Parents Regretting Having Children
“The mums on the SAHM forum are not alone in sharing their feelings of regret. Over on Facebook, a community called I Regret Having Children boasts over 10,000 members. ‘This page is here to let all the mothers and fathers know that regretting having a kid(s) is not abnormal and shouldn’t be a taboo subject,’ it reads.”
When I was a teacher, most of the teachers I worked with felt the same way about having children; they regretted it. I suppose there’s a very important reason that God commands older women to teach younger women to love their children – love your children enough to have them and to raise them correctly. We are selfish by nature and bearing and raising children is an act of unselfishness and sacrifice.
We can understand clearly why unbelievers would feel regret over having children, as one woman clearly stated below, but this should never be said among us.
“‘For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened. Claiming to be wise, they became fools..’ (Romans 1:21-22). When you reject God, He gives you over to a senseless, darkened mind and unnatural affections follow, which remove natural affections.”
As the Bible states, people will become lovers of themselves. They will only want to do what they want to do and take no thought about what is best for others or society but as believers in Jesus Christ, we are not this way. Our reasonable service to the Lord is to learn to be unselfish and live for Him instead.
Children are throw-aways in our culture as seen by the millions of abortions that are performed every year. In God’s eyes, children are blessings to be welcomed and loved with open arms. I want to encourage you in a few ways that will make it easier to love your children. It’s difficult to love and enjoy children that are not trained and disciplined properly.
First of all, be diligent in training and disciplining them when they are young. While you are raising your children, you will be continually teaching them to make right choices. Make sure they understand “no” and obey you. Let them know that they aren’t the boss of the family. Deal with disobedience quickly and consistently. A few good spankings usually deal with this the most effectively. The faster you teach them self-control, the more you will enjoy being around your children.
No, your children don’t need to be constantly entertained by you or technology. Let them learn to entertain themselves. It will develop their imaginations. Don’t let them whine and complain. Make them sit in the “whining and complaining” chair quietly for ten minutes every time they whine or complain. Do this consistently. It’s your responsibility to teach and train your children to be self-disciplined adults in all areas of their lives.
When they are young, insist they all have naps or “quiet times” for two hours a day, then put them to bed early at night. Every mother needs some time to herself and rest if needed. You must not let your child to dictate his/her schedule. You must dictate it.
No, raising children is not easy but it is good. The narrow path that we are called to take isn’t the easy path. It’s the path that leads to life! Raise your children to be godly – to know God’s Word and obey it. Then you will find that your children are the gifts that keep on giving! As you are raising them, you are storing your treasures in heaven; the best place for treasures to be stored and you will not have one moment of regret for bringing them into this world.
Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
Psalm 127:3
15 thoughts on “Parents Regretting Having Children”
Thank you for your diligence. I remember not wanting children because i saw so many brats around me. I then thought to myself “wait a minute, i can have control of how my children behave!” I had three of my own children that i raised. By prayer and supplication and discipline i have two that are serving the Lord. I have one that is not at this time but, i bring her constantly before the Throne of God. I have wuite the story if you would ever want to hear it. All glory goes to God!
How sad. Our children are the greatest joy of our lives. They are the best investment we have ever made of our time on this earth. I feel sorry for people who can’t look past a few minor inconveniences. How silly to make an issue of a few late nights or the temporary interruption of social lives. Kids grow so quickly through any stage that it is just breath taking. I wish I could have had more children but I will be content with what God has given to me. There are too many over-grown toddlers out there who are blaming their children for ruining their lives. They have ruined their own lives with their selfishness.
I am thankful and grateful for the children Lord has given me I have six children two grandchildren and I have had two or three miscarriages . One of my miscarriages the baby was around eight weeks old but I cried at the loss of life ..there was no heartbeat but I knew that the baby was in the Lords hands and that comforted imy heart . Children do not ask to be here. How children are treated and tossed around like dirty kaundry in our world. How grieved it makes me. Women who don’t want children and think of them as a burden… oh how selfish they must be. Motherhood can be tiring but so worth it. The lady mentioned so many brats around her. Well they might be unruly and selfish but I am sure it was lack of attention and bad training on the parents or the care they were in. I am sooo Thankful for the REWARDS he chose to give me
What a Honor.
God Bless! ?
This is so terribly sad. I just suffered a miscarriage a week ago, at eight weeks. My baby’s heartbeat stopped at around six weeks. I cried so much and don’t understand at all how people can see children as a burden. I am already a mum of three boys and they are a joy to be around. My husband and I love to play board games with our boys and my eldest son gets competitive at scrabble, since he wants to beat the undefeated champion, my husband 🙂
Thank you Lori for another great post.
thank you for this reminder today
I love your ministry to me! please keep up the good, godly work.
I wouldn’t say I regret having kids, I do however regret how I raised them. Two very different things. But I wouldn’t advertise it. I’m not proud of it. These parents are placing the blame on the wrong thing, because they don’t want to admit they are bad parents. It’s very humbling to admit when you’ve stuffed up.
Many condolences to you Lori, may you be comforted during this challenging time..
