sense of accomplishment or pride or anything positive. It’s like a huge boulder I carry around that is slowly crushing me and will bury me in the ground. I’ve described it to my wife and others before; it’s like I’m a draft horse hooked in harness to my wife pulling a heavy wagon, but instead of her pulling her weight, I’m pulling the wagon and her because she’s so focused on being a mother, she’s no help in other aspects of life.”

First of all, women must remember that they were created to be their husband’s help meet or helper first. This is why God created them. Many women tell me that their husbands don’t want anymore children. The main reason, I believe, is that their husbands no longer have a helper. They have lost their help meet to their children.

If you have ever watched the Duggars or the Bates on TV, who both have 19 children, it’s obvious that both of them have great marriages! The laughter comes easily to both women and you can see the love and affection they have towards their husbands. They both teach women that their husbands need to be a priority. Also, neither of them are slender but their husbands adore them because they have become lovely through their kind, loving, and joyful spirits. This man wouldn’t consider his wife “matronly and unattractive” if his wife was putting him first and being joyful. Beauty is only skin deep, remind yourselves. True beauty comes from within.

This man said that I believe that women should be in “perpetual motherhood until menopause.” I teach that children are a blessing. I hate what birth control and the birth control mentality have done to our nation, which has led to the slaughtering of 63 million unborn babies. How many children each individual couple has is up to them but hopefully, believers will have a love for children and see them as blessings rather than burdens.

I love what John Coblentz wrote in his excellent book “Christian Family Living” about this topic: “While Christian families claim not to have the values of their non-Christian counterparts, the pressures are certainly there. To have one or two children is acceptable. To have three is borderline. Four raises the eyebrows. Five and over means you are careless and irresponsible, likely raising parasites of society. The family of 10 or 12 is a phenomenon of the Dark Ages. So the reasoning.

“The Bible says, ‘Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward. As arrows are in the hand of the mighty man; so are children of the youth. Happy is the man that hath his quiver full of them: they shall not be ashamed, but they shall speak with the enemies in the gate” (Psalm 127:3-5).

“God considers children a divine blessing to the home, and we must certainly acknowledge that the decrease in children today has not made for a happier, healthier family unit. Christian parents, who walk in step with God, will love children, will see them as a blessing, and will not succumb to the self-centered pressures of society.”

Then this man proceeded to complain about having to be the sole breadwinner for his family and that it “sucks” according to him. Yes, this is a result of the Fall for men. They would have to toil in the soil all of the days of their lives. Life on this earth isn’t easy since sin entered in. It’s hard for women to be pregnant for nine months, go through labor, be up during the nights nursing their babies, and then training and raising their children up in the ways of the Lord. Neither men nor women have it easy in this life but we are commanded that godliness with contentment is great gain. We have never been promised an easy life but one of tribulation (John 16:33).

Imagine if this man’s wife was continually praising and thanking him for working so hard for him. Would his attitude be different? I think so. Imagine if she lovingly cared for him in his home and praised him to their children. Imagine if she was the help meet to this man that God has called her to be. Remember, we are told that a wise woman builds her home up and a foolish one tears it down with her own hands.

Be wise women, dear women, and build your homes up! Remember, you can do ALL things through Christ who gives you strength, and He tells you that His commands are not burdensome. There’s no greater gift you can give your children than for them to see you deeply loving and caring for their father, your husband.

And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
Genesis 2:18

39 thoughts on “Women Neglecting Their Husbands After Having Children

  1. So true. Often, children and homemaking can become little idols.

    We recently implemented the rule that all housework needs to be done and the kitchen cleaned from prepping dinner by the time my husband gets home from work. That way we can focus on spending time together. Its hard, but not impossible. And my husband feels so much more honored and treasured.

    1. In the 1950s home economics book that was used by high schoolers, this very thing was taught to the young women. They actually prepared them to be good wives! Can you imagine this happening now? No, it would be despised and mocked.

  2. I do not know this man’s particular situation, but as a 58yr old widower, I have seen a lot of cases of the wife neglecting her husband over the the years. I have seen it equally in both Christian and unsaved marriages.

    The 2 main reasons I have seen is:
    #1 – that the wife does not respect the husband and concentrates on ministering to the children instead.
    #2 – the children are involved in after school sports or other activities and wife is a taxi driver taking the children to all their sport practices.

