Provoking Men to Wrath

Provoking Men to Wrath

The other day, I tweeted this: “A wife has a much greater chance of being abused if she is quarrelsome, contentious, and abusive towards her husband rather than if she is kind, loving, and submissive. God’s ways are for our good, NOT for our harm.” It’s an eternal principle. We will reap what we sow but as so many hate God, they hate His principles. As expected, this tweet received a ton of outrage. (It’s easy to outrage and offend women these days. You would think they would simply ignore me as I ignore them.)

If women think that they can never provoke men to wrath, they’re fooling themselves. Jesus was even provoked to wrath! No, it doesn’t give men an excuse to be physically abusive but women should be a whole lot more careful about the way they treat their husbands. I provoked my husband to wrath on numerous occasions but thankfully, I married a man who can control his anger and would never harm me. Unfortunately, some men weren’t raised to control their anger.

My tweet wasn’t to give men the green light to physically abuse their wives. I don’t teach men. My tweet was to encourage wives to NOT provoke their husbands to wrath. Yes, we are responsible for our actions just as men are responsible for theirs, but some women today falsely believe that women can do no wrong. This is foolish thinking. Continually quarreling and being contentious can provoke a man to wrath! This is why the Bible speaks about foolish women tearing their homes down.

If you are being physically abused, please go here. Seek protection. There is never any excuse for a man to physically abuse a woman but we live in a fallen and sin-infested world, so this will happen until God decides to burn this earth up. In the meantime, we, as godly women, need to do our part to live peaceably and gently with our husbands in all submission and kindness. We are only responsible for our behavior not anyone else’s, but let’s not cause others to stumble in any way with our misbehavior.

Wives are commanded to submit to their disobedient husband. They are told to live in subjection to them without the word and with godly behavior (1 Peter 3:1-6). However, submission doesn’t cause abuse as many want to claim. A wife never has to submit to abuse. Never. It’s a mean, angry, or evil man who physically abuses his wife. These men need help but in the meantime, the wife needs to seek protection. But I do want to make this very clear: an abusive man will abuse his wife whether or not she is submissive.

Submission has NOTHING to do with abuse. This is why I don’t write about abuse every time I write about submission. They aren’t linked together as many want it to be. God commands wives to be submissive because it’s His divine and perfect order for marriage. Many wives have even won their disobedient husbands to the Lord and to them by living in subjection to them. God’s ways are for our good.

It is better to live in a corner of a roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman.
Proverbs 21:9

25 thoughts on “Provoking Men to Wrath

  1. It stuns me when I people take God’s word and claim it encourages abuse. You have rightly stated that a wife who adheres to scripture is less likely to be abused. In fact, she is likely to be treasured. Although I am commanded by God to love my wife, it is certainly easier when she is fulfilling her role as a Godly woman.

  2. Statistics show that women hit men more than men hit women, but dont expect to hear that in this feminist controlled society. Women want to hit men and act like men, right up until they get knocked out by a man. Then they want to hide behind their feminine physique. Feminism teaches women to act like men, but it will never make them men.

    Abuse is wrong from a man or woman, but women abusing their men and thinking it’s ok has got to stop.

    These modern women hate men and then want men to worship them, its nonsense.

    If you hit a man and he hits you back, your both wrong.

    Nobody is talking about Male victims of domestic violence and it’s sad.

    Women are just as abusive as men are, and to say otherwise is ignorant and disingenuous.

    All abuse is wrong, but so far women want a double standard.

  3. I was reading this and a few of the things back. (Part of what happens when you’re laid up with a super bad cold — we all shared it around and now it’s my turn.)

    I 100% agree that this is a two way street, and it’s shameful that the domestic violence perpetrated by women is swept under the rug.

    However, an observation — when you are trying to talk to your husband about something, and he pays absolutely no attention to what you’re saying, the urge to lash out becomes very strong.

    Having said that, don’t try to talk to your husband when he’s engrossed in something else. He is not paying attention to you and he isn’t going to pay attention to you. He’s not wired that way. You avoid the problem in the first place.

    I also believe that this scenario — trying to talk to him when he’s engrossed in something else — causes a lot of male irritation as well. Moral of story — if you see he’s completely absorbed in something else, keep your lips zipped.

    Another thing: a lot of women, when their husbands back off and go into the “man cave”, panic. I know I did. I think this was from having Dad leave early on, and I reverted to “oh, no, he’s going to leave, too” and I would rush after him. BAD IDEA. Don’t do this. He will get angry. If not right away, it will happen eventually, and that never leads to anything good.

    Just back off. Give him his space.