Thank you for saying what so many people wouldn’t dare to say today. In Austria discipline has become such a taboo, you have to be careful who you discuss it with – or you might lose your job as a teacher or get yout kids taken away from you. I am neither a teacher nor a mom (yet), but I do hope to have kids when I’m married someday. Until then I’ll save this post on my PC, because the advice sounds very helpful 🙂
I think some people, women especially, have “trophy” children (same concept as a trophy wife). These women are all out together full-time professionals, and having a child or two is the “thing to do.” Then they can all lament together about the ” lack of affordable daycare” and how tired they are all the time, how their husbands don’t help at home, etc. I worked for 5 years before kids, and I remember being so surprised that they almost felt like their kids were simply burdens. And these are not women who had to work: they had solid upper class lifestyles. If they didn’t work they’d just be regular middle class but they didn’t want their kids to be “deprived.”
I wrote this for another site a while back, but it’s fully relevant here:
“I read an essay some years ago that was written by a longtime hospice nurse. She noted that people, when confronting their deaths, fell largely into one of three groups. One group was people with extremely deep religious faiths; we’re talking people that knew with certainty by early high school that they wanted to be nuns or priests. When they confronted death, while still now wanting to die, their faith comforted them. The second group was people who’d had children (presumably, of their own blood, and gotten to raise them). They, too, while not wanting to die, found much meaning, and thus great comfort, in having descendants that would live on after them. (Children are what I call my ticket to the future, where at least part of me gets to go there.) The third category of people, when confronting death, had neither major faith nor having had offspring to make it all having had a point. For them, death was absolutely terrifying, a horrifying loss with nothing redeeming about it whatsoever.”
Flawed logic. But beautifully put.
I guess i could have been one of these ladies if it hadn’t been for God opening my heart and blogs like these.
Now I work not because I want a career but am single no kids no hubby, so a lady has got to support herself.
A lot of people are brainwashed by culture and are just going with the flow. If I marry one day, I just want a house detached in the countryside and an opportunity to stay at home and that’s it. I not into this fanciful rubbish anymore.
I think teaching your child manners and how to read properly would solve the problems of raising a brat. Also being a good example as a Christian to them.
Too many people whinge about their kids but most in my experience were not saints themselves. They disparage their parents and do not spend enough time with their kids because it is all about their ‘career’.
Being a working lady is no picnic. I use to envy those high-fliers who could work full time and spend time with their children. Meanwhile I am constantly fatigued and drained by work at times abd don’t even have kids or husband to cater to.
I now realise that the supermum could be just a myth and these ladies do not always get respect in the workplace as they should. One lady on a six figure salary over here UK – a council leader was bullied out of her job. Claire Kober. Another a nurse killed herself after bullying. Yes no picnic at all. At least you can rebuke your kids and environment better at home.
I understand not every woman wanting kids. however, once you have them, it’s your sacred moral obligation to love and care for them! All this whining over it i sad for your children, who will feel worthless, and selfish to put yourself or your needs above theirs and raise them in an atmosphere of resentment! It’s disgusting, and a prime example of wanting to have hook ups consequence free by immature people too selfish to care for another!
https://aladyofreason.wordpress.com/
I can understand some women not wanting children, but when you do have them, it’s your sacred moral obligation to love and provide for them before yourself and your needs/wants. So many mothers whine and complain about raising their kids, while in past generations, mothers took it all in stride and realized it is hard work, but a “labor of love”, not “how many corners can we cut and feel the least amount of guilt”! Our whole culture of instant gratification only, and lack of accountability is appalling, but none more so when a child is devalued and resented by their own parents!
From an anonymous mother:
“I’m not wild about other people’s kids. Sure, I like some of them alright, but that’s about it. It’s totally different with my own.
From the moment I got the positive pregnancy test result and knew there was a baby growing inside my body, I loved them. The feeling intensified when I could feel the baby moving. With both pregnancies, I willingly underwent bed rest and godawful medical procedures to halt preterm labor, because I loved the child and wanted her, and for the second pregnancy him, to make it into this world as close to full term and as healthy as possible.
There’s no adequate way to describe the outpouring of love I felt when my children were born. They’re worth every long hour spent walking and singing to a colicky baby, every sleepless night rocking a sick child, and all the extra work that children bring. They bring more joy than worry, and more love than work. I wouldn’t ever go back to life without my children, even if I could. They’re worth everything. I’d die for them if it ever became necessary.
Yes, women are made to be mothers. Some women are defective and don’t make good mothers. For the rest of us, motherhood is an incredible completion, an ultimate meaning in a meaningless world.”
What a disturbing fb group and mindset. ?
I have 2 girls, 3 and a half and 6 months. How long for the whine chair for the older one? At what age can they do ten minutes?
Did you have 2 hours in a row of time or break it up? Mine starts struggling at 45 min. She rrrreally doesn’t like to be alone.
Longtime lurker here, but feel I need to comment. I’m sad for this generation. I wish I could have had more children! I have six, and three grandchildren. My youngest child is 12. I cherish every moment I had raising them all! I’m sad for the day my 12 yer old son won’t need me the way he does now. People thought we were crazy to want so many. I live in a very affluent neighborhood, I was a traditional sahm, while all the moms around me worked. Somehow, though, God provided! Never needed to work. Did we have some financial ups and downs? Sure we did, but the kids never knew it. All they knew was that they had a mom and dad, dinner, clean socks, and a clean, secure home. All their friends parents had Mercedes, and bmw’s, we had a minivan. Life was good though, and still is. Sad people don’t see it this way….