    In the #2 situation, the parents are serving the children. Dad and mom are no longer the authority over the children, the coach of the children tells them what, where and when for the parents to do. Often it is the wife driving the children to sports practice 3-4 times a week, and then to the actual game. These sports activities run 10+ months of the year.

    Wife is no longer ministering to her husband because there is no time. Practice starts at 4PM and lasts several hours. Is 7-8 o’clock before she gets back home. Wife is sitting with the other moms at practice and games, listening to the other wives tell about them not taking care of their husbands because there is no time. So it enforces her sinful thoughts of her not taking care of her husband is right because all the other moms are doing the same thing.

    As for the man complaining about being the only wage earner, I’m not trying to be rude but – SIR, THAT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO PROVIDE FOR YOUR FAMILY.

    If I may suggest you and your wife look at outgoing nonessential expenses. I worked a $10 an hour job in a -20F food warehouse freezer, 36 hours a week for years, supporting a wife and children. I found out the actual “need expenses” are very much lower than my “want expenses”. I taught my late wife how to cook from scratch instead of the expense of eating out. A sweater put on instead of turning the heat up a few degrees. Etc, etc. And IF your children are involved in the sports activities, think of how much time and expenses could be saved if the wife and children were home.

    1. There are good reasons why God wants older women teaching the younger women to be lovers of their husbands. It’s so easy to put the children before his needs and neglect him when the mother deeply loving and caring for her husband is the greatest gift that she can give her children!

    1. Yes, I teach the young women that as they grow older, the best face lift is to stand up straight and smile often. A merry heart is good medicine! A cheerful and encouraging countenance is definitely what makes a woman beautiful to her husband, no matter what looks the Lord has given to her.

  3. Lori, good post. As a Christian husband and the sole breadwinner, this man made some errors in thinking that a Christian shouldn’t. As believers we can’t fully understand all that Christ took on and did for us at the cross that we could not do for ourselves. And he doesn’t ask us to, He just asks that we obey him.

    My wife had a job before we were married, but she never had any responsibility or authority over others in her job. So she can’t really understand what it is to be responsible for not just your family but the family of others as well. And I believe this is by God’s design. Whenever I am frustrated by my wife’s disobedience, I understand how my disobedience frustrates the LORD.

    “Let every soul be in subjection to the higher powers: for there is no power but of God; and the powers that be are ordained of God. Therefore he that resisteth the power, withstandeth the ordinance of God: and they that withstand shall receive to themselves judgment. For rulers are not a terror to the good work, but to the evil. And wouldest thou have no fear of the power? do that which is good, and thou shalt have praise from the same: for he is a minister of God to thee for good. But if thou do that which is evil, be afraid; for he beareth not the sword in vain: for he is a minister of God, an avenger for wrath to him that doeth evil. Wherefore ye must needs be in subjection, not only because of the wrath, but also for conscience’ sake. For for this cause ye pay tribute also; for they are ministers of God’s service, attending continually upon this very thing. Render to all their dues: tribute to whom tribute is due; custom to whom custom; fear to whom fear; honor to whom honor.”
    ‭‭Romans‬ ‭13:1-7‬ ‭ASV‬‬

  4. A couple of people have made comments about “intensive parenting”, and “servicing the children” and this is a very good point indeed!

    In today’s culture, mothers are waaaaay too indulgent of their children. Yes, the Dads do it too, but Mothers seem to, more so. Every waking moment is devoted to some activity or demand of the child. Of course addressing basic needs are a given. But all the running around with extracurricular activities is an unnecessary time consumer.

    All the constant catering to the children not only comes between the husband and wife, but results in selfish and dependent adults later.

    My husband’s mother had 9 children over 20 years. If ever there was a Proverbs 31 woman it was her. She was a SAHW/M. She cooked every meal, crocheted, quilted, gardened, the home was tidy, she had coffee with the neighbor moms, very involved in her church, cooked and delivered meals for the elderly and sick and the list goes on and on. One of the children was even seriously disabled. No one remembers the Mom complaining. Neither does anyone remember the Dad, who was the sole provider of this 11 member clan, complaining.

    How did they do it? It comes down to one explanation. They were a family of faith. They never missed church. (And none of the 9 kids went to nursery, either, btw. The church didn’t even have one.
    All the kids, even the one who was mentally handicapped learned the discipline of sitting still in “Adult” church).

