The Desire to Control

The Desire to Control

Do women naturally have a desire to control their husband? According to Genesis 3:16, they do and it happened right after the Fall. When I teach women to not deprive their husbands sexually, they come up with all types of excuses why they shouldn’t have to do this. The majority of these excuses are simply another way to control their husbands.

When I teach women to submit to their husbands, they will come up with all types of exceptions that will allow women to decide that they really don’t need to submit to their husbands in everything as unto Christ.

When I teach women that God commands them to be silent in the churches, they twist and distort Scripture and then give me all of the reasons why women don’t need to be quiet in the churches.

When I teach women to be keepers at home, there’s always a huge outcry of why this couldn’t possibly mean that God wants women literally at home raising their own children, after all, the Proverbs 31 woman was a career woman!

All but a few women want to be obedient to God because they believe His will for them is oppressive. They prefer God’s will for men so they can decide when they want to have sex, rule their households, be female preachers and support them, and have careers, if they want. They believe that God’s will for men’s lives is better than God’s will for them.

I am here to tell you that it is not. God is your Creator and He knows what is best for you. He wants you to not deprive your husband sexually. Instead of trying to figure out all of the exceptions, concentrate on obeying God instead.

He wants you to submit to your husband. This is the most difficult for most women. We don’t want anyone telling us what to do but when you married your husband, he became head over you and God commands that you submit to him. A willing, submissive wife leads to harmony in the home.

He wants you to “learn in silence with all subjection” (1 Timothy 2:11) in the churches. No ifs, ands, or buts. Just obey God! It’s really that simply. Satan’s grand scheme is to cause confusion with women. He wants them to think that God must mean something other that He commands. Stop listening to the enemy of your soul!

He wants you to be a keeper at home. He wants you to be a help meet to your husband. He wants YOU to mother your own children. He wants you to work hard at home and make it a place of peace and rest for your family and others. Home is good, women. It’s exactly where God wants you to live and work.

Surrender all of your hopes and dreams to Jesus, women. Allow His Word and His will to shape your life. His will is good, and acceptable, and perfect. Instead of fighting and distorting it, love and live it! If you want to rebel against Satan and his attacks, obey God.

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God.
Romans 12:1, 2

30 thoughts on “The Desire to Control

  1. Amen headship was established even before the Fall, doesn’t help that Eve wasn’t a great example of a help meet. Sarah is more looked at as the “mother” and example. Submission will be naturally hard for women now because of the curse but that doesn’t mean its to be avoided or women should live in rebellion. Submission should get easier as women grow in Christ, He gives all of strength. God’s ways are always better than our own we just need to embrace them.

  2. Dear Lori, thank you for your blog and your teachings all the way from Ireland. I like to keep up with your posts! It has occured to me that men do not have as much advice from each other, in their role as leaders and providers. Is there anywhere online like this with such teachings to men, reminding them of their priorities, behaviour and so on? My man has been feeling lost this month and it has made me notice there isn’t as much guidance out there for traditional Christian males, man-to man-advice that goes beyond fitness and gym. If you do know of any good blogs to recommend him please let me know. Thank you again for your writings.

  3. Keep teaching! Christian women need to continue to hear the truth of God’s word proclaimed. It is becoming rare to hear the simple truth of scripture. And life proves out its truth. It is easy for me to prioritize my wife when she puts intimacy as a priority. In fact, it makes many of the harshness of daily work much lighter. Living in submission makes it easier for me to place her needs above my own, as it is a great motivator. I still am called to love her as Christ loves the church, but these two areas, and having an encouraging tongue, are perhaps the greatest ways she becomes my strongest helpmeet. It truly changes my view of life.

  4. Sheila,

    The blog is no longer active with new posts (as of this month) but there is almost 10 years of posts (and valuable discussions in the comments) that can still be read. I recommend this site to any Christian man who wants to better understand Biblical manhood, the dangers of feminism and how it all relates to our world.

    I recommend that he start at the beginning post “How to Field Strip a Baby” and read every post and all of the comments going forward. It will take quite a while and he should pace himself (reading a few posts a day and chewing on the content until it’s digested) but it’s well worth the time.

  5. Agree don’t settle. I tell everyone that no one is perfect but you still want a godly spouse that embraces biblical roles and God’s design. They are few but they are out there.

  6. What I find shocking is when I mention this to my female acquaintances in the church, they say those commands were for that culture. How is this any different from moral relativism? If these commands were for that culture, then anything in the Bible can be rationalized as part of the culture, rendering our faith useless. Some of my atheist friends tell me that this response is a huge reason why they don’t take Christians seriously.

    It’s sad when this example drives people away from the church.

  7. Great post – I need to work on not being “bossy” with my husband. Every once in a while he’ll tell me (gently, of course) to “tone it down”. I supervise male and females at my work and I tend to forget to keep my work attitude and home attitude in check. It’s a struggle but so worth the care my husband gives me.

  8. I’m grateful in the body of Christ we are seeking out resources and sharing with one another. Literally we are in the middle of getting a car my husband wants something a bit out of our price range but you know what I’ve learned to just BE QUIET. God will work it out and the holy Spirit will guide him in Jesus Name. Constant quarreling is purely of the enemy

  9. What if your husband wants you to work? I stayed home when our children were young and loved every minute. Now, he wants me to work. I do, and try to be a good homekeeper, but it is hard to keep up and do the best job that I want to do. My mother was a wonderful homemaker. Her husband and mother-in-law put her down for not working outside the home. Her circumstances made it impossible to work outside the home. Her husband resented her for not having a job. He loved money more than anything.