    Also, when you’re irritated and upset and ready to blow your stack yourself, BACK OFF. Don’t approach him. Go for a long walk or a run. You’ll get some good exercise and you will avoid a ton of problems.

  4. Submission has nothing to do with abuse. And lack of submission also has nothing to do with abuse. Absolutely true!

  5. Thank you for a great post Lori.

    When you say “provoking men to wrath” you are speaking mostly of individual men in marriage.

    But there is also the issue of men as a group, and men’s wrath as a social force.

    Women in society these days, tricked by the lies of Feminist ideology, have been waging a long, hateful war against men, even more, against boys. Feminists have done 1 thing that no group of women in the history of the world has ever been insane enough to do: Femnists have relentlessly and tirelessly provoked MEN as a group, all men, to wrath.

    The ultimate goal of Feminism always was, and is now, to break the million-year peace and partnership between men and women, based on God’s plan for us to love and bond with each other, and to inflame a war between men and women. A real war…with guns, blood, and death.

    Of course strong men have shunned this and ignored this. So Feminists have mostly focused their efforts on harming boys, who are too weak and young to defend themselves. Their twisted Feminist teachings tell them that “men control everything” therefore they feel justified despising, taunting, and destroying young boys. Even their own boys, their own children. Boys have become the ultimate whipping-boys of society…spit upon, attacked, throw in jail, drugged, and punished for the most minor infractions. A confused, frightened boy tries to hold the hand of a girl he fancies, and he can be jailed for half his life, his family ruined by an insane court system. A boy attacked wants to raise his fists and defend himself against an attacker, as men have learned to do for millenia, but then he, not his attacker, will be thrown in jail, usually by a lesbian judge.

    Now the inevitable is coming to pass. Boys, fully aware of the hatred that is being poured on their heads, are responding in kind — by becoming violent, suicidal, and insane killers. Women have been training men for thousands of year to be the most fierce warriors and hunters this planet has ever seen. Now idiot Feminists are turning those awesome and terrible warriors *against women*. Instead of harnessing male violence and wrath to defend and protect women, Feminisms has redirected male wrath to attack women *as the enemy*. Do you see now the deadly brilliance of Satan’s plan?

    We are facing a terrible time in the next generation, a time when boys and men, gangs of 16-year old boys with weapons and hatred beyond reason, will be roving the streets, making open war of retribution against what they now perceive as the enemy: women.

    Godly and humble women will survive and again make peace with their boys. Prideful, loud women will see little mercy from the boys they have trained to see them as the enemy.

    I don’t say any of this with pleasure, I am scared for my own women, but this is what I see and there is now no stopping it.

    Personally as a man, I can only stand aside and avert my eyes, try to protect my own family and my own church, while the ungodly and evil of the world jump into the hell on earth that they have created for themselves.

  6. Yes!!
    I have lived this. I work in this field. I know it absolutely to be true. An abusive man is going to be abusive no matter what. Submission, or not.

    A man getting angry (and possibly violent) at his wife because she keeps picking fights with him is totally different from a relationship where the abuse is constant, and ongoing, and happens no matter what. An abuser is going to find fault, no matter how perfect you are. And it’s not just physical abuse that is damaging either.

  7. As mum of two boys, I fear greatly for their future. I am fortunate that my husband is teaching our boys to be strong, good men.

    What you have described doesn’t happen so much in my country (yet) but what DOES happen is just as bad: women can and do destroy good, innocent men by claiming rape, with no evidence whatsoever. A very good friend had scientific proof that his accuser was lying – yet the jury (8 women, 4 men) believed her act. She had promised to destroy him, and she did.
    In my country, the government pays “compensation” of $10,000 to every victim of rape, whether a true victim or not. All you have to do is say you were raped, and you get the money. No conviction, not even charges, are necessary. So women are almost encouraged to lie, just to get this money.

    Of course it sometimes also goes the other way and evidence later comes to light (that was suppressed in court, eg. that he is currently in jail on other rape charges) that casts doubt on a not-guilty verdict, but it’s much better to have a guilty man walking free (because he will probably be caught if he offends again) than an innocent man locked up and destroyed.

  8. This is so interesting because both me and my husband are very short tempered so we’ve learned how to best not irritate each other. He has his man cave and I have mine as well. He knows not to approach me or make things worse when I am NOT in a good mood and vice versa. It really is a two way street and it takes a whole lot of patience on both our ends to avoid conflicts.

  9. I’m sort of different. I would prefer he come near to me when I am in a blue mood. I would prefer support and closeness. But that is not his way. It is wise to learn what a person can and cannot do and accept it. You need to be creative and find different, acceptable ways to meet specific needs. You aren’t a child anymore, you’re an adult, and you need to act like one. The women Lori describes are women who never really grew up. I think it’s because they never had a chance to be little girls — no Dad, no nothing. It’s hard to grow up without Dad — not impossible, but hard.