    My husband’s parents lived their God designed roles as a wife/mother, husband/provider. They didn’t question it. It just WAS.

    They were not perfect.

    But I admire them very much, God rest their souls.

    1. They sound like an absolutely amazing couple, Dana. Thank you for sharing their lives with us. It’s great for us to hear of those who have gone on before us living godly lives in obedience to the Savior. His ways are perfect!

  5. Lori, I so appreciate your daily encouragement and exhortation. I have never found anyone like you (with the time to do this) in real life. My husband and I always had a good marriage but with you in my corner it is wonderful, even after 21 years.

    Many times I think how nice it would be to go back in time and earn my younger self about avoiding mistakes, Thanks to you, I have an older “self” committed to helping me avoid the pitfalls.

    I know you have many detractors but I’m so glad you write anyway!

    1. Yes, I seem to have many detractors but that is to be expected. I teach the opposite of what they hold dear but I know that, without a doubt, that God’s ways are far superior to our ways! Thank you for your encouragement, too. I very much appreciate it.

      1. Yes, you are a gift from God. As a young wife I went in pursuit of making our marriage better because I realized I was the problem. The man’s comment from yesterday hurt my heart because it shows exactly why I constantly tell my husband thank you and that he’s doing a great job. Our children are still young (1 year old and newborn on the way) but your blog is a constant reminder of submission, thankfulness, and the importance of reading the word DAILY. I can even notice when I skip a day…

  6. “On another note, I don’t know how it is with other men, but being responsible to be the sole breadwinner for the household sucks.”

    Speaking only for myself, it’s not that being the sole breadwinner “sucks.” For any Christ-following man who loves his family and who strives to obey the Lord’s. commandments with all of his heart and mind, this position is one of honor and privilege.

    The “sucks” part has to do with the job itself that the husband and father works in order to provide for his family. Unless the husband owns his own business or is some sort of independent contractor or consultant with the flexibility to set the terms and conditions of his work, odds are almost certain that the job he works to provide for his family is at best painfully monotonous and tedious and at worst a degrading, soul-crushing slog. The point being here, ladies, that the working world is anything but “glamorous,” “exciting,” or “empowering” for most men, despite what your decades of feminist conditioning would have you believe (those of you who work full time already know this, whether you wish to admit it or not). It is something we men endure because those we love who depend on the fruits of our hard labor are what make it all bearable. We don’t do it for ourselves (ask any man if he would put up for even a second with today’s corporate work world if he didn’t have to for the sake of his family), but for our wives and our children. The man in the OP would almost certainly feel less oppressed and exhausted if his wife expressed even the mildest affection and non-verbal respect for him and the daily degradation he endures at work to support her and their children. From the tone of his comments, his current trajectory has him on a path to both burnout and a crisis of faith, with the addition of a fractured marriage. He has my sympathy and prayers.

    1. I agree. Feminism has caused women to falsely believe that being “out there” and working for a paycheck is far superior to what the Lord has called them to do but it’s not. They both have their positive and negatives aspects but we can both rest knowing that we’re doing exactly what God has called us to do. Hopefully, some wise woman will become involved in this wife’s life and speak truth to her which is unlikely in most churches these days, unfortunately.

    2. I 100% agree. I am a female and I work full time, and often pick up side jobs nannying or cleaning homes for others. It is not, in any way, exciting or empowering. Ha! It is exhausting. I am single, so I have no choice but to provide for myself. I hear stay-at-home wives complain, and I think, “I wish with everything inside of me that I didn’t have to go to work and deal with work issues every single day! I wish I could stay home!” I still have to keep my home clean and I cook most meals from scratch because it is cheaper and healthier. I am EXHAUSTED! (and I don’t even have children- never have been married) We were not created to deal with this type of stress. My heart longs for a husband and children. I even feel the draw toward being home and caring for a husband and children, without having either. If I ever get married and am able to stay home, I will try my hardest to thank him for pulling me out of the rat race that I never wanted to be in. I have what most would consider a successful career and make “good money”. I would give it up quickly and learn to live on way less for the opportunity I don’t have. I work hard and find joy in it, because I believe in doing all things joyfully and as unto the Lord, but I’d much rather be finding joy in doing my own laundry. haha!