  10. Thanks so much for the replies and suggestions! I had never heard of them before. It’s good to know material is out there for men too. Thank you very much all

  11. What do you recommend for wives whose husbands do withhold affection in the bedroom as a form of punishment?
    I really struggle with this problem. When my husband and I have conflicts he withdraws from me until he doesn’t feel angry. I find this very hurtful as I am an affectionate person. I feel rejected and neglected frequently as a result.

  12. Give it daily to the Lord in prayer, Vivian. The Lord is the best one to convict and change your husband’s mind. Maybe show him how little money you would actually bring home after taxes and all the expenses of you working outside of the home. Show him ways you can cut the expenses and live easily within his income.

  13. For those who go and read Dalrock, keep in mind that his writing style is often satirical so don’t let that throw you off. The topics he covers and the points he makes over the years is pure gold, especially to Christian men. All you have to do is to read the comments on his last 2 posts to see how many lives he has helped and marriages that he (Christ though him) has saved. May God bless him. He will be greatly missed.

  14. I quickly learned that he is often satirical but the knowledge shared by him is explaining a lot of actions of my late wife and of women that I have talked to or seen since I became a widower.
    I’m the classic “country bumpkin”. I take a person at their word. I never used to suspect that a woman was playing some type of game when she says she is interested in me.
    In the past day I have read 3 months of Dalrock’s blog, starting back at his first posting in August 2010.
    I have gained a lot of insight from his posts.
    The things talked about on there EXACTLY MATCH UP with the behavior of my late wife and the multiple adulteries she committed.
    My late wife was a big city, 35 year old woman PRETENDING to be a devote Christian to snag a man in her later years. Big city, 35 years old and told me she had only ever been with one other man before I married her. Lets just say with knowledge gained since then, that it was most likely a game playing woman who was very “active” with men before I met her and that she was only looking for a dumb man to pay her bills while she continued her “activities” with other men.
    Do I agree with everything Dalrock says – nope. But there is a lot of wisdom in his writings.

  15. After all, it’s better to be in relationship than to be right.

    Lots of wisdom in that short sentence.

    And it requires humility – without which we can’t “see” God. It’s something that runs in very short supply with most of us.

  16. Vivian,
    I just saw this today so I hope You come back to the comments. Lori’s advice is sooo wise, as prayer and appealing to your husbands pragmatic nature are key. I was in your shoes, only I was working when I really desired to be a keeper at home, especially after I found it in scripture!!!! Here is one more thing you might try if your husband is insisting you work outside the home, (I would pray before I would do this), meekly go to him and ask if there is anyway you could earn money from home. I would even ask for his suggestions as to what that might be. You would be saving on car miles, gas, clothing and you would be able to set your own hours so being there for your children, dinner and keeping the home running would at least stay intact … Just a thought…..I will be praying for you!

  17. Wonderful post Lori and again, it shows us why Feminism is Satan’s work.

    Feminism seeks above all to wrest control away from Men and put women in charge. Feminists openly talk about a world run by women, where men are off living in some forest somewhere ignored by all.

    Of course that’s when the power struggle starts. Because Feminists only want power “for themselves” and women like them. They hate other women, traditional women, more than men if that is possible. It would be Woman vs. Woman. Witches vs. Godly women.

    Unlike men, who have formalized and tradition-based conflicts, based on male honor codes and male’s willingness to sacrifice self for the good of the many, women fight only for themselves and their children, and to the death. Such a world, with women in control, would be chaos and destruction from start to finish.

    Of course this won’t happen. Matriarchies never survive long. Very quickly women learn the lesson again — that they want MEN in charge and MEN to bear the brunt of power, so that women can stay home and enjoy the simple joys of Kitchen, Children, and Church, while men are out in the mud battling it out.

    This is why Godly women have always shunned Feminism and shunned other women who seek power, reject them like the disease they are.

  18. Thank you for your suggestions. Prayer is definitely the most important thing I need to do! I also, need to be more frugal. I am definitely going to put forth more effort in both of those areas.

  19. Lori,
    Thank you for your suggestions. I am going to pray and try to be more frugal. I want to do better in both of those areas. I only want do God’s will and please Him and my husband.

  20. Bill, I appreciate your comments; thank you. I smiled at your reference to Kitchen, Children and Church. My husband’s native language is German and he has quoted this phrase to me before (Kinder, Kueche und Kirche). Naturally, it is now considered derogatory by many, but not to those of us who find the sentiment very beautiful.

  21. Ms. Lori,

    Thank you very much for writing these blog articles. They are a tremendous aid in navigating marriage and motherhood according to Scripture. For years, I’ve been confused on many things even with prayer. It is refreshing to hear your perspective and see such a godly example of womanhood in today’s modern world. Your writing is motivational, what we need to hear, and so true to what I feel and believe. God bless you! I look forward to reading more of your posts!

  22. Thank you for your blog! It is so hard to find godly women teaching biblical truth like you do. I’m thankful my sweet friend showed me your blog. I am already learning so much from your posts, thank you!

  23. The insight from the men in this post is oddly refreshing. I’m not sure if this is strange or natural, but I have found that hearing from the men and listening to their feelings actually causes me to want to be more submissive and selfless. Especially the older men.

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