  10. I agree with Rich that no one discusses the reality of physical violence to men by women. I have worked in law enforcement for many years, and sometimes it is the man who calls for police response to a domestic conflict. It is not unheard of for the man to report that his wife/girlfriend is threatening to tell police that he hit her, when he did not, to have him arrested. Some men report that their wife/girlfriend is threatening to hit herself and claim that he made the marks, and the men are frightened that they won’t be believed by the authorities. The concern and fear in these men’s voices is very real because they understand how this can potentially affect their future, their family, and their ability to earn a living. The domestic violence laws, originally designed to protect women, are now maliciously used by women as a weapon of revenge against men. I suspect the reporting of male-victim domestic violence is greatly under-reported. I would not be aware of it had I not gained experience in a reality-based profession.

  11. Totally agree! I have first hand knowledge of the controlling manipulation of dangerous women. It’s a fact that many men live in fear everyday that they will loose their home, job and children to an insane and manipulative woman. I even know of a case where a woman threatened to tell the police that a man was molesting his kids because the man threatened to leave her. This is all happening because we live in a society that is all about identity. Women are seen as hero’s and truthful, where as men are liars and abusers. You can’t have a situation where people are judged by what they are and not who they are, and not expect this insanity.

  12. It really much better to know those things, especially and most importantly, in my opinion, before marriage. My husband and I knew each ither for 5 years prior to engagement and we both knew exactly what we were going into and where prepared for what to expect when we both were everything but calm and happy. We learned to accommodate these things by having separate spaced to ourselves when we knew we needed time away from the other. A marriage is (supposed) to be composed of 2 mature minded adults. Unfortunately I’ve seen many times where one spouse is not like that at all, which is why I always advise new couples to to their best really get to know what makes the other spouse tick and pay close attention to how they react. Do they cry? Become mute? Refuse to work things out? Hit or become violent? If it’s the latter I certainly hope they drop that immediately and move on.

  13. Strong men do not just sit and avert their eyes. Pastor Joseph Spurgeon has discussed multiple times about taking action and being the change you wish to see in the world.

  14. It is interesting, though, how you can know a person fairly well and a lot of things don’t surface until you’ve been married to them for some time.

    I would say even after nearly twenty years, my husband and I still really don’t know one another. That may sound odd, but it’s true. Often I think to myself, what are you like, really? I like to write letters to him, asking him questions of all sorts. I never give him these letters, they are mostly for myself, trying to sort out the many years of marriage and thinking through the many things I would like to say to him. We are probably the oddest married couple around. I talk to other women and am always amazed at how freely they speak to their husbands and how they can talk about anything. I’ve caught myself on more than one occasion staring at a couple because I’m kind of in awe of how freely they converse with one another and how they can banter back and forth. Kind of embarrassing… 🙂

    I’ve always thought maybe someday, when I’m old, I might edit and publish all the letters I’ve written to my husband. In those letters I ask him questions and I share a lot of the things I would like to say to him, but wouldn’t ever say, of course. I can’t be certain that the words I would use would be respectful, nor could I guarantee he’d perceive them as respectful — so I just don’t say them. They’re just basically conversations. Sometimes I am angry, frustrated, hurt, and I write about that, too, but mostly it’s conversations.

    We are the “silent couple”.

  15. Love is a verb, not a noun. That’s the problem with everybody today. They keep thinking it’s a noun. It’s a decision made with the intellect, each and every day, and when it comes to marriage vows it’s all about keeping your word.

  16. There is never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,ever any excuse to hit ANYBODY.
    If a woman or a man is being abused in a marriage they need to leave TODAY. It is NOT God’s will for someone to be abused!
    And I do agree that just because a man might be physically bigger and stronger, there is NO excuse for a woman to hit her husband! And there is NEVER an excuse for a man to hit his wife!
    If someone is frustrating you, leave the room. If you need a moment to cool off-walk away. Violence is NEVER the answer.

  17. Awesome post, Bill!!! If anything, feminism has made men use violence on women. That’s where physical, verbal, and emotional abuse comes from. Feminism has made men view women as the enemy so much that they are abusing them and killing them. Men were not designed to abuse women. They were designed to protect women. Feminism is of Satan.

  18. My wife and I have been married for one year and it’s like when I try to talk to her about how she speaks to me she gets angry and basically told me I’m a boy and I’m not a man of God and fake and so many other things and she has so much resentment towards me and I’m doing what the words and love her but it’s like it’s not enough I’m at like what to do heavenly father

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