    3. Ah, finally someone gets it! Thank you feeriker! I’m the man Lori speaks of. I absolutely hate my job, it is the bane of my existence. I used to be a college history professor and loved it. However, circumstances intervened and at 48 had to start over and I am no longer able to work in that profession for three main reasons 1. Only 25% of college professors are full time these days compared with 80% 40 years ago. 2. White male conservatives need not apply is basically how higher education operates these days. 3. I could never make ends meet on an adjunct pay scale, even working 4 part-time positions.

      Now I work in commercial construction and I hate it. Every single day, I hate it. But I get up and go to the job to provide for my family because that’s what I am called to do, but just because I’m called to do it doesn’t make it any easier. Meanwhile, I come home to a house in disarray, many times my house looks like a flea market with stuff piled in the corners of my bedroom, an extra room piled with stuff we don’t need or use. No matter how much I beg, order, plead or cajole my wife to tidy up, it goes in one ear and out the other. She lays in bed until 10 or 11 am nearly everyday unless she meets someone for lunch or takes the kids to a homeschool gathering. And as far as sex is concerned, it doesn’t exist. I’m in a textbook sexless marriage. Twenty-three years, I’m at my wits end.

      Admittedly, my wife has some health issues, fibromyalgia, a gluten sensitivity and 2 bulging disks in her back. However, even before these issues occurred, roughly 5 years ago, she was the same. Now she just has excuses for her lack of effort.

      I plead with God everyday, laying my heart open to Him, yet no change. I pray for her healing, I pray for a spirit of patience and forbearing for me, I pray for release from this soul-killing job but nothing happens.

    4. Growing up I was appreciative of my father’s hard work. When I got married, I prayed and encouraged my husband towards where he is gifted and what he loves to do. He works very hard and like all jobs there are stressors but hearing him say he loves what he does brings me joy.

  7. My husband and I think of our “jobs” as being the same hours as his job. He leaves at 8am and returns at 6pm. I do my homemaking from 8am-6pm, but when he returns, it’s over. The cooking is finished, the cleaning is finished, I’ve worked out, the children have finished schoolwork, etc. Of course, I may not have actually finished it, but I let it go until the next day. For our time spent together after he gets home is too precious — how would I like it if he continued working during the time that was supposed to be for our family?

    I am so glad we set these boundaries. We share our responsibility to parent our children, and our children have chores so supper is cleaned up, so the time after 6pm is a time of rest, fun, and bonding as a family and as a couple. We also put our children to bed early so that we have time to spend together. We use the time after 6pm to serve each other.

    However, I think these adjustments only work if someone has the type of “hands on” husband that enjoys reading, bathing, and putting his children to sleep. If your husband does not share these responsibilities, then you won’t be able to “stop” your work when he gets home.

    1. I’m not a fan of teaching women what their husbands should be doing, Kate. They aren’t called to be homemakers. Women are. Men have the burden of providing for their families most of their adult lives. Women don’t have the responsibility of raising children most of their adult lives since their children grow up and leave home. Yes, the early years of raising children is hard but women can do it even if their husbands don’t help and want to come home and rest. My dad never helped my mom and she never expected him to. He worked long hours and provided well for the family. Wives can’t force their husbands to do what they want any ways without causing harm in their marriages. It’s best to share what wives are to do and leave what husbands are to do up to the husbands.

      1. My Father came from a broken home. His Mother was a cook and worked long in to the night. So, he cared for his little brother and helped out around the house. He was a school teacher, and my Mother was a SAHM. Every day my Dad came home from work, and we ate dinner within 1/2 hour. He then helped, as did myself and siblings, put the food away, wash and dry dishes, clean the stove. He would wipe the kitchen table and then get on his hands and knees (he had a wooden leg) and mop the kitchen floor and entry hall. We had 3 bathrooms and my Dad cleaned one every other day and vacuumed one room. Every room in the house was vacuumed and mopped and cleaned every single day. Our floors were so clean, you could eat off of them. He also did all the yard work, except the flower beds. My Mom did those. After his chores were done, we had family Bible study and game time. He then graded papers. They say daughters will marry a version of their father. I did not. I love my husband. He asked me many years ago what I thought the sexiest thing a man could do was? Without even thinking, I said, “Mop the kitchen floor on your hands and knees.”

        Well, let’s just say I had to turn on the kitchen fan…. I don’t expect or ask him to do it. But my definition of a real man is a hard worker with a servant’s heart!

        1. Your dad was amazing, Katherine, but just because many dads don’t come home and do all those things don’t make them any less amazing. Like I said in the last comment, my dad didn’t help around the house at all or much with us but he provided a good living so my mom could be with us full time and he came home every night, loved us as he knew how, and took us to church each Sunday. When women have husbands who are faithful to them, work hard to provide for their families, and love their children, they have married great husbands!

          1. I’m seeing so many wives complain about their husband not helping out around the house. The home is YOUR domain to keep up with if the husband helps out he helps out but being the leader, provider, and protector is hard enough. God established our biblical roles for a reason. Yes is awesome when husbands help out around the house but its far from something they HAVE to do.

          2. I 100 percent agree with you, Kevin! A man shouldn’t be made to feel guilty if he doesn’t help around the house but provides a good living for his family. It’s not his job.

          3. I married a great husband, Lori. It was a big shock to discover most men don’t mop the floor on their hands and knees, though. I have several brothers and two are twice divorced, because their wives left them over their obsessive housekeeping. Wives could not measure up. My husband has two housekeeping duties: 1.) If you miss the toilet, clean it up. (It’s BAD – Lori.) 2.) If you brush your teeth, please rinse your toothpaste out of the sink. Oh, and I am in full rebellion about lawn-mowing. Before we met, I had a house, several acres, horses, a tractor and a bobcat. I mowed, tilled, aerated, composted, and snow-plowed our property happily. He wanted a different house, and somehow, we wound up in town. I pay nearly a thousand a month to board my horses. We sold our (MY precious) tractor. Our small yard doesn’t need a tractor, but, I just can’t mow without a PTO and a bush-hog. It’s against my religion!

          4. I agree, Kevin! I am definitely not the best homemaker, but I consider all the house chores my responsibility. Only things I ask my husband for help with are things that require tools or things that are too heavy for me. He will help with household chores, etc after I have a baby or am sick. Right now I’m in the middle of potty training and sometimes will come back from washing my daughter to find he has cleaned up the floor. And I’m always so grateful.

          5. To Katherine Wampler…

            My husband is excessively clean (on the surface…just on the surface) also, and it has plagued him in his past relationships.

            He’s relaxed a lot around me though…the house is a mess right now and he’s happy as a clam….I just made sure to always listen to him and after awhile it built up enough trust that he began to stop with the cray cray.

            Because ultimately the cleanliness was never about having a clean house…It was about….

            1) Putting someone else down
            2) Staying in control of that person, by insulting them about how dirty they are
            3) If someone is prettier than you—they are dirty….If someone is smarter than you—well they are still a mess…It’s just putting a flaw on a person that you feel is better than you…trying to knock someone down a notch…The average smart, beautiful person will just walk away from the psycho clean freak but…the psycho clean freak will think the walking away is a victory because it’s all about trying to be better than someone YOU ARE NOT better than
            4) Being in complete control over your environment…not sharing your environment with someone else
            5) Establishing slave, servant mentality

            After I established that I was Cleaner than my husband…(my college roomate was so dirty it scarred me for life and for years every friday I would clean my apartment for 5 hours…I wash walls almost weekly) I purposefully started a few fights with my husband to address to root of his cleanliness madness…

            It needed to be done…because it’s not healthy to let someone sit in their personality flaws like a pig in a sty. People can and do change, especially when you ‘Hit the Nail on the Head.’

            Anyways, we haven’t had any problems since. I keep the house clean for the most part…but like right now…Saturday night…we had a HUGE dinner, we’re super relaxed and just enjoying time together in a nice dirty house surrounded by dirty dishes and cats happily licking the bowls we ate out of. But hubbie knows that tomorrow, I’ll take care of it.

    2. Kate, I miss the days when I would tuck my kids in and read to them. Yes, I would often be tired after a day of work, but the time spent with my kids was precious. I agree with Lori, a wife should not ty to make her husband do it. However, those of us who have realize how much we gain from investing the time in our children’s lives.

      1. Most fathers didn’t seem to be as involved with their children back in the days when I was raised, Chris, as they are now which is a good thing! But simply having a dad in my life, knowing he would come home each night, being faithful to my mom, and taking us to church each Sunday was huge in my life, as I look back on it. It brought a lot of security to us.

        1. Lori,
          We are likely fairly close in age. I realize many fathers were not as involved. I am grateful that the Holy Spirit led me to be influencial in my children’s lives. I strongly believe that a husband and father should lead a family, and this means being involved in the physical, emotional, and spiritual growth of children. It is a blessing. It takes effort, great effort and sacrifice, but it produces amazing rewards.

    3. My husband will occasionally help with rinsing dishes after dinner, but the only other time he’s “hands on” is if I’m nursing a newborn, up all night with a baby, or if we have sick kids and he can see that I’m struggling. I challenge myself NOT to push him to help because the home is not in his purview. And most nights I’m able to stop my work when he gets home. It’s all about organization. It’s easy to have so many little wasted minutes in our days that add up to a lot of lost time.

  8. Not infrequently there are mentions in this blog of the wife wants more children and the husband doesn’t. There are a number of reasons why a husband might not want more children besides he’s not a good Christian, or doesn’t value children, etc. etc.

    My wife and I have five children. My wife (mainly) and I homeschooled them all K-12. She was very unhappy when I decided we needed to stop at five. 25 years later she’s gotten past it, if not over it. My reasons were dismissed out of hand.

    I’ll generalize them here:

    The continuum of conception-gestation-delivery varies greatly from woman to woman. If a woman’s pregnancies tend to be fraught with medical, emotional, or other difficulties the husband may not want to go through it again. Nine months is a long time to hold your breath praying nothing untoward medical occurs. It’s a long time to walk on eggshells if there are extreme emotional highs and lows to deal with.

    The greater the number of children the less the likelihood that the husband will be able to get the family set financially the way that many Christian financial counselors/speakers/gurus insist he MUST do or he’s failing his family, not a good provider, and not a very faithful Christian to boot. Having six-months savings in the bank, house and cars paid for, fully funding a retirement plan, adequate life insurance, college savings, etc. etc. becomes increasingly difficult as more children are added to the picture. Takes a lot of moral courage to make the obvious decision to do what you can and do without the rest.

    Worry. Worry that his wife and children will be stranded by the side of the road in -10 weather when the old beater they can’t afford to replace or properly maintain gives out. Worry when a child takes very ill and there’s no money for the doctors.

    The husband may be getting up in years. My dad died when I was 21. I’ve always regretted I wasn’t able to know him as an adult. I decided I wanted to be around for my kids at least into young adulthood which is why after I decided no more kids after age 40.

    Those are the main reasons.

    1. We have 3 children and my husband wants to stop. I’d prefer not to but saying that, I totally understand he’s reasoning. Providing for us is a major responsibility and I do respect his decision, because I know he is doing it out of love as he doesn’t want to be spread too thin.

    2. It’s a good thing my husband did not want to stop having children at age 40. We got married when he was 40. 10 years later, we have 4 children and he is 50. I still have probably 10 years of fertility ahead of me, so this does present a potential complication. He does want to be around to see his children grow up and not be an old man who can’t play with them.

      1. If he lives until he is 80 years old, he will still live to see any future children you may be blessed with grow up and probably even get married and have children! If one thinks they are too old to be a father to children, one only has to look at Abraham!

  9. Most men will gladly go to work to support their families, and will work long hours without much complaining, IF, they don’t feel like a piece of furniture when they get home. IF the wife shows her husband (first, before father) that she respects him and loves his willingness to do all he can to provide, then, in most cases, the man will be happy to do what he needs to do. In my case, we had nine kids, homeschooled, the whole nine yards. My wife could never understand why I didn’t want them barging into our bedroom when we were alone (so rarely). I went to bed early at night because I always was up by 5am. She would stay up late, after everyone went to bed, to have her “alone time.” As a result I was on my own in the morning as well. She never got up to make breakfast for me, although I would make her a cup of tea and deliver it to her bedside so she could awaken at 8am.

    Keep in mind, throughout our marriage, she had no problem staying up all night with a sick child, but if I reached across the bed when she was sleeping she would jump, and be angry because I was “selfish and immature.” As years progressed I had trouble sleeping and I moved around in my sleep a lot so she moved into a separate bed. I want to say I was far from a perfect husband and father, far from a perfect Christian example, but the problems existed on both sides and it got so, when I would come home on Friday, after three nights on the road, she wouldn’t get out of her recliner to walk across the floor and welcome me home. I filed for divorce in September after living outside the house (her demand) since February.

  10. You are very wise! My husband and I both agreed in ‘quality over quantity’. We don’t want extravagance for our children but rather a healthy, secure upbringing without having to be in debt